Chapter 17

Clarke was leaning against the rail watching Octavia, Echo, Indra and Madi following Palla's movements. It has quickly become a morning ritual for them all. Breakfast, then lessons. A quick shower and then pouring on the manifests to see who would be needed the fastest and who would need to be watched. Lists were made and rooms were being cleared. Abby was preping for the next set of them to come down, a group of twenty or so. Unfortunately, Raven would have to ferry them. She, Shaw and Emori, thanks to Raven's training, were the only ones that could fly the drop ship. Palla took it all in stride.

Clarke was amazed at the efficiency of each of the barracks buildings. On each end there were four sets of rooms, each with a galley, several bedrooms and several bathrooms, and a common area. The center held eight more sets, but one of the rooms was turned into a mess. They decided that each building should have it's own. And, with each building housing at a minimum this way of forty-five. They would only need eight more buildings.

She knew that Shaw and Raven had to check the fuel levels, too. So, even though more supplies were coming via the Village and Hrathgar, they were planning how fast they would have to come down due to fuel levels. Clarke also knew that Raven was going to want to cannibalize as much as possible from the ship. They weren't prepared to land it on the surface and due to the fuel that it used and not the drop ship, it could orbit for years with no worries.

But, that wasn't what was on Clarke's mind at the moment. She was worried about Octavia. Madi was, too. They could see her breaking a little more each day. And, somewhere deep inside, they knew it was because of Bellamy's lack of forgiveness. Clarke was trying to fill the void, but she doubted that she would ever be enough for Octavia. Madi was, too, but Octavia was keeping her more and more at a distance. As their first few days turned into a week, Clarke knew that she needed to do something and quickly before Octavia just completely lost it and ended up doing something stupid.

Palla was at the stables. She brushing her pale horse down and watching Echo teach Madi finer bow skills with targets just outside the Pins. Octavia was in the pins fighting with Indra. The two looked like they were actually going to kill each other, but Palla could see it in their faces that they were just having fun.

"Can I talk to you?" Clarke asked as she neared the great big caballo.

"Sure."

"Are we going about this the right way?" Clarke questioned.

Palla stopped brushing her caballo and looked underneath its neck at Clarke. She could see the worry in radiant cobalt eyes. Clarke needed a break. She needed to forget that she was still trying to save her people, that she was trying to survive and she needed to live, even if it was just for a moment.

"Would you like to go for a ride?" Palla inquired.

"What?"

"Would you like to go for a ride?" she asked again.

"What does that have to do with-"

"Absolutely nothing, which is why I am suggesting it. You need to just let go, Clarke. There is no war to plan for here. You can live your life without worry and too much strife. I think you've forgotten how to live and just be. Take a ride with me. Let me show you," Palla told her.

"What about Octavia or a guard?"

"I'll take care of that. See if you can saddle up Chioni there. He's a god caballo for you to ride," Palla said as she walked out of the stables and towards Octavia.

Clarke watched them talk. Octavia mainly did a lot nodding and "sha, Palla's." As Palla was walking back, Octavia called out to her and then tossed her a sword. Palla quirked an eyebrow at her and then nodded. Clarke realized in that moment that Octavia was trusting Palla with Clarke's life. The sword wasn't just for protection. It was a reminder that Clarke was still one of their leaders and that she was a leader worth dying for. Suddenly, the overwhelming weight of everything since they'd landed on Earth came back to Clarke in one enveloping, almost soul-crushing, blow. Her eyes met Octavia's, but she doubted that her guard could even see her, and the weight seemed worse. She really needed to talk to Octavia.

"You're not ready," Palla stated as she came back in.

"I don't know how to do this," Clarke admitted. "And, I don't think that Chioni would appreciate it if I got this wrong. Sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for, Clarke. I will teach you. And, Snow, here, will let you know if he doesn't like it. He is the most passive of all my caballos," Palla told her.

After Chioni and her own pale horse were saddled, she helped Clarke up into the saddle and handed her the reins. She then mounted her own horse and led them out of the stables. She pulled them up to the Pins and waved everyone off as they headed North.

"Does Madi ride?"

"She never had the chance to learn," Clarke answered.

"Not many horses after Praimfaya?"

"None."

"Then, we shall have to teach her," Palla stated.

They rode in silence for a long time it seemed. It was like the horses were on autopilot. This made it easier on Clarke as the horses...the caballos...Clarke corrected herself. She was taking in all the scenery and the landscape. It was truly beautiful and she found herself looking for somewhere to draw.

"Up ahead," Palla said, breaking their silence and Clarke's train of thought.

"What is?"

"You'll see," Palla informed her.

Minutes later, the trees broke into a clearing. It was small, but it was the beginning to a hidden gem. Just past the clearing was a rather medium shaped pond. It was being filled from a large falls from above. The cliff face was craggy and worn were the falls used to be. Clarke tried to follow the water out, but couldn't see anywhere it went except into that pond.

"The falls feeds the pond, which feeds a natural hot springs just down that way," Palla said as she pointed East. "There is an underground river and the creek from the pond that pool into those springs. The geothermal vents under the bedrock heat the pools. It can be very relaxing."

"I am sure."

"But, I thought before we tried the spings, that you might want to do something else," Palla stated as she dismounted.

She walked over to Clarke's caballo and held the reins before offering a hand to help her down off the beast. Once Clarke was situated, she walked them over to tree and tied them off with enough slack to allow them to graze at the grass growing around the base of the tree. With the caballos set, Palla reached into her bag and grabbed something wrapped up in cloth. Palla walked them over to the edge of the pond and sat down. When Clarke finally joined her, she handed Clarke the cloth wrapped gift. Clarke looked amazed because she hadn't gotten a present, a real gift, since before her father was floated.

