CHAPTER FIVE
(JPOV)
The house was quiet and the tree was still half decorated as the dawn approached further. Bella sighed heavily as she finished her second cup of coffee and gazed into the dwindling fire.
"It's officially Christmas."
"It is." I yawned, feeling a bit dead on my feet after the long night.
"Sarah still believes in Santa and all the Christmas magic. I feel just awful to disappoint her this year, but with the rush here, I just didn't have time to get her the gifts I normally do." She fretted.
"Did you bring some with you?"
"Yes, only a few. There in that suitcase over there. I haven't even wrapped them yet. Better get busy with that before she wakes up."
Bella hurried to dig the gifts out one by one, as the clock ticked on and I saw her stress level rise when she realized she was fresh out of wrapping paper and still had another five more gifts to do.
"Want some help?" I asked, as she tried to hunt down more paper in the back of Charlie's hall closet.
"I'd love some." She half grinned. "If I could just get my hands on some more wrapping paper."
"Charlie mentioned he had some spare Christmas things in the attic earlier when I first got here with the tree. Maybe there would be some up there? Can't hurt to check, right?"
"That's a good idea. I haven't been up in the attic in years. God only knows what's in there, Jake."
"Well, we won't know till we look." I told her, heading for the stairs.
The attic was definitely over run with spare household items and old totes for storage. It was filled to the brim and we barely had room to move up there, but after a bit more searching, we stumbled across a roll of old Christmas wrapping paper with Santa clause on it.
"Oh, wow. This stuff has probably been up here since I was Sarah's age." Bella laughed, holding up the printed paper with a shrug. "But it will do the job."
"Can't go wrong with Santa themed wrapping paper, right?" I hedged, leading the way out of the attic.
For the final few gifts, I helped her wrap them and couldn't help but ponder all the things I would have done like this for Sarah in years past.
"Can I ask you something else?" I began, unsure of if I wanted to know the answer.
"You can ask me anything."
"Does she call Edward-" I hadn't even finished the thought before Bella abruptly stopped wrapping with her answer.
"No-... he's never been that to her. There's so much more to my history I need to share with you."
"Now is a good time." I pointedly stated, seeing the flush color of her cheeks, as she tried to figure out the best place to start with some of what she hadn't already told me. There were several missing pieces to this puzzle and I wanted more answers.
"When I was a few months along with Sarah, Carlisle sat me down and explained to me what he and Edward felt the best course of action going forward would be. When I refused, things changed in the Cullen household. I became more and more of an outsider because I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy. They saw it as a choice of me choosing to defy Edwards wishes and this divided them. Alice took my side. She was one of the only ones to do so. Outside of her, they all tried their best to persuade me into having an abortion."
Bella briefly paused as she handed me the scissors and tap before continuing on.
"Some of their tactics were downright scary. Edward was manipulative. He even went as far as to threaten that once Sarah was born, her would have nothing to do with her. He made good on his word there. I left the Cullens house last year, shortly after Sarahs second Birthday, and rented a place on the same street. We'd been living in Vancouver at the time, and the cost of living wasn't cheap, but thankfully Alice was there for me still. She took care of the financial side of things so I could focus all of my attention on Sarah. I was determined to make a safe place for her and I, and that's what I did. Sarah doesn't share the Cullen last name. I made sure of that legally. Sarah Renee Black is written on her birth certificate and it will stay that way. She carries your name with her."
Hearing this didn't bring me the kind of comfort I thought it would. I swallowed hard at the anger trying to grip me as I thought of the Cullens trying to coax her into ending the pregnancy, as if it had never even been to begin with. My tremors made it hard for me to sit still when I handed over the last package now wrapped for Bella to place under the lit Christmas tree. I got to my feet and paced back and forth trying to remember to keep my cool.
"I need a minute." I truthfully told her and she nodded in understanding.
"I know it's a lot."
"Sure in hell is." I agreed.
"When you asked me why I didn't tell you before and I said all my reasons were selfish, it's the truth, Jake. All of them will sound unjustifiably selfish."
"Try me...-"
"There were promises I made that had to be kept." She tearfully stated. "Ones I should have never promised to begin with."
My gaze narrowed further at this.
"What kind of promises, Bella?"
"There are rules in Edwards world. Rules that can't be broken without severe consequences. If they are, it's a death sentence in most cases. When I went after Edward in Italy years ago, I fled to Volterra with Alice. It's a place where those who rule the vampire world reign with terror. It's how they keep things in order there. The Volturi."
