Sarah Black Pov
*Dream*
Embry.
"Hi." I was happy to see him.
"How's it going?" He asked and without warning I wrapped my arms around him fast, hugging him.
"I've been dying to get out of there all day." I said leaning away from him and he reached down to open the passenger door of his car.
"You say that everyday." He smiled.
"That's because I mean it." I noted and he laughed grabbing hold of my book bag.
"High schools are not that bad." He smiled. "I'll put this in the back."
"Thanks and that's because you no longer have to go." I said hopping in the car, closing the door.
When I heard the back door shut I leaned over to push open the driver's side door for Embry.
"Thanks." He muttered getting in and I smirked, placing my seat belt around me.
"No problem."
"Before we get away from here, there's something I have to tell you." Embry said, settling in his seat.
"Okay." Was all I said.
"You know how we told you imprinting meant that I was destined to be your best friend?"
"Yes?"
"Well, it means more than that. It means that I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. It's like love at first sight. First it starts out as sibling-like love. Then it goes to best friend love. Finally it goes to love... love." He said awkwardly.
I nodded already knowing.
"Sarah, I think I'm beginning to fall in love with you. I wanted to tell you before, but I couldn't get up the nerve to."
"Embry, I think I'm beginning to love you too."
My echo was only what I heard back.
Before I knew it, me and Embry were leaning closer.
When our faces were only millimeters apart, I felt my eyes flutter shut.
The next thing I felt was his lips gently brushing mine. When he pulled away, he had the biggest smile on his face.
This made me smile too.
"What's our plan for the day?" He asks, driving out of the school's parking lot.
"I don't know. We can go to your house."
"Sure."
I narrowed my eyes. "What is it? Do you have other plans?" I asked hoping not.
"No, I was hoping to go to the beach." He said.
I frowned.
Him and I have been best friends since the day I was born, but sometimes I felt like he just didn't get it.
"Maybe we can go to your house instead, you know to be alone."
"Sounds great. We can watch movies and have my mom bake an apple pie." He says, and I was curious about how his mother's food tastes.
"Will she like me?" I ask.
*End Of Dream*
...
Feeling the heaviness of my eyelids, I wished to open them.
Already feeling exhausted and muddled, I can hear the faint sound of beeping.
Beeping like a heart monitor machine.
Like the machine from that soap opera t.v. series that my mom once watched called 'General Hospital.
Was I in a hospital?
"Sarah?"
I heard a male's voice.
Unsure who was here with me.
"Can you hear me?" The familiar voice spoke and I struggled to open my eyes. "It's Ethan Uley, you're in the hospital."
Taking a deep breath, I blinked three times and looked through the dimmed room.
"Do you remember kissing me on First Beach?" He spoke fast. "Then after... Embry showed up... soon you went cliff diving, but not in the fun way." He added and I instantly remembered the cliffs.
I remember my heart breaking.
I jumped into the water and then…. Nothing.
Just like the dream I woke up from, the cliff's memory felt like a dream as well.
Something scratched against a window, with a high-pitched sound and I scrunched up my nose at the noise. My vision was blurry.
"Hazel, what are you doing here?" Ethan spoke fast.
Dozed with sleep, the sound of someone stumbling in the dark made me look.
"I could ask you the same thing. If Jacob or Embry catch you here, they'll let you have it and kick your butt into next week." She said, sounding out of breath.
"Well thanks, but for your information, Jacob is aware that I'm here. He passed me in the hall. It's Embry who should keep his distance."
Feeling the left side of the bed move, one of them sat down.
"How is she?" Hazel's voice asked and I was happy she was here.
I wasn't alone. My vision is still not completely clear.
"I...I'm… O..okay." I stuttered.
My throat was as dry as sand on a hot summer day.
It ached as if I just wailed like people do at high school basketball games.
Examining my body parts with small wiggles, my left arm ached, filling heavy obviously in a case.
It was so numb I was too afraid to move it again. I was definitely human-weak again.
"Sarah? You're awake? She's awake. Go get her parents." Hazel said beside me.
"No." I tried to yell fast, feeling the vibrations scrap and burn my lungs.
I put my hands to my neck.
"Water! She needs water." Hazel said fast and my vision got clearer.
