Chapter Six: Selfish

Rose

My mother was already waiting on the foyer when Adrian and I arrived back at the palace. Mother was pacing rubbing her palms against the skirt of her dress. I had never seen her so disheveled. She was the epitome of serenity and elegance that seeing her this way made my chest hurt. I was always worrying her with my wild child nature, but I had never seen her so concerned. Perhaps I never noticed being caught up with how much I hated all the rules. Usually, she would simply shake her head and tell me how disappointed she was at my behavior. Sometimes her words stung more than if she had slapped me. I wanted to make my parents proud, but why did I have to sacrifice who I really was for that? Even as a child, I just wanted to be free to run, to laugh, to be a child.

Seeing my mother like this, with eyes glistening and trembling lower lip, I wondered if my freedom was worth the hurt I was inflicting upon her. As Adrian took me by the hand towards my mother, I reflected on my behavior. I was upset over the engagement, which I already knew as coming, and decided to leave without a word or approval from my mother. I put not only myself but Lissa and my guests in danger. I knew someone wanted my family and me gone, and yet I acted like a child running away from home leaving behind a worried mother and father. From the beginning I had been nothing but a headache for my parents and those around me. I recalled a time playing with Mason climbing trees in a new dress mother had bought me. I shouldn't have done it. Climbing wasn't practical in a dress or at all for me. It was my first time, and I fell. Fortunately, I hadn't made it very far up so my fall caused a bloodied knee and scrapped elbows.

"I am very disappointed in you, Rosemarie," Mother had said pulling me by the hand inside after my fall. She sat me down on a loveseat and tended to my wounds. "A princess does not climb trees. A princess must be poised at all times. There are expectations you must meet, Rosemarie. One day, you will be queen. I suggest you start acting like a princess first. As for you, Mason," mother had turned to Mason, who hung his head in shame but stood tall at the mention of his name. "Report to Pavel for punishment. You are supposed to protect the princess not indulge her in mischief."

"Yes, Your Majesty," Mason had bowed and retreated. I didn't see him for a couple of days. He returned to me with a smile and purple bruises a few days later.

I never thought of the people around me whenever I made hasty decisions. This time, I could have destroyed everything my family worked so hard for. I held onto Adrian tightly feeling the weight of my shame grow as we moved closer to my mother. She finally looked up and stopped pacing. At first, I saw relief wash over her and a single tear escape her left eye, which she quickly erased with the back of her hand. Then, I saw the ever present disappointment that I hadn't been born a man or at least a better daughter. We stopped in front of her, and I fell to my knees in repentance.

"Your Majesty," I inhaled deeply before continuing.

"Stand up," mother said before I could continue, and I obeyed immediately. I was knocked back by her hand on my cheek. I caressed my cheek as Adrian held me up. I had never been struck in my life, and while it was a surprise, I somehow saw it coming. I knew I wasn't going to get away with this fiasco unscathed. "You had me worried sick, Rosemarie. How dare you leave the palace without approval? How dare you leave at all?! Do you not care about your life? Do you not care about your father or me? Do I need to remind you the danger we are all in? Why would you do this Rose? When will you ever learn to be a princess?" She swallowed followed by a deep breath to compose herself. I had never seen her so angry in my life. No. Seeing how selfish I had been, I knew it wasn't just anger. It was fear that something far worse had happened to me.

"I never asked for this," I mumbled anyway because I was hurting too. I knew I had really done it this time, and I was going to take her wrath without complaint, but I couldn't let her accuse me of not caring about her or father. "I never asked to be born a princess. You and father have drilled into me the importance of my blood, of my duty, and I have accepted it without too much complaint. You cannot expect a bird to fly without wings. You, father, Lady Tatiana and even my grandfather made sure to clip my wings since birth! You expect me to rule a country that is tearing itself apart? You all want to ignore what is right in front of us. The witches want revenge for what we have done to them. We have hunted them and killed them, and your solution is for me to marry Adrian? Your solution is a wedding. You think marrying Adrian is going to stop them from trying to kill me?" I paused and wiped the hot tears trailing down my cheeks stinging were my mother struck me.

My mother watched me with an emotionless mask. She probably thought this outburst would help me rid my rebellious nature. I was starting to scare myself though. I had never talked to my parents this way. I had never expressed my feelings so openly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lissa had stopped whimpering and watched with eyes wide from Christian's arms. Christian averted his eyes as he looked at the ground, no doubt uncomfortable at my outburst. He must have felt like he had no right witnessing this family dispute. Adrian remained close though very tense. I expected him to stop me from exploding like this, but I guess he was going to start acting the husband part and support me. No. This was just the way Adrian was. He always tried to be there for me. I wondered if he knew before my outburst that we were officially set to be married. Considering the way things were going with the witches and the threats against my family, we might not get to the altar. Hell, my mother might murder me before the witches get to me.

"I apologize for leaving without a word," I said calmer. "I gave the order, so if you wish to punish me, I accept the punishment without complaint."

