Leah Clearwater Pov
*Flashback*
16 Years Ago
"Which do you like better, turkey sausage or meatball?" Sue asked and I looked over at her. She was staring blindly through the supermarket's freezer door.
I sighed. "I don't know. Aren't you tired of casseroles? Make some pizza or salad or something." I stated. "Besides, turkey sausage lately has been making me want to vomit." I muttered. "It smells like baked plastic dog food."
"You can't bring pizza and salad to a wedding, Leah. It has to be something elegant."
"Oh, right because nothing says elegant like a meatball casserole." I said, giving her a fake sarcastic smile. "It's not even a wedding, it's an evening party. The only reason why Billy decided to marry her, is because all Kelly wants is to prove the old man has found love again and that she is a miracle worker- not just with shrubs and gloves on."
"Why must you dump-on-everything?" Sue muttered. "There's nothing wrong with being happy for someone else for a change."
Billy's soon to be wife Kelly has always been a downer, and she doesn't like wolves all that much. Rebecca mentioned overhearing her say that to Billy once.
"Four years ago they only knew each other for a month, then suddenly Kelly got pregnant. It's the only reason why he's marrying her. Trust me, I don't have to do much dumping this time. She'll find a way to go out with a bang. Mrs. fixer-upper can't wait to have three older step-children to come and mother-up. Jacob is dying for weekend dinners. Not."
"Leah, Kelly is the kindest. One of the sweetest nurses on my staff that I've ever come across. Billy has been a widower for years now, they are blessed to have found each other. So what if she's a people-pleaser? There's nothing wrong with wanting to make others happy." Sue stated.
I laughed. "Whatever. All I know is Billy has three more days to change his mind. No doubt thanks to you and Charlie shoving companionship in his face, now he feels like the odd one out. Rushing into a marriage he doesn't really want." I stated.
He will never fully get over losing his wife Sarah, I understand that but wish he could be talked out of this.
"All I'm saying is.. Things may not end well, look at what you and Charlie are constantly on the up and down." I say. "Can you imagine Kelly asking Billy to remove himself from all things Wolf and pack related?" I stated.
In what world did Sue think that Charlie would never be team vampire daughter, when it came to the wolves. Billy just the same would choose Jacob before all, or at least I would hope so.
"If you ask me, marriage is just a trap that kills you in the end when you don't have a prenuptial agreement." I noted.
"Charlie and I are fine. We just had a hiccup, we had a disagreement when it came to deciding if the treaty should be rewritten. However, Why does everyone insist Kelly is bad for Billy's? He isn't Mr, Perfect and clearly she makes more than him. He doesn't work. Those little handmade arts and crafts that he makes do not bring in big bucks." She insisted.
"At least he does something. He gets by just fine, and how would you know how much money he has? I'm sure he just doesn't blab around to anyone how much his savings are." I clarified.
"Right." She mocked, switching up her tone.
"Anyway, can we get out of this aisle now? They don't need anything expensive, just grab some frozen appetizers and let's go. I'm freezing my butt off." I stated.
"Jeez, you're no help. Your father in-law is getting married and you can't be happy for him."
"Freezing my butt off in the supermarket has nothing to do with Billy getting married."
"She is the mother of his child. I don't know what's with you and Jacob. You are the only two who dislike her, but everything is not about you two. Billy has a right to be happy."
"Ugh. I really don't want to hear you talk right now." I said turning away from her. Glaring down at the end of the aisle I spotted Daniel reaching for something.
"Danny!" I yelled. "Get your butt down here."
"Don't scream like that, everyone can hear you." Sue said, trying to whisper.
"Oh, Who cares?" I said, flagging her.
"Daniel Harrison Black!" I yelled again as he started running towards me with something in his hand.
Children, you can't take them anywhere without spending money. "I'm coming mom, Jeez." He stated. "Do you have to yell my full name? " He said, stopping in front of me. "All you have to do is wave."
"No, but I love the way people stare when I yell publicly like a lunatic." I smile sarcastically amused.
"It's embarrassing." He mutters, looking exactly like Jacob.
"What's that?" I said, staring down at his hand.
"It's Popsicles, Can I please have them?"
I rolled my eyes. "We have popsicles at home."
"I know, but not this kind. It's SpongeBob with gum for his eyes. Please, can I have it?"
I shrugged. "Fine whatever, put it in there." I stated. "You better hope it doesn't melt before we get home."
"Yes! Thank you." He smiled showing his pearly white teeth.
"Maybe you should put it back in the freezer just so it won't melt too fast. I kind of want to finish shopping." Sue said.
"No, because he's going to forget it on our way out." I stated.
"Alright, if you say so." She said back.
"Mom?" Daniel said, grabbing the sleeve of my jacket. "Can I-"
"No." I said fast, cutting him off.
"Use the bathroom?"
I rolled my eyes. "Again? Can't you hold it?" I asked him.
"No, that's how you get a bladder infection." He exclaimed.
So dramatic. "How badly because it's gonna be a minute before we leave?"
"On a scale of one to ten, five and a half." He stated.
"Alright. Let me know when you reach eight." I stated.
"Alright." He mumbled.
"Well since you two aren't going to allow me to finish shopping or help for that matter. Let's get in line." Sue says.
"Fine by me, you get in line. We'll wait outside. Come on Danny, let's get in the car." I said fast walking around her.
"Leah?" She exclaimed.
"What?"
"You're just going to leave?"
"I'm not leaving, I'm going to the car." I clarified.
Sue snorted. "And make me go through the line by myself?"
"You didn't get that much food." I informed her.
"Not the point, and who says I'm buying your food." She whined.
"I only have two bags of cheese-puffs and a box of popsicles. I'll give you my money when you get in the car." I said, grabbing Daniel's hand. "Come on." I said walking down the aisle towards the exit.
"Why can't I just go to the bathroom here?" He asked.
