A/N: Let me just say that I do love Rollisi and I think they're great together, but that doesn't change the fact that Amanda is still a bi queen (at least in my head) and I will die proudly on that hill. Some of you might not like this, but I needed to write something kinda lighthearted for myself to get through this last part of the weirdest hiatus ever.
Quarrels and bullets.
Just a moment ago, she had been straddling him on the bed, grinning and letting out soft giggles as he moved his hands up and down her bare sides, made accessible due to the fact that she was covered only by her underwear. They had been busy exchanging mostly innocent kisses and silly comments to ease each other down from a long and tiring day.
She's not even sure how it all started.
All she knows is that a minute ago, she was happy, and now she wants to punch someone. Mainly him.
"You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're joking." She's moving away from him on the bed, but keeps her eyes fixed on his face, searching it for a playful smile or just something to give away that he's not being serious.
"Listen, all I'm saying is that it adds to the competition, you know?"
"What competition?" Amanda asks, not even trying to hide the annoyance in her voice.
"Oh, please." He scoffs loudly. "There's always competition."
She mimics his scoff mockingly, but humorlessly. "I'm not some prize or… or piece of meat that animals fight over."
"That's not what I said." His frustration is showing now, and it's emphasized by the way he drags a hand over his face.
"Actually, it kinda was." She mumbles, knowing deep down that he might be right, but she's just a bit too stubborn to acknowledge it.
"So you wouldn't have a problem with me being bi or pan?"
"No!" Amanda exclaims as she gets out of the bed where their make out session had suddenly turned into the complete opposite. She's annoyed about that, too. She really needed a release and now she finds herself left with nothing but tension. "Of course not."
"Sure." Carisi rolls his eyes and it only adds to her agitation. She loves him, there's no doubt about that. But god, he sure knows how to push her buttons.
"What? You don't believe me?" She stomps over to the dresser and pulls out a pair of jeans and one of the sweaters she usually wears when she goes running.
"I don't know what to believe." He throws his arms out while watching her with a mix of both worry and resignation in his eyes. "Can't we just forget about this? I'm sorry, ok?"
"Is this some religious thing?" Amanda asks while pulling up her pants and ignoring his apology. "Cause if it is, then we have bigger problems than you just being a huge ass right now."
"No, babe, you know I support everyone's right to be and love whoever they want, you know that, right?"
She's just about to throw her sweater on, but stops to glance over at him. She knows he's telling her the truth, but for some reason she can't get herself to let this go right away. "I'm not so sure."
"Oh, come on." Carisi sighs loudly. "Where are you going?"
"Out." The detective says with her jaw slightly clenched while pulling the sweater over her head. "I need some fresh air."
"Babe, seriously?"
"Yes! Seriously." Just as she's about to open the bedroom door, she turns around. "But don't worry, babe, I'm not going to a gay bar." The blonde detective adds a fake smile for good measure before she exits the room.
"Ama-" She ignores his voice as she moves down the hall before quickly getting her shoes on, impatient to get out of her apartment that suddenly feels so cramped and just a little suffocating. As soon as she's out on the street and the crisp October air fills her lungs, she fumbles for her phone, texting while she walks with hurried steps.
"That shooting range and drinks thing… You up for it tonight?"
"I'm knees deep in paperwork, don't know if I can make it."
"It's fine, I get it. Raincheck."
It was a long shot anyway, hoping that Olivia would be able to join her on such short notice. And maybe it's better for her to spend some time by herself, god knows that's a rarity these days. She spends a few minutes agonizing over the fact that she used to feel so lonely, and now that she actually has someone, she's storming out doors to get away. It makes her feel like an ungrateful bitch and she hates it.
By the time Amanda opens the door to the shooting range however, she has managed to mostly turn her self-loathing into anger.
She has just lowered her gun when a familiar voice can be heard through her earplugs. "Easy there, Rollins. I think he's already dead."
