Chapter Ten: Broken
Rose
I grew up amongst snakes. Not just the ones from my family crest. Real cunning creatures that would stop at nothing to get what they wanted masquerading as the Council whose duty was to advise the King in all matters for the benefit of the people. I knew about politics, etiquette, and protocol, and I could play their game if I wanted to, and I was very good at it all, too. I had learned by watching the best. I could go through dinner with my best face on, and my charms fully turned on. So why did I feel like throwing up? Why did I feel like a scream would tear from my lips if I opened my mouth to speak? I had never felt betrayal at least not like this. My parents kept the engagement from me, and I felt betrayed, but had they truly betrayed me? I knew all along what my future held. I knew my husband would be picked for me, and my destiny was already written down. There was no betrayal there was only acceptance, so I did. I accepted Adrian's gift because it was the polite thing to do. It was what lovers did, give gifts to each other.
I could accept jewelry from him. God only knew how many times Adrian gave me jewels. It was what his family was known for. The Ivashkovs had emeralds, diamonds, and rubies in abundance. That was how our families became close. The Ivashkovs mined the jewels on the crown of the very first Mazur King. That was the first deal struck between our families. What I couldn't accept was the gift of betrayal Adrian brought. Adrian would never hurt me, but I could no longer say the same about Dimitri Belikov. His entire life had been a lie. Everything about him was fake. The pride in his voice when I said something wise, the empathy in his eyes when he heard I felt trapped, the attraction between us gaining momentum like a forest fire and even his heroism was all a lie. Dimitri was a thief and a liar, for he stole my every waking moment with thoughts of him only to have lied about his identity. He was a true master of deceit, and I had been a complete fool for falling for it all. The signs had been there, but I refused to see it. I refused to see past his exotic accent that made my knees weak, and his eyes that saw right through me. I had let him in and gave him all the ammunition he needed to end my family and me. Well, it was time to return the favor tenfold. No one would make a fool of me or my family. We weren't just known for our cunningness; we were venomous and deadly.
"This goes without saying, Rose," Adrian said as he helped me sit down after delivering the news. "You must stay away from him."
"No," I said firmly fighting back tears and taking in the air too fast as if oxygen would suddenly run out completely and I would die.
"Rose," Mason approached me handing me a handkerchief. I hadn't even realized when the treacherous tear ran down my cheek. Even my own body betrayed me. My heart wanted not to believe Dimitri had lied. It wanted to believe he was good. "Adrian is right. Dimitri is dangerous. I told…"
"This is not the time for an 'I told you so,' Mase," I sat up ignoring his handkerchief and wiping the tear angrily with the back of my hand. "This is the time to plan. I will not stay away from him. He can't know that we know his true identity. We must lure him in deeper."
"What does that entail exactly?" Adrian scoffed stuffing his hands in his pockets avoiding my eyes. "Are you going to make him fall in love with you?"
"Not a bad idea," I said as the wheels in my mind turned. "What would the King do if Dimitri was inappropriate with me? He would execute him on the spot."
"That is risky. It's how you start a war," Mason added with a sigh. "As much I would like to execute him, Russia would not take kindly to one of their agent's being killed especially during their pretense of a 'diplomatic visit.' The world will see us as a threat."
"Worst of all, you are putting your reputation on the line."Adrian shook his head fervently and reached out for me.
"Damn my reputation! Either way, it's at risk." I moved away from him and paced. "If he makes a fool of me by earning my trust then selling our secrets to his government, not only would my reputation be damaged but my entire family would be at risk. He knows how fragile our rule is, and if other countries know, we could all expect an invasion. One way or another, war will come to our doorstep. The witches could take advantage of this, too; they will know it's time to strike when the Council is so divided, and the King has no real guidance. There's more at risk than my fucking reputation, Adrian."
No one said a thing as they shared a concerned look. I had never spoken like this. There had been no reason to feel this way. I had been aloof when it came to the monarchy. I had been so caught up with feeling trapped that I ignored the dangers all around me. My grandfather had tried to get me to grow up, and I had been a spoiled brat wanting to climb trees and play with mud. That child was gone; Dimitri, my parents, and my grandfather had made sure of it. No matter what, I would defend my family and my people with my teeth if I had to.
"Rose," Adrian approached me once again placing his hands on each side of my face. "We need to be smarter than this. We could bring this evidence to the King, and he will make Dimitri and his companion disappear. There's no need for all this."
"No," I sighed. "There's no other way. We don't have enough proof. All we have is what your friends have told you. Father will not listen to hearsay."
"The King is known for his thirst for blood and revenge," Mason interjected. "With all due respect to His Majesty and you, but he might very well listen especially when the information will be coming from you, Rose."
"But it's not," I groaned. "We need proof. If we plan to uncover his lies in front of my father, I need to get Dimitri to confess on his own to me. Father will not doubt if I tell him I heard the truth from Dimitri's lips. No offense, Adrian, but the King would believe me first instead of you."