"You know why, we don't use public bathrooms, they're disgusting." I said as we walked outside towards the parking lot. "Besides I'm freezing, I need to get out of here."
"After we leave here, we're going straight home?" He asked.
"No. we're going to Sue's. So, try to hold your pee till then."
"Alright. I'll try but I can't promise you anything." He muttered.
"Well you better think twice before you let it go. You're gonna be cold and wet on the ride home." I stated.
He laughed. "Just kidding, I'm not Caleb, I can hold it." He said letting go of my hand and running towards my car.
"Daniel!" I warned him to watch out for any cars.
"You left the doors unlocked again." He stopped at my car and opened the passenger side door.
"No. Get in the back." I said grabbing the door before he closed it.
"Ugh. Fine." He said jumping in, then climbed to the back seat.
"You could've just got in the proper way instead of putting your dirty sneaker prints in the chair." I noted.
"Sorry." He said as I walked around the car towards the driver's side, getting in.
"It's colder here than it is in the store." I said shutting the car door. Sometimes I hate leather seats.
"Can I pick the radio station this time?" He asked, leaning up.
"No."
"Please!" He begged.
"Can't you just enjoy the silence?" I said putting the key in the ignition to start the car.
"No." He retorted.
I snorted, turning on the heat. "Fine, look in the back and grab the CD case."
"Yes! Okay." He exclaimed, and I looked up out the window.
Glaring far across the parking lot, a dark figure stood out from among the cars.
Narrowing my eyes, the person walked forward.
"Here you go, Skip to number five." Daniel said happily and I took the disk out of his hand.
"Who's that?" He asked and I looked up again.
Slowly walking around the car, his now noticeable face right in view.
Nahuel. The half human, half vampire stood there glaring.
You've got to be freaking kidding me. "Daniel, don't unlock the door unless I tell you." I said turning the music up loud, then getting out of the car locking the door before I slammed it shut.
"Hi, Leah." He smiled and I rolled my eyes.
"What the hell do you want?" I said as he stood a couple feet away.
"To talk."
"Screw that." I said, then glancing over at Daniel who did not bother to be nosey. He just stared down grabbing one of his books from the floor.
"I came to form an alliance." He stated and I snorted glaring over at him
"Bullcrap. You came here to snake around, I'm not stupid."
"Not even remotely." He compliments too calmly.
"Oh come on, as much as I would love not to stand here and listen to whatever crappy oration you want to say. Spear the dialogue." I spat.
He laughed. "I can only imagine how horrible things are getting. I hear new young wolves may transform, with vampire sightings being about. I'm sure new hybrids aren't so far away. The council must be confused."
"What do you want?" I said through my teeth.
"To give you the full truth."
"About what?" I ask.
"Aiden." His supposedly hybrid daughter, that I care for. His father Joham is a vampire scientist, and is the reason behind my attack ten years ago.
I narrowed my eyes confused. "What about her?"
"She came to see me today. She has become so misguided."
"Is that right?" I mocked.
"I know you're well aware of my mendacious ways, but are you aware of hers?"
"What are you talking about?" I mumbled confused.
"I have never been honest on how she came to be yours. One day soon, I will tell you it all. However I'm proud of the way you've beautifully embraced her. I couldn't have picked a more prodigious woman to have this experiment with. Aiden tells me that you're aware of her relations with Noah."
"What does it matter?" I say ignoring his smugness. Noah is Nahuel and Renesmee Cullen other spawn, Aiden's half-hybrid-brother.
No surprise he learned to procreate just as his father has. Not truly giving a true care of the offsprings he creates.
"Noah's untrustworthy, Aiden can't see that."
"And you are?" I practically yelled.
"More than my oldest son? Yes. Renesmee has made him frail and reckless. I would think with Aiden's instincts she would know, but he's in her head. I guess you could say she gets her trusting nature from me." He says.
I rolled my eyes in response. He's clearly a liar.
"Right now obviously isn't a good time, however I should warn you that a visitor will be crossing your treaty line soon. The Russian Coven and my father Joham have business with the Cullens." He warns.
"Let me guess, a treaty of their own?" I say as he turned, looking inside the car.
"He looks like you." He mumbled glaring at Daniel.
"Don't look at him." I warned him.
Nahuel laughed. "It must be hard trying to protect a family with strong ancestry, I would hate for you to take any of it for granted." He stated, repeating similar words that I said to Aiden days ago.
I sighed, taking an angry step towards him.
"See you soon." He grinned, and in that second he was gone.
I turned, looking around the empty parking lot.
"Great." Now I have to deal with him again.
Ten years and I hoped he was out of my life forever.
How wrong was I?
"Hey," Sue said, walking up with bags in her hand. "Can you grab the door for me?" She said walking towards me struggling.
"Yeah, sure." I said tapping on the window for Daniel to unlock the door.
When we get home I'm definitely going to have to make sure Danny doesn't mention seeing me talking to the half-blood to anyone. Jacob will have a cow.
*Couple Hours Later*
"NO!" Caleb freaked as he watched me grab the Neosporin tube from the cabinet.
I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Well I guess you'll remember to stop running around the house when someone tells you to, right?" I said walking towards him.
"It's going to sting! I don't want it!" He said cowardly jumping down from the side of the tub.
I grabbed his arm fast and tight before he could make a clean run. "Caleb! Stop. Sit back up there, so I can do this."
"NO! I don't want it."
"I don't care! Now sit!" I yelled, pushing him back down. "And don't move, because it doesn't sting. It'll only tickle a little." I said wiping his forearm with a damp rag, then I started unscrewing the top of the tube and hurrying to squeeze some onto my finger.
Bending down on my knees in front of him, Caleb managed to stay still as I'd gently rubbed his cut, though his protrude-look was irritating the hell out of me.
After I smooth the liquid out, I wrapped it up with some small gazes and tape instead of a band-aid so he won't pick at it.
