A/N: Back for another chapter. The story is now rated M, it is for the best! We have some plot movement here, more character conversations… Very heavy stuff… I will talk about my thought process in lengthy end of chapter notes.
JKR owns everything I only own this increasingly emotional story.
Harry awoke next morning and went down to the kitchen. He was surprised, or perhaps not surprised, to find Hermione sitting alone at the table reading a book.
"I didn't expect you to be up so early, err not that I have any idea what time it is now."
"A little past seven in the morning. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.
"Ron's snoring? Asked Harry lazily, as he got himself a glass of milk.
Hermione chuckled. "No, I've gotten quite used to that honestly, just had a lot on mind this morning and plus I think I'm still conditioned for getting up early for morning watch. Doing that routinely for a year, it's hard to break, you know."
"Yeah, I wake up at the slightest thing it seems like. This time it was a beam of direct sunlight coming through the window and some birds. I envy Ron and Ginny for being able to sleep soundly."
At that moment, a Barn Owl could be seen flying at the house and started pecking at a nearby window, carrying a letter in its talons, the Hogwarts seal clearly visible. Hermione abandoned her book opened the window and the owl dropped the letter on the table and flew back out again. Harry turned into over, it was addressed to him. He opened it and began to read with Hermione over his shoulder.
Dear Harry,
I intended to talk with you right after the battle ended, but I knew that you would want time to yourself. I wish it could wait longer but we would need to set things in motion quickly in time for the coming school year. I will give you details when you are able to come back to Hogwarts. Please meet with me by the end of the week. You may bring Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger too as my request concerns them and quite frankly, I have come to just expect the three of you together. The password to the now repaired stone gargoyle is Invictus.
Sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall.
"What do you suppose that's about?" Asked Hermione, her mind was already running through possibilities as she sat back down at the table.
"I don't know but she wrote this personally which means it's important." Harry's face was set in a serious look while he thought carefully. "I'm betting Kingsley's visit wasn't just a coincidence." He scratched his head nervously.
"Probably not, he probably already met with McGonagall."
"Probably."
She returned to her book. "There's left over beef stew in the fridge by the way."
"Oh, that's great!" Said Harry cheerfully. He opened the fridge surprised by the quantity of the leftovers. "I really didn't expect her to do anything after I basically told her off last night." Said Harry guiltily as he heated the food letting out a steam with his wand. "You're really used to Ron's snoring then?" Harry asked with a surprised look.
Hermione chuckled again as he sat down next to her. "Come on Harry, it's not like this is your Aunt and Uncle, she's not going to refuse food to kids if they tell her off. And yes, I couldn't sleep nearly as well without it… Him, while he was gone." The admission was subdued.
"It seems like you guys worked that out." Said Harry, eating rather fast out of hunger.
Hermione closed her book and briefly pulled out her wand to cast privacy charms.
She sighed. "If I'd known what I did to him all these years, making his already terrible self-doubt even worse." She said her voice wavering slightly,
The break in her voice made Harry forget his hunger. He looked at her taking her hand, his expression delicate. "He told you what happened then?"
Hermione nodded, answering quietly. "Yes, I was shocked he did, he just let it all go. It was like he was 11 again Harry, like we both were."
"Nice to know I'm not the only one. It seems to be going around." Said Harry dully.
"How are you? I'm very worried, Ron too." She asked squeezing his hand.
He dismissed the question giving her a searching look. "Oh no you don't. We'll get back to me in a bit. You know Ron's issues aren't your fault Hermione." He said pointedly.
"Yes, of course." She didn't sound like she believed it.
Harry narrowed his eyes sounding skeptical. "Hermione, that was about as convincing as if Ginny tried to convince me she was good at Poetry, which she knows full well she is rubbish at."
She gave a weak chuckle and sighed, her face tight in deep thought. "Alright… it's just, I keep wondering where I went wrong, I really didn't mean to make him feel inferior."
Harry seemed indifferent, blunt in fact. "They are Ron's issues Hermione, you can't hold his hand every time he gets insecure, and I reckon he is realizing that. Besides, there's something Dumbledore told me once… It's our choices that show who we truly are, not our abilities. Ron measures himself by what he can or can't do way too much…"
She was subdued. "He's really sorry you know?"
Harry nodded equally subdued. "I know and I know the locket didn't help, hell, I know I didn't help, I mean I am just as much at fault for him getting to the point that made him leave. Still, nobody can make him love himself, that's ultimately up to him. "
"Ron's self-love is lacking." She said sadly.
"Yeah, hopefully that changes slowly over time. I think I'm a bit exhausted from worrying about his self-esteem. I will leave that to you from now on because you're together." He sighed. "Anyway, I am getting distracted from what's really on my mind... I have had time to think about the three of us over the last seven years and I've realized…"
"Realized what?" She asked her eyebrows raised.
I didn't equally value you being my best friend. I took you for granted… I haven't cared about you as much as you care about me."
"That's just rubbish Harry!" Said Hermione almost defiantly.
He was suddenly insistent. "No, it isn't, you made hard choices on my behalf, some that I resented you for—" She tried to protest, turning away from him with a dismissive eye roll. "Hey, look at me, Hermione." Harry's tone was serious to the point that it pulled her eyes directly to his. "Some were small things, but they were all hard choices, and they were the right choices. There's that saying about loving someone to save them from themselves… That's always been you, you have shown me more love and loyalty then I've ever shown you. I never made any real effort to be your friend separate from Ron at Hogwarts, ducking you when Ron wasn't around, ignoring you when you were hurting, or treating you looking out for me as an annoyance, yet I asked for your help constantly. That not how a best friend should be treated, in fact, it was pretty damn awful of me."
She was quickly distressed by the emotional weight in his words. "If you think I'm going to let you convince yourself you've been a lousy best friend, you have not!" There was electricity in her eyes now.
"Yes, I have, I'm just sorry it took this year for me to realize it." He said regretfully.
Hermione was exasperated now. "Why because you prefer Ron's company over mine? He's a guy Harry, I understand why you weren't keen to hang out with a girl, not to mention a chatty bookworm like me. Big deal, do you really think I'd still be your best friend if you treated me as badly as you think you have? Why on Earth are you thinking such rubbish?"
He shook his head. "I've realized that I treated you as a lesser friend than Ron, it should have been equal it wasn't, and this year opened my eyes."
"Harry, what are you— "She began emotionally.
He was looking at her with newfound respect. "I need you to know how grateful I am. You stayed and didn't have to stay! You erased your parent's memories of you to come with me, knowing full well they might live without knowing their amazingly brilliant daughter ever existed. Those are sacrifices equal to my mother. Sure, yours didn't leave a magical mark but without them, I would have been dead all the same."
"Harry, …" They both began to tear up now…
"The last year, what you've done it showed me how much I've taken your friendship for granted in the last seven. You made all kinds of decisions that I was too stubborn to appreciate at the time…" Harry felt regret rise in his voice as he rattled things off. "You had the Firebolt tested when it could have been a cursed broom given what was going on at the time. You were right about the potions book and how dangerous it turned out to be. I nearly killed Malfoy with one of the spells in it and as much as I can't stand him, I would have hated myself for killing him." He chuckled at some of his more immature stupidity. "Even small things… You always tried in vain, to stop me from going after Malfoy or getting in other sorts of trouble. Merlin knows almost every dangerous thing that I either got myself into or got caught up in, you were right about." He was holding her gaze more intensely now. "The point is I see now, that you always stuck by me and tried to protect me from myself, even when I gave you grief for it and well, I owe you a long overdue thank you."