Clarke opened the cloth slowly and realized what it was quickly. Inside that bit of cloth was a sketch book and pencils. She didn't know what to say. She still didn't understand why Palla was giving them so much. She could understand trying to make their transition as seemless and painless as possible, but this was above that. She wasn't sure what angle Palla was playing, but she was willing to ride it out. She was offering peace and she didn't want anything from them.

But, the more that Clarke thought about it, she kept coming back to the Wallaces and Mount Weather. Palla must have noticed her stress and worry. She reached out and took Clarke's hand. It immediately made Clarke's heart rate jump as she turned to look into her dark eyes.

"I don't want anything from you, Clarke or your people that you aren't willing to give."

"It's just all so much."

"So, giving your mother and Raven somewhere to work was a bad thing?"

"No, it was awesome. I haven't seen Raven that happy in forever. She loves to tinker and I know that we are going to need her help as we settle, but I also know that you have your own engineers. And, Mom...she doesn't feel complete without a clinic or something to work in. For a while, she had a tent, but she made it work. She wants to heal people. She wants to make things better and that is where she feels the best of use. I wouldn't take that from them. It is good to see them happy."

"But?" Palla asked.

"It is just that Dante Wallace plied us with food and clothes. He wanted our blood. And, then his son was willing to kill us all for our marrow just so they could walk outside again. It's hard to trust people when we've been at war, killed, drugged and mutilated by every civilization that we've come in contact with. I know that you want peace. You sound like me when I was talking to Lexa, fighting with words to secure peace and land for my people, except you are just giving it to me. I don't mean to be so..."

"Guarded, but you can't help it. I understand. I really do, Clarke. I take the burdens of the war and deaths on my shoulders so my people don't have to. I make the decisions on what we should do in order to survive and that is just because I went over the wall and almost wiped out the Praha."

"What? What does that even mean? You went over the wall?"

"They kidnapped my wife. They tortured her. They did...unspeakable things to her. I tried to rescue her and they hurt her in front of me before they sent me home. They moved by the time I was able to go back after her. She was dead by then. To torment me more, they sent her back in pieces, Clarke. The last was her head."

"I don't know..." Clarke started as she reached out for Palla's hand, taking it in her own.

"She was my everything. I was adrift then. I didn't care if I lived or died. I gathered my weapons and my caballo and rode for the wall. Imber, our general, tried to stop me, but I was hellbent on avenging her. My life didn't matter. Theirs were forfeit."

"Palla..."

"That's how I got my name. I destroyed village after village, looking for the man that took her. I didn't find him. I am not sure that I ever will. I didn't care who died in my pursuit. I didn't. I was ruthless and merciless. I killed everyone...women...children...it didn't matter. They were Praha. They were the enemy. They had to die..."

"Palla..."

"No one could stop me. No one. The only person who could was the person that they killed..." Palla stopped there and paused.

There were tears in her eyes and she stared up at the falls. Clarke watched her. There was a wonder in Clarke's face, but also a knowing. A knowing that she couldn't place, like she'd heard all of this before, but it was different. She searched Palla's face for something, anything, that would make her recognize the similarity to something, someone else, but there were just whispers in the wind.

"Ferre...she's Tamma's twin found me one night, shivering the cold, covered in blood, grime, and gore. I was barely conscious to what was going on around me. The snows had just started. I had been fighting...for months...without stopping...without a care in the world except for death. My caballo was near by. It was a very light and dapple grey, commonly referred to as a 'pale' horse. He, too, was covered in blood and mud. Ferre gathered me up and took me back to her house. She patched me up and didn't let me out of her sight. She beat me and I let her. She was the only one that I would let close enough to me. She fought me and fought me until finally one day she got through the haze and stupor that I'd been in.

"I don't know why she suddenly got through to me, but she did. It could have been that I finally saw her face. It couldn't have been the way that she touched me. But, I think somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, I realized that even though she wasn't Tamma, I wanted her to be. She might have used that. I am sure that she did some days because I was far from consolable...or amiable to doing anything that wasn't related to me getting back over the wall and causing more death.

"She'd brought Balt to try to talk to me. He might have been my father figure, but I wanted nothing to do with the Keepers. I'd promised Tamma. I'd given up my rights to the Keeper, to be the Librarian. They slowly...very slowly brought me back to some semblance of who I was before. I would never be the same and they knew that. Balt knew that I could never go back to just being a simple farmer. He also knew that we didn't have a Fio. Somehow, they convinced me to broker a peace with the Praha."

"So, you weren't Fio, yet?"

"No."

"And, they elected you?" Clarke questioned trying to figure out what Palla was really trying to tell her.

"No, Balt finally told them that I was a black blood. I was given the position automatically. But, more and more people from the Village heard of my deeds over the wall from the Rangers. Soon, I never heard my name anymore. That person was dead. It was just understood. She died over the wall, same as Tamma. After that I was either Fio or Palla. They called me Palla after my pale horse..." Palla continued her story.

"I don't understand," Clarke stated.

"It's from Revelation 6:8."

"Is that from the Bible?" Clarke asked.

"You've read it?"

"No."

"The phrasing is '...behold, a pale horse: and its rider is Death and Hell follows him.' That is what I had become. I had become Death."

"I know the feeling," Clarke lamented.

"The people followed me. I am not sure if it was because they were afraid of my wrath or because they trusted me to protect them from the Praha. I am sure that it had to do with Ferre and Balt, however. But, no one calls me anything other than Palla now. I haven't heard my own name from anyone's lips other than Ferre's in nigh ten years."

"What is your name, your real name?" Clarke inquired as she leaned closer and looked deeply into her eyes, still holding her hand.

"Sorcha Bradbury."