Chapter 38

Palla and Hrathgar came out of the trees and finally slowed down. She was breathing hard, but she was also studying the barracks. It seemed quiet, almost too quiet. But, then she saw Abby, Indra and Bellamy heading for the stables. She turned her caballo towards them, but sent Hrathgar towards the barracks.

"Go check on Ferre and the kids. I'll see what they are up to. The reinforcements should be here soon. I doubt that Imber will allow them to camp for the night. We've got to deal with the wall. Go. I'll be fine."

"It isn't you I'm worried about," he called back with a smile and a hint of a laugh.

"He's never going to stop now..." she mumbled as she trotted over to the stable catching Abby off guard, but Indra with sword in hand.

"Palla?" Abby said as she heard the caballo.

"Sha, Abby. I'm back. But, I see you are going somewhere. Is there something that I need to know?"

Indra snorted, but continued to saddle the caballos with Bellamy's help. He knew better than to stop just because Palla was there. Clarke had given them orders to get to the Processing Station and make sure that it was safe. They had a timeline and Palla being there now didn't change anything. Clarke was coming back down from the ship with as many people as she dared.

"Clarke is coming back down with lots of people. We need to be in the Processing Station to help her. She wants to get as many through as quick as possible. She understands the need to do this and she is trying to comply with your wants. If we can scan them at the station, we can process more than one at time at the clinic. She's woken my fellow doctor and apprentice, Dr. Eric Jackson. He'll join Clarke and I as we process everyone to your standards."

"I'll help," Palla told her.

"You know...nevermind. I am sure that you know how to use the scanners. What about Bellamy and Indra? Can you teach them?"

"No, Skaifisa," Indra started. "We are meant to be protection until we can process some warriors. I am sure that you can teach some of the other fisa to help once they are cleared, but the warriors and guards should be a priority."

"I agree," Bellamy added. "We need more troops on the ground. Once we have enough to actually guard the station, we can then process some of the healers and teach them to help."

"How many do you think we need?" Palla asked them.

"Twelve?" Bellamy asked throwing out a number.

"I would like to see the entire processing station first," Indra told her.

"Sha," Palla replied. "Let's go then. We are wasting daylight and time."

They watched as she took off the saddle from the caballo she was on. She carried it with ease through the stables to another caballo and saddled it. Within minutes, she was mounted and waiting on them. Indra and Bellamy already saw that she was armed, but didn't know when she had the time to grab anything. Indra just smiled as she handed her a sword on a baldric as she rode passed.

"Where did she get..."

"She is Palla, Goufa. Like Heda, she is prepared. Now, mount up," Indra told him.

He didn't miss the fact that she called him child. He mildly wondered if that was better than "man-child" or "boy," but he didn't have time to care. He mounted and followed them out of the stables. As they rode he wondered how long Indra was going to punish him for what happened with Octavia. He knew he was wrong. He'd even taken the beating from Indra and even Echo. He knew when he looked into Abby's disappointed, dark eyes how bad he'd really fucked up. They were all his family. Even, Palla was worming her way in. He'd failed them because he'd failed Octavia and she was his actually blood.

He shook his head. He betrayed his own sister, tried to kill her. Well, not really kill her, just incapacitate her long enough for Clarke and Madi to stop her misguided war with Diyoza. It hadn't gone as planned and he knew that Octavia hated him for it, until she realized that she'd broken Wonkru and they were trying to save it. He thought about the fact that she still hated him for what Pike had done. Pike's death hadn't stopped her hatred and feelings of betrayal at what Bellamy had done. She still mourned Lincoln. It was all his fault. He was supposed to protect her and she was just trying to survive.

"My sister...my responsibility," he stated quietly to himself.

She'd survived on her own. She'd made her own way. She'd come into her own as a warrior. She'd become the Osleya because of everything that she'd been through. She survived the Conclave of the Twelve Clans and won the bunker for Skaikru. She'd made the decision to save a hundred from each clan. She saved over eight hundred. Sure her methods might have seemed barbaric, but she had to maintain power and control in a concrete and reinforced steel hole in the ground with a wing and prayer that the Earth would be survivable again in five years. She'd kept them alive through the Dark Year. It hadn't been pretty, but she didn't know if they'd ever get out. Jaha had told them that they wouldn't when they figured out that the hatch was blocked. Through it all, Octavia had stepped up without the people she needed most by her side and they prevailed.