Hermione was emotional now. "Oh, Harry you don't owe me anything. Honestly, you mean more to me than my own parents, yes, I love them, and I know they love me, but they left me alone quite often, thinking sparse vacations made up for that. I became so enamored with books to take my mind off being alone." She squeezed his hand. "You've been alone too Harry, for 10 years and every summer from 11 to 17, hated on top of being alone in fact. I wasn't going to put you through that when you needed me most. You are my best friend, no matter how much you think you haven't been mine… It doesn't matter what the situation is, if you had to do anything dangerous alone, or if I think I can protect your blind spot than I will do it no matter what it costs me. You, Harry Potter, have been alone enough and certainly haven't had too many people looking out for your best interests and well-being, only their own and that damn prophecy!"
Harry gave her a grateful, yet apologetic smile. "That's my point… The irony is I haven't done the same, I didn't comfort you the times Ron had you in tears over the ball or Lavender or," He clenched his fists angrily, "While he was gone for well over a month, I let you cry alone!"
Hermione was so moved that she had to work extra hard not to crumble emotionally. "Harry, you have to stop being so hard on yourself, I appreciate it really, but you had enough to worry about without adding me to the list."
"I can't help it— " Harry choked back a sob which made Hermione's eyes widen with concern and she squeezed his hand tightly. "Bellatrix was torturing you and you didn't waver, if I hadn't violated the damn taboo, it wouldnt— " He gulped in a strangled breath, stood up abruptly, and walked away from her distraught.
Hermione was glad to have cast privacy spells at the onset of their conversation because she watched in slow motion as Harry collapsed to the floor on his knees. "How—could—I have—been—so damn—careless!" Every word was accompanied with a blow to the kitchen floor with is non-wand hand and he didn't stop. Shock kept Hermione rooted to the spot as her best friend just kept punching the floor.
I knew this was underneath all that stuff about being a bad friend, but I didn't think it tearing him up this much, and I thought my mind was a mess… Why are you just standing here then you idiot, snap out of it!
The unmistakable sound of bones breaking finally made Hermione move and she rushed over to Harry's side just in time see him sobbing uncontrollably like floodgates burst open. Hermione sagged to Harry's level and pulled him into the tightest embrace she could.
"It's all my fault, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" He repeated in a strangled voice over and over through anxious sobs, hugging against Hermione in a full-blown panic attack, his eyes closed even though the tears kept coming.
Her voice was soft and consoling in his ear. "Shhhh… Oh, Harry! Your whole body is shaking, try taking deep, slow breaths… Shhhh…" Even as she tried to soothe him, he just kept crying, his body almost dead weight against hers, as her hand supported his head stroking his hair as if soothing a small child "I know, I know, it's okay Harry, I'm okay!"
She did know, Hermione knew exactly why he had completely fallen apart… She'd seen and heard it in his mind earlier when they kept eye contact when Harry told her to look at him… It was stacked on top of everything else he'd talked about, but she had a rule about Legilimency… Never to bring up Harry or Ron's difficult thoughts or memories before they brought them themselves. Not that she got them intentionally, but the eye contact here was focused long enough that Harry's chaotic mind was an open book. She was going to have to seriously consider bending that rule to prevent any future self-harm as she'd just witnessed.
When he finally spoke again Harry voiced what she already knew, riddled with despair. "You got tortured with the Cruciatus curse by Bellatrix and could have to cope with that for the rest of your life; you and Ron could have died!"
Hermione was gently dismissive. "You can't… I won't let you blame yourself for what happened to me, Harry! I wasn't going to save myself and leave you and Ron to kill each other or get killed. Not this year, or any point in the last seven years!"
"I can't let it go, Hermione, without the three of you I'd have nothing left worth living for." Those words croaked out helplessly like the thought itself made Harry choke on the air in his lungs.
That admission broke Hermione's heart because she knew it was true if anything happened to Ginny, herself, or Ron… Harry would never recover, his soul might as well be sucked out at that point because that would be worse than death anyway. Thank god the war was over.
He'd finally stopped shaking, she whispered consolingly. "You don't have to worry about that anymore and Teddy is still there, remember even if that did happen before or God forbid after the war, you have him." That slowly steadied Harry.
Hermione pulled back and looked at Harry cautiously… He was disheveled but seemed to have regained some composure; his non-wand hand was clearly broken, and his face was red behind exhausted, guilt-ridden eyes and it was only early morning, it was an awful sight.
They sat cross-legged in front of each other on the floor now.
"Sorry…" He said pathetically.
"Don't be, you needed to get that out, it's not your fault." She was insistent.
He shook his head sounding no less dejected. "There's a lot that isn't my fault Hermione, but Malfoy Manor and Godric's Hollow were completely my fault and I don't know if I will ever get over it."
Hermione squeezed his hand consolingly. "You should try, the war is over and all three of us love you too much to see you continue to beat yourself, and I love you too much to see you do it literally like that ever again."
Harry nodded obediently. "That's why I lost it Hermione; I love you as much as I reckon it is possible to love a girl without fancying them and yet I'm responsible for you getting tortured." He had self-disgust all over his face now.
"Me too as boys go, which is why I need you to let breaking the taboo go. She decided to bring up the locket to bond over the absurdity of its effects on Ron. "Let's talk about the fact that the Horcrux twisted our relationship to make Ron think that I fancied you which just makes me want to vomit."
"I'll try, and at least you didn't have to see the most disgusting bit of snogging ever, I nearly did vomit, I'm sure your good at it, but I don't care to ever find out." Said Harry dully as he finally got up and sat in a chair again.
"Same, not even for a giant load of Gallons." Said Hermione adamantly, getting up too. She looked at his injured hand. "Let me do something about this." She pulled out her wand, he nodded bracing himself… Hermione said clearly. "Ferula!" Instantly his hand was splinted in bandages and the throbbing sensation was bearable. "And just for good measure, Tergeo!" Harry felt his damp hand turn dry, with the assumption leftover blood was now gone. She repeated the same on the floor.
"Thanks, but why not just mend it outright? Ginny is going to get be miffed when she sees."
Hermione was blunt. "Oh, I know she will maybe that will keep you from physically harming yourself, house-elves doing that is disturbing enough. I don't need you making it a habit too. Plus, after what happened in second year, I'm not taking any chances trying to mend your bones outright."
Harry noticed the worry that still was still on her face, he nodded. "I don't know what comes over me."
Hermione put a hand on his face, quite melancholy. "Listen Harry, I knew coping after the war would be hardest for you, and I expect it will be for the rest of your life." She looked at Harry's half-finished bowl of food and pushed it expectantly toward him. "Finish eating." She said squeezing his uninjured but scarred hand from his fifth-year detentions,before opening her book again.
"I'd ask why you are reading that but we both know why." He was eating again.
She was clearly exasperated. "It's so stupid, she is dead so I should be able to get past it, but I can't, and I don't know why!"
He sighed, pausing in between bites, looking subdued again. "The same reason I can't just act happy even though Voldemort is dead, and the war is over. I've cried more the last few days since the war ended than I have my whole life." He held her arm gently, sounding sadly realistic. "It's not anything to be ashamed of Hermione… The screams echoing down to the cellar were agonizing to hear." Harry was anxious again. "Other than Fred's death, it's the only time I have ever seen Ron distraught. I just thank Merlin Bellatrix had to hold back and was afraid of Voldemort's wrath, it could have been much worse."