"No offense taken," Adrian stepped back almost pouting like a child and pulled a cigarette out. "It's not like I haven't grown up with you and have no reason to lie when it comes to your life but fine. Do what you must." He exhaled smoke. "But be very careful, Little Princess. I do believe you owe me back rubs for the rest of our married life, and I cannot cash in if you're dead."
"Then what is the plan," Mason rolled his eyes and moved me further away from Adrian and his clouds of smoke. "What are we going to do?"
"We are going to play his game," I said through my teeth. "Until I find the right moment to extract a confession from him. Just follow my lead."
Adrian, Mason, and Eddie didn't look too satisfied with my plan, but I was in charge. It was my prerogative to exact my revenge any way I wanted, for I had been the one wronged. I had placed my trust in the wrong person, yes, but my family had welcomed Dimitri with open arms, and he was here to harm us. A part of me wondered if perhaps his mission was much nobler, but that part was quickly silenced by the erratic beating of my heart every time I thought of him and the way he was hurting me. Every second away from him and the truth was slowly killing me. I wasn't going to give him a reason to defend himself. I was going in for the kill.
"I don't like this," Adrian said as he stretched out on my bed watching me stand in front of the mirror inspecting my outfit. I wasn't looking at the color, the fabric, or the way it clung to my waist. I was far away.
"That is too bad," I sighed as I slipped on the heels. "This is the plan we agreed on."
"No," he stood up and met me in front of the mirror. He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "That is the plan you agreed on. I know you, Little Princess. You are as stubborn as they come, and I have absolutely no power over you. I cannot change your mind; all I can do is be there for you." He stepped back and spun me around. "But I was not referring to that. I was referring to this outfit. It's missing something."
Adrian tapped his chin as if deep in thought, but I could see the amusement in his eyes. He had a plan up his sleeve or in his jacket pocket as it turned out. He pulled out a navy blue box with a white ribbon and, without preamble, handed it to me. I clicked my tongue in disapproval. He had already given me a birthday gift and this was simply excessive. However, when I opened the box, my breath caught in my throat.
"A pre-engagement gift," Adrian said taking the necklace from the box. "This comes in a set, but I'm still modifying the ring, so I brought this one for now. I hope you like it." He stood behind helping me clasp the necklace around my neck.
"I love it," I cleared my throat from the emotion threatening to choke me. I was rather happy Adrian would be my companion, better than some stranger I had imagined, and while I had accepted our fate, I felt saddened still. I felt for him because I knew his heart wasn't in this marriage, but he would do what needed to be done. For his family, for duty, and our friendship. "Thank you, Adrian."
"You're welcome," he stepped back and nodded. "Much better. I will leave you to finish readying yourself."
Adrian had kissed my hand and retired as Mia walked in with two other girls to help with my hair and makeup. All three of them gushed and marveled at the brand new jewelry resting on my collarbone. I couldn't deny the necklace was gorgeous emerald teardrops with diamond halos on a gold chain. The emerald itself wasn't heavy despite its size, but the emotional weight was overbearing. Adrian said the ring was coming, and the necklace just reminded me of the cross we would carry together as husband and wife. A whole country would depend on us. Children would be expected soon, and I wasn't ready for all of that even though I knew I had more time. Our engagement would be long, for I was only eighteen, and he nineteen. There was much for us to learn, but the ring would seal the deal. With it, we would go public and our people would have time to come to love their future queen and king. I inhaled deeply and pushed those thoughts aside for now. There was something far more urgent than the inevitable nuptials. There was Dimitri Belikov to take care of.
Once I was ready, I met my mother and father in the foyer. Mother didn't look so good even in her beautiful gown and glittering jewels. There was a lack of color on her skin, and though she held gently onto my father, I knew she was drawing strength from him. The Queen couldn't be absent from dinner, not again. We had many important guests. I drew strength from her determination, and I knew I could face the spy. I would have to. I wouldn't think of Dimitri's smile that lit up a room, or his words full of faith in me that made me stronger and got me through the day. I would play his game, but I wouldn't fall deeper into the pit of his brown eyes.
"You look incredible, but you're not supposed to look as green as the emerald," Adrian whispered as he joined us at the entrance. He smelled of alcohol and cigarettes, and upon seeing my disapproval, he rolled his eyes. "I needed it, okay? I'm feeling as green as you look. I hate the thought of you in danger."
"I'm not," I whispered back and straightened his jacket to have an excuse to be so close to him so no one would hear our conversation. "I always have Mason and Eddie near me, remember?" I pointed behind me where Mason and Eddie dressed in their black uniforms stood at a distance always alert. "Besides, I'll be careful."
"You also have me," he offered his arm. "We might as well make a grand entrance."
