Feelings are already quite complicated and messy by this point. Can it possibly get any worse?

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

Chapter 9. A Lesser Confession

For the next few days of their weekend, Mahiru goes about her chores and activities as per usual, spending some of her free time in the main dance studio at school, practicing with Karen, and often several of the others as well.

She's relieved to see that Claudine is as energetic and competitive as ever. She trains just as hard to perfect her supporting role, treating it just as seriously and with as much respect as if it were the leading one.

Their play is in two weeks on Friday, and Mahiru's competition is the very next day on Saturday. Her friends all feel bad they won't be able to make it to watch her compete, so they beg her to show them her routine after classes, and Mahiru bashfully agrees.

"I haven't finished the entire thing yet," she warns them. "It has to be two minutes long. I've still got twenty more seconds to go."

"That's fine!" Karen cheers. "Show us, show us!"

"She's quite breathtaking," Claudine announces. "I've seen her routine a few times."

"I'm very intrigued," Kaoruko says. "Let's see it, Mahiru-han!"

"Maybe we could do a play that incorporates baton next," Nana suggests.

"E-Everyone…" Mahiru blushes as she sets up her music, then takes her baton from her bag and gets into position in the middle of the room. Everyone else stands back to observe.

Mahiru has decided she'll perform in her leotard at the competition, so she's been practicing in it as of late to get used to the movements. As soon as the music starts, she begins.

And she's fairly shocked at just how well she does, considering the amount of people watching her now. Performing just in front of Claudine was one thing, but seven people was another.

But it was certainly for the best. She used to perform in front of large audiences frequently as a child, but hadn't done it very much for the past few years as she'd charted out her path to Seishou. The play she'd done with the class had been one thing, because everyone had shared the spotlight. But for this competition all eyes will be solely upon her for two entire minutes.

Mahiru tosses her baton and spins beneath it before catching it perfectly, keeping it moving all the while. She leaps and twirls with the music, painting a wordless story as she goes. By now, she doesn't even have to coach herself to be confident like she used to; it comes much more naturally and without her needing to think about it.

And she knows she has Claudine and all her friends to thank for that.

She goes through her cartwheel, her next twirl, tosses her baton high and catches it, then comes to a stop as the music goes on.

"That's all I have so far," she says. "I need to make a little more…"

Right away, everyone starts applauding.

"Wow, wow! Mahiru-chan, that was amazing!"

"Way to go, Mahiru-chan!"

"Very nice!"

"I'm quite impressed."

"That was awesome!"

As everyone sings her their praises, a wobbly smile comes to Mahiru's lips.

"Th-Thank you all…"

"Ahh," Junna sighs. "I wish I could come see you do it live…"

"Me too…" Nana frowns.

"Kuro-han will be there, no?" Kaoruko asks. "Perhaps she can film it?"

"Ah," Claudine says. "That's a good idea. After all, the whole world should get to see Mahiru's routine."

"K-Kuro-chan!"

"She's right, you know!"

"I would have to agree, Tsuyuzaki-san."

Mahiru scurries over to turn off her music, blushing all the while.

"Allll right!" Karen claps. "Watching Mahiru-chan has fired me up! Let's keep practicing!"

"Yes!"

Mahiru blinks, baffled that she could've been the one to motivate any of them, let alone all of them.

They're all so kind…

With a grin on her face and a bound in her step, Mahiru hurries back over to join them.

When Tuesday comes and it's once again time for Mahiru and Claudine's practice time together, they divide their time to cover two things.

For the first half hour or so, Claudine helps Mahiru with reading lines, projecting different emotions, and building her confidence as per usual. Mahiru has recognized that it's all come much more easily to her lately, but she still has plenty she wants to work on, so she's still very grateful for Claudine's help.