Palla slowed to let Bellamy catch up to her. She could see that he was thinking...hard. She could only wonder what his thoughts were.

"She doesn't owe me forgiveness," he said quietly as he trotted beside her.

"She doesn't."

"I owe her forgiveness."

"You do," Palla answered.

"Do you think that she'll ever forgive me?" Bellamy asked as he turned to look into her dark eyes.

"She is your blood, Bellamy."

He nodded. He knew that it wasn't a positive reaction, but it gave him hope. She was his sister. They were the only siblings on the Ark after the birth control initiative was enacted for population control. They'd lost their mother just for Octavia existing. He hated her for that, but he knew that it wasn't O's fault. If he thought about it enough, it was really his mother's. Aurora had put them both in a bad spot. She'd carried Octavia. She'd made Bellamy as small child swear to protect her at any cost. They'd both put her in the floor to hide her. His mother ... slept with guards to know when the "surprise" inspections of their quarters were. She'd slept with the Captain of the Guard to get Bellamy on the Guard...another way for him to save Octavia. But, their mother had never thought out what they were going to do when Bellamy found someone to love. Aurora's inability to deal with Octavia before her birth gave Octavia's life a death sentence as soon as she was born. If she'd be discovered after eighteen, she would just have been floated. He really needed to talk to Octavia. But, before he did. He needed to talk to Abby. She was the only one who would be receptive enough and willing to tell him the trials that faced them in the bunker beyond the stories he knew. He needed to know more. He wanted to hear every horrifying detail. He had to hear them. Without it, he wouldn't know how to find the depth of forgiveness that he owed his sister. And, she deserved everything that he could give her and more.

Hrathgar was up the stairs in tearing through Palla's door before he'd even thought to pull a blade. He was however met with a blade to his throat as soon as he stepped through the door. Octavia was leaning against the wall of the small hallway, but she had a glint in her eyes that told him not to move. He swallowed reflexively and waited for her to remember who he was. Then, he remembered that she'd never really seen him at the barracks. She'd been out due to the Sticky Sap.

"Madi?" he questioned loudly enough hoping to get her attention wherever she was in the barracks apartment.

Octavia growled at him. She actually growled. He would have laughed had she not had him pinned in that spot and the blade pushing into his skin.

"Heda!" Octavia quietly shouted over her shoulder, never taking her eyes off of him.

Madi came around the corner and softly stepped up to them. She put her arm on Octavia's shoulder and pushed slightly. Hrathgar gave them both a nod as Octavia lowered her sword. She didn't take her eyes of the mountain of man with blond hair and clear blue eyes. She waited for heda to give her more instruction.

"He is Ferre's houmon, Okteivia."

Octavia then moved to let him pass. She heard him say a mumbled thanks as he walked passed. She leaned further into the wall, using it to hold herself up.

"You need to rest."

"I will rest when I know that you have more protection, Heda."

"O?"

"No, I know that this isn't ideal, but Clarke wanted to make sure that you were safe. With me, even injured, if I can move, I can fight. She knows that. She also knows that I will die to protect you if needed. As do you. Besides, I think four days of sleeping counts as enough rest for a while," Octavia stated as she pushed off the wall to head back to the common room to sit and watch the young Terren family.

Madi just shook her head. She should have known as much. Skairipa was as stubborn as she was loyal. She would be dying and still charge into battle just so it could be said that she took down more of their enemies before she succumb. Hell, she'd wouldn't die to just spite whoever was trying to get to her heda. She was stubborn enough to slay them all and die at Madi's feet knowing that the younger girl was safe and protected. She shook her head again. She would have to talk to Clarke about Octavia's seemingly need to die to deserve her earned place. She wondered if she was still so upset about Lincoln that she had a death wish. And, if so, was serving as guard for Heda the best thing for her. Then, she remembered that Clarke had made Octavia her personal guard and Echo Madi's. It was a way for her to keep an eye on O, but with O still sick from the Stick Sap, she'd had to take Echo with her. Shaking her head again, she realized how much Clarke cared for everyone and that she pushed them all to be better people than they were on Earth.

