A/N: Ok, what even was episode 14? Is everyone breathing? I know I'm not. Are we suddenly living in beautiful fanfic world? Idk. I'm still trying to process it. So I wrote a post episode fic, dealing with both Rolivia feels and some Rollisi… tension? HEHE.
I take absolutely no responsibility for what's about to happen in this fic. But if you're not comfortable with slightly rough sex, and possessiveness, I'd advise you to step away from this one.
Tell Me You're Mine
"She'll have the same." Olivia says when the bartender gets nothing but a blank and lifeless stare from Amanda after asking for her order.
She's been watching the detective ever since they witnessed Bob Flynn's life end right in front of their eyes, wondering what's going on inside that busy head of hers. Wondering if she just needs a minute, or if this goes deeper than the case.
Before she can ask however, Amanda turns slightly on her chair, their eyes finally meeting. "You ok?" The blonde asks, her soft voice a definitive contrast to her pale expression.
"You're asking me?"
"Yeah, I mean, that was… a lot." She mumbles. But before Olivia can respond, the woman next to her has shifted her attention to the bartender and a moment later, two shots are placed in front of them.
The captain shakes her head when Amanda offers her one, getting only a simple shrug in response before the first goes down quickly.
I trust her, she reminds herself. She's allowed to blow off some steam. Especially after this.
But when the detective immediately reaches for the other glass, she can't help the instinct that kicks in, making her reach out and place a hand over her arm, as if to stop her.
"Hey-" Olivia starts, watching as Amanda gracefully moves her arm away, downing the second shot without any hesitation. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?"
"No." Amanda shakes her head, her jaw tense as the liquor is clearly burning her throat while she places the empty glass on top of the counter. "I… I definitely need a drink, or three, right now." She says, now reaching for the glass of wine that Olivia ordered for her. "We both do."
"Cause if you want to go home and be with the girls and Carisi, I get that."
"I don't think I'd be a very good mother right now." She mumbles, wiping the corner of her mouth before forcing a smile.
"That's not true." Olivia protests, giving the woman next to her a comforting smile that is anything but forced.
"No, not just tonight." She says, eyes turning glossy. "Not just because of the case."
"Then what?" The captain asks, and she's genuinely worried now. Worried that there's something Amanda isn't telling her. Something she might've missed, something she should've noticed.
"Never mind." The blonde shakes her head before taking a generous sip of her wine, looking like she regrets saying anything at all.
"Amanda."
Time seems to drag on then, but eventually she can see how the other woman's shoulders seem to relax just a little, recognizing that thing she does when she's finally giving in.
"I think…" She starts, hesitating a short moment before she goes on. "I think Carisi wants to adopt them."
"And you don't want that?"
"No, I do." Amanda says, followed by another sip. "Or I think I do. I mean, I know Murphy would be understanding, and Al… I don't know about Al. But it's not like he knows anything about Billie. He's got a wife and a one year old of his own."
With one eyebrow raised, Olivia leans back on her chair. "Did you stalk him on Facebook or something?"
"Instagram." The blonde shrugs, her expression completely neutral. "But the only connection he has to Billie is the college fund he set up for her."
"So, what's holding you back?"
"What you said. About not feeling like I deserve to be happy. And… Making that commitment to someone. I mean, does Carisi even know what he's getting himself into? I know, I know, he's been there for them since day one, he's changed their diapers and read them bed time stories, all of that, but-"
"But you're their mother." The brunette interrupts, giving Amanda a knowing look.
"This step-" She continues. "Going from Uncle Sonny, to dad?"
"I get it, it's… It's a big step." Olivia agrees. "For both of you."
"And what if it doesn't work out?" Amanda asks just as her empty glass I replaced with a full one, making the captain wonder how she missed the other woman ordering another.
"Ok, first." She says, stopping the blonde from reaching for the glass. "You're drinking too fast and giving yourself anxiety. Second, you know that no matter what happens between you and Carisi, he will always be there for Jesse and Billie. He would never abandon them."
"I know that, but-"
"But what?"
"They should've been his, Liv." The detective mumbles, tears welling up in her eyes. "Lately… I've been so happy, like really happy for the first time in my life-"
"I've noticed." Olivia smiles, letting go off the grip around Amanda's arm, sighing when the glass is once again lifted to the other woman's lips.