I was about to reject him when my mother caught a glimpse of us and smiled proudly. She gave us a nod of approval, and my father, well, he simply rolled his eyes. That was as much approval as he would give. Entering the room, the conversation that had flowed ceased immediately as my parents entered the room commanding all attention to be on them. All eyes were on us as our guests bowed and curtsied. Instinctively, I searched the room for the man who, without knowing, had shattered my heart. Dimitri stood looking dashing as always. He wore a black tuxedo that seemed too small on him, in a good way as it accentuated his prominent figure, and his hair was neatly pushed back in a ponytail. Next to him was Natalie Dashkov. She stood close to him and that emotion from earlier came back hitting me hard, and if not for Adrian, I might have stumbled. Somehow my feelings were stronger than before. I felt everything deep in my chest, and the air thinned around me as jealousy, hatred, anger, pain, love, and sorrow swirled inside me making my eyes sting. Our eyes locked then. I saw nothing on Dimitri's face like he somehow learned how to hide any emotion from me in the past few hours. I hoped I could do the same. It was already an effort to push all the emotions deep inside. Instead of glaring, instead of shouting profanities and showing Dimitri my pain, I smiled as politely as I could and gripped Adrian's arm tightly. Adrian looked over to me then and simply smiled encouragingly and empathetically.
Around us, people moved towards their seats with the servants' guidance. My parents sat at the head of the table on opposite sides. They always remained close to each other, and I assumed with my mother's illness, my father wouldn't be able to stay far away from her. However, this seemed to have turned into a formal dinner. I sat to my father's right with Adrian next to me, and, to my misfortune, Dimitri sat on my father's left and directly across from me. Fate had a sick sense of humor, and Destiny loved rubbing in my face how painful the night would be.
No one noticed, however, the discomfort palpable between Dimitri and me. He seemed determined to avoid my eyes and drink as much as possible. Servants were very attentive to keep his glass filled with champagne. Conversation flowed between my parents and our guests, including Dimitri. I had never seen him so chatty usually it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me something about his life. Perhaps it was the champagne making him talk, or it was that he had to make up lies as he went, so it was more difficult to tell me stories of his fake life. I stabbed the salmon with such force causing the fork to clink on my plate louder than usual which resulted in everyone noticing my presence.
"Are you well, dearest?" My father asked with a chuckle as whatever tale Nathan had finished amused him. "The salmon is dead; you do not need to kill it again."
The table chuckled amused at my father's wit, though he wasn't very funny usually. Conversation ceased as all eyes turned to me waiting for an answer. Even Dimitri, who had easily been pretending I didn't exist, peeked at me as he finished his four-hundredth glass of champagne. In that brief moment our eyes met, I caught my breath always surprised at how easily he stole the air in the room with eyes so warm. I wanted, in that brief moment that our eyes met, to believe he wasn't here to hurt me, or my family. I wanted so badly to believe he was a friend if nothing more. I almost prayed for a miracle that would deny all the proof that Dimitri hadn't been honest the whole time. The evidence was there, and it was undeniable. The first day, he decimated my guards with ease as if they were mere flies. Mason, Eddie, and Grant had been trained extensively by Pavel for years. How could a diplomat easily dispose of my closest guardians? And the story that Dimitri learned to fight because he wanted to protect his family? I believed it, but there was no way someone who was supposed to be average, who was supposed to never have seen battle, could be so deadly. The way his eyes calculated the room and the people as if searching for threats was something I saw Mason do all the time. Whether I wanted to believe it or not, I had to accept the truth.
"I am just anxious, Your Majesty," I responded sheepishly trying hard to look as innocent as possible as I said my next words. "I just cannot wait to work with Mr. Belikov. His wisdom will be greatly appreciated as I take on this task for Your Majesty."
"Indeed," my father nodded and turned to Dimitri. "Have you and my daughter started?"
"No, Your Majesty," Dimitri cleared his throat. "I meant to speak to you earlier about this, but it can wait. This is no time for politics."
"Oh, no, Mr. Belikov," I leaned forward as if interested in what he had to say. "There is always time for politics. There is always time for us to work on our friendship."
"Agreed," Lady Tatiana joined from next to Adrian. "Please do tell His Majesty what you told me earlier, Mr. Belikov."
I hated putting him on the spot, but not as much as I hated his lies and the way he broke my faith in him. If Dimitri was uncomfortable, he did not show it as he spoke.
"I wanted to say how excited and honored I am to be working with the princess. This is a historic moment." He met my eyes, and I could have melted like candle wax under the intensity of his eyes. "This is the rise of a benevolent, wise, and just Queen. Here is to the Crown Princess." He raised his glass in my honor as all followed him.
My parents cheered and smiled proudly as I finally turned into the daughter they always wanted. I tried not to glare at Dimitri for sounding so sincere even though I knew better. He was a magnificent liar, and I knew I couldn't beat him at his own game.
