54. Desperate Measures

When Arthur Weasley met them at the gate to the castle grounds, he looked windswept, pale as a Hogwarts ghost and utterly miserable.

"Thank you for coming out here to meet with me," he said, sounding harassed.

"Of course. But you're more than welcome to come inside if you'd like?" Albus offered him kindly. The poor man was clearly in need of a really strong cup of tea.

"No time for that, unfortunately. I just wanted to tell you in person…" He hesitated, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

Minerva ran out of patience first. "Tell us what?" she asked. "Is it about the children? Did something happen to them on the train?"

"That's just it. They're not actually on the train. I mean, some of them are. Most of them, really. We just lost Ron and… Harry," Arthur confessed.

"You lost them?" Minerva repeated, her voice rising higher in disbelief, while Albus closed his eyes for a second.

"Well, not exactly. They… ran off. Or flew off, to be perfectly accurate…"

"What?"

"What happened, Arthur?" Albus demanded calmly. "From the beginning, if you please."

Arthur nodded and took a steadying breath. It didn't have much effect. "We were terribly late getting to the train station. There was so much to pack! One car, six kids, all of their luggage, two owls, four broomsticks, one rat and a cat – no, wait, there was no cat, or was there? Did we forget the cat, too? Do we even have a cat? Anyway, you know how it is…"

He glanced from Albus to Minerva and back. Neither one of them said anything.

"Or maybe you don't. In any case, Molly and I were accompanying Ginny because it's her first time. Ron and Harry were supposed to be right behind us. I don't know what happened. Suddenly the train was leaving and they weren't there, not on the platform, not anywhere in the train station. We ran back outside and that's when we noticed that the car was gone. They must have taken it to get to school that way."

"You think they're trying to get here by car?" Minerva asked dubiously. "They can't even drive!"

"Well, er, the thing is…" If Arthur had seemed uncomfortable before, he looked downright pained now. "… it can fly. The car, I mean. I suppose Ron thought it would be funny to fly it up here. When the boys used it to get Harry a few weeks ago, I failed to tell them how very wrong that was. They could tell I didn't really mean it. But I never would have thought… Molly was right. I should have listened to her…"

"A flying car? Potter and Weasley stole a flying car to fly all the way across the country with it?" Minerva said faintly before she turned to look helplessly at Albus.

He wasn't sure if she wanted him to explain to her how this could really be happening or simply to tell her that she had misheard. Sadly, he would have to disappoint her on both counts. Sometimes he wished people wouldn't always expect him to have something wise and meaningful to say. He didn't feel particularly enlightened right now. Apparently, neither had Harry and Ronald Weasley.

When he stayed silent, Arthur continued, "That's not even the worst part. It looks as though they might have been seen by Muggles. I have to get back to the Ministry to find out how bad it is. I just wanted to warn you first. And, uh, Molly and I were hoping that you would tell us right away if…" he winced and quickly corrected himself, "when… when they arrive."

"Certainly." Albus felt for Arthur, who – aside from a slightly unhealthy fascination with Muggle technology – was one of the most dependable, upstanding and inherently kind men Albus knew. He didn't deserve the trouble he currently found himself in. Not only was one of his sons temporarily missing, there was also a fair chance that he could lose his job at the Ministry. Albus would probably have to talk to Cornelius again – about both Harry and Arthur.

The incident with the Hover Charm appeared in a slightly different light now. Albus just couldn't put his finger on it yet.

"Should we go look for them?" Minerva wondered worriedly.

"They could be anywhere between here and London right now, or rather anywhere up there," Albus said, shaking his head.

They all eyed the sky for a moment, but there was nothing there that shouldn't be.

Minerva lowered her gaze back to Arthur. "You enchanted the car yourself, did you not? Will the charms hold? They won't crash somewhere over Manchester?" she asked sharply.

Arthur blanched. "Merlin's beard, I hope not! I mean, I don't think so. But I never meant for it to have to fly across such a long distance. Hard to say how the car will be affected."

