A/N: I must admit I'm a bit nervous about sharing this chapter with you. I'm not sure if you'll love it or hate it. But I'll let you find out and tell me.

38. Vows Unspoken

This was far from the first time in Minerva's life that she and Albus were not on speaking terms, other than to discuss important school business. But it might have been the most confusing. Neither one of them actually wanted to be apart, only that was exactly what they were fighting about.

The longer she tried to figure out what she really wanted, the more Minerva grew weary of arguing. Albus would have laughed in her face for saying that, but she was getting older, too, and she didn't know if she wanted everything to be a never-ending struggle. What if she would simply run out of air eventually? And why would she risk that when there was a man who wanted to give her everything without a fight? With every day that passed, it became harder to explain her hesitation, even to herself.

Albus seemed just as unhappy about the loaded silence between them. Whatever the exact nature of their relationship was, staying away from each other was not the answer.

After they had discussed a couple of student-related incidents in his office a couple of days later, he asked, "Would you perhaps like to stay for a cup of tea?"

Minerva looked up in surprise, but she nodded before she could even properly think about it. "Yes, I'd like that," she accepted his peace offering.

Relieved, Albus rose from behind his desk and indicated that they should settle in the more comfortable chairs by the fire.

"But you should know," Minerva said slowly after she had sat down, "that I have decided to marry Elphinstone."

Albus paused while pouring the tea. "Are things between us really so bad that we need jokes to break the ice?"

"I'm serious, Albus."

He set down the teapot with an audible thud. "You can't be."

Minerva met his gaze squarely. "Try me."

"You said yourself that it was a ridiculous idea," Albus reminded her.

"Well, I did what you told me to do. I've thought about it, and it's really not. He's a smart and very kind man and we have a lot of things in common. Really, I've known that he was in love with me for years now," she admitted. "So if he wants to marry me…"

"What about what you want? Marriage was never on that list."

"You know that's not true. I did want to marry once. When that fell apart, I thought I couldn't possibly marry anyone else, yes. But I… I need something, Albus. Dougal can't have all of my heart forever. If Elphinstone wants to have what's left…" her voice trailed off.

"But you don't love him." He said it without question or hesitation. It made her mad that Albus knew that. That they both knew it. And yet, it didn't seem to make a difference.

"Maybe I don't. But the men in my life that I have loved, I cannot have. So it seems I'm not meant to find true love," she said pointedly. "And I'm beginning to think it might be safer that way. You of all people should understand that."

Her words resulted in a silence so thick with tension that she could have sliced it up with a knife.

"Don't start holding back now, Albus," Minerva said before they could both suffocate. "Clearly, you have more to say."

"Only that the Minerva I used to know would have never settled for second best."

She had thought that she could stomach whatever Albus had to say, but she had thought wrong. How dare he berate her for a choice he had forced on her? Trembling with anger, Minerva stood up.

"Maybe I am settling, but the way I see it that's still a lot braver than to choose to be alone for the rest of my life!" she hissed and stormed towards the door.

"You are not alone, Minerva," Albus said before she could reach it. He was back on his feet, and for once he had abandoned his usual composed manner. But the newfound urgency in his voice was not nearly enough.

"No? How so? Have you changed your mind? Are you going to marry me?" she asked with a humourless laugh.

He took a step forward, but then stopped. "No," he said simply.

"Well then, what would you have me do, Albus? Tell me! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't marry a man who has loved me for years and who wants to grow old with me and give me everything I could ever wa…"

She never got to finish her sentence. In one swift motion Albus had crossed the remaining distance between them, took her face in his hands and sealed her lips with his own. Caught off guard by the intensity of his momentum, Minerva stumbled backwards against the closed door behind her.

With her back pressed against the cool wood, Minerva regained her footing, but Albus wouldn't have let her fall either way. Even if he had, she was way past caring. As soon as she recovered from the initial shock, she reached out to bury her hand in his hair while the other scraped the back of his neck, just to make sure he wouldn't dream of letting go again.

She needn't have worried. In response to the gentle pull of her hands, Albus' kiss only got more demanding, parting her lips, covering her mouth as completely as he had pinned her to the wall with his whole body.