But after a water break, they decide to have Mahiru work on finishing the rest of her baton routine. She asks Claudine's opinion on what she has so far, and Claudine gives objective feedback. Mahiru isn't upset, nor does she take any criticism personally. Not that anything Claudine says sounds even the slightest bit mean, but Mahiru had always been the type to take things to heart, no matter how gently they might've been said. But, as always, being with Claudine relaxes her and allows her to work and perform almost without hesitation.

She changes a few parts here or there as Claudine suggests, and even rejects a few of her suggestions to change parts Mahiru really likes. That's another thing she never thought she'd be able to do for fear of hurting someone else's feelings. But Mahiru has learned by now not to do whatever other people say just to appease them, because then her own voice will never be heard.

Once she's gone through making the changes to the parts she has so far, she asks Claudine's opinion for an ending. Claudine gives her a few ideas, but ultimately thinks Mahiru should be the one to decide for herself.

"Whatever you come up with," Claudine says. "I know it will be perfect, Mahiru."

Mahiru's heart swells.

"Thank you, Kuro-chan!"

For a little while longer, she practices perfecting the changes to her routine. By the time they stop, she's completed everything but the finale.

"Tres bien! That's good for today, don't you think? Have some water."

"Thank you!" Mahiru accepts the bottle Claudine hands her. Claudine opens her own and leans back against the wall, then slowly slides down to sit on the floor. Mahiru joins her as she drinks.

"I still can hardly believe I'm actually doing this."

"Doing what? The competition?"

"W-Well, yes that." Mahiru rotates her water bottle in her hands. "I've been doing baton for a long time, so I didn't want to just give it up completely when I came here. I'm glad I was able to muster up the confidence to enter myself in the competition. And I think-"

"Hold on!" Claudine holds up her hand to stop her. "Don't say it's thanks to me."

"B-But it is! You've helped me with my confidence so much!"

Claudine puts a hand to the back of her neck, as though finding it difficult to accept the praise.

"Right. Maybe I helped you, but you know you always had it in you, right? It's not like I just gave it to you or something."

"That's sort of how it feels though…" Mahiru keeps her eyes trained on the water in front of her, and the faint, wobbly reflection of herself. "But… you're right, Kuro-chan. All of these feelings are mine. Though, for some of them, it feels like other people gave them to me…"

"Hm? Like what?" Claudine tilts her head a little, then gasps. "Oh? Mahiru, do you like someone? Is there someone who gives you those warm fuzzy feelings?"

"E-Ehh-?" Mahiru's grip on her water bottle tightens and she crinkles it, stiffening on the spot as her face heats up. Beside her, Claudine chuckles.

"It's all right, you don't have to tell me any details. But if you ever need someone to vent your feelings to, I'll lend an ear."

Mahiru's heart has started backflipping, and even though she'd just wound down from her session her whole body feels as though she'd just gone through a rigorous routine with how warm it suddenly is again. But some part of her almost wants to utilize this opportunity to voice some of her complicated feelings, just so they can finally be released and won't be able to bother her quite so much anymore.

"W-Well… i-if it's okay with you then, Kuro-chan… can I talk for a little…?"

Claudine drops her water bottle aside and sits up straight, turning to face Mahiru directly and seriously.

"Of course you can! What else are friends for?"

The word 'friends' stings Mahiru; of course it makes her happy to know that's what she is to Claudine, but she longs to be something more. She closes her eyes, still gripping her water firmly as she draws in a deep breath.

It's Kuro-chan. I trust her with my feelings. I just can't tell her the feelings I have for her…

After a moment of steeling herself, Mahiru opens her eyes again slowly. Claudine waits for her quietly, and Mahiru feels she has the option to call this off if she wants to, and Claudine would take no offense. But she'd rather get some of these things off her chest. So with one last inhale, she speaks up again.

"Well… the other night, I told you about Karen-chan… how she has someone else she's very close to… It made me sad and a little jealous to find that out. And I think I felt that way because I s-sort of… had a crush on her..." Her throat suddenly goes dry as she stares at the water in her lap. She's never revealed having feelings for anyone before, especially not feelings for another girl to another girl. She doesn't think Claudine will look at her any differently for knowing this about her, but it's still nerve-wracking.

