A/N: We're meeting Mama Carisi! Except the bts content, I have no idea what's going to happen in this episode. But I do have some thoughts about how Amanda might be feeling, and how I want this interaction to play out. Hope you approve! I'm also super excited to read other fics about this, because the possibilities just feel so endless :)
Staten Island Bliss
"Pick up, pick up, pick up…" Amanda whispers into the phone, pacing back and forth on the pavement outside Olivia's apartment building. It's not really that cold outside, but she shivers nonetheless. "Pick up."
"Rollins?"
"Oh, thank god." She sighs, moving towards the entrance. "Are you home?" The blonde asks. "Can I come up?"
"Uh, yeah, sure."
She feels stupid as soon as the elevator door closes, mentally kicking herself for sounding so dramatic, for needing too much. But she just can't help the way her heart is racing, and the way she can't stop her mind from playing out worst case scenarios.
She could've just told Carisi how nervous she actually is, and surely he would've comforted her in all the right ways. But right now she just needs someone to gently slap some sense into her. And, bless his kind heart, Carisi doesn't do that.
"Aunt Amanda!" Noah exclaims as soon as she enters the living room, pausing the game he was just playing.
"Hey buddy." Amanda smiles, willing herself to look somewhat calm on the outside, moving over to the couch where she places a quick kiss to the top of his head. "How's your game going?" She asks, nodding towards the TV. "Any progress?"
"Good." He grins. "I made it to level 47! Do you wanna play?"
"Maybe next weekend? I'm kind of in a rush." The blonde says, finding that she would absolutely prefer spending a few hours next to Noah on the couch, playing PlayStation while pretending adult life doesn't exist. Much to her dismay though, adult life does exist and right now it's kicking her ass.
"Can I borrow your mom for a minute?" She asks then, glancing over to where Olivia is leaning against the kitchen counter with that confused expression on her face still intact.
"Yeah, but you have to give her back."
"I'll try." Amanda chuckles while rounding the corner of the couch, grabbing the brunette's hand and pulling her down the hallway and towards the bedroom.
"What's going on?" Olivia asks as soon as the door is closed behind them.
Without answering, the detective throws the dress bag and her purse on the other woman's bed before she starts to undress; Shirt first before she hastily kicks off her shoes and unbuttons her jeans.
"Wow, ok-" The captain laughs, taking a few steps backwards. "I'm flattered, but with Noah just outside?"
"Ha-ha." Amanda mumbles dryly while rolling her eyes, pulling her socks off one by one.
As confusion slowly turns into worry, Olivia leans against her dresser and folds her arms. "Seriously, what's going on?"
"Remember how I told you I was meeting Carisi's mom this weekend?" Amanda says, opening the dress bag.
"Yeah?"
"And I was like 'no big deal, it'll be fine'?" She gestures randomly around the room while mimicking herself from their conversation a few days prior.
"Yeah?"
"Well-" The detective starts, now working to get the dress on. "It is a big fucking deal." She says when the dress is halfway over her head, sounding like she just finished a marathon. "And what if it won't be fine?"
"Amanda…"
"No, seriously." She protests, dragging her hands over the fabric to smooth it out before she turns around, motioning for the other woman to zip her up while holding her hair up. "What if I fuck this up? Hm? What if she hates me? And you know Carisi, he's all about family, if they don't like me, he'll break up with me, and-"
"Ok-" Olivia interrupts while carefully zipping up the dress, placing a hand against the detective's back, letting it rest there for a few seconds before she moves it in a soothing circle. "Breathe."
"I am breathing."
"No, you're hyperventilating." The other woman argues, her voice a mix of gentle and stern. "Breathe with your stomach."
Amanda lets go off her hair then, closing her eyes while inhaling deeply three times before she finally turns around. "Can I wear this?" She asks, throwing her arms out.
"Yes, you're beautiful." The brunette says. "And you'll be fine."
The faint smile that appears on her face quickly fades away as she slumps down on the side of Olivia's bed. "Liv-" She starts, looking down at her hands. "I can't… I'm not the kind of girl that mother in laws usually like."