"Perhaps because cars weren't meant to fly at all," Minerva said, brandishing her voice like a weapon.

"No, uh, I can see now that it wasn't a good idea." Arthur seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. "I really have to get back." He turned as if to leave, then stopped. "You'll let us know as soon as you hear anything?" he asked one more time, both his tone and his eyes pleading with them.

"We will," Albus assured him. "In my experience, Arthur, these things have a way of working themselves out." The good thing about being expected to say something profound was that people also tended to believe him.

Breathing a little easier, Arthur thanked them. He walked further down the path towards Hogsmeade before he twisted and Disapparated.

"Enchanting a car to fly when he works in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office," Minerva muttered under her breath. "Why do men always insist on doing such harebrained, foolish things?"

Albus arched a brow. "I beg your pardon?"

"I haven't heard of any girls who took a flying car for a joyride, have you?" She said with a shrug before she stalked back up to the castle. Albus followed at a safe distance.

Her exasperation didn't stop Minerva from worrying. "Do you think Fawkes could try to find them?" she asked when they rode the stairs up to the headmaster's office.

"Feel free to ask him," Albus offered.

Minerva snorted. The sound morphed into a lament when she walked over to Fawkes' perch in the corner and picked up two of his tail feathers that must have fallen out. "Can phoenixes get sick? This seems too early for him to burn again."

"It's certainly possible." Albus joined her, resting one hand on the small of her back while stroking Fawkes' head with the other. The phoenix blinked dolefully up at them. "But burning days can be as far apart as they can be close together. It's impossible to predict them."

"Yes, that I remember."

Albus smiled fondly at them both. "He probably just wants to stay in bed with you again all day."

"It wasn't all day," Minerva protested. "Only a couple of hours until you got back."

"You can't fault a man for trying – since, apparently, we love to do foolish things." He lowered his head to press a kiss to the soft spot below her ear.

She pointedly ignored him. "Well, if Fawkes isn't feeling well one way or another, he's definitely staying here. Potter and Weasley got themselves into this mess, they'll have to get themselves out, too."

That was easier said than done. The more time passed without a flying car showing up anywhere in the sky, the more nervous Minerva got. She kept running around the castle, looking to fix things that didn't need fixing. The situation only deteriorated further when the Evening Prophet arrived and it became clear that the car had in fact been spotted by several Muggles. Severus on the other hand was delighted at the news. He volunteered to keep a lookout for the two boys even when the Hogwarts Express had made it into Hogsmeade and the start-of-term feast was about to begin. He did it for all the wrong reasons, but the result remained the same.

It allowed Albus and Minerva to attend the feast. The Sorting had just ended and Minerva had returned to her seat when Severus entered the Great Hall. He looked positively giddy, which could only mean one thing.

"Potter and Weasley have arrived. They crashed the car directly into the Whomping Willow," he informed them quietly.

Minerva gasped. "Is anyone hurt?"

"The Willow suffered severe..."

"Not the bloody tree, Severus!" Minerva snapped. "The boys!"

"They escaped unscathed yet again." Severus smirked. "I dare say nothing could penetrate skulls as thick as theirs."

Minerva breathed in deeply, but she didn't seem inclined to disagree.

"I'd be most happy to deal with them, but unfortunately, their fate is not in my hands," Severus prompted them to take action.

"I want to say a few words to the students. I'll be there shortly," Albus told Minerva, who nodded and stormed off with Severus.

Albus took his time. First, giving his start-of-term announcements, then walking to Severus' office and finally listening to Harry's explanations. By now, both he and Mr Weasley had realised that taking the car had not been one of their better ideas. They had also begun to understand that they weren't the only ones in trouble. Harry tried very hard to omit Arthur Weasley's fault in all of this. It was rather too late for that now, but it was a thoughtful gesture nevertheless.

Albus said what he felt he needed to say to them and left the rest for Minerva to decide. Severus was less than pleased with that development.

"You must be starving," Albus cut him off before he could try again to make a case for expelling Harry. "You better go ahead before the feast is over. And save me a piece of that custard tart, if you'd be so kind."