Hermione was still dismissive. "Ginny had it much worse than me and she's doing better than I am with it." She sighed. "I figured I could learn about PTSD like anything else so I made a pitstop by myself yesterday before we went back to the Borrow to locate a Muggle medical center, I don't think they will miss it, but I used a memory charm to make the attendant think I bought it." She bowed her head guiltily. "I hope you're right Harry, I forget everything until I snap out of reliving that torture. After the battle was over, Ron had to fetch me out of the shower because I turned into a small child, wailing, and shaking on the floor. That's been the worst one so far, it is so awful and scary. I don't want to lose my mind, it's everything I am." Hermione's words were small and melancholy in admission.
"You are not weak Hermione, try to let yourself rest."
Hermione smiled rather girlishly. "I can't sleep without Ron, it's the only way I'm not thinking about everything, but time will make it easier, on all of us I'm starting to believe that."
Harry nodded in complete agreement. "That's Ginny for me… I just feel at peace with her. Fifth year is when we were closer and became friends separate from Ron."
"Add a little jealous the following year and the, she's just Ron's little sister, glass finally shattered in your head." Said Hermione teasingly.
"Yeah, I really was oblivious, wasn't I?" He shrugged.
"Hard not to be with all her brothers in your ear most of the time, but I knew you would eventually take Ginny seriously." She grinned with the same look on her face as when she answered questions correctly, during lessons and exams, her giddy excitement over being right.
Harry smiled tempering her. "Okay matchmaker, I was at least was aware she smelled nice before the jealousy shattered the glass, Ginny was part of what Amortentia smells like to me."
"Wow, I smelled Ron's hair and you were allured by Ginny." They both blushed at the commonality.
Harry shrugged. "Once you fancy a Weasley the only thing you can do is fall helplessly in love with them." Said Harry in a matter of fact voice, a distracted smile on his face as his thoughts drifted to Ginny.
"Yeah once they get in your head you can't get them out…" She had a love-struck expression, no doubt thinking about Ron. After a moment she caught herself. "Anyway, I think I will try for that rest you mentioned, you should too."
Harry caught himself too, standing up again. "Thanks, for well… Everything, I just had a lot of regret about how one sided our friendship has been, but I'm going do better." He pulled Hermione into a hug.
She squeezed gently with her arms around his back, her response emphatic. "I would do it all again in a second because even though I know I don't fancy you, I sure as hell love you Harry Potter!"
"I sure as hell love you too Hermione."
Ginny was miffed about Harry's broken hand as expected. Her eyes widened noticing it after the smell of leftover food coaxed her awake.
"What happened to your hand and why do you look exhausted and bloodshot!" She asked in alarm, sitting up automatically and rubbing her eyes.
"I had another episode, but I brought food!" He smiled as though hoping the news of food would distract her, unfortunately for Harry Ginny wasn't like Ron in this regard.
"How kind of you, now tell me how you managed to have an emotional fit this bad first thing in the morning." Said Ginny acidly.
"Well, Hermione and I were talking about the year you know, and I just sort of unloaded about how much I took her for granted and got us captured and taken to Malfoy's where Bellatrix tortured, and next thing I know I was punching the kitchen floor until my hand broke, and then I completely fell apart in her arms. I think she was shocked and to be honest so was I."
"So, you are a house-elf now is that it? Punishing yourself out of guilt." She had a slightly less angry tone now.
He shrugged. "I can't help it Gin, I don't know how to handle guilt any other way. When Sirius died, I broke, kicked or punched everything in Dumbledore's office, anger and sadness are my cycles with guilt."
"That's fine Harry, but the destruction of property and harming yourself is where I draw the line, we need to figure out a better way for you to release your guilt." She took the food now. "I am guessing Hermione left your hand in a splint to, so you don't make things like this a habit?"
"Pretty much, though losing all the bones in my arm in my second year…" He trailed off unwilling to fall into another unpleasant memory.
"Right, that stupid buffoon Lockheart…" She sighed, "Thanks for bringing me food. I love Mum's beef stew.
"Yup, we did miss dinner after all, sorry about that by the way." He said apologetically.
Her expression was a dismissive smile. "You don't have to apologize Harry. I could survive several nights without food… I'm not Ron."
There was silence while she ate… Harry just sat next to her lost in how beautiful she looked even on just waking up, when she finished, she sat cross-legged on her bed and beckoned Harry to do the same. He obeyed without a word.
She folded her arms. "What am I going to do with you, Harry Potter…" It was a passive remark.
"I will accept whatever punishment you deem necessary." He said rather regretfully, bowing his head.
Ginny shook her head. 'You punish yourself enough already and Merlin knows you had enough neglect and abuse from those wretched relatives you had to stay with for nearly all your life until this past summer." She had a sad smile. "You were just above malnourished when my brothers had to rescue you from there before my first year. It broke my heart a bit."
He sighed. "I was given just enough food every day not to starve unless of course I made them angry or threatened Dudley with magic, then they wouldn't hesitate to starve me. Same for the last three or four years before I found out I was a wizard. Any accidental magic and I was starved except for scraps like a dog." Harry's tone was dull and removed as if this were the normal treatment of a child.
"What?" Said Ginny in quiet shock. "When you probably were scared out of your wits and couldn't control it!" She was outraged.
"They thought they could stamp it out of me, they didn't."
"Harry that's awful!" Ginny laid back trying to process such cruelty to a child.
"Hey, it's okay." He stretched out next to her making them close together.
Ginny took his uninjured hand, turning her head to meet his face. "It scares me that you think near-starvation was okay."
"Course it wasn't, but I was used to that. Better than being bullied and abused anyway, my Cousin and Uncle did plenty of that.
"These people, wasn't there anyone else you could have stayed with?" Asked Ginny desperately, blinking back tears.
Harry shook his head. "I needed the strongest magical protection possible… Dumbledore knew about my mother's sister and placed the blood bond on me, her taking me in, even unwillingly, invoked the magic and fortified my mother's sacrificial protection… As long as I could still call Privet Drive home no evil could touch me."
"At the word home, Ginny lost the will to keep her tears from slipping down her face. "That Harry, it wasn't a home, it was a prison. A place to exist, but not to live!" Her voice breaking now. "You had no love, for 10 years!"
"I needed to be far away from Death Eaters." He said rationally.
Ginny sounding both sad and annoyed. "What about a decent childhood!" She held his cheek sniffing through steady tears now. "Dumbledore made all these plans to keep you safe until you were back within the magical world but didn't think about what state you would be in when you finally got here. You were his chess piece Harry; he sacrificed your happiness because you were a prophesied savior!"
Harry shrugged this off. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown, right? Life isn't fair."
Ginny met his forehead feeling anxious and heartbroken. "It might not be fair, but no child should suffer mental or physical abuse and neglect for 10 years. There were plenty of wizards and witches perfectly capable of protecting you that wouldn't have had you living in cupboard under the stairs or barred your bedroom shut and starved you!" She rolled slowly on top of Harry now and stroked his hair, trying to regain her composure. "I'm sorry," She whispered apologetically. "it's just, it amazes me that you are such a kind, empathic man when you received no kindness, no love for 10 years. I am in love you so much Harry!"
Harry stroked her hair gently, a quiet response. "I might not have had a happy childhood or known love like most kids do, but things have been pretty good since my 11th birthday. Besides, Gin… you've loved me more than enough by yourself just by quietly waiting for me to pull my head out of my arse and notice how special you are. I feel it from you every day."
"You deserve to feel special Harry Potter and not because your famous, but because your you, and I love you."
