Chapter 52

Clarke sat at Raven's desk looking over the medical charts and reports. She'd pulled some of them up on the computer and ran different scenarios based on the data she had and the results gathered. She'd even pulled up some anatomy logs so that she could reference them. She could feel Raven's eyes on her as she continued to process everything that she had in front of her. She wasn't sure what she was seeing and she wasn't sure what it all meant.

"Get back up on the table," Clarke told her.

Raven immediately complied and asked her, "Do you want my leg out, again?"

"Both of them. Drop your pants. I'll get you something to cover up with."

"Lock the door," Raven said. "The only people that know we're in here are Palla and Echo. They'll knock and announce themselves. And, we both know that Echo will get in by any means necessary if she thinks that you or I are being threatened"

"That's true," Clarke replied as she gathered some tools and moved over to the table where Raven was sitting.

Raven quickly disposed of her brace. Clarke moved it off the table and set it next to a chair. Raven kept her eyes on it as she undid her pants.

"Can you get my boot?" Raven asked her and Clarke nodded.

She took off Raven's boots and then helped her shimmy off her tight, cargo pants. Raven huffed as she righted herself again and looked deeply into Clarke's blue eyes. She could see the questions and the worry there.

"Chit?" Raven asked using Trig.

"Your leg shows great musculature and no damage. I know that it is all nerves, but you shouldn't have this much muscle unless you are using them. Your leg should be thinner, weaker."

"But?"

"It isn't. It looks perfectly healthy. All the issues are from the nerve damage and most of that was in your back from the bullet. Mom wrote that you couldn't feel anything below mid-thigh. Is that still true?" Clarke asked her.

"Yeah, but I guess. Abby hasn't checked it since Arkadia. There was no reason. I've been in that damn brace most of the time. I've haven't noticed anything different. Why?"

"I want to test you again," Clarke told her.

"Okay, go ahead."

Clarke picked up a screwdriver from the workbench next to them. She held it on the blade as she ran up Raven's right foot. It twitched.

"Good. No change in the right. Let's try to left," Clarke said.

She ran the tip of the screwdriver blade up Raven's left foot. Clarke saw a toe move, but it wasn't definite. She turned and looked up at Raven.

"Anything?"

"No," Raven replied dejectedly.

"Don't get upset, Raven. That doesn't mean anything yet. Your tests are...well, strange considering everything I know about your history. I want to try some more okay. Don't fight it. Look at the ceiling and tell me when you can feel something, okay."

"Okay," Raven said as she laid down and looked up.

She wished that she had something else to focus on. She didn't want to stare at the ceiling. She closed her eyes. She figured that was better than nothing at the moment. She placed her right arm over her eyes and tried not to think about it.

Clarke watched her. She knew that Raven was hurting and it wasn't the pain in her leg. She wanted it to be better so bad. It had been years since Abby had done her surgery. She knew that Abby had done the best that she could considering everything. Clarke had too, but she knew that the bullet had moved. She put her hand on Raven's foot and gripped the screwdriver again.

This time with Raven not looking, she ran up her left foot again. Her toes twitched. Clarke bit her lip to keep from saying anything. She had feeling or at least reactionary response, which wasn't there before. Letting out a breath, she moved her hand up Raven's leg up to her knee. She was about to start again when there was a knock on the door.

"Go get them," Raven said.

Clarke nodded and set the screwdriver down. She realized that Raven couldn't see her, but she went anyway. When she opened the door, she saw Palla, Echo, and Octavia. She cocked her eyebrow, but motioned for them to come in quietly.

"What is it?" Octavia asked.

"I'll show you, but be quiet. You can't react. I need her to tell me where she actually has feeling. If you can't do that, then wait somewhere else," Clarke told them.

They all nodded. Clarke signalled for them to follow her back in the other area. She touched Raven's leg to let her know that she was back. Echo grabbed a stool and sat by her head. She reached down and took Raven's left hand in hers, holding it, willing her strength and support. Palla and Octavia got out Clarke's way and leaned against the workbench.

When she ready, Clarke looked up at her friend and said, "Okay, we're going to start again."

"Okay," Raven replied, still with her arm over her eyes.