"Yes, such a historic moment," Lady Tatiana set down her glass and smiled slyly. "Her Highness will certainly carry us into the future. She will carry us through changing times with dignity and strength. I know for certain with my nephew, Adrian, at her side, we can expect greatness. Here is to two powerful bloodlines finally joining together."
"Hear, hear!" Nathan shouted standing up. "To the lovely couple!"
I turned to Adrian and was surprised to find him smiling genuinely happy. As if the arranged marriage we dreaded was suddenly good news. As if he had wanted this all along. I was utterly alone in my feeling of despair at being trapped in a marriage I didn't want and wasn't ready for. I was still a child with dreams. Then, I remembered who I was. I had no right to dream of wings. I was predestined to rule a country with a man selected by my parents and approved by the Council. I thought Adrian would be my companion in the despair both of us fumbling together figuring out how to live together and love each other as best as we could. Seeing his smile, I wondered if he was simply better at hiding the pain than I was, or had he been in on the conspiracy the whole time. Was he as power-hungry as his aunt? No, I couldn't believe it. Adrian wouldn't betray me so, but it had been proven what a terrible judge of character I was. The proof of that was sitting in front of me.
I turned to him as glasses clinked together in celebration and cheers rang through the room. Dimitri's smile had faded, and he made no effort to hide his displeasure. This was the reason I was so quick to trust him. There was a connection there so undeniable, so palpable that he felt my despair. If he wanted to hurt me, why would he feel my pain? More importantly, why would he even care? He had told me to speak to my father about changing the law that forced me to marry to carry the crown while men were spared. He wanted to undermine your rule, a nasty voice said in my head. He wants the crown and not you. He never wanted you.
I almost got up and ran from the room as chatter continued about the coming nuptials with Adrian joining in talking excitedly about the exquisite ring he was working on. Lady Tatiana chimed in agreeing that the ring would look beautiful on my finger as she had seen the initial designs. Lady Daniella added Lord Damon Tarus, her cousin, was the designer, and he knew what would work best. The color returned to my mother's cheeks as she and Natalie talked designers for the dress. Nathan, Viktor and even my father, who wasn't Adrian's number one fan, talked about the guest list. They had some friends overseas that would be good allies for us. I felt the room closing in on me, and I looked around me as conversation flowed together I almost couldn't understand the words. All I saw was the room spinning and blurring together. Lissa's eyes met mine, and I saw the worry in them. She was the only one, besides Dimitri, who knew exactly how I felt. Just as I started to get up, Adrian gripped my hand.
"Look, entertainment has arrived," Adrian pointed with his free hand at the musicians and singer entering the room. Everyone clapped and quickly forgot about the conversation and the food. Our guests rose to their feet and joined the music as they partnered up to dance to the first piece which was a soft melody accompanied by words of a hopeful future filled with love. "May I have this dance, Your Highness?"
"I think I need some air," I said a little breathlessly. I did need air, but I also needed to be alone, truly alone.
"Just one dance," Adrian insisted meeting my eyes as if trying to send a secret message. "Please."
I didn't say yes but didn't say no either. I allowed him to take my hand and lead me onto the dance floor. Adrian wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer, and as we twirled, he pressed his forehead to mine. I heard a few sounds of awe as we moved pressed together like two lovebirds in their world. I almost stepped back uncomfortable when I finally understood why Adrian was doing this.
"Your Russian is watching," he whispered close, so I could be the only one to hear. "This is still your plan, right? Get him to fall insanely, though I would say he's closer than we think, in love with you."
"That's why you're doing this?" I closed my eyes almost relieved that Adrian would be miserable with me as we took on this life together. Then I felt bad for wishing such misery on him. Adrian deserved the world, and I could only give him a country.
"I do this for you," he said pressing a kiss to my forehead then spun me around. "I told you I don't agree with this, but all I can do is be there for you."
"Thank you, Adrian," I rested my head on his chest as the song slowly concluded.
When it was over, people erupted in applause, and we moved apart only to see all eyes on us. I blushed a little as my parents had witnessed the fake display Adrian and I had put on. They didn't seem to catch it was all fake, no one did, as everyone smiled. All except Dimitri, who was now drinking Lion's Milk as if it was water. Natalie sat next to him chatting away. I felt the familiar sting of the green monster as she placed her hand on his forearm. He didn't push her away but did ignore her. Natalie wouldn't give up any time soon. Lissa and I knew her obsession with Ralf Sarcozy though it looked like she had found someone else to infatuate with. The music began again, and everyone around us returned to dancing. I whispered to Adrian what I needed from him and though he was reluctant, he agreed.
With my hand in his, we approached Natalie and Dimitri. They remained at the table even as the servants began to clear the empty plates and leftover food.
"I can teach you how," Natalie was saying as Adrian and I neared. "Just one dance."
"I would love to dance," Adrian said cheerfully bowing ceremoniously to me. "If you will allow me to, Your Highness?"