Ginny met Harry's lips and kissed, or rather snogged him like she had on the day of his 17th birthday… No this was far more than that occasion. Emphatically and with her tongue, engulfing his mouth with heat and passion. It was like it was coming from her soul… Until now in his sparse romantic life, all Harry ever felt was butterflies in his stomach, of various sizes… Small, in fancying Cho, much larger in fancying Ginny, morphing into moths rather quickly in the brief time they dated… No this made him tight, and… not anywhere near his stomach, it was distinctly in his groin and it made him groan because he certainly hadn't felt anything that immediate or intense happen to him.
Ginny stopped in concern; her voice hesitant. "Harry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just— "
"What? No!" He said quickly. "I just never felt anything like that…" He trailed off trying to shift a little to avoid further awkwardness.
"Oh…" She was suddenly aware of his boner. "You've never…?"
He turned red from embarrassment, mumbling quietly. "Just stomach stuff… I think… I don't really have much to go on, but I know that something that intense hasn't happened uh...there, sorry." He said apologetically.
Harry took advantage of Ginny moving off his body enough that it allowed him to bolt off her bed.
"Harry, it's okay, that's normal…" She'd got off the bed and put her arms around his neck. She reminded him casually. "I have six brothers remember, I'm more than familiar with that… Sad to say I've caught them tending to themselves too often, but there's only one bathroom here so it's a living hazard automatically."
"Right." He said, trying to act like he was on the same page. "I guess I'm just tired."
Ginny looked at him with concern. "Okay, we'll just go back to sleep then, I don't want to force you to snog if you're tired."
So they did, spooning next to each other, her arm draped over his chest as she snuggled into him from behind stroking his hair with one hand while they locking her other into his uninjured one.
Privately Ginny was confused by the cover up even though it was probably partly true that Harry was tired… Still, did he not realize that she really didn't care, she just finished telling him how much she was in love him… She wanted to shag him so badly and yet he seemed extra self conscious about being caught off guard from getting a full boner in her presence. Unless… it didn't have anything to do with her. Maybe he genuinely wasn't used to it and thought he should be at nearly 18. How did she know he even fully understood that butterflies in the stomach feeling, let alone his body's sexual urges and responses? Something told Ginny that Harry Potter didn't have time to think about such things with having Voldemort to worry about for so long… That didn't bother her, not in the slightest, but it certainly bothered him. Now the only question was what to do about it? At any rate, Ginny knew she wasn't going to solve this now so she saved it for later and let herself fall asleep holding Harry, sadly reminded that he was both older and younger than his age because of what was present and absent from his life experiences.
A few hours later, a little after 10 am, there was the familiar shout of Mrs. Weasley announcing breakfast waking everyone. They always wondered how she had the stamina to cook multiple meals for nine or more people over the last seven years… Mr. Weasley and Percy had already left for the Ministry of Magic, their duties having temporarily shifted to help Kingsley cope with the war's immediate aftermath. Everyone else was there except George… Mornings seemed to be the hardest for him and he often didn't get out of bed until midday or later. Charlie and Bill (Fleur joining him this morning) were still on vacation. That meant that eight total people were now gathered at the Borrows kitchen table. Harry, with Ginny and Hermione on either side of him. Ron with Hermione and Bill on either side and finally Mrs. Weasley who sat between Fleur on one side and Charlie on the other. Molly stood up to speak when everyone got seated.
"Well, I know this is all very sudden and things have been rather chaotic over the last few days since the war ended, but I just wanted to gather almost everyone together, a big breakfast, appreciate the family that is still alive. Speaking of that…" She turned her attention directly to Harry (who fought down a blush of embarrassment) lifting her glass. "Harry, it will never be lost on me that you have saved one third of our family. My only daughter, at 12, my husband at 15, and my youngest son at 16… I have lost three family members to Voldemort's reign of terror and I thank you, Hermione, and Ron for putting an end to his madness before he stole anymore family members from me… I know I can be very reactionary but know that I am very glad that you and Ginny are together. Same goes for Ron and Hermione. I could not be more grateful that you both picked my youngest children to be with because they have many flaws that I believe only you two could tolerate routinely." These words had a noticeable levity that made Ron and Ginny roll their eyes, while the others openly laughed; Harry and Hermione exchanged broad grins with each other. Once the laughter died down Mrs. Weasley continued feeling emotional. "Harry, you have dealt with and suffered through burdens and loss so immensely cruel that it would break the average human completely whether they had magic or not. I am amazed by your fortitude in the face of that cruelty and I hope that this family has at least given you some sense of normalcy with everything you have gone through in the last 17 years. You, and Hermione, are as much members of this family as my own flesh and blood… There will always be room for you at the Burrow. Now let's toast to better days ahead, starting with a nice family breakfast."
Harry was uncharacteristically emotional during Molly's speech… Here she was again praising him for saving family members lives when those occasions were just luck. Ginny was watching him briefly with a sharp eye like she knew his exact thoughts and placed a firm, yet soft hand on a shoulder… He smiled at her genuinely and she smiled back and then set to fill their plates eating amid conversation with everyone else.
"Did the others really have to go into the Ministry Mum?" Asked Charlie, thinking about Percy and his father.
"Oh yes." She said rather subdued. "Kingsley is trying but he really doesn't have enough experience to manage so much chaos by himself. Constant hounding from the press, pockets of extremists in various parts of Britain, locating in the wind Death Eaters, and of course, spreading word of Voldemort's defeat to the rest of world because he really did stretch internationally in terms impact."
"Figures, defeat Voldemort and he leaves a whole mess of problems behind." Said Charlie irritability.
"Just because the war is over does not mean it is peaceful. Even France is quite restless at this point. Nobody who was on the front lines should be forced to put on a happy face." Said Fleur with melancholy.
Her English was getting better, but it was clear she still had trouble with larger words and certain pronouns and prepositions.
"How is George, Mum?" Asked Bill delicately.
"Won't get out of his bed until midday, I think he's still in a good deal of shock." Molly gave a heavy sigh. I brought a plate up to his room."
Harry felt compelled to apologize again. "Mrs. Weasley, everyone I'm sorry I couldn't save Fred if I'd have been fighting from the start like everyone else— "
Ginny cut Harry off with a sharp response. "Don't you start with the self-blame again. Fred made his choice and he would rip you a new one for you thinking it was your fault!"
"I know, it's just there should be nine Weasleys and George should have his twin brother!" Said Harry feeling dejected.
Molly echoed this sentiment much more softly. "Harry dear, Ginny's right… The last thing Fred would want is for you to blame yourself. You have enough to cope with already." She was emotional again. "Besides, half the family would be dead if not for you. It still keeps me up at night knowing my only daughter was nearly sacrificed so that monster could come back."
"Mum, you never told me that." Said Ginny in a delicate guilty voice.
She shrugged. "I try to forget… The point is Harry, if you want me to stop saying thank you, when this family would be much worse off if not for you… Well, there's no chance of that ever happening."
"Alright Mrs. Weasley." Said Harry giving a conceding smile.
After a while of silent eating Charlie turned to Bill with an eager face. "Okay, Bill I'm sorry, but since I work with dragons, I have to know if the rumors are true."
"What rumors?" Said Bill playing dumb even though he knew exactly where things were going.
"Did my youngest brother and his best friends really rob the Lestrange vault and break out on a Gringotts Dragon?" He asked sounding like an over-excited teenager.
Bill's answer was cut off by the sound of Harry, Ron, and Hermione choking on their latest bite of food.
"I think," said Ginny with a wry smile as she thumped Harry gently on the back. "That's a yes."
"Bill," Said Harry desperately as he exchanged anxious looks with Ron and Hermione. "How did the details get out?"