Grudgingly, Severus returned to the Great Hall while Albus remained in the Entrance Hall. He gazed at the hour-glasses, lost in thought. He couldn't remember the last time a Hogwarts house had been in negative figures this early in the year.

"What are you doing?" Minerva's voice pulled him out of his reverie. She had just come up the stairs from the dungeons.

"Wondering what you've been doing," Albus replied, nodding towards the Gryffindor hour-glass, which remained unchanged. No points earned yet, but no points lost either.

Minerva had a sheepish look on her face. "Potter pointed out to me that the school year hasn't officially started yet. Technically, they weren't under my supervision when they stole that car, so I can't take any points from Gryffindor because of it."

"I see." Albus smiled to himself.

"Any thoughts on who or what sealed the barrier so Potter and Weasley couldn't get through?" Minerva quickly changed the subject.

"Too many, as per usual."

"Anything you'd like to share?" Minerva pressed impatiently. "I can't even begin to imagine what would have been powerful enough to do that, even if Dark Magic was involved."

Albus shook his head. "I don't believe that this was an act of Dark Magic. What was there to be gained by sealing the barrier just long enough for Harry and Mr Weasley not to get through if the intention was not to attack them once they were cut off? If the two of them had reacted in a, let's say, more reasonable manner and had alerted one of us to their predicament, there would have been no harm done whatsoever."

"Then what was it? A prank? Who would be both powerful and immature enough to do such a thing?"

He didn't answer because he had no answer. He was thinking about that Hover Charm again. There seemed to be one misfortune after another in Harry's immediate vicinity this year. Albus simply hadn't worked out yet how they might be connected. Perhaps he should have asked Harry about the incident during the summer holidays. But the boy had already been afraid that he might get expelled for his actions today. It would have been cruel to add even more pressure to the situation.

The solution would surely present itself in due course.

Molly Weasley's magically amplified and awfully angry voice drowned out every other sound in the Great Hall. Minerva's teacup almost slipped from her fingers in surprise. She hadn't heard a Howler at breakfast in a while. Most students ran off with them until they exploded in the Entrance Hall. Apparently, Ronald Weasley hadn't been fast enough. Or he had made the smart decision, for once, and hadn't even tried to get out of it.

Generally, Minerva wasn't in favour of students receiving Howlers. She found them to be distasteful and a terrible distraction. There was no need to share a student's misdeeds with the entire school. But this time she was willing to make an exception.

Once the noise had subsided, it was Lockhart who spoke up. Minerva would have preferred more of Molly's yelling. "Oh dear, I was afraid something like this might happen once it became public knowledge that I'll be teaching at Hogwarts."

"You were afraid that parents would send Howlers in protest?" Pomona asked. She was in a bad mood because Lockhart had insisted on accompanying her after breakfast when she would go look after the Whomping Willow. Or, more accurately, Lockhart had insisted on showing Pomona how to look after a Whomping Willow because, naturally, he was an expert on exotic plants, too.

"Oh no, I was referring to the flying car," Lockhart explained cheerfully. "Obviously, Potter felt the need to impress me because he wants to be just as famous as I am."

Minerva hadn't meant to get involved, but she couldn't stop herself from asking, "You think Potter isn't famous enough already?"

"Have people heard of him? Sure. Has he done anything that comes close to winning Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award five times in a row? I think not."

Flabbergasted, Minerva stared at Lockhart and then at Albus, but he steadfastly refused to meet her eyes and the look of bitter reproach she was trying to give him. Before she could say something she would regret, Minerva fled the table and started handing out timetables.

So far the school year wasn't off to a particularly good start and things didn't improve until lunch. Minerva spent nearly all of first period searching for a couple of first-years, who had got completely turned around because Peeves had terrorised them on their way to class, and in her first lesson with the Gryffindor second-years Ronald Weasley's broken wand emitted a thick grey smoke which smelled of rotten eggs. Usually, Minerva would have written to the parents that their son needed a new wand. Or, knowing that they couldn't afford one right now, she might have offered them financial aid. But in this case she felt that Weasley had made his bed and now he must lie in it. Unfortunately, the rest of the class and the beetles he kept squashing accidentally had to suffer right along with him.