"There. See? It doesn't sting now, does it?" I smirked at him, and he glared at me angrily.
"I'm not talking to you." He mumbled crossing his arms over his chest carefully not to touch his cut.
I snorted, "Well you can go now." I said getting to my feet and backing away from him.
He didn't move or utter one word.
"Oh no, not the silent-treatment." A mocking voice said and I turned my head towards the bathroom door.
Caleb jumped down fast from the tub again.
"Dad!" He yelled running. Jacob keened down just in time for Caleb to run into his arms. "Where were you?"
"At work, What happened?" Jacob said, catching him, then held him back to look at his covered up cut.
"Nothing, I was running and-"
"Not listening?" Jacob finished.
"Like always." I mumbled merely to myself, then heard Sue call for Caleb from down stairs.
"Alright go eat, We'll talk about your rebellious behavior later." Jacob said, kissing him on the head, then slapped his butt out the door.
I smiled as Jacob looked my way and stood to his feet. I slowly moved towards him. The vanilla scent on his skin made my mouth water.
"So. How was your day?" He grinned, reaching to pull me into his arms. I didn't say anything as I placed my hands around his neck. "I'm assuming you regret not working today." He smiled, locking his arms on my waist.
Standing in his auto shop taking up space isn't my idea of working.
"You're wrong. Shopping with Sue was fun," I mocked sarcastically. "But speaking of the shop... it's time I find something else to do with my time." I said gently kissing his soft comely lips.
He's not going to like me quitting his dream job but he'll have to deal with it.
"Well can't say I didn't see that coming." His body was so warm and strong.
Grinding against him, He groaned and of course pulled me tighter.
"Yet, I'll get over it." He says coming in for a full kiss.
Feeling his lips and tongue against mine will always be invigorating.
Running my fingers through his hair, he moved his palms down towards my outer thighs and I knew he had that urge to grip me up and head to the nearest bedroom.
Can't have that. I leaned back just as I heard a knock on the bathroom door, and I looked over as Jacob growled.
"As much as I love you guys.. the public display of affection is a little too much for my eyes. I have to pee." Joshua said, taking another step towards us.
I snorted amused.
"Hmm, looks like we need to relocate." Jacob said, turning around, but keeping his right arm on my waist.
As I walked out the door, I patted Joshua on the head. "If you miss, cleanup then wash your hands." I said.
"And put the seat down." Jacob added behind me.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know." Joshua mumbled, shutting the bathroom door.
Walking towards the top of the stairs, Jacob grabbed my arm fast and I looked up at him curiously.
"Come on." He whispered nodding his head towards the back of the house, with a grin on his lips.
In the dimmed hallway, I narrowed my eyes. "What?"
"Come on." He repeated, pulling me away from the staircase.
I followed him back towards my old bedroom, and wondered what it was that he wanted.
"Haven't been in this room in a while." He mumbled flipping on the light.
"And it's still the same." I said. "Minus all my stuff."
"Yeah." He agreed as we walked in. "And what do you know, another bed in the old one's place." He said pulling me with him, shutting the door.
It almost looked exactly the same as it did ten years ago, just no art or photos on the wall.
Without a thought Jacob's sweet lips were on mine, and I tried not to stumb as he continued to lead the way.
"Um, Why do I feel like a freshman sneaking into the janitor's closet with her senior boyfriend -who's too ashamed to be seen in front of his jock-head friends?" I stated.
Jacob laughed. "If this was high school, yes, this would be that part." He said pulling me down on the bed as he lowered himself. "There's nothing wrong with finally having time to ourselves." He smiled.
I rolled my eyes.
"No but, you are seriously not trying to have alone time when there's like a billion people downstairs? Including wolves with super-hearing." I noted.
He smirked, holding my waist, placing himself right on top of me.
"They won't hear us." He whispered, kissing me so fast and hard like we didn't have time.
Jacob moved his right hand down the side of my thigh and around to my butt, grabbing it firmly.
No matter if I try to resist or not, his touch will always feel unbelievably amazing. I closed my eyes as he licked my collarbone sweetly.
"You've been wanting to do this all morning, haven't you?" I said low with a grin.
"Shhh." He said with his lips still against my skin.
I sighed a little uptight, as he caressed me all over. I wanted him terribly but the timing is horrible.
As soon as he starts stripping is where I'd have to stop him.
For a couple days, my ability to keep my legs closed has been the hardest on him. So there's no problem giving in to play time, even though we're not really alone at the moment.
In no time, Jacob made his overbearing adorable purring sound as he gently licked, then sucked my earlobe. That noise was an alarm going off -screaming he was seconds away from dominating me like he's done a billion times before.
Being with him like this… there's never any self-control. We always give into each other so madly and passionately in our own home. I remember there would be days that I would wait for him to get through the door, just so we could make sweet, hot steaming love.
"Jacob." I whispered his name both in pleasure and frustration.
Tilting my head, I opened my eyes as he lifted my shirt. Sliding both hands underneath my bra, to caress my breast. I moaned.
Even when my mind says no, my bones crave his touch. It didn't take long for his rubbing to make my nipples hard. So hard they ache.
Moving my legs for comfort, Jacob pulled my hips into him.
He was so hard, if I was to move my lower body the pain and pleasure would be ridiculous.
His smooth lips on my neck, I groaned when his sharp teeth nipped down below the now tiny scar that was still there.
Ugh. I hate when he does that.
It's been ten years and the thought of my attack- hours after a visit from Nahuel. It was in fact because of is father Joham that the hybrid-leech Dominic got so close to me. So close that the assault on my neck and inner thighs gave me nightmares for months.
I leaned my neck away as fast as I could.
"Jacob-"
Cutting me off by shoving his tongue down my throat.
Fast, grabbing both of his hands, moving them away from my chest. "Jacob." I said again.
"Not yet.' He pleaded in a whisper.