My mother chuckled humorlessly. "I would punish you if I thought you would learn anything from it. Your grandfather spoiled you too much. He said you would grow into your role, but we cannot wait any longer for you grow up, Rosemarie."

"How do you expect me to grow up if I can't see the outside world? How can I rule when all the ideas I have are outdated? These aren't the medieval times, Mother. The world is changing every day. What's more, there's nowhere to hide because if they want us dead, they will find us."

"The fact remains," my mother straightened up and the worry she might have felt while I was gone was truly erased from her eyes like it was never there. She was back to being Queen Janine. "You disobeyed and put yourself at risk. You put Vasilisa and our guests at risk. You were lucky Mr. Belikov was there and reacted quickly. We are forever in debt with our Russian envoys. As for you, I am very disappointed, Rosemarie. Mason, Eddie, and Grant report to Pavel for punishment immediately. Vasilisa report to Kirova for punishment tomorrow morning."

"What?" I protested as my friends bowed and accepted the queen's orders. "They did nothing wrong but obey! Punish me, Your Majesty."

"I am," my mother said looking down at me. "Your punishment is knowing your friends are being punished for your rebellion as always. You must learn the people around you suffer for your actions. It is time to grow up, Rosemarie." She turned to Adrian. "Adrian, darling, thank you for bringing Rosemarie home. Your Aunt just left to meet with the King about this new attack. You may return to the Parliament Building. I will have servants tend to the princess."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," he took my hand. "I would like to stay a bit longer with Rose, if you allow it."

"Certainly," the queen nodded. "See what a great husband you will have at your side, Rosemarie?" She sighed and stepped closer to both of us seeing our forlorn faces. "Today, an arranged marriage may seem like the end of the world. I felt the same way when my marriage to His Majesty was announced. Overtime, you will learn to love each other. You will be happy, and one day, you might thank us for this."

With that, the queen departed to tend to her duties leaving me to face my friends in shame. "I'm so sorry," I said meeting Mason's eyes. He was always paying for me. "I'm sorry everyone. I'm always giving you trouble, and I…"

"Your Highness," Mason interrupted dropping to his knee with his right hand over his heart. "I live to serve you, and I failed you. I knew going outside was forbidden without approval from Their Majesties. I willingly accept my punishment, and I will never fail you again."

Tears rolled down my cheeks as Eddie and Grant followed Mason, both falling to their knees and begging I forgive them for failing to save me from myself. I couldn't stand it, so I did the only thing I could do, I ran. I ran because there was nothing I could say that would make Mason, Eddie, or Grant see reason. They didn't have to always accept that their lives were easily traded for mine. If assassins came, they'd take a knife for me. If they failed to save me, they had to end their lives. No matter what, we always made them give up the one thing that should be theirs and theirs alone to do whatever they please. The monarchy demanded their lives for us. We came first, or at least I did, and I couldn't stand it. Like I told my mother, I never asked for this.

I kept running until I was in my bedroom. I paced back and forth from the window to the door. A small knock at my door made me stop and look up. Lissa poked her head in timidly before letting herself in. She said nothing as she crossed the room and threw her arms around me. I allowed her to hug me as she cried on my shoulder. Despite my self-hatred, I realized she needed me to. She had just witnessed something horrific and tomorrow, Kirova would inflict a punishment on her. I knew Kirova wouldn't hit Lissa, but I knew whatever Kirova had in mind wouldn't be pleasant either. So I comforted my friend and promised myself to speak to my father. If I couldn't do anything for my guards, maybe I could do something for Liss. My father loved her like a daughter, so I hoped he would convince mother to spare my friend.

"I'm sorry, Rose," Lissa said finally stepping back. Her eyes were puffy and red, and there was snot all over her pretty face. I took a handkerchief from my vanity and wiped her face.

"For what, silly girl?" I whispered unable to trust my voice hearing her so broken. "I should be the one apologizing. I got you all into this. It should be me facing the old hag tomorrow not you."

Lissa rolled her eyes. "Who cares? Kirova will make me do dishes or wash clothes. I can handle her. You… You are hurting. I have never seen the Queen so angry, and she," Lissa touched my cheek where a red imprint of my mother's hand was still present, "she actually slapped you."

"This is nothing," I sighed stepping away from her and going to the window. "I deserved it. I deserve so much more for putting you in danger. I wish I could have spared you that sight. So much blood… You and everyone could have been hurt because of me. My mother is right. I need to grow up."

"Where is the fun in growing up?" Adrian said standing on the doorway. There was a carefree smile on his lips but his eyes bore all the worry in the world. "If we all grew up at the same time, this world would be a boring place."

"Life is not supposed to be fun," I muttered. "You're born, you live, and then you die."

"That is so depressing," Adrian closed the door behind him and made his way to my bed where he sank into the mattress. "Remind me to have people write your vows, dear."