"Got it." Ethan said from the right side of my bed. "They removed your feeding tube two hours ago, because your parents were telling them they have to make arrangements to move you home." His voice sounded happy.
It had to have been the middle of the night, I was judging by the mood lighting peeking in from outside my window.
"Oh my goodness Sarah I'm so happy that you woke, I've been crying non stop for the past week. Why would you do that? How could you jump?" My best friend was heartbroken at my actions.
"Hazel. It's 1am in the morning. Let her fully wake up before you bombard her with questions." Ethan said and I felt the plastic of a straw on my lip. "Okay, Sarah. Go ahead and drink." He said and I didn't hesitate.
Drinking the water down felt so good, I had to pause just to keep from choking.
My tongue itched for a second, must have been from dehydration.
"We all were so worried for you." Ethan said and he looked different from the last time I saw him.
He cut his hair so low, it was a buzz-cut.
"Your hair." I muttered.
He laughed, lowering his body onto the bed.
"Yeah, I thought I could use a change." He smiled. "I'm so happy to be hearing your voice again."
"I'm going to go get your parents." Hazel said to me, and before I could protest she ran out of the room.
I looked at Ethan.
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
"I need time. I'm not ready to see them." I confessed.
"I know. You're not ready for their questions and them asking why you did what you did."
I nodded.
He knew just what I was feeling.
"My dad told me 25 years ago, one evening while walking home through a park near her place, your mom, Leah, was attacked. She was taken by a hybrid known as Dominic. He had the ability to read minds only of shape-shifters and other creatures like hybrids. He had known to have heard about the encounter with the Volturi and the Cullen family. Everyone says that throughout the years your dad, Jacob awaited the months and holidays to where he may get to see your mom's face again. There were rumors on the reservation that her face appeared to him at the most random moments alone in deep corners of his mind. For three years she was in the dark about what really happened with him and Renesmee. Your dad felt that the hole inside of him would never be filled by anyone. He didn't know how to connect with his former beta. To conversate like they had before ... Before he imprinted on Renesmee. That night The Russian Coven kidnapped your mom, she was also bitten and assaulted. Jacob wanted so badly to get back to that understatement that he and your mom shared once she moved back. He was so angry once he found out what happened to her, all he wanted to do was protect her and never have her leave him again. My father told me how your dad poured his heart out to her, and she did the same."
"Sam told you this?" I asked.
Ethan nodded.
"A lot had happened. Your dad felt ashamed as it was to admit that everyone one on the reservation was right about Bella Swan and her daughter. That he should have never gotten involved. For years your mom never told him that she was in love with him, my father overheard them the night they reconciled. Your mother admitted to your father that it was never her place, and he replied to her that it always was her place. Your parents have a love that we people grasp for. That comfort of one and other. You deserve that Sarah."
"I can't believe Sam told you this?" I was surprised.
Ethan smiled. "He thought of it, I read it in his mind. The morning before your accident, as it got around to everyone's ears. All my dad could think of was the reason your mother moved back to La Push. He knew that if Leah never would have got attacked by the Russian Coven vampires, then no one would ever have seen her again."
"If she had never come back, I wouldn't be here." I stated. "She wouldn't have never reunited with my dad."
"Yeah. She only stayed because of your father. Clearly your old brother came quickly." He said with a wink.
I smirked. "Strange how things happen, huh?" I whispered.
"You mean, How can one decision affect your entire life, and shape it? Yeah, it is pretty strange. Any other person probably would have stayed away." Ethan stated.
"But that goes to show, we aren't safe anywhere. Vampires can harm you no matter how far you go." I say.
Even though it wasn't a vampire who hurt me, it was Embry. A wolf.
"Then yes, but now… your mom exposed them years ago. She told the world what happened to her and how to protect ourselves against the cold ones. She exposed the wolves but as protectors against those who harm and feed on flesh. I can see why my father fell in love with her, how he still cares deeply for her. I see a lot of your mother in you, Sarah. You both are strong and fearless... and I'm glad you're alright. I'm even more glad that you came knocking on my door that day, I'm happy to know you."
I gave him a smile, touching his arm. "Thank you for coming, and for letting me in- even if your house smelt like burnt bagel."
Strange how I was only there that day because I was running from Embry.
It all always comes back to him.
I wonder why he wasn't here.
"Of course, Are you still feeling upset?" He asked too pleasantly.