Wherever his lips touched her, her skin was aflame. His kisses burned. Burned like phoenix fire.

Minerva hadn't been kissed like this since Dougal, or perhaps never. She had been so young then. In love with being in love. This was different. This was a love between two adults who, despite their best efforts to the contrary, had become so attuned to one another that they were now the very air they needed to breathe.

That they were now literally sharing one breath was the only impossible and yet inevitable conclusion.

When at long last the need for real oxygen overpowered the need for each other, Albus released her lips and rested his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," he said, breathing heavily. "I shouldn't have done that."

Minerva's lips felt too swollen to talk, but this was more important. "Yes, you should have. You deserve to take what you want."

He brushed a loose strand of her hair back behind her ear. Then he let that hand trail down her cheek and her neck all the way to her heart. It was beating so desperately against her ribcage as if it was trying to burst forth from her chest so he could literally hold it in the palm of his hand.

"Taking what I want has never worked out well for me," Albus said with rueful smile.

"Then it's a good thing that I on the other hand always get what I want," Minerva replied, pushing off the wall to get closer to him, though there wasn't much space left between them. In fact, she could already feel the hardness of his body press into her.

"You have a very worrisome tendency to choose that which is most dangerous to you," he pointed out, but his hand drifted a little lower, cupping her breast.

Heat pulsed between her legs with an intensity that made it increasingly hard to think. "I'm a grown woman, Albus. I can handle whatever it is you think you could do to me."

"Are you sure about that?" he asked, bunching up her robes and finding a way to slip his hand inside.

"For the love of God, Albus!" Minerva hissed. "Will you stop talking?"

He chuckled, but it turned into more of a growl when she moved up against him very deliberately. His lips crashed down on hers again. At the same time he began to pull her away from the door with one hand and fumbled for his wand with the other. When he had sealed the door, they staggered through the portrait into his sitting room, turning in circles as though in a state of intoxication.

Which wasn't far from the truth. They were drunk, drunk on each other and the sweetness they captured from each other's lips. They stumbled over some of Albus' many books and took a tumble onto his bed.

"I keep telling you that you need to clean up in here," Minerva laughed.

"Mhm, I know what we need to get rid of first. If you'll allow me?" Albus asked and Minerva nodded somewhat impatiently. He had his wand in his hand again and he used a Vanishing Spell on their clothes. All of them.

Minerva yelped, suddenly feeling exposed, flushed as she was with desire, but also embarrassment and perhaps a little fear. Albus bent over her, bringing his face up to hers, gently forcing her to meet his gaze. His eyes were bright with adoration, affection and arousal. It dissolved her need to cover herself and she allowed his eyes and his hands to roam where they pleased. Her breath caught in her throat when she now also lay eyes on him, all of him. She had never let herself appreciate how truly handsome he was.

Desperate to discover every inch of him, she pushed him into the pillows, reversing their positions for a moment. And he let her. She could feel that he would let her do whatever she wanted, and it only made her want him more. Perched on top of him, Minerva traced the smoothness of his chest and abdomen with the tips of her fingers and laid a trail of kisses all the way to his bellybutton, as far down as she dared, and then back up to his face.

"You said you wouldn't make me yours," she whispered. "Well, too late, because I'm making you mine."

His chest rumbled with laughter and his eyes were an entirely new shade of blue, dark and smouldering with passion. "There's no need to claim what's already yours."

"If you are mine and you really want me to be yours, then prove it, Albus. Prove it and take me," she challenged him.

The shade of his eyes became darker still before Albus turned them around again, mindful to keep his weight off her when he covered her body with his. He distracted her by planting a slow lingering kiss on her lips and then one thrust of his hips brought them together.

Everything in Minerva's body tightened, her heart clenched, her breath hitched, as Albus reduced all of her conscious thought to a single feeling, the feeling of having him inside of her. And it only grew when he began to move, leaving Minerva helpless to do anything but clutch at his back while she trembled all over and eventually came completely undone in his arms. Albus couldn't hold back any longer either and their moans mingled in a shameless symphony of release.