"Maybe you weren't." Olivia answers honestly, sinking down next to where Amanda is sitting. "But you're not that person anymore. Look how far you've come. What you've accomplished."
"What if they'll judge me for having two kids out of wedlock?" The blonde mumbles, lifting her head to look at the woman next to her.
"Then fuck 'em" The captain shrugs.
"Wow, ok." Amanda responds, letting out a short laugh. "That was harsh."
"No, seriously. It's 2022. People have kids in all kinds of ways. If they can't see past that, and appreciate how you've managed just fine on your own. Then… fuck 'em." Olivia says, shrugging again before she lowers her voice. "But don't tell Carisi I said that."
"I would never." The detective grins.
Mirroring her grin, Olivia throws an arm around the other woman's shoulder, pulling her in a little closer. "You've got this, Amanda."
"You sure?"
"Convinced."
"Thank you." Amanda murmurs, feeling her body finally start to relax, at least a little, before she lifts herself up from the bed. "And sorry, for barging in like this." She chews on her lip when she takes in the mess she just made with her scattered clothes.
"Any time." Olivia smiles while watching the blonde collect her belongings before she finally steps into the heels she just pulled out of her purse. "Go, have a good time, and let me know how it went."
"I will."
"Oh-" The captain says just as they're about to exit her bedroom. "And maybe keep the 'fucks' to a minimum."
"Ha-ha."
…
"Amanda." Serafina smiles, pulling her in for a hug as soon as they reach the porch. "It's so nice to finally meet you."
"Likewise." She hears herself say, mentally cringing from how formal she just sounded.
"Sonny has been talking about you for years."
And just like that, Amanda forgets about her own choice of words because the man standing next to her is suddenly so flustered and cute.
"Ma-" Carisi complains, leaning in to place a quick kiss against his mother's cheek.
"For years, huh?" She teases through a mumble when they step inside the house, getting an eye roll in return.
"Come, join me in the kitchen." Serafina grabs Amanda's hand then while gesturing Carisi towards the living room. "You go say hi to your dad."
And suddenly the nerves are back in full force. Because now she's worried about Carisi's mother expecting her to be the same master chef as her son. That she's supposed to know all the dos and dont's in the Italian kitchen, when she can barely function in a regular one. But not long after she realizes that maybe she had no reason to worry at all.
"Here, honey-" Mrs. Carisi says, handing Amanda a glass of wine. "It'll make dinner with everyone a lot easier, trust me." She winks, watching the blonde accept the glass albeit a little hesitantly.
Her initial plan was to stay sober, not exactly sure why because it's not like she can't hold her liquor. But for some reason, she had decided that it was best to play it safe.
Maybe one glass won't hurt, she thinks, taking a careful sip before cradling the glass to keep her hands from fidgeting.
"Do you need help with anything?" Amanda asks, pretending like she's not dreading the answer.
"Not at all. You just make yourself comfortable." The other woman says, gesturing towards one of the stools on the other side of the kitchen island. "I just enjoy the company of other women in my kitchen, reminds me of my family in Italy."
She exhales quietly from relief, lifting herself up on the chair. "Sonny's told me about them."
"You should go there sometime, you'd love it."
"I'm sure I would." Amanda smiles, glancing over at a few pictures on the fridge that she quickly recognizes from the pictures Carisi's has shown her. "I'm just not sure how we would both get time off work."
"You're both so busy." The other woman sighs while stirring the sauce. "He talks about what an excellent detective you are."
"He does?"
"All the time." The ADA's mother looks over her shoulder and smirks, clearly finding a lot of joy in ratting her son out like this. "You started out in Georgia, right?"
"Mhm." Amanda confirms with a nod. "That's where I'm from."
"But then you decided to move? Even though your family was still there?"
She takes another sip of her wine, this one definitely more generous than the first ones. Inhaling deeply and slowly before she continues. "Yeah, uhm, my family is a little complicated, and-" She stops briefly, studying the other woman's eyes for a moment while deciding what to say next. "Something happened to me on the job. I couldn't stay after that."
