A/N: I wasn't supposed to write another holiday one shot, but this idea came to me a few days ago and, well, here we are. Fluff really isn't my thing, so this was a challenge.

There's a tiny Christmas present in here for all Rolivia shippers. Hope you like reading it as much as I loved writing it, lol. There are also a few lines at the end that I got from my friend M while we were discussing the scenario. At this point, basically all my chapters should be dedicated to her because I wouldn't be writing without her.

The soundtrack for this is Maria Mena - Home for Christmas, which is also the chapter title, and I really hope you'll give it a listen because it's one of my all-time favorites. Enjoy!

"So-" Olivia starts after getting a quick update from Amanda on their latest case, a faint smile on her lips as she leans back in her chair. "Excited to celebrate Christmas with Carisi this year?"

"Yeah." The blonde responds, her smile definitely a bit wider and brighter than the captain's. "I am."

"Are you celebrating with his family, or?"

"No, he wanted it to be just us. Honestly, I think he's kinda relieved. I know he loves his family, but-" Amanda stops herself then, finally noticing that hint of sadness in Olivia's eyes. Realizing that she's probably the reason why the woman sitting in front of her isn't smiling anymore. "Hey, uhm-" She clears her throat, leaning forward in her chair like she suddenly needs to be just a little closer. "Would you and Noah like to celebrate with us? Carisi definitely wouldn't mind, and the girls would love it."

For a short moment, not more than a beat, it actually looks like Olivia is contemplating it, but then she shakes her head. "No." She says quickly, waving Amanda off. "Me and Noah will be just fine."

"I know, but… It's kinda our thing, you know. It's gonna be weird without you."

"You and Carisi should enjoy your first holiday together as a couple. I mean it."

And in true Olivia Benson fashion, that sad look on her face has now been magically replaced with a genuine and warm expression, combined with a stern voice that lets Amanda know there's nothing more to discuss.

"Are you crying?" She asks teasingly, tilting her head to look up at the ADA who's eyes are now suspiciously red and glossy looking.

"No-" He responds, trying to cover up his sniffle with a cough.

"You're totally crying!"

"Well, it's really sad, ok?" Carisi laughs while rubbing his eyes. "You could've warned me that Beth would die."

"I'm sorry." She giggles. "Kinda thought it was public knowledge."

"Why aren't you crying?"

"Please." Amanda scoffs. "I've seen this movie basically every Christmas since it came out. I'm immune."

She's just about to remind him of the time he made them watch Marley & Me and how she had cried for days, when her phone gives off a single buzz against the table.

"I swear to god." The detective groans while reaching for the device. "If that's work, I'm quitting." But what she finds instead, is just a simple text; "Merry Christmas, Amanda". And a single heart emoji.

"What is it?" Carisi asks, a hint of worry in his voice when he sees how her demeanor changes. "Something wrong?"

"No, it's…" She tries a smile then. "It's just a text from Liv, wishing me a merry Christmas."

"Then why do you look so sad?" He says, rubbing her back, gently trying to coax the truth out of her.

"It's-" Amanda starts, not knowing how to explain that weird and heavy feeling in her stomach that she's been trying to ignore ever since her talk with Olivia just five days ago. "Never mind. It's silly."

"What? You can tell me."

Eventually giving up, she sinks back against the couch, sighing heavily while letting her phone fall down in her lap. "I just… I feel bad. We've celebrated Christmas together for years and… And now she's alone, and I… I miss her."

"Go." The ADA says without hesitation, without so much as a blink.

"Are you crazy?" Amanda blurts out, her mouth falling open. "It's Christmas Eve. I can't leave you and the girls all alone."

"You'll be back before they wake up." He shrugs, giving her an encouraging smile in the process.

"What about you?"

"Me?" He laughs. "I'm all set. I've got my beer, my candy, and besides, I need to man up after this sob fest anyway. Watch a real guy's movie, you know."

The way he tries to deepen his voice makes her laugh, too. But she also knows her man better than anyone, and that's why her grin turns into a mocking smirk. "You're gonna watch Love Actually, aren't you?"

"Hey." Carisi says, pointing a finger at her. "Don't talk shit about my favorite Christmas movie, ok?"

"Sorry." She chuckles. "But are you sure? Now I feel bad about leaving."

"Amanda, I'm sure."

While placing a hand on his chest, she leans in and gives his cheek a soft kiss before aligning her lips with his. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?" She mumbles through a smile.

"I think you've mentioned it a couple of times."