Instantly that urgency that ran through him came onto me. Gripping hold of his shirt, I lifted my right leg and rubbed it against his shaft.
Jacob moaned loudly, and I pushed him up, breaking our kiss completely.
Finally taking a breath.
I scooted to sit on the side of the bed, fixing my clothes.
Jacob sighed.
"What is it?" He asked, moving close beside me.
I took another breath, running my hands through my hair. "I want to enjoy this but we'll be too loud, and it'll be too obvious to everybody what we're doing." I said looking towards the bedroom door.
"Who cares?"
"I do." I said looking him in the eyes. "We're not kids. Sneaking away inconsiderately, especially right now."
"What is your deal?" He asked.
"I just told you, not here."
"Yeah, not here, not home, nowhere apparently." He said upset.
"Maybe sometimes I need a little break."
He snorted amused. "You say that like I'm some raging horn-dog everyday."
"It's how you act." I said getting up off the bed.
"Wow, Who would've guessed? I thought with you being home all day long you would want more times like this."
"You guessed wrong." I stated.
"Whatever." He mumbled getting to his feet.
"And since we're on the subject of being home, maybe you should think about your everyday routine. The kids hate the whole homeschooling thing. They want to start public school, and you should think about it... by doing that then maybe you won't be so uptight."
I snorted. "Uptight? I'm not uptight, and by kids you mean Josh."
"Same difference."
"No. Huge difference, and I'm not allowing him to go to public school because he's bored at home." I stated.
"Right." He mumbled nodding his head nonchalantly. "Of course not, because you don't care about anyone else except yourself."
"That is crap and you know it." I snapped back. "He has you wrapped around his little finger. Just because Joshua has a mouth, doesn't mean for you to take in everything that comes out of it."
"What the hell does that mean?" He says back.
"He manipulates you, Jacob. Man up. Every time he goes crying to you about something- you cave. You know, like that stupid four-wheeler that you bought four months ago. Look at it now. It's in the garage. You can't keep telling him that you'll get him whatever he wants just because you think I'm being unfair to him."
"Has it ever crossed your mind that I simply make up for every time you trash his hopes? Every time you say no to him and disregard any chance of putting a smile on his face. What do you expect me to do? He always does what you ask and you always kill any hope that he'll get some sort of reward later on. He deserves the best and you out of all people know what it's like to feel undeserving." He said suddenly moving towards the bedroom door.
I knew at that point he was right. Maybe I am a bit hard on Joshua.
"Jacob, wait." I said, exhaling. He paused at the door, getting ready to open it. "You're right, it's just… look, he's not ready for public school." I stated.
Joshua is very smart and wise, except just not in book terms.
"How would you even know? You haven't allowed him to try." He said defensive.
"Because I allowed him to get distracted. He isn't good enough yet."
"What?" He asked lost.
"He's not… advanced enough. He's not yet on a four grade level yet." I confessed. "Why do you think I've been ignoring his little hints? I know I pretended as if he's where he's supposed to be, but in actuality… he's not. I'm failing him. I'm literally failing our kid." I said.
I was beyond guilty.
"Are you sure?" He asks, walking back towards the bed.
"One hundred percent. Daniel and Caleb are perfectly where they need to be. They could manage just fine in public school, but Joshua… not so much." I said as he sat beside me.
"Well they have programs for that, and tutors and stuff." He said hopeful, scratching the back of his neck.
"We don't have the money, Jacob."
"We will." He promised, grabbing hold of my hand. "You need to cut him some slack though. We'll talk to him and we'll help him together. That way when the time comes he'll get where he needs to be." He said and I half expected him to be more pissed at me, but then again this is just the thing he would say.
"That's just what I needed to hear." I admitted.
"So what's your other issue?" He asked seriously, still holding onto my hand.
I looked away from him. I didn't have the balls to admit that even though I loved him, I was bored. Bored of our lives.
Constantly it's the same route. I need something new. I need something for myself. I want to be excited about something again. I can't just sit and stand in the house constantly with nothing but the kids to take care of. "There isn't one." I lied.
"I'm not stupid, you've been acting strange all day."
"You haven't seen me all day, and you're only saying that because I'm not in the mood to fornicate with you." I smirked.
He laughed without humor. "Leah, look at me." He said and I rolled my eyes to look at him.
"What?"
"I love you."
"You better." I say.
"Tell me what's wrong so I can fix it." He said and I wanted to melt from those words.
I sighed. "It's not you, alright? Everything's fine."
"Oh. It's not you, it's me?" He said and I shook my head.
"Seriously, it's nothing to do with you personally, Jacob. Not really."
"Not really?" He said, tiling his head. "Just say what you need to say, Leah."
"It's nothing, trust me. I just ...hate how this wedding is being so rushed upon us and the vampire-sighting around town." I said changing the subject. "I see Kelly on a weekly basis because she goes to the yoga studio on the days that I do. I don't speak to her other than to say 'hi' or 'bye'. Now she and Billy are getting married… when there are bigger things happening."
"I know." He nodded.
"You of course don't talk about her either, I know you're not alright with this."
"It's not for me to be alright with. My dad is his own person. I realized that when they made Keira. Not only do I not talk to Kelly, I barely acknowledge Keira, and she's only four years old." Which is a year younger than Caleb.
"Do you ever miss the old days?" I asked him.
"Oh yeah, back when we were heartbroken and torture and hated one and other shamelessly." He mocked sarcastically.
"No, I mean before all of that. Before Bella Swan brought our nightmares to reality. Back when our families would have dinner together constantly, with spaghetti and Seth hanging on to your every word and me talking on the phone all night long with mall-friends."
He smiled looking me in the eyes. "That seems so long ago."
"It has been." I noted. "I want to feel that way again." I confessed. "I want to walk out of the house knowing I'll never ever see another bloodsucking-leech again. I want to find out what makes me happy, outside of you." I can't tell him that I'm not so happy here with him anymore. "I want things to be different."
