JENNIE

I absently tap my fingers against the screen as I stare at the text message on my phone. Are you interested in going out tonight? I'm debating how to answer that. Yes? No? Yes? No? Ugh. I type out some long-winded excuse before erasing it with a groan, typing some more utter crap before erasing that also. I type out 'no,' straight to the point, but ugh, I feel guilty, so I instead type 'sure' and press send like an idiot.

The second that it says 'Delivered' beneath the text bubble, I want to slap myself. So many regrets already.

"Ugh, what is wrong with you?" I ask myself, making a face as I start to type an excuse to get me out of it.

A throat clears behind me. "Wouldn't know where to start."

That voice, it catches me off guard, so close I can feel her warm breath fanning across my skin. A chill shoots through me, my hands shaking as I spin around, losing grip of my phone. It drops, landing facedown on the hard epoxy tile of the aisle. I cringe when it hits, but I don't reach for it because of her.

Lalisa.

She's right there, standing here in the grocery store, a foot of space between us, so close I have to look up to meet her eyes. My heart stalls a beat, being a traitorous nitwit, before it hammers in my chest, aggressively battering my ribcage like my insides are declaring war on my sanity.

Lalisa picks up my phone as it makes a noise. Before I can stop her, she glances at the screen and freezes. Something flashes in her eyes. She looks horrified. Oh god.

"It's broken, isn't it?"

She blinks at me. "Huh?"

"My phone."

"Oh, uh... no." Shaking it off, she hands the phone to me, screen still intact. "Whoever Kai is wants a time."

What time should I pick you up?

The text is prominently displayed. My stomach bottoms out. My hands are still shaking, and I shove the phone in my back pocket without answering that question.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. "I thought you left town."

"I did," she says. "I told you I'd be back, didn't I?"

"Yes, but I didn't know you meant that quick. I wouldn't have noticed you left. Why'd you even tell me?"

"Figured you should know."

"Why?"

She shrugs, like maybe she doesn't understand it, either. Before either of us can make sense of things, a feminine voice rings out in the aisle beside us, calling my name. Ryujin. Panic flows through me. I don't give it much thought, acting in the moment, a knee-jerk reaction to her approach.

I grab ahold of her, gripping tight to her arm and take off in a hurry. She doesn't resist, doesn't put up a fight as I drag her down the aisle, away from the sound of her voice, and shove her into a small back stockroom. I dart inside and shut the door, casting us in near total darkness. I can't see Lalisa anymore, but I can feel her, right behind me, pressing up against me, her hand coming to rest on my hip. Her touch heightens my panic. I shove away from her, putting space between us.

"Why are you here?" I ask, keeping my voice low. "You can't be here."

"I, uh…"

"Jennie?" Ryujin calls out from the other side of the door. "Are you back here?"

"Don't talk," I hiss at Lalisa. "Don't even breathe."

I open the door again and slip out, leaving it cracked behind me as I come face-to-face with Ryujin. Her brow furrows as she looks into the pitch-black room behind me. "What are you doing?"

"Inventory."

"In the dark?"

"Yeah, I, uh… yep." I glance behind me before turning back to her. "Did you need something?"

"Loren told me to find you." Her face twists into a fake pout. Oh god. "I asked for the Saturday off in two weeks, and he said the only way I can have it is if I find someone to cover."

"And you want me to do it?"

"Please?" She pokes her bottom lip out. "I wouldn't ask, but it's important!"

"Okay."

"Breeze-Con is that weekend, and they're having this big thing for the tenth anniversary of Ghosted."

"Okay."

"And I know it probably sounds silly to you but—"

"I said okay. Go. Have fun."

"You mean it?"

"Wouldn't say it if I didn't."

She lets out a squeal and hugs me. "Thank you, Jennie! Oh my god, you're the best!"

"You're welcome," I say, prying her off. "I'm gonna get back to, you know, stuff."

I nod toward the stockroom.

