I'm stating the obvious here, but in order to marry a kobold, you must first find one. That in itself is not a hard task. However, it does generally require some understanding of what you're doing. In this section, I hope to cover the methods by which you can gain a kobold's trust, how to make them feel comfortable in your presence, and when to take one home with you. That's correct: I said 'take one home with you.' Kobolds are very instinctive creatures, acting first and only sometimes thinking later. One of the first steps in your relationship is going to be giving her a home. I know that may come off as very fast to you, but I'm not encouraging you to have sex with her from day one. In fact, I'd rather you didn't, for both of your sakes. It is important for your relationship to grow naturally.
It's just that we don't do good by ourselves. Often, a kobold is surprisingly good at getting herself into trouble if there's nobody looking out for her. We need partners. Having an awesome husband that gives you food, headpats, snuggles, it means so much to a kobold!
There is no special term for the process of taking a kobold home. Some in my circle prefer calling it adoption, but I'm not a big fan of that. Nevertheless, I have no better alternative, so adoption will have to do for now. Every kobold is going to be a little different. However, in my experience, you can narrow unmarried kobolds down into two separate categories: 'domestic' and 'feral'. As you might expect, domestic kobolds tend to initially be easier to deal with than feral kobolds. However, don't let that fact alone dissuade you from considering the adoption of a feral kobold.
Domestic kobolds refer to kobolds that have some type of reasonable living situation and a financial/interpersonal 'safety net' of sorts. These could be kobolds that still live with their parents, or maybe they have a close mamono friend that allows them to stay over. In worst-case scenarios, domestic kobolds have access to some sort of shelter program run by charitable organizations, including my own. These girls generally have much more outgoing, friendly, and eager personalities because life hasn't been particularly cruel to them. Of the two varieties, these are much more likely to approach a potential husband of their own volition. They make for wonderful companions, and will open up to you far more quickly than the latter. That being said, due to their somewhat sheltered upbringing, domestic kobolds will be far more dependent on you than their feral counterparts, both emotionally and in their daily life. The exact numbers are a little too volatile to determine consistently, but I'd estimate that about eighty percent of kobolds are domestic.
Feral kobolds, by contrast, are the unlucky minority that find themselves without much resources. They tend to lack a stable living situation. If they are not outright homeless, they may bounce back from one short-term residence to another. They tend to have poorer health, and are far more likely to distrust even well-meaning strangers. That being said, it is not impossible to be the target of a feral kobold's infatuation, nor is it that hard to befriend one if you go out of your way to do so. Though considerably more independent, feral kobolds still possess that natural instinct to be loved and cared for by a husband. It will take some time for a feral kobold to really trust you, but once she does, she'll never let you go. And don't you dare let her go, either; it would shatter her heart to pieces!
The most accurate way to tell a domestic kobold apart from a feral kobold is their behavior. Does the kobold have a bubbly, outgoing, and extroverted personality? She is very likely a domestic. If, on the other hand, she shies away from social interaction, seems constantly on guard, and consistently upset, you are almost certainly observing a feral kobold.
For domestic kobolds, don't be surprised if you're approached first. It is perfectly natural for a kobold to make her attraction to you plain. However, rather than seduce you with that trademark mamono nymphomania, expect her to ask you a lot of questions. Oh, and I mean a lot. Kobolds are inquisitive women, even if they are not renowned for their intelligence. Part of this is simple instinctual curiosity, but research indicates that it is also a subconscious litmus test for a future husband. Snapping at a kobold's barrage of innocent questions is the fastest way to make her lose interest, because how will she know you won't do the same later on in your relationship? Patience is key here, and even if she does start to annoy, a gentle request for a little peace and quiet is something most can acquiesce to.
Plus, doesn't it feel nice to have someone care enough to want to know all about you? Monty isn't telling the whole story, though. All that time spent together allows us to get a good smell of you. Associating a very specific smell with a human is a kobold's bread and butter. It influences our very instincts!
Regardless, it is also perfectly acceptable to approach a domestic kobold. After all, I did the same to Jackie. They're excitable in almost any social situation, but this is especially true with single men. If a kobold senses she is being courted, expect her to react with a flurry of anxious excitement. Her tail will wag at the speed of light! Her cheeks will flush! All a kobold desires is a good, loving, trustworthy master. By showing interest, you are giving the tiniest taste of her biggest dream.
That is why it is very cruel to play with a kobold's heart. Do not, under any circumstances, express insincere interest in a kobold. Even if her drooping body language and teary eyes fail to make you remorseful, she may have a mamono friend who won't take kindly to that abhorrent behavior. Do you wanna take chances and risk angering an amazonian, or an orc, or a dragon? I think not. Still, if you're reading this guide, I can only assume your intentions are sincere; I just had to send a warning to those who have not entirely committed to a kobold marriage.