"What news, Hrathgar?' Madi asked as she joined them again.

She felt Octavia move to be beside her. She leaned against the chair, using it to rest against with her hip. She sighed, knowing it was the best she was going to get from the older warrior at the moment.

"We talked to Imber," he replied.

"And?" Ferre asked.

The more time that Octavia spent with the feisty blonde, the more she liked her. It was amazing enough to her that she was married to Hrathgar now that she had a face to go with the name. It was hard to believe that he was the same man that Ferre had been telling her about earlier. But, looking at the way that they looked at each other, she could believe how much they loved each other.

"Imber took blame for the breach in the wall. He's sending engineers and soldiers to the wall to repair it and guard it. Palla wasn't exactly happy with his answer, but she doesn't have a real reason to doubt him. She doesn't want to doubt him."

"And you?" Octavia asked as she moved to sit on the arm of the chair Madi was still in.

He turned and regarded her. She was obviously the one that Palla had gone to save. She was up and moving. He knew that this was a good sign. She would make a full recovery. But, he could also see it in her eyes. She wanted blood for what happened.

"I am not sure. Imber has never done anything against Palla or the Village. He has always seemed loyal. There has never been a reason to distrust him."

"But you have reservations?" she pushed.

"It isn't that. It just seems more a lack of interest on his part. He was ordered to staff the wall and the guard towers so something like this wouldn't happen. But, he neglected the section near the barracks. Scouts died under his command and he didn't even know. I just..."

"Don't trust him," Octavia finished for him.

"I question his ability to lead," Hrathgar stated.

"And, Palla?"

"She is worried, but she doesn't want to act without proof."

"Smart."

"She worried about the coming Earthlings. She doesn't know how things are going to progress with your people and the Praha. If this is any indication, a war might not be avoidable. She doesn't want any bloodshed. She wants peace, but she isn't afraid to fight for it. But there is something else..."

"What?" Ferre asked seeing the worry in his eyes.

"She's losing her touch. She's worried that she can't be who she needs to be any more. She told me that she's lost her stomach for war."

"And, this is a bad thing?" Ferre questioned.

"It is if we have to attack. She took on the entire nation of Praha on her own, Ferre. I know that she was scary as Hades when she came back, but we both know what she went through...what Tamma went through for her to get to that. Octavia was another tipping point. I'm sorry but it is. We can't deny it. It would do no good. You didn't see her when she woke from her injuries. She wants blood for them hurting you," Hrathgar told her as he turned from his wife to the warrior woman and watched her bristle at his words. "But, she is afraid."

"Afraid?" Octavia asked. "Of what? The Praha?"

"No, of the darkness, of the beast that is inside her," Ferre said as tears started to fall. "I refuse to lose her again. We almost lost her once, Hrathgar. I can't watch her go through that again. I can't. I won't let Lex either."

"You won't have to," Madi stated as she stood.

"If the Praha attack and someone is taken or Eligius forbid it, someone is killed, she will feed the beast. She will unleash it and remind them why she is called Palla. And, honestly, I don't think that we can bring her back from that again."

"You won't have to," Madi replied, standing.

"Then who will? Hmm? You? Are you willing to die for her, Madi? Are you willing to kill her to save everyone from her wrath?" Ferre questioned through her tears.

"I am. I will. And, if I can't..."

"I will," Octavia told them. "And, I know that it won't come to that."

"Why not?" Hrathgar asked, surprised at their conviction.

"Because Clarke would never let her do it alone."

"Huh? What does that even mean?" Hrathgar and Ferre both inquired.

"She bears it all so we don't have to," Octavia said lowly and looked up into the blue eyes of Madi, who just nodded at her assessment. "And, we let her."