Chapter 9 – Missing Pieces

Author's Note: Warnings are at the end. :)

~ Amina Gila

Everything with Anakin has changed so quickly, and Obi-Wan is still trying to process it all. That he's here, and he knows he'll do anything to make sure it stays that way. And... he finally has the answer as to how he escaped Palpatine's office alive in the first place. He doesn't know why he never considered it before.

Of course, Anakin would have tried to save him, as he had so many times in the past.

But at this point in Anakin's Fall... Vader was once the same.

Did he also Fall to save you? A traitorous voice in the back of his mind whispers. He tries to squash it just as quickly.

It doesn't work as easily as he might have liked. Not when he remembers Vader calling for him as he walked away, when he remembers that look on Vader's face back on Mustafar right before he caught fire – not when he knows Anakin was still there longer than he thought. A guilt he hasn't let himself feel since after the confrontation with Vader twists uneasily inside of him, and he reaches out, touching Anakin's presence instead, to ground himself. There's little he can do about what happened in the once future. He can only try to help Anakin now, so he won't lose him again.

Their relationship had so many more problems than he ever imagined, and... he doesn't know how he was blind to how much Anakin was hurting.

Obi-Wan doesn't remember when they fell asleep side-by-side again, but Anakin is already sitting up, eyeing the opening of the cave, now mostly buried in sand. That happened in the future too, and it was beyond aggravating to dig himself out alone.

"This is why you shouldn't live in a cave in a desert," Anakin says smugly.

"Your opinion was noted last night," Obi-Wan grouses, moving to the opening as they get to work clearing it out.

They're just finishing when he suddenly senses something, a presence he hasn't felt since coming back here. Qui-Gon?

They step outside the cave into the already much too hot sun, to see the Force ghost watching them. Anakin stills beside him, eyes going wide.

"You couldn't even have explained what I was supposed to do, could you?" Obi-Wan demands, irked.

"That was your call to make, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replies, "You had the choice to make things better. I could not tell you how you needed to do it."

"You couldn't even tell me that Anakin was..." It's weird to talk about this in front of him.

"If I could see it, I thought you could as well," he says, "Just as it was not my place to intervene before. Those were your choices to make."

Well, some guidance would have been much appreciated before all of Mustafar had happened in the first place, but he knows that's not something Qui-Gon was able to give, or he would have. (What if Vader did Fall to save you? His mind whispers again, and he ignores it. It doesn't change anything – He was still lost. Right?)

"Anakin," Qui-Gon greets, turning to him.

"Master," he replies faintly.

"It has been a long time,"

"... yes." He seems at a complete loss for words, unsurprisingly.

"I have been watching over you, even if I never appeared," he continues.

"I – I sensed you. Often," Anakin blurts out.

"I know," Qui-Gon replies, "And I would have appeared to Obi-Wan too, had he not spent his whole life convinced it was impossible."

Obi-Wan huffs. "I had no reason to think otherwise."

Qui-Gon waves it off. "Perhaps not, but you may have had you been more in tune with the moment." He keeps his very legitimate, and most irritated, comments to himself.

"How are you here?" Anakin queries.

"I learned it shortly before my death – a path to preserve my consciousness. I was going to teach Obi-Wan, but the Force had another path for him," Qui-Gon explains.

"I suppose I am grateful for that," Obi-Wan says. He can't imagine having stayed in the future, spending the rest of his life without Anakin. (Will his mind shut up?!)

"As well you should be. The Force does not give... chances like this at random, or lightly."

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow. "Are you implying other people have time traveled before?"

"The Force works in ways we can never hope to understand," answers Qui-Gon, sounding mildly amused – as though that answers anything at all. He's never given a whole lot of thought to the notion of time and space before, because really, why would he? It makes him wonder for a moment, though, if the timeline he was from was destroyed, if it never happened at all, or if it's still continuing somehow. It's too confusing to wrap his head around. (Is Vader... no, it doesn't matter. Anakin is here. That's all that matters now.) "If you need me, I will be waiting," he says, before his figure vanishes.