"Goblins don't care about protecting the anonymity of people who break into Gringotts Harry. They kept the information to themselves until the war was over. Believe me that alone is a sign of how much they respect you. Anyone else probably would been killed the next time they set foot in Gringotts."
"Self-righteous gits Goblins." Said Ron irritably.
"Don't make a comment like that when you go to Gringotts to make your apology in the future Ron." Snapped Bill warningly. "They may very well kill you and I don't need my youngest brother dead because he can't keep his mouth shut."
"Sorry Bill." Said Ron nodding obediently.
"I can't believe it's true!" Mrs. Weasley seemed desperate for someone to say that something so dangerous was made up by the Prophet.
"You have a terrible tendency for danger with dragons Harry." Said Fleur with an expression that was equal parts concern and amusement. "I was quite impressed with your courage getting past the Horntail by flying on a broom when it could have burned it to ashes, and at 14 no less. Just one of many more impressive feats. Not the least of which included rescuing my dear sister when you did not have to… I only wish I would not have been so foolish to believe she vas in real danger."
Harry grinned at her, also thinking of Hagrid's pet dragon from his first year. "Thanks, Fleur."
Ginny looked at Harry with a knowing smile. "Saving the sister is Harry's specialty… It's a shame that it didn't fast track us being together though." Said Ginny teasingly, though her pout of disappointment was real enough that Harry gave her an apologetic smile.
Ron cut in mockingly. "Well to be fair Ginny, you definitely didn't help yourself by being so fan-girly, but let's be honest your real mistake was the Val— Oi!" "Hermione kicked Ron hard in the shin as Ginny's expression turned livid.
"Mum, can I be excused?" Her voice was flat.
"Of course, dear. I'll save yours for later." Her mother hid her concern, but she knew that whatever remark Hermione had cut off from Ron, had fueled her daughter's abrupt departure from the table,
"Thanks, Hermione could you come with me? I've been practicing nonverbal casting and could use your help."
Hermione knew instantly that this was a lie and that Ginny just wanted girl talk… She nodded and followed her upstairs, though she shot a look back over her shoulder at Ron that said, nice going!
Once safely in her room Ginny sat cross-legged on her bed. Her expression and inflection were unusually subdued. "Sometimes, I really hate that I have six brothers, or I guess it's five now."
Hermione took the same position, looking sympathetic. "I'm sure it isn't easy."
Tears stung at Ginny's eyes. "They have all been teasing me about being in love with Harry since I was five and they are completely oblivious to how much I hate that I ever sent Harry that stupid singing valentine. I'm so bloody tired of it." Her voice was a controlled sob.
"Ginny, your brothers teasing you doesn't normally affect you to the point of crying." Said Hermione gently.
Hermione's inflection left an invitation for Ginny to elaborate.
"That humiliation, it's what lured me back to the Diary. I'm just sick of the constant reminder from my brothers and my mother that my feelings were enough that my soul was almost exchanged for Voldemort." Anger mixed with her crying now.
"Why not let Harry know that this is bothering you? I'm sure he understands being possessed and scarred by him Voldemort much better than I do."
"I didn't want him to think I'm still that pathetic 11-year-old girl."
Hermione raised her eyebrows for a moment shaking her head. "He doesn't think that, and I don't think that's what is going on. The same way I don't think you got so angry with your Mum because she accused you of using a love potion on Harry. "
Ginny wiped her eyes and pulled a bag out of her desk drawer with familiar plant leaves in it. One look at the bag of Silphium and Hermione understood Ginny's overreaction completely.
"Oh, you're thinking of— okay, well that explains a lot, you've got that on your mind and Ron set you off."
Ginny's voice became quiet, she nodded slowly. "I want to shag Harry so badly Hermione. I just don't know if I should be spontaneous about it or bring it up in advance, he's likely to panic either way." She sighed. "I know that this is awkward for you, but it's not like I can go to my brothers or my parents."
She shook her head. "It's okay, I understand that would be much more awkward. First things first… Are you sure that you are ready to have sex, Ginny?" She asked patiently.
"Yes, completely, but I can't help but think about how Harry, I mean he panicked this morning when he got a full boner while we were snogging and we still had our clothes on, he didn't seem like he'd had one before and or he wasn't used to it at all." She sighed. "That doesn't matter to me obviously, but it's going to make himself conscious, his lack of familiarity mean he's familiar with snogging and I think that's because he's seen other people do it before he did it himself. She continued with a measure of pity in her voice. "I mean how much does he actually know aboutall the stuff the rest of learn about from our parents when puberty hits? I think if he were used to this sort of stuff he wouldn't have been so surprised this morning. Maybe I'm being mental…"
Hermione shook her head in sad agreement. "No, you're not mental. All that sort of stuff has been the last thing on his mind. Take you for example, your scent is in Amortentia for him. Slughorn's first potions lesson at the beginning of our sixth year and it still took seeing you snogging Dean up close to make Harry fully aware of his attraction to you."
"I only knew about the second bit, not the first. I can't believe he smells my scent from Amortentia, I smell him…" She was swooning now.
Hermione bit her lip nervously realizing she slipped up again. "Oh no, I just keep sticking my foot in my mouth when it comes to you two." She tilted her head. "I just meant that I except Harry's knowledge of typical things we learned growing up is either limited to what he's seen, or he has very limited knowledge or experience to draw from about it, especially relationships and sexual everything that goes on with that."
Ginny gave a sad smile. "That's probably true. I remember the Yule Ball; how skittish he was both in trying to get a date, and for the brief time he was dancing… Looked like if he could have bolted from the room he would have. I would have gone with him, but I was still his best friend's only and youngest sister at the time, I think Ron might have influenced that a little too much though.
Hermione gave a small but sad nod. "Honestly, these sorts of things are a bit rough for Harry, your first kiss is an exception because it was situationally favorable and adrenaline kept him from overthinking too much, that's when he struggles…She frowned. "It's awful to know that Harry's childhood was anything but normal, but he couldn't have learned much of anything under those circumstances.
Ginny nodded in sad agreement. "Yeah, even small bits of affection, sometimes he seemed to think that if he kissed me or held me close the universe would know he was happy and make him pay."
Hermione sighed sadly. "The universe has been quite cruel to him so it's understandable."
Ginny nodded. "I had him relaxed before he put us on hiatus to save the world and he'll probably have regressed since we've been apart for a year."
"What happened this morning when he, you know…" Asked Hermione delicately.
Ginny shrugged not entirely sure; her eyes narrowed in concentration. "Well, I heard him sort of grunt uncomfortably and I thought I moved in a bad way on top of him, he's rather skinny you know. Plus, he was squirming a bit, so I thought he was trying to move to get more comfortable… That's when I realized, um… I'd rung his bell very loudly…" Ginny's face flushed and crossed her legs tighter together.
"Ah," Said Hermione, with a knowing smile. "Do I need to cast aguamenti on you? Hermione quipped in a playfully mocking tone.
Ginny threw her pillow at Hermione who effortlessly made it float back to its usual spot on the bed before it had hit her face. Apparently, she could now make objects fly without a wand or incantation.
"Show off… Said Ginny giving Hermione a brief stink eye, she grinned as Ginny continued. "The point is, I reckon that hasn't happened to Harry much, if ever. She sighed sounding sympathetic now. He was embarrassed… I don't know why he feels self-conscious."
"I expect it's because he has never felt anything beyond, how to put it, butterflies in the stomach. Familiarity is very important to boys Ginny." Said Hermione with a shrug, "Do you think he was guided through adolescence in that wretched place he lived, or even had time for dating or to be intimate on any level at Hogwarts?" She asked expectantly.