"Things are supposed to change, Leah." He stated, and that was it. He and I dislike Kelly because she brought change to Billy's life, when we should be grateful that she has.
"I know." I said not yet ready to press more on the subject. It's like in the old days when we're in our wolf form reflecting on the things that we just witness. Weirdly I could always feel every emotion when he was silent, way better than I could when he was pissed and talking through his teeth.
Now I actually give anything for him to read my mind, and want to run away together. To go far away so no vampires or hybrids can bother us and the boys.
Hearing a knock on the bedroom door. I turned my head and before I could open my mouth it opened.
"Hi," Daniel's voice said before his head popped in. "Grandma said come down now. I think Grandpa wants to tell us something." Daniel said not fully opening the door all the way.
"We're on our way down." Jacob said to him.
"Okay." Danny said, quickly shutting the door back.
I sighed, glancing down to make sure my clothes were fixed.
Just pushing up my bra so my boobs didn't look deformed.
Happy we weren't doing anything R-rated. I've got to teach that boy to knock before walking into a room.
Not bothering to say another word to Jacob, I stood and started walking towards the door.
To everyone else Billy's surprise will be shocking but to me I can only guess It's obvious he really loves Kelly, and wants to be with her. Knowing him like I do, he wants her to marry him not caring if anyone likes it or not.
Jacob I can imagine thinking of his late mother who died years ago, everytime Billy mentions Kelly.
Grabbing the knob, I opened the door but before I could open it all the way, Jacob pushed it with full force closed.
I turned a little as he put his entire body right in front of me.
I looked up into his dark brown eyes, and instantly he grabbed both sides of my cheeks, pulling me into him.
I closed my eyes.
Kissing me so hard and rough, that I held on to his shirt to catch my balance.
I needed his support as much as he needed mine.
Suddenly his warm lips were away from mine and I opened my eyes.
"I love you, just know that." He stated.
"Alright?" I mumbled confused.
"You can't be in control of everything all the time, and I can't be everything you want me to be." He says seriously.
"I'm going to always love you, no matter what." He started dropping his hands from my face. "Even if we haven't had sex in three weeks, I won't hold it against you. I have the patience, you'll see." He smiled.
I narrowed my eyes. "You think that just because I don't want to have sex everyday, every minute and second that it's about control?" I ask.
"I know it is. It's the only time you're most vulnerable."
"Me not wanting to have sex has nothing to do with control. It just gets boring, especially when I'm exhausted."
"Boring." He said, narrowing his eyes, perplexed, which wasn't really a question nor a statement. "You're not satisfied?" He asked in a whisper.
Ugh, I don't want him to feel as if he's not giving me what I want.
"No. What I mean is... you're perfect. Like I said before, it's me. I'm just not…there, it's hard to explain."
"Try me." He said with a hint of anger.
I shook my head. "Let's talk about this later."
"No. Come on. Just say the word, because I'm alright with a threesome. Speak up anytime." He joked.
I burst out laughing, shoving him. "Shut up."
He smirked, then his face turned into worry. "I know how it gets every single day, and maybe the trip to the lake could be good for us. It'll give us a chance to do something different. I'm fine with what we have, tell me how we can fix this. Whatever it is you want me to do, I'll do it." He said so simplistically and I felt horrible for even opening my mouth.
"You're speaking as if intimacy is our problem." I retorted. "That's not the issue at all."
"Then what is?" He asked unsettled and I rolled my eyes.
"Nothing. Forget it." I said, shaking my head.
He groaned, rocking back on his heels a bit. "Fine. You don't want to talk about this, we better head downstairs then." He said low and gloomy.
I sighed backing up as he opened the door.
Maybe deep down he already knows that I'm dying for something new in my life. That I want something so much more than to sit and wait around for him to finish fixing up stupid cars all day long.
I need something to make me feel alive, and he has no clue on how to give that feeling to me.
*Moments Later*
Walking past the crowded living room, I hurried into the kitchen.
Billy just finished telling everyone that he's getting married to Kelly after we all come back from the lake. The death of his first wife, Sarah, Jacob's mother who died in a car crash, is something no one has ever forgotten. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's Billy Black. Even though it's obvious he's making rash decisions on temporary blissfulness.
When I picture Billy getting married, it's to someone who is carefree, energetic, and spiritually-fun. Not someone who's uptight, moody, and self-appointed. Not someone so... like me.
It's very odd seeing him in a relationship with someone who is a total opposite of him. I guess opposites attract. The one thing Jacob and I can agree on is how much Billy has lost his mind in a happy kid like way. That woman is beyond high maintenance, and everyone knows that. Billy's house was a far cry from a hoarder's house, which was horrifying because it's so small- Kelly pretty much cleared it out.
Sue's living room and front porch was crowded with wolf pack members.
In the kitchen there was food on both the counter-top and table but no people.
"Hey, Lee Lee." A very deep voice said from behind me and I turned.
Scratching his cropped black hair and squinting his brown eyes, glancing over his shoulder as he walked to stand beside me. With long, rounded muscles and an old face... he always comes to me so sheepishly.
"Sand-man." I say.
Sam will never change physically. Still only 6'6", which is under Jacob's height, I still felt a bit short compared to him.
"I knew you would probably be the last one to eat, so I saved some food for you." Sam said. I moved towards the microwave as he did, then leaned up against the sink as he grabbed some paper plates.
"Thanks." I muttered.
"No problem. So, How is everything going?" He asked low.
"Good, I guess. Billy's getting married, Jacob wants me all to myself constantly, Joshua wants everything in the world to go his way. Life is great." I shrugged, crossing my arms across my chest.
"So nothing wrong I see." He smiled sarcastically.
I snorted. "Oh, how I love your sense of humor." Which was very rare because Sam Uley is the reserved and priggish king.
"Yeah? You should've seen me this morning." He smirked obviously in a cheerful mood.
