Chapter 54
Palla watched her sleep. She'd never really seen Clarke actually at peace and she knew that this was the most relaxed that she'd ever seen her. Rain had a tendency to make you relax, even on the battlefield, but this was different. It was like Clarke's soul was a little lighter. She was glad that she could see it. She didn't know everything about Clarke's past, but she'd guessed at enough of it to realize what the blonde had done and gone through in order to survive on Earth. She felt for her, because she understood her. Maybe that was another reason she was drawn to her. She shook her head and leaned against the edge of the tent to look outside at the tapering rain.
The rain was consistent, but it had let up some. She knew that they would be hungry soon. The fire would need to be lit in order for them to eat, at least in some comfort. She made sure to cover Clarke up with her blankets and unzipped the tent door. Stepping out, she was glad that she grabbed her light armor sweater. The rain wasn't that cold, but the air was getting cooler with each passing hour.
She'd finished digging out a fire pit and finding dry enough wood when she felt someone by her side. She looked over and saw Echo. She tall warrior said nothing to her as she started setting the wood and getting some kindling to light. They moved together efficiently and without effort. It was like they knew each other better than they did, but it was more than that. They knew what needed to be done for them to comfortable and to survive the cold and rain.
"Clarke asleep?"
"Yes."
"She warm enough?" Echo asked.
"I hope so. I gave her my blankets when I came out here. If not, she'll wake soon enough to let us know," Palla replied. "How are Madi and Octavia faring?"
"Warm enough, I think. Clarke was right to put both of us with heda. She is small and thin."
"She doesn't keep much heat for herself?" Palla questioned with a grin.
"No, she doesn't. At times while we napped, it was like she was trying to wear us as blankets. O will keep her warm enough. Her skin is like fire. Being that close to her, I almost didn't need a fur, but I kept one on just because Madi was between us," Echo stated.
"We don't have any meat," Palla said offhandedly as she started for the horses.
She didn't notice that Echo was following her. She looked over to see Echo pulling out some arrows and her bow. She grabbed a parka made out fur and slipped it over her head. She checked her belt and daggers, before she looked back over at Palla.
"I'll go find something. Stay here with them. You know this place better and will be able to move them if needed. I know cold and hunting. One of the few things being from Azgeda will get you," Echo told her, leaving no room for argument, and headed off into the woods near by.
Palla just shook her head. She'd never been put in her place so many times as she had with Echo and Octavia. She knew that they weren't being rude with her. They were doing their job and protecting their charges. She also knew that it meant a lot for Echo to trust her with Heda and Wanheda's lives. She grabbed some more blankets from their packs.
She checked each horse. Then she found another small shelter piece. She wasn't sure what it was for, but she decided to erect it for the saddles. She needed to make sure that the horses were warm. She carefully unsaddled each horse and put blankets on them. She stacked the saddles under the shelter half and when she was done, she pulled it down and tucked it around them. This way they wouldn't get wet, or if it did turn to snow, they wouldn't be covered in ice in the morning.
Looking at the sky, she realized that it would be stupid to try to trek back in the muck. She hoped that it would finally taper off completely and stop. It wasn't that she minded riding in the rain, she really didn't. She hated riding in the cold rain, and this rain was definitely cold.
Her thoughts were broken by the sound of a zipper. She looked over at the tent and saw Octavia peeking out. She looked worried, but she settled as soon as she caught sight of Palla. Palla moved back towards the fire to dry off a little and get warm. She had the rest of the blankets with her. She handed Octavia a few sets and then moved to go back to her tent with Clarke.
"Where's Echo?" Octavia asked.
"She went to hunt."
"Damn, ice blood."
"What?" Palla questioned as she turned to face blazing green eyes over the fire.
"Echo is Ice Nation or Azgeda. She has ice blood. She can handle the cold. I can't."
"She called your fire blood," Palla said with a laugh.
"She did?"