Glad that she didn't have any classes after lunch today, Minerva decided to go for a walk to get that god-awful smell from Weasley's wand out of her nose. She was just on her way back to the castle when she heard the sound of windows breaking. She looked up in time to see something small, blue and fast shoot out of those broken windows and she had to take a step back to avoid being hit in the head by a wand that sailed out of those same windows. Minerva bent down to pick it up. It was an expensive-looking cherry wand. She turned towards the castle, quickly figuring out to which classroom the windows belonged to. Then she let out a moan and hurried to get back inside.

The bell rang and the halls filled with students, slowing Minerva down significantly. When she finally reached the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, it looked as though someone had set another troll loose in there. In fact, it was just the opposite. What she had seen breaking the windows had been tiny, blue pixies. A couple of them were still in the room, taking it apart piece by piece, while Potter, Weasley and Granger tried to stop them. They were doing pretty well or at least Miss Granger was and Minerva helped her to immobilise the remaining creatures.

"Where is Professor Lockhart?" she demanded once the pixies were back in their cage.

"Made a run for it," Weasley replied bluntly.

"He did not!" Miss Granger defended him for whatever reason. "He's just…"

"… gone looking for his wand?" Potter suggested. "I think the pixies stole it."

"Pretty hard to fight the Dark Arts without one, I reckon," Weasley added. "Not that he would know how to fight anything."

"Thank you, Mr Weasley," Minerva said sharply. "You may go now."

Weasley and Potter readily packed up their things. Miss Granger hesitated. "Do you need help cleaning up, Professor?"

Minerva managed a small smile. "Thank you, Miss Granger. That won't be necessary. Please return to your common room."

She nodded and walked out of the room, leaving Minerva to deal with this mess. Technically, this wasn't any more her responsibility than it was Miss Granger's. But clearly, Lockhart couldn't be trusted to do this, certainly not without his wand that was still in Minerva's pocket.

After she had repaired the windows and reattached the candelabra, Minerva picked up a piece of parchment that caught her attention because Lockhart had marked it with red ink. Perhaps he had done some teaching after all before the lesson had dissolved into chaos. Minerva scanned the questions on the piece of parchment and quickly regretted it. She assumed this was Lockhart's idea of setting a test, but it was worse, so much worse than she could have ever imagined.

She pocketed it and decided not to wait for Lockhart to return to his classroom. Instead, she made her way down into the dungeons where she knocked on Severus' office door.

"Do you have a minute?" she asked, even though it looked as though he had done nothing but sit in a chair and stare into the gloominess of his cold office.

"What is it now?" he asked in return, charming as ever. "I'm busy."

"I'll get right to the point then," Minerva replied coolly. "Is it fair to say that you'd consider yourself capable of passing any second-year level Defence Against the Dark Arts test?"

Severus glared at her. "That doesn't sound as though you're getting to the point at all."

"Fine, just have a look at this then." Minerva handed him Lockhart's test.

And then she watched as Severus studied the questions, ranging from Lockhart's favourite colour to his ideal birthday gift. On most days the Potions master was incredibly difficult for her to read. Right now his thoughts were plain as day. He couldn't believe that Albus had chosen this over letting him teach the subject.

"Good, you're angry. Then you'll consider helping me," Minerva said.

"I don't suppose you want my expertise on which undetectable poison to add to Lockhart's morning pumpkin juice," Severus snarled.

Minerva suppressed a laugh. "Surprisingly enough, killing teachers who work at this school is not a viable solution. But I would like your help so our O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students won't collectively fail their Defence Against the Dark Arts exams."

Severus gave her a calculating look. "I'm listening."

"We can't replace Lockhart and he can't hear a word about any of this. All I can think of is to help the students form study groups, which could be supervised by a different teacher."