With every single nerve in her body tingling madly, her arms and legs as limp and pliable as jelly, and her skin glistening with a thin film of sweat, Minerva sank back into the pillows. She felt more content and relaxed in this moment than she could remember ever having felt before. Albus shifted off of her, but only as far as he needed to so his weight wouldn't bear down on her. He left his arm lying across her middle and he rested his head right next to hers on the same pillow.

Minerva only needed to turn her head to start kissing him again. Now that the urgency was out of the way, they could go slowly, tasting what it felt like without the desperation and the fear of possibly losing each other. Now, all that was left was a promise. And it tasted of forever.

When the heat in her chest began to subside and her breaths were less ragged, the drowsiness came. Curling into Albus, Minerva closed her eyes. He covered them both with the duvet, and she fell asleep, knowing she was exactly where she needed to be.

As he watched Minerva sleep, Albus wasn't sure if he was truly awake. While something like this might have happened in some of his more vivid dreams, he definitely hadn't planned for it to happen in real life. Then again, he had planned for very little where Minerva was concerned.

Perhaps Albus would never find out what had possessed him to throw all his caution to the wind like that. Though to be fair, Elphinstone had left him with precious little choice. When he imagined Minerva in the other man's arms, naked, open and beautiful, it made Albus' blood run cold and he tightened his hold on her just a little.

The movement jostled her enough for her eyes to flutter open. They widened almost imperceptibly when she caught him already looking at her, but then they softened happily. Albus' lips curled up into a smile in response. He couldn't stop his expression from turning solemn, however, when he thought of the consequences this would have outside of this little bubble they were in.

Minerva's eyes narrowed and before Albus could open his mouth to say something, she suddenly sat up. "Save me the speech, Albus. This was not a mistake. Or maybe it was. I guess only time will tell. But either way, we deserve to find out."

Amused, Albus let his eyes roam over her. No matter what happened, he never wanted to forget the way she looked this morning in all her glory. "I was just going to ask if you'd like to have breakfast in bed," he said.

Finally, Minerva remembered that she was naked. With an adorable blush to her cheeks, she pulled the covers back up to her collarbone. This was an entirely new side of her that he had never thought he would get to explore. It was embarrassingly difficult to think of anything else.

"Well, I have no idea where my clothes are, or my wand for that matter, so staying in this bed is really the only choice I have," she said with a hint of annoyance.

Albus chuckled. "I admit that might have been intentional on my part." But he never wanted her to feel powerless, so he reached over and handed her back her wand.

Minerva took it, looked at it and then put it aside. "So, you were saying about breakfast?"

He laughed and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before he got out of bed. He slipped into his dressing gown and sent a quick request down to the kitchens. Within minutes he returned to the bed with a tray.

Now it was Minerva's turn to look amused. "Grapefruit again?"

"I thought now would be a good time to work on that 'making you happy' part," Albus replied.

Minerva cupped his cheek with her right hand. "I don't need the grapefruit for that."

He couldn't help himself. He had to kiss her again, and this time she responded, so much so that the tray between them began to clatter warningly.

Albus reined his urges back in. "I want to take you somewhere today," he said. It was Saturday, which was lucky. As much as he loved being a teacher, he couldn't imagine anything worse than to be stuck in a classroom away from her all day.

"Where are we going?" Minerva asked curiously.

"Away from here," he said simply. Hogwarts was their home, but it was also filled with hundreds of prying eyes.

"All right then," she nodded, not demanding any more information. After what she had trusted him with last night, Albus certainly hoped that she trusted him enough to take her on a little surprise outing.

After breakfast he reluctantly let her go to take a shower and dress for the day. The connection between the Hogwarts fireplaces that Albus had never given much thought suddenly took on a whole new meaning. It allowed Minerva to return to her office without anyone noticing. Albus made a mental note to stock up on Floo Powder.

About an hour later he stood at the edge of Hogsmeade, just off High Street, where they had agreed to meet. Albus smiled when he saw Minerva approach. He had told her to dress in Muggle wear, just in case they would be seen, though he very much planned to be alone with her. She had followed those instructions by donning a light summer dress. She had also left her hair open, which could only be a concession to his preference for it that way.