"Yeah, something about you were burning her with your heat, but Madi was shivering, so it was a good thing that both of you were there for her," Palla told her.
"She would," Octavia lamented. "How long ago did she go?"
"Not long."
"Is there anything that you need me to do?"
"No, not really. I've already dealt with the caballos. Echo is hunting. The fire is banked for now. I think we will be good until the morning," Palla stated.
"It would figure that we would be stuck out here over night," Octavia said.
"Why miss someone?"
Octavia snapped her head up quickly and glared at Palla. She couldn't help the smirk that was on her face. Everyone knew that Octavia was with Niylah by now. It was the worst kept secret amongst them, but they really didn't seem to mind.
"How long until snow?" Octavia asked.
"It won't be long now."
"What about Ferre and the baby? I thought that you would travel back to be there for the birth. Traveling in the snow is hard. Are you going to wait?"
"I will go soon. I want to make sure that you'll have what you need and you'll be okay until I can make a break to get back. The snows here get deep. If I go just after the first snow, it might be weeks or month before I can get back, instead of days. I won't go unless I know that you all are cared for and have what you need."
"You don't think that we know how to survive?" Octavia asked as she blistered at the thought of being unworthy somehow in Palla's eyes.
"No, nothing like that. It is just that I know how our winters are and you don't. I never meant to offend, Octavia. It is obvious that your people are survivors. If not, you wouldn't have made it this far," Palla told her. "I will feel better knowing that you supplies, heat, and enough furs to last out the snow."
"Why do you care so much about us?" Octavia asked as she watched Palla sit down on a rock by the fire.
"Should I not?"
"I didn't say that, but it just seems odd that you care so much about us. You don't know us. But, you give us land, supplies, caballos, things that we want or wish for. You treat us with respect and equals, but also a little like children or your subjects. It doesn't bother me. I'm used to it. It comes naturally to us for following Heda, but you are different about it."
"How so?"
"You remind me of Lexa somehow," Octavia told her truthfully.
"Because I care?"
"Because you think outside the box. You put your people first. I'm still not sure that I can repay you for finding me that day in the woods, but I will try."
"There is nothing to repay, Octavia. I was just doing my job. I was protecting my people."
"You thought I crossed the wall?"
"The thought crossed my mind, yes, but I didn't think that you were suicidal. I was more worried about what the Praha were going to do to you. If they killed you, I would have to start a war," Palla answered.
"But, we aren't your people," Octavia argued.
"Landing here, staying here, making a life here, all of that makes you my people, Octavia. I would fight the entire nation of the Praha for any of you, from Heda down to the lowliest of your people. You are all mine now. It doesn't matter that you aren't going to live in the Village or any of our other established settlements. I don't care that you haven't bonded with my people. I don't expect you to do that.
"You were once thirteen clans. I know that the Boat People are gone. You, yourself, bonded your people into one clan. Wonkru is still the last nation of man from Earth, Octavia and as much as you don't want it, you are one of their leaders. I would be a fool not to accept you as an equal."
"I am no leader," Octavina told her.
"That is where you are wrong," Palla started.
"How am I a leader? I tried to kill Clarke. I tried to kill Madi. Hell, I even tried to kill my own brother. I lead my people into a bloody ambush and destroyed most of the nation because of my need for power. They don't need me. They never did. I was just a pawn."
"Were you a pawn when you lived beneath the floor?"
"No."
"Were you a pawn when you took up arms to save Lincoln?"
"No."
"Were you a pawn when you fought to save Skaikru?"
"No."
"Were you a pawn when you got revenge for Lincoln's murder?"
"No," Octavia hissed.
"Did Lexa ever treat you like a pawn in her political games?"
"No."
"Were you a pawn when you fought for your people for the rights to the bunker?"
"NO."
"Were you a pawn when you kept them alive through the Dark Year?"
"No."
"So, tell me, Octavia, when did you become a pawn?" Palla asked her.