Ginny shook her head, beginning to follow Hermione's overall point. "Voldemort didn't leave him much time for all that."
Hermione nodded sadly. "Exactly, his only other romantic interaction with a girl other than you was Cho." Hermione sighed and folded her arms. "That was a disaster didn't help Harry's confidence at all, but honestly Cho wasn't a real relationship anyway."
"You don't have to downplay Cho for my benefit." Said Ginny sounding removed from where the conversation had gone.
Hermione gave a dismissive shrug and chuckled. "I'm not, I know you think that they snogged but that's debatable to me honestly. The way he talked about it gave me the impression that it was just an awkward bit of kissing. Besides that, their first date was their last, she wanted to talk about Cedric. One thing led to another and they ended up bickering over the jinx I placed on the DA sign up parchment in case anyone ratted us out, which her friend unfortunately did. He defended me and that was it for them."
Ginny chuckled, not that she felt sorry for Cho, she was quite miffed at her, to be honest. "Harry has a list of subjects he avoids. Sirius and Cedric top that list because he blames himself for their deaths, your torture is on that list now too I am sure." She sighed. "The last thing Harry has the patience to be is an emotional sounding board, we're an exception obviously but that is because our problems are relatable to his. If he feels like he can't relate, he pulls the conversation to something he is comfortable discussing and I'm sure that didn't go over well with Cho."
Hermione sighed bowing her head sadly. "Exactly, most of us had a childhood, got to focus on being teenagers. Not Harry, he had nothing except 17 years of burdens, neglect, and abuse that he will carry with him for the rest of his life. What makes it all so horrible is it's not his fault at all. Voldemort, Dumbledore that damn prophecy and his awful relatives stole his entire childhood!" Hermione felt angry tears welling in her eyes now. Harry's been little more than an object to most people, a pawn, or a threat to their plans. Doing that to a child… Robing Harry of all these normal experiences… I hate them all for it!"
Ginny gave Hermione a knowing look. "You really love Harry, even though you've never fancied him, don't you?"
She smiled feeling emotional. "I really do, he told me the same thing much earlier this morning… He got in his head that he's been a lousy friend the last seven years and apologized to me for it."
Harry blames himself for everything." Said Ginny shaking her head.
Hermione's expression was pained. "Yes, if there's one thing Harry is disturbingly good at its self-blame."
Ginny nodded with a long sigh, shifting the subject back to its origin. "Anyway, I don't want to make him feel pressured like Cho did and that was just a simple date…"
She was sympathetic and reassuring. "You're not like Cho, she was hypersensitive to everything before Cedric died and then after his death became an emotional mess, and stupidly expected Harry to know how to respond to that like he was a shrink. Hermione was sarcastic and mockingly unapologetic now… "Oh, Harry please help me process Cedric's death but let's give it a go at the same time! Yeah, put that on the shoulders of a boy that's the walking poster child for death and loss, who didn't even get parental affection for 10 years. The last thing Harry wants is a constant reminder of Cedric's death, just plain stupid of her really."
"Spot on impression Hermione." Said Ginny with amused laughter.
Hermione sighed guiltily. "Look the point is… I expect he's further behind compared to the average person at 17 going on 18. Sure, he picked up various things just from seeing and hearing things at Hogwarts, but there is no substitute for the knowledge our parents provide us with during adolescence. It'll be both your first time, but you will at least have a factual knowledge of everything, including shagging. Harry, through no fault of his own, didn't have the luxury, or the time to concern himself with such things, which is quite sad…"
Ginny sighed. "You do think he'll be nervous then?"
Hermione bit her lip as if deciding how blunt to be. Finally, she spoke anxiously. "Oh, if he was self-conscious about nearly seeding off during clothed snogging… Then I expect he'll be quite nervous about anything else, let alone shagging!" She finished tilting her head apologetically.
Ginny groaned. "Credit for not sugarcoating it Hermione."
She held one of Ginny's arms looking rather subdued again. "I'm sorry, but it won't help you if I'm not honest." She started looking down at her hands moving her fingers against each other rather fast as she continued. "I've been around him almost constantly since 11 and seen how he acts about regular affection. It took him years to get used to me and still even now, I try to let him initiate verbally or physically because anytime I don't he's very embarrassed. Of course, if it's just the two of us he's a lot more comfortable now than seven years ago, you should have seen the first time I hugged him, at 11. Oh, he was so flustered I don't think he'd gotten a hug from a girl his age at all at that point, but I thought he might die going after the stone and just couldn't help it, the recurring theme of this conversation is Harry needs time to get used to whatever sense of normalcy he'll have now that the war is over."
Ginny nodded. "17 years of abnormal being Harry's life really set him back quite a bit all the way around now that he's got a chance for normalcy I want to be his biggest sense of it."
Hermione looked at Ginny again, resting her head against an elbow. "You will… Still, romantic, or sexual behavior and intimacy is a whole other can of flubberworms, especially for Harry. Yes, he's nearly 18 but I'd guess his familiarity here is probably that of a boy at 13, plus or minus a year maybe. I know I sound like a know it all, but if his brief stint with Cho and few months with you are any indication I think it's safe to assume Harry is more less a fish out of water."
Hermione felt guilty analyzing her best friend so bluntly, but she really believed her observations were sound and would be beneficial to Ginny and seven years of being around him really did count for a lot.
The redhead sounded receptive and determined in response. Time is key then, with time spent more intimately more often he will be fine. Harry just lacks confidence?"
Hermione beamed. "Confidence, knowledge, and experience with all the stuff we take for granted in our adolescence. I fight the urge to find and hex his miserable Aunt and Uncle for that. They did nothing but neglect and abuse him." She frowned sympathetically. "Harry was not anywhere near as fortunate, anything he's learned is likely from your brothers, which isn't exactly the best substitute for someone that isn't used to normal circumstances."
Ginny nodded agreeably. "My brothers, except Ron, and maybe Bill would give Harry a hard time about this, and it's not like he would go to them anyway because their sister is his girlfriend." She clenched her fists. "As for his so-called relatives, I would find a way to make the Bat Bogey Hex permanent if Harry weren't sure to shrug off how much he suffered thanks to those miserable people."
Hermione was rather subdued again. "That's because he is numb to it, I used to wonder why Harry was oblivious to so many of the normal things happening around him and I realized it's because he spent a decade alone. Not just alone, but bullied, abused, and neglected… Unloved in any way. I know I keep saying this, but could you imagine if you grew up like that?" Hermione severely shuttered at the thought. "It's enough to make anyone inept in all aspects of affection and relationships."
Ginny couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly sorry for Harry. She sighed deeply. "Yeah, I reckon shagging from Harry's perspective is probably like…" She thought hard for a comparison. "If you had to play Seeker Hermione, when you are rubbish on a broom."
Hermione agreed. "Yes, something like that. I'm sureHarrywouldn'tmind um, learning from you… You can be his sense of normal in all kinds of ways… That's a special thing Ginny,."
Ginny felt emotional again. "The worst experiences with Harry, would still be better than the best experiences with anyone else. It doesn't matter what we're doing. I knew, when we were apart for a year and I only fell deeper in love with Harry that I wanted this and eventually the rest of my life with him."
Hermione squeezed Ginny's hand encouragingly. She sounded wistful as she spoke again. "Then Harry aside, you don't want to waste time afraid of he reacts. Ron and I fell into that trap when all we had to do was admit our feelings… It made us both irrational and miserable."
"This is shagging Hermione, no offense but it's a lot bigger a thing then you and my brother playing relationship chicken for three plus years."
