I swear I'll update something else next but for some reason, I keep having these SoMa moments in my head.

The message pinged about an hour after dinner. Soul had dutifully gone to his room and Maka had curled up on the couch with her book, getting lost in a R.S. Belcher's steampunk wild west world that she almost couldn't surface from except when she saw his name pop up and didn't hear a peep from his room. He's hiding, waiting, seeing if his punishment is complete. It wasn't a gleeful thought since controlling him wasn't the goal, but half a mournful sigh because she still felt like straight up asking him would have resulted in, well, not half as much as he'd give her when he could ramble to a screen.

Maka moved the headphones from the coffee table to her ears, clicked on the link, and let it play.

Soul cleared his throat, "I know you said why I want to have sex, but I want to start with something else and I know you'll listen because if there's one thing you've shown me in all this that it's the fact you're willing to hear me out to the end." The most adorable smirk parted his lips just for a minute and it melted the last little bit of trepidation in her heart. "I want to start with why I don't."

He paused and his hands rubbed over his thighs a few times, ironing out the non-existent creases in his basketball shorts. "I don't want to just because our friends think we should, or have been talking about it because I bet even though you haven't said anything the girls probably have their opinions and I know I haven't said anything about it but the boys do." His hands came up innocently suddenly, shaking in a frantic wave. "Not that I told them anything. Not about that stuff since, like I said, it's nobody's business, but I know they all assume, or at least that knucklehead you don't want me to name does."

Maka huffed in agreement.

"I think I already made it pretty clear I don't want to just because we got protection," he sighed. "And I know you're probably dying to know what your dad chewed me out for so… I don't want to until we've actually talked about whether or not we're really ready and no, I don't think I'm off the hook for making this." Soul paused to laugh at himself, shocked that the words actually got out of his mouth. "I want to say I don't want to if you're scared of it, even a little bit, but to be honest, I think… I think I am afraid and I don't know how to not be afraid of it."

His fingers were busy again, tapping and then digging into the fabric of his shorts. "Because there's nothing left after that, you know? You'd be my first and…" He cursed under his breath a few times as he wiped a hand over his face. "It's crazy, but I'd want you to be my last, or at least that's what it feels like. You're important to me, this would be important to me and it's not something I just want to do to check a box." He laughed weakly, "Death, I hope you don't think this is fucking melodramatic."

Soul paused again to let that hand drift through his hair and ease a few breaths in and out. "So, why I want to. Let's start with all the shit you're going to roll your eyes at: You're fucking hot. I hope you're getting blushy instead of pissy as I say this but the way I imagined your body versus what it actually is?" He let out a long, low whistle. "I'm embarrassed at how much I underestimated you. The real thing's a million times better."

Maka was most definitely pink in the cheeks rather than red in the face and she bit her lip to keep in another one of those contented squeals.

"So yeah, there's that," he chuckled. "Then there's the fact, and I hope you're nodding along with this, that I trust us. We're in sync, always have been and this aspect of us doesn't seem to be any different. Which means no matter what could go wrong, we'll deal with it, and you know I've thought of every possible wrong." He started displaying fingers with each point on the list as she heard him straining to keep that panic in his voice at bay. "I could definitely hurt you because who the fuck knows if, well, I don't know. I heard it can hurt girls the first time and that's fucking terrifying. Or what if I can't? What if I choke and ruin things because my damn head runs away with me?"

"And total, probably irrational panic, what if you get pregnant?" There he couldn't stop the rise in his voice, the not so manly tightened pitch. "I mean, we'd use protection, obviously, but shit happens, right? And… you know I love you but I'm definitely not in any way, shape, or form ready for that. I'm not." He let a grumbling rise in his chest before he sighed the rest out. "Sorry, got side-tracked. Just… you gotta know I've thought about all of it. Every last bit of it. And I think we should keep talking about it. I don't think it's a now, this minute thing. And that's because, well, it doesn't matter what the don'ts or want tos are since at the end of the day, I'm happy with what we have. Plus, I got a lot to work on still, considering I'm saying this to the damn camera again instead of to your cute fucking face."