"Well, I'll say it again." Amanda murmurs before humming into the kiss. "I love you." And then another kiss. "You're amazing."

"I'm no Laurie Laurence, but I guess I'm not the worst." He says, cupping her cheeks before placing a soft kiss against her forehead. "Go."

When she first made the move, Amanda used to really, really hate winters in New York.

Because at first, winters in New York meant cold and miserable stakeouts, or lonely and drunken nights in casinos with soaked shoes and freezing feet from the snow outside. It meant layers on top of layers, and dark nights that just never seemed to end. The smell of cigarettes on her clothes and hair, reminding her of yet another failure. Or, that she was very much alone in this giant, frozen city.

And Christmas was no exception.

Before Jesse, she preferred the long and grueling holiday shifts. Because at least that kept her busy, giving her a good enough reason not to go back to Georgia. And when she could bury herself in work, it meant not thinking about the fact that she didn't really have anyone. Spending Christmas Eve with Fin and his family had been a bittersweet double edged sword; Giving her an imaginary break from her loneliness, only to amplify it a thousand times when she went home later that night. And woke up the next day. Alone again, naturally.

But then, slowly and gradually, something had started to change.

Suddenly winters in New York meant ice-skating with Jesse, Olivia and Noah. And while her boss and her son turned out to be naturals, Amanda and Jesse would both wobble around like Bambi, at least the first few times. The bruises she went home with were always totally worth it, though.

And at some point, the late night stakeouts turned into coffee and jokes with Carisi to keep her warm and entertained. One of the many things she knew she would miss when he left SVU. One of the many reasons why she had been so irrationally mad at him for leaving. Oh, she really hated him for making her winters just a little colder. But they didn't lose everything; They still had their Christmas movies marathon with Chinese take out. And after finally letting go of her fears, she has now started to realize that maybe, hopefully, he'll always be there to keep her warm, one way or another.

The holidays have also turned into shopping with Olivia to pick out gifts for the kids; Something she still, to this day, pretends to hate, but secretly loves. And the best thing about it is knowing that the other woman feels the same way. "Ugh, this time again", Olivia groans every year, pulling her beanie further down. But once they get started, they always end up having the best time. Mostly because they always end up celebrating their effort in the same restaurant, with the same drinks.

Now, winters in New York means overdoing it on Mrs. Carisi's cookies that tends to take over the break room way into January. God, that woman can bake. And Fin occasionally bringing her hot chocolate when she complains about how cold the squad room is, and him saying "the barista got the damn order wrong". Sure, Fin. And dressing the girls up and bringing them to her favorite church for a Christmas concert. This particular tradition is just theirs, and maybe that's what makes it feel so extra special and sacred.

So no, she doesn't hate winters in New York anymore. And strangely enough, she never feels more warmth than she does in December.

Well, emotional warmth at least.

"Amanda?" Olivia asks, following up with a rushed "What's wrong?" Clearly confused, clearly expecting the blonde to inform her about a new case that is about to pull them away from their families on Christmas Eve. Or maybe she's here with some awful news that she just couldn't share over the phone. Maybe her sister is in trouble again? Did she have a fight with Carisi? Or worse, something with the kids?

Because why else would Amanda be here, late at night, looking like she just climbed out from an avalanche.

"Please let me in." The blonde begs, her lips quivering, her feet bouncing against the floor. "I'm so fucking cold."

Holding the door open, the captain's confused eyes are still on her as she steps inside, shrugging off her gloves, boots and coat. Leaving her in an odd but equally adorable outfit consisting of a knitted sweater, sweatpants and a beanie with melting snow on top.

The detective's disheveled appearance makes Olivia's lips curl upwards for a moment until she remembers that she still doesn't know why the other woman is here.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, closing the door behind her.

"Well." Amanda shrugs, pulling the beanie off before dragging a hand through messy hair. "Didn't feel like Christmas without my best friend." She smiles shyly.

"But Carisi? The girls?"

"I'll be with them in the morning." The blonde says, adding another shrug. "God willing, girls will be sleeping until 6 am, and Carisi is having the time of his life, drinking beer and crying because of Emma Thompson."

"Love Actually?" Olivia asks then, a knowing smirk replacing her confused expression.

"Yup."

Planting her hands against her sides, the brunette finally realizes that there's no crisis, no new case. No family members in distress. Just her very cold looking friend, standing in the middle of her living room.

"So you walked all the way here on Christmas Eve? Just… To be here?"

"Like I said, wasn't the same without you."

With a muffled "mmf" Amanda suddenly finds herself wrapped in Olivia's arms, but despite the unexpected hug, she quickly sinks into it, hugging her back.

Speaking of feeling warm in December.

"I'm so happy to see you." The captain mumbles over her shoulder, hugging her even tighter before letting go. And when she does, tears have gathered in both women's eyes.

"Do you have socks?" Amanda practically blurts out, in an attempt to stop her own tears from falling, but also because it feels like someone is stabbing her feet with tiny needles. "I'm soaked."

"Yeah." Olivia chuckles lightly. "Believe it or not I have socks. And blankets, and wine."

"Perfect."

Two hours later, they are nothing but a pile of pillows and blankets, snacks and wine on the captain's couch. Going back and forth on sharing everything from their worst dates, to their favorite Christmas memories. Stories they have undoubtedly shared several times before.

"Can I ask you something?" Amanda mumbles coyly, after listening to Olivia tell a particularly funny story about Munch turning one of their Christmas parties in the morgue into a two hour lecture on conspiracy theories.

"Sure."

"It's personal." The detective adds with a nervous bite to her lip.

"I can take it."

"Did you and Stabler ever…"

Olivia's response is quick and without hesitation, "no", almost like she expected Amanda to ask this particular question.

"You sure?"

"Uh, yeah." She snickers, rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure I would've known if I slept with my married partner."

"So…" Amanda drags the word out, all while looking like she's been holding the next question back for years. "I wasn't a rebound?"

Nearly ten years to be exact.

Being mid sip, the brunette nearly spits out her wine then, clearly not expecting that. Not when they've never talked about it before, not even a short mention. But, it's Christmas and Amanda is staring at her with searching and twinkling eyes. And she is after all working on her third glass, so maybe talking about it won't be that hard.

"Actually-" She stops for a moment, her fingers gliding repeatedly over the stem of her glass. "I guess David Haden was the rebound. You were the rebound after him."

Amanda's mouth falls open then, looking offended more than anything else. "The rebound's rebound?" She says, her hand gesturing a stab to the chest. "Ouch."

"Please." Olivia laughs. "As far as rebounds go, you were… pretty decent."

"Pretty decent." She scoffs. "Jesus, Liv. Compliments don't come easy for you, huh?"

"What? I'm your boss now." The brunette argues with a playful grin. "I can't exactly sit here and tell you what an amazing lover you were."

With a pleased look on her face, Amanda leans back against the cushions. "See, was that so hard?"

For a few short moments, they both fall silent, both of them taking a quick stroll down memory lane. But then Olivia asks the question that she's been holding back for quite some time now. "Does Carisi know? About… that?"

"Hell no. I don't kiss and tell." The detective shakes her head, but there's also a hint of guilt in her expression. "I mean, I wouldn't lie to him if he asked me specifically. But I doubt he'll ever ask, specifically."

Olivia nods slowly then, while secretly finding some entertainment in imagining Carisi's face if he ever found out. "We really made it ten years without talking about this, huh." She says, before finally emptying her glass.

"Hey, we're both adults." Amanda shrugs. "It was a one-time thing that happened years ago and it's not like it was anything serious, right?"

At the sound of her words, the look on the captain's face changes, her eyes falling down to her lap as her smile falters. Like she's about to cry. And in that moment, Amanda's heart starts racing, or stops beating. She's not sure. "Right?" She asks, her voice slightly strained and high pitch.

But that's when the brunette lifts her head, shoulders already shaking from laughter. "I'm kidding." She giggles. "You should see your face right now."

"God, woman!" Amanda exhales nervously, leaning over to punch Olivia in the arm. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

Apologetically, the other woman holds up both hands like she's trying to surrender, failing to control her amusement. "It was fun, though… That night, I mean." She eventually says when most of the laughter has died down.

"O, it most definitely was." The blonde grins, clinking their empty glasses together.

It's been a while since she last overslept, pretty sure the last time predates Jesse. But her body still remembers that feeling, and that's exactly what startles her awake. Making her sit up abruptly, looking around the dark and quiet room for a few seconds before she starts fumbling for her phone.

"Shit." She breathes out when that unforgiving clock on the screen tells her what time it is. "Fuck!"

She hears a groan then, and then the sound of a groggy voice. "Merry Christmas to you too."

"Liv, we fell asleep." Amanda says, giving the brunette's leg a quick shake to make sure that she's conscious. "It's almost 5.30."

"Oh, shit." Olivia finally opens her eyes and lifts her head. "Ok."

Her head is spinning when she gets up from the couch, making her wonder if she's just tired or still a little tipsy. But it doesn't really matter right now, because she has no choice but to ignore it while moving towards the hallway. "I gotta get home before they wake up."

"Want me to wake up Noah and drive you?" The captain asks, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders before she saunters up behind Amanda.

"No-" The detective shakes her head while hastily working to get her coat on. "No, I'm still a run-" The sudden knock makes both of them flinch and turn around, staring at the door like it's going to just magically open without them moving.

"What the hell…" Olivia mumbles as she walks past the other woman and looks through the peephole. "Oh my god." She whispers, before unlocking and opening the door quickly.

"Merry Christmas!"

Standing there, and sounding like a very chaotic choir of sorts, is one ADA, one dog, and two girls who's faces are barely visible from the hats and the scarfs that Carisi has dressed them in.

"Wh-" Amanda tries, but her words get lodged in her throat as she takes in the sight in front of her; Her girls, and her man, all wearing Santa hats, Carisi carrying two large bags with what looks like most of the gifts that laid under their tree just a few hours ago. And Frannie, with a red bow attached to her collar.

"Merry Christmas, aunty Livia!" Jesse exclaims, practically jumping up and into the brunette's arms.

And with a short grunt, she's quickly lifted up and embraced. "Oh, Merry Christmas, sweetie." Olivia says, pulling the red hat back before pressing a kiss to Jesse's cheek.

"We wanted to surprise you." The six year old beams, her missing teeth giving her words an adorable lisp.

"Well, this is the best surprise in the world."

"Babe." Amanda simply whispers when their unexpected guests eventually move inside the apartment. "What did you do?" She chuckles lightly before pulling him in for a quick kiss.

"Kids are surprisingly easy to work with on Christmas morning." He laughs. "Besides, I figured you might've fallen asleep or something."

Before Amanda can respond with a heartfelt apology, a tired and raspy voice coming from down the hall interrupts her.

"What's going on?" Noah asks, rubbing his eyes and looking like he's not fully awake yet.

"Look who's here!" Olivia says, with Jesse now firmly planted on her hip.

Noah looks around the crowded living room then, clearly needing a moment to find out if he's dreaming or not. But not long after his face lights up, his blue eyes big and wide when he finally understands what he's looking at. "You're here!"

"Table's all set." Amanda says when she joins Olivia in the kitchen. Now wearing the red flannel pajamas that Billie (Carisi) had given her, and of course, the warm, fuzzy socks from Frannie (also Carisi). "Need any help in here?"

"No, think I'm good." The brunette responds, busy arranging heaps of fruit on the plate in front of her.

Amanda leans against the counter then, taking in the scene that's currently playing out in Olivia's living room; Carisi surrounded by all three kids on the floor, helping them with dolls and LEGO's, and with Jesse's new butterfly hairclips randomly scattered around in his grey mane.

As tears start to well up in her eyes, she takes a quivering breath while her heart swells in her chest, the chill in her body from the night before already long forgotten.

Because if anyone had told her ten years ago that her holidays could look like this, she would've refused to believe it. Something like this would always be unattainable for someone like her. Something like this was just too good to be true.

That is, until it came true.

"This is it." She mumbles, making the other woman lift her head and look at her. "This is what I dreamed about as a kid. And what I thought I couldn't have."

She wipes away a lone tear when Olivia joins her, smiling when the brunette responds with a whispered "me too" just as she wraps an arm around her shoulder.

"All of you." Amanda says then, her voice thick with emotion as she turns her head to meet brown eyes, needing Olivia to know exactly what she means. "You're not just my family. Y'all are my home."

"I know." The captain smiles, adding a murmured "I love you" while pulling her in for a tight hug.

He's busy fixing Billie's short braid when Carisi casts a quick glance towards the kitchen, initially just to check if his help is needed.

But that's when he finds something else.

A soft and faint smile reaches his eyes as he looks at them; The two women embracing each other, and from what he can tell, crying silently. And all he can think in that moment is how immensely grateful he is. For Olivia, for slowly showing Amanda how she's worthy of love and a real family. And more than anything, for Amanda. For letting him in, for trusting him and loving him. Giving him, but more importantly herself, the chance to create that sense of home that she never had, but always deserved.

Merry Christmas, Amanda, he thinks. God, I hope you know how loved you are.