A/N: Since I'm a sadistic asshole I actually considered not doing a follow up to the last chapter. But I needed to do something to get me out of this writer's block. So, I decided to just free write this and not stop at every word to criticize myself. I don't know if it worked, but at least it's something?
Never Been Happier - Part Two.
She's already moving towards the ambulance when a gentle hand on her shoulder stops her. "Ma'am, listen, you should really let us take care of you."
Without looking at the EMT worker, and with her stare not wavering from Amanda's lifeless body, Olivia shakes her head, trying to move again. "No, I'm going with her."
"She's in the best hands right now-" The man objects. "And there's nothing you can do in that ambulance."
"No, you don't understand-" She says, ignoring how the ground sways beneath her.
"Besides-" He continues, "your injuries look pretty bad, you shouldn't even be standing up."
Begrudgingly, she turns to look at him, desperate to end this conversation so she can get closer to Amanda before she's taken away. "Listen, I'm an NYPD captain, and she's my-" Olivia swallows, the lump in her throat growing larger as she chooses her next words; She's my subordinate, my detective, my best friend, my family. "She's my family." The brunette finally chokes out. "I'm not leaving her."
With frustration in his eyes, he looks from her to the ambulance, clearly trying to calculate just how much trouble he's going to be in if he makes the wrong decision. But finally, he sighs, nodding. "Fine."
Free to move at last, she rushes over, ignoring the pain in her body when she steps into the back of the car, quickly moving over to the side of the gurney.
"Amanda." Olivia whispers, clearing her throat while grabbing the blonde's hand. "I'm right here, ok? I'm not going anywhere." She moves only when necessary, when the stoic looking ambulance technician needs space to check Amanda's vitals and hook her up to an IV.
"We have a pulse." The woman says calmly. "But it's faint."
A faint pulse is better than no pulse at all, Olivia keeps thinking, doing what she can to stay somewhat composed.
"Four minutes." The driver calls out.
Four minutes.
"Did you hear that, honey?" She murmurs, squeezing the detective's hand. "Just hold on, ok?"
But just then, she watches in horror as Amanda's body goes completely rigid; Her head thrown back and only the whites in her eyes showing. Her jaw clenched and every single muscle seemingly contracting. It's over almost as soon as it started, but all though calm, the blonde now looks alarmingly pale.
"What just happened?" Olivia asks, looking from Amanda to the EMT who is now busy checking the detective's pupils.
"Probably a brain bleed." The other woman responds. "Won't know for sure until we-" And then everything happens all at once, as blood starts running from Amanda's nose, and those slow and steady beeps keeping track of her pulse fades into nothing.
"We're losing her!"
Olivia feels utterly helpless then, and she can do nothing but watch as the blonde's dress is cut open, incapable of looking away as inch by inch of stained lace is ripped open. And suddenly she's not in an ambulance anymore. But somewhere else entirely, sipping champagne, watching this very dress in a very different setting.
"It's too much, Liv." Amanda mumbles, staring at herself in the mirror, turning around a third time to look over her shoulder, checking the back of the dress once again.
"But it's so perfect." Olivia protests, surprised by the tears now stinging her eyes. And honestly, a little surprised by the detective's reaction to wearing a dress she had insisted she didn't want or need.
Because Amanda's demands as a bride to be had been clear as day: No bachelorette's party. No bridal shower. The only thing she wanted from Olivia was to help her get ready and "just make sure I don't flee the country."
And yet, somehow, they had ended up here. Six weeks before the wedding, the maid of honor watching Amanda try on dresses that she had no intentions of buying.
"I'll admit, it does look pretty damn good on me." The blonde grins, turning around again. "But it's gonna be such a simple wedding. It doesn't really fit with the whole backyard theme thing."
"It fits you, Amanda. And you look so happy in it."
"I shouldn't have let you talk me into doing this." She sighs as her glance move from the mirror to the brunette sitting a few feet away in the large dressing room. "This close to the wedding."
"Are you saying yes to the dress?" Olivia smirks, eyeing the other woman from head to toe.
"You actually watch that show, don't you?"