"Not dead enough." The blonde mumbles before firing four more shots. She removes the plugs from her ears as she turns to look at her captain. "Thought you were too busy?"
"Paperwork can wait." Olivia shrugs. "Got a feeling you needed to talk. What's going on? Trouble in paradise?"
She doesn't respond, just looks at her with a flat expression for a few seconds before realization spreads across the brunette's face. "Oh, there is trouble in paradise. What happened?"
Amanda puts the gun down then and leans against the brick wall. "We had a fight."
"About?"
Suddenly the entire thing feels so stupid, and she finds herself regretting sending the text. Her boss surely has enough to deal with.
But she's here now, so she might as well talk. "Me being bi." She says with a shrug.
"You're bi?"
The blonde's eyes widen at Olivia's words and the surprised tone in her voice. "Wh- You didn't know?"
"No! You never told me."
"Yes I did!"
"No, you didn't."
"Me basically telling you that I wanted to have a threesome with a man and a woman wasn't a big enough hint? Me complaining about pick-up lines in straight bars and gay bars? Come on, Liv." She gives the brunette a playful shove against the shoulder. "You used to be a pretty good detective."
"I didn't think of it as you coming out, I just… I just thought you were making conversation."
"About hooking up with women?" Amanda says with a deadpanned expression.
"Fine, ok, you're bi, congratulations, what's that got to do with him?"
"He… He got all jealous and possessive and weird about it." She knows that she might be exaggerating just a little, but Olivia doesn't need to know that.
"He felt threatened or something?"
"I don't know, he just… I don't want him to think that I'll sleep with anyone, that's not what being bi is about, but he made me feel that way." Exaggerations aside, that last part is true though, and Amanda realizes that he might've, unknowingly and accidentally, touched on something that has nothing to do with him and everything to do with her history and her feelings about herself.
"Did you tell him that?"
The blonde laughs like it's the most ridiculous thing she has ever heard. "No, of course I didn't."
"Maybe you should."
"Thank you, couples therapist Benson."
"You're welcome." Olivia snickers. "But what exactly did he say?"
Amanda's smile fades away as she puffs before biting down on her lip. "He said… He said 'do you know how stressful it is knowing that I could lose you to any other guy any second? And now I have to worry about the women as well.'"
"So basically he clumsily told you that he loves you and the he doesn't want to lose you."
"Are you seriously taking his side?"
"No, Amanda." The brunette rolls her eyes. "The way I see it, there's no side to take."
"We were both in the wrong?"
"No, you were both in the right." She moves her hands to Amanda's shoulders. "You just need to talk about it. You know, like couples do."
The detective purses her lips before a loud sigh escapes them. Wordlessly letting the other woman know that she's right. "Can we go get that drink now?"
"Yeah." Olivia says before giving her a pat on the back. "We can go get that drink now."
"I really am sorry, Amanda. I shouldn't have said it like that. I was just being an insecure ass. Forgive me?"
Her lips curl upwards as she reads the text while Olivia is busy placing their order by the bar.
"You just touched on some stuff that's hard to talk about. You're absolutely forgiven. Having drinks with Liv. Don't wait up."
Before her captain returns to their table, she quickly picks up the phone again and adds one last text. "Or do."
"So-" Amanda starts after giving the waiter a brief smile. "Has it ever been a problem for you?"
The brunette eyes her for a second before lifting the glass to her mouth. "Has what been a problem for me?"
"You know." She shrugs. "With Cassidy or Tucker, when they found out that you're bi."
"Amanda… I'm not."
At first, the blonde's expression is completely neutral, but it doesn't take long before a loud chuckle rumbles up from her chest. With the captain's confused, but slightly flustered eyes locked to hers, Amanda tilts her head, reaches out and gives Olivia hand a gentle squeeze. "Oh, honey." She smiles. "Bless your heart."
A/N: Before you come at me for making Amanda bi: Don't. Before you come at me for making Carisi a jealous boyfriend: Don't. Just humans being humans.
Until next time.