CHAPTER SIX

(JPOV)

From doll houses to outfits, puzzles, easy bake ovens, and everything in between, Sarah had her arms full and was eager to try out all her new presents she'd unwrapped from under the tree.

I couldn't take my eyes from her as she tossed handfuls of discarded wrapping paper up in the air, whirling herself around with a giggle as it fell to the floor.

Bella laughed as she tried to pick up the mess after her, but soon gave up upon seeing the joy Sarah got from it all.

"Sarah, come here and you can help me whip together some sugar cookies!" Sue soon cheerfully told her. "Your grandpa Charlie has just enough here for ingredients for us to make them before I have to head back to my house."

Sarah needed no further encouragement, she was running for the kitchen in seconds from Sue's offer.

"She likes helping me in the kitchen." Bella added, swiftly shoving the mounds of wrapping paper into the large trash bag. I joined her in the clean up and she tried to keep the conversation light the best she could. "Sarah has always liked helping me bake. Even though she's little, she does love being my little side kick."

"Comes well by it."

"She sure does."

"You always loved cooking." I noted.

"Still do."

I took the trash out for Charlie, so he wouldn't have to do it later and took a moment to gather my thoughts there on the porch.

I had a daughter.

That little girl in there was tangible proof that Christmas miracles really did happen.

I stood there in the freshly fallen snow and it wasn't long before Bella joined me, her eyes turned up to the cloudy sky above that threatened more of the white stuff to fall again later.

"I know these words will probably sound anything but sincere, but I promise you they are. I was wrong to make the choices I did years ago. Wrong to take yours away, and wrong to not come here long before now to tell you the truth, Jake. I owe Sarah, and I owe you, so much better than that. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me for it, but if you choose not to, I won't blame you."

I was silent after this for a long moment, catching the faintest sound of Sarah's innocent laughter coming from inside the house with Sue and Charlie and cherishing it.

"I want the truth from you, Bella. More of it." I admitted, meeting her gaze of confusion. "You had to have known somewhere inside you that staying with the Cullens all that time wasn't the right choice for anyone involved!? With my blood running through her veins, you know what risk that poses to her. Where she comes from, her background and history, you of all people know what that means."

"What it might mean-" Bella countered. "There's no guarantee that she'll shift-"

"-and there's no guarantee she won't, Bella. That's my point. What should be years down the road for her, or not at all if we're lucky, you could trigger in her early from a compromised environment."

"I didn't think that was something that was even a possibility this young." She admitted.

"It's not likely, but keeping her in a place that could force that kind of early phase wasn't smart. There could be consequences from it later. I sincerely hope there isn't. For Sarah's sake."

"Me too." She sighed in concern, peering out toward the tree line ahead. "Do you still phase regularly?"

"Every week. That hasn't changed. Sam thought it would have, but so far, we're still getting new members. Younger and younger it seems as time goes on. Brady and Collin joined and they were the youngest, now Sam thinks that pattern will continue. Won't know until it happens." I truthfully stated.

"I wasn't sure if with the threat of the Cullens being gone now, that it would get better?"

"Not yet." I pointedly told her. "It's what their kind does! They cause havoc and destruction and then they take off. How convenient."

"Rosalie almost paid you a visit herself when she discovered the truth about me being pregnant." Bella replied, her words making fresh tremors start for me.

"What was the blondes plan, huh? Show up and tell me about you, then beg me not to kill her brother, cause I probably would have." I sharply retorted.

"I'm not sure to be honest. It took all of my convincing to change her mind. Trust me, it wasn't easy. I knew that no good would come from it. As I said before, Alice was on my side, but Rose had her moments too. Her loyalty to the Cullens made it hard for her to stay as consistent as Alice was, but I knew if given the chance, she would have done anything for Sarah. To keep her safe."

"Safe?" I ground out. "From the very thing she's been born with natural instincts to destroy?"

Bella went mute at this, her eyes glossy when they held mine again.

"I don't expect you to make this easy for me. I don't deserve that kind of grace, but we are gonna have to at least agree to move on from it. Start over. Do you think you can do that?"

"I can try." I replied. "But you and I- things can't be the same-"

"I know I have to earn back your trust."

"I don't even know where to start with that, Bella. I have no clue. Out of all the things I could picture you doing out of selfishness from being blinded by Edward, this was never one of them. When you married him, I wished more than anything that you had never even come looking for me that night, but then you show up here- and for the first time since you left, I feel some sense of hope."

"I'm sorry, Jake. I'm so sorry."

"For which part?" I managed.

"All of it. For leaving the way I did. For not coming back. For waiting until now to tell you about Sarah."

"You want to know what hurts me the most, Bella?" I asked, seeing her gaze fall to the ground at this.

"What-"

"It's that you really believed Sarah was better off without me for the first three years of her life." I choked out, unable to keep the pain out of my voice. "I don't know how I'll ever be able to get over that, Bella."

She moved forward, her hand reaching for my arm with her answer, but I pulled away.

"I never thought for a second that Sarah was better