Luckily for her, Claudine takes the news as casually as if Mahiru had told her the weather.

"Ah, so it is Karen, hm?"

"E-Eh? W-Was it too obvious-?"

"Mm not really? But if I had to wager a guess, she's the most obvious choice. You two are very close."

Mahiru's whole face and neck must be pink by now. Somehow she'd confessed, though it had been the lesser of the two confessions she's been harboring within her heart. She wheezes out a breath.

"I g-guess you're right…" Even though her affections have changed, it's still embarrassing to bring up her puppy crush on her roommate. "B-But that was just at the beginning… I realized I think I only had a crush on her because she was so nice to me. It's kind of horrible to say this, but I probably would've gotten a crush on the first person who was nice to me here, regardless of who it was…"

"I don't necessarily think that's true," Claudine says gently. "I think you like Karen because she's Karen, if that makes any sense. Something about her drew you to her, just like something about you drew her to you."

Mahiru is quiet for a moment. She'd never considered that before. Naturally, she only thought of her own perspective. But there must have been a reason Karen was drawn to her from the start too.

"I'm sure," Claudine smiles. "Karen thought you were a good fit for her, too. And I'm sure she was very happy when you accepted her and become her friend."

Mahiru whimpers, suddenly feeling like she might cry.

Kuro-chan… is so amazing… She's so kind… This is just making me fall in love with her more…

Mahiru bows her head for a moment, and Claudine falls quiet, but moves in a little to support her side.

Mahiru flounders in her own mind again. She doesn't want to believe her feelings for Claudine are like her feelings for Karen. That is, she doesn't want to believe she only liked Karen because Karen was nice to her. In the same way, she doesn't want to believe she likes Claudine only because Claudine has been helping her and training with her, or just because she's pretty or kind.

If Banana had been the one… or Tendo-san or Futaba-chan or Junna-chan… would I have fallen for them as well? No… I don't think I would have. I think… it's only Kuro-chan, for me. Kuro-chan is just… she's so…

She can't even configure the thoughts and emotions. Mahiru leans her head on Claudine's shoulder once again. And again, she finds her heart doesn't skip a beat or anything like that. She's just so relaxed and happy around Claudine, as if she'd always been meant to be beside her.

All I know is that I love her… I don't want her to get hurt… I want her to be happy… So that's why I can never tell her…

But she knows the feelings are mounting by the day, and soon they'll burst. And when that happens, Mahiru will probably lose her.

Not yet. Just a little longer…

After a few minutes, Mahiru finds her voice again.

"That… my feelings for Karen-chan aren't the same anymore… I still love her very much, but not in that way. And that's probably for the best."

"Why do you say that?" Claudine asks. "I think having those kinds of feelings for someone is wonderful. Maybe they don't feel the same way, and maybe you'll get hurt… but just the fact that those feelings exist at all from one person to another is quite beautiful, don't you think?"

Mahiru lifts her head just a little bit, peering up at the side of her face. Claudine meets her gaze with honest eyes.

"Sorry. I don't mean to sound like I'm nagging or anything. But I think it's fine if you had a crush on Karen, or anyone else. And it's fine if nothing came of it, so long as you're still happy with her."

"I am!" Mahiru says in earnest. "I really am! I love the way I am with Karen-chan right now, and I hope it never changes."

Claudine smiles.

"Then all's well that ends well, no? You might even fall in love with someone else."

This time Mahiru's heart does flutter, but she quickly pushes the conversation along.

"Wh-What about you, Kuro-chan? Do you have anyone you like?"

"You mean as more than just friends?" Claudine tilts her head back a little. To Mahiru, the fact that Claudine needs to think on the answer means she doesn't have a crush on anyone, or else that would surely be right at the forefront of her thoughts.