I bit my lip and met Lissa's eyes. She nodded understanding what I was asking her. "I'm going to get some rest. I will see you tomorrow. Maybe. Watch over her, Adrian."

"Will do. Get some rest, Liss. Don't let Kirova give you too much of a hard time." He said with pity in his voice that sweet Lissa had a long and hard day the next day.

Once Lissa was gone, I sat on the bed next to him. We let awkward silence settle around us. I contemplated my life choices, and he, well, he was Adrian. He acted like nothing was wrong in the world, but I could tell it was a mask he put on for the world. He pretended nothing unnerved him, but deep down, he couldn't possibly be happy about the engagement or the fact that once he married me, or sooner, he would be the target of threats.

I recalled what my mother said a few minutes ago. She said my choices affected those around me. I always knew it, but the truth hadn't settled until now. No matter what Adrian said about growing up not being fun, it was inevitable. The sooner I grew up the better too. My time was up as a spoiled princess. My choices were shaping the future and the lives of those around me. Not only my friends and family but the people I would soon rule. I had to be more careful. I had to stop being selfish.

I lay down next to him and looked over to see his eyes closed and his hands under his head. He could fool someone into thinking he was asleep, but I saw how his chest was moving too fast. He was breathing hard. Something was troubling him, but he dared not say it.

"We should announce our engagement during my party," I said looking up at the ceiling, and the stars my grandmother had painted for me long ago. The paint was starting to chip away, and I was almost sorry to have them restored covering my grandmother's brushstrokes. Soon everyone I loved would be erased leaving nothing but memories. I sighed sadly.

"What the hell?" Adrian sat up, and I felt his striking emerald eyes on me. "How do you go from, 'I hate life, and I hate the good for nothing Adrian, so I will never marry him' to announcing our engagement in a few days?"

"I don't hate you," I turned to meet his eyes. "I love you. You're one of my best friends. I trust you with my life, so I'll trust you with my heart too."

"Rose," Adrian groaned. "Don't. Don't say stuff like that because you don't know what it means."

"Of course I do," I shrugged. "Better the devil you know…" I trailed off and gave him a small smile, but he didn't return the gesture. Adrian was uncharacteristically somber and nothing I said seemed to cheer him up. I could understand. He was feeling trapped too. The difference between us, he'd never say anything to his parents.

"You realize just last night you said you couldn't allow me to marry without love," Adrian reminded me of last night after he came to meet Dimitri at my request.

"I also recall you said it was fine," I frowned worried he'd actually refuse to marry me. I'd happily let him back out, but as Tatiana said we had no choice. I also agreed with him. It was better to marry someone I already knew to be kind and cared for me. I was selfish through and through. I was selfish never thinking of my friends suffering the consequences of my choices. "You said you'd do it for me."

"I know," Adrian sighed and put his head back on my pillow pinching the bridge of his nose. "And I will do it, but I hate to see you losing your spark, Little Princess. You're always fighting the system. Always so headstrong and stubborn that seeing you accept your fate is like seeing the end of the world. I thought you wanted a strong macho man to come sweep you off your feet? I'm not that man. My arms are too skinny, and you, well, you need to stop eating so much."

I threw a pillow at his face, and we both chuckled. Once again, there was silence between us as I considered his words. I did dream of passionate love. I dreamt of finding my soul mate. Our eyes locked through the crowd as we made our way to each other pulled by the attraction between us. Somehow in this scenario, I knew my soul mate had the warmest chocolate brown eyes. He was tall with strong arms, warm skin, and when he spoke in my ear he had an exotic accent. A Russian accent to be exact. Never before had my dream man been this clear in my mind. It was embarrassing.

"Why are you blushing?" Adrian said poking my arm. I simply looked away as he insisted. Suddenly, he gasped. "Oh my God. Are you having a wet dream about another man with your future husband present? How very promiscuous, Your Highness. Do tell, is it someone I know?" As I said nothing, Adrian pursed his lips and seemed to think about the number of men in my life. Unfortunately, they were few. "Don't tell me it's Belikov?"

I said nothing as I stood up and paced the room as the blush deepened. I knew I was silly thinking of Dimitri. How silly imagining him being my soul mate when I had just met him but everything about him was intriguing. Unfortunately, nothing could ever happen. We couldn't explore that unexplainable way we felt at ease around each other. We couldn't speak of the obvious attraction between our bodies as we often kept very little distance between us. Is it possible to be this attracted to someone so fast? Is it love? If not, is it simple lust? What was happening to me?

"Your silence is disturbing," Adrian stood before me gripping my shoulders gently searching for the truth on my face. "Oh, Rose. Don't tell me you like the Russian? What happened to him being a suspect in your grandfather's murder?"