Her eyes narrow. "What are you really doing?"

"Bye, Ryujin."

I slip back in the room, slamming the door and leaning up against it.

Humor tinges every syllable of Lalisa's words as she says, "She sounds like you back in high school. How scary could she be?"

Rolling my eyes, I feel along the wall beside me, flicking up the light switch. It doesn't make it very bright, but I can see her propped up against a crate, a smirk on her lips.

"She writes fanfic," I tell her. "The self-insert kind."

Her smile only grows.

"I'm not taking about Breezeo. Oh no, I'm talking Lisa Manoban fanfic. Erotica."

The first flicker of concern shows on her eyes, but she still smiles. "So did you."

I roll my eyes. "That's completely different."

"Still, she's just a girl with fantasies," she says. "Nothing to hide from."

"True, but do you really think she'll keep it to herself? Come on, her idol shows up where she works? The only way it could ever be more fic-come-true is if we were working in a coffee shop here. Before you even made it out the door, it would be all over social media. But I mean, unless that's what you want…"

She shakes her head.

Didn't think so.

It grows quiet for a moment before she says, "Kale."

"Kale?"

"That's why I'm here. I needed to grab kale."

"Oh."

That's all I say.

It grows quiet again.

Awkward.

There are no windows in here, making the room feel impossibly small. Just her and I, confined together after all this time, breathing the same air, the room filled to the brim with strained silence. So much to say, but no words strong enough to clear the air between us.

"I wish shit wasn't so weird," she says eventually. "I wish you weren't so distant."

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when people break up."

"I know, I just wish there was a way we could…"

"Could what?"

She doesn't answer right away, looking away from me like she's struggling to find a way to explain. Forget? Move on? Start over?

"Be," she says. "I wish we could just be."

For such a talented artist, she wasn't always good at expressing herself with me, but then again, I wasn't much better. Maybe that was why we worked so well. She spoke through the characters she played, and I… well, I used to create. The two of us always seemed to be on the same page until the day we just weren't anymore, and there was no way to get back to that place once we struggled so much to communicate.

But for a time, we just… were.

It's the most comforting feeling in the world.

When you lose it, though, it's the most confusing. It's like losing a piece of your soul.

"I'm sorry," she says, glancing at me again.

"How many times are you going to apologize?"

"As many as it takes until you believe me."

"I do," I say. "I believe you."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do."

She stares at me when I say that. She doesn't respond, but I can tell she's holding back some reaction.

"Anyway, we should get you out of here before you get spotted," I say, pushing away from the door. "I can grab your kale for you."

I turn to leave but she stops me, grabbing my arm as she stands up from the crate. I tense, letting out a shuddering exhale when she pulls me to her. It's just a brief moment as she holds me there, a breath away, so close that if I stood on my tiptoes, I could taste her lips if I wanted to.

I do.

Or at least some part of me, deep down, does, a stirring in my gut that almost spurs me on. The moment she touches me, it's like I'm drunk. But the moment is over just like that when she says, "I also need milk."

Her voice, those words—they sober me up. "Milk."

"Yes," she says, letting go of my arm. "If you don't mind."

"Uh, sure, no problem."

I walk out, and she follows, diverting halfway through the store to head for the exit while I grab her stuff. I don't hear any frantic screams, so I assume she made it out.

Ryujin lingers at her register, not paying attention to any of her surroundings, flipping through the latest edition of Hollywood Chronicles.

"Anything interesting?" I ask, setting the kale and the milk on the conveyer belt.

Ryujin sighs, tossing the tabloid aside. "Not really. I swear it's like Lisa Manoban vanished into thin air. Nobody has seen her anywhere."

My eyes flicker to the exit, catching a faint glimpse of her lurking outside. "I'm sure she's… around."

"I hope so," she says. "Ugh, I hope she's not like, dead in a ditch somewhere. That would suck."

"Yeah, it would," I agree as she rings the stuff up.

