Chapter 45
She awoke to screams. Scrambling out of her bed, she rushed all the way down the hall and into Clarke's room. Not worried about her own safety, only hers. The blonde was thrashing in the bed, screaming in Trig, but nothing she was saying made sense. Niylah was close behind her. She was carrying a bowl of water with a cloth in one hand and a cup in the other. Octavia moved just enough to let the slightly taller woman into the room with Clarke. It was then that she realized that she had her sword in hand. She leaned it up against the wall of Clarke's bedroom and moved closer to the bed.
"Third one tonight," Niylah said.
Octavia just nodded. She didn't know how to help Clarke fight her way out of her nightmares. Usually she just tried to hold the blonde until she stilled, but the last time she'd done that she awoke with bruised ribs, a busted lip and black eye. She didn't care. To her, it was worth it if it meant Clarke got sleep.
She knew that it was hard on Clarke. She had her own nightmares, but many a morning, Octavia woke wrapped in Clarke's arms. It was on those nights that she knew Clarke had come to her bed to quieten her nightmares and not the other way around. She hoped that it was a mutual comfort, but they never talked about it. They just greeted each other and went about their mornings.
She looked up at Niylah and thought that the darker blonde must be part angel if they actually existed. She would always bathe them in throes of their dreams, keeping them cool and helping them through it. She would whisper words of comfort in Trig and Gonasleng. She would stay with them until they quietened down enough to fall back into dreamless sleep. She never faltered in her care. Even thought Octavia knew that both, she and Clarke, believed that they didn't deserve her respect or her help.
But, Niylah never brought up those nights. She never questioned their strength. And, that was when Octavia realized that was why she called for Niylah to be with them both. She knew Niylah and she knew that Niylah cared for them. This quiet, trading post keeper from Trikru, this non-gona blonde fought their demons in a different way and Octavia wasn't sure she knew what to do with that information.
"What happened at the council meeting this afternoon?" Niylah asked as she started to bathe the sweat from Clarke's brow.
"Stupidity," Octavia answered.
"Petty squabbles over nothing? This kru versus that one? He has what I want, kinda stuff?"
"Yup."
"That shouldn't have caused these. It had to have been something else. What are we missing?" Niylah asked her.
And, the more that Octavia ran back through their day, the less she understood what was eating Clarke up inside. There was nothing that should could remember that would have triggered anything close to this violent of a reactionary set of nightmares. There was just nothing.
"We trained. We checked on supplies. We rode the perimeter with Bellamy and Diyoza."
"That doesn't sound too horrific," Niylah replied.
"You weren't there, riding next to Bellamy, as he is still trying to get back in her good graces," Octavia lamented.
"Was she ever alone?"
"She took lunch with Palla, but that is about it."
Niylah shook her head. She had an idea, but she wasn't sure that Octavia was going to like it. Niylah wasn't dumb enough to believe that she and Clarke were going to get back together more than sharing a bed and possibly an angsty fuck. But, even she could see the way that Palla and Clarke looked at each other. She'd seen it before in Clarke's eyes, especially when she was thinking about or looking at her sketch of Lexa.
"She feels guilty," Niylah stated.
"Don't we all in some fashion," Octavia quipped back quickly.
Niylah stopped bathing Clarke's arms and looked up at the brunette. She could see the pain her eyes. She knew then that Octavia had been in the throes of her own terrible nightmare when she heard Clarke's screams.
It was in that moment that she was thankful for Raven's upgrades to their rooms. The outer walls had been more heavily insulated for warmth and mostly sound. She knew it partially because Clarke had gotten used to sleeping topless, so she needed all the warmth that she could get into her room. The other reason was to dampen the sounds of their screams from their nightmares. Niylah had become the only one really privy to their extent, frequency and intensity. She sighed as she moved the bowl and cup away from the bedside table.
"Get in on that side. We'll double team her and hope that it gives her enough peace. I don't think she'll wake peacefully if we try. And, I really don't want to have come up with a good reason as to why you need to see Abby in the middle of the night again."
"I don't think that Palla believed it was a late night training accident, either," Octavia said as she moved closer to the right side of the bed.
She gave Niylah a look when she ready. As soon as Niylah nodded, she pulled back the covers and moved into the bed. She pulled, gently, Clarke back into her body and hoped that her presence would be enough to calm the blonde. When she had Clarke situated, ass to her front, she motioned for Niylah to join them. Niylah crawled into the bed slowly as well. She wore little because she knew that Octavia was a little taken aback by the fact that she slept nude. It wasn't that she was a prude; it was just that Octavia had started thinking about Niylah more and it was frustrating.
