A/N: Done with finals, and back with another chapter. For someone who doesn't do fluff at all, this was HARD. But I hope I made it work. Now, are we getting this in the winter premiere? Probably not. Would it cure all of my mental health issues if we did? Yes, absolutely. So here's my take on episode 10.
Have yourself a marry little Christmas.
December 19th.
"You know-" Olivia says as she joins Amanda by the table, handing her one of the cups of coffee before hanging her coat over the back of the chair. "You never told me who made the first move."
Amanda smiles shyly, a soft hum escaping her as she thinks back on that night; The things he said, the way she felt, her lips on his. Finally. "It was me." She confesses.
"You?" The other woman responds, a hint of surprise in her voice as she lifts the cup to her lips. "Always thought it would be him."
Amanda laughs then, but it's not so much about Olivia's honest comment. More about the relief she's feeling from finally being able to talk about this, after keeping it a secret for so long. "He read me the speech he wrote for Fin and Phoebe, and it just…" She trails off, once again pulled back to that fateful moment by the Hudson river.
"What?"
"Made me realize that I was done running away from my feelings." She admits.
"So you went for it." The captain snickers, leaning back in her chair with a strangely proud look on her face.
"Sure did." Amanda gives her a sly smile before taking a sip of her coffee.
"Good for you." Olivia answers with an approving nod. "And now? Everything good?"
Suddenly the blonde's smile is replaced with a wistful expression. "Yeah…"
"But?"
"No, we're good." She quickly confirms when she notices the worry in Oliva's eyes. "Really good. But I'm kinda nervous."
"About?"
"We're spending Christmas Eve with his parents, and-"
"You're worried they won't like you." The brunette interrupts.
"I'm pretty sure I'm not the good Catholic girl they had envisioned for him." Amanda mumbles, followed by that nervous habit of biting down on her lip.
"You make him happy." The captain shrugs. "And you're a mom, you know that's all that matters."
"I know, I just… I want to be good enough for them, for him."
"Trust me, Amanda." Olivia says softly just as she reaches across the table to grab the detective's hand. "You are, more than good enough."
December 24th.
He's busy pulling up the zipper on Billie's coat when Carisi's mother calls his name from the kitchen. "Sonny, sweetheart, can you come in here for a second?"
"Coming, ma!" He pulls the zipper all the way up, adjusting the toddler's beanie one last time before lifting himself up, leaning in to place a quick kiss against Amanda's cheek. "Be right back."
"Aren't you gonna come and say goodbye to the girls?" The ADA asks when he joins her in the kitchen, gesturing towards the hallway where he can hear Jesse giggle from something his father just said.
"I wanted to give you something first." She lowers her voice as she pulls up a small box from the pocket of her cardigan. "This was your nana's."
His brain needs a couple of seconds to comprehend what he's now holding in his hand, but when he opens it, it slowly starts to dawn on him. "Ma…" He mumbles, nearly whispers.
"You don't have to use it right away." She says, keeping her voice equally low as she closes her hands over his, giving both his hand and the box a tight hug. "But don't wait too long." She smirks, nodding in the direction of the hall where they can now hear Amanda's laugh. "I knew the perfect girl would come along eventually."
In that moment, he finds himself too stunned to speak, and barely manages to get the box inside of his coat as his mother starts guiding them out of the kitchen.
"Thank you so much for having us, Mrs. Carisi." Amanda smiles when she sees them returning. "I think I've had enough food to get me through the rest of the year."
"Nonsense." Carisi's mother quips before wrapping her arms around the blonde, holding her for several seconds before letting go. "It was our pleasure."
"And merry Christmas, Mr. Carisi." Amanda says, turning to Carisi's father.
"Ah!" He responds firmly, holding up his hand. "What did I tell you about that name? It's Nicky or papa, nothing else."
"Ok, papa." Amanda laughs while leaning in for a hug.
He squeezes her tight then and mumbles "thank you for making my boy so happy, Amanda", causing tears to well up in her eyes as they break apart. She blinks the tears away quickly, pretending like his words didn't just melt her heart completely.
December 29th.
"No, all I'm saying is that-" Their back and forth banter is effectively interrupted by a sudden knock against the captain's door, followed by Carisi looking from one woman to the other. A careful smile on his face that makes him look equally secretive and guilty.
"Hey." He says, his eyes eventually landing on Amanda.
She stares at him for a moment, one eyebrow raised as she finally gets the message. "You need the room?"
"Yeah, it's, uh-"
"Not about me?" Amanda interjects, a sly smirk on her face as she walks past him, letting her hand run down his arm in the process before closing the door.