"And at the same time-" Amanda continues. "I've never regretted so many things all at once. Not doing it right. Waiting so long to finally show Carisi how I feel. Two kids with two random guys."
"Hey, what Bob said-"
"He was right." The blonde says, refusing to meet Olivia's eyes.
"No, Amanda, listen to me. He didn't know you. Don't let him or anyone else get inside of your head like that. He was a rapist, a criminal, and he didn't know anything about you."
"Clearly he knew enough." She mumbles while subtly wiping away an escaped tear.
"Can you just look at me?" The captain says then, trying to keep the tone in her voice both stern and gentle. "He hasn't been here all these years that I've known you. He didn't see how you overcame an addiction, raised two beautiful daughters as a single mother, all while balancing that with a stressful job. The way you've had to deal with so many things? Patton? Your family? You've come so far, Amanda. I see it in you every single day. And I'm so proud of you."
They sit in silence for a while, Olivia wondering if Amanda just heard what she said, Amanda trying to process every single word.
"When did you get so soft?" The detective eventually asks, laughing through the tears. "What happened to the captain Benson who cuffed me like I was some violent perp?"
"Was I a little rough?" The brunette snickers, reaching across the bar counter to grab a napkin for the woman next to her.
"A little rough?" Amanda scoffs jokingly while reaching out her hands, revealing a few red marks on her wrists. "They still hurt."
"Come on, Rollins." Olivia laughs, wrapping her fingers around the other woman's wrists. "Like you haven't wanted me to do that since you transferred from Atlanta."
"Shut up." The blonde gasps, releasing herself from Olivia's hold before grabbing the napkin. Mostly to cover the blush that spreads on her cheeks and chest. "So-" She says before clearing her throat, more than ready to change the subject. "You and Langan, huh? Thought you didn't date lawyers."
"Wasn't a date." The captain responds quickly, the smug look on her face suddenly replaced with a tight smile.
"No?" Amanda teases. "Sure looked like you had a good time. Did he take you home?"
But before she gets an answer to her probing question, Olivia's tight smile grows wider, her eyes not focused on the blonde anymore. "Your husband is here."
"Hey." Carisi greets, sounding slightly out of breath as he joins them, placing a hand on the small of Amanda's back. "You guys ok?"
"Hey honey." Amanda smirks.
"I think this one is ready to go home." The brunette says, nodding towards Amanda and then towards the empty glass in front of her.
"I hope you don't mind-" The ADA starts after eyeing the empty glass. "But I called and asked Sienna to stay the night, figured you could use some actual sleep after everything that happened."
"So, your place?" The blonde asks, grinning up at him as she turns fully on her chair, resting a hand against his chest.
"Ok, that's my cue to leave." Olivia shoots in quickly, collecting her things before letting the bartender know that she's ready to pay, noting that her detective definitely owes her a night out, maybe two.
"Take a couple of days off, Amanda." She says while placing her card back in her wallet, moving a hand to squeeze the other woman's shoulder when she notices how she's about to protest. "That's an order."
…
"You ok?" Carisi asks, worried eyes glued to his girlfriend when she pinches the top of her nose as he turns on the lights after entering his apartment.
"Yeah-" She waves him off while kicking off her shoes. "Just my head. Think the hangover is already kicking in."
"Get ready for bed." He says while hanging her coat. "And I'll bring you some water and Tylenol."
"I'm gonna take a shower first." Amanda responds after a long yawn, turning around in the middle of his living room, playing with the top buttons of her shirt. "Wanna join?"
He really doesn't understand why he does it. Maybe it's because she's a little drunk and he's completely sober? Maybe it's because she's clearly exhausted? Or maybe he has a few images in the back of his mind that he just can't seem to shake.
Images of everything that could've gone so horribly wrong, images of a gun pointed to her head, images of a rapist's hands on her body.
"Nah, you go ahead." He responds, grateful when she disappears down the hall without adding any questions.
When he enters his bedroom twenty minutes later, he's not really surprised and maybe a little relieved to find her already asleep. Her damp hair gathered in a loose bun that he knows will give her those beautiful waves in the morning, her chest rising and falling slowly.
Without waking her, he places the Tylenol and the bottle of water on the bedside table, kissing her cheek carefully before moving to the other side where he climbs into bed. Knowing that sleep won't come easy tonight, probably not at all.
He turns his head then, a faint smile on his lips as he watches her sleep.
At least the view is pretty.