Niylah moved closer until Clarke was sandwiched between them. She reached up and brushed blond hair out of Clarke's face and then beyond it, she moved a lock of Octavia's hair behind her ear. Their eyes met over Clarke's left shoulder and held. Niylah could see and Octavia could feel Clarke's breath start to even out and get deeper.
"She's still asleep," Niylah said as she moved just a bit closer, her gaze never breaking Octavia's.
"Good, now maybe we can, too," Octavia replied and closed her eyes, willing herself to stop the flow of blood to where it shouldn't be going and her thoughts from being so...deliciously naughty.
She huffed a little and tightened her hold around Clarke's abdomen. She hunkered down and hoped for a quick but dreamless night. She knew that it was going to be rough, but she also knew that she could handle it. That was until she felt Clarke's hand move back and onto her thigh.
Clarke couldn't remember what the dream was about and she didn't care. She felt loved. She felt cared for and she was warm. She burrowed back and felt the body that was holding her stiffen and then relax before gripping her tighter. Even in her sleep-addled brain, she knew that Octavia was in bed with her. They had shared beds so often since they started rooming together that she knew how Octavia felt melted up against her.
It had never failed. Since that night they shared a month or more ago, she could remember exactly how Octavia tasted, how her skin reacted to her slightest touch before she sent her carringing over the edge. It had been all fury and passion. There had been no love between them, but that didn't mean that it wasn't one of the best fucks that they'd ever had. For Clarke, Octavia had only been her fourth partner in as many adventures. For Octavia, Clarke was her first woman, and only her third partner.
But their fury and passion in that one night gave them enough emotional release that they felt vested together. There were no talks of love past that date, but they had grown closer. Clarke could feel it. She would never overstep her bounds with Octavia though. There would be no declarations of love, because it wasn't there. It was mutual usage and they both knew it. But, somehow it made them stronger. Clarke wasn't sure what it was, but maybe they gave each other something that they needed. For Clarke, it was Octavia's unwavering strength and rough domination, the ability for Clarke just to completely let go and let someone else take care of her, even if for a moment. For Octavia, it was the ability to break...completely and get put back together with gentle touches and words. It was the ability to be soft and needy without judgement or reservation.
She moved closer to Octavia, knowing that she would find comfort there and hopefully sleep. She felt Octavia hold her closer. She moved her hand from the bed up her side to Octavia's thigh. She rested it there. It was for both of them. She felt Octavia tense under her fingers, which didn't make any sense, but just as quickly she relaxed and let Clarke melt into her further. As Clarke snuggled back, she felt a hand move to her hip to hold her, too. She sighed and let herself be lured back into sleep.
When she felt the fingers squeeze her hip and the warmth of another body in front of her, she opened her eyes. She saw that it was Niylah. She was in bed with them. Clarke realized in that split second how bad her nightmare must have been for them both to be there with her. She opened her eyes again and looked at Niylah.
"Go back to sleep, Clarke. We'll keep the monsters at bay. I've got you," Niylah told her.
Clarke closed her eyes. She felt Niylah move closer. She couldn't help the small smile that grew on her lips.
Niylah moved her hand and cupped Clarke's cheek. She felt her lean into it and she smiled back. Leaning forward, she gave Clark a kiss on her forehead before she burrowed back into her pillow, making sure to keep a hand on Clarke. It was a tether to the real world and she knew that it would help her stay grounded and keep the nightmares at bay.
"Let me hold you," Clarke told her.
Niylah looked at her. She was staring into her eyes and Clarke could see the questions being asked. Clarke hardly ever held her when they slept together. It was always Niylah that held her. She knew it was because Clarke needed the vulnerability. This was new, but not unwelcome. She rolled slightly on the bed to her back. Staring up at the ceiling of the room, she grew warm under Clarke's gaze. She took off the tank she was wearing, rolled again, and backed up to her.
Clarke immediately gathered her into her arms and held her close. Clarke put her nose just behind Niylah's ear and took a deep breath. She felt grounded again. She felt like she could do anything because she had people that cared for her. Octavia and Niylah's warmth flowed through her and lulled her back to sleep. She was calm. She was loved. She was strong and weak at the same time. It was what she needed.
Niylah was staring at the wall. She felt so many things while she was laying there, being held by Clarke. She felt the way the bed dipped with all three of them in it. She felt the way Clarke's breasts moved against her back, both of them topless. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine them back in Clarke's room in Arkadia when things didn't seem so strange. No one questioned Clarke keeping Niylah with her. No one questioned Niylah's presence. No one needed to, because they could see that Niylah was only caring for their leader. And, she had...she did.