"Just tell me when you feel something," Clarke told.

She rubbed the screwdriver up her left foot again, but this time she made sure that the other three could see it, too. Raven's little toes moved. Octavia sucked in a breath and covered her mouth. Clarke glared at her over Raven's legs. Palla reached out and took Octavia's other hand and nodded at Clarke. Clarke shook her head and looked up at Echo. The Azgedan looked at Clarke with wide eyes and was amazed that she wasn't crushing Raven's hand. Clarke nodded at her and ran the screwdriver again. Raven's toes twitched again and this time no one made a sound. Clarke resumed biting her lip.

She moved her hand and set it on Raven's shin near her ankle. Raven didn't react. Clarke wasn't worried about that. Raven didn't react to that before. She wanted to see how much feeling she had gained. She slowly ran her hand up her shin as she moved the other hand over with the screwdriver in it. She made sure that she only had the tip of the bit sticking out. She wanted a reaction but, she didn't want to cause her any pain. She started by her ankle. She'd prick the skin and wait.

Moving in very small increments, less than an inch at a time, she pricked her skin. She ran from ankle to mid-shin. Raven never really said anything but her muscles twitched with a normal nervous reaction, as did her toes. It was a good sign.

When she moved her hand up to Raven's knee, Raven dropped her arm and pulled her head up to look down at Clarke. Blue met brown and held. Silently, Raven told her to do it again.

Clarke picked up her hand and set it back down on Raven's knee. It jumped slightly and Raven gave her a big smile. She pushed up on her elbows and Echo moved with her as everyone was staring at Raven's knee.

"You can feel that?"

"Yes!" Raven yelled.

"Okay, slow down," Clarke told her. "Let me finish the tests. Lay back and just tell me if you feel it."

Raven shook her and acquiesced. Raven reached back with both of her hands. Echo took them and then Raven closed her eyes. Echo nodded at Clarke to begin again. Their eyes held as Clarke picked up the screwdriver again. She slowly moved her hand from the table and back to her knee.

Raven's leg jerked a little, but not enough to be seen. Clarke could feel it, but didn't react. She didn't break her gaze from Echo's. Holding the screwdriver low near the tip of the bit, she started at Raven's ankle and began to move upwards again. Slowly and surely, she watched Raven's muscles move. Echo leaned down and began to whisper in Trigedasleng in her ear. Clarke could barely hear it, but she knew whatever it was, it was similar to whatever Luna used to help keep her calm in Becca's bunker. Echo nodded and Clarke moved upward again.

Her hand just above her knee, she heard Raven suck in a breath. Watching Raven and Echo, Clarke ran the tip against the skin just below her knee near the spot where most doctors check reflexes with the small hammer. Raven's knee jerked. Clarke kept a hold of her and tried again. It jerked in reaction again. Looking to Echo, she tried to find a reaction on Raven's face. Echo shook her head. Raven hadn't felt it. Her leg responded, but she didn't feel the stimuli. It was puzzling. She shifted up just past the knee. She'd removed her hand and scraped the screwdriver across the top of her knee.

"I felt that."

"You felt that?" Clarke asked trying to verify what Raven said.

"Yes, I felt that, but that's not knew."

Clarke smiled. When she looked up again at Echo, she could see the question on Echo's face about it. Clarke leaned over closer to Raven's face.

"Actually, Raven, that is lower."

"What?" Raven inquired popping up off the table again.

"You felt that, here," Clarke told her as she scraped the bit across her skin again. "That is a few inches lower than what Mom recorded just after your surgery. That is a good sign."

"I've gotten feeling back?"

"Yes, Raven, you have. It isn't a lot, but it is lower..."

"That means that I could get more?"

"It is a possibility, but I cannot say for sure, Raven. I don't want to give you false hope. But, that doesn't mean that I don't want to test you every now and again to see if you've gotten more," Clarke told her.

"So, does this mean I stop using the brace?"

"No, it doesn't. It is still stabilizing your leg. Your muscles are reacting well and more than before. Your leg is still active in its on way...somehow. I know that you've been working with Niylah and I want you to keep doing that, but without the brace. I want you do it in peace and in our quarters. I want you to only do it when Octavia, Echo or I am present."