Truthfully, Obi-Wan isn't entirely certain what to think about seeing his master again – he knew he could for years, because Master Yoda told him, but he never saw him for all that he tried. He still thinks there's so much more that Qui-Gon isn't saying either – not that he can – but it makes him curious.

The what if's don't really matter though, do they? He's done everything he can for the Jedi, and now he has Anakin back. All that's left is keeping the twins safe and finding a way to destroy Sidious.

Obi-Wan still remembers Padme's dying words with clarity – they constantly haunted him as he wondered if she was right, if there really was something of Anakin left and he didn't need to do what he did. In the time on Tatooine, he thinks he's forgotten a lot of... Anakin. He was so fixated on how it went down that he forgot the levels of childish innocence his padawan still has.

It's still hard to think of a reality where Padme survived and where he still has Anakin, but it's happening.

"Ani," she greets immediately – Obi-Wan is watching from the side, because it feels very much like he's intruding on something private. He really is. He didn't realize they were married until recently, and even if he did know, he hasn't been around them for ten years. It's... he doesn't really know how he feels about living a decade that no one else will ever remember. "Are you alright?"

"We're fine," Anakin promises. It reminds Obi-Wan of their last call with her – everything had been so different then, and he can't deny his instinctive urge to go back to how he was then. "I... we fear Sidious may find us if we leave."

She sighs. "I can understand that. Do you know how long we'll have to wait?"

"We have no way to know," he replies.

"There's nothing we can do about him?" she objects, sounding decidedly unhappy.

"The remaining Jedi may deal with Sidious," Obi-Wan replies, moving forwards, "At the time, getting Anakin... elsewhere was a more important concern."

Padme eyes them thoughtfully for a moment. "Is there truly nothing you can do? What if he found our children before you?"

Truthfully, Obi-Wan hadn't even considered that possibility. Of course, he knew it could happen, but Anakin was far more important, and Anakin had consumed his every thought at the time. Between being taken up with having him back and nearly losing him again, he hadn't had the time to consider it. "Alone, we are not powerful enough to do anything," Obi-Wan muses, "Perhaps if I had contact with the other Jedi we could, but we have to think about it."

She nods, though he can tell she isn't happy. It's still weird seeing her alive – in some ways she reminds him more of Leia than Leia ever did of her.

"I would prefer Anakin be here as soon as possible," she says, finally.

He can see feel Anakin's longing and... talking about it won't help, though. "As would I, but there is little we can do for now." But if the twins are in danger, they're too far away to do anything about it. And that would be bad.

Her eyes narrow slightly as she looks between them. "I thought you weren't on speaking terms?"

"We talked," Anakin replies quietly, "How are the twins?"

"They're doing fine," she assures. "I just wish you could be here."

"Me too," he murmurs.

She moves the hologram to show him the twins again – it's weird seeing them so young again – before Obi-Wan leaves Anakin to talk to her privately for a little while.

**w**

They go to retrieve their lightsabers – which were just fine, thank you very much, Anakin – and leave them at the cave before going to the town. Things are still settling from the storm. They're working at the same mechanical job they had the day before when Obi-Wan catches sight of Kitster watching them, a short distance away.

He looks slightly uncertain, and Obi-Wan abruptly remembers what Anakin had said about their conversation only yesterday. It feels like so much has changed since.

"He knew you were my master, and he thought –" Obi-Wan knows what the rest was, and it sickens him to think that someone would think that. But he was treating Anakin badly, and he can't deny that. Kitster didn't have a reason to think anything else.

"Your friend is here," Obi-Wan comments, moving over to Anakin where he works with a single-minded focus on what he's doing. He's often like that – sometimes noticing everything, down to little details Obi-Wan never would have picked up on, and other times, he's thoroughly focused on whatever it is he's doing.

Anakin perks up instantly. "Kitster?"