"I've seen the commercial for it, and that was more than enough." The captain shoots back, rolling her eyes jokingly before her face softens. "But are you? Saying yes?"
"Yeah." The detective finally says, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Perfect."
When Amanda exits the dressing room, Olivia is already busy putting her card back in her wallet, along with the receipt the cashier just handed to her.
"What are you doing?" The blonde asks, confused when she reaches the checkout counter.
"Paying." The other woman shrugs.
"Liv!" She exclaims, grabbing Olivia's arm. "I can't let you-"
"You just did." The brunette smiles. "It's my wedding gift, Amanda."
And now that same dress is nothing but a pile of chopped up fabric; Ivory lace and satin, scattered around Amanda, who's bruised chest is now left fully exposed. Making her look frailer than Olivia has ever seen her before.
As the EMT and the defibrillators work to get her back, she squeezes her eyes shut, holding her breath as she waits for any sign of life.
But it doesn't come.
"Ma'am." A stranger's voice says, making her flinch. "Let's move over here and get you checked out, ok?"
Confused, Olivia looks around the bustling ER. Glossy eyes searching for Amanda who was just in front of her in the ambulance. But she's nowhere to be found.
"Wh- Where are we?"
"Mercy." The nurse responds, a worried stare studying the captain's face. "Your friend? Amanda was it? They just took her into surgery."
The room spins around her then, realizing that she must've blocked out the last five or ten minutes. Surgery. Blood. Dress. Wedding.
"I need to call her hus-" She hears herself say before stopping, shaking her head. "I need to call her fiancé."
"We can do that for you. Is he listed in her emergency contacts?"
"Yes, but no-" She shakes her head again, blinking a few times when she notices how bad it's pounding. "I need to call him."
He can't hear this from a stranger.
And a moment later, she's standing there, leaning against a counter, a trembling hand clutching a phone. Waiting to ruin what was supposed to be best day of Carisi's life.
"Liv?" He says, sounding like he's out of breath. "Where are you? What the hell is going on?"
"Carisi, I… I'm so sorry."
"Liv? What?"
"I'm at the hospital with Amanda. We got in a car accident on our way to the wedding."
"Wh- What are you talking about?"
"You need to get here." She mumbles, head falling down when the room starts spinning more violently.
"How bad?"
"Bad." She whispers, finding that right now she would do anything to switch places with the blonde. It would've ruined the wedding day just the same, but at least it wouldn't have broken Carisi's heart. And Amanda would be fine.
"Which hospital?" He asks, and it takes a while for her to register the question, because tiny, black spots are swimming before her eyes now. "Liv, which hospital?"
"Mercy." She hears herself say, and a second later, her body hits the floor.
"Liv?"
She thinks she can recognize the voice, but it sounds so far away and as hard as she tries, her eyes won't open. "Liv." She hears again. "You with me?"
"Mm." It's not what she had planned to say, but it's the only thing she can muster right now. Partly from that heavy feeling in her body, partly from the pain of moving her lips. So Olivia decides to focus on her eyes instead, forcing herself to blink a few times. Squinting from the sharp fluorescent light in the ceiling.
"Hey." Barba smiles, squeezing her hand. "There you are."
"What happened?"
"You passed out." He says. "Most likely from stress, they've done a full checkup and you don't have any major injuries, but you're pretty banged up."
She touches her lip then, where she finds something that she quickly recognizes as a few stitches, before moving a hand to her forehead where a large bandage has been wrapped around her head.
"Amanda?" She asks, the memories suddenly rushing back; Her lifeless body, the seizure, the wedding dress.
"Maybe you should get some more rest first?" Barba says softly, leaning forward in the chair next to her bed.
"No." Olivia protests. "Tell me."
"Still in surgery."
"For?"
"Liv, I really think-"
"Just tell me."
"Ruptured spleen and-" He looks down between them, clearly struggling to get the next words out. "And a brain bleed. We don't really know anything right now. She's been in there for four hours."
"Carisi?" She says, failing to ignore how her mind is quickly filled with potential worst-case scenarios. Amanda not waking up. Amanda waking up, and not being Amanda anymore. Never hearing her laugh again. Never hugging her again, working a case together, bantering in the squad room, sleepovers with the kids.
