Auditions for Seishou's next play are upon the girls, and though Mahiru isn't auditioning she still has people to cheer for! Though maybe she's biased toward some a bit more than others...

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

Chapter 8. Trust

The following day is the day of auditions for the next play.

Mahiru is only a little sad that she won't be trying out this time, but it's a good feeling too, because it just goes to show how much she'd actually enjoyed the first time acting onstage together with everyone. And she can't wait to do it again and again.

But for now, she's content with her baton competition, because that's also something she wants to keep practicing for her own reasons.

Throughout the day, her friends are all excited about auditions after classes. And although Mahiru has a certain love and respect for each and every one of them, she admits she's rooting for Claudine to win the lead role.

She just worked so hard… And I really want to see her be the starring role this time!

Therefore when classes end for the day and everyone begins lining up outside the auditorium for auditions, Mahiru wishes all of them well. But she takes hold of Claudine's hands and squeezes with just a bit more vigor for her.

"Good luck, Kuro-chan!"

Claudine smiles and gives a sharp nod.

"Merci."

Mahiru heads off to continue working on her routine on her own, fleshing out a few parts she hasn't quite matched to the music yet. All the while she thinks about the others.

I hope everyone gets a part… but I really hope Kuro-chan gets the lead!

They won't know until tomorrow after classes when the results are posted, so she'll keep on hoping until then.

Since she's a little distracted today, Mahiru cuts her practice short and makes the walk back to the dorms a bit early. Gradually, the others return; first Junna, Nana, and Karen, then Kaoruko and Futaba, and finally Maya and Claudine. The first five are all chatting happily, while the final two are up to their usual banter.

"I do hope you posed a good challenge for me, Saijou Claudine."

"Just you wait and see tomorrow when the results are posted."

"Yes. I look forward to seeing my name as the lead."

"Keep dreaming, Tendo Maya."

Mahiru knows their rivalry is all in good fun, and rather a means of motivating each other more than anything else. In spite of how heated they could sometimes get, neither ever truly took offense. After all, every single one of them were rivals in this department, but they were friends just as much.

Mahiru welcomes everyone back, then offers to help Nana prepare some snacks using the vegetables her family had sent her a few days ago.

Everyone enjoys themselves and eats merrily, and they play a few games like usual. Overall, it's just a very fun evening, and by the time Mahiru has found herself in bed for the night the smile hasn't left her face.

The following day is bubbling with anticipation, to the point where even someone who isn't waiting for their own result like Mahiru can sense the atmosphere with ease.

Karen is bouncing off the walls of course, but most of Mahiru's friends are very good at keeping their cool. Although, she's spent enough time with Claudine to be able to tell she's secretly very excited beneath the calm demeanor.

I'm rooting for everyone, Mahiru calls out in her mind. But I'm rooting for you first, Kuro-chan!

Lunchtime comes and goes, and the afternoon classes drag just a little. They finish with dance and acting, which is unsurprisingly everyone's favorite, so it goes by much more quickly than the other classes had.

As Mahiru follows along with the group to their instructor's directions, she can feel for herself just how much she's improved since day one. Her posture feels so much taller, her breath so much stronger, and her movements so much more fluid. Of course people like Claudine and Maya still astound her, but she's stopped comparing herself to others quite so much.

They have things they can do, but I have things only I can do.

This more positive mindset, as well as many of the other improvements she's made to herself over the weeks, are all thanks to her friends.

But most of all, Claudine. If she hadn't reached out and offered to help Mahiru every now and then, Mahiru has no idea where she might be now. Perhaps she'd be a bit better off than where she'd been at the start, but she certainly never would have made this many improvements so quickly. It makes her happy to know she's striving toward becoming the better version of herself she always dreamed of, even if it's just by a tiny bit more each day.

They move into pairs, and she dances with Karen while occasionally stealing a glance at Claudine and Maya, who always have a small crowd observing them. Mahiru feels no envy, only admiration. Though her admiration of Maya is only one kind, and the admiration she feels toward Claudine stems from more than one place.