…
"Hey…" Amanda mumbles, blinking her eyes open while moving closer to him in the darkness that surrounds them. "You're still awake?"
"How are you feeling?" He asks, ignoring her question. "Head any better?"
"Yeah, it's fine." She answers, pressing a kiss against his naked chest while wrapping an arm over his upper body. "But you're not."
"I'm good."
"Liar." She protests, glancing up at him with searching eyes. "Talk to me."
He looks at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she has sobered up enough for this conversation. If it's even ok for him to take up any space after the week she just had.
"I was worried about you." The ADA finally admits. "I've always worried, but it felt different this time. Knowing you were with him, not being close by to help you in case he… In case something happened."
She responds first with a soft hum, appreciating his honesty. All while sensing that there's still something he's not telling her.
"Were you… just worried? Or was there somethings else bothering you?"
"Ok, maybe I was a little jealous."
"You know nothing happened with him, right? You saw and heard everything."
"I know, and I trust you. I just… I can't stand the thought of another man's hands on you. Especially a man like that."
Instead of thinking, she acts; Lifting herself up before straddling him.
"If it makes you feel any better." Amanda says, adjusting a little to get more comfortable before leaning down, placing her mouth next to his ear. "I don't like another man's hands on me either."
"Amanda, you don't have to-" He starts, interrupted by the way she starts to rock her hips against him, eliciting a deep groan from his chest. "You don't have to prove anything to me."
"Maybe you need to prove something to me."
"What?" Carisi asks, clearly confused now.
"Show me." She says, her voice teasing as she moves to kiss him.
"What do you mean?" He mumbles, all though he might be getting some idea of what it is she wants from him.
"I want to see that side of you." Amanda mumbles back, lowering her voice while moving a hand down his chest and stomach as she sits herself up again. "I know it's in here somewhere."
"And what side is that exactly?"
She grabs his hand then, kissing a fingertip and then another. "That side that wanted to rip his head off for touching me-" She moves his hand to right between her breasts. "Here." Before she moves said hand down her stomach, eventually placing it on the inside of her thigh. "And here."
"He really touched you there?" The ADA asks, jaw clenched. Stuck somewhere between concern and jealousy.
"Maybe not that high up." The detective shrugs, biting her lip.
"What about here?" He says, moving his hand a little higher.
Amanda shakes her head no, and that's when he decides to put an end to the game she just started. "Here?"
"Carisi-" She gasps, his thumb suddenly moving in firm circles over lace, making her head fall back, gasping again when he adds just the right amount of pressure. "Only you." She whispers, finding his eyes again. "It's all for you."
She smirks when she notices that expression on his face, the expression that lets her know just how much he's trying to hold back, trying to let her stay in complete control. But she doesn't want that. Not tonight.
"Show me." She moans, repeating her words from before, grinding against his hand in a slightly brisker pace.
It looks like he hesitates, but only for a short beat. Because suddenly his hands have moved, grabbing her ass. "Get up here." He orders, not really giving her much of a choice as he practically lifts her up, making her move and straddle his face instead of his lap. "Mine." He mumbles, looking up at her before placing an open-mouthed kiss against the lace that barely covers her.
Amanda exhales slowly, nodding while removing the loose tank top she's still wearing, throwing it across the room. "Yours."
She knows from sweet, glorious experience that he usually likes to take his time with her. Likes to make sure that she's ready, give her time to change her mind if she wants to. Loves the foreplay that makes her sigh and beg and twist and turn.
But there's neither time nor need for that tonight.
And so she whimpers when he moves the lace, giving him full access. And then he's on her, making her hands slam against the wall in front of her before she grabs the headboard to keep her balance.
Usually a little self-aware in this position, she now finds herself grinding shamelessly against his mouth, using her body to give his tongue and his lips the direction needed to drive her closer.
Sounds continue to tumble out of her as he keeps working her higher and higher, but only when he pushes into her with two fingers does his name escape her in a high pitched cry that pierces through the otherwise silent room.
"Come." He says then, sucking in air, making it sound like a demand more than anything else. Clearly aware of the way her inner walls tighten around his fingers, the way she's struggling to stay in this position. Aware of the way she's holding her breath while chasing that inevitable peak that is reserved for him and only him to witness. And a moment later her head falls forward, her release causing several loud moans to fill the space between them before the only sound heard is a string of soft sighs and whimpers.