"In the waiting room."
"Noah? The girls?"
"With Carisi's parents." Barba explains. "And Lucy is with them too."
Usually the one to talk people into anything in the matter of minutes, it takes a little longer for her to convince the nurse that she's stable enough to go see Amanda in the ICU as soon as she gets word that the blonde is finally out of surgery.
But now she's finally here, standing in the doorway, feeling out of place and a little awkward in the gown they had put her in while she was unconscious. Tears quickly start to well up as she watches the scene in front of her; Carisi still in his suit, leaning his elbows on the side of the bed, clutching Amanda's hand with his. Like he's praying. With her, and for her.
"Carisi." She finally whispers, making him turn around.
"Liv." He says, not doing anything to hide the fact that he's crying. His eyes and nose red, the rest of him just as pale as the woman in the hospital bed. "How are you?"
"I'm so sorry." She responds. "I'm so, so sorry."
"No." He shakes his head. "This wasn't your fault."
"It's your wedding day." Olivia says, tears now falling freely from her eyes too. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."
"No." The ADA agrees. "It wasn't." He turns then, looking at Amanda again. "I just-" He starts, but a sob interrupts him and his head falls down, making him look entirely defeated.
Carefully, like the blonde is just sleeping and Olivia doesn't want to wake her, she moves to the other side, pulling the empty chair closer, reaching for Amanda's other hand.
"She's strong, Carisi." She says, trying to convince herself as much as him. "She'll get through this."
"She has to." He whispers eventually. "I can't… We can't lose her."
"We won't."
"Do you need anything?" He asks after a while of them just sitting there in silence, watching Amanda's bruised but equally peaceful face. "Did you talk to Noah?"
"Yeah." Olivia nods. "And I told your mom that you'd call when you could."
"I'll go and call her right now." Carisi says, pressing a kiss against the blonde's knuckles before he gets up from the chair. "Are you good to stay with her?"
"I'm not leaving."
He exits the room, but only for a minute before he returns, carrying a blanket. Gently, he wraps it around Olivia's shoulders and whispers "this wasn't your fault, Liv." And then, for the first time since they left the captain's apartment many hours ago, she finds herself alone with Amanda.
At first, she just cries silently, slowly running her thumb over Amanda's knuckles. But after a while, a surge of anger runs through her instead, abruptly replacing that heavy feeling in her chest.
"Ok, Rollins." She starts, clearing her throat and straightening up before she continues. "You can't die." Her voice is stern, much sterner than she has spoken to the blonde in months, maybe even years.
"I know you don't like taking orders, but I need you to listen to me right now. You have two beautiful girls and a man who loves you, who needs you. And you can't leave them. Do you hear me? You didn't get this far in life only to leave it now."
She squeezes her hand repeatedly, willing Amanda to wake up from her touch. "And I know… I know it doesn't always seem like it, but I need you." Her voice cracks. "Shit, I should've told you that a long time ago. I need you, and I love you, and you have to wake up. Ok? Can you hear me?"
But there's no response from the woman lying in the hospital bed. Her chest keeps moving, but other than that, there's no sign of life.
"Goddamnit, Amanda." Olivia whispers through clenched teeth. "Can you just listen to me? And do what I say?"
Nothing.
And that's when the tears come back, as she rests her aching head on the side of Amanda's bed. "Please."
She feels stupid now, more than anything else. Stupid for never telling the other woman just how much she appreciates her and their friendship. Stupid for all the times she should've said "I'm proud of you", but didn't. It's not that she thinks Amanda doesn't know, but hasn't she lost enough people to know that you should always say these things out loud?
And now it might be too late, she thinks, as her tears continues to soak white sheets.
But then-
"Bossy." Olivia suddenly hears, and for a short moment, she wonders if she's asleep and dreaming, because the voice is just so faint, and weak. And too good to be true.
"So bossy."
Immediately, she raises her head, finding blue and tired eyes looking back at her.
"Hi." The brunette whispers, feeling like she can't fully allow herself to believe that Amanda is actually awake, and talking.