After I pay for it, she picks the tabloid back up and continues reading. I make my way outside once she's distracted, carrying the bag to where Lalisa lingers.

"Here," I say, shoving it at her. "Your milk and your kale so you can go feed ducks or whatever you're doing with it."

She lets out a light laugh. "It's for me. Doctor's orders."

"That's horrible."

"Ah, could be worse."

"If you say so," I mumble, glancing at my watch. "I should get back to work."

I go to head back to the store when she calls out to me. "J?"

I glance at her, words on the tip of my tongue, but I don't get a single syllable out. The look on her face stuns me into silence, the vulnerability, like she's splitting herself open right now.

"Thank you," she says quietly.

I nod, hesitating before saying, "If you change your mind about eating the kale, I'm sure Maddie would be happy to help you get rid of it."

She smiles. It's a genuine smile, unconscious, like happiness is radiating from inside of her at that suggestion. I don't say anything else, nor do I wait for her response. Being around her is proving dangerous for my feelings. Dangerous to my sanity.

I head back into the store, strolling past Ryujin at her register. She sets the tabloid down to look at me. "Didn't you just leave?"

"I stepped outside," I say. "I still have another hour until my shift is over."

"What did you do with your stuff?"

"Put it in my car."

"Even the milk?"

"Uh… yeah."

"But won't it go bad in this heat?"

"Probably."

She stares at me, mumbling, "I swear, you're so weird sometimes."

"I should cancel."

"You should do no such thing." Jisoo's voice is pointed, matter-of-fact, don't you freaking argue with me when she says that. "What you should do is take the guy for a ride, if you know what I'm saying."

"Jisoo…"

"I'm serious," she says. "Just a quick spin around the block to see how he runs, make that engine purr for a little while."

"Since when are you pro-Kai?"

"I'm not." She makes a face of disgust. "I'm pro-orgasm, and I know it's been a long while since you've had one."

I laugh… until a little voice chimes in, asking, "What's that?"

Maddie sits at the kitchen table across from Jisoo, swinging her legs as she draws her heart out on a piece of paper.

"What's what?" I ask, leaning back against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over my chest.

"What Aunt Chu said," Maddie says. "What's the orga, uh…?"

"Organism," I blurt out, realizing she's about to ask us what an orgasm is.

"Organism," she says. "What's that?"

"It's from science," Jisoo says. "It's what they call a living thing, you know, anything that's alive."

"You don't got one of those?" Maddie asks, looking up from her drawing, eyebrows raised. "Not for a long time?"

"Well, I have you," I say, pausing beside her chair as I ruffle her hair. "You're as alive as it gets. Don't need anything else... not even those crazy organisms Jisoo's all about."

Maddie seems pretty pleased with that answer as she goes back to drawing, while Jisoo shoots me a look, half-apologetic, half-pathetic. I roll my eyes, flipping her off out of Maddie's line of sight. "I guess I ought to get dressed."

"Something sexy!" Jisoo shouts at me.

I go with something simple instead—skinny jeans, black flats, black shirt. I brush my hair, leaving the dark locks hanging loose, and put on a dash of makeup. Done. Jisoo scrunches up her nose at me, but she keeps her opinion to herself.

"Mommy, can you do my stars?" Maddie asks, shoving her paper and pencil at me.

"Sure thing," I say. I'm not sure what it is she's making, but I can tell the skyline easily. I've showed her the easy way to draw stars a few times—mountain, diagonal, across, connect—but she always asks me to do them for her, since it's pretty much the only thing I can draw.

A knock echoes from the front door of the apartment. Jisoo sighs as she shoves her chair back to stand, whispering as she passes me, "Sounds like your organism is here."

"I'll be right there," I mumble, finishing up the stars before handing the pencil back to Maddie. "I have to go, sweetheart."

"Where?"

"Out with my friend."

"Can I come this time?"

"Not tonight," I tell her, frowning when I see the disappointment in her eyes. "Someday, though."

