Severus found himself in Malfoy Manor on the evening of the 16th cursing Thoros Nott and his ball. Daphne had appeared, joining Hermione in getting ready, Lori and Moxie, Daphne's elf banishing Harry and Severus from the room.
"How much longer do you think they'll be?" Harry asked, shifting nervously.
"I do not know." Severus replied slowly, as he acclimatised to the navy robes Hermione and Narcissa had insisted upon.
"Severus?"
"Yes Mr Potter?"
"Do I have to attend tonight?"
"Yes Mr Potter. Narcissa asked especially."
Harry sighed, "I don't know why, they hate me."
"Who hates you," Severus asked sharply.
Harry made a vague gesture with his hand, "Purebloods, those who supported Voldemort."
"Ah. I see. They do not necessarily hate you but your appearance with me confuses them."
"Why?"
"No one knows I was a spy, Mr Potter. Which reminds me, I intend to test your shields this week. Hermione mentioned you had been joining her in her meditations."
Harry snorted, "She hates it, you know."
"I am aware, but the skill has saved my life more times than I can count, therefore you both need to learn."
Harry sighed, "How much of a say do I have?"
Severus raised an eyebrow imperiously, "How much do you think?"
"None." Harry replied resignedly.
"Correct, Potter." he clipped as he heard a noise on the stairs.
"Bloody hell." Harry breathed, "Lori's really upped her game for this one."
"Bloody elf." Severus muttered because Harry was right. Hermione swept down the stairs with Daphne in a dress of rose pink, her hair down but swept back with jewelled combs. He was fleetingly grateful that at least this dress had sleeves. The jewellery must have come from the Malfoys, because it was nothing he'd seen before. She was wearing a set of what he thought might be pink diamonds, the simple necklace and earrings were tasteful enough but the size of the stones made a statement. It amused him slightly that they'd chosen tonight to publicly claim her.
He raised an eyebrow as the girls reached him, making Hermione roll her eyes.
"Navy, Hermione?"
"It suits you," she replied briefly, refusing to back down.
He sighed, knowing better than to fight her, "You look beautiful my girl. Miss Greengrass, you look well."
"Thanks Sir."
"Come along Father before the need for more compliments kills you" Hermione laughed.
With Hermione on his arm, Severus led them over to Thoros and Theo, disliking the way the boy's eyes lit up at the sight of them.
"Severus," Thoros smiled, shaking his hand before reaching for Hermione's to kiss, "Hermione."
"Lord Nott." Hermione murmured, dropping to the curtsy with the grace Narcissa had drilled into her.
"Thoros, please, dear." The man said with a smile that made Severus want to growl. Bloody interfering arsehole. It was impolite for Hermione to call him by his given name before she came of age without an agreement in place and he knew it. Everyone would bloody assume. Which, he supposed, suppressing a sigh, was entirely the point.
Hermione inclined her head slightly but he saw the understanding in her eyes. Beside his father Theo fidgeted slightly, clearly noting that she understood and wondering what she was going to do about it. She surprised them all by doing nothing, smiling blandly as she murmured "Of course, Thoros."
Thoros beamed back, as Hermione moved towards Theo. Severus caught the warning flash in her eye as she gave the boy a tight smile. Theo clearly did too, faltering slightly as he bent to kiss her knuckles. Inwardly Severus grinned. He'd love to overhear the conversation his daughter would be having with the boy later, perhaps it would be enough to put this entire nonsense to bed. He turned back in time to see Thoros' smile dimming slightly as his eyes landed on Harry.
"Mr Potter." Thoros intoned with a tilt of his head.
"Lord Nott."
Severus admired Harry's restraint, sure that it had been painful to repress the eyeroll at Thoro's less than effusive greeting, especially given the warmth of Hermione's.
"Theo." The boy smirked. "If you'll excuse us, I see my sister's Godparent's and it would be rude not to greet them."
In the middle of greeting Daphne, Thoros choked, his eyes wide as he zeroed in on Severus who was desperately trying to hide his glee. Perhaps Potter was due a new broomstick. The gods knew the boy deserved something for dropping that little titbit.
"Sister, Severus?"
Severus forced his face blank, "Haven't you heard? They have a spontaneous sibling bond, Thoros. One I'm sure they'll seal before the next school year." he replied blandly.