"That's exactly my point Ginny!" Said Hermione with exasperation. "Don't be afraid to tell Harry exactly what you're thinking about. If you are ready to shag let him know. Consider his perspective and how to make him feel comfortable taking that step, but don't put off bringing this up because you're afraid." She sighed, digging her fingers into the bedspread with her head bowed. "It took Ron and I six years to stop denying our feelings and another year to have the courage to be together. That's way too long to be afraid of loving someone. Ginny, you two are soulmates by the very laws of magic and its ties to nature. Take it slow and that part of your relationship will be fine."
"Okay, okay I'm sorry…" She was struck by sudden inspiration. "You're right, I could work up to that and then make his 18th birthday special. I know that's Muggle adulthood and Merlin knows Harry's awful relatives never cared one bit about his birthdays.
"You're fine Ginny, and I'm sure that would be the kind of birthday he'll always remember and he certainly doesn't have any that special."
Ginny had that hard-blazing look now. "I just want to show Harry that he is special. The fame might have sparked me fancying him when I was a child, but loving him, falling in love with him… Fame doesn't have anything to do with that."
Hermione squeezed Ginny's hand with an optimistic smile. "See that's why everything will sort itself out. That, and with the war over and Voldemort dead. Harry has time for your relationship." She grew a thoughtful look eying the bagged plant that had sparked their whole conversation. "Now, it's just impractical to have to stew Silphium anytime you want to shag once you get there. Luckily, a shield charm works just fine. I'll teach you some nonverbal magic too. We best start with privacy spells for obvious reasons."
Ginny smiled as both girls stood. "Thanks for all your help Hermione, then and now."
"Anytime, Ginny."
Meanwhile back in the kitchen…
Ron had whispered in confusion to Harry. "What's got Ginny so upset? Normally she just snaps back at me about you."
Harry was a bit miffed at Ron himself, covertly muting their conversation with his wand. "You should really cut that out you know, especially after what was in your head because of the you-know-what. You'd think you'd have more empathy to realize that the diary nearly killed her because of that damn moment, it was humiliating for her… She's been in love with me since five, you prat, she put all her heartbreak into it!"
"Shit, I didn't think— "
"Well, maybe you should do that a little more yeah." Ron swallowed and nodded, feeling guilty… Good Harry thought, removing the shared curious or concerned looks but didn't comment.
After some time filled with silent eating, the sound of flu travel filled the kitchen and Luna Lovegood appeared. Harry knew immediately something was wrong… Her eyes were heavy with fatigue and sadness and her hair was a disheveled mess, it looked like she hadn't slept in more than a day.
"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt a meal. I just needed to talk to Harry, and everyone I talked to at Hogwarts said he stays here."
Harry was now sure that something was wrong by the tone of Luna's voice. Gone were her dreamy euphoria and wonderment, replaced with a weighty sadness.
"We'll use the sitting room, come on." Said Harry. What's wrong Luna?" Asked Harry with both foreboding and genuine concern as they sat on the sofa.
"I've lost them both now, just like you have Harry." She bowed her head gave a small but very distraught whimper. "I have no family left…Daddy's dead!"
Tears streamed down Luna's face now and empathy surged through Harry, he knew the pain of losing both parents all too well.
"That's awful Luna… I—I'm sorry." He put his arm around her, and her head found his shoulder, she looked far worse off than Harry initially thought… Thinner and her eyes were bloodshot.
Luna nodded her voice flat. "Yes, it's terribly dreadful. I guess that when he summoned the death eaters hoping to exchange you for me, they thought he had a change of heart and was working with you all." Said Luna in an utterly distraught voice that didn't suit her usually mystical demeanor.
Harry's face drained of color and his voice cracked with guilt. "That's our fault Luna, we hoped that if they saw us before we Disapparated they would not kill him."
She shook her head clarifying. "Oh, no, I miss spoke. It wasn't right after you left our house… I expect word got back after you rescued me, Bellatrix killed him herself because the house is destroyed the house too. I was quite shocked to return to nothing but a mound of rubble. She blew it to tiny bits… I won't even be able to bury his body because that was reduced to bits of flesh when she destroyed the house."
"How'd you find out?" Asked Harry gently feeling an increasing urge to break his other hand out of guilt.
"I've been at Hogwarts for quite a while even after you rescued me. I couldn't stay home very long, not with the Carrows taking the school over, Daddy gave me his wand before I went back. A few days ago, was the first time I'd been home for a few months… I could see her aura around the rubble of the house, so black I could sense it was her evil and then I know a spell similar to the magic effect of Priori Incantatem, that creates and echo of magical activity in the environment. It was not as strong because it didn't just happen, but I could still see how it all happened." She began to shake violently amid fresh sobs. "Daddy was so scared— and she tortured him—until he was beg-begging to die."
Luna's head sagged helplessly against his chest. All of Harry's usual uncertainty with this or similar situations vanished temporarily. He wound his arms tightly around her, hoping that it was some small comfort to a girl who was normally happy and positive… Luna Lovegood so utterly sad felt entirely unnatural to Harry.
"I'm sorry—she choked out after some time. "It's just—you're the only one I knew that would understand. Both my parents gone. Daddy's only dead because he was trying to save me!"
He was quiet and consoling in her ear. "I do understand and I'm so sorry this happened to you too."
Her eyes were cloudy and unfocused when she finally pulled out of the hug. "I have nowhere to go now and nothing but his wand and the stuff in my trunk at Hogwarts. I'm all alone. If I'd stayed home instead of going back to Hogwarts after you saved me…" She had guilt all over her face.
Harry sighed heavily. "From what you've said I'm glad you weren't there. It seems like Bellatrix was furious and embarrassed after we escaped. You would be dead too and I know your dad wouldn't want that."
"You're right, maybe I'll make a grave where the house used to be like you did for Dobby… I could plant flowers, Daddy loved flowers. Luna managed a small smile. "I spent a bit of time with him after you rescued me, before I went back to Hogwarts, working in our flowerbed." Her spirits were briefly buoyed by that solace…
He gave her reassurance. "That sounds like a great idea. Luna you're not alone, we're all here for you. Mrs. Weasley has no problem taking people into her home, or you can stay at Grimmulad Place, it's mine now after all and there's plenty of space. I'll probably be staying there soon enough anyway. I've been in Mrs. Weasley's hair a bit too long. Right now, though, you should eat because from the look of you, you've forgotten to do that."
"Oh yes I'm probably looking absolutely dreadful likely a nasty infestation of Wrackspurts, thank you, Harry."
He smiled. "Yeah, uh sure thing Luna. Let's get you some food."
News of Xenophilius's death to everyone else had them giving condolences and Mrs. Weasley offering Luna as much food as she could eat and a spare bedroom, for which she was grateful. It seemed that once Luna was encouraged to eat, she took full advantage of the spread, finishing a second plate just as Ginny and Hermione had come back downstairs into the kitchen.
They frowned when they saw how tired and unhealthy Luna looked. "Luna, you're not home?"
"I have no home anymore, and daddy is dead, so I have no parents left either." She said, her voice somber, yet disturbingly matter of fact.
"Oh dear, Luna… We're so sorry!" Both girls hugged her in condolence.
"Yes, it really is quite dreadful." She explained what happened leaving Ginny and Hermione pale as they sat next to Harry and Ron again. "I am quite thankful for all of you though." Luna managed a small smile to everyone.
Hermione looked especially anguished. "I really thought they wouldn't kill him after we Disapparated, and I guess they didn't, but to think that Bellatrix actually blew up your life, it's awful!" She sobbed quietly with her head in her arms.