"I don't know anymore, Adrian," I shrugged him off and sat by the window looking down at the gardens. More guards than I had ever seen patrolled the grounds on high alert after the attack on the beloved princess. They looked like ants pacing back and forth in their red uniforms. Ants following the command of their Queen and could not disobey. "If he wanted me dead, he would have already done so. I know he's no simple diplomat. You should have seen him move…" I sighed and bit my lip recalling how swiftly and gracefully he moved as he knocked my guards down.

"Move?" Adrian sat in front of me. "Move in what way, Rose. Did he…"

"Oh, God. No! Adrian he respects the crown and me. He wouldn't…" I felt the heat on my cheeks deepen and my breath caught thinking of him just throwing caution to the wind and stealing a kiss from me.

"You wish he would," Adrian sighed. "You have to stop it, okay? You know he's no diplomat, so you should be careful until I find out who he really is. I have people working on it, but it's going to take some time."

"I'm telling you though," I took his hand and squeezed reassuringly. "He's not here to harm me. If he was, he'd done so already." I told him about how easily Dimitri disposed of Eddie and Grant yesterday. "Besides, he was there for me when… When we got to the car and saw the blood, he acted as if on instinct and pulled me away from there. While there was panic and chaos around me, he was calm and collected. He got me safely to the Parliament Building. I don't think that's how an assassin works."

"Maybe he wants you for himself," Adrian exhaled smoke out the window. We both chuckled at his choice of words. "You know to kill you himself not to…" He put his cigarette out on the windowsill and leaned closer meeting my eyes. "Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. We still know nothing of this guy; for all we know he could just be crafty. He is just good at hiding his motives and will strike when we least expect it. Promise you will be careful around him until I bring you the information you asked. I can only confirm for now that he's no diplomat. No one in my circle has heard of him."

"He seems like he keeps to himself," I said resting my head against the wall and thinking Dimitri wasn't the trusting type considering what happened with his father. For some reason, he seemed trusting enough of me to tell me a little of his past. "He might not frequent your clubs and parties, so your circle might not know of him."

Adrian shook his head. "It's hopeless trying to convince you. You always see the good in people. I guess I will have to bring you proof. In the meantime, just promise you'll be careful. Witches could be the least of our worries if we have a skilled assassin in the palace that is making your loins burn with desire."

"Adrian!" I blushed and smacked his arm. "Don't talk like that."

"Better get used to it," he said kissing my forehead and getting up to leave. "We're getting married, Little Princess." He pulled out another cigarette and twirled it in his fingers hesitating.

"Go on and say it. Whatever is troubling you is better to be said out loud than kept inside your little head. You might hurt your brain more." I snickered.

"Funny," he said though there was no amusement there. "If you want to go through with it, we'll announce our engagement at your birthday party."

"What do you think?" I wanted to avoid his eyes. I didn't want to see the hurt in them. I had never asked Adrian if there was someone special in his life. I assumed he wasn't that type of man as he liked to have many female friends in different cities. But seeing the hesitation and sadness, I wanted to kick myself for assuming he hadn't already found someone. I hoped he hadn't because as always there was selfishness in me. Misery loves company.

"I think it's going to happen sooner or later, so why not sooner and on our terms?" He cleared his throat and got on one knee.

"Adrian. Don't." I protested breathlessly. "Don't do this."

"Don't tie my shoe?" He snickered as I blushed embarrassed. He took my left hand and kissed it. "Not yet. I wasn't prepared. This is the first I hear of the official arrangement. I'm sure Aunt Tatiana will tell me soon. Now that I know, I will prepare a ring worthy of you, Little Princess. I promise I will do my best to make you happy."

"I promise too," I said wiping the tears rolling down my cheeks with the back of my right hand. "And I'm really sorry you have to do this. I will never forget what you're sacrificing for me."

He sighed and kissed my hand again. "Just know I'm going to require back rubs for eternity."

I threw my arms around him hugging him tightly and laughed at his silly words. "Deal."

I remained sitting by the window once Adrian was gone trying to imagine what our life will be like once we were married. I couldn't see it. As hard as I tried to envision a future with Adrian, it was like looking into the darkness and seeing nothing. I hoped that wasn't a prediction to how dark our future together would be. I hoped it didn't mean we would end up hating each other. Adrian was so important to me, and I hated the thought of losing him. A soft knock at my door startled me out of my depressing thoughts. I didn't have the energy to meet with anyone else, but it was either entertain whatever guest had come to see me or dwell longer on my future.

"Come in," I called sitting up straight and smoothing the skirt of my dress. I hadn't had the energy or time to change into something more comfortable. I guess it worked out as I was about to play hostess to some intruder. Lionel, one of the guards sometimes assigned to me, entered and bowed his head. "Yes, Lionel?"

"Your Highness," he said closing the door behind him. "I have Dimitri Belikov requesting to see you."

I sat up abruptly and my heart raced threatening to burst out of my chest. I wanted to run out and throw my arms around him. I wanted him to hug me tightly and make me feel safe. I started to feel lightheaded, and I realized I was holding my breath. I took deep breaths as I made for the mirror. I looked a mess with hair all over the place, tear stained cheeks, and a red mark still from when my mother slapped me. I couldn't meet Dimitri like this.

