Chapter 39
Raven was making final checks on the lander. Emori was checking everything from the bridge. Clarke stood in the hanger bay and wondered who they would leave aboard to run the ship until they could return. She knew that Raven had checked the reserve tanks on the Eligius IV to find out that they had plenty of hydrazine to fuel plenty of trips back and forth. Plus, they knew that the main fuel aboard the Eligius IV was meant to keep the ship afloat in space for centuries before it ran out. They couldn't use it on the drop ship.
Things were progressing well considering how quickly they were going. She looked out the window just outside the hanger bay. The pitch black of space was dark and infinite. She hated it now. It used to comfort her as a child, but after everything, all space meant with death. Green, blue, brown even, all meant life and the ground. And, even if the ground brought her closer to death, it gave her something that space never could: life.
"It's not the same anymore," Raven said as she joined Clarke.
"It isn't."
"Do you think about it all? How different life might have been if the Ark had survived? If we were still in space?" Raven asked.
"You'd still have Finn and your leg," Clarke stated.
"I know. And, you'd have Wells and be a doctor."
"God, help us," Clarke said.
"I know, right? Who would want that? Life may not be as easy as it was on the Ark, but things are better. I know that seems counterintuitive to everything that we know, but we've done things that we never thought we would, Clarke. We've become adults. We've fought for life and we've survived. You know he'd be proud of you. I know I am," Raven told her.
"I would like to think that he is, Raven. And, no matter what happens, I still don't have him. He was my rock on the Ark and then he was floated."
"I know what you mean. That was Finn for me," Raven told her.
"I'm still sorry for that," Clarke started.
"But, you couldn't let him suffer. I never really told you thank you for that. After what happened to me and then Gustus after you figured it out, I realized that it was would have happened to Finn. You gave him a simple death, quick and as painless as you could. Thank you for that."
"I didn't do it for you, Raven."
"I know that, Clarke. I know that you didn't do it for me. You didn't do it for Finn, either. You did it for yourself, but that doesn't matter. He didn't have to suffer a thousand cuts. The more time I thought about it, I realized that he needed to be punished. He killed eighteen innocent people. I don't know what happened to him. The ground changed him. It has changed us all, Clarke."
"Yeah, it has," Clarke said flatly with a small exhale of breath.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Are we doing the right thing, Raven?"
"You're questioning this now?"
"I just...we're about to start another war because we landed in the wrong territory," Clarke stated.
"No, we aren't starting a war. We are trying to survive. We might not always be the 'good guys,' but at least we haven't actively attacked anyone that hasn't attacked us first. I know that there was a lot of gray areas on Earth and thank God that you were the one with the level navigating it. If it had been me, we'd all be dead. And, let's not forget your mother... I'll deny it if you ever say it, but you and Kane saved our collective asses on more than one occasion."
"And, then I fell in love with the Commander," Clarke added.
"She was pretty hot," Raven said.
Clarke just looked at her a little shocked.
"What she was? You know once you got passed all the war paint and wanting someone's blood all the time, she wasn't half bad. Not my cup of tea, but hey, never said that she wasn't hot. Just that I wasn't sure that she had your best interests at heart," Raven told her. "But, honestly, Clarke it didn't matter."
"Why not?"
"Because Lexa would have moved heaven and Earth to protect you and keep you happy. Hell, you said that she ordered the novitates to protect not only you but all of Skaikru. She wouldn't have done that if she didn't love you."
"I know."
"Are you lonely?"
"Define lonely," Clarke said.
"O not doing it for you?" Raven asked her.
Clarke blushed. She hadn't really thought about that since...well, Bellamy was at their door. She turned to look deep into Raven's eyes. She saw nothing but mischief. She knew that Raven didn't care. Hell, how could she? She'd slept with Bellamy because she was mad at Finn. It was a one time deal, but that didn't mean that they both hadn't looked at each other again after that.
"I am not even going to begin to comment on that," Clarke said.
"So, she was good?"
"Raven..." Clarke warned.
"What? At least some of us are getting some. You forget that I was stuck on the Ring with a bunch of couples. I was the odd one out. And, let me tell you that things got really weird when Emori and Murphy broke up for a while. She moved in with me. Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind having a roommate. But she sulked. I could have done without that."
"So, you're saying that if I'd made it back that something might have happened between us?" Clarke asked turning Raven's game back on her.
"Hell, who knows? Why not? You're hot, Princess and who wouldn't want a piece of this?"
"You are incorrigible," Clarke replied.
"But, you love me," Raven stated.
"Sometimes, I wonder why."
"Because I am awesome."
"Yes, you are," Clarke said, gathering her into a fierce hug. "Come on. We've got a call to make and ship to land. You ready?"
"Ready when you are, Clarkey," Raven said as she took her hand and lead her back to the bridge.
She picked up the mic. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, but they were ready. The window was coming fast and they needed leave. She looked around the bridge and then at Shaw, Emori and Murphy. They had volunteered to stay. She didn't ask why and she didn't need to know. She was just glad that someone was willing. Emori gave Raven a look and then a nod.