"What?" The man spluttered horrified, beside him Theo's eyes were wide.
"I'm unsure as to what was not clear, Thoros."
"You said it wouldn't be him that made him choose." Thoros murmured, almost to himself, making Theo frown. "I will call on you this week. We need to talk." the man said finally, attempting poorly to regain his composure.
Severus inclined his head. "As you wish, Thoros. However, my stance has not changed."
"No…..no. Perhaps mine will have to." Thorors murmured.
Severus froze, unsure if he was understanding correctly. Surely not. For fucks sake, as if tonight had to be any stranger. There was a fucking chicken in a tux collar and bib wandering around for the love of Merlin, he didn't need Thoros having a midlife crisis in front of him too.
"Loofah looks wonderfully dressed." Daphne commented lightly, clearly noticing but not understanding the undercurrent.
Gathering himself visibly, Thoros smiled, "She does like to be part of the festivities."
"I'm sure she does, Lord Nott." Daphne murmured without so much as a hitch in her voice. Severus had to hand it to her, he wasn't sure he'd have been able to be so sanguine. It was a fucking chicken in a facsimile of a tux for fucks sake. Wandering freely with a small house elf following with a cushion embroidered with the beast's name in case the thing got tired. Surely everyone else realised how fucking insane it was?
"Come along Miss Greengrass." Severus spoke once he was sure he had control of his voice. "I imagine that Draco is itching to escape Lucius and Narcissa, we shouldn't deprive him any longer."
Daphne smiled slightly and nodded. "Of course, Sir."
"Lucius, Narcissa, Draco." Severus greeted as they arrived next to them,
"Severus, Miss Greengrass."
Lord and Lady Malfoy, Draco."
He could almost hear Hermione's mental eye roll.
"Are you alright, my girl?" he murmured softly in her ear, leaning down so no one else could hear him. Hermione shrugged.
"I intend to tell Theo that if his father pulls any more stunts like that one, I won't ever consider a contract." she replied flatly.
Severus frowned slightly at her tone of voice. Next to her, Harry did the same.
"Isn't that a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face?" he hedged.
"I will not be forced into archaic traditions because Lord Nott refuses to adhere to proprieties. I have said I do not agree with betrothals at fourteen and so help me if he keeps pushing I will not be considering it at all." she growled lowly, making Lucius' eyes widen at her vehemence.
"Hermione…." Severus began hesitantly.
She shook her head forcefully. "It is not a conversation for here." forcing her posture to relax she smirked slightly, "Besides. I hear Blaise is a lovely looking boy."
Severus and Lucius choked on their drinks as the others looked on in confusion.
"Does anyone else feel like they've missed something?" Daphne asked lightly as she looked pointedly at Hermione who had forced an expression of innocence on her face.
"Lets go and see Neville," she said instead before she stopped, shooting a look at Harry that immediately made Severus nervous. "Actually, hold that thought for ten minutes. Susan's arrived and it would be rude not to greet her, wouldn't it Father?"
Lucius choked for a second time as Narcissa smirked beside him. Severus sighed.
"Must we do this, my girl?"
Hermione widened her eyes, turning to look at him, her face a picture of innocence. "Do what, Father?"
"Hermione!" he ground out.
"Father." she returned, refusing to back down.
He sighed, fucking annoying girl. He was going to learn to say no damn it. He was. This was ridiculous. He continued his internal rant as he allowed the children to steer him around the room, depositing him in front of Amelia bloody Bones.
"Severus." Amelia spoke with more than a little amusement in her voice, obviously well aware this had not been his idea. "Harry, Hermione."
"Madam Bones. Susan." the children chorused, making Amelia grin.
"We were hoping to borrow Susan, Madam Bones. We need to rescue Neville from Astoria Greengrass. We're not sure what she's saying but he's been sending begging eyes since we arrived and well, there's safety in numbers isn't there?" Hermione spoke earnestly, as if she had not just dragged him over here with an ulterior motive.
"Of course, Hermione. One must, of course, rescue one's friends."
"Precisely," Hermione beamed before she turned to him, sending a jolt of fear through him as she anticipated her next move. "You love this song, don't you, Father? I'm sure Madam Bones would consent to dance seeing as it's one of your favourites."