He still seems a little uncertain, as Anakin goes over to him. "Ani," he says, relief audible in his voice, "I'm glad to see you here again." Obi-Wan can't help but listen to the conversation, even if it probably is going to be private. "Are you... okay?" his gaze darts past him, over to Obi-Wan for a brief moment before he resolutely looks away.

"I am fine, Kit," Anakin promises. They're both using nicknames for each other, Obi-Wan realizes. They were close, weren't they? It's... interesting, seeing Anakin interacting with one of his friends like this. It's nothing he's ever even seen before, jarringly enough. Anakin was never friends with anyone at the Temple, not like this. There's an understanding between Anakin and Kitster, born of sharing such a similar life, and it's not something anyone else could truly relate to. "I know what you thought yesterday, but it's not that. We talked."

Kitster only looks even more wary. "What is he to you, then?"

"He was my... teacher. He raised me. He – it's not what you're thinking." Anakin sounds slightly horrified at the thought, and suddenly Obi-Wan has a very bad feeling at what precisely it was Kitster assumed.

It couldn't have been –

On second thought, he doesn't know and doesn't want to.

"I will take your word on it then, Ani," Kitster replies, even if he still doesn't sound fully convinced. He reaches out, touching Anakin's arm, and they pull each other into a hug. Obi-Wan doesn't remember Anakin ever being this openly affectionate before, at least not in a very long time. He was with Ahsoka, but that was on a more formal, distant level. It's stranger that they haven't even seen each other in over a decade.

Obi-Wan turns away, to give them a small measure of privacy, but he hears it anyway when they start talking again. "Why would you think that?" Anakin asks.

"I can see it," Kit replies, "The control he has over you is visible. You're afraid of him."

"I... I don't know what to say. I am. I do. Sometimes. He's my master. He... took care of me, and he... it's complicated."

He is? Obi-Wan has seen... hints of that before, he supposes. That doesn't stop the uncomfortable feeling twisting in him as he thinks about it. He wishes things with Anakin could just be... what they used to be, but he knows it never will be. And apparently 'what they used to be' was never as happy for Anakin as they were for him. Obviously not, if his padawan fears him. He doesn't even know how to react to that. How is he supposed to react to the knowledge that the one person in the galaxy he truly loves is scared of him?

"So I can see," Kitster replies, "I can tell you care for him, and... that was what I was afraid of."

Anakin makes a quiet, strangled noise. "I love him. He's... like my father. I'm fortunate to have him."

"I hope so," Kitster replies.

"I don't need you to worry about me," Anakin says, "But... thank you. I don't really remember what this was like. The Jedi had to put our duties ahead of everything else. I don't remember much about this life anymore." That's the last Obi-Wan hears before they change the topic to more mundane, unimportant things, but he still can't stop thinking. Anakin is scared of him, and Obi-Wan has no idea what to say to him. He has seen that before, now that he's thinking about it.

What in the galaxy is he...

Obi-Wan did see the fear in Anakin's eyes before now that he thinks back to it, but he hadn't noticed at the time. He didn't know nearly how much he failed.

Anakin seems a little happier around Kitster, though, and Obi-Wan is glad to see it. He wishes they didn't have to be here at all, though; he doesn't want to be on Tatooine any longer. It reminds him too much of everything that happened or more accurately, didn't happen.

Anakin seems cheerful when they're heading back to the cave. Obi-Wan isn't entirely certain if it's real though. He can't tell anymore. Regardless, it's an optimism he doesn't share.

"Anakin," he states finally because he can't stay quiet about this. If Anakin is that upset about it, it's important.

"Yeah," Anakin replies, "Are you alright, Master? You seem... upset."

Upset, he thinks, isn't nearly strong enough a word for it. "I overheard your discussion with your friend."

Anakin stills, whispering a quiet, "Oh."

He loathes how he's tempted to reach out and touch him but is unsure how Anakin would react. With a start, Obi-Wan realizes that's probably how Anakin himself felt last night. That's what led to... "I believe I keep underestimating how much you struggle."