He must have meant something about the Embry situation.
Best to keep my reply short. "Mm-hmm" I didn't want to talk about Embry.
He sighed.
"Me too. I had dreams of that day... good and bad, for the entire week." He says.
I didn't say anything, but I was curious.
"I think about our kiss almost every second." He said and I remembered it like it was yesterday.
On First Beach I was feeling so down about Embry that I let him kiss me.
It felt nice, mainly because I just needed to be wanted by someone, to have something good happen romantically.
"Can I tell you a secret?" He whispered to me.
I nodded.
"Instead of you jumping from that cliff, I wish we could have run away together instead. Not romantically runaway, but as friends... protecting each other and having fun."
I never seen this side of him before, this sweet guy side.
"Thank you." I smiled. "Maybe that would have been smarter."
He likes me, and respects me more than I thought.
It's a nice feeling, yet my feelings for Embry hadn't changed. I wish I could change them, it would be less painful.
"Of course, you've grown on me." He smiled.
"You've grown on me too, Ethan. I wish things could be different."
"They can be, Sarah... You can choose...whatever outcome you like. You have the power..." He leaned into me and I instantly lifted my hand to stop him.
"No." I turned my head. "Ethan."
His lips kissed my ear, and he paused moving his head back. "What's wrong?" He said, confused.
I hadn't realized he wasn't wearing a shirt, though the hospital air was cold.
I shivered, uncomfortably beneath my white sheet.
"You should go." I mouthed.
"It's okay, Sarah." He said moving into me. "You're alive, and safe. I didn't imagine you kissing me back that day on the beach. It was nice, wasn't it?"
I didn't want what he was asking.
Like a fire in the pit of my stomach, the guilt of kissing him made me want to cry.
"No, it was nice... but it's not okay now." I spoke.
"You can trust me. Whatever you'd like to do, we can. You can experience whatever you like with me. I won't push you away."
"I don't know what you mean." I whispered confusedly.
"I don't want to be alone again and I know you don't either. I can make you smile, I can make you happy." He whispered.
That was true.
Though anyone could make me smile, and semi-happy.
Embry always did. Embry knew how to make me smile at the right moment, but lately all he has been doing is making me sad.
Embry's my outlet. In a different world I would have woken up to Embry at my bedside rather than anyone else.
The words 'I love you' from Embry's mouth lingered in my head.
I didn't want anything to linger right now.
I wanted to know for a fact that Embry still cared for me, even now after everything.
That day I wanted to die, I didn't want to feel anything. Not for Ethan, not for Embry, not even for myself.
I sat still, without little effort. "That kiss was not real." I said fast.
"What do you mean?"
"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." I admitted. "I'm so sorry. I can't... not with you."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm in love with Embry. I like you, I do. You're a cool friend, I'm just not … you know.."
"Into me as much as you are him?" He stated. "Well duh. I know, but that doesn't mean we can't pretend. You can grow to love me, and cuddle with me." He smiled, leaning to put his lips to mine and I held my hand to his chest for him to stop.
Ethan grabbed my hand gently, "I care about you a lot, Sarah. We can have a lot of fun. I will treat you so much better than Embry, you know this."
I shook my head. "No. I don't want you in that way."
"Then why did you kiss me back? Why do you keep coming to me?"
"I don't- I mean I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."
"If you're not so into me then why can't you stay away?" He said frustrated.
"I wasn't thinking when I kissed you on the beach, I just wanted to be wanted. I'm so sorry, Ethan. I never wanted this. I just wanted everything to end. I don't want this and I don't want to pretend with you, I'm sorry. Alright?" I admitted.
He lowered his head, removing his hands from mine.
He sighed, obviously thinking about it.
"I don't mean to hurt you... I was hurting when I knocked on your door, and it was.. mean for me to pull you into my drama."
Ethan glanced down with a nod. "I get it." He stood to his feet.
I looked in his eyes for some type of hope that he would be okay. "You know, you're not mean at all."
He leaned down giving me a quick kiss on my cheek, just as a tear fell.
"I ... I know it would be too much to ask ...to be your friend... so I ..." I trailed off, unsure what to say.
"Say we'll see each other in passing." He shrugged. "I can handle that."
I nodded wiping the tears from my face.
I didn't want to make a mistake. I didn't want to regret not being his friend.