He let one last aching grin hit his lips before he turned off the video.

Maka forced her fingers to slowly put down the phone, gently pull out the earbuds, and let careful, calm footsteps bring her to his bedroom. The door was closed so she behaved, knocking lightly.

"Yeah?"

She loved the mixture of hope and nerves in his voice and that broke the spell of curbing her joy. Maka tossed open the door and just as he was looking at her wide-eyed and concerned she jumped onto his bed, forcing him into an instantaneous tangle of limbs.

"What's this for?" he murmured, in no way unsettled by the idea of being wrapped up in her but playing it safe.

Maka pressed a sweet sigh into his neck and wrapped her arms around him to practically squeeze the air out of him. "Because all the things that you're afraid to say to me are always all the things I need to hear."

"Don't take this the wrong way," he murmured and clutched her tighter as if he could hold her reaction in. "I… get scared about your reaction. That's what stops it most of the time. Because I know the second I see something my brain could tell me was fear or hatred or disgust I'm just gonna grab it and go. Because…" Lock and key, fucking lock and key. "That's what I had to do with my mom. Always plan for the worst fucking thing and always look for the tiniest speck of annoyance."

Her fingers were desperate to soothe, running gently over the line of his jaw as he refused to let her get a look at his face. "Do I… remind you of her?"

"No," he laughed ruefully. "Just… I always wanted her to love me so bad so I guess… I wanted the same thing from you so I tried the same tactics. Just took me too long to realize that's not what it takes to make you love me."

"I'm sorry," she pressed the words a couple of times into his neck as the realization crept up her spine like a slow frost. "I'm so sorry because when I think about it, that means it must have been the worst when I held it in, when I exploded at you instead of just being truthful about everything."

"Nothin' really out of the ordinary," he sighed. "And like I said, you're getting better at that, so-"

"No, Soul," she urged back as she forced him to finally relent on his hold, getting those piercing green eyes right to his. "I don't want you wiping it under the rug. You weren't wrong, you have things to work on but I think, no, I know I do, too. We should both before we, well, have sex," that last bit came out closer to a soft whisper, and no matter how much he internally admonished himself Soul laughed. "Soul!"

"Sex," he said loudly. "Sometime we're going to have sex, Maka. Maybe when you can say the word above a whisper."

"You're mean." She tried to turn her head and pout but he stopped the momentum with a steady palm to her cheek, forcing her head back so he could catch her lips.

It was a slow, decided kiss, one that he'd held on to since this all started, the one that he hoped spelled the words out just as much as them coming off his lips. "I love you."

Maka could see his eyebrows working in her periphery so she let her book settle into her lap. She had been completely sure he'd been dead asleep a minute ago but now his eyes were burning a hole into the ceiling. As the text hit her thighs, the sound of the thump brought that confused stare to her. "What's the deal with the panties?"

Those words may as well have been another language and Maka studied them just as hard as his face. "Excuse me?"

"Your panties. You never take them off." It was no longer a question but a simple statement and he gave her a short reprieve by going back to investigating the ceiling as he propped his hands behind his head. "Is it…" the pause was deadly and each second of it stole another molecule of air from her lungs. "Is it that shit from when we were younger? The stupid shit I used to call you?"

Her lips tightened before she forced the words, "No, it's not that."

"Because that was stupid, Maka," Soul sighed at himself and Maka was happy for his scrutiny to be somewhere else. "I didn't mean any of it and-"

"Really, Soul, it's not that," she edged in. No matter the relief at the idea that he might forget his original vein, Maka couldn't let him fall into self-deprecation.

Those smoldering orbs found their mark again, sizzling right into her heart as he turned his head to her. "Then…?"

"Um…" Maka wanted to hold the hum forever but it only lasted until she sucked in another breath. "I don't… it feels like that if we're both naked then…" A tiny frustrated choke of air stuck in her throat and she scratched her nails into her book cover, trying to find relief in the resistance. "What's stopping us?"

