III

A Bug Named Ted

"Oh, Man! This ain't gonna cut it!" panted Fone Bone, supporting himself with one hand the rocky wall, after having hiked up a steep hill. Since the early morning, after shivering throughout the night in his sleep, with no other option but to keep moving in the direction the map led him, Fone Bone had been climbing and leaping across cliffs and gorges, struggling to keep his balance and use what little strength he had under the hot, desert sun.

He was tired. He was hungry. He was THIRSTY. And still, there was no sign of life, water, or any indication of civilization.

Just an hour ago, he had thought he was back in Boneville. He had seen mirages of lake water and ended by diving in a bed of sand instead. His tongue was still coated and dry with gravel. A couple of others times, he thought he had spotted Smiley and Phoney, and with a dry, cracked voice, Fone Bone had tried calling out to them, but they too disappeared.

Miserable and frustrated, and barely clinging to his sanity, Fone Bone just kept moving forward. He was really starting to miss Smiley's misguided positivity, and even Phoney's self-righteous complaining. They may be able to drive him insane, but they were his brothers, for all intents and purposes. They had never been apart for very long. They always looked out for each other.

If he was suffering now, he couldn't imagine how they were doing? (Although he would pay to see Phoney suffering just a tad more in his absence, the mad part of him thought)

With the map still in hand, he tried to peer through the sweat stinging his eyes to review the contents. "I actually thought this map would take me through th' mountains ti this waterfall on here…"

Then he frowned, blinking as he remembered.

"...but of course if this thing were real, I would've come to th' pass by now! ERRRR!" He growled, more tired and frustrated than ever. He was caught between the urges to hit himself or throw the map on the ground where he can stomp his tired, aching feet for good measure.

"I'm so stupid! I bet this map was just one of Smiley's pranks––and I fell for it!" He slumped and just kept wandering hopelessly forward. "And to top to top it off, I haven't seen any more cigar butts all day…How do I get myself caught into these things? Oh well..."

Sighing, Fone Bone rolled up the map and stuffed in his bag. "I'll find those guys sooner or later…if I don't die of thirst…Until then––" He clenched his fists with a newfound determination as he stomped further up the hill, "––I just gotta KEEP MOVING FOR––"

He halted in his tracks. His fists unclenched, mouth dropped open.

"Oh."

Displayed in front of himself was a wide green landscape full of trees and rivers. Somewhere far on the left, a huge waterfall poured over a mountain cluff, while straight ahead, a crown of other mountain peaks loomed over the horizon, stretching further to the right from either side of the valley. From his high perch, everything could be seen.

He blinked once. He blinked twice, in case he was seeing mirages.

Even the scent in the air went from the dry and humid earthy terrain of the desert to a clean and slightly damp forest scent of grass and pine.

Distinctly more like Boneville.

"Cool," Fone Bone brightened, his frustrations long forgotten, "I made it!"

...

"That stupid map was right!" exclaimed Fone Bone as he slid down the slippery cliff with ease. He giddily tossed his bag ahead of him, hearing it land with a crunchy plunk on the leafy ground below him. "Yessiree, Bob! There's water on th' menu tonight!" He hung his feet over the edge before turning. "I could kiss Smiley Bone for finding that map!"

He let himself fall and land on his feet next to the awaiting travel pack. "I might even kiss Phoney," he said giddily, "right before I strangle him, that is!" He spotted a tiny, familiar object in the grass and exclaimed excitedly, "And LOOK!" Running forward. "Another one of Smiley's cigar's stubs!"

It meant that Smiley had already reached the Valley. And if Smiley reached the Valley, then chances were that Phoney found his way here, too, if they hadn't done so together. Those two cousins of his were different as cheese and chocolate, but they had their own ways of getting around without Fone Bone's help, that he knew for sure.

"HEY! WATCH IT!" Fone Bone froze mid-step and his eyes immediately followed downward toward the loud voice near his hovering foot…from a teeny, tiny clover-sized leaf? "You almost stepped on me!"

"Whoops!" Stepping back, Fone Bone hands hovered apologetically, blinking bemusedly at the talking leaf with a high-pitched squeaky voice with a shrill of a bumblebee. "Hello! What are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Ted!" announced the leaf. "I'm a bug!"

Fone Bone slowly let his arms fall. "You look more like a leaf!"