"Okay... I will .. I will see you around… in passing, Ethan."
"You won't.. but... take care of yourself, Sarah. Never let anything come in between what you deserve." He stated.
I smiled, then he turned to walk around the end of my bed and out of my hospital room.
To my surprise, Embry stood at the door and I glared over as Ethan passed him.
His black chin-length hair was slicked back like he put gel in it. Embry swayed unsteadily, with Hazel behind him as Ethan disappeared out of my view.
"Come on, Ethan. My mom is in the lobby waiting for us." Hazel said and I wondered what Embry was doing here as she too disappeared out of view.
Embry walked in, and shut the door.
Moving towards me, he sat in a chair that was already near my bedside. "Hey."
"Hi." I replied.
He casually scratched the back of his neck leaning over.
"How much of that did you hear?" I asked, speaking of my conversation with Ethan just now.
"Um, the part where he said 'that one decision affects your entire life, and shape it." He cleared his throat. "I know you just woke up, but I should tell you something before those doctors come in here picking at you." He says.
Why did he have to walk in giving me Johnny Depp sexy vibes?
Ugh. I want to hate him.
"Where's my parents?" I asked quickly.
"They went home to get some clothes and food." He said, taking a deep breath. "You've been in a coma for a week. The day you jumped from the cliffs was the day your mom was rushed here."
"I remember." I stated.
"She was pregnant, but she lost the baby. The reason why the doctors kept her here so long was to make sure she was alright mentally. She's so tough, like you." He paused, then took a breath. "You Clearwaters are resilient."
My last name was Black but, sure, I was a Clearwater too.
"Obviously not too strong if I tried to kill myself." I stated.
Everyone seeking in and out to see me after visiting hours is strange. Guess it's proof I'm important to them. I can't believe my mother was pregnant, and lost the baby. I could have been an older sister. That's scary and a sad thought. That baby would have looked up to me. To someone so pathetic that they tried to kill themselves. My parents must be so disappointed, in me and at the death of the baby. They never lost a baby before.
Embry glanced down at the floor, then looked back at me.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
"Brutally tired, if I was standing I would collapse on the ground." I answered.
"Are you hungry? Earlier your parents told the nurses to take the feeding tube out."
"I know, Ethan told me." I said.
He nodded. With him overhearing my goodbye chat with Ethan, he knows that things will be different now.
"I'm not hungry." I say.
"But you can still eat later, right. There's a late night taco place open, I know you'll love it." He said reaching into his jacket pocket for his cell phone. "I'll tell your parents to grab you a nacho platter and lemonade." He said and it seemed like he was nervous.
Food sounded mighty good, but just not tonight. "No thanks, I'm fine. I can't eat, even if I wanted to." I stated.
Why was he acting like nothing ever happened?
"I'll just text them anyway." He stated but merely to himself.
"Why are you being so nice and weird?" I whispered anxiously.
Now that the wolf is out of the bag about me trying to kill myself, he must feel bad. Not only for my mom and dad, but because he was the cause.
"None of this was your fault, you know." I say. "I made the decision to jump."
He nodded, lowering his head to the ground shamelessly. "I wish I could believe that."
"Well you should." I muttered, looking away from him.
There was a whiteboard with the days of the week on it and Friday was marked. The clock above reads 2:10am, meaning it is now Saturday.
"Sarah, For the past week I've been banging my head against the wall, wondering how you could not know how much you're loved. In this life it is hard to lose yourself, but you should never find your worth in someone else. Even me. I'm only human, I make mistakes. I know sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling. Trust me, I know that feeling... the feeling of being alone, like no one will miss you if you're gone. It's all frustrating sometimes I know, unsatisfied, barely getting by... but that feeling's a lie and if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will help you, even if it's not me telling you'll be okay, you have to know that no matter what you'll be fine." He stated. "You are so worth loving and breathing-"
"But still not enough for you." I said cutting him off. "None of that matters because I'll never be enough for you and if I'm not enough for you, then I'm not enough for anyone. Not even Ethan ..though he clearly for whatever reason still wants me, or rather wanted me." I kept my eyes straight, staring at the whiteboard.
"I didn't mean to make you feel so low that you wanted to off-yourself."
"Well you did and I'm not over it." I said remembering all that I felt before I tried to kill myself.