Since childhood Sam has been very mature and somber. Due to his father's disappearance. He took on most of the responsibilities that his father should have taken. He's tough, but caring and loving to everyone.
For the last few years since I came back to La Push he's been trying to find his place in my life.
Not as an ex-boyfriend, or the guy who imprinted on my cousin but as a cool friend. We still haven't gotten there. Sam and I used to date but after he phased and imprinted on Emily, I'm very much over it.
"What's got you so red cheek happy? Did Amy set your briefs on fire again?" I joked.
Amy is his oldest and only daughter. At the age of thirteen she constantly keeps him on his toes. The rumor for years had been that Amy was a lot like me, unpredictable.
He laughed. "Thankfully, no."
"Well, at least you don't have to worry about other issues." I said referring to his daughter phasing like some of the reservation children.
"Yeah, Thank The Creator for that."
I snorted again. "But then again it can be early for her."
Most wolves don't first phase until they've peaked seventeen or so.
"Yeah." He nodded. "What about your little ones?" He asked.
"Let me guess, the long time spent up in my old bedroom with Jacob you overheard." I stated.
He laughed. "Not completely." He said low.
"Right." I said, unsure of how much eavesdropping he actually did.
"Honestly. Leah, if you're going to continue on doing things that make you unhappy then maybe you should throw in the things that please you as well." He stated. "Before I made the decision to become a Physical Education teacher, I had to figure out what I loved to do." He said handing me two large plates of food. "And sports and fitness is what fits me."
"Jeez, Sammy. Trying to fatten me up." I said, taking hold of the food. "Pretty soon you'll have to coach me into getting fit."
He laughed. "You won't have to ever worry about that. Besides, it's for both you and Jacob."
"Thanks." I said honestly, moving passed him.
"No problem. So, ah I'll see you tomorrow?" He whispered turning, to grab my arm but dropped his hand fast.
I paused, then faced him. "Tomorrow?" I asked.
"Yeah." He nodded, glancing behind me out towards the living room. "I know we all have to leave for the lake, but we should talk before that. Just in case we can't later." He stated.
"Talk about what?" I said offensively and curious.
"Well you know," He said, scratching the back of his head. "Ideas of what you'd like to get into."
"Such as?" I questioned.
"Hobbies, Jobs, perhaps school… I don't know what type of interest there is. To find out what you'll love to do."
He said and I bit my bottom lip. "You want to help me?"
"Yes, of course. It'll be fun." He smirked.
I nodded. "Alright. Don't sound like a terrible idea. I'll let you know in the morning when it will be a good time to meet up." I said as I still have his phone number even though I never ever call. "Off to camp-nowhere so the leeches can possibly follow should be fun." I mocked.
Sam sighed with a distressed look on his face.
I rolled my eyes. "What is it?"
"Nothing."
"Spit it out." I said knowing there was something he was itching to say.
"I know you and everyone else may be against going, but whatever is going on with the vampires might not be serious though as head of the council we can't take any chances. I don't want anyone to worry. I know not everyone on the reservation is going tomorrow, yet I believe making it optional for the tribe is what's best." He pressed.
"Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?" I say.
He snorted, shaking his head. "I don't know. I'm kinda hoping you'll oppose me here, you are second in command."
I remember perfectly being second in command to Jacob long ago. "Yeah, I'm second to you. Billy and Sue arranged this ideal of a vacation. So, sadly until they die you're not fully in-charge." I reminded him.
His mouth dropped. The stun look on his face was all too clear that he had nothing else to say.
"Just do what you do best, Sammy. Take the responsibilities as they come, I mean as the pack grows in numbers your struggles as an Alpha gets more-"
"Invisible." He said cutting me off.
I snorted. It's known that Sam believes he does a shitty job as alpha, but he isn't doing too bad. "No one in years has died, Sam. You're doing alright in my book." I said giving him a confidence boost.
"Thanks, Lee Lee."
"Stop, Don't call me that. I'm not going to stroke your ego here. That's Emily's job, but I'm saying... it's obvious that your ability to balance being the head-chief and doing what's best for everyone's hard candy. I can't do anything for you and I'm not going to hold your extremely warm ass hand. So don't get down about it."
He laughed. "I know. It's my job along with everything else. I signed up for it so no point in crying about it." He smiled.
"Any normal person would. Doing the same thing that you've been doing for years can be a drag." I say.
"You see?" He stepped towards me a bit. "You get me so much."
I snorted. "Too much, in which I would rather kick you."
He smirked. "It wouldn't be love unless it hurts."
"Yep, like a girl losing her virginity." I say, speaking of me..
"Ugh." He exclaimed, shaking his head in an attempt to get the image out of his head. "That wasn't one of our finest moments." He said, shamefully embarrassed of our first time.
At the age of seventeen, we skipped school just to go to his house and have sex for the first time. It was horrible, and not at all romantic. However the time followed he made it up to me by making every little moment after very special with love notes, candy and flowers.
He was always too careful in pleasing me and making sure I was always happy with everything sexually. It would only make sense that years after breaking my heart he will still constantly try to please me. I was his first love, and even though we no longer have those feelings for each other he feels obligated when he doesn't even have to. I belong to Jacob as he does to Emily.
I almost laughed. "I wasn't talking about us, personally. I was just noting that 'Love is similar to getting your cherry-popped, In the mind of a woman. That pain then after a while you start to feel okay, then you wake up and you're a little sore thinking of what were you thinking in the first place."
Sam made a feeble and nervously laugh then cleared his throat. "Remind me to kill every single guy that comes to my door step for Amy."
I smirked. "Well Amy's not quite there, but Claire is."
Claire Young is practically his step-daughter. The niece of Emily, and the cousin of me and Seth. Emily was a member of the Makah tribe when she came down to visit. Claire was actually rumored to be Emily's biological daughter.. yet Emily made no comment. Claire was at the age of two when they visited years ago, but after Quil imprinted on her, she never left La Push and Emily raised her as her own. Now at the age of seventeen Claire seems to be very happy with Quil.