"What's up?" Olivia asks as soon as the ADA is seated in front of her, studying his face that has suddenly turned oddly pale.
"She's wrong." He mumbles.
"Hm?"
"The reason I'm here. It's about her."
"Carisi, listen-" Olivia holds up a hand before she continues. "If you guys are having any problems, I'll be on her side no matter what's going on."
"No." He laughs then, sinking back in the chair. "It's not like that."
"Then what's going on?"
"Look, you're her best friend, right?"
"Well." She shrugs. "Next to you."
"Yeah, but you've known her for more than ten years. You know things that I probably don't."
"That's probably true." Olivia agrees, still clearly confused about what's going on and where this is going.
"So your opinion matters to me."
"Ok?"
"I-" He's about to pull the box out of his pocket, when a quiet gasp makes him look up.
"Oh my god." Olivia whispers after removing the hand that was just covering her open mouth. "You're gonna ask her to marry you."
He smiles, placing the now open box on the desk between them. "Yeah…" He says, giving a quick glance towards the squad room to make sure that Amanda can't see them. "I am."
"When?"
"I was thinking New Year's."
"Yes." Olivia says approvingly, reaching out for the box to look at the ring up close. "But keep it simple." She adds without looking away, her voice soft and stern all at once. "She'll get scared if you do something big."
"Simple, got it." Carisi nods. "You're not thinking she'll say no? She's not exactly the biggest fan of marriages."
"No, but she's the biggest fan of you. And as long as you keep it simple, don't make her feel pressured, I know she'll say yes. I don't think you realize how much that woman loves you."
"You don't think it's too soon?" He asks nervously as he reaches for the box before putting it back in his pocket.
"Please." Olivia snickers. "You've been dancing around this for years."
"So I have your blessing?"
The question causes the captain to furrow her eyebrows and tilt her head. "I'm not her parent."
"No, but I know how things are with them… And honestly, your opinion matters more."
"As long as I'm invited to the wedding."
"If Amanda gets to call all the shots, you'll be the only guest there."
"I'm fine with that." Olivia laughs. "But I want an actual ceremony this time. Don't pull a Fin and Phoebe on me."
He's just about to respond when a single knock and Amanda opening the door interrupts him.
"You girls done gossiping?" The detective asks, giving Carisi a teasing look before she turns to the captain. "We have a case. Ride with me to the hospital?"
He gets up quickly then, moving towards the door before turning around. "Thanks, Liv."
"Happy New Year, Carisi." She smiles, ignoring Amanda who is now eyeing both of them suspiciously.
Briefly, she tries to ignore it, but it takes the blonde less than five seconds before she turns her head to stare at the woman standing next to her in the elevator they just entered. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?" Olivia asks, trying to sound innocent but not really being successful when she tries to wipe away the grin on her face.
"I don't know. You look weird."
"It's nothing."
"Something's up." Amanda protests, clearly not trusting her. "What did Carisi want?"
"Just wanted some advice on a case." The brunette shrugs.
She looks at her for a few seconds more, before her phone vibrating in her pocket momentarily distracts her.
"Amanda?" Olivia asks while Amanda is still busy looking at the screen.
"Hm?"
"I love you."
The blonde lifts her head then, eyes wide and confused. "Ok, where did that come from?"
"I don't know." Olivia says, followed by another innocent shrug. "Holidays, I guess."
And with that the doors open, and they leave their conversation behind as they step into the bustling corridors of the hospital floor.
December 31st.
"Girls asleep?" He asks when she returns to the living room.
"Out like a light." Amanda smiles tiredly as she joins him on the couch, quick to get comfortable under that same blanket that kept her warm one year ago exactly. Except this year, it's keeping both of them warm. And this year, his arm is wrapped tightly around her shoulder, while she rests her head on his chest.
Gone is that hint of nervousness she always felt, despite the safety of his presence. And gone, mostly, is the worry that he'll suddenly find someone else, someone better. It might take her a while to fully trust that this is real, and that he's not going anywhere, but at least he's here tonight.
He's here now, she thinks, sighing contently.
"So." He says after a while of staring absentmindedly on the screen where thousands of people have gathered on Times Square. "Got any big plans for 2022?"
"Oh, didn't you hear?" She responds as she shifts a little, moving even closer. "I'm ending world hunger and then I'm going to the Bahamas for six months."
"Really?" He jokes back. "That sounds nice."