Albus had done the same thing earlier when he had stood in front of the mirror grooming himself. It was silly, but any grey hairs he might find now while trimming his beard would make him feel guilty for allowing Minerva to give herself to an older man like him. Then again, after last night he almost felt young again. And no grey hairs in sight.

When Minerva reached him, Albus really wanted to kiss her hello, but he pulled himself together. "Fancy seeing you here, Professor," he teased her.

Her eyes gleamed with happiness. That he had something to do with that made Albus' heart lighter than it had been in years. "It's a beautiful day for a stroll," she said, amused.

"I quite agree," Albus nodded and held out a hand to her. "Shall we get going then?"

Minerva took his hand and he gently guided her towards their destination when they Disapparated together.

As soon as they reappeared, a gust of wind picked up Minerva's hair and started playing with it. Impatiently, she brushed those unruly strands out of her face and turned in a tight circle to find her bearings. They were standing amidst green hills, high cliffs, hidden plateaus and spectacular pinnacles of rock. The wild landscape was almost as stunning as the light that sparked in Minerva's eyes in response.

"This is the Quiraing," she said. "We're on the Isle of Skye."

Albus smiled. "See, there was no need to worry about me kidnapping you."

"That's because you can't kidnap a Scot in her own country," Minerva laughed.

"Then would you do me the honour of sharing your country with me?" Albus asked.

She took his hand again and they started on a little walk, enjoying the breathtaking vistas as much as each other's company. Minerva regaled him with stories about family hiking trips from her childhood and Albus had to concede that he probably wouldn't be able to keep up with her on a serious hike.

When they chanced upon a sheltered spot where the wind couldn't reach them and the sun burned just enough to keep them warm, they stopped to take in the view.

"Is there anything more beautiful than this?" Minerva marvelled.

"I can think of a few things," Albus replied, planting a kiss on her cheek and then, unwilling to let go, he started kissing his way down her neck.

"Albus!" she warned him softly when he pushed the strap of her dress over her shoulder for better access.

In response, he pulled his wand out of his pocket and waved it lazily in a circle. "No one will find us here," he promised her.

"Show-off," she laughed.

"Isn't that what attracted you to me in the first place?" he countered.

Minerva raised an eyebrow. "You think I like you for your magic?"

"Don't you?"

"Perhaps a little." She chuckled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "But mostly just you."

Albus used his wand one more time to conjure a thick blanket and several pillows to soften the ground. Then he gently laid her down and took all the time in the world to make love to her. Continuing to become familiar with every part of her body, to discover what sounds he could elicit from her when he touched her in certain places and to delight in the knowledge that he could do wonderful things to her by only using his tongue. He might have just unearthed the only sure-fire way to stop Minerva McGonagall from having any sort of clever comeback.

She learned quickly, too. Albus had spent years developing an ironclad grip on himself to make sure that his passions would never again lead him astray. But when Minerva put her soft mouth on him and added a couple of strokes of her fingers, all of his precious self-control completely fell apart.

For a wonderful moment, any moment when it was just the two of them really, it was as if he was free, all his defences betrayed, abandoned. All he wanted was more. More of her. It wasn't just a want anymore. He had learned to suppress those a long time ago. It was a need. A nearly physical hunger.

And Albus couldn't bring himself to regret it or to remember why he should continue to go hungry.

Eventually satiated, at least for now, they lay between the pillows. Just like earlier this morning he could feel Minerva become a little uneasy with her blatant nakedness.

"Do you not trust that my protective spells will keep others away?" he asked.

She just gave him a look. "How could I not trust in your magic at this point?"

"Well, you certainly don't have to hide anything from me," he promised her. He would never tire of looking at her, and she definitely didn't have to worry about him not liking what he saw.

"Give me a break, Albus. This isn't exactly what I was taught in Sunday school."

He laughed and didn't stop her from conjuring a second blanket. Before she covered herself with it, she snuggled up to him, turning onto her side and resting her head on his chest. Albus wrapped an arm around her back and Minerva pulled up the blanket over both of them.

But something seemed to trouble her still. Albus ran a finger down an invisible line on her face, in between her eye, along her nose and past the corner of her mouth. "What is it, Minerva?"