"You just don't get it. I wasn't ready. You are enough, you've always been. It was me. I don't regret it, I don't regret you. I thought I did, but after seeing you with Ethan I realized how much I'm not the only one who can fall in love with you."
"Jee thanks."
"You know what I mean." He practically snapped.
"Actually I don't." I said with a shrug still not turning to look at him. I had to stay focused, and looking into his eyes I would melt away. I didn't want to do that.
"You are more than capable of falling in love with him. I was threatened by him. I didn't want him to erase what we had. You were always enough for me, but I wasn't sure I'll be enough for you. You have so many options regardless if it's bad or not. I was scared of losing you." He said and I would have never thought that he felt that way.
"Why didn't you tell me?' I whispered confused.
"Sarah, I've always been alone. The only one that could bring warmth into my life, is you." He admitted. "There's not a second that goes by that I don't think of you. I'm afraid of how badly you'll break me."
That couldn't have been the truth.
Embry watched the puzzled look on my face as I finally turned my head towards him. "How could I break you?"
"I've always been your dad's wingman. He had always been my best friend. Falling in love with you had its risks, and I was afraid to let it get to where it is now so soon. When I said I was done fighting against the imprint, I meant it. I love you, Sarah. I would never take that back. I just wasn't ready for the physical part. I regretted it because I wanted us to be older, and get married first. For you to know for certain that you wanted to spend your life with me. When Jacob imprinted on Renesmee things were weird for him. She grew too fast and it was hard for him to say no to her. He didn't see how unhappy she was. Hybrids age so fast, next thing they knew she was sneaking around with Nahuel." He says, and it all made sense.
I heard the story about Renesmee Cullen, who fell in love with Nahuel.. another half-human-half-vampire and they had Noah.
Noah is now married to Haylie. Hazel's father.
Hazel told me the story a few times.
Years ago before I was born Embry dated Haylie, they were together for years, she was his first and only girlfriend.
Haylie fell in love with Noah while they were together.
"That night when you came into my room asking me to… show you how much I love you.." He trailed off remembering back to that night. "I was flattered and nervous about that next step so soon. I couldn't say no to you, and to be honest a part of me was happy to please you. Though I also felt it was very wrong on so many levels."
"I get it." I muttered to myself completely understanding. I closed my eyes wanting to take that night back.
I wasn't a hybrid who grew too fast. I was just a scared little girl afraid to lose her only future.
I make everything about Embry... just like my dad makes everything about my mom.
I'm obsessed with him. Why am I so obsessed with him?
I should have told him to move away, to move to Seattle and never come back.
"For some strange reason when you phased I was glad, to me it meant that your body was changing. I actually felt more drawn to you like we were growing together." He confessed.
I sighed.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." He said, and I was sorry for everything.
"I just want us to start over." I say fast.
"We can do that."
"How do we start?" I asked opening my eyes to look at him.
"First, with me asking for your forgiveness." He said, giving me pleading eyes.
"Alright." I said fast not wanting to fight or argue about what should be anymore. "I forgive you."
"I understand why you kissed Ethan back, I'm not upset about that anymore." He stated.
"I don't love him."
"I know, but he was a comfort for all the times I made you feel like you weren't good enough. I'm sorry," He said standing from his chair. "Though if you allow me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you." He said sitting on the edge of my hospital bed.
"It's alright," All I wanted was to move forward. "You don't have to worry about making anything up to me."
"I want to. You're my everything, Sarah. I don't want to live in this world without you." He said reaching into his jacket pocket, then lifting his hand with a small purple box.
Oh no. "What's that?" I was confused.
"I'll admit I was insecure about some things, but... Can you ease my soul and promise me that no matter what... we'll fight for what can be?"
"Embry?" My eyes widened in surprise, very unsure.
"I know what this may seem like but... Can we just promise to take things slowly for now and forward." He says.
"What?" I say confused, shaking my head. "Take us slowly, but you pull out a ring, wanting me to marry you?" I say not feeling comfortable with the idea.
"Not marriage. Just a promise. For someday.. It can be our promise ring." He says fast.
"I'm only sixteen."
"You're my everything, I don't see anybody but you. There's no rush." He mouthed.
"I just lost my virginity to you, I almost killed myself thinking you didn't want me...I .. need-"
"I know and I promise to never stop showing you that this is what I want. That you are all I want. We just have to go slow."