And then there are feral kobolds. For these, you will almost certainly have to make the first move. Having a feral kobold come to you is a rarity, even if she has a massive crush on you. To her, the world can be a harsh and scary place, and her inability to thrive has rendered her with little in the way of self-worth. It will be up to you to help her find it.
My advice? Buy her food! Any feral kobold would love a hot meal! That would probably help her trust you enough to at least stay by her side.
And Jackie has a good point: The easiest way to a kobold's heart may be through her stomach. However, don't expect her to be all smiles from the first small gesture of kindness; she'll still put little faith in you. However, you may find her returning to the place you first met her. You may find her asking for your name, and a little about you. You may notice her trying to catch a whiff or two. If you continue meeting her, whether to give her more food, or to take her out for some activity, or even just to talk, you'll find her getting closer and closer to you. You'll know you're doing right when she starts to smile more than she frowns. When she comes to you, when she actively seeks you out, when the mere sight of you causes her tail to wag heartily, you have a kobold crush!
Whether domestic or feral, a kobold in a state of puppy love will eventually desire that you take her home. She may try to drop subtle hints at first, and by 'subtle', I mean awkward proclamations about how your house must surely be comfortable and full of all sorts of interesting smells! Yeah, kobolds wouldn't understand subtlety if it gave them headpats. It doesn't matter; they're more than cute enough to make up for it. Regardless, statements like these should come across as undeniable confirmation that a kobold wants you to be her master. If you don't accept right away, it's not the end of the world, but don't be surprised if she starts following you home like a lost puppy. This is especially true for a feral kobold: Once they trust you enough to want your love, you should expect them to get very clingy. They'll get better once they know they're secure, but you may have to put up with never having a moment all to yourself for a few days.
Once you let a kobold into your home, don't be surprised when she immediately darts around from area to area, taking in the smell. Kobolds, like actual dogs, explore with their noses more than their eyes. If she has already gotten even a tiny whiff of your scent, which she undoubtedly has by this point, this place will smell like heaven to her. In the end, she'll probably try to play off this first foray into your abode as a simple visit. After all, you are becoming close friends, and don't close friends visit each other's homes from time to time? You'd probably be able to see right through her even if I wasn't telling you, but I'll tell you anyway: It's a lie. She wants to move in with you. Heck, when I first brought Jackie home, she kept referring to my apartment as our apartment. In her mind, she had already laid claim to my heart. I cannot speak for every kobold to have ever lived, but my own anecdotal experiences and formal interviews with other couples indicate that this is far from uncommon.
We can't help it, Monty! It's just that the house of our master smells like our master! I think it's something that humans just don't understand. Smells tell us so much about the world! I wish I could put it into words better, but I can't.
Don't mistake my observations as criticism; I wouldn't have married a kobold if I didn't find them so irresistibly cute. I'm just trying to prepare you for what you should expect. Anyway, once she has had a thorough chance to explore your home, expect her to come back to you and stay by your side for practically the whole day. In this stage, she is smitten! No matter what your plans are, make room for her to be involved somehow. When it eventually gets late, she'll probably try to make some excuse about needing to leave, but it'll be clear that the very idea upsets her greatly. Ultimately, it will be up to you to decide whether or not to extend the invitation to move in then and there. I didn't, not out of malice or any intentional reason, but simply because I didn't get at the time that it was what Jackie was hinting at. I just thought it was normal kobold behavior to get sad when they said goodbye. Oh, young me could be pretty stupid sometimes. I mean, she had already kissed me! I know it all worked out anyway, but I would do things a little differently if I could go back, if only to save her a little unnecessary heartache.
I loved him though! I still do! To be fair, he didn't have someone writing a guide for him, either. Monty told me to be honest about my feelings to help you out, though, so I will: It was so sad to leave him that night! I thought I had found a home, but I knew it was rude and uncalled for to try to move in right away. Your own kobold will surely be feeling something similar, especially if the poor girl is feral. However, she still loves you very much. She'll gladly meet you again at the next chance. If you didn't get the hint the first time, she'll come out and say it sooner or later. When I did, I also used the L word to make my reason clear.
Yes, kobolds will come out and say it eventually. They are very honest creatures, but they are also prone to feeling the pressure of social customs. The fear of saying the wrong thing to someone they care deeply for, but haven't yet officially started a relationship yet can be daunting. However, their honesty will eventually win out. She will ask you, probably teary-eyed, if she can move in.
Please take her! Let her feel loved! She would do anything for you, because she loves you so much that she wants to commit to you for the rest of her life!
So begin your new life with her. It will be more than worth it. I promise.
Me too.
I know that having your new girlfriend move in with you on the spot might come off as a little intimidating. It's OK, my friend; that's why I made this guide. For now, I'd say it's best to use my information to go find yourself a lonely kobold if you haven't already. If you have, or when you're ready, turn the page.