"She's trying to fix things with John," Raven whispered.
"And, being alone in space for a few months will do it?"
"Jordan is staying, too, so they have food. But, yeah, at least with a rotation they'll be able to be together and flesh out whatever John's true hang ups are. On the ring it was because he couldn't be the hero anymore. We were stuck. I couldn't get us home on our own. We needed help. John refused to socialize when things started to look like we were stuck again. We could tell anyone either, which made it harder on all of us. We thought you were dead. The radiation was fucking up the radio signals. Hell, we could only see Eden and hope that it would spread and somehow we would find a way back down to it."
"Raven..."
"No, Clarke, don't. You came to save me and we chose to go up. It was the only way to survive. We didn't know that it meant we wouldn't be back."
"But, you came back for me."
"Hell, yeah, we did. Except we didn't know it was you we were coming for in the beginning. We just thought that we were coming home, again. And, hoping that we would find a way into the bunker. Never should have given up on you, though. You are just too plain stubborn to die."
"That I am, it seems."
"Call your mom and let's head back to our temporary home, yeah?"
Clarke smiled at Raven. Even in the darkest of times, Raven would make you smile. It was her wit and quick thinking that kept them all alive so many times, just like for Clarke it was her ability to see what needed to be done and making the harsh decision and bearing the burden of her soul's sacrifice. Life was hard, but they were determined to live it. No matter where they had to do it. They were just too stubborn to give up...to die. And, today was another day.
"Mom?" Clarke said into the mic.
"I'm here, Clarke. Bellamy and Indra are outside guarding the Station. Palla has joined us. She is setting up the stations. As soon as I process Jackson, we will have for stations up and running. How many are you bringing?"
"Almost everyone. I'm not sure that I have full count, but around three hundred fifty. It seems that Echo has talked with the different krus and found out that Octavia started a Fisakru. Why didn't you tell me that you were in charge of it? There are like twenty healers or more here that are waiting for you to tell them what to do. It would have been nice to know that you had a small hospital going on in the bunker," Clarke stated.
"I was a little out of mind in there, Clarke. I was still taking the pills. They helped me with all the day to day stuff and minor injuries. It was still just me and Jackson for all the surgeries. But, tell me one thing," Abby demanded.
"What?"
"Is there a fisa named Lanca among them?"
"Yes, she is. She and her houmon Fayit (Fayette) are with those left from Blue Cliff. Why?"
"She is the midwife," Abby stated.
"Again, why?"
"Diyoza's coming isn't she?"
"Yeah...oh...shit. Okay, I'll have her stay with Diyoza then. Anyone else that I should know about then until we get there?" Clarke asked her mother.
"No, we should be good as soon as you land. Bellamy is going to want some of the guard to processed first. To protect the Station while we run everyone through. It is going to be a very long night. I hope you are rested enough for this, Clarke."
"What's another all night in a medbay, huh, Mom?" she asked.
"I'll see you in a few hours, Clarke. Take it easy. And, come home."
Clarke liked the way that sounded. She wanted home. She wanted to continue to rebuild her relationship with her mom.
"So, now that that's over, wanna talk about the monkey on your back?" Raven asked as the moved from the bridge back down to the loading bay to the drop ship.
Clarke said nothing as they walked. She did however notice that Raven was still favoring her leg more. She would say something to her mom about it. She was sure that Raven agreed to talk to Abby about it at some point. Maybe there was something on Terre Nova that could help her. Maybe the Terrens had some sort of medicine that they didn't have access to or even something that could be done in order to repair the nerve damage in Raven's left leg. It was a long shot, but she knew that it was something Raven was always worried about. If the pain was that strong...maybe her nerves were healing on their own.
"Yo, Clarkey, Octavia got your tongue?"
"Actually no, she doesn't," Clarke quipped with a cocked eyebrow as they strapped in on the bridge of the drop ship.
Raven actually laughed. She was surprised that Clarke actually gave her an answer, truthful or not, but she didn't deny their liaison. She just gave Raven a big smile and went to work.
"Oh, no, you can do that to me. It's just us girls in here. Echo's staying with the passengers to 'keep the peace.' So, spill."
"We've already discussed this."
"No, you told me you fucked and that was about it. I want the dirty, dirty details. I want to know if it was good."
"Raven..."
"It's just you and me and the re-entry from here, Clarke."
"Then it's going to be a bumpy and quiet ride."
"You are officially no fun," Raven said as she prepared to leave the loading bay. "Twenty minutes and counting."
Shaw came over the radio then, "Be good, Raven. Try not to piss anyone off. And, tell Octavia that I want a rematch when I finally get down there."
"You can tell her yourself, asshole," Raven replied.
"I'm an asshole because I know how to run the ship and keep everyone that stayed up here alive. Man, I feel the love. Take care. See you soon."
"I'll call you later," she told him.
"So, Raven?"
"Yeah, Clarke?"
"Get any while we were up here?" Clarke asked her with shiteating grin.
Raven couldn't help but laugh. Shaking her head, she just smiled. She turned back to the console in front of her and begin their prelaunch checks.
"Touche', Griffin. Touche'."