Before she knows it the final bell rings, and their instructor dismisses them. The girls hurry to get changed, and the locker room is alive with excited chatter.

"Oh boy, oh boy!" Karen bounces up and down as she wrestles her way into her blazer. "Here we go!"

"Karen-chan, you got the buttons wrong!"

"I did?"

"Hold still."

As Mahiru assists her roommate, the other girls are finishing up getting dressed as well.

"This time I'll be the lead~" Kaoruko purrs.

"You wish!" Futaba pokes her cheek. "It's me!"

"I don't think so!"

Beside them, Junna and Nana are a bit less teasing with one another.

"Good luck, Junna-chan! You wanted a supporting role this time, right?"

"Yeah. Just because I have some work to catch up on as Class Rep. I hope you get the lead you wanted, Nana."

"Thanks!"

And finally, Mahiru looks to Claudine and Maya, who are just adjusting their hair band and ribbon respectively.

"Don't be too disappointed when the lead goes to me," Claudine smirks.

"I was about to say the very same thing," Maya goads.

Everyone looks around then to see all the others are ready, so the eight of them grab their bags and hurry out together down the hall. Mahiru steals a small glance at Claudine, and luckily manages to catch her eye. Mahiru smiles at her, and Claudine smiles back.

Their group, as well as at least a dozen other girls, come to a stop outside of the auditorium bulletin board where the audition results have been posted. Already, Mahiru is hearing gasps and claps and a few sighs. She sends out one last silent prayer in Claudine's favor before getting close enough to read the list.

Her eyes find Claudine's name before anyone else's, and Mahiru's heart lifts.

Until she realizes it's the fourth name from the top.

Above her are Kaoruko, Nana, and as the starring role, Maya.

As everyone around her reads and comprehends the results, Mahiru's smile falls away.

All of her friends and classmates begin congratulating one another. Kaoruko boasts a bit to Futaba, who just brushes her off and catches her in a headlock. Even everyone's competitive comments are playful, but Mahiru can't bring herself to smile. While Karen is congratulating Nana, Mahiru tunes in to Claudine's and Maya's voices a little ways away.

"Great," Claudine sighs. "I guess I'll never live this one down. Congratulations, Tendo Maya."

"Why, thank you very much."

"But don't get used to it. This might just be the last leading role you ever land. From now on, get ready to be my supporting role."

"We shall just have to wait and see about that."

And the very least, Mahiru is a bit relieved that Claudine doesn't seem upset. Rather, Mahiru knows she probably is, but she's such a skilled actress she isn't showing it even a little bit. But Mahiru almost wishes she would.

Claudine looks up then, and their eyes meet. Mahiru doesn't know what to do. Congratulating her for a role Mahiru knows Claudine didn't want would seem like an insult, but not saying anything would just be rude. In the end, Mahiru weaves her way through the crowd and ends up taking Claudine's hand in hers.

"Kuro-chan… are you okay?"

It probably wasn't the best thing to say to her right now. She doesn't want Claudine to think she's pitying her, but Mahiru really is a little worried. Claudine blinks, a bit surprised by Mahiru's actions in the middle of a crowd.

"What are you talking about, Mahiru? I'm just fine. After all, not getting the lead is a much more common part of theater than actually getting it, right?"

"Maybe… But, Kuro-chan-"

"Mahiru." Claudine gives her hand a squeeze. "This is the role I earned. And I'm fine with that." She smiles, but there's something about it that Mahiru doesn't like.

But being that they're in the middle of everyone, she holds her tongue, which used to be something she never had to put effort into. Since she'd gotten to know Claudine and starting to care so much about her, Mahiru has found it increasingly easier to speak her mind. But this time she holds back.

"Okay. But if you want to talk-"

The rest of her words are cut off when Karen comes charging over to throw her arms around both of them.

"Mahiru-chan, Kuro-chan! Banana said she's gonna make us an extra-yummy dinner tonight to celebrate the audition results!"