Being with Clarke was easy. There were no pretenses with them. She knew what she was doing. She knew that she'd never be able to compete with Lexa and she didn't try. She didn't want to erase Lexa's memory from Clarke's mind. She just wanted her to find something more to live for, something more than survival.
She felt Clarke's hand move from her around her torso to her elbow. Her fingers were warm and she couldn't stop her body's reaction as Clarke moved her hand lower. She didn't stop until it was on her hip. Her fingers slowly gripped and dipped into the grooves of her hip. She leaned further back into her and felt Clarke's breasts against the backs of her shoulders. She bit back the sigh and tried to tampan down the feelings that her flesh brought up. But, Clarke must have had other things on her mind. Her hand wandered from her up to just under her breast. Fingers skimmed underneath them until Clarke could rest her palm securely on her sternum, her thumb resting in the valley between her breasts. She knew that this was how Clarke knew she was real.
She was searching for her heartbeat and the feeling of her breath. The gentle ebb and flow of air through her lungs showed Clarke life through her fingertips. Clarke had placed her hand there many times in the middle of the night, but usually, she was on her back with Clarke curled into her side, head on her shoulder, and fast asleep. She knew Clarke wasn't asleep by the breath that she felt on her neck. Clarke was very...very much awake.
She reached down and put her hand over Clarke's. She didn't trap it. She was just letting her know that she understood. But, she didn't. She really didn't understand what Clarke needed in that moment, because it wasn't the same as every other night that they'd shared.
She felt Clarke's hand slide down her stomach and stop at the hem of her shorts. It was like Clarke was asking for permission to touch her. The heat between them was intense and she could feel Octavia's hand now against her back as Clarke moved closer to her. She tried to will her body to not respond, but it knew Clarke and it knew what pleasure Clarke could pull from her. It might have been over six years since she'd felt the blonde's touch, but it didn't make it any easier to resist it, either.
Her fingertips teased the sensitive flesh there. Her breath was starting to get ragged and she could feel the soft touch of lips grazing across the top of her shoulder. Her head fell back and her neck extended. She knew that it was invitation and she didn't stop herself. The lips moved upwards but her hand stayed low, fingers splayed open, the tips barely under the hem, still waiting for permission to move further.
Then she felt Clarke's right arm move beneath her, circling her waist and pulling her harder into her body. She let out a little gasp. Then she felt, the hand between them move. She knew the difference as soon as it was on her hip, pulling her back, too. That hand had to be Octavia's. It was obviously a warrior's hand. The calluses and roughness from years of holding a sword were very apparent. They were both touching her and her body began to scream for more.
It wasn't enough. It was like this feeling that had been growing inside her needed some sort of release and she didn't know where to find it. Then, she found herself between them. The only two people who ever showed the care that her mind, her soul, her sanity needed. Raven was good to talk to because she didn't sugar coat things, but Octavia was blunt. She thought like a Grounder. She thought about the pain and punishment of each action. Octavia never tried to do something for herself. She was like Clarke in that respect. She never took unless it was offered. Niylah gave freely and Clarke reveled in that.
She thought about what she really wanted, but her body was craving the women with her and her mind was too far gone to care at the moment. Her fingers twitched as she teasingly dipped her fingers in Niylah's shorts. She had no intention of going further, until she was allowed, or pulling her hand away, unless she was asked. It was a dangerous game and at the moment, Clarke was willing to go all in.
She felt Niylah tense under her touch, or so she thought. Then, she felt Octavia's arm brush against hers as another hand landed on Niylah's hip. Clarke couldn't help but smile. She'd felt Octavia's stirrings behind her, but she thought that the younger girl had gone to sleep. Obviously, she hadn't.
Turning her head, slightly, away from Niylah's back, she looked up into piercing green eyes in the moonlight. Smiling, she leaned back ever so slightly, easing her grasp around Niylah's body as she leaned into Octavia's. She could feel her muscle ripple. She could see the questions and the fire in her eyes. She knew Octavia's touch. She knew the feelings that she could bring, the rough, harshness that her body craved sometimes, and the deep, soul-breaking, emotional release that took awake the burning ache and crushing guilt. It was so different from the softness, the lingering touches, soothing words and the life affirming rapture that came from Niylah. It burned her deeply and helped to cauterize the wounds in her fractured soul. And, now as she still lay between them, she felt like she needed both from them. She needed the flexibility that they offered. She needed to feel alive and feel nothing at the same time. She knew it was dangerous, but this wouldn't kill anyone. It might hurt later, but now, it would be liberating.