"Master, please don't blame yourself," he protests, "You had a right to do what you did. I can't blame you. I don't fully understand why I..."

"I hurt you," Obi-Wan points out, "It broke your trust in me, I imagine." Even if it hurts to voice, "And your... inability to heal faster is worsening it."

"Possibly," Anakin agrees grudgingly, "But it originated from... before, and it's not as though this is worse than what I am used to."

He almost regrets talking about this. He shouldn't be surprised it still can get worse. "Anakin..."

"Don't," he requests, "I betrayed the Jedi, and you. I understand."

"You should not have had to," is all Obi-Wan can say in response to that. In some ways, he hates that Anakin is being so forgiving. He always has been, but it makes Obi-Wan feel even worse. He missed this, though.

Anakin was, is, the only thing that makes the galaxy feel worth living.

That doesn't stop Obi-Wan from wanting to know. He checks Anakin's injury once a day, and he can't help asking about it far more frequently than he needs to. It's much better than it was but it's still bad. They're out of bacta now, so the rest is left to heal naturally – before it was blackened and swollen – its healed over now, but it's still quite deep. It's closing over, at least, though it's still raw and the skin around it is inflamed. He regrets doing it. Anakin is right that he had little other choice, but the entire situation is unpleasant.

It's that night when they lay down that Anakin snuggles up against his side, dropping his head onto Obi-Wan's shoulder. "I don't really remember it," he says, "That night at the Temple. I remember what I did and all of it, but it felt as though I was doing it through a haze. I was... disconnected. I didn't mean to attack you there. I..."

What is he supposed to say to that?

"I hate myself for it," Anakin says finally, "I wish I came to you. And I still can't understand why I was having those visions."

"I don't either," Obi-Wan replies. "I spent years wondering why you would do this, wondering how you could... ever reach this point."

There's a heartbeat of quiet before Anakin winds his arm around Obi-Wan. He is not at all accustomed to this much physical affection, but he doesn't mind it. He may have objected simply on principle once, but he wouldn't now – the Jedi are gone, and Obi-Wan knows that he's not the Jedi he pretends to be. He wouldn't be here if he was. Instead of objecting, he lifts his hand to find Anakin's.

And all he can do is marvel at how Anakin always brings life to the galaxy without trying. Obi-Wan's life had always been about duty and purpose, but somehow Anakin made him feel like it was something... a bit more. He never felt alive until he met Anakin; he didn't any more once they were apart, and he can only wonder how he survived this long.

Anakin is his little brother, but he's also so, so much more. He probably couldn't put a name on it even if he tried.

**w**

Being at the Lars homestead again, knowing this is ten years in the past is strange. Anakin had said he wanted to go there, although, and Obi-Wan might appreciate it a little more if one of the eopies they're riding would stop trying to eat his clothes.

"There is nothing funny about this, Anakin," Obi-Wan gripes, attempting to pet it to convince it back off, but it only uses the opportunity to get a better grip on his sleeve.

Anakin doesn't bother to suppress his laughter anymore.

"You've corrupted her," he complains, "What did you tell her?" He distinctly remembers Anakin whispering to her, thank you very much, and even if it's not like an eopie could understand that he could almost wonder.

"She just likes you, Master," he laughs.

"If that were so, she would leave my clothes alone."

"Perhaps she finds your clothes as unusual-looking as I do."

"You don't look any better," he grouses. Seeing Anakin without Jedi robes is still weird. "And it is not that strange."

"You lived with it for years," Anakin objects, an abrupt glaring reminder of the years gap between them.

Obi-Wan steps away, scowling as the eopie makes an unhappy noise and tries moving towards him again. "You need to teach her some manners."

"She's technically yours, Master," Anakin smirks, "You wanted to switch for this ride, remember? And you're the one who wanted eopies, anyway."

He huffs. "This is not amusing, Anakin. Perhaps I should send her after you."