"Why?" Raven asked as she pulled her right knee up and hugged it, resting her head on it.

"Because we will be there to help her with you. The exercises and movements that I am going to ask her to work with you on are going to be more involved than her just picking up your leg and bending it. I know what you want, Raven, and if we can get you there, we will. It is going to hurt. It is going to suck and there are going to be days that you want to give up, but you can't. You have to promise me that you won't give up on this."

"I won't," Raven told her.

"I mean it, Raven. You can't give up. No matter how much pain you're in. No matter how much your day sucks. No matter how much Echo pushes you. You cannot give up. Do you understand me?" Clarke asked, holding her gaze, and then continued letting her thoughts and feelings run. "Because I haven't and will not ever give up on you. You told me once to do my job, to fight, to save us all. So, now, it's your turn to fight Raven. I don't care how tired you get. You cannot give up. Because I swear to all that is holy if you do, I'll cut the leg off."

"Yeah, I get it. I won't. Okay?"

"Good. And, I mean it. I'll cut it off. Or, I'll let Indra do it," Clarke told her with a sadistic quirk of her lip.

"I get it. I get it. I'm not going to give up. I haven't yet, remember? I drowned myself in icy water to die for a few seconds to stop the stroke in my head, and shocked my own heart back so I would live after everything with A.L.I.E. I figured out how to make a two man rocket into an eight man rocket. And, I stepped up on the Go-Sci ring when Bell needed someone to bounce ideas off of. I've never stopped fighting," she said and cocked her neck. "I've been fighting for everything I have since the day I was born. And, I know that I am not the only one here that has. We've all got our shit, Clarke. My leg is not part of that. It is a hindrance, sure. But, it doesn't and never has defined me. So, I promise that I am not going to give up on this...until I'm walking on my own again."

"Good."

"What are we going to tell Abby?" Octavia asked.

"Nothing," Raven said quickly.

They all turned and looked at her. Clarke could see the fire in Raven's eyes. She was determined. Clarke knew that she was going to need it.

"Why not?" Palla asked.

"No offense to your mom, Clarke, but she is a surgeon. She's awesome a trauma and emergency stuff. This isn't that. I'm not saying that she isn't a good doctor. She is, but this isn't something that she knows how to deal with. She's tried and I love her for it. But, honestly, Clarke, you've done for me in the last few weeks than you mother has done in years."

Clarke nodded. She understood. Abby was a great doctor, but her attention had been divided. Raven had called her out on it many times. So had Clarke, but it took drastic measures and political savvy to make Abby see reason. When she did, she deferred to Kane, not Clarke, Lexa, or any of the other leaders that understood how things worked on Earth. Kane tried, but he was leaning heavily on Lexa and Clarke for help. Abby hated that.

"For now, we won't tell her. It isn't that I want to decieve her, Octavia. I don't, but she has enough to worry about with us preparing to move some Spring and dealing with our entire population. She's also been working on Kane's recovery and sending information to Jackson. We can work with Raven. We will all help her, but that doesn't mean that you stop your visits with Mom, Raven. You need to keep going after training for your weekly visits. Don't hold anything back. If something hurts, tell her. Let her help you as much as she can. We'll work on mobility, let her handle everything else," Clarke explained.

"No worries, Clarkey. We've got this," Raven told her with a wink. "Do you think that we can get Niylah now?"

"I'll go get her," Palla said as she pushed off the bench and headed for the door.

"Just do me one favor in all of this, Raven," Clarke said as soon as Palla was gone.

"What's that?"

"Don't push yourself too hard now that we know that some feeling has come back."

"I won't."

"I'm serious, Raven. You could hurt yourself more than help yourself. I'm not telling you to stop training. You can still do that, but you can't push yourself to the point you break. I can't guarantee that you be able work and walk if you do."

"I'll make sure that she doesn't," Echo said as she stood up.

"And, so will I," Octavia said, looking deeply into Raven's eyes.

"Okay, I get it. I got three moms now. Happy?"

"Yes," Clarke, Echo and Octavia all said together, before laughing.