Octavia looked at her hard. Her eyes focused and stared deeply into Palla's dark eyes. Palla didn't flinch. She didn't move. She let Octavia stare at her. She wanted to laugh, but she held her tongue. It was an elite group that got to talk to her the way that Octavia did, and Palla knew that it was because she held power among her people, warranted or not. Octavia was Jusgonanow. That made her elite. She was Clarke's Sekken.
"You are still Wanheda's Skairipa, Sekken kow Wanheda, Jusgona kom Wanheda en Heda. Does that make you a pawn? Or, does it make you a leader to your people?"
Octavia sat back. She wasn't sure what to say. Palla had hit the nail on the head. She might not the leader, because that was Heda,but she was a leader.
"You remind me of her," Octavia said after a moment.
"Who?"
"Lexa. She used to talk to me like that. She used to make me see things that she saw, things I didn't want to see, and made me understand that I was more than just the 'girl under the floor.' I didn't want to like her. But, like you, she sacrificed for her people."
"Including her own happiness?"
"Yes, most definitely yes."
"How so?"
"She fell in love with Clarke and still walked away knowing that it would cost her Clarke."
"The Mountain?"
"Is there anything that Madi hasn't told you?" Octavia quipped with a small smile.
"They are just tales to her. She doesn't understand that you all lived through it. She has over a hundred years worth of memories in her head. She needs an outlet. She needs someone to talk to and sometimes she wants someone that isn't so close to her. I've become that person. I understand the demands of a leader. I know the pains of war and sacrifice, but for her, it is different than it is for you. She feels it all. Each life that is lost is like she's lost a child. I knew that when I went to get you, Octavia. And, so did she. Clarke cares as well. That is why they are good leaders. You care, but there is a difference," Palla told her. "Your problem is that you care, too, but you don't have that drive. You don't have the ability to command someone to die for you. You can take a life, but you can't send someone to theirs. You won't to take their spot. As a leader, sometimes you have to deal with acceptable loss. You just have to find the threshold. For Clarke, it is no one. She would die to protect all of you. For Madi, she can let those die that must if it means that the rest of you will survive."
"Lexa did that."
"She did?"
"Yeah, she walked away from the Mountain, saving her people, but sacrificing ours."
"But, that wasn't the only thing she lost was it?" Palla questioned.
"No, she betrayed Clarke. She took it personally. I don't blame her. I would have, too. But, Clarke stepped up and took the mountain. It broke her. It broke all of us, but none so much as Clarke. That is why she still fights so hard for us. That was the worst lesson that Lexa gave her as a leader. Acceptable loss is something that is hard for any leader to deal with. I know that. I refuse to lose anyone if I can prevent it."
"Which is why you declared war on death in the bunker. If you have a enemy to fight, it makes the sacrifice much more easier to accept. My problem is that I refuse to accept it. I have too much compassion. I want you all to live. So, that is my burden," Palla told her.
"And, I still thank you for that."
"Madi already did enough. Let it go, Octavia. I will never hold that against you."
"But, why did you risk yourself for me?"
"It wasn't just for you or Clarke or your people. I did it for mine. You were too close to the Praha. I couldn't let something happening to you cause a war. I refuse to allow us to go back down that road. I didn't like who I was then and I am not sure that I can become them again."
"For your people you will," Octavia stated.
"How do you know that?"
"Because just like Clarke, when the Wanheda is needed, she come," Octavia replied.
Neither of them could hear nor see Clarke, but she'd heard everything. She hadn't realized how much she'd sacrificed her soul for her people. She felt, but she didn't realize that they knew it and respected her so much for it. She didn't realize that Octavia understood her anger and her compassion. And, she realized that she wasn't the only one that thought that Palla was Lexa or that her levels for compassion and care were strange. To hear them talking, though, reminded her of how blindly devoted Octavia had once been to Lexa and how she was becoming to Palla now. What was it about Palla that drew them all in? What was it that was drawing her more and more in, too?