"Hey." Amanda responds, trying a smile as her eyes keep falling down, looking like she has to concentrate deeply to keep them open. "You ok?" She mumbles.
"Yes." Olivia says, just as a breathy chuckle escapes. "Yes, I'm ok."
"You don't look ok." The detective protests, her eyes more focused now as she studies the other woman's face.
"Yeah, well, neither do you." The brunette says, reaching up to tuck a few blonde strands behind Amanda's ear. "God, it's so good to hear your voice."
"What happened?"
"We were in a car accident."
"On my wedding day?" Amanda huffs. "That's a little excessive."
"Yeah." Olivia laughs. "I agree."
She grants herself no more than five seconds of just taking in the sight of a conscious, smiling Amanda before she lifts herself up. "I'm gonna go find Carisi." She says, placing a careful kiss against the other woman's forehead. "He's been so worried."
There are quite a few moments Olivia knows will be etched on her mind for the rest of her life. Some really bad, and some breathtakingly beautiful. And this, watching Carisi rush over to Amanda's side, the woman he's been wanting to call his wife since the first time he laid eyes on her, is most definitely one of those beautiful moments.
She does nothing to stop the tears as she listens to Amanda's tired laugh, and Carisi's relieved chuckles. Her heart nearly bursting in her chest as the ADA continues to place careful kisses against the blonde's lips and cheeks, telling her over and over again how much he loves her.
Even when the room is bustling with doctors and nurses a minute later, making sure Amanda is in fact ok, she finds herself grinning at the sight in front of her.
She's alive. She's alive. She's ok. She's here.
"Carisi." Amanda says when the poking and probing is finally over and they're left alone again, reaching out to grab him by the elbow, trying to sit herself up a little.
"What?" He asks softly, helping her get more comfortable against the pillows.
"Can you call Barba? And get your parents to bring the kids?"
"Do you need a lawyer or something?" The ADA jokes, confused eyes looking from her to Olivia who is now back in the chair on the other side of the bed.
"No." The blonde laughs, wincing a little from the pain it causes. "Well, yes. I need him to get here and officiate our wedding."
His eyes widen then. "Now? Here?"
Amanda nods. "I don't want to wait a minute longer."
"Babe, maybe they should make sure that your brain isn't still bleeding?"
"I'm fine. Or, I will be when I can finally call you my husband. Can you call him? Please?"
And somehow, an hour later, the original wedding party find themselves cramped into Amanda's hospital room; Fin and Phoebe, Carisi's parents, Olivia with Noah in her lap, and Jesse and Billie snuggled together in the hospital bed.
"I do." Amanda whispers, looking into Carisi's eyes. "God, I do." She grins into the kiss that follows shortly after, clearly lost in the moment and oblivious to the small crowd cheering around them.
"Now you can make a baby, mama!" Jesse exclaims as soon as the cheering dies down, triggering a wave of laughter from the guests.
"I think that'll have to wait a few days, Jess." The detective chuckles, running a hand through her daughter's hair before resting her head back against the pillows, swallowing a yawn that threatens to escape.
"Maybe give it a few weeks." Carisi's dad chimes in, sending a wink towards his son.
"Don't listen to them, honey." Amanda's new mother in law scoffs, moving over to the side of the bed to grab her hand. "The only thing you should worry about right now is getting enough rest."
"I will." The blonde mumbles, smiling tiredly and fighting the urge to fall asleep right there and then.
"And speaking of that." The ADA's mother says, carefully caressing Amanda's cheek. "You should get some sleep."
"Not exactly the wedding night I had in mind." She jokes when it's just her and Carisi in the room, not holding back her yawns anymore.
"Well, right now-" He says, dropping his suit jacket on the chair before climbing into bed with her. "This is perfect."
She hums, sleep already taking over as she nuzzles her head under his chin. "Love you."
"I love you." Carisi murmurs, kissing the top of her head. "So much."
…
A/N: And they lived happily ever after, right? Right?!
Also, if you're waiting for the next chapter of "All Eyes On Me", I'm sorry. It's coming, and I haven't abandoned the story, but I literally hate everything I write right now. Sigh.