Something in his being made a bad feeling spread inside Olivia, and cold shivers ran down her spine.
"You don't need to ask Elliot about the gun, it's been found. And it has his fingerprints on it."
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"On the charge of the murder of Julia Yellowstone, we find the defendant, Elliot Stabler, guilty."
The grand jury's words were echoing in Olivia's ears as she walked towards the front door of the courthouse. Her mind was numb, her legs were automatically moving her forward, and she didn't register anything that was happening around her.
"I promise I'll get you out."
She had made a promise to her partner. A promise that had come from the bottom of her heart, and that she had felt in her every cell. But the further her feet were taking her from the courtroom, the stronger the feeling began to grow that the promise was actually a wish.
Because the difference between a promise and a wish is that there is no certainty that the wish will come true. A wish is an optimistic point of view, the best possible option in a situation where there are countless different scenarios. A wish decides to ignore all the uncertainties that the situation contains, it decides to believe in good, to believe that good will overcome evil.
And there were a lot of them in this situation. There were so many of them that Olivia didn't even want to think about the big picture. They had worked almost non-stop for an entire week, cooperated with another unit, used every possible resource, and yet they had failed. The only evidence supporting Elliot's innocence was the feeling that something was fishy about the surveillance video. There was zero concrete evidence.
"Liv!"
The exclamation startled Olivia, and she quickly turned around. Behind her she saw her captain hurrying towards her, Fin and Munch following him. Elliot's judgment had made her forget also her colleagues who had been sitting next to her.
"Hey," said Cragen, who was the first to reach her, and he lightly touched her arm, making her flinch again. The touch felt like his hand had burned her, and she took a step back. Pain flashed in Cragen's eyes as he lowered his hand. "How are you?"
Tears suddenly began to burn in Olivia's eyes, so she turned her head away. Her voice was stifled as she answered quietly:
"I'm fine."
"Like hell you are," Fin stated while crossing his arms. "I don't…"
Olivia quickly wiped her eyes. "Seriously, I'm fine. I just…"
"No, Olivia. You're not," Cragen's firm voice interrupted her, and she forced her gaze back to her captain. "You are not fine, and it's okay. I'd actually be worried if you were fine after all this. Take a couple of days off, sleep, eat…" He emphasized and gave her a significant glance. "… Let your thoughts breathe. I have asked Huang to talk to you in the next few days, but the most important thing now is that you go home and rest. We…"
"No!" Olivia exclaimed so suddenly that it made the others flinch. "I can't go home to "rest" when my partner is innocent in prison!" Then she lowered her voice, bit her lip and continued: "Have you thought how dangerous it is for him to be there? He is a cop who has sent countless criminals there. Rikers is dangerous enough anyway, and when the inmates find out, he… They…" Her voice broke, and tears began to roll down her cheeks as she leaned against the nearest wall and sat down. Cragen, Fin, and Munch exchanged serious glances, and then Fin took a cautious step closer to Olivia and crouched down next to her.
"Liv," he said quietly, without touching her, because he didn't want to trigger her any more. "You're right, Rikers is dangerous, but you know Elliot. He's a tough ass guy who knows how to hold his own."
"That's what I'm worried about," Olivia answered. "Either he will be beaten to death, or he will do something irreversible. I... I need to tell his kids."
The announcement was so surprising that Fin could just blink as Olivia got up and wiped her face with her sleeve.
"They don't know?"
She shook her head. "No, Kathy didn't... Kathy didn't want the kids to worry for no reason. I have to go tell them, and then I have to go and continue working. It was my fault that Elliot had to leave to save me instead of getting Julia's case handled properly. And if his kids will lose their father, I can never forgive myself, and I…"
"Olivia, stop!" Cragen had stepped in front of her, stopping her from rushing out the door. "Now, you have to listen to me. Take a deep breath," he looked her straight in the eyes, and only then did Olivia notice that her breathing had become shallow, and her whole body had begun to tremble. "Good. Now, you can go tell Elliot's kids, but you won't come to work. No," he raised his hand to indicate that he wasn't going to listen to any objections. "You can come to work tomorrow at the earliest. You need to sleep. And this is not a request, this is an order."