"You want us to get married? That's not slow." I freaked, confused as to why he was giving it to me now.
"No. This is not that type of proposal." He said fast. "I mean... maybe, in the far-distance-future, we can talk about it. Though right now-"
"Good. I'm too young to be your wife. I can't even think of .. that. I .. this is too much." I said trying to sit up-
Accidentally leaning my cast against the bed the pain was sharp. "Ouch." I wanted to yell.
Embry rushed around the other side of my bed, closes to me.
"Are you alright?" He lightly lifted my cast.
"No, I'm uncomfortable." I whined, wanting to cry.
"Stay calm, I'll help you." He said wrapping his right arm around my waist and pulling my body up.
He smelt like cherry blossom and mint and in that instance a flashback of that night in his bed, on top of me- came to mind.
I felt myself gasp as he looked into my eyes, slowly removing his arms from me. "Is that better?" He spoke.
It was like the tingling between my legs wanted him to touch any part of my body, like a wolf-spirit was a little character on my shoulder- sending my hormone heated chills.
I leaned my back against the pillow, and Embry sat on the bed.
I sighed. "I can't... be near you."
Embry looked to the floor. I stared at his gel-hairdo and wondered if he did that because of Ethan's look that night of the dance.
"What did you do to your hair?" I whispered.
"Nothing, something Haylie said that irritated me." He muttered, raking his hand through his hair. "I was thinking of cutting it." He said, and that didn't sound like him at all.
"I'm hoping for one day... after you go to college and when we move in together. We will fully commit. I fell in love with you months ago, the moment I came home from work and you were sleeping on my couch because you had the worst first day of Sophomore year. You knew things were starting to change between us. The look you gave me when you woke up, it was like you've been waiting your entire life for me. I've never known that feeling until now. It was the beginning of the end for us. Like it can be today. I don't ask you to forget the last few weeks, just the chance to make you happy again." He says, with his sight still on the hospital room floor.
"I don't know..." I muttered. I just woke up and he wants me to commit to him so fast.
"You don't understand the pain I felt and still feel to know I drove you over the edge. A part of me died coming in here day after day not knowing if you'll survive. I keep thinking of how much I loved talking to you, how cute you look when you smile, how much I love your laugh... how much laughing at stuff you said or did made my entire day… or how I've memorized your face and the way that you looked at me… and that when I watched you sleep it was as if you were completely gone to another planet and how I always prayed your dreams were of me."
"Embry… This is a massive overload." I muttered, not sure what to say. "I love you but… everything with Ethan has clouded things."
"No. No." He said fast turning to face me, grabbing hold of my hands gently. "I promise... This ring…" He said opening the box and taking out the silver and teal stone diamond. "This ring is my life to you. My promise that I'll never hurt you ever again, as long as I'm breathing.. I will never abandon you again."
I closed my eyes feeling the waterworks coming on.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.
For as long as I could remember I just wanted to be with him.
Though not like this.
"Every second, of every minute of every day, all I thought about was being with you." I said, opening my eyes to him. "Every night and every day I woke up thinking about what you were doing and if you thought about me."
"I did, I still do. Without a question." Wiping the tears away with one of his hands, Embry kissed my cheek.
I sighed.
"If you need time. I'll understand. I'll wait, I'll wait forever." He said as new tears started to fall from my eyes.
It was like he was the crazy obsessed one, not me.
"I ... I do need time." I admitted looking at the ring. He was terrified of losing me now, and the truth is .. I still want him in my life.
This is what I wanted... for him to make me his.. forever. Just not today.
The ring was beautiful. "I just woke up, it felt like only yesterday that you… crushed me." I breathed.
He squeezed my hand in his, then kissed it two more times. "I'm so sorry. I've realized what I had done and I'll do anything to take that day back. To tell you the truth instead of making you feel like I had regrets about us." He said, putting my hand to his cheek.
"You're so much more than my imprint, Sarah. You save me each and every day. I never meant to hurt you, or myself for that matter. I over-thought things out of fear and rejection and I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot."
"No. Embry, it's all fine." I smiled a bit. "I'm an idiot too, for rushing you. I should've never rushed you into feeling all that I wanted. It wasn't fair to you and I understand. I get it now. I forgive you, as long as you forgive me too. This mess is my fault just as much as yours. I shouldn't have let Ethan get in between us." I stated.