"Claire lately hasn't been an issue. Evolving into a teenager Emily and I assume we would have problems with her personality, being so luxurious and superficial at a young age. However, as her princess-stage calmed down she hasn't been in trouble, she has been great. Quil is a respectable guy, not to mention he lives in our guestroom now. Which has made Claire very happy. Quil has been a very good influence on her." Sam says.
"Right." I nodded. "That's good. I''m sure she'll wait until marriage for sex."
"Yeah… well… that's something I would rather not think about." He said.
I don't know how he can not. "Anyway.." He said wanting to move on from the subject. "I've got everything under control, It's you I'm wondering about. Ethan and Levi have some young friends from school coming over next week. I would like it if Joshua, Daniel and Caleb came over."
I narrowed my eyes. "Like a sleepover?"
"Yes." He nodded. "Emily wasn't too sure about it, but this morning she agreed. She'd be busy next week helping Amy with Modeling auditions so I'll be ...babysitting." He smiled.
"That doesn't sound horrible, the boys have never really been to a sleepover before but I'll think about it." I nodded. And who knows, maybe with an empty house Jacob and I can spend some alone time together. "Wow, Should I be cautious when it comes to you bonding with a bunch of pre-teens?" I said amused. "This seems new."
Sam laughed. "No. Don't become cautious. I just have always been apha-Sam and not… fun dad-Sam."
I burst out laughing. It makes sense on the whole inviting children over for playtime with his children. "That's- I don't know...interestingly cool and out of your element."
"Not too far out of my depth I hope." He said nervously insecure.
"Not at all, but a word of advice. Jacob doesn't try to be the cool dad, he's just himself. With children they know off the back when you're trying too hard. So try not to try too hard."
"I understand." He nodded in agreement.
"So this gym teacher job, Are you excited?" I already knew the answer.
He's completely nervous and afraid that the kids at the school won't like him.
Sam always cared about what others thought about him. I always hated the fact that he did, even when we went to high school.
"Very." He nodded. "Maybe you can even work there with me. You know Emily is a math teacher there."
"Haha no thanks." I said without humor. The last thing I'll ever do is be seen working in the same place as him and Emily. Sounds like a plot out of an old Lifetime' movie.
"Come on, it'll be great. You went to college."
"I also didn't finish." I noted.
"You can't homeschool your boys forever. Think about this… The beneficial part about working is that you don't have to spend all of your time in the house. That's what's driving you mad. With nothing to do, other than watch television and talk to Billy or Jeremiah over the phone. You say all the time how exhausting running around with your boys can get. Besides, it beats working at the shop."
"That's pretty much done." I muttered glancing down at the yellow and white tile kitchen floor.
"Well that's great." He said a little too happy. "Just in time for us to find you a place where you won't have to pull your hair out and actually have fun."
"There's nothing wrong with the shop." I stated. Except I'm a little tired of going there out of boredom and loneliness.
"Of course there is. It's not your passion. It's Jacob's." He claimed.
I shrug my shoulders not saying a word.
"So instead of you being miserable, let's find something good to work towards."
"I'm not miserable and I will repeat again... I didn't finish college." I stated.
"You do know neither did Michael Jackson."
I laughed. "Well that's another problem, I don't sing."
"You sang at Kim's wedding?" He clarified. Jared Cameron and his imprint Kim got married years ago and the entire reservation was invited.
"That doesn't count because Rebecca, Haylie and I were together. Everyone can sing when they're in a group." I pointed it out.
"Not true." He disagreed. "Remember sophomore year, the band I formed for the talent-show?"
"Yes, you and the chess-club we're horrible." I laughed remembering back.
Back in those days none of the reservation even knew what 'The Cold Ones' were. All signs of the tribe and treaty weren't even whispered about.
"Hey, we weren't that bad."
"You got booed off the stage, Sand-man."
He smirked. "Yeah well you weren't always there to tell us that we needed more practice." He says.
"Sadly my ears couldn't bear the pain. It was hilarious when Old Quil referred to you guys as the next Goo Goo Dolls."
"Ugh. I hated when he said that. I miss him." He whispered the last part.
"Yeah, me too." I agreed. "But I actually love the Goo Goo Dolls. Every album now. That was insulting to hear that he thought that at the time."
"You always had good taste." He added.
"Looking at you I don't know about that." I joked.
"Ouch." He said, putting his hand over his heart. "Lucky you have food in your hand or I would make you pay for that."
"Oh, by what? Breathing on me?" I laughed and I instantly wondered what got into him today.
"What's up with you? You seem different." I said a bit taken back.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"You're always so uptight and serious, but now… you're-"
"Not so uptight and serious?" He says, cutting me off.
"Yeah." I answered.
Sam shrugged then scratched the back of his neck. "I don't know Lee-Lee. Lately I've just had a new outlook on things." He said honestly.
It's been years since he called me Lee Lee and now he can't stop.
"Part of it is because of you. Raised by my mother, she showed me what it was like to have love for a woman. When my great-grandfather Levi taught me about the old werewolf legends and the myths, I knew that you were the one person I could share them with. That sophomore year when we began dating is the only time I remember being happy. It wasn't until during our senior year that I became the first of the generation to phase into a wolf. Having no idea what had happened to me I was struck by panic and I hid."
"I know." I said low. He hid deep in the forest for two weeks. When he calmed down enough, he turned back into a human while he slept. He creeped back home and told no one about his experience. He wouldn't talk to his mother or me.
"I believed that I was going insane and was having delusions, but all I could think of was how unhappy you'd be of me." He says.
"Weird." I mumbled instantly, uncomfortable that he was telling me this after all these years.
