A/N: I just want to say that I'm so incredibly grateful for all the wonderful, kind, funny and sweet reviews/comments you've left on this collection of one shots! It makes me so happy, and definitely inspires more writing. Thank you so much!
I've already shared one of my takes on how S23 could end with the gc, but this is not that. I have a long list of ideas, and here's one of them.
Enjoy!
Never Been Happier.
"Liv!"
Her name sounds more like a shriek than anything else, and it makes the captain flinch and turn her head in the direction of the bathroom.
"What?" She calls out, followed by a breathy groan when she's not quite successful at reaching the zipper of her dress.
"Get in here!" Amanda calls back, her voice bordering on frantic.
With hurried steps and her dress still unzipped, Olivia marches towards the other room, practically barging in, expecting to see whatever disaster that's got Amanda's voice all high pitched and weird. "What?" She asks again, eyeing the other woman from top to bottom; Her cheeks are slightly flushed, there's a thin sheen of sweat covering her forehead and she's clearly fighting the urge to cry.
"These goddamn earrings." The blonde huffs without turning to look at her, trying in vain to use two shaking hands to get the lock in place.
"Jesus, Rollins." The captain lets out a relieved chuckle. "Sounded like you were dying in here."
"Well-" Amanda says before sucking in air, her eyes now wide and full of dread. "Maybe I am."
"Wait-" Olivia grabs her shoulders to turn her around then, studying her face more intently for a moment. "Are you having a panic attack?"
Staring straight ahead, the detective just mumbles a barely audible "no". But as if her ragged breaths and flushed skin wasn't enough, the way she starts pulling at her dress, like the fabric is trying to strangle her, definitely gives it away.
"Ok, let's get you out of this bathroom." Olivia says, carefully grabbing the earrings before placing them on the counter. And with a firm hand wrapped around the blonde's arm, she guides them into her bedroom where she gently motions for Amanda to sit down on the bed. "Talk to me."
"I just-" Her words are interrupted when she inhales sharply, all while trying to force her eyes to focus on the woman in front of her. "What if I screw this up, Liv?"
"The wedding?" The brunette asks, one eyebrow raised.
"No." She shakes her head, gasping once again. "The part that comes after. The-" It almost looks like she's about to throw up, before she eventually manages to finish the sentence. "Marriage."
"Wh- Why would you screw it up?"
"I don't know anything about marriage."
The vulnerability in her voice makes Olivia smile softly as she kneels down in front of her. "But you do know a thing or two about loving Carisi?"
"Yeah, but, I… I keep thinking that he deserves someone better, someone with less baggage."
"Amanda, honey, listen to me." The captain says, grabbing her hands, keeping them from practically plucking apart the white lace. "We've talked about this. That man has loved you since the day he met you. He loved you before he really knew you or your baggage, and he loved you even more after."
"But what if-" Amanda continues, tears now threatening to escape her glossy eyes. "What if I still screw it up? I mean, look at my parents."
"No." Olivia protests, squeezing the other woman's hands. "I'm not going to look at your parents. I'm looking at you. And what I'm seeing is a brilliant, smart, loving, hardworking, funny and beautiful woman who's come so far. And you deserve this."
And that's when Amanda's tears starts to fall in earnest. "Damnit, Liv." She sniffles, releasing one hand from Olivia's hold before pointing to her face. "My makeup-"
"Can be fixed." The captain interrupts while joining her on the bed. "I know this is a huge step for you." She says, placing a hand on Amanda's back. "I also know that you're ready. And that whatever happens, you and Carisi will figure it out, together. It's not all on you, ok? From what I've heard, a marriage is supposed to be kind of a team effort."
"Yeah…" The blonde nods slowly, looking down at her hands while inhaling a trembling breath before she sniffles again. "Ok."
"Are you good?"
She looks up, the panic on her face now replaced with something softer, but somehow still pleading. "As long as you don't leave."
"I'm not going anywhere." Olivia smiles, giving her a reassuring pat on her shoulder. "Let's go fix that pretty face. But I need you to zip me up first." She stands up then, moving her hair out of the way so Amanda can finish the job. "I really don't want to steal your thunder by walking around half naked."
The joke earns her a light chuckle from the woman behind her, and a mumbled "no one would mind it, honestly."
"What?" Amanda asks two minutes later when Olivia stops what she's doing, leaning back just to stare at her for a short moment.
"Nothing." The brunette shrugs before leaning back in with the tissue, gently patting the other woman's cheek to remove the mascara stains left from her tears. "I just hope Carisi knows how lucky he is."
"Hey." The detective snickers, raising an eyebrow. "You had your chance."
"Please." Olivia laughs then, immediately realizing what the other woman is referring to. "I know the sex was great, but we would've killed each other."
"That's very true." Amanda agrees with a grin, just as the captain looks to be pleased with her effort of fixing the makeup.
"Now." Olivia says, grabbing the blonde's shoulders while taking a deep breath. "Let's go and get you married before you flee the country."
…
He's pacing back and forth on the patio when Jesse comes running towards him, practically jumping into his arms with no warning. "Look what's in my hair, Sonny!" The six-year-old smiles as he lifts her up, holding her on his hip.
He mirrors her smile immediately and it grows even wider when he sees the flowers in her braided hair. "Look at you." Carisi says. "You look so pretty."