"You wouldn't have- if it wasn't for me. I wasn't thinking." He said.
"There's no rules to this. I understand that now." I shrugged.
"I don't doubt us, you're the most important thing in my life, you matter to me more than you know."
I smiled inside hearing that.
Deep down I already knew that. I already knew it all.
I love him so much.
"I know commitment is a huge thing that I'm asking of you right now, but… will it be asking too much for you to think about it in the future? To consider dating me once you.. finish school?"
Imagining our first kiss, the night of the dance. That was one of the best moments of my life.
I shook my head. "No, I don't need to think about it, I want us to move forward."
He smiled. "You do?"
"Yeah, it will be nice to think of our feelings on the night of the dance... before the intimate part played out." I shrugged. "I already know in the next couple months... I won't want you to leave my side completely."
He nodded. "I feel that too."
"What if I say... I'll wear your promise ring once I graduate high school. That way when I go away for college... You have to come with me." I say.
Embry nodded at that statement. "You promise?"
I nodded. "I promise."
"Alright… " He exhaled. "So for a two year long non-engagement- until you decide that that's what you'll want in the future.. we'll go slow." He said playing with the ring between his fingers.
I smirked trying to hold up my left hand even though the cast was a bit heavy. "Just to avoid pregnancy rumors.. let's call this a promise ring only..."
Embry nodded. "Definitely, I'm with that." He says, with a smile. Kissing my cheek fast.
When we both heard a knock on the room door, we turned to look.
"We're coming in." My dad announced and I sat up as Embry stood to his feet, inching away from me.
"Sarah." Mom voice sung my name happily, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a blue t-shirt.
She rushed over to me as my dad shut the door back and I held out my right arm for her.
It's like I hadn't seen her in years.
I was so caught up with my feelings with Embry that I hadn't realized how much I needed her.
"I can't believe you're awake." She hugged me tightly. "We've been in here all day. How are you feeling?"
"Sleepy." I said as she leaned back just as my dad sat on the edge of the bed.
"I'm happy you're alright chipmunk." He said kissing the top of my head. "I bought food."
I smiled. "Thank you. Mom, climb in." I said lifting the bed sheet up.
Not saying a word, mom kicked off her sneakers and joined me in the bed.
Dad glanced over as Embry turned to leave.
"Hey? Where are you going?" I asked.
"I'll be back, spend time with your parents." He smiled giving me a nod.
I nodded back understanding.
He felt guilty, like he was taking me away from them.
Just as Embry left dad held my free hand.
I looked at mom. "Embry told me what happened, I'm sorry about the baby. If I knew I wouldn't have done what I did, I wasn't thinking. I was just so... sad and afraid."
"It's okay, it's alright. It's all in the past." Mom said not wanting me to think about it.
"Right, and that goes for both of you." Dad added. "For now, instead of making rash decisions, we seek out each other. Deal?"
"Deal!" Mom and I said together.
"Good, let's eat and you tell us about coma life." He joked about handing mom some tacos and handing me two.
I didn't want to eat.
"Thanks, I'm not hungry but there's really not much to say. I just remember one dream really." I said honestly.
"Really? What type of dream?" Mom asked.
I shrugged. "A normal kind. It was like I was... sleeping, but not for a week."
"We're happy you woke up, regardless." Dad said and I wanted to cry.
How could I want to get away from this?
Get away from them?
They are my family, and I love them.
I wonder where Joshua, Daniel, and Caleb were.
They were my family too.
"We called your brothers, they're on their way back. We have all been here practically all day." Mom said and it was like she read my mind. "Josh is out with his friend Lauren, while Caleb is home with Daniel." She added.
"The boys were with you most of the afternoon, they were fighting about Josh cheating and winning every game." Dad said, rolling his eyes.
I smirked. "Me and Danny always kick butt in UNO, funny how Josh waits until I'm asleep to cheat."
Mom and Dad laughed.
"Don't worry, we'll kick their butts in Monopoly and listen to them cry." Mom smiled laying her head on my shoulder.
"I can't wait." I whispered happily.
I just wanted them to be pleased with me, like before when I would win my softball games.
I need this family time. I needed them.