He was going to fucking murder her. He was. For fucks sake! This wasn't what he thought parenthood would be like. He was being bested by a goddamn teenager he couldn't fucking say no to. A teenager he had fucking created, which presumably meant he only had himself to blame. Fucking hell, Amelia was looking beyond amused and Hermione was looking at him expectantly. Harry appeared to be determinedly not looking at him. Fucking traitors, the lot of them. Severus rolled his eyes.
"Amelia, would you care to dance?" he bit out.
Amelia choked on a laugh, "Seeing as you asked so nicely, Severus." she replied, taking his hand. He saw Lucius' jaw go slack before he smirked, handing a small bag of money to Cissa. He was going to murder the whole fucking lot of them.
"I don't bite you know, Severus." His eyes shot down to the woman in his arms. It felt odd. He couldn't remember the last time he'd danced with anyone. "You're all tense." Amelia continued, "Is the prospect of dancing with me so hideous?"
He sighed, relaxing his frame. "I have issues with my daughters meddling."
She snorted, "And yet, you are yet to say no to her."
"It's very difficult." he all but whined, as Amelia gave him a smile of genuine amusement.
"Something to work on perhaps." she commented lightly.
He huffed, rolling his eyes. "Perhaps."
"It's adorable, you know."
"I have never been described as adorable in all my life."
"And yet I just did. You know, you could take me out for coffee and I imagine she'd back off."
It was only Severus' impeccable control that prevented him faltering. "Why on earth would you want me to take you out for coffee?"
Amelia snorted, "Dear Merlin and they say you're intelligent." she teased making him pout. "Has it crossed your mind, Severus, that you intrigue me? That even if it is nothing more than friendship that I find you interesting?"
He frowned, "Honestly? No."
"Oh my god." she laughed, thunking her head onto his chest as she gave into the giggles that were most unbecoming for the head of the DMLE. "Your face Severus! I have genuinely never seen someone look so confused!"
"I'm glad you find it amusing." he said eventually.
"Oh Severus. That girl of yours has done wonders for your temperament, you're less uptight and radiating less fuck off and leave me alone vibes."
He stared at her in horror. "What do you mean I'm radiating less fuck off and leave me alone vibes? Have you any idea of how long those took to cultivate!"
She laughed again, loudly, making several of the attendees stare in fascination, neither of them noticed. "Oh…oh gods and you're so utterly serious. Severus, its normal for people to want to talk to you"
"But most of them are idiots!"
Amelia smirked, "Are you implying I'm an idiot Severus Snape?"
"What? No, I….for fucks sake." He spluttered. "Minerva informs me I'm emotionally stunted. I am not good with people."
"You're doing fine." He arched a brow at her making her snort, "ok, perhaps you could use a little work," she conceded. "Hermione appears to be making wonderful progress with you, perhaps you should allow me to help."
"So what you're saying is that we should go out on a facsimile of a date to keep my teenage daughter happy so she does not meddle in my life and take advantage of the fact I appear to be physically incapable of saying no to her? Oh and so you can help cure me of my emotional stuntedness." he asked wryly.
"Well when you put it like that it sounds absurd. Perhaps we should go on a date because we want to?"
He frowned. "Why on earth would you want to?"
"Oh for fucks sake, you infuriating man! Just fucking agree!"
Startled, he sputtered out a yes before he could think about it. Amelia smirked slightly, "I have a feeling that between your Hermione, Harry and I, we'll have you sorted in no time."
He rolled his eyes, deciding that remaining silent was probably in his best interests before he got himself roped into anything else. "Are the children away this weekend?"
"Part of it. Richard is insisting he take Harry, Draco and I to a football match on Saturday."
Amelia hummed, "Wonderful. Sunday then. I'll expect you at one."
He sighed, "Very well."
"Severus?"
"Hmmm?"
"Get Hermione to pick your clothes."
He gaped at her momentarily, not sure how he felt about the smirk that had made its way onto her face. "I am capable of dressing myself." he bit out.
She hummed, "Yes. But you tend to dress like a repressed Victorian vicar and your daughter appears determined to drag you into this century. You suit her stylistic choices far better than that unrelenting wall of black."
"Why am I cursed to be surrounded by women with no filter?"
She snorted slightly, "Ah yes, because your filter is always in spectacular working order."
"I do not say half of what enters my head" he muttered petulantly.