"Aunt Bella helped me." Jesse responds, patting the flowers gently. "Do you think mama will like them?"
"She'll love them." He grins. "You're perfect."
He finally manages to let go off his nerves then. Staring into Jesse's beaming eyes, finding nothing but excitement and joy on her face. But kids have a way of stirring things up, though.
"Sonny?" She asks, her voice timid as her small fingers starts playing with his tie.
"Hm?"
"After you and mama get married… Are you gonna have a baby?"
The unexpected question makes his eyes widen, forcing him to take a step backwards just to regain some balance. "We've, uhm-" He stutters. "We don't know."
"Are you gonna love that baby more than me?"
"Wh- Jesse? No. Of course not." He gently sits the six-year-old down in one of the chairs then, her feet dangling over the ground as he kneels down in front of her. "If mama and I decided to have a baby, I would love you, Billie and the baby just the same."
Jesse eyes him for a moment, looking like she's trying to figure out if she can trust him or not. "Promise?"
"I promise." Carisi responds without hesitation, hugging her hands with his own, relieved when her uncertain expression changes into a big smile.
"We should call the new baby Ryder like in Paw Patrol." She exclaims enthusiastically, making him laugh a nervous laugh.
"Yeah, let's save that discussion for later, ok?" He says, gently patting her cheek.
They haven't been driving for more than fifteen minutes when Amanda turns her head to look at the radio, whispering a silent "oh my god."
"What?" Olivia asks, keeping her eyes trained on the traffic lights, waiting for it to turn green. "Did you forget something?"
"No." The detective smiles then, turning up the volume a little. "That's our song."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah." She chuckles lightly. "I've never heard it on the radio before. But that's it."
"Well, if that's not a sign-" The brunette says as she starts driving again, "I don't know wh-"
But that's when a loud and earsplitting sound interrupts her.
And then, everything is just dark.
When she eventually comes to, Olivia quickly recognizes that metallic taste from the blood in her mouth and it doesn't take long before she realizes where it's coming from. Because when she opens her mouth, a piercing sting makes her hiss and wince as the deep cut on her lip starts bleeding yet again.
Groaning, she blinks her eyes open, at first not really sure what she's looking at. There's broken glass and smoke. But there's something else, too. Something white and red?
And that's when she sees it.
"Amanda." She whispers, hissing again from the pain of moving her lips, spitting down in her lap when the blood almost makes her gag. But the blonde is completely unresponsive, slumped over in the seat next to her, her wedding dress stained with blood.
"Amanda." Olivia says again, louder and more desperate, the adrenaline now rushing through her making her forget all about the pain. "Wake up."
"Ma'am?" A voice suddenly calls out.
She has no idea when the car door was yanked open, but there's a stranger looking at her now with worried eyes. "Ma'am, can you move? We need to get you out of the car."
And that's when she sees the flames.
"Just help her." Olivia mumbles, pointing towards Amanda.
"Come here." The stranger says, ignoring the brunette's words as he leans over her to free her from the seatbelt.
Before she has any time to protest, she is already moved out of the burning vehicle, feeling equally confused and frustrated. But as soon as her trembling legs hit the ground, her instincts kicks in, and the adrenaline in her body once again making her forget that she's in pain.
"Help me get her out." She orders, kicking off her heels while rushing to the other side of the car. "And call 911."
"We've already called."
"Amanda… Amanda!" Olivia calls out as soon as she's able to get the door open, supporting the blonde's head as she slumps to the side. "Did you hear that? The ambulance is coming. Stay with me. Ok? I need you to stay with me." But Amanda doesn't respond, doesn't open her eyes. The makeup that Olivia just fixed half an hour ago now replaced with blood from the many cuts on her face.
The captain manages to control her need to cry until they're seated in the middle of the road, Amanda's pale and lifeless body heavy in her arms.
"Please." She whispers, angrily wiping at the blood and the tears staining her face, ignoring how it feels like her entire body is on fire, like the car they just moved away from. "Honey, stay with me." Just as the sound of sirens can be heard in the distance, she cradles Amanda in her lap, fumbling around to place her fingers against her neck, desperate to find some sign of life. When she finds nothing, her cries quickly turn into choked sobs.
"Amanda!" Olivia yells. "You don't get to do this to me, do you hear me? You can't do this to your girls and Carisi." When she gets nothing except more blood running from the detective's head, she cups her cheeks, close to shaking her, as if that would somehow magically bring her back. "Wake up!"
"Should be here any minute now." Carisi says, checking his watch a fourth time before glancing around at the small crowd gathered in his parent's backyard.
"Nervous?" Barba mumbles next to him.
"Nah." The ADA grins then, meeting his parent's proud eyes before his glance finally lands on Jesse. "Just excited." He checks his watch one last time before looking towards the door where Amanda will appear in less than two minutes. "Never been happier."
…
A/N: Told you this was written as a finale, hence the cliffhanger… Sorry!
Last note: If you're also reading "All Eyes On Me", I'm so, so, so sorry for the delay. Don't think I've abandoned the story, because I haven't. I'm literally working on the next chapter every single day, but I've been stuck in a major writer's block for nearly two weeks now and I feel so stuck. I hate it here. Send good vibes if you have any, and maybe I'll be able to let go of my self-criticism enough to actually post something.