"Of course," I smiled and turned to Natalie. "Why don't you dance with Adrian? Perhaps Mr. Belikov will be readier afterward."
"Okay," Natalie bounced up from her seat and took Adrian's hand. She glanced back once at Dimitri before turning her attention to Adrian as he began to spin her around like a child.
I chuckled as I watched her giggle. "Natalie is a good girl. She is a bit dense but has a heart of gold."
"I am sure," Dimitri cleared his throat as his words slurred a little.
"She probably means no harm, but I suggest you don't encourage her. A young girl like her could easily have her heart broken," I met his eyes. "By the wrong man."
He frowned as if I had spoken a foreign language. "I wouldn't… I'm not…"
"You're not what?" I interrupted feigning innocence. "Are you alright, Mr. Belikov? Perhaps you need some air. Come with me."
I stood up and began to walk. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mason and Eddie moving in the shadows following me. I shook my head slightly and whispered 'alone.' Mason stopped in his tracks and seemed extremely pissed. He signaled with both is hands I had ten minutes then he would come. I didn't respond and kept walking. There was no need for me to look back to know Dimitri was following me. I knew for sure in those ten minutes, Mason and Eddie would make sure we weren't disturbed. I didn't plan on doing this tonight, but Adrian's words about Dimitri being insanely in love with me stirred something inside me. I had to know the truth, not just about his true identity but his feelings. I couldn't take all this tiptoeing around the attraction any longer. It was eating me alive. None of it would make a difference. His feelings for me wouldn't change my destiny or his, and if he confessed to nefarious intentions, those feelings would simply get in the way of exacting my revenge. Perhaps this had been a terrible idea.
I turned around to say so when I collided with him. I had no idea how close he had been following me. Dimitri's arms were around me catching me from the fall as if he was already to catch me, to protect me. Time came to a stop as he held me in his arms. My heart drummed in my ears fast, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as my eyes were leveled with his lips. Dimitri licked his lips, and I could have fainted. His body was so warm; the heat unbearable, and the air almost nonexistent. But I was fine. This was where I wanted to be forever. This tortured embrace was everything with his strong arms wrapped around my waist pressing me against his rock hard body. His scent like pine trees, oranges, and rain. In his arms was where I belonged. We fit together like a glove on a hand or the missing piece of a difficult puzzle.
The moment didn't last long though. It was broken by the reminder that Dimitri was a lie. Everything about him was smoke and mirrors, and I had made a promise to make him pay for breaking my faith in him, for making me care for him only to be stabbed in the back. I pushed him back, or more like nudged him as he didn't budge; he was too strong. Regardless, Dimitri complied with my wish and moved back slowly letting go of me as he made sure I was standing up on my own two feet. I cleared my throat and smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles on my clothing, but I needed time to calm down. I needed time to clear my head from images of his tongue over his lips, and his eyes hauntingly warm that didn't fit the man full of lies and deceit.
"If you follow the corridor straight down, you will come to a balcony," I pointed down the hall. I was no longer brave or sure I could confront him then not after what transpired. "You won't be bothered there."
"Will you not join me?" Dimitri arched an eyebrow. "I was under the impression you had something to say."
"I have nothing to say," I made my move to head back to dinner when he caught my hand.
"Tell me," he whispered as if afraid the walls could hear. "What is on your mind, Rose?"
"Our task," I lied pulling my hand back. This time he didn't let go, and it was futile to try and escape him. A part of me wasn't sure I wanted to; we were standing so close if I moved a few steps to the right, I could be back in his embrace. "His Majesty expects results, and we must get to work as soon as possible. I was going to say we could put our training sessions on hold until we complete our work."
Dimitri chuckled and finally let go. "No. That's not it."
"Excuse me?" I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms. "Well, you seem to know me better than I know myself. You have read my thoughts and know what I was going to say so tell me. I would love to hear what's on my mind."
"And take away your fun and Ivashkov's?" Dimitri laughed. I heard him laugh once before, and this was nothing like that. There was no true amusement; this was cold and bitter. "I saw what you were trying to do."
I scoffed. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Mr. Belikov."
"You don't need to hide, Your Highness," he stepped closer inches away from my face. "It's just the two of us."
"You want to talk about hiding," I shoved him though once again it did nothing. He didn't even stumble. That made me angrier. I could feel under my hands his hard muscles the product of extensive training and exercise. Another obvious tell-tale sign that he wasn't who he said he was. I pushed him again, and I felt the knot in my throat getting bigger. "You hide. You have been hiding this whole time. Everything about you was a lie. I was too naïve to see it."
This time, he frowned faking confusion. Was anything real with him? "What are you talking about?"
"I know who you are," I angrily whispered because I didn't trust my voice not to break. "You thought you could hide forever? You thought you could make a fool out of me? You will not get away with this, Dimitri. Your lies will be uncovered."
"Rose, what are you saying?" He started breathing heavy, and I knew he was finally catching on. There was no way he could keep the pretense much longer.