"It would be –" He begins, and thankfully his very ridiculous response is cut off when a very young-looking Owen comes out to see what's happening. "Anakin?" he asks in surprise.

"Owen," he replies, nodding.

"I didn't expect you to come back. I heard the Jedi have been..."

"Declared traitors," Obi-Wan interjects, "We don't want to put you in danger, but I know you two are... family."

"It's not a problem," Owen assures, "And you are?"

"He's my master," Anakin replies.

"Oh. The one you had to go... help?"

"Yes."

It's strange to see them interacting, especially when Owen doesn't know him at all. He's not acting remotely unfriendly either – also a little odd – when he ushers them inside. Beru is friendly as expected, and they spend a little while with small talk, before Anakin makes it pretty clear the real reason he wanted to come here.

He slips outside, going over to the two grave stones a distance away from the house, kneeling in the sand in front of one of them.

His mother's, Obi-Wan knows immediately, something clenching painfully in him as he watches Anakin. He can feel his pain, see it in how he's holding himself. Anakin's talked about his mother before, but seeing her grave makes Obi-Wan suddenly realize how he literally knows of what she's like.

She took care of Anakin nearly as long as Obi-Wan did, and... For a fleeting moment, he wonders what it would have been like to raise Anakin from birth, or even to have raised him without denying how much he cared for him. For Anakin to have grown up with Obi-Wan accepting their attachment.

It's not the Jedi way, but for a moment, he so wishes things could have been different between them. And for an equally foolish moment, he feels almost... jealous. From the little he knows of Shmi, she cared for Anakin with all her heart (the same way Obi-Wan does), but she never hid it. Anakin never doubted it. None of his memories of her are negative.

He wishes Anakin could say the same for him.

There's nothing he can do about the past, but at least they can make things better.

Obi-Wan slowly approaches, kneeling next to Anakin in the sand. He doesn't know if he'd prefer privacy right now, but the boy doesn't seem bothered by it.

"I failed her." Anakin is first to the break silence, voice pained.

"It wasn't your fault, Anakin," Obi-Wan objects quietly.

He looks up sharply. "I could have saved her. I did nothing, and it led to this. But..."

He's thinking about his visions of Padme again, Obi-Wan can tell. He understands, in context, Anakin's explanation for everything, but seeing this, actually seeing Anakin's pain over losing Shmi gives him an entirely different perspective. "She's one with the Force, Anakin. You have to let her go."

"She's my mother," he replies, blinking back tears, "She raised me. I wouldn't be here if not for her. I should've taken care of her like she did me."

"You need to let it go," Obi-Wan tells him softly, "There is nothing you can do about it now."

"I promised I wouldn't fail again," Anakin says roughly, eyes squeezed shut, "But I did, didn't I? And I failed you."

He wishes he knew what to say to that. He doesn't. "Maybe," he concedes at last. "You made mistakes. We all did. And it wasn't your duty to save her. I remember telling you – to stop trying to prove yourself."

"How?" Anakin asks, anguished. "How am I supposed to... stop remembering? I'm always trapped there. I don't understand it. I need... to know. I have to."

"Know what, Anakin?"

"That... I can. That I'm strong enough."

"Strong enough for what?" he asks, softly, stroking his hand down his padawan's arm.

"To do everything you wanted of me. To be... the Jedi I should be." He leans into Obi-Wan's touch.

"But you were, weren't you? I know you struggled with darkness, and I can see now that I... was oblivious to much of it, but I cannot understand this... desperation."

Anakin huffs out a soft sigh. "I only ever wanted – to be enough to you. You asked me earlier what... happened with me. How it led to this. It was right after I spoke to Master Yoda that the Chancellor spoke to me about... being appointed to the Council." Obi-Wan can tell that he's uncomfortable, though he can't quite say why. He doesn't remember Anakin being uncomfortable this frequently. "I was... uncertain about it. I didn't believe the Council would accept me, but he... insisted."