"K-Karen-chan!" Mahiru tries to gently pry off her roommate while giving Claudine a bit of a desperate glance. But Claudine gives her a pacifying smile back, though she turns her face away before Mahiru can read her eyes properly.

"Tres bien! That sounds wonderful, Karen! I don't know about you, but all this excitement has worked up my appetite."

"Yeah! Me too!"

The others begin to call for them, and Mahiru has to let go of Claudine's hand.

Everyone talks all the way back to Starlight Hall, and Claudine seems perfectly fine going about her usual conversations. She behaves the same way around Maya as well, so Mahiru wants to trust her when she says she's all right.

As Nana starts on making dinner in the kitchen portion of the lounge, Mahiru offers to help while the other girls take turns showering and changing for the night. She and Nana rotate to take their turns in the showers as well, and then once the food is done everyone comes to sit together and enjoy.

And just like any other night, the eight of them enjoy themselves and have fun. Everyone is in high spirits laughing and talking, and a few times Mahiru almost forgets her concerns.

But throughout the evening she's still aware of something unsettled in the pit of her stomach.

They all stay up until curfew, at which point Junna makes sure everyone gets to help clean up and brush their teeth before returning to their dorms. Mahiru stays by Karen's side as they wave off Junna and Nana first, then Kaoruko and Futaba. Before Maya goes to her room, the remaining three congratulate her one more time.

"Congrats, Tendo-san!" Karen says with a thumbs-up.

"Yes!" Mahiru agrees. "Well done!"

And Claudine also offers Maya a smile with a good-natured challenge in it.

"Like I said, this may just be the last leading role you ever get," she says casually. "So do it well, Tendo Maya."

Maya dips her head.

"Please leave it to me. Thank you for providing me with nonstop motivation, Saijou-san. Without you, I don't believe I would have made it this far."

"As if." Claudine rolls her eyes and waves Maya off. Maya wishes them all goodnight and steps into her room.

Karen and Mahiru then wish Claudine farewell for the night.

"Good job, Kuro-chan!" Karen yawns. "See you tomorrow!"

"Oui. Bonne nuit, Karen, Mahiru."

When Claudine meets her gaze, it's with another reassuring smile. Mahiru lets out a soft breath.

"Goodnight, Kuro-chan…"

With this, Claudine turns away from them, and Mahiru turns to follow Karen back to their room. But every step of the way, she wants to turn back.

No… Kuro-chan said she's fine. I need to trust her. As her friend, I need to trust her…

But… Mahiru knows better than anyone how a person could very easily put up an act in order to not let the ones who care about them be worried. She's hidden her own feelings many times, lied to her friends and family and told them she was all right when she wasn't. They do it so as not to burden others, but end up hurting all alone instead.

Mahiru wants to trust Claudine… but if there's anything Claudine herself has taught Mahiru over these past few months, it was to trust her gut first. And right now, her gut is telling her to go to Claudine.

She trusts her friends. But thanks to those friends, she's learned to trust herself more, too.

So just as they reach their room, Mahiru stops. Karen, who's just opening the door, turns back curiously while rubbing her eyes.

"Mahiru-chan?"

"Sorry, Karen-chan. There's something I have to do."

"Huh?"

"I'll be back as soon as I'm done, so don't worry! You should go to bed, though."

"Huh? Are you sure? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah!"

Karen hesitates for a second, but ultimately decides to trust her.

"Okay! Good luck, Mahiru-chan!"

"Thanks!"

With this, Mahiru turns and hurries back down the hall the way she'd come. She halts outside of Claudine's room and waits for a moment, gathering up her courage. If she's wrong, she'll feel bad for having made a mountain out of a molehill. But she'd much rather risk being wrong than being right about this and doing nothing about it.

Finally, she's able to lift her hand and bring herself to knock a few times.

Claudine's answer comes softly.

"Yes?"

"Kuro-chan? It's me."

After a pause, the door opens and Claudine reappears.

"Mahiru? What's the matter?"

Mahiru's expression has become a little stern.

"I think I should be the one asking you that, Kuro-chan."