"Just as you said, it's just you and me," I poked his chest. "There's no need to hide. I know you're not an ambassador. You never have been. You're a fraud. You're a spy here to hurt me and my family."
My voice broke at the end, and I sounded pathetic. I wanted so badly to be strong and show him I was not afraid, and I wanted him to be afraid of me. But I was only a child. I was terrified of my feelings for him that despite knowing what I knew, I couldn't hate him. I was nowhere near close to hatred. Realizing as much, I turned tail and ran. I ran towards the balcony I had offered him and hoped he wouldn't follow, but I knew he would. I stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the ocean with the stars reflected on the waves. I inhaled shakily willing the tears back with all the strength I had left. I wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of watching me cry. Not again. Somehow, I had to be stronger than whatever was happening between us. I clung to one of the pillars for dear life as I didn't trust my legs to keep me up.
"Roza," Dimitri stood next to me placing his hand on top of mine. "I don't know how to even begin…"
"How about from the beginning? Who are you?" I took my hand back and turned around to meet him. I pulled anger from somewhere and glared at him. "Who are you?"
"I'm still me," he sighed rubbing his chin with his right hand. "I just kept some… sordid details about my identity."
"No," I scoffed. "You outright lied. You lied to my father and me. Now, let's try again. Who are you?"
"I'm Dimitri Belikov. I didn't lie about that. I'm no ambassador, you're right. But I'm not a spy either. I'm not here to harm you or your family. I swear. I serve as General in the Russian Army, but I can be anything the czar wants me to be." He ended with a grimace knowing how badly his words sounded almost negating everything he just said.
"Precisely," I thought I would feel triumphant about discovering the truth and hearing it from his lips. Instead, I felt more broken. Whatever little hope I held onto that Adrian might have been wrong was gone.
"My mission was to forge a friendship between our countries. The czar simply wanted someone who could get out of a difficult situation, someone with combat training in case things went south." Dimitri spoke quickly his accent becoming more prominent as he continued. Despite the topic of our conversation, his accent was every bit endearing as the first time I heard it, and I cursed my weakness for him.
"In case things went south?" I repeated through my teeth. "What exactly does that mean?"
"Let's be honest here," Dimitri sighed.
"Yes, let's," I stood up straight and looked into his eyes daring him to lie to me again. "That would be a nice change."
"Your father is not the most peaceful ruler Turkey will have," Dimitri said slowly as if choosing his words carefully. He wasn't succeeding. He was starting to sound like he was ready to overthrow my father. "He thrives in war. I never saw him in action, but I know people who have, and they say he is the best soldier, commander, and killer. Seasoned commanders with years of experience in war fell like trees caught in a tidal wave because of your father. He's fearless and doesn't care who gets hurt as long as he wins."
"It's not a choice; he doesn't want to be like that," I defended my father practically spitting the words at Dimitri. This conversation was doing nothing to ease the pain or anger. "It's what he needs to be. War, as you should know Comrade, is not pretty. Even a child like me understands as much. Turkey needs a strong ruler who will protect us."
"There's a thin line between strong and vicious. We weren't sure where your father stood especially with Russia. The czar thought we should reinforce our friendship to avoid any future disagreement. That's all I'm here to do, Rose."
"The king will know about this," I threatened after seconds of deliberation. "He has to, and I must warn you, he might not take this well, and you'll learn that what you call bloodthirsty is his loyalty to his family and his country."
"The King already knows," Dimitri admitted pulling something from the pocket of his jacket. He stared at the envelope in silence for a few seconds deliberating something before handing it to me. "In the spirit of being honest with you, he found out yesterday and gave me this. You can open it."
I was left speechless and stunned. On the envelope was the mark of the King: a snake coiled around a sword. I was curious about what was inside, but I was afraid of breaking the seal and rendering the letter useless. However, I figured if father knew, he could make Dimitri a new one. I tore into the envelope and pulled out an official letter with the King's handwriting.
"I, King Ibrahim Mazur, being of sound mind hereby grant General Dimitri Belikov and Mr. Christian Ozera full diplomatic immunity. They are free to travel as they please in and out of Turkey under my blessing. I trust Mr. Belikov's good faith, and he shall always be a friend of the Crown. Should any misfortune fall upon Her Majesty, Queen Janine, or myself, General Dimitri Belikov has full responsibility for the well being of Crown Princess Rosemarie Hathaway Mazur for as long as he deems necessary."
I sat down on the ledge of the balcony unable to string words together. I looked up at Dimitri, who was watching me closely.
"I… I don't know what to say," I said quietly folding the letter and putting it back in the envelope. "He knows, and he trusts you. Why?"
"Because I'm not here to hurt you," he knelt in front of me and took my hands in his. His next words were fervent and pleading as if asking me to believe in him again. "I swear to you, Roza. I'll never hurt you. I was supposed to simply show up and reassure His Majesty that Russia is a friend. Things changed after you were attacked. The King and I spoke, and he already knew about me. He allowed me to stay under one condition: to protect you."