"From having sex?"

Maka nodded.

Soul shelved the laugh, the opportunity to tease her about the word definitely asking for trouble. "We are."

She was stupefied by the quick answer and the way he delivered it as if it were another commandment. "We are what?"

"Stopping us," this came just as fast at the tail-end of her question. "You don't want to, we don't. I don't want to, we don't. You think I can't control myself with your panties off?"

"Well, no," Maka murmured.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, his smirk surfaced, the sharky gleam of his teeth hinting out the side. "And you? You gonna be able to control yourself with your panties off?"

A tomato was a shade lighter than her cheeks and she let out a simple hiss of "Soul!" before she turned her head away. She waited for him to stop chuckling, a feat that took a few more seconds longer than it should have, before she muttered, "How did you even think of that anyway?"

"Have to do laundry." She brought her eyes back to him in time to see him easily roll his shoulders.

Maka blinked at him before snapping incredulously, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Was gonna ask you if you needed something thrown in," he sighed with everyday ennui. "Then I remembered the first time I did that, and you accidentally gave me a pair of jeans to wash but you left your panties in them-"

"Soul!" The blush had no hopes of receding.

"I didn't keep 'em or anything," he barked back. "And you didn't even notice. I washed 'em and threw 'em in your drawer. But the point is, the panties. Can you work towards losing 'em?"

"Why?" The delicate warble of her voice made his smirk explode.

At the same time, a thin pink was dusting his cheeks and his eyes were back to finding solace in the ceiling. "I want to try something."

"Not sex?"

"Technically," Soul cleared the tightness in his throat. "Oral sex."

Her cool fingers were nowhere near enough to dissipate the heat even though her fingers tried with the futility of a squirt gun against a five-alarm fire. "Like your mouth, um, down there?"

"Yeah," the surety in that was broken only slightly by the crack in his voice and Soul found himself rushing for the rest, "Because I think it'd be good and if you don't like it we'd never have to do it again but you and me we've been trying things so, it's just-"

"You'd want to?" She cut off his ramblings only to add her own, "It's not… I mean, it's… I guess if I showered or…"

Soul sat up, his hands spreading innocently. "Just think about it, Maka, it's another one of those things that don't have happen now."

That settled with her just as well as heartburn and Soul watched her fidget with it in her mind and with her legs. She was putting aside her book just as he was about to start again, to reiterate his point, but Maka did exactly what she always does best and obliterated it. Her hands were under her skirt in a flash and as she tilted her hips the delicate pink clothed peeked out but instead of tossing them off, something Soul would assume someone would do in a sultry vixen act, she clenched them tightly in her fist.

Soul got up from the couch, took three decided steps before he was close enough to unfurl her fingers, taking the fabric from her. He knelt and as her eyes looked anywhere but his Soul carefully one by one put her legs back in, pulling them as far as he could until they hit her thighs. "Maka," he said sharply, "you're scared."

"I…" And maybe over and over again in her head, it was playing that same old tune of I'm courageous, but that didn't put a dent in the feeling. Neither had the words, the way she'd described it because maybe it had always seemed black and white, naked and clothed, sex and not but what if it was other things, too? But he wants it and if we're not having sex, if we're not, if we're not-

He scooped her up, not concerned with the way her panties fell back to the ground but the way she seemed just as flimsy, crumpling into his arms with her face pressed against his neck. "We don't do anything, not if you're scared," the firm baritone buzzed against her chest and she just wanted to sink into it.

"Maybe it more than the sex," she whispered.

Soul's hands were quietly searching her back, finding spaces to soothe as he waited for more. When nothing came he pressed a soft kiss to her temple. "You know what that more is?"

"No," she warbled.

"That's fine," he murmured as he let his lips feather over her skin again. "Come over to the couch. I want to hold you. Watch a movie. I want… I told you I like what we have. That's what I want."