"Take him to the south tower," I instructed Lionel. "I will be there in ten minutes."

"Of course, Your Highness," Lionel bowed and left.

I rushed to change into a black long sleeve blouse, and a long cream colored skirt. This was the most casual and comfortable clothing I had that didn't scream I was trying to look good for him. I let my hair down and washed my face hoping to hide the mark left behind by my mother's disappointment. I stepped out of my room and found Lionel and two other guards waiting for me. They followed closely as I made my way to the tower where Dimitri waited.

"Stay here," I instructed the guards at the foot of the spiral staircase. "I will be a few minutes."

"Your Highness, I have instructions not to let you out of my sight," Lionel protested.

"Five minutes. Just give me five minutes and you can come up." I sighed knowing I couldn't allow Lionel or the other two guards to be punished for my indiscretions like I had let Mason, Eddie, Grant, and Lissa.

Lionel agreed reluctantly and waited. As I took the stairs as fast as I could and not waste time, my heart was causing my ears to ring and my hands were sweating profusely. I coached myself to breathe evenly as I stepped into the tower and saw Dimitri's back. He still wore the clothes of the day. His back was broad and I could see the muscles under his black shirt. His hair was disheveled like mine.

"Dimitri," I whispered still a little out of breath either from looking at him or climbing the stairs too fast. I decided to go with the latter.

He turned at his name, and I saw his eyes looking all over me. Was he seeing me or was he simply concerned I was harmed since he last saw me at the Parliament Building? I couldn't read his face this time. His face was void of emotion though his hands were fisted. Finally, I saw some emotion when his eyes landed on my cheek. His eyes widened and he stepped forward closing the void between us. His hand pushed my hair back exposing my cheek. With his fingertips, he caressed my skin, and I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips feeling his warmth. His touch was gentle a contrast from my mother's.

"Who did this?" He whispered too. I guess he couldn't trust his voice either.

"It's nothing," I looked away and stepped back. I wanted to stay in his embrace. I wanted him to keep touching me, but I had promised myself I would think of my actions more. If word got to my mother and father about Dimitri and me meeting and touching so freely, he could be harmed. I was done hurting the people around me because I was childish and selfish. At least one person had to be spared from me and my terrible choices.

"This is not nothing, Rose," Dimitri dropped his hand and made a fist again. He was struggling with control.

"It's nothing I didn't deserve," I cleared my throat. "Mother had every right."

"No one has a right to lay a finger on you," he said fervently stepping towards me again. "Don't ever let anyone hurt you. Abusers think they do it because it's the right thing to do. It's never the right thing to do."

"Are you saying violence is not the answer? How do countries solve problems? With war." I responded walking towards the window overlooking the palace gardens. I knew why he said that. His father abused his mother, and he couldn't bear the thought of anyone being abused the same way. He was protective yet aloof. It was like a switch had been flipped, and he wasn't the same Dimitri I liked. I didn't want to feel anything for him. Feelings would only complicate matters especially now that I was engaged. I had Adrian to think about. I had to respect him and our future union, so I had to steer the conversation into safe waters.

"That's different," Dimitri sighed, and he seemed to realize his behavior was complicating the already complicated relationship between us. He kept his distance as he continued. "Sometimes there's no other option than war."

"Sometimes," I touched my cheek. "There's no other option than a good slap to the face to wake a person up. I put my friends in danger. I put my family in danger. Going out without approval and the proper guards, I set myself up to be attacked. I could have died." You could have died, I added to myself.

"I wouldn't have let anything happen to you," Dimitri stood behind me so close I could feel the warmth from his body. So close his breath tickled my neck, and I shivered.

"You're only an ambassador," I said trying to ignore the way he was making feel and instead fishing for the answers Adrian was supposed to get for me. "What could you have done?"

"In my country, we're all trained in combat. I liked knowing how to defend myself, so I continued taking lessons. It helps keep my family safe." He said without missing a beat; I wondered if he had rehearsed this answer many times.

"I'm not your family," I responded leaning against the wall knowing that if he continued to move closer, I'd be trapped now. I wouldn't be able to escape his scent or his warmth. I wouldn't be able to escape these feelings any longer, and my struggle to be good, to grow up would be shattered.

"You might as well be," Dimitri leaned against the wall next to me. "I care about you, Rose, and I hate seeing you like this. Did your mother say something to make you so… Different."

"No offense, but you don't even know me," I looked at my shoes unable to meet his eyes. I didn't want to see concern in them because I might be enticed to bare my soul again. I couldn't do that anymore. If there was anyone in this world, I should share my fears and hopes with were Lissa and now Adrian. Dimitri was a guest, and one day he'd leave taking my secrets with him. Maybe even taking my heart with him. "How would you know who I am? You've only known me a day."