I stood up and started to pace as all the conflicting emotions stirred inside me. I was relieved Dimitri wasn't a spy here to harm us. I was terrified hearing him speak so fervently about protecting me making me wonder how far he would go to do so. My heart was ready to burst in my chest at the thought of him risking his life for me too. I couldn't allow him to put his precious life on the line for me. He hardly knew me, and he seemed ready to jump from the balcony if I said so. I knew I couldn't change Dimitri's decision to protect me, just like I couldn't do to Mason. They were adults capable of making their own choices. However, just like Mason, Dimitri had too much to live for. He was giving up a normal life for my sake.
"I don't know what to believe," I whispered. "I want to believe you."
"I know I have betrayed your trust," Dimitri approached me again like he couldn't stand being so far apart. "I cannot ask for your forgiveness; I don't even deserve it. But I want you to know that if you don't believe anything else, you must know and believe this wholeheartedly: I will never harm you. I…" He looked into my eyes and swallowed hard his next words a barely audible whisper. "I love you, Your Highness. Against my better judgment, and in so little time, I have fallen for you." He placed my right hand on his chest where his heart rested. "My heart, my life, and my soul are yours."
Before I could speak, not that I could as I was too stunned hearing him profess his love for me, his lips were on mine. It was a caress more than a kiss, but I felt in flames. I felt like the stars exploded with that simple touch of his soft lips. When he pulled back, our eyes locked and my breath caught in my throat. His eyes were dark and intense something I had never seen before and I knew I would never see again. Dimitri claimed my lips again this time harder as if he needed me to live. His hands held my face gently a contrast to the passion with which his lips claimed me. In his tongue, I tasted sweet champagne and anise. With his skillful tongue dancing with mine, he broke what was left of my resolve. He broke the determination I had of putting distance between us, of making him pay for his lies, of marrying Adrian and forgetting silly dreams of wings and freedom. At that moment, as his right hand found its way to the back of my neck, I felt I could have it all. Love was within reach, love was in my arms, love was giving himself to me completely, and I could have it. All I had to do was say the word and Dimitri would truly stay by my side if I asked him to. He would carve his heart out and split his soul in half all for me.
"No," somehow I turned my head away. I made no move to step out from his embrace. I couldn't. The kiss had left me lightheaded, and if I moved, I would surely fall. Dimitri will catch you. He will always catch you. "That's the problem."
"What is?" He was out of breath too.
"You would give your life for me," I felt the treacherous tears once again trailing down my cheeks without my permission. "I can't allow it. I have more than enough people willing to die for me. People I love."
"Do you?" He wiped my tears with his thumb.
"Do I what?"
"Do you love me?"
"I…" I swallowed hard trying and failing to hide the shaking in my voice. "I can't…"
"I know," he sighed pressing his lips to mine once again gentle and fast. All too soon, it was over. "I'm being selfish. I am asking too much of you, Your Highness. Please, forgive me." He bowed low readying to leave.
"Don't," I pleaded and caught his arm before he turned and walked away from me. "Don't go yet."
"I don't think it's wise," Dimitri turned to smile sadly. "I've had too much to drink, and being near you breaks down my walls, I can't stay or I might do something truly foolish."
"You can't just leave like this," I gripped his arm with both of my hands. "What am I supposed to do with this… What am I supposed to do with your love for me?"
He sighed caressing with his free hand my cheek where tears still spilled. "I shouldn't have said anything, but seeing you with Adrian tonight… I couldn't take it. I agree it's not fair that you must carry this burden now, but I had to tell you otherwise I might go mad. I told you, I'm selfish."
"Me too," I let go of him and stepped back. "I'm selfish, too."
"You can't," he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "You could never be selfish. You're too good. Your soul is pure."
"You don't know me," my voice broke. "How can you love me when you don't even know me?"
"I can't explain it," he frowned. "It's like I have known you all my life. I didn't plan this, Rose. I was supposed to slip in and out of your life without a trace. I wasn't supposed to impact your life in any way, but I feel like I have dreamt of you. I have seen your eyes and heard your voice in my dreams."
"You must stop," my breathing was heavy and my chest felt tight as I held back my feelings. Hearing him so easily and fervently confess made me want to do the same, but I had to let him go. Dimitri couldn't stay and give his life for me. I couldn't stop Mason, and I couldn't spare Adrian, but for God's sake, I was going to try and save Dimitri from me no matter the cost. "You can't say things like that. Ever. I am Princess Rosemarie, and you are a... You're an Army General. A foreign Army General. This didn't happen. You don't love me, and we have to forget this whole night. You and I have to work together for the King, who trusts you. Don't betray his trust, and forget about me."
"If that is what Her Highness wants," Dimitri bowed low slowly. "I live to serve you."