"Well," Claudine says. "There are certain people I'm closer to in some ways that I'm not close to anyone else. Like Tendo Maya, for instance. Ah, but I don't have a crush on her, all right? Of course she's stunning and she has her charming points about her… but I've never felt any sort of attraction to her other than being her dance partner. There's a certain way only we can move and read one another because of that, but all I could ever want to be is her friend."

Mahiru is admittedly surprised. She'd thought for sure Claudine might be harboring stronger feelings for Maya. But the way Claudine talks about her now is surefire, as if she'd already considered her feelings and worked them out a while ago. Their relationship was involved enough with them being the top students, rivals, and friends. And considering how dedicated the two of them were to the stage and their careers, it was evident they might not have the time for a relationship together anyway.

"So then… you don't like Tendo-san?"

"I like her plenty," Claudine says. "Just not like that."

"I get it. So then… we're kind of the same."

"I guess we are."

The two of them share a little smile. By now, it's far past the time they usually leave.

"A-Ah!" Mahiru gasps. "I'm so sorry! We ended up staying late because I wanted to talk…"

"It's all right. I don't mind. I like talking with you, Mahiru."

Mahiru is rendered motionless by the comment for a moment because it makes her so happy. So Claudine gets up first and offers her hand. When Mahiru looks up at her, the sun outside sinks just the right amount to cast in a beam of golden light behind Claudine. She glows like an angel, and to Mahiru, she really is one.

She's helped me with so much, taught me so much, listened to me and confided in me, and let me confide in her…

She wants to hold onto Claudine for as long as she possibly can.

So when she accepts her hand, it isn't with the same timid grip Mahiru used to have, but with a firmness that solidifies her feelings. Claudine squeezes back and hoists her to her feet.

Mahiru gives a bit of a jump in her glee, which is something she's never done before. It catches Claudine by surprise, just enough to have her stumbling a bit at the unexpected push in weight. She instinctively throws out her free hand to stop herself from hitting the wall.

But Mahiru is faster. She dives forward, looping her unoccupied arm around Claudine's waist and pulling her a bit forward to lessen the impact as her shoulders bump against the wall. Her head hits too, but not as hard as it might've.

They end up stopped with Claudine slouched lightly against the wall and Mahiru leaning a bit over her.

"K-Kuro-chan! Are you okay?"

"Oui, completely fine." Claudine gives her a smile to prove it. Mahiru sighs in relief before comprehending just how close their faces are. She quickly straightens up and pulls Claudine up with her.

"S-Sorry! It was my fault…"

"Not at all. I wasn't paying attention."

"Did you hit your head?"

"I hardly felt a thing."

"Thank goodness…"

"You have very quick reflexes, Mahiru. Merci."

"I-It's no problem…"

The two of them let go of one another and then proceed to gather their things and tidy up the studio. Mahiru still feels warm all over from the little stumble, and from the personal conversations they'd had today. It's a constant war within herself between being happy to have Claudine's friendship, and dreading the inevitable ruination of it because of her affections.

Maybe… after the competition…

She comes to the decision as she's following Claudine out the studio doors and toward the building's exit.

Maybe that's when I should tell her… She deserves to know. And then we can stop seeing each other like this and just become classmates if she still wants anything to do with me.

Mahiru thinks she will. Claudine is too sweet of a person to cut her off completely just because Mahiru harbors unwanted feelings for her. She truly believes Claudine will reject her gently but agree to remain friends. And Mahiru is all right with that.

After that, I'll just have to try and stop loving her. But until then… I want to keep being in love with her until the competition.

She wants to perform for Claudine and live her fantasy for just a few more weeks.

So for this evening, as they meet up with some of their other friends and make the walk back to Starlight Hall for supper, Mahiru sticks close to Claudine and lets herself walk beside her.

A/N: I loved writing them getting closer and closer until they could have heart-to-heart conversations with one another! I imagine they'd be so cozy talking together (even if one or both of them were internally a mess).

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