He lived in fear of another transformation until Quil Ateara III stopped by to see his mom and happened to touch Sam's hand. Old Quil had been taught to recognize the signs of a werewolf who has already phased, or is about to. Sam's high temperature and recently unexplained disappearance made the situation clear to Old Quil. That night, Old Quil, Billy and my dad Harry went to Sam's house and invited him to a council meeting and explained that they knew what had happened to him and that everything he thought were myths were really facts, and that some members of their tribe have the power to transform into werewolves, and that there are real vampires.
The appearance of the Cullen family was the cause of his transformation. After that, he took his responsibility toward the tribe very seriously. Though everything became clear, he had trouble controlling his newfound powers. When Jared and Paul started phasing, he took the responsibility of explaining and teaching them how to control their powers.
"When my relationship with my mother and you became more difficult, because I couldn't give away any information about what had happened to me. It ruined me. Our relationship became strained."
"But not broken. Sam it was so long ago. Stop torturing yourself, you don't owe me a single thing." I stated. When Emily came to town for a visit, Sam was asked to stop by my house to hang out with us. He had already met Emily several times, and liked her. though, when he met her for the first time after he phased, he imprinted on her the moment he looked into her eyes. Fighting the urge to be near Emily, he left without a word.
"The night, when we broke up without any explanation-"
"Seriously, what has gotten into you? What are you trying to go back and receive?" I said cutting him off. Back then he was consumed with guilt and I was devastated. Why is he so focused on the past?
"Our last moments." He stated. "I remember how it was like to see you so unhappy and feeling guilty for it. Now over the years I watched how better you've become, and your relationship with Jacob… It's something that I wanted from the very beginning. To have a choice. You don't know how bad I truly envy him. At first Jacob didn't have a choice, but then… he did and you came back. You moved back and I knew it was something that I wanted, to be satisfied with how things ended up between us. I still want that but not with Emily, with you. Differently." He smiled with hope completely in his eyes then suddenly he glanced behind me as the smile faded.
Turning half-way around, I saw Jacob stand at the door. Glaring at Sam as if he could shoot bullets through his eyes. "Don't mean to interrupt." He said pushing himself off the door frame to come to my side.
I stepped back into Jacob as he wrapped his arms around my waist protectively.
"Hey, Jake." Sam said, greeting him and I hope Jacob didn't overhear our conversation.
"Sam." He hugged me and I looked at Sam.
"I better go. Have a goodnight." Sam said fast, then moved around us to leave the kitchen.
"Now I see why you forgot about me." Jacob said as I turned in his arms to face him. His warm russet skin and fresh resinous and vanilla scent.
I shook my head. "Sorry."
"It's alright. It doesn't matter. Should've known you'll be in here talking to Sam." He was annoyed. "When I saw him walk in here I counted the minutes till he left, except he didn't."
"Chatty that one is." I joked.
"What were you talking about?"
I sighed. "Emily, the kids and stuff."
He didn't say anything and it made me wonder if he himself ever thought about the past with guilt.
"Let me ask you something." I said leaning over to place the paper plates onto the sink counter.
Jacob squeezed my body more into his and I felt every muscle in his fiber.
As it felt more than nice to be in his arms I wondered if he ever thought about his first love as Sam had thoughts of me.
"Do you ever think about how things would be if the leeches never came here? If Sam and you never phased, Do you ever think of how it would be if she would've chosen you with no hesitation?"
If the Cullen's never came to Washington, then Sam nor Jacob would have never imprinted technically. Leaving him to be with Bella Swan while Sam and I'd probably be married with kids ourselves.
"She?" He asked in the sense of who.
"Vampire-girl." I spoke of Bella Swan in words that Emily would say. "Do you think about that?"
"Why are you asking me this?" He asked curiously not answering.
"I'm asking a question." I stated. "Do you?"
"No. Why?" He said and I stared deep into his eyes waiting for him to say 'maybe sometimes.
Yet he said nothing else.
"The only girl you ever loved… who you defied your own tribe to practically save, and you don't think of her at all?" I ask.
"No." He repeated. "Bella was never in love with me. She used my feelings for her for her own gain and when the bloodsucker she wanted came back I was kicked to the curb but strung along like a dog. Why- How could I ever want to think back to a time like that? To think about her? Cullen's or no Cullens… She could never be my homeland." He said so calmly that I practically crapped my pants out of stupidity.
"Well since you put it like that." I said glaring down at the kitchen floor.
That was in fact the most amazing response that I almost forgot I needed to hear.
"What were you and Sam talking about?" He asked and I shifted uncomfortably in his arms.
"It doesn't matter. He's stuck in the past and you just reminded me how I never want to go back there either." I said looking into his beautiful brown eyes.
He smirked. "Sam Uley could never be me."
"I've known that." I smiled happy that he wasn't a bit insecure about why I was asking him about Bella.
"Look... if for some strange reason you want to be friends with him, I won't say not to be. You'll see soon enough that you're better off. For whatever reason he's still obsessed, if I see him in the way he was with you in here today. I won't stop myself like I did just now." He said and I instantly feared for Sam's wellbeing.
Stop himself from doing what exactly? I have no clue but It was in fact more than guilt of the past for Sam. He was obsessed with it. It's like he was still seventeen. With what we had. Sam was now a past thought.
"You don't have anything to worry about, we're just friends." I said fast. "Not even that."
"I'm not worried, but tell yourself that if you want, then make sure he knows that." He said letting his arms drop from my body and quickly moving to leave the kitchen.
I exhaled, feeling disarranged. Maybe making plans with Sam is a horrible idea, especially now that he's declared his feelings of being unable to let go.
Besides, I've seen Jacob Black when he's angry, not so pretty.
Half of the time I can't take it when Jacob looks perplexed at something. At this moment Sam may have understood what Jacob hadn't moments ago upstairs, but it's no reason to allow Sam to get close enough to feel that he's equal to Jacob. He could never compare.
*End of Flashback*