"I'll go with her," Fin announced, and Olivia turned to look at him, frowning.
"Why? I can take care of myself, thank you very much..."
"I know you can," Fin answered. "But you are still in witness protection, and in this state of mind, you don't go anywhere without backup."
Cragen nodded. "Fin is right. You won't be able to help your partner if Mr. Reed or his henchmen find you first."
"I…" Olivia started, but when she saw the unflappable expressions of all three men, she snorted and shrugged. "Fine."
But just as they started walking, Cragen's voice stopped them:
"Benson!"
Olivia and Fin turned almost at the same time to look questioningly at their captain, who had a soft, almost sad look on his face.
"Don't lose your hope. Because Elliot needs you now more than ever."
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Long shadows were dancing on the walls as Olivia was laying in her apartment at night. She was dead tired, and her whole body was begging for rest, but her mind refused to calm down despite her efforts.
She was thinking of Elliot's children. Children, who had heard about their father's arrest only today for the first time. Children, whose father was a cop, and who was now in prison on suspicion of murder. The looks of disbelief and fear still haunted her mind, and Kathleen's voice could still be heard echoing off the walls of her bedroom:
"Why? Is he guilty? Did he really kill that woman?"
"Of course not, sweetheart. I was there, and I know he didn't do it."
"So why is he in prison then? Why didn't you help him? Why did you let him end up in there? I thought you were partners, and that you were supposed to help each other!"
Elliot's second oldest child's words had cut like a knife through Olivia's heart, and she had had no chance to explain when Kathleen had rushed to her room. In the car, Fin had tried to comfort her, to be supportive, but his words had felt like platitudes, things that are said just because they have to.
"It wasn't your fault. You tried, and you keep trying."
But deep down, Olivia knew that Kathleen had been right. She had spoken the words that had been haunting her ever since Tucker had come to pick Elliot up from the hospital.
You tried. But did you try hard enough?
It's your fault he ended up in there.
You are the one who betrayed him.
He trusted you, and now you see where it led.
Now his life is in danger.
The one you love the most in the whole world.
Tears clouded Olivia's eyes, and she squeezed them shut. The mere thought of Elliot lying in his gloomy prison cell surrounded by people who hated him, made the cry grow inside her like an erupting volcano, and she rolled onto her side, clutching the blanket tighter around her. If something happened to Elliot, she didn't know what she would do.
It would probably destroy her.
And dwelling on this thought, she fell unconsciously into a restless sleep.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"NO!"
Olivia woke up to her own scream and jumped to sit up in her bed. Her nightgown was damp with sweat, her heart felt like it was going to explode in her chest, and when she glanced at the clock, she realized she had only slept for a couple of hours. She hugged her knees to her chest and pressed her forehead to her knees, trying to banish the nightmare from her retinas.
Elliot lying dead on the ground.
Mr. Reed approaching her, his eyes glowing greedily.
However, a knock at the door made her startle violently, and instinctively she glanced at the clock again. 3:05 am. Her already calming heart began pounding in her chest again, and slowly she dug her gun out of the nightstand drawer. She didn't usually keep it there, but at this moment she was very grateful to herself that she had changed its place.
Quietly, she tiptoed to the door and placed herself against the wall, hands shaking, ready to act as the situation demanded. It could just be the police guard outside her apartment, who wanted to come and check on the situation, it could be Fin, or…
"Who is it?" She exclaimed and raised her weapon. However, there was no answer. "Who is it?" She repeated louder, but it was dead silent outside the door. Swallowing, she moved to the front of the door and peeked through the peephole, but to her surprise she saw no one.
Olivia first took a deep breath, then opened the security lock and opened the door. There was no one outside the door, but just as she was about to close the door, her eyes fell on the flowers on the ground. After hesitating a moment, she picked up the flowers, looked around once more, and then closed the door. After carefully locking it, she moved into the kitchen, and when she noticed a card among the beautiful roses, she picked it up and placed the flowers on the table. Then she turned on the lights, turned the card over to read its text, but then she froze in place, the blood drained from her face, and her heart felt stopping.
"Good evening, Detective. I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me.
Love from a secret admirer.
Ps. Do you know when the prey is easiest to kill? When it can't escape.
xoxo"