"Eh?"

"Please… can I come in?"

"Of course." Claudine steps back and Mahiru enters.

It's her first time properly being inside Claudine's room and it's just as she'd imagined it. It's very neat and tidy, from the desk to the closet. The bed has a cream-colored canopy draped over it, and on the pink wall above the headboard is a painting of the Paris skyline. Only the bedside lamp is on, filling the room in a soft late-night glow.

With the door now closed behind them, Claudine gives Mahiru a curious look.

"What's this about?"

Mahiru pouts just a little.

"Kuro-chan…" She reaches out to take both of her hands and squeezes lightly. And it's very quick, but Claudine flinches slightly, and Mahiru doesn't miss it. "I knew it. You're still sore all over, aren't you? Because you practiced so hard."

"Mahiru-"

"Kuro-chan," Mahiru says her name gently, but firmly. "Please sit down first."

Claudine looks as though she might want to protest, but she thinks better of it. With a sigh she takes a seat at the edge of her bed, and Mahiru sits beside her, still keeping both of her hands in hers.

"Kuro-chan…" she murmurs. "You're upset about the auditions, aren't you? It's okay. Anyone would be if they worked as hard as you did."

Claudine grimaces and looks down at her lap.

"I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. I said it myself that you're the observant one, Mahiru."

"So I'm right."

Claudine sighs.

"Yes… The truth is…it's incredibly frustrating. I lost to her again… to Tendo Maya…"

Part of Mahiru is both relieved and glad that she'd guessed correctly and decided to come talk to her privately, and even more thrilled that Claudine is opening up to her. But the other part is sad to know she's feeling so conflicted.

"It's frustrating," Mahiru says. "But… you still like her, right?"

Claudine looks back up at her and sighs again.

"Yes. How couldn't I? I could never say it to her face, but I admire Tendo Maya quite a bit. She's really incredible."

"Yeah," Mahiru says, heart aching. "She really is…"

"She may be conceited at times," Claudine mumbles. "But even Tendo Maya works hard in her own way. I could never resent her for earning the roles she deserves."

"But you earned them, too!" Mahiru defends. "Kuro-chan, you worked so hard! You're still sore even days after. Of course Tendo-san deserved the lead role… but I think you deserved it just as much!"

Claudine blinks.

"Mahiru…"

"S-Sorry!" Mahiru blushes a bit. "I didn't mean to raise my voice. A-And I don't mean to say I don't approve of Tendo-san's achievement. I like her, too. I like everyone! It's just…" Her hands quiver a little, and she tightens her hold on Claudine's. "I know you've been hurting over it… and I just didn't want you to feel sad all by yourself, Kuro-chan…"

Claudine flashes her a tiny smile.

"Mahiru… you're too sweet. I'm sorry I wasn't straightforward with you. I'm the one who's been telling you to be more open and honest, and yet all I did was hide my feelings."

"W-Well you didn't exactly have the time or place to tell me," Mahiru says. "We were always surrounded by other people."

"You don't have to make excuses for me," Claudine says. "But… I am really glad you came back tonight, Mahiru. Thank you."

"Of course." Though her feelings are still a bit jumbled, overall there's a soft warmth spreading across her chest now. She's glad she'd taken Claudine's advice and trusted her instincts enough to act on her own and speak up.

Placing Claudine's hands onto her lap, Mahiru opens her arms a little and pulls her into a hug. Claudine is a bit shocked, but hugs her back within seconds. Her grip is a little tighter than usual, which tells Mahiru's she's really needed this. She lets Claudine rest her chin on her shoulder and does the same for her.

"So… are you really okay, Kuro-chan?"

"I'll be fine," she murmurs. "I was just feeling sorry for myself. But the truth is I didn't really give my all at the auditions... Honestly, I was exhausted from training so much. It's because I didn't know when to stop and take a break. It's my own fault I didn't get the part. Tendo Maya doesn't deserve to be blamed for my shortcomings."