She laughed at him, "I truly dread to think what you think of us all in the privacy of your own mind then, Severus."
He huffed, "And am I allowed to impose demands on your style of dress?"
Amelia shrugged slightly. "What had you in mind?"
The thought that flashed briefly though his head was definitely not one that he could voice.
"Perhaps I like black." he said finally.
"Hmmm. I'm not adverse to it but the only black item I own is rather revealing and very definitely not designed to be worn to a coffee shop. In fact, I'm not sure it was designed to be worn outside of the house," she replied with a slight smirk.
Severus swallowed harshly, fucking infuriating woman. His mouth was not dry, he was not being bombarded with inappropriate mental images. It was fine. He was fine. She coughed slightly, the smirk still on her face as she reached up and patted his cheek. "Perhaps if you're very, very good, I'll consider wearing it for our third date."
Third date? What? What was going on? Was this a real date? Surely not! What was the woman playing at! What the fuck was going on? Hearing the whine inside his own head, he allowed his eyes to wander over to the chicken perched on the purple pillow, disconcerting on the buffet table as he attempted to find his self control. Amelia's eyes followed his and she snorted. "How much would you be willing to bet that someone gets so very drunk they see that as a challenge?"
He couldn't contain the laugh that escaped him, "My money's on Yaxley."
"McNair." she shot back.
"Ten galleons says you're wrong."
"Deal."
They parted at the end of that song, Severus slightly perturbed to see that half an hour had passed without his notice.
"Having fun, Severus?" Lucius smirked on his return.
"Fuck off arsehole." he muttered, making the other man laugh. "Where are my children?"
"Ah."
Severus' head shot up, "What do you mean, ah?"
"Well Hermione might have had some sort of argument with Mr Nott and I think Harry, Draco and Susan went with her when she stormed off. Mr Potter, Draco and Miss Abbott have returned, Theodore appears to have left."
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Lucius, please tell me you have not lost my daughter?"
"No. Not, lost." he soothed, pausing slightly before he continued, "Perhaps temporarily displaced?"
"For fucks sake, Lucius!" he growled, glancing around the room before striding over to Harry. "Where is she?"
"Balcony two from the left." Harry answered promptly, his eyes widening as he realised what he'd done. "But Severus….wait!"
Severus paid him no heed, striding to the balcony to find his teenage daughter with Theodore Notts tongue down her throat. Reminding himself forcibly that murdering the boy in his own home was really, really bad form, he fought back the red mist as he cleared his throat.
They leapt apart instantly, Theo paling as he saw him standing there. "We will discuss this another time, Mr Nott." he said dangerously. "Now leave."
Theo shot a look at Hermione who nodded slightly before he turned and fled. Hermione arched a brow at him. Impertinent little chit.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" he growled
She rolled her eyes. "We both know nothing I say will be satisfactory, Father." she replied bitingly.
Casting a silencing charm he rounded on her. "What the fuck did you think you were doing?" he shouted.
"I believe it was called kissing." she replied mildly.
"Hermione! For fucks sake! Has nothing your Aunt Cissa taught you sunk in! You should not have been out here alone with they boy, you should not have been fucking touching him at all. So, I'll repeat, what the fuck did you think you were doing?"
"Aunt Cissa's lessons have been exemplary, Father do not insult my intelligence." she ground out, her eyes flashing with warning that he was on dangerous ground. "Pureblood courting rituals are archaic and repressive. As it stands we are not courting and I see nothing wrong with a kiss. How the fuck else are we supposed to learn if we are compatible as more than friends if we never touch!"
"You are fucking thirteen!"
"I'll be fourteen in less than a month."
"It's still too bloody young!" he howled.
She tilted her head. "And when will I not be too young?"
"Forty! Forty five!"
"Can you hear yourself?" she replied scathingly.
"Do not speak to me like that Hermione!"
"Or you'll what? Ground me? Forbid me from seeing him at all? Because I kissed him?" There was a stubborn set to her jaw he recognised quite clearly as his own. Fuck. He had no idea what to do about this. If he put his foot down, she'd explode but damn it, she was too fucking young. Weighing up his options quickly, he sighed. "Sit down Hermione." he gestured towards the bench. Warily, she complied, holding her body tense as he pulled her to him.