"Is it your friend that didn't see you were pretty last time?"

"Uh, yeah, same one."

She makes a face.

I almost laugh.

But then I hear another knock on the door, Jisoo'd voice ringing out over the sound of it as she says, "Jesus, hold your damn ho—oh my fucking god. No."

I tense at the sudden change in her tone, from flippant to shocked within half a word.

"No… no… no," she chants before saying, "Get the fuck out of here."

I look out of the kitchen, toward the front door, heart wildly racing. Lalisa stands on the small stoop in front of my apartment, a mere few feet in front of her sister.

"Jisoo," she says, nodding to her in greeting.

The moment she says her name, the shock wears away, replaced by anger as her eyes narrow.

"No," Jisoo says, matter-of-fact, slamming the door right in her face.

Maddie jumps at the sound of the bang.

"Jisoo," I groan. "Please."

I don't need a scene, not one I'll have to try to explain. Jisoo yanks the door back open. Lalisa still stands there, having not moved at all.

Maddie gasps, noticing her, and jumps down from her chair at the table, snatching up her drawing as she runs for the door. "Lalisa!"

"Hey," Lalisa says, avoiding looking at her sister, instead smiling at Maddie.

"You're back!" Maddie shoves her paper at Lalisa. "I was making you a picture!"

"Wow," Lalisa says, looking at it. "It's amazing."

"It's not done," Maddie says, snatching it back from Lalisa, "but all I gotta do is the people now, because Mommy drawed the stars!"

"Well, they're some great stars," Lalisa says, meeting my gaze. "I'm sure it'll be perfect."

"You can have it when it's done," Maddie tells her. "Are you gonna stay? You can play with me and Aunt Chu!"

Jisoo makes a noise.

"Not tonight," she says. "I just came by to talk to your mom for a minute."

Maddie frowns, mumbling, "okay," before she shuffles away.

Lalisa closes her eyes, letting out a deep sigh. I can tell she wants to change her mind.

"Maybe tomorrow," I chime in, stepping in Maddie's path so she'll stop walking. Grasping her chin, I tilt her head up, making her look at me. "It's kind of late to be playing tonight, anyway."

"Tomorrow," Lalisa agrees. "I'll be here."

Her eyes light up, disappointment fading.

"See you tomorrow!" Maddie yells back at her before wrapping her arms around me. "Love you, Mommy."

"Love you, too," I say, "more than banana Popsicles and Hawaiian pizza."

"More than the dates with your friend?"

"Oh, pfft, of course." I playfully squeeze her cheeks. "More than dates with anybody."

Leaning down, I give her a quick kiss before she runs off to her bedroom. The second she's out of the room, the second she's out of earshot, Jisoo's voice cuts in, a low growl as she says, "You better bring your ass back here tomorrow, little sister, because if you lied to her right in front of me, I swear to God…"

"I said I'll be here," Lalisa says, turning to look at Jisoo, her expression hard. "I'm not going to lie to her."

"Oh! Is that right?"

"Yes," she says.

"Well, excuse me!" She throws her hands up. "Stupid me, should've known… I mean, you've only lied to every-fucking-body else. Forgot you were dada of the year."

"Now's not the time for this," I grumble, stalking over and coming between them. "Sort this out when there aren't little ears nearby."

I push Lalisa away from the apartment as I step outside, shutting the front door behind me to give us some privacy. Otherwise, Jisoo might be inclined to add her commentary, like my life is an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

"Sorry about this," she says, motioning toward the apartment. "I forgot, well, that you had plans."

"It's fine," I say. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

"I just… I was thinking."

She's hesitating. Stalling. I can tell she's nervous from the way she averts her gaze. "About?"

"About something that girl said at your work."

My brow furrows, and it takes a moment before I figure out who she means. "Ryujin?"

"Is that her name?" She stares off into space, mumbling, "Ryujin."

"You met her once," I tell her. "She came to the set. Said she saw you outside of a bar."