"Kuro-chan…" Mahiru stays close with her for a moment, breathing in her familiar scent and feeling the soft beat of her heart. She can feel her quivering faintly, and then there's a small gasp. Mahiru's heart twists when she realizes Claudine is crying. "Kuro-chan-!"

"It's not what you think," Claudine chuckles a bit. "Yes, I'm a bit frustrated. But more than anything, I'm glad you came to talk to me, Mahiru."

Mahiru is happy, but she also feels like she's about to cry now. She rubs her hands up and down Claudine's back a bit frantically.

"Ohhh, Kuro-chan-!"

"I mean it! I'm all right now!" Claudine eases back with a laugh, and now her eyes are shining. Mahiru is glad she's sitting down with her, because if she were standing she knows her knees would've given out from how pretty Claudine is.

"Kuro-chan…" Mahiru lets out a sigh. "You're really okay?"

"I am. I promise."

"Okay…"

Slowly, they ease apart from the embrace, but still stay close. Now, with this delicate barrier of emotion breached, both girls seem a bit more inclined to talk.

"Tendo Maya is frustrating," Claudine says. "She's my rival, of course. But she's also my partner, and I'd consider her to be one of my closest friends, just like the rest of you. I don't want to have such nasty feelings about her."

"I understand," Mahiru says. "To be honest… I had some awful feelings about Karen-chan, too…"

"About Karen?" Claudine is clearly shocked to hear this, but she doesn't want to pry. "Well, if you ever want to discuss it, I'll listen."

Mahiru nods.

"It isn't exactly how you feel about Tendo-san… Rather… I liked Karen-chan a lot. A-And I still do. But she has someone else she's even closer with, I think… someone she's known for a long time. A-And that's totally normal! I just… for some reason I get so jealous sometimes, and I really hate it… Karen-chan never did anything wrong, and neither did her friend…" Mahiru hangs her head, and the sting of tears floods in behind her eyes. But before they can start to fall, she feels a soft pressure as Claudine leans in against her side, supporting her.

"I imagine that's difficult," she murmurs. "Finding out someone you like has someone else they're even closer to than they are to you. I think it's only natural to feel a bit jealous. We can't all be involved with every part of someone else's life. That's just how things are."

Mahiru sniffles, but leans a bit more against her.

"Yeah…" These are the same ugly feelings she's been keeping to herself all this time. But being able to finally speak them out loud to someone truly makes it feel as though a weight is being lifted.

"You're right," Claudine says. "It isn't Karen's fault, or her friend's fault. And it isn't your fault either, Mahiru. It's fine to feel however you do." Mahiru feels a hand coming to rest over hers. She slumps a little, letting her head rest on Claudine's shoulder.

"And you know what?" Claudine continues. "Maybe Karen's other friend has a special place in Karen's heart. But so do you, Mahiru. You play your own part in everyone's story; a part that no one else has."

They're such simple words to such an obvious truth. But for whatever reason, those are the words that release the tears. She sobs, turning to bury her face into Claudine's nightgown and hugging her as she cries tears of liberation. All the while, Claudine pats her back gently. Mahiru hugs her tighter.

What am I doing…? I came here to check on her, and she's the one comforting me…

"Kuro-chan…" Mahiru whimpers into the curls of her hair. "Kuro-chan…"

"Easy now. Are you all right, Mahiru?"

"Yes!" Mahiru lifts her face and gives a wobbly smile. "I'm just… I'm so happy you're a part of my story, too."

Claudine reflects that smile.

"And I'm glad you're a part of mine, Mahiru."

Mahiru giggles, and the tears are only for joy now. Claudine sits with her and offers her tissues until she's calmed down and stopped crying. Mahiru can't help but hug her again.

"I'm sorry, Kuro-chan… you were the one who was hurting, and yet you're the one who ended up taking care of me..."

"Nonsense," Claudine murmurs, hugging her in return. "If you cried that much, clearly you were hurting too, Mahiru. And you did take care of me. You came back to check on me and listened to everything I had to say. Thank you for that."

Mahiru gives one last sniffle and eases away.