"Thoros is desperate to put a contract in place, you know that. If he had been the one to catch you, he'd have had the damn thing written and signed before the night was out."
"It was just a kiss." she whined.
"And has Thoros not demonstrated tonight that he has no compunction about bending the rules?"
She sighed, her body deflating as dramatically as her ire as she thunked her head onto his shoulder. "Why can't it just be normal?" she asked softly.
Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he pulled her in closer, breathing in deeply as he fought to control his own temper. "Because purebloods are weird?" he offered, "Save us all the trouble of their ridiculous rules and wait until you're forty five."
She snorted. "You're ridiculous. And I'm saying that in a house where the ower has a chicken in a tux. Do you think someone will mistake it for food given that it's perched on the buffet table?"
He choked on a laugh, "Amelia and I have a bet to that effect." he admitted, "My bet is on Corbin Yaxley. Hers on Malcom Mcnair."
Hermione laughed. "I can't wait to hear which of you is correct."
"Hermione?"
"Yes Father?" she sighed
"Please don't ever let me find you in that position again. I am aware you want things to have less significance than they do but that is not the world you currently inhabit."
"Alright Father." she replied softly, Severus noted that she didn't add the unspoken qualifier that she wouldn't allow him to catch her, which he supposed he should be grateful for.
"Now do I want to know why you were arguing with Mr Nott?"
Hermione sighed again. "I am not stupid, Father I am aware what Thoros was trying to imply with his offer to use his name. I…..it just feels like every time I see him there's more pressure to conform to his way of thinking. Even Daphne is utterly confused as to why I wouldn't allow it to happen and I'm sick of justifying my choices. Surely not all purebloods are betrothed at fourteen?"
Severus exhaled slowly, "No, they are not. The older, more traditional families certainly begin discussing things around fourteen, some in my generation had signed and sealed contracts by then although it has lessened over the last decade. You are aware that Thoros is significantly older than I am, his generation was one where it was expected. It is a hard notion for him to relinquish. However, you have not explained why you were angry with Theodore."
"I get the impression he wants to go along with his father." she said softly.
"Ah. Why him, Hermione?"
"Pardon?"
"Why Theodore?"
She sighed. "I like him, he's one of the very few who can keep up with me and he has yet to make me feel like everyone else does."
"Like what?" he replied with a frown.
"Like I'm a walking dictionary. Boring, uptight, know-it-all. I know what people think about me, I know what they say. I'm nothing to look at, I'm uninteresting and entirely too interested in books. Theo is one of the few people who has never made me feel like that. Even Harry can't claim that. In fact, I think Neville is the only other person I can truthfully say has never implied I need to be someone else."
"Oh, Hermione." he whispered, feeling utterly lost at how to proceed with this conversation. "You are perfect exactly as you are."
"No," she corrected softly, "I am an insufferable know it all."
"No." he replied fiercely. "Jesus Hermione. I was wrong, so very wrong and it was cruel."
She gave a half shrug, "You just voiced what everyone else was thinking."
He exhaled sharply. "No. No you do not get to do this. Fuck Hermione, I'm completely out of my depth here. I was wrong. So very fucking wrong. And one day, when you're ruling the fucking world because you're brilliant, all those other little arseholes who could do with opening a book at least once will see that too. Please. Please. I am begging you, do not ever believe you have to be anyone other than who you are." He steeled himself, not particularly wanting to do this, "Anyone with two eyes can see the way Theodore Nott reacts when you walk into a room Hermione. And Merlin help me, he may be the most unsubtle but he is not the only one. I have had several requests for a formal meeting, more than one unofficially from the boy rather than his parents."
Her head jerked up sharply. "What?" she asked with clear disbelief painted on her face.
"Adrian Pucey, Ernest MacMillan, Christopher Wilkies and Anthony Goldstein." he recited, deadpan. "That is ignoring the letters from the families of others."
"You cannot be serious."
"I am deadly serious, my girl. If you were to walk out of this room and remove yourself from Mr Notts presence, I think you would be surprised." She shook her head disbelievingly. "Do feel free to try it Hermione, Adrian Pucey especially watched you the entire last ball for an opening."
"I…..Why?"