Before I could protest that his servitude was the problem, Dimitri turned and left me alone in the balcony. I pressed my face to the cold pillar and hugged it tightly to hold myself up once more. The night had gone nothing as I imagined. I thought I would get the chance to prove to Dimitri that the Mazurs were strong and a force to be feared. Instead, he left me a mess. I had never felt such happiness yet surrounded by a dark cloud of despair it was impossible to revel in the knowledge that Dimitri loved me. He loved me, and he had kissed me. I touched my lips where I swore I could still feel his, and I blushed as I felt a strange sensation between my legs. I wanted him to kiss me again; I wanted to give him all of me. Those darks clouds reminded me it was impossible. There was too much against us. The waves had come with a million reasons not to be together. I had to stop fighting the current and go with the flow. I had to follow my damn advice and forget him. I couldn't betray Adrian, my family, and my duty. I couldn't subject Dimitri to life in secrecy, hiding our love, and living in fear of the next threat that would come for me only to have him jump in harm's way for my sake.
"Rose?" Mason called my name, and I knew my time was up. Being alone was nice while it lasted.
Before responding, I quickly wiped the remainder of tears from my cheeks and took a deep breath. "I'm here," I responded a bit shakily and hated myself for it. I straightened up and hoped I looked less dazed than I felt.
Mason stepped out onto the balcony with Eddie trailing him. Both of them looked around for Dimitri or any threat before setting their inquisitive eyes on me. Mason looked pissed as he approached me seeing the redness in my eyes.
"Did he harm you?" Mason said through his teeth with his hands on my arms ready to pick me up, put me over his shoulders, and take me to safety. Eddie's hands were on his blades hidden in his belt as if my answer would determine whether Dimitri lived to see another day.
"I'm fine," I patted Mason's arm gently. "We have to find Adrian."
Mason decided I was in no condition to return to the party, not with the way I looked or felt. Instead, he took me to the drawing-room and left Eddie with me as he went to find Adrian. I laid down on a golden divan and hugged the pillow tightly. Suddenly, my eyelids felt heavy like I hadn't slept in days. As I dared close my eyes for a second, I recalled Dimitri and the kiss. My first kiss. I felt my cheeks redden feeling light as a feather. Nothing could touch me only if I kept my eyes closed and didn't see the opulent room with its arched windows overlooking the front garden, the emerald curtains, the chandelier, gold divans and love seats made of soft velvet, Eddie standing guard, and the paintings of my family hanging on the walls. With my eyes closed, I could pretend to be a normal teenager who had a date with a handsome man and had her first kiss. If I kept my eyes closed a bit longer, I would drift off to sleep hoping Dimitri's lips on me once more claiming me as his with tender love and passionate urgency would fill my dreams. But alas, the doors opened, and my eyes flew open ending all silly dreams.
"What happened?" Adrian sat by my feet pulling my legs to rest on his lap. "Are you feeling well, Little Princess?" He looked over me, and I hoped he couldn't see what had happened written all over my face.
"Yes," I sighed. "I'm fine or I think I am… He's not a spy."
"Of course he would deny it," Adrian scoffed his eyes turning to Mason and Eddie. "If you were a spy, would you admit it?"
"No," Mason grunted. "Spies are cowards hiding behind masks crafted by their masters."
"Careful," Eddie said emotionless. "We have spies of our own in other countries. They risk their lives to provide us with information."
"Anyway," I continued. "He has tangible proof that he's no spy. The King already knows Dimitri is not a diplomat and is here in fact to protect me."
"Where's the proof?" Adrian shook his head still unable to believe he had been wrong.
"I gave it back to him," I explained everything leaving out the part where Dimitri professed his love and kissed me. I didn't think that was relevant, and despite Adrian and I only being friends, we were soon to be engaged. He didn't need to know I was unfaithful to him already. Besides, I wanted to keep Dimitri's love for me a secret for a little bit longer because I wasn't sure what to do with his confession. I wasn't even sure what to do with my feelings.
I couldn't talk to Lissa either for fear she might feed my fantasy of living a secret life with Dimitri. I had yet to tell her we knew Dimitri was no diplomat; I couldn't break her heart about Christian not until we had solid proof. I had simply ordered Grant never to let her out of his sight. I was glad I had a few secrets from my friends. As their future Queen, it was my duty to protect them, and I would. Sometimes, lies were necessary. Sometimes, breaking myself in half was imperative. So I convinced Adrian, Mason, and Eddie all was well. We would keep an eye on our Russian comrades, but they were friends to the Crown according to the King. They dropped the subject as Adrian returned to the party, and I had Eddie send word to my parents I was retiring to bed feeling ill. Mason escorted me to my room and stood guard outside as usual. Lying in bed, I touched my lips wondering if Dimitri was doing the same. I fell asleep with his name whispered into the darkness and the love I dared not confess to him.