Octavia must have sensed it, too. The look in her eyes changed from questioning to understanding. She knew then that Clarke needed her. Pulling her slightly, she urged both Niylah and Clarke to turn. Clarke landed on her back and looked up at them both, waiting to see what they would do.
Niylah gazed down at the blonde in wonder and then over to the brunette. Their conversation was quick and non-verbal. Clarke needed them. The night had been rough and torturous. Giving her release would let them all sleep in the comfort of each others arms. And, being there with Octavia, she'd be a fool to pass up such an opportunity.
Octavia saw the silent approval in Niylah's eyes. This was going to happen. It wasn't something planned, but they could all use it and get the emotional release that had been building since they were thrust back together.
She leaned down and buried her head in Clarke's neck, biting it as she nibbled her way from ear to shoulder. Niylah quickly kissed her plump pink lips, reaquainting herself with Clarke's liath form. They kissed like they loved, Octavia was full of fury and strength, Niylah was tenderness and devotion, and Clarke's soul ate it up like it was her last meal.
Her body was already arching, begging to be touched. Olive hands roughly moved across her stomach, lighter than Clarke had ever felt. Skimming across her skin until one hand found purchase on her opposite hip. Fingertips dug in and held her fast, like Octavia was afraid that she might disappear or float away. It anchored her to the bed.
Niylah continued to kiss her, mapping her mouth, and whispering little things in Trig. It was enough for Clarke to get lost in the sensation. Breaking her kiss, Niylah moved to her neck. Where Octavia was biting and marking, she was sure, Niylah brushed her lips over the sensitive area, laving it with her tongue. Clarke closed her eyes as she hungrily ate up every touch and sensation.
But, just like always, Octavia needed gratification. She needed to know that this wasn't just real, but something that Clarke wanted. Her hand moved down to the band of Clarke's shorts. She bucked upwards as fingertips grazed across her belly and her eyes flew open. Green met blue seconds before Octavia's hand simply bunched up the shorts in her fist and pulled. It didn't take much before the cloth gave way and Clarke was officially naked with them.
Niylah heard the cloth rip and turned her head to see Clarke's body fully on display. Her mouth watered, but she knew that Clarke was ready now. Turning she met Octavia's eyes. No words were said as Niylah reached out and took O's hand in her own. She placed in on Clarke's mound and waited.
O looked at her in shock. Sure, they were in bed together and they were kissing and touching Clarke together, but she never assumed that Niylah would touch her. She hesitated, unsure of what it meant, until she saw the need and desire burning in the older woman's hazel eyes. She realized that she could get lost in them if she tried. She shook her head to remind herself that this was about Clarke.
They both felt a hand move up their neck and start to play with the short hairs at their nape. O melted into the touch as Niylah sighed. Looking back at each other, Niylah leaned forward and kissed Octavia as she pushed some of her fingers into Clarke. Octavia didn't even try to stop the moan that filtered through her lips.
"Jok!" Clarke exclaimed as she watched them and felt them touching her.
When Niylah was happy with Octavia's rhythm, she moved her hand away and broke their kiss. Pulling her hand up to her mouth, she sucked off what little bit of Clarke she'd picked up only to see the look in Octavia's eyes. Instead of giving O a taste, she teased her a little.
Cocking Clarke up on her right hip, Octavia brought her right leg up and over her own hip, opening Clarke for her. She deepened and strengthened her pace. They were both rewarded with Clarke's light moans.
Niylah leaned down from her side and took her breast into her mouth. For Clarke, it was so different. Niylah was worshiping her body with her mouth and tongue, while Octavia was plundering her, thrusting inside her, clawing at the orgasm she knew would come. It was this all too much for her body. She came with a scream.
Rolling away from Octavia always proved to be hard, but she let her go. Turning to face the brunette, she backed into Niylah's body. Reaching out, she ran her hands down Octavia's front and gripped at the tank.
"Take it off," she commanded and Octavia complied.
She didn't care about the scar from battle. She didn't care about the roughness of her hands. She cared about the woman before her. She pulled up onto her knees, pulling Octavia with her. Her hands itched to touch the warrior woman, so she did. Her hands were nearly as soft as Niylah's, but they weren't as rough as O's.
She grabbed a breast and pulled O closer. She knew that she could be rough with her, but she wanted to show O a different side, a softer side, and let her crumble as well. Pulling back just enough, she reached over her shoulder and found Niylah there waiting.
"Touch her the way you touch me," Clarke whispered.
Niylah looked at her and then at Octavia. The brunette's eyes were blown and she could see the fear in her eyes. It wasn't the fear of being touched. No, she could tell that Octavia didn't know was softness was. She did know that it could be strength, too.