"Why?" he asked disbelievingly. "You are beautiful my girl, but more than that, you are not simpering and differential like most pureblooded girls are trained to be. Even Miss Parkinson for all she has a caustic tongue, is both able and willing to do as directed in a way you never will. You will never simply do as you are told, Gods know I am more than well aware of that fact but many boys do not want someone who will blindly agree with them, Hermione. They have just been told that's what they should expect."
She shook her head again making him huff. "We are going to discuss this in depth tomorrow my girl. For now, we have probably been in here long enough. Look for Mr Pucey on your way out, gauge his reaction. And Hermione. Theo is not your only option. Make sure he is worth the grief of dealing with Thoros."
She nodded briefly, allowing him to pull her to standing. "Come along then, let us reassure your brother that I have not maimed you."
They exited the balcony, Severus spotting Potter's relief immediately, feeling vindicated when Hermione drew in a small, sharp breath, her eyes finding Adrian Puceys; the boy looked at her in a way that made Severus want to hex him.
"Now, where are we going?"
She released a long breath. "I'm going to speak to Harry." she said finally. He nodded, releasing her so she could move towards him, following her at a distance just in case as she made her way over to Harry.
"Everything alright?" Lucius murmured, appearing beside him, following his line of sight.
Severus sighed. "No. Not really. I caught Nott with his tongue down my daughters throat and as a reward for not cutting it off she had a complete crisis of confidence and essentially informed me that there was not one attractive thing about her person or personality."
Lucius' eyebrows shot up. "Pardon?"
"You heard me unfortunately. It will require another conversation although Gods knows what I'm actually going to say because I would very much like it if there was no one in the room eying her the way some of these little cretins are."
"Perhaps a conversation to be had with Cissa first?"
"Perhaps." he sighed, watching as Hermione wrapped an arm around Neville of all people. Dropping her head to his shoulder. The little of Theo's face he could see was a mixture of confusion and thunderous.
"An usual display," Lucius said lightly, "Should young Mr Nott be worried."
Severus snorted, "I doubt it, apparently Mr Longbottom holds the honour of being one of the few who has never passed comment, even Mr Potter cannot claim such. He was her first friend and would never survive me as a father in law."
Lucius snorted, "You make a fair point, although Theodore looks ready to combust"
"Theodore will have to get over his jealousy."
"Ah yes, teenage boys, known for their rationality."
Severus snorted, but said very seriously, "He'll have to. She will not tolerate it." He hid his smirk as it became clear Neville had asked Hermione to dance and she had accepted. He heard the boy murmur a "Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" as they passed. Apparently he was a better friend than Severus realised, he'd always considered the boy to be more Harry's friend than Hermiones but there was a closeness there he hadn't anticipated. Should Theo be nervous? He didn't think so but then again, what did he know about relationships?
"What the fucks going on?" he heard Theo hiss at Harry.
He watched as the boy shrugged, "Nothing, they're friends and whatever happened when she and Severus were on that balcony, she looked like she needed one."
"I don't like it." Theo pouted.
"Tough." Harry replied,an edge to his voice as he echoed Severus' earlier thoughts. "They're friends and she won't tolerate your jealousy."
Theo seemed to deflate in front of him with a quietly murmured "I know."
"Good. Then sort yourself out." Harry retorted.
Just as Neville and Hermione were about to head back, Adrian Pucey intercepted. Hermione looked momentarily surprised before she accepted his hand, allowing him to lead her into the next dance.
Theo's eyes were wide as he watched them.
"That was unexpected." Susan muttered.
Neville shrugged. "Not really. He couldn't keep his eyes off her at the Greengrass ball. He obviously decided to take a chance at this one."
Hermione was laughing at someone Adrian said, the tension that had been radiating from her beginning to ease as he spun her wildly to make her giggle.
"That's an interesting development." Lucius muttered.
Severus shrugged, Hermione wasn't fickle, he truly believed Theo had nothing to worry about unless Thoros kept up his ridiculous campaign, but perhaps it did the boy some good to realise she had other options, perhaps she also needed a reminder she had other options.
He watched her say something to Adrian and shake her head with a smile at the end of the dance. Slowly she made her way back towards her group of friends, wrapping her arm around Theo's waist. Everyone could see the boy sag slightly with relief as he pulled her in tighter, kissing the top of her head.
Realising the crisis was over for the moment, Severus snagged a firewhiskey from a passing elf, wishing there was a comprehensive manual for this parenting nonsense as he drained the glass.