My hands began to shake and I balled them into tight fists, struggling to keep my head about me as I guessed what her promise had been to them.
"You promised to be changed. To become what they are. That's how they let you go last time."
"It was the only wait they'd let me live. There's not a whole lot of options."
"So you've had that threat hanging over your head ever since?" I asked.
"Yes." She confirmed. "Always looking over my shoulder has become the new norm for me. Since I left, I no longer have the protection of the Cullens and I'm not privy to Alice's visions."
"You have no idea when they're coming."
"Could be tomorrow. Could be years from now." She nervously countered. "I live everyday with that knowledge. It's why I stayed with Edward and the Cullens as long as I did. Without Alice's visions, I'm blind when it comes to knowing if or when they decide to pay me a visit."
I did my best to ignore the heated tremors and took a few steadying breaths as Bella peered my way again.
"Do they know about us? About the pack?"
"No, not according to Alice. We still talk here and there, but not nearly as often as we used to."
"-and you trust what she's telling you so far?" I questioned.
"What other choice do I have?"
I held her gaze for a long moment then, reading the fear there and choosing to believe her at her word on this.
"You've always had more choices, Bella. You just chose the wrong ones."
"I felt trapped. Like the Cullens were my only chance at staying alive." She countered.
"As long as you did what they said and didn't go against the order of things, right?" I snapped. "Sounds like a great plan to me."
"I survived in any way I had to, Jake. Month to month, sometimes week to week."
"...and in all that time, you never stopped and thought about the other choice you had waiting for you back home in Washington?"
"That's the last place I wanted to lead the Volturi to. Putting everyone here at risk and in danger for a choice I made. That would give selfish a whole new meaning." She defended.
"That's just it, Bella. You don't get to choose for everyone anymore. That's not how this works."
"I made the best choice I could given the circumstances!"
"No, you made the fear driven choice Edward left you with. I'm sure he played that song in your head over and over. It's how he works. Tactics of scare and manipulation paint you into the nearest corner until your resolve breaks and your defenses come down and then he gets to play the hero card."
Bella went mute, her eyes welling with more remorse from my statement.
"I didn't- that's not how-" She soon began, but I wasn't finished.
"No, stop. Don't you dare try and defend what he did. What he's done from the beginning. I tried to get you to see it before you married him, Bella. I tried everything I could to make you see reason, to make you realize just what game he was really playing, and what you'd be giving up if you took his last name, but you couldn't see it."
"I came to you the night before my wedding-"
"You drove to La'Push to check one last time to see if I'd come back to humanity after being gone in wolf form so long. It was to ease your own guilt. You didn't come there to tell me you'd seen the light of things and had a change of heart."
"You're wrong-"
"No, I'm not. I remember everything about that night. Everything. You left."
"Because I had to-"
"No, you didn't have to do anything. All this time of you living with that kind of fear driving your choices and you never even stopped long enough to consider the idea that it was me. That I was the answer. That I was enough to protect you and Sarah."
At the mention of her name, Sarah stirred on the sofa and I stopped the heated exchange in it's tracks. Bella wiped her tears and wrapped Sarah in a blanket, sitting with her while she woke up as the sun started to peer in through Charlie's windows.
Christmas morning was filled with more of Sue's cooking and the by the time she plated another stack of her home made chocolate chip pancakes, we'd all had our fill.
"I can't remember the last time I was this happy." Charlie huffed, before shoving in another bite of his breakfast and chasing it down with more orange juice. "Been so nice to have some company for the holiday this year. Can't tell you what it means to me."
Bella was busy getting Sarah breakfast, but caught her fathers sentimental words and squeezed his hand in acknowledgement of them.
"It's good to be home again, dad. Missed it so much."
Sarah was shy and timid around us. She stayed ever close to Bella's side, but every once in a while she'd look my way and smile and I'd return it.
"Did you get enough to eat?" Charlie asked once Sarah had licked the plate clean of all the syrup.
"Yep, I did Grandpa."
Charlie just grinned at her as she tore off for the kitchen in search of Bella.
Once breakfast was through, Sarah tugged on Bella's arm and pointed to the tree with a beaming grin.
"Presents, mama?
"Yes, baby. We can do presents now."
Sitting around the Christmas tree we'd managed to finish just in time, Sarah eagerly tore into her presents, her sweet face full of joy when she saw the toys Bella had gifted her with. I sat there, taking in every moment and praying that the memory of it would never fade.
This was our first Christmas as a family. As unconventional and messy as it all still was, I wouldn't have traded it for anything else in the world.
A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!