"A leaf?!" exclaimed the so-called reference with outraged indignation. The bug named Ted hopped in anger. "That's an insult! Where's my big brother? BIG BROTHER!"

Fone Bone held up his hands apologetically a second time, but with more amusement than before. "Hey, hold on! I didn't mean any harm! Besides, what could your big brother do to me?"

"Is you pickin' on Ted?" spoke a low, gruff voice.

"Whoa!" Fone Bone almost fell back in shock when a huge (and I mean huge) leaf-shaped bug with a bulky demeanor as intimidating as his large, lidless glare towered over him, appearing so suddenly that his weight didn't match his size. Even his voice sounded bulky (however verbally challenged), sending a tiny shiver through the unnerved Bone.

Of all the things that Fone Bone didn't expect this tiny leaf-bug's older brother to be, it certainly wasn't this.

"I––" Fone Bone struggled to find his words, "I just said he looks like a leaf…"

"What are you?" the giant leaf bug leaned further in threateningly, causing the Bone to flinch down. "A trouble-maker? We don't need your kind in our valley!"

Fone Bone gulped. Surely this bug wouldn't beat him up? He wasn't a fighter! This was all just a misunderstanding! He was tired, and thirsty, and just barely dragged himself out of a desert alive! He gave a pleading look down at Ted, who was observing the situation.

"Well," Ted spoke thoughtfully, "I guess he didn't mean no harm, big brother! You don't has to hit him if you don't want!"

The giant bug leaned even further with a glare.

"Listentohim! LISTENTOHIM!" Fone Bone practically squealed in panic, shutting his eyes and holding up his hand in defense as he half-prepared for the first strike.

Fortunately it never came.

"Well, okay, Ted," said the big leaf-bug, straightening up as he dropped the scary look, "if you say so…"

"I'm not tryin' to cause any trouble!" Opening his eyes, Fone Bone quickly spoke to defend himself, before there were any further misunderstandings. "I'm just looking for my cousins! We got separated, an' now I'm lost! You wouldn't happened to know how to get to Boneville from here, would ya?"

"Boneville?" spoke Ted's big brother slowly. "Never heard of it…" Then he leaned again that dead-panned intimidating look that made the Bone feel as small as before. "But you better find it––fast! It's Autmun now, an' winter strikes quick in these parts…an' when it does, nobody, an' I mean nobody, can get through those mountains…" He leaned closer, eyes widening dramatically, "…in or out!"

"Oh…Right," said Fone Bone, mouth feeling dry.

"So I seggest yous make yer visit here a short one, or you'lls be stuck fer the winter." He felt an insect-like finger poke him in the chest. "An' I don't think you wanna do that!"

"N-No. D-Definitely not."

"Good." The giant bug backed up and turned to leave…and Fone Bone was even more surprised to noticed how narrow and flat the guy actually was! Like, what?

"I'll let ya go for now. Since Ted here seems to like ya okay…but don't yo ferget! NO DAWDLIN'!" he boomed.

Fone Bone was proud to note that he didn't flinch this time. "Thank you for not hitting me," he said instead, as Ted's big brother stalked off. The latter was surprisingly soundless when he walked away and disappeared through the trees, looking even more unnoticeable with his narrow end in sight.

"Don't worry 'bout him," spoke Ted near Fone Bone's feet. "He's actually a real nice guy! Well…" He turned to hop down the road, "now we gotta figger out out what ta do with ya…say! I know! I'll take ya to see Thorn! C'mon! What's yer name, mister?"

Figuring that Ted was helping him after all, Fone Bone followed the hopping insect. "Fone Bone," he answered, before asking, "So who's this Thorn?" What an odd name. "He's not another big bug, is he?" he inquired worriedly. He has had his fill of giant scary insects for one day, thank you very much!

Ted laughed, sounding strangely thunderous with his tiny voice as he hopped. "Ho, ho, HO! NO! Thorn knows jes' about everythin' in th' whole world!" Then he grew serious. "But listen, Bone! Big Brother was right about winter! She hits fast! 'N' if you wants ta git home, you gotta do it before she snows!"

"Don't worry!" Fone Bone followed the hopping leaf bug down the trail, briefly looking over his shoulder. "I'm just gonna find my cousins...an' then I'm outta here!"