"Supervised?"

"Yes, Severus, supervised. But if the supervising teacher were to give the students a couple of pointers while he or she is supervising, that wouldn't hurt anyone, now would it?"

There was the tiniest of grins on Severus' face, which for once wasn't mocking her. It was swiftly replaced by scepticism. "And you want me to do this 'supervising'?"

"Not exclusively. I know how busy you are," Minerva teased, but there was no bite to it. "I shall speak to Filius and I will try to find some time myself, but yes, I thought your 'expertise' might be of more use to the students this way."

After a short pause Severus asked, "Have you talked to the headmaster about this?"

She probably should have, but she was too annoyed to care at the moment. "He wants the students to succeed as much as we do. I don't see why he would disapprove. But let me worry about that."

Severus snorted. "Gladly."

"Then you'll do it?"

"I can round up the fifth- and seventh-year Slytherin students with the best marks in Defence Against the Dark Arts to lead these study groups," he said, rising from this chair. "I might be able to think of a couple of Ravenclaws. But I'll have to leave the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors to you."

"Naturally," was all Minerva replied, surprised by his sudden initiative.

"Once the students have been informed, might I suggest meeting in the dungeons?" Severus continued. "I very much doubt Lockhart will have any reason to come down here."

Truthfully, Minerva didn't like coming here either. She had been thinking about the Great Hall, where she had used to organise her study groups as a student. Sadly, Severus was right. It was way too public. Lockhart would be there in a heartbeat and ruin the whole thing. Severus was clearly more skilled at sneaking around than her. The thought made her shudder. But as the Muggle saying went: in for a penny...

"That sounds reasonable," she said while they left the Potions master's office together. "I'll speak to the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff prefects then. We can discuss everything else, well, not over dinner obviously. Better make it after dinner. Oh, and Severus? Thank you."

He gave her a nod, which was as far as niceties went between the two of them. Then he disappeared in the dark, heading in the direction of the Slytherin common room.

Minerva returned to the Entrance Hall, enjoying the light up here for a moment, until Lockhart walked past her. "Just out for a little stroll," he told her, even though she hadn't asked. He probably hoped to hide what he was actually about to do, namely to look for his wand.

"I thought you didn't like the weather up here," she reminded him.

"Well, yes, but if I wasn't able to adapt to adverse circumstances, where would we be?"

Minerva was tempted to let him leave and spend the rest of the day and night searching for a wand that was safely in her pocket. But she couldn't bring herself to be that cruel. Apparently, Albus had been right when he had professed his faith in her honourable heart. "I don't want to stop you from enjoying the countryside, Gilderoy, but I have something that belongs to you."

He took the wand from her and tried to laugh the whole thing off. "How marvellous! But you needn't have bothered. I was just about to get it myself. You see, I allowed the pixies to steal it so I could show the students what to do when they don't have their wands ready."

"Is that so? And how exactly did you manage to show them that without actually being in the classroom with them? You weren't there when I arrived and you had left three students behind, too!"

"Not to worry, Minerva. By that time class was nearly over and I had already subdued the pixies. I assure you, they were quite harmless at that point, and I thought I'd give Potter a chance to prove himself," Lockhart lied through his perfect, white teeth without even breaking a sweat.

Arguing with him was as productive as teaching a mountain troll to dance the ballet. "Be that as it may. You cannot leave the students alone, especially not underage students, when there's any kind of living creature in the room with them. And as for the pixies... there were a couple of incidents with magical creatures last year. Teachers are now required to inform either the headmaster or myself if they wish to bring anything into the castle. I must have forgotten to mention that when I welcomed you to Hogwarts the other day."

"That's quite all right. You're getting up in years, aren't you? It's perfectly natural to forget things, or so I hear. Anyway, I think the students had enough of an adventure in class today. There'll be no need for further study of living creatures." Lockhart winked at her and walked away.

Minerva was left behind wishing she had kept his wand – or perhaps accepted Severus' offer to poison him.