"Nah, no big plans." Amanda chuckles lightly while lifting her head to look at him. "Just this." She mumbles as she leans in for a soft kiss before lowering her head on his chest once again. "You?"
He stays quiet for a short moment, wondering if she can hear or feel the way his heart is now racing. But before she can confront him about it, he mumbles a quiet "well" as he pulls out the box, placing it on top of the blanket. "I hope so."
The ADA holds his breath as he waits for her to react, counting the seconds it takes for Amanda to realize what is happening.
"Dominick." She whispers, her eyes trained on the box in front of her.
Slowly, he uses his free hand to open it. "If you're not ready, I completely unders-"
"Yes." Amanda interrupts, sitting herself up so their eyes can finally meet, cupping his cheeks in the process. "Yes." She grins. "I'll marry you."
He catches the box just in time before it nearly tumbles down from their laps when her lips crashes against his. Tears staining both of their chins as he hums into the kiss.
"Wait." Carisi says, pulling back a little while taking out the ring. "Give me your hand."
He revels in the look on her face when he places the ring on her finger, her eyes twinkling and sparkling just as much, if not more than the diamond.
"It's so beautiful." She whispers.
"It was my grandma's." He tells her. "Ma gave it to me on Christmas Eve."
"Wh-" Amanda stutters, briefly rendered absolutely speechless from what he just revealed. "I was so worried they wouldn't like me."
"Here's your answer." Carisi smiles, bringing her hand up to his mouth, kissing it gently before her hand is replaced with her mouth.
She's not exactly sure how their innocent and equally emotional make out session turned into this, but suddenly she finds herself on her back, naked from the waist up, breathing faster and faster as her need for him is growing stronger by every beat that passes.
"God, I love you." He mumbles against her lips. Her response is just as heartfelt but barely audible as he captures her lips and practically swallow her words.
"Need you." Amanda whispers in between kisses, giving his pants an impatient tug that doesn't really do much in her position. "Now."
Eager to please, he somehow manages to wiggle his way out of his pants without moving too much, but that still only leads them halfway.
"Why didn't I wear that damn dress." Amanda jokes breathlessly as he helps her pull the yoga pants down and off until they're scattered on the floor on top of the pile that has now gathered there.
"Why didn't I wear a damn dress." He jokes back just before she lifts her hips, grinding herself against him while making a sound that's stuck somewhere between laughing and moaning.
"Next year." She says, close to panting now that he's busy freeing himself from his boxers, his knuckles bumping against her satin covered clit in the process. The contact makes her groan, and she quickly takes matters into her own hands, literally, when she reaches down between them to grab him with one hand and pull her underwear to the side with the other.
Just as he enters her, she wraps her arms around his neck, and that's when she gets a glimpse of that new piece of jewelry on her hand. Twinkling in front of her in the poorly lit living room.
Just a moment ago she was feeling feral and frantic, and her she is, clinging to him as tears start rolling down her face. "Thank you." She murmurs in between two moans, making him stop and gaze down at her.
"Hm?"
"Thank you for loving me." She says, sniffling a couple of times as she blinks up at him. "For choosing me."
"Amanda." He whispers, using his thumb to gently wipe her tears away. "Always."
Her response is simple and nonverbal as she pulls him down for another kiss. And this time they don't stop until they're forced to break away for air, just as the TV announces that they're seconds away from the new year.
"8! 7!"
"Shit, right there." Amanda cries out, nails digging into his skin.
"6! 5!"
"Don't stop." She begs, eyes closed tightly as she bites down on his shoulder.
"4! 3! 2! 1!"
Amanda whimpers loudly against him then, locking his body to hers as a violent tremble turns her into an incoherent mess for a short moment. And as soon as she goes limp under his weight, she lets out a breathy chuckle.
"Happy new year." He mumbles, smiling against her cheek as he tries to control the way he's practically gasping for air.
"Happy new year, indeed." She responds, still laughing tiredly underneath him.
January 1st.
An hour later, she's close to falling asleep when her phone lights up on her nightstand.
Briefly, she contemplates just ignoring it all together, thinking that if the job needs her, someone will call. But curiosity gets the best of her, and as she squints her tired eyes to read the text, she quickly finds herself smiling against the screen.
"Happy New Year, Amanda."
"You totally knew, didn't you?"
"He basically asked for my blessing."
"Of course he did."
"You said yes, right?"
She turns her head, smile still intact and growing increasingly softer as she takes in the sight of his sleeping form. Nothing but peace and contentment on his face. Carefully, she leans in to place a gentle kiss to his forehead before sending one last text.
"How could I not?"