She lets out a light laugh. "Ah, right. Ryujin. She asked me about that time I got arrested."

She did. She told me about it. And all I can think is how incredibly happy she'd be to know she remembered Ryujin.

"Anyway," she says, that nervousness creeping back in. "Ryujin mentioned wanting time off so she could go to that thing."

"The convention?"

"Yeah, you know, for the Breezeo shit, and I was thinking, and just wondering…"

"Wondering what?"

"If maybe I could take Madison?"

It takes a moment for those words to sink in, for what she's asking me to register. I blink at her, at a loss for words, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to think. A voice in the back of my mind is screaming out, on defense, terrified by that, but my heart—my stupid, stupid heart—is soaring at her wanting to do that with Maddie.

"I, uh…" I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "Wow."

"I know I'm asking for a lot," she says. "I'm asking for some trust, just a little bit, and I don't blame you if you won't give it to me, but I just… I'm asking. Can I take her?"

I open my mouth, still having no idea what to say, when movement catches my eye seconds before a voice cuts in. "Am I interrupting?"

Eight-thirty on the dot, I'm guessing. Kai. I don't turn, don't look at him right away, but Lalisa does. Her back straightens, shoulders squaring, every inch of her rigid. I watch as her face clouds with confusion, hoping there's no recognition, but it's instant.

Confusion gives way to a raw sort of anger, the kind that has simmered for ages. She glares at Kai like she wants to tear his heart out, rip it from his chest and shove it down his throat.

Lalisa's voice is as scathing as her gaze when she says, "Jongin."

"Manoban," Kai says, unfazed.

"What the hell are you doing? Why are you here?"

Kai points at me. "Picking her up."

I see it, as Lalisa connects the dots, realizing he's the plan I have tonight. Kai Jongin. It's been a long time since I've heard somebody call him by his last name alone.

Lalisa turns to me, her expression hard as she tries to hold back her anger, but she's struggling.

"Him?" Lalisa asks. "This is who you're dating? This is the guy you're going out with?"

I start to answer, but she doesn't let me.

"Unbelievable." Lalisa shakes her head. "How could you?"

Those words send my defenses up. "Excuse me?"

"He's a part of your life? Madison's life? Jesus Christ, you let him around her? What the hell are you thinking?"

"Don't," I say, holding my hands up to stop her before she says anything else. "Don't even go there right now."

"You should listen to the lady," Kai chimes in, "and mind your business."

"This is my fucking business," Lalisa says, taking a step toward Kai, everything about her suddenly full of aggression. "We're talking about my daughter here. Mine. And I don't know what kind of shit you pulled to force your way into their lives, but you can't have her mother, either. You can't have either one of them. You can't steal my fucking life!"

"Stop it," I growl, stepping between them.

Lalisa shakes her head, furious, left hand clenched into a fist. I don't think she's going to swing, since her right hand is in a cast, but I can tell she wants to.

And it doesn't help matters a bit when Kai laughs. Amusement coats his voice when he says, "Can't steal what was up for grabs."

That sets Lalisa off. She comes at Kai, but I'm in the way. I shove her, hard, making her back up. "Just… leave, Lalisa. Leave!"

She looks at me, her expression hard as she says, "I can't believe you."

Turning, she walks away, leaving me standing here, fuming.

Unbelievable.

She can't believe me? Me? After everything she's done? She wants to act as if I'm the one in the wrong?

"I see she showed her face again," Kai says. "How long has she been here?"

"Uh, two weeks, maybe," I mumble, watching as Lalisa disappears into the night.

"You haven't mentioned it."

"Didn't want to talk about it," I say. "Still don't."

"Fair enough." Kai grasps my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "How about we get out of here, forget this happened?"

"Sounds good," I mumble, giving him a smile, but I know that's a lost cause. Forgetting this is out of the question. I can feel my blood simmering. I want to follow that woman right into the darkness and give her a piece of my mind.