On any other night, this is when he would've kissed her inner thighs, let his nails trail the skin on her back, gently rub her spent muscles. He would've told her how much he loves her, how beautiful she is, how much he loves her body.
But before she even has time to catch her breath, their positions have changed. And he's no longer underneath her, but behind her. Kneading the flesh of her ass.
"Say it." He orders, adding some muscle to his touch, making her wince from the ache.
"Yours." Amanda responds breathlessly, just as she grabs the corners of the pillow in front of her, bracing herself for what's to come. "I'm yours."
It's only when he starts to fill her that she realizes just how sensitive she actually is, and how the sensation is bordering on painful. But tonight, that's exactly what she wants. She wants it to be just the perfect amount of too much. Enough to remind her, and him, that they belong to each other and no one else.
She falls down on her elbows when he hits a particularly sensitive spot, moaning into the pillow as she reaches behind her with one hand, fumbling to find his, intertwining their fingers to let him know that she's ok. Encouraging him to keep going.
It's his turn to moan her name now, but it's nearly lost on her because she's already close again.
"Fuck." He groans, adjusting his grip on her hips to keep her steady when her strength starts to falter.
"Don't-" She gasps, moving the hand intertwined with his to between her legs. "Come yet."
In the moment it doesn't make sense at all. She just knows that she isn't done with him yet. Or maybe he isn't done with her. It doesn't really matter right now, however. Because she's coming again, hard. Choked sobs being muffled by the pillow she's currently biting into.
"You good?" He asks, breathing heavily while stilling behind her, watching as he slips from her when she falls down against the mattress.
Unable to speak right away, Amanda gives him a thumbs up, forcing a smile to spread across his face as he leans forward, kissing his way up her naked back. She hums in response, knowing that she needs to move soon to avoid falling asleep again.
"Get up." She tells him, turning around on the mattress that feels damp to the touch.
"What do you need?" He murmurs, leaning down again to kiss her, only to be stopped by a hand against his chest.
"No." She scoots herself up until she's seated against the headboard. "This isn't about me anymore." She smiles while motioning for him to move closer, essentially making him hover over her. "I trust you." She says, and it's the last thing she says before she takes him in her mouth.
Her eyes stay locked to his as she uses her mouth and her hands on him, confident now that after nine months of doing this, she knows exactly what he likes. And then some.
And even now, after all this time, they are still learning new things about each other. Still seeing new sides, some of them kept well and deeply hidden.
Like this.
"This where he touched you?" He asks, moving his hand away from her cheek, his fingers tracing over the freckled skin between her breasts, still moving his hips in a mostly steady rhythm, albeit a bit more staggering.
"Mhm." She hums around him, eyes wide and questioning as she wonders if he's thinking the same thing as she is. Hoping that's the case. Praying that they're on the same sinful page right now. Because there just isn't a way for her to explain this with words.
And the look in his eyes when he pulls out of her mouth a minute later, tells her everything she needs to know. He just needs the final go ahead. Even in his current possessive state, he still needs that nod of approval.
"Do it." She says, her voice lowered to a whisper. And with the sound of a deep moan, a hoarse "fuck" from him, and a soft gasp from her, he's dripping down her chest.
It takes less than a beat for his face to change; The darkness that was just there, suddenly wiped away and exchanged with worry, a softness, almost hurt. So she reaches for him, grabbing the back of his neck to pull him down for a kiss, doing what she can to reassure him, over and over again.
"Come here." She says, gesturing for him to give her some space to move, before reaching out a hand, wordlessly leading him into the bathroom where she gets the shower started.
She makes quick work of cleaning herself off, the remnants of him running down her body and down the drain. Disappearing along with everything that has been so challenging this week; The tension between them, the urge to sabotage her own happiness, those anxious thoughts trying to convince her over and over again that she doesn't deserve this.
When she turns around, he avoids her eyes. And she can see the shame written all over his face, over his entire body really. "Dominick." She says, her voice soft, grabbing his hands while taking a few steps backwards, guiding them both under the steady stream of hot water. "Look at me."
"I'm so-"
"No." She interrupts, knowing what he was about to say. "Don't apologize. I wanted that. And I'm ok."
"You're not my property."
"I know that." She nods, freeing her hands from his to glide them carefully over his chest. "But I'm still yours." She smiles tiredly.
And finally, he mirrors her, smiling too before cupping her face.
"And I'm yours."
…
A/N: If anyone asks, I was never here.