"Yes, it is very sad."
"Mione, you did what you could with the circumstances, I'm just sorry your father was blown up after being killed Luna." He had started rubbing Hermione's back to comfort her.
I'm just glad Ginny wasn't one of her victims too." Luna smiled serenely at her best friend.
"Only by an inch." Said Ginny dully.
Harry was suddenly tense. "Don't remind me… I was going to kill her myself, but Molly knocked me over and beat me to it."
"Thank heavens you stepped in afterwards. I thought I was dead for sure, but it would have been fine to go out that way… Finishing off that evil sadist!" Her face was tight with utter hatred.
"Sure, I don't think it would have worked anyway." When Molly raised her eyebrows, Harry clarified. "I willingly went to what I believed was my death without defending myself to save everyone, sacrificial protection. His magic could not subdue anyone at least I'm certain of that."
"We all thought you were dead." Said Bill with a worn face.
Ginny had taken Harry's hand rather tightly. "I almost died on the spot."
They locked eyes rather fiercely. "I know Gin, your scream… I felt how much I hurt you, and everyone really, thinking I was dead, but like I told you the other night, it was the only way."
She sighed quietly. "I know, but like I told you it was awful, hopefully it's not necessary ever again."
"What do you mean Harry?" Asked everyone else except Ron and Hermione.
"I prefer to keep that private, yes Ron, Hermione and Ginny know and to be honest they are probably the only ones I will ever tell." He said with blunt finality. They all nodded knowing that it was no use to keep pursuing the subject.
Luna commented in her typical fashion for the first time since showing up. "You know, Ginny I can see the magical connection of your soul to Harry's, it is much stronger now than what I saw before I was taken hostage by the Death Eaters. The aura is mostly golden-white. The golden shows extreme magical power: the white means a soul is bonded with yours."
"That's Lily soul, Harry's Mum… My Patronus is her consciousness now." Said Ginny. "You said mostly golden-white, what else?"
Luna quietly spoke in a mesmerized tone. "Your heart overflowing pinks and reds. That means you have intense longing unfulfilled. That could relate to any part of your life." She turned in Ron and Hermione's direction now. "What's interesting is comparing Ginny's connection with Harry to Hermione and Ron.
"What are you talking about? Why?" They said with a curious tone.
Luna answered with increasing interest. "Your hearts are both surround by yellow which shows fulfillment together, though this could be because you have gone through much more to end up together. It's curious the reason for the difference.
"I'm mucking us up." Said Harry dully.
"No Harry, your fine, I just really want to join the Hollyhead Harpies after I finish school, I'm nervous about it."
That was in fact true, even if it had nothing to do with the actual reason for the longing in her heart Luna could detect. Ginny shared a knowing look of with Hemione… The redhead sure as hell wasn't going to publicly announce to anyone, much less most of her family, how much she wanted to shag Harry Potter, nerves would paralyze Harry (not to mention her too) much worse than his trying to get a date for the Yule Ball ever had. Still she felt much more at ease about telling Harry privately, having sought Hermione's advice first.
Harry gave her a reassuring smile. "They'd be mental not to take you Gin."
"Thanks Harry."
Ron finally broke into the conversation an envious expression on his face. "How do you bounce back so quickly like that Luna? You're the most genuinely cheerful and optimistic person I've ever met."
Luna shrugged a bit more subdued again. "Well… I was extremely sad about Daddy at first, but once I steadied myself long enough to remember that being around friends makes me happy I came here and that definitely helped." She shifted her eyes to the ceiling without moving her head. "Besides, I don't like to be sad for too long. It makes it much harder to see the magic that others can't, and Daddy wouldn't want that anyway." She bowed her head. "I do feel tired though, may I go to sleep?"
"Yes, you can use Charlie or Bills old room dear." Said Mrs. Weasley kindly.
Bill answered automatically. "My room is a bit bigger and the least cluttered since I haven't lived here since I was about 19. I'll take you." He stood up to escort her.
Luna stood up too. "Thank you very much Mr. Bill." Luna seemed to think this was the most respectful since he was married.
Ron showed tremendous restraint by fighting a laugh, then engaged Charlie in conversation about his most recent work with Dragons, while others ate or talked with someone else.
Harry whispered to Ginny with concern. "You were gone for quite a bit."
After a subtle moment, their conversation was private from a Muffliato, Ginny already putting some wandless magic that Hermione taught her to good use.
"I needed some girl talk that's all." Said Ginny nonchalantly.
"Sorry, about this morning." Said Harry assumingly.
Ginny looked at him with loving eyes, hoping to convey that even if was Harry was uncertain and confused as their relationship grew more intimate she wouldn't hold that against him, it didn't matter to her.
"Nothing to be sorry about." She said reassuringly. "We'll talk sooner than later I promise."
"It's just I— I'm not really used to that happening…" He trailed off with a removed look.
Ginny leaned into his space whispering gently. "What matters to me is that you're comfortable and if you are not I'll help you get there, as slowly as you need."
"But you've done enough waiting around for me!" He insisted, holding her arm.
How do I help him stop putting so much pressure on himself? "Harry, you won't scare me away. You'd think you figured that out by now." There was a swelling of emotion now.
He smiled sheepishly. 'I'm a slow learner."
"You don't have much to go on and forgot a few months' worth of my lessons, but I'm a patient teacher." Said Ginny, whispering suggestively in his ear, before returning to her food.
Harry was quite sure that was true. Luckily, everyone else was too preoccupied to have noticed their conversation. Soon there was more silence for a while as people continued or finished eating…
Molly was the one who broke the silence again. She spoke quietly, her face fighting sadness. "I hope George will be alright. I don't know if he can go to the funeral, it's on Friday." She sniffed audibly. "We just didn't want to delay it too long, no matter how long we wait it won't make saying goodbye…" She trailed off with a strangled breath.
Now finished eating breakfast, Ron and Bill hugged their mother. "It'll be okay Mum."
Harry deliberately paid attention to what was left of his food, knowing that the only thing more difficult than mourning the death of a loved one was saying that final goodbye…
A/N: I have a lot to say about this chapter…
First, the Harry and Hermione conversation, that was very important to me. I have never seen Harry and Hermione as a romantic pair. Sorry if I potentially anger fans who ship them romantically, but I think that comes from an inability to realize emotional attachment doesn't always lead to romantic love and neither does chemistry. Hermione is more fundamentally compatible with Harry than Ron, but there is no romantic love in their relationship. I do, however, feel a very strong emotional platonic love between them. I believe that Ginny is fully aware of this and is fine with it.
The second conversation between Ginny and Hermione, people might think I'm painting Harry as stupid, that's not my intention. I am however, trying to be realistic about Harry's practical knowledge and comfort level with things like sexual behavior and intimacy and even general affection. I think it's realistic that the circumstances of his life means that he would be lagging some years behind in being comfortable and knowledgeable about such things the rest of us are taught and experience as teenagers, as I point out in the chapter, when has he ever had the guidance or time to truly concern himself with these sorts of normal aspects of life. Halfheartedly observing and hearing things around Hogwarts and hanging around the Burrow or Number 12 doesn't really erase 10 years and six summers with the Dursley's or having to cope from 11-17 with Voldemort and unwanted fame. It helps, but it's far from enough to suggest that Harry has much knowledge about sexual behavior. I believe it's perfectly reasonable to me to assume that Harry through no fault of his own would be both nervous and inept until he, for lack of a better phrase, catches up…
Luna's aura observations are entirely from my own head.
Next chapter will be up sooner rather than later!