Niylah moved around Clarke and got behind Octavia. Clarke couldn't help but smile as both sets of eyes were staring at her, green and hazel. Then slightly sunkissed hands came up and cupped Octavia's breasts. She arched back into the taller woman and Niylah took her weight easily. Clark reached for Octavia and kissed her. After several minutes, Niylah kept one hand on her breast, teasing it, caressing it, and massaging it while the other began mapping her body. Clarke could tell that she was losing herself in the sensations.
Octavia looked like she was about to break. Niylah kept working her body, but no one had given in and touched her. Her body bucked and begged for release, but neither Clarke nor Niylah were giving it to her. Finally, she couldn't take it. She reached up and grabbed a hand pulling it down towards her need. Clarke understood, but didn't give in. She teased Octavia, but gave her enough pressure to take off the edge. When she finally took the plunge, she was rewarded with a very guttural moan. It made Clarke want to give her more. So she reached out and took one of Niylah's hands. She sucked on her fingers, lubing them, then brought that hand down to Octavia's ass. Niylah got the hint and met Clarke's wet fingers as she eased inside of Octavia too. Together they found an alternating rhythm for O to ride, and ride she did all the way to her much needed oblivion.
As they fell to the bed, Clarke eased Niylah between them. O landed on her back, still panting, trying to recover from the mind blowing orgasm she'd just achieved from both of their hands. Clarke could tell that Niylah was in need, so she moved between her legs and gently started lapping at her. She knew that the sounds would reawaken Octavia and she was right. Minutes later as she was going down on Niylah, she felt O spread her legs and kneel behind her.
Kisses started pouring down her back. Niylah reached down and grabbed her hands, needing the anchor to keep her there. Octavia quickly pushed two fingers, deep into Clarke as she tasted Niylah. Both blondes moaned at the sensation. Before Clarke could get used to the pounding that Octavia was giving he, she felt the weight behind each thrust change. A knee was cemented behind O' hand as her fingertips burned the flesh on Clarke's hips. She was brought up slightly on her knees, but she was allowed to continue licking and kissing at Niylah.
Octavia had to admit that she was getting off on the sight of Clarke eating Niylah out while she was pounding her from behind. She wanted to mark them both in that moment, claiming them as hers, but she knew that they weren't. Her body shuttered at the thought of keeping them both and her eyes met Niylah's just before she was about to come. The look there was different than before. It was deeper, more passionate and dare say more emotional. She could feel a different kind of pull towards the older blonde and she had to admit she liked it.
Locking looks with her, she continued to pound into Clarke. Niylah tried to sit up, but couldn't. When O saw what she wanted, she lifted Clarke enough so that Niylah could move to the head of the bed to use the headboard to hold herself up. Clarke moved with them, never giving up on her goal. Once they were situated, Octavia met Niylah for a kiss. It was awkward and the angle was off, but there was a promise of things to come.
Niylah broke the kiss as her body climaxed. A scream tore through her throat and into the night. Octavia couldn't help but smile as Clarke came right behind her. This time, O fell between them.
Niylah was already kissing her back as Clarke stroked it. She arched into them both as her body craved the delicate touches. She hated to admit that it made her feel more like a woman. She didn't mind it, but she thought it made her weak. She realized how wrong she was. And, then she knew why Clarke kept going back to Niylah after Lexa's death. Niylah helped her find her way back to herself, back to the woman that she wanted to be, needed to be. Niylah helped her find sanity in their insane world.
Niylah leaned up and whispered in Octavia's ear. She saw the look of apprehension on her face, but she just nodded. Then she leaned over and whispered to Clarke. Clarke smiled as she moved to allow them room.
Niylah laid on her back as Octavia mounted her face. Not to be left out, Clarke mounted her hips and made sure that Octavia was looking right at her. Niylah didn't wait for Clarke to get situated as she ran her tongue along Octavia's center. The moan that escaped was loud. Clarke leaned forward and kissed her, swallowing her moans as Niylah continued to feast. When at last Octavia tapped out, spent from all their activities, Clarke and Niylah both relented and allowed her to melt into the bed. Clarke moved to her right and Niylah to her left, so they could both pet Octavia with their dominant hands.
The morning twilight started to shine in the room as they snuggled into each other. Nightmares had been bested and sanity gained. Now, all they lacked was some sleep. Clarke knew that Octavia might be missed in the early morning training, but she didn't care. They would deal with the rest of the world when they woke, for now, they would take comfort in each other's strength and vulnerability. In her satiated mind, Clarke didn't even wonder if O would find comfort with Niylah again. She knew she would and she couldn't help but smile for her friends finding each other, with her help, as sleep overtook her.