"I thought you had requested it." With a start, he feels ashamed for it, because throughout the years, he's forgotten the exact sequence of events, but he thought Anakin may have already been lost at this point. "I knew you wanted more... power."

"Not... power, exactly," Anakin replies, staring at the gravestone. "I was searching for a way to save Padme and most, I only wanted to end the war. I could see how much it's destroying everything we were fighting for. I wanted to bring peace and order. I wanted... to help, like no one helped me or Mom. Palpatine gave me that choice. He made me feel like I was capable of something."

"Palpatine doesn't care about order," Obi-Wan points out, "Only power."

Anakin's presence is stilling, tensing next to him. "His beliefs are not that different from the Jedi's."

Obi-Wan has been calm and unusually patient since the moment he nearly lost Anakin, but for the first time, he actually finds himself getting angry. "The Sith are evil," he snaps, "You know that. How can you question that?"

"The Jedi were corrupted too," Anakin says, body tense. "They are – were afraid to lose power. And you were committing treason. Palpatine may have deceived me, but he never lied to me."

The entire conversation is making him think more and more about Vader, and he thought... he doesn't know, but somehow, he thought Anakin's lightness meant all his darkness was gone, but it doesn't. And he can see Vader's mask in his mind, and it's making him angry. "He's a Sith, Anakin!"

"I know what he is! Do you truly believe I couldn't see it or feel it?"

"You didn't feel it after a decade of knowing him," Obi-Wan snaps.

Anakin jolts back, blinking, visibly stung. His expression hardens to anger, and he jolts back, standing sharply and spinning around, turning back towards the homestead.

Obi-Wan has absolutely no idea why he just said that, but Anakin is already walking away. "Where are you going?" he calls after him.

He ignores him, disappearing inside, leaving Obi-Wan sitting outside alone.

Why did he just say that?

**w**

Anakin knew that talking to Obi-Wan would eventually go downhill. He knew that, but it still hurts. Every time it feels like they make progress, they always regress, and it hurts enough that Anakin has found it easiest to stop trying. He would have continued to do so, but after that night, he wanted to be open so desperately that he didn't even... think about it. He did but he didn't – he knew it'd happen, but Anakin trusted that Obi-Wan genuinely wanted to know and try to help. He doesn't know why. It's not as if he doesn't already know he's past helping right now.

Owen thankfully does have an oil bath for machines here, which Anakin is grateful for. His arm was beginning to bother him. Normally, it can go longer, but the sand is getting into his mecho's joints and it's unpleasant, especially when it starts moving wrong or sending strange sensations down his arm.

He loathes how vulnerable he feels without his arm, which is why he rarely takes it off, except for maintenance.

He wishes there was someone he could talk to about this, but there's no one. Certainly not Obi-Wan. He doesn't understand, and he never will. At least he's not being outright cruel like he was earlier, but it still hurts. It always does.

Obi-Wan has always been quite insensitive. That's not going to change, and Anakin accepted that a long time ago, but sometimes, dealing with it is extremely difficult. Normally, he doesn't have a problem yelling back, except he... can't. Not right now. Not after Obi-Wan was so visibly scared of him.

He wants to cry, but this runs too deep. For a brief, foolish moment, he'd let himself be vulnerable, and that's not something he'll repeat again.

Because truthfully, Anakin should have known better. He should have figured out what Palpatine was doing long before it became this serious. It's not as if he didn't wonder sometimes if the Chancellor was really genuinely interested in helping him, but it faded so fast because he just wanted someone, and Obi-Wan was so difficult.

And he had been so, so lonely, but he should have...

He has no idea how he could've thought Obi-Wan would be willing to... be more than what he always was. He's still a Jedi.

And then abruptly, he senses – No. This can't be happening, not so soon. An icy, cold dread twists inside him.

Sidious is here. He's here, and – and – "Obi-Wan!" Anakin calls, jolting to his feet.

WARNING: Emotionally abusive relationships, and more mentions of... implied past rape/non-con that is not actually that.

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