"The same way you know me," Dimitri chuckled and for a moment he was back, and I almost forgot I was supposed to stop being selfish and told him everything like he was my personal diary. "I have never met anyone who saw right through me. It's terrifying. But I know enough about you to know the Queen has arranged a marriage for you with Adrian."

"Yes. So? It was bound to happen. Everyone knows it." I shrugged.

"And you are accepting it?" Dimitri frowned. "What happened to being free and marrying for love?"

"What do you want me to do? Kick and scream? Hold my breath until I get what I want? I'm not a child anymore. I have to grow up." I scoffed and pushed away from the wall. "I am a princess. There are things expected of me. Just earlier you said I was meant to change the world. How do you think I will accomplish so without a husband?"

"You are strong. You will find a way." He seemed to almost plead for me to keep fighting. It was a reflection of what Adrian had said earlier about me always fighting the system.

"Not with the laws we have. A Queen cannot take the throne unwed. I cannot change that law until I'm queen. Do you see the problem?" I was so conflicted. My parents expected one thing, and my friends expected another. I couldn't please everyone without destroying myself in the process.

"What about your father? He can change it." Dimitri suggested after a second of silence. Why was he suddenly eager for me to break the rules? Why did he seem desperate to get me out of my engagement with Adrian? I convinced myself it was because that was Dimitri. He wanted to help. If his sisters were in this situation, he'd do the same. He really did think of me as family. As a sister. I swallowed the knot in my throat.

"The King is too busy with other matters. The witches are angry, so my father has to find a way to settle all this once and for all. The council is no help. They are so hung up with how my father took the throne. With all of that, do you think he has time to annul a centuries' old law? There are more important things, Dimitri. Marriage might feel like the end of the world now, but I have to look at the bigger picture." I almost laughed sounding so much like my mother. She would be proud.

"You don't love him," Dimitri said without moving from his spot against the wall.

"I do," I sighed looking down at my hands. "Adrian is wonderful. He will make a good companion. I need him, Dimitri. I need Adrian to take the throne. I don't want this, you're right, but I have a duty to my family and my country. You know all about that."

"What about the duty to your heart?" Dimitri looked up and met my eyes. I frowned. How could he say that? I thought he understood all about duty and loyalty to one's blood and people.

"My heart doesn't know what it wants," I whispered hurriedly hearing Lionel's footsteps knowing we had run out of time. "Not when it comes to this. All I know is that I need Adrian. I have to be Queen."

"Okay," Dimitri's jaw twitched, and he bowed low to me. "I will help you be Queen. Anything you need from me, Your Highness, I will do gladly. I am at your service."

"Dimitri, you don't have to do this," I breathed hard and felt the knot in my throat threatening to choke me. "Your friendship is more than enough."

"You'll always have that," Dimitri met my eyes, and I thought I lost him. He was a different person now. He was distant. There was no warmth despite his words. He didn't approve of my choice to marry Adrian. I guess his talk of sacrifice was all talk, and when it came down to it, he didn't mean it. A part of me said it was because he was hurting that I was getting married. That he cared about me more than a friend or sister. Another part said I was being stupid. No matter, the Dimitri I thought I knew was gone.

"Are you still going to teach me how to defend myself?" I asked hopeful to bring out the Dimitri who looked proudly at me after disarming Mason. I wanted things to go back to how they were yesterday. I didn't like feeling so far away from him. We would always be worlds apart because of my noble status, but he made me forget all of that briefly. Though I had decided to stop being selfish, it was easier said than done. I wasn't ready to let go of him.

"Of course. Let me know when."

I retreated to my bedroom after setting up a time to train first thing in the morning. Dinner was brought up to my room by Mia because I didn't feel like talking to my parents or anyone for that matter. There was so much on my mind. Lissa didn't come to help me get ready for bed that night, and I assumed she was resting as much as she could before Kirova punished her with as many hard chores as she could. I was in bed reading when a knock at my door made me look up. My father entered.

"Your Majesty," I said starting to get up to curtsy.

"No need. I am here as your father not the King." He motioned with his hand for me to stay in bed. "Besides, you need to rest, my dearest."

"I'm fine, Baba," I leaned back on my pillows anyway and felt sleep heavy on my eyes reminding me that the day had been indeed exhausting.

"Are you?" He arched his eyebrow as he sat by my feet. "Your mother told me she lost it momentarily and slapped you."

"I deserved it," I played with the pages of my book averting my eyes. "I put my friends and myself in danger. I put our family in danger."

"You understand how important you are, Rosemarie?" My father rested his hand on my ankle over the sheet and squeezed gently. "You are the future. It is the one thing I can agree with Victor on. The young ones are the future. The world is changing so fast I do not know how long I can keep up. I am old." He chuckled.

"You are going to live forever, Baba," I said smiling at him. "I just know it."