She nodded against his chest and he slowly released her to smooth a hand over her hair as she leaned to fix her panties back into place. He didn't wait for her eyes or her attention, just taking her now still hands to bring her to the couch and get her to collapse into him. Chests together, he tried to bring her breathing back in tune with his, and even though he flicked the TV on in the background it wasn't for any particular viewing. He was too busy watching her, driving off any tears that hit her cheeks with devoted fingers.

Soul loved sucking those last few desperate cries from her lips, feeling the way the air quaked between their mouths as his fingers finished their favorite job. He slipped his hand out of her panties, letting it clutch at her hip and pull her over on top of him. Maka's chest was still heaving, puffs of air hitting his neck until she sweetly calmed it with a sigh. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

"I love this," she murmured again as her hand snaked up into his hair.

He hummed out happily in agreement.

"I love your hair."

A chuckle vibrated between them, "Now you're just getting ridiculous."

"No, I do," she urged. "One of my top ten favorite parts."

She couldn't see the devious smirk that started on his lips. "What happens if I cut it?"

"No!" Her head popped up and her hand sunk desperately into a clump.

His chest rattled with laughter. "Deal-breaker?"

"Soul, don't even joke!" She was practically shaking his head in her hand as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"So you really just love me for my looks," he cooed as he tilted his lips up, just brushing the struggling frown on hers.

After the feathery touch, it broke into a grin, "Top ten."

Soul's grunt was almost a chuckle as she settled back and let their noses touch. "What else?"

"Do I like about you?"

He shook his head, nuzzling their noses together, "Deal-breakers."

She hummed out thoughtfully, "Losing the motorcycle."

"Nah, never."

"No tattoos."

"No?" Soul snorted. "What if I wanted one?"

There were a few breath's worth of a pause as she pulled away to study him. "Where?"

Most of the humor faded from his face, serious lines of thought radiating across his forehead before he answered, "My ass." Maka erupted into laughter and he savored the joy on her face, soaking it up like sunshine. "What? You don't want me to get your name?"

"Absolutely not," she managed before a few more giggles snuck out. "And definitely not across your ass." She tried to clear her throat to chase off the hysterics but a few more still trickled out. "OK, no face or neck tattoos. Maybe elsewhere is OK. Not my name."

"Your face?" he offered.

"No," she rolled her eyes.

"Just like that," he reached up a hand and nudged her nose with his finger. "Mid-eye roll. Perfect."

"Deal-breaker," she spat back.

Soul let that hand drift, pushing back her bangs and then running through her hair before dancing over her bare back. "What about… a serious one."

"A serious deal-breaker?" Even with the furnace that was his chest running between them, she was worried about the sudden chill dampening the laughter than had just filled the room. "Well, the obvious stuff. No cheating."

"Never," he murmured.

"No keeping big secrets," she didn't necessarily like that so quickly amended, "Like we used to. No keeping them and not working on it."

"Fine," he nodded.

"No… I don't know," she narrowed her eyes at him. "What about you?"

"Obvious stuff," he broke the thought with a swallow and Maka waited. The words were swelling on his tongue just like the joy in her heart because she could feel it just as much as see him trying to say it. It was another lock crumbling. "Don't ever say you hate me. Like in a fight or… Death, that's fucking stupid, I know you wouldn't, but-"

"Not stupid," she broke the words and the worry with a swift brush of her lips to his. "I can say things I don't mean. And it hasn't happened in a while but that doesn't mean we're not ever going to get heated with one another but… not that, Soul. Definitely never that. I couldn't. Even if any of those deal-breakers happen, I couldn't."

Soul let out a short, sharp sigh as he sought comfort straight from her mouth like the words weren't enough. He left her breathless and in return offered, "Thanks."

Maka let her head drop against his chest, feeling the pattern of the beats echo in her own heart. "Is it getting easier?"

"Telling you?"

"Yeah."

His hands massaged into her back, gripping and pulling the warmth from her. "It's scary."

"I know it is, Soul, but-"

"Nah," he cut her off. "It's scary how easy it's getting."