Serafina's face softens in an instant, and without knowing how or why, the blonde detective immediately feels like the woman looking back at her understands what she's talking about.
"Oh, honey." She says, tilting her head. "I'm so sorry."
"It's ok." Amanda shakes her head, forcing a smile. "It was a long time ago. All in the past."
Suddenly she feels hot and uncomfortable, regretting her own honesty. And she looks down at her hands, cradling the glass while searching her brain for a topic, any topic, to steer them away from this.
"No, sweetie-" Serafina starts before closing the distance between them. "That doesn't make it ok. That must've been so hard for you. And then moving up here all by yourself?"
"Yeah, well-" The detective shrugs.
"That takes guts." Carisi's mother says, reaching out to grab Amanda's hand. "Your girls are so lucky to have a strong mama like you."
She's finally able to meet her eyes then, mirroring her smile. "My girls are lucky I have so many good people in my life who cares about them, including your son."
"Oh, I know how much he cares." Serafina chuckles while moving back towards the stove. "I feel like I already know them from all the pictures and videos he's been sending us, and we can't wait to meet them."
"I'll bring them, next time." She hears herself say, surprised at how emotional she's now feeling. Realizing that maybe it comes from knowing that her girls will be welcomed into this family with open arms. That "next time" also means the time after that, and the time after that.
"But you know, Amanda…" The other woman mumbles, joining her by the kitchen island yet again. "I know that Sonny cares, and that he's been there for you and the girls, but I don't want you downplaying how much you've had to do on your own. You should be proud of that."
"Thank you, Mrs. Carisi." She responds, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"First, you call me ma' or Sera. Second, thank you. For making my boy so happy."
Just as she's about to say something about how Carisi is making her very happy too, said man enters the kitchen, effectively putting an end to their conversation.
"How's everything going in here?" The ADA asks, resting his hand on Amanda's shoulder.
"Think your mom is trying to get me drunk before dinner." The blonde mumbles, gesturing towards the now empty glass in front of her.
"She is, huh?"
"Why don't you guys set the table before your sisters get here?"
They're ushered out of the kitchen then, and when Carisi lowers his voice and asks if she survived the interrogation, she smiles, relieved that she can give him an honest answer. "I did."
Growing up, family dinners were never a pleasant affair. The few times it lasted more than fifteen minutes before her parents started to yell at each other, it was only because her dad was too drunk to start a fight, or even join them by the table.
So no, she never liked the idea of family dinners and get-togethers.
But no one is yelling at her now. No one is too drunk. If anything, she's the one who's close to getting a little tipsy, and so she reaches for the glass of water instead.
There are definitely loud voices, and bottles being passed around, but not in the way that she's used to. Not in the way that makes her heart pound and her shoulders tense. And when Carisi's hand finds hers under the table, Amanda leans back on her chair, finally able to relax.
…
"How did it go?" The text reads when she checks her phone, her full stomach making it hard to get comfortable in the passenger seat.
"Good, I think. I swear I've gained like fifteen pounds."
"I'm sure they love you already." Olivia responds, and that's when Amanda turns to look at the man behind the steering wheel.
She wants to tell him how grateful she is; For his family being so welcoming and inviting, for including her in their inside jokes, for making her feel appreciated. But for now, she just wants to look at him for a moment. Take a few seconds out of their usually crazy lives just to feel, and be happy.
"I hope so." She eventually types before leaning back against the headrest, eyes closed.
Driving back to the city, Carisi keeps glancing over at her when he realizes that she has fallen asleep in the seat next to his. It's not often that he gets to see her this peaceful and content looking, and one part of him just wants to drive around like this forever.
But if she was awake right now, he would tell her how much he loves her, how much his family loves her, and how insanely proud he is to introduce her as his girlfriend.
And while making sure that the small box his mother handed him earlier in the evening is still securely placed in his pocket, he can't help but wonder how it's going to feel when he, if he's lucky enough, finally gets to introduce her as his wife.