"I just remembered that I need to talk to Elphinstone," she replied. "And I need to do it in person. I owe him that much."

It wasn't what Albus had expected her to bring up right now, but he understood that this was weighing on her. It came from her sense of righteousness and her innate kindness that he admired so much. "I'm sorry. I know that won't be an easy conversation."

"No, but I think he would have been more surprised if I had really said yes than he will be when I say no. He must know that I never loved him."

"He might know that, but hope is a powerful thing. When we fall in love with someone, even when we know we shouldn't, there comes a time when we simply cannot fight it anymore," Albus said thoughtfully.

"Why should you fight it?" Minerva asked. "Falling in love is not a sin."

He heaved a sigh. "I fear sometimes it can be."

Minerva lifted her head off his chest and propped herself on one elbow to look at him. "What are you saying, Albus? We're not talking about Elphinstone anymore, are we?" He didn't answer her right away, but she didn't need him to. "If you're trying to tell me that you still don't want to be with me, you've picked a very poor time to do it," she added almost threateningly.

Albus couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my dear Minerva, if only you knew how completely at your mercy I am right now. I'm not telling you that I don't want you, and I apologise for ever doing that. I'm saying that I love you more than I have any right to."

Her eyes were the most brilliant shade of emerald. "Shouldn't I get to decide that? Who has the right to love me?"

"Of course, but you need to know that while I'm completely incapable of not loving you, I also cannot marry you," Albus told her.

Minerva responded with a dark chuckle. "Just what a woman wants to hear right after having made love to a man."

He rested a hand in the crook of her neck and caressed her skin with his thumb. "I suppose it wasn't very honourable of me not to tell you this before, but I did warn you that I'm not an honourable man."

"Of course you are," she said with an insistence he didn't dare defy. "You are complicated and you won't stop torturing yourself. But you're also brave and generous and caring. You will always forgive and you will never not fight for those who deserve it. So I would thank you for no longer talking ill about the man I love."

"Is that truly me?" Albus wondered.

"It took me a while to see it because of what happened with Dougal. And I won't ever forget him," she confessed. "But I'm beginning to feel as if everything does happen for a reason. Because my reason is being with you, Albus, and I think it has been for the longest time."

She placed a finger on his lips to stop him from responding. "I don't care if you never want to get married or tell anyone about us because this is not for anyone else to know. This love is yours and mine and no one else's, certainly not the Ministry's, the papers or who else you're worried about. Just us."

Albus lifted his other hand to cup her face and pull it back down to his. Her hair fell forward and hid them behind a black curtain, tickling his skin, but the only thing that mattered was the feeling of their lips touching.

Not all vows needed words to be binding.

When she had stolen all of his air and he had gladly let her, they settled back down. Albus had both of his arms wrapped around her now, revelling in the simple joy of holding her to him.

"Did you love him?" Minerva startled him with a question he hadn't expected.

"Whom?" he asked warily.

"Grindelwald."

Albus fought the impulse to turn away from her as that would have meant to push her away, so he just closed his eyes for a moment.

"I'm sorry," Minerva said, resting a hand on his cheek. "You just never explicitly said…"

He opened his eyes again because he couldn't look away from her for too long. "Yes, I loved him."

She didn't respond, so eventually he asked, "Does that change anything?"

"No. It just makes me wonder what he and I have in common," Minerva admitted.

"Why would you need to have anything in common?" Albus argued, and he watched her realise that he and Dougal were also very different people.

Still, he said, "You both… saw me. Of course, Gellert only saw the worst parts of me and you have always seen the best. Though I'm fairly certain that the best part of me is you."

"I thought I told you to stop talking about yourself like that," Minerva chided him.

He smiled helplessly. "Old habits. Isn't it enough that I know that I love you, even if I don't know why it is that you love me or even if you should?"

"No, but I guess for now the love is enough and we can figure out the rest later," she replied, and the kiss she gave him was the sweetest yet.

It meant that she understood. They both did. That some wounds were too deep to heal, but they could learn to live with them. And more importantly, to love around them.

There was no use promising that there would never be anything but happiness, but they could promise that there would never be regret.