"Okay… but even so, I want to do something for you, Kuro-chan…"

"Like what?"

Mahiru swallows as she tries to think.

"W-Well, you were really exhausted from practicing so much, so I think you should rest now…"

Claudine considers it for a moment.

"Hm… Then why don't you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"E-Eh?"

"Well," Claudine says, clearing her throat. "At the beginning of the year, I did mention I have a room to myself. And I did say I'd tell you if I was ever feeling lonely, right? Well… tonight might just be one of those nights. But of course, you don't have to-"

"No! I'll stay!" Mahiru blurts. "I don't want you to feel lonely or sad, Kuro-chan! Ever!"

Claudine smiles.

"Merci, Mahiru..."

Mahiru must have been so caught up in all the other feelings shared between them tonight that she'd failed to realize until now just how tired Claudine was. Her eyes can barely stay open, and when Mahiru eases away from her she almost sways a little bit, so Mahiru has to quickly reach out to support her again.

"Aaaah, K-Kuro-chan! I'm so sorry I made you stay up this late! You need to lie down! Here…" Mahiru carefully guides her to the headboard and lets her lean there for a moment while Mahiru pulls down the blankets for her. She then helps support her as she lies down, because she can tell Claudine really is already fading on the spot.

Claudine lies on her side, and Mahiru helps to gather her hair to one shoulder so she won't crush it while she sleeps. Her big sister instincts kick in as she adjusts the pillow for her and tucks her in. Claudine can already barely keep her eyes open, and her voice is nothing but a rasp.

"Mahiru…"

"Kuro-chan," Mahiru says in a gently chiding manner. "You've worked hard enough, and you've done enough for me and for everyone else. So now it's time to rest, okay? I don't want you to get sick. So please." She turns off the bedside lamp to make the room more comfortable.

And in only seconds Claudine has lost to the weight in her eyelids. She lets out one final sigh, and then her breathing evens out.

Mahiru sits there for a few moments as she'd promised she would, wanting to make sure she's really asleep.

She's never seen any of them sleep other than Karen. And seeing Claudine of all people makes her heart leap. She's so pretty, even when she's exhausted and worn out and recovering from some difficult feelings.

Mahiru reaches out and gently rests her hand on Claudine's shoulder, running it up and down her side lightly. And then the tears come again.

"Kuro-chan… I'm sorry…"

She feels like she's taking advantage of her, because Mahiru would do the same thing for a friend or a sister who had fallen asleep in front of her...

But she's in love with Claudine. So touching her even innocently makes her feel like she's doing something bad.

Kuro-chan… I'm in love with you…

She can't say it. Not yet. She doesn't want to ruin what they have yet...

But she can't keep these feelings contained for much longer either.

So for now, she lets them out, just a little bit.

Mahiru leans forward, and a few strands of her hair spill over her shoulders as she does so. With feather-light touch, she presses her lips to the top of Claudine's head, kissing her hair.

And it isn't the kiss of a friend or a sister, but of someone much more disastrous.

She can't tell her. Not yet. Not yet.

Quietly, Mahiru eases away and gets to her feet. Claudine doesn't stir, but continues sleeping peacefully.

Mahiru never knew she could feel so wonderfully happy and so horribly wretched at the same time.

As soon as she's closed the door behind herself, she stumbles back to her own room and crawls into bed. She almost cries, but no tears come. All she can think about is Claudine's bright smile.

Mahiru whimpers as she finally fades into slumber.

Kuro-chan… I'm sorry… I love you…

A/N: I'm sure we've all been there, feeling so torn in terms of feelings. So relieved and happy about one thing but still stressed and worried about something else at the same time. And when they both involve the same person... Oh man. But I feel Mahiru is absolutely someone who would feel guilty about liking Claudine, as if she has no right to or isn't 'good enough' for her. She still has a lot to learn.

One of the things I made sure to mention at the beginning of this story and when they first met was that Claudine requested that Mahiru come visit her if she was ever feeling lonely due to having no roommate, so finally it comes to fruition!

Please review!