"Even so," he sighed. "I will grow tired, and I will need to pass the crown to you. I cannot do that if…"

"I'm dead," I finished for him, and he inhaled sharply I thought he might strike me too. The thought of me dying is what terrified my mother, and she did what she did. I didn't like it, but I understood why she lost her temper. I knew it wouldn't happen again especially since I had promised to myself to finally grow up and stop being so rebellious.

"I was going to say if you are not married," out of his coat, he pulled out a black velvet box. "I hear you are being very mature about the situation. I, on the other, hand wish you did not have to marry that party boy."

"Adrian is good, Baba," I smiled sadly still aching for my friend who would be giving up his freedom so soon. "He's going to be good to me and the country. You will see."

"Despite everything," he cleared his throat and handed me the box. "I think you are right. That fool will be good to you."

"What is this?" I asked afraid to open the box and find a family ring.

"Not what you think it is," he chuckled. "Open it. You will like it."

I opened the box to find a double stranded bracelet made out of small pearls and an emerald in the shape of a droplet. "I don't like it. I love it! Thanks, Baba."

I sat up and hugged him. We didn't share many moments like this, so it was nice to embrace him. He didn't let go right away either, and I wondered why this felt like we were running out of time. When he pulled back, he kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Rosemarie," he took my hand. "Do not forget it."

"I love you too," I frowned. "Everything okay, Baba?"

"Of course, dearest," he pushed my hair behind my ear and took the bracelet from me. "Let me put it on you. Every time you look at it, you will think of us. Your mother chose the pearls and the design. I chose the emerald. It comes from your grandfather's scepter. I thought you might want to keep him, us, close."

"I always keep you close. You are in my heart," I said choking up on the love I possessed for my family. "What's the occasion anyway?"

"To celebrate how much you have grown. I know we ask so much of you, Rose, but you are so strong and have accepted everything we have thrown at you."

"Not without dragging my feet about it first," I wiped my eyes. "I'm sorry I caused so much grief. I promise it won't happen again."

"It is okay for you to fight it," he held onto my hands. "You would not be you if you did not fight for what is right. That is why I know you will be just fine."

"I will," I sighed. "Can I ask a favor?"

My father narrowed his eyes on me. "Perhaps."

"Is there any way you can spare Lissa the punishment?" I bit my lower lip expecting my father to firmly shake his head. "I couldn't stop Mother from handing out punishment to my guards or Lissa. Maybe you can? It was all my idea, Baba. Please?"

"Do not fret, dearest." He kissed my forehead and got up. "I will forgive today's incident because I am simply glad nothing happened to any of you. Your guards have been spared too. Pavel simply had them stand still for five hours. As for Lissa, she has to be at your side at all times which I am sure is an easy task for you both." He winked. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow, I am taking you with me for some lessons. Be ready at nine."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

Turns out, I didn't get much rest. I kept tossing and turning all night. I woke up at least twice and swore a pair of eyes watched me from the darkness. After the second time feeling observed, I left the light on but didn't sleep very long after that. I had to be up before dawn to meet Dimitri for our first session. Once I was dressed, I stepped out of my room only to find the hallway deserted which was strange. Lionel was supposed to stand guard and then Grant was going to take over. I was about to go back inside when I heard my name called from the shadows.

"Rose," Dimitri said stepping into the light wearing black attire from head to toe. He had found a tie for his hair again, and I was little saddened at that. I loved his hair down; it looked like silk. "Let's go."

"Where is everyone?" I wondered though I followed him anyway. I wasn't afraid for my life not with him around. I knew he'd keep me safe. I was afraid of how I would act without anyone to hold me back.

"This is everyone." He said simply falling into step next to me. I got the feeling he wanted to avoid me, but since it seemed he was in charge of guarding me, he had to stay close. "I think it's best for us to train without any distractions. Don't worry. I have cleared it with your parents."

"Seriously?" I giggled. "That's impressive. How did you manage that? I have been trying for ages for them to just give me some peace and quiet. You have to teach me your ways, master."

Dimitri said nothing, and I simply cleared my throat feeling embarrassed at my failed attempt to make things go back to the way they used to be. I guessed there was no turning back, so I tried to focus on the task at hand. Dimitri told me how to stretch my muscles to avoid pulling one as we sparred. He had accommodated the rose gardens were we met with thick mats to cushion my fall because I would be the one doing the falling not him. By the time we were done warming up, my muscles were already sore. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through this in one piece.

"Stand like this," Dimitri coached showing me his stance, and he adjusted my body accordingly.

It was still dark out, but I could see him as he stood a breath away from me. Rebellious strands of hair framed his face as he adjusted my torso. His hands were gentle yet firm on my arms, and I could have sworn he lingered as if unwilling to stop touching me. Every time he got close, I felt the air depriving my lungs, and my eyes kept returning to his lips as he shouted instructions. I tried my best to keep up, but my mind wasn't there. I kept thinking of last night when we metaphorically parted ways. He disapproved of my compliance to an arranged marriage, and I couldn't do anything to change that. I thought he would understand. Just the previous day we had talked about sacrifice and duty. Something had changed in him, and he was now sending me mixed signals. He wanted me to fight my duty and listen to my heart.

"Extend your hand out," he instructed claiming my attention. "I'm going to show you how to properly make a fist."

I pushed aside all my conflicting thoughts and focused on the lesson. I truly wanted to learn to defend myself. I hated feeling helpless always waiting to be rescued, and always putting my friends' lives on the line. It was me the witches wanted, and though I wouldn't stand a chance against their magic, I could maybe spare my friends. At first, Dimitri had me practice on a punching bag he held up for me. Then he ditched it telling me it was time to practice on a person. I was nervous thinking I was going to hurt me. I was the one getting hurt. He easily evaded my fists or swatted me away. Dimitri was different as a teacher showing no mercy. It was the greatest feeling in the world. Whenever I fell on my ass, I was just a person. I was just Rose learning some fighting moves. I wasn't the crown princess of Turkey, and he wasn't afraid of knocking me flat on the mat. Though he had been serious throughout our lesson, by the time he called it over, his shoulders were less stiff and his lips fought a smile.

Sunshine was erupting through the clouds as I sat on the grass trying to catch my breath, which was certainly impossible as I watched Dimitri work on picking up the mats from our session. He had his back to me, and I felt my mouth salivate a little watching his muscles ripple under his skin with each movement. Slowly, I stood up and ran straight at him hoping to catch him off guard.

"What was that?" He asked pinning me to the ground.

"I had you," I pouted struggling to breathe even more than before. He was an inch away from me. His hair, loose from the workout, stuck to his sweat covered face, and his lips could no longer fight the smile. It was like seeing the sun for the first time on his wide smile. He had perfect white teeth, and I noticed dimples forming in the corners of his mouth. God, he was so beautiful, and I felt tears stinging my eyes unable to tell him so.

"Not likely," he chuckled. "You're not there yet, Roza."

I felt my whole body turn to jelly when he said my name with his Russian accent thicker than before. And just like that the world stopped spinning. There was only him and his hands wrapped around my wrist as he pinned me to the ground. There was only his body pressed to mine though he kept his weight off of me. There were only his eyes roaming over my face seeming to linger longer on my lips, which I subconsciously licked. Oh, how I wished he would stop torturing me and close the remaining distance between us and claim my lips. But the control he constantly fought for won over, and he cleared his throat shattering the moment like glass.

"That was very clever though," he said standing up and extending his hand out to me. "Good practice for both of us."

"Thanks," I let go of his hand as soon as I was up unable to trust my feelings any longer. If he wasn't going to make a move, I might. I was the rebellious one. But I was also the one supposed to be growing up. I was supposed to stop being selfish. If I made a move, what did I expect him to do? Did I expect him to proclaim love for me? How would that work? He was a Russian ambassador set to leave after my birthday party. Was I truly selfish enough to beg him to stay with me as my secret lover? If he agreed, which I doubted considering how much he respected my father, I would be robbing him of a normal life just as I was doing to Adrian. Distance between us was necessary. As much I liked him and as much as I wanted to be near him, I had to accept the distance he tried to put between us. It was for the best.

"We have to keep practicing," Dimitri said unaware of my mood change as we made our way back to the palace. "We have to take advantage of every moment we have to…"

"How did you convince my parents to do this?" I interrupted. "My mother knew about my lessons with Mason and Eddie and approved, but why would they ask you to teach me? Mason and Eddie could do it just as well."

"I think that's a question for your parents, Rose." Dimitri avoided looking at me and continued walking expecting me to follow. I didn't. I was trying to put distance between us not just physically but also emotionally. Adrian's warnings came back to me in that moment ringing loud in my head mostly as an excuse for myself to stop feeling the way I did about him. "The King is the one who asked me to teach you only after I had already offered you."

"How did my father…" I cleared my throat trying to gather my thoughts and push down the knot in my throat. Perhaps I had been wrong about Dimitri, and I should have never trusted him. I had to be cautious around him as Adrian had asked me. "I shouldn't question the King's decision. If he thinks you're the best person to teach me combat then so be it."

"I wouldn't say I'm the best," he said walking back towards me. "I will teach you everything I know though."

"I truly appreciate it," I smiled tightly and began walking. "I have to get ready to meet the King. Thanks for the lesson, and I look forward to the next."

"Of course, Your Highness," Dimitri bowed seeming to catch onto my mood. He stood there frowning as if wondering what went wrong.

As I made my way to my room to change, I wished I could tell him he did nothing wrong. I had. I had, against better judgment, fallen in love with him knowing nothing could ever happen between us. Knowing that if I stayed and pretended my feelings weren't there, I would eventually slip and confess. I couldn't be selfish any longer, so I had to carry this secret with me and hoped that once he went back to Russia, I could forget him and put the memory of his smile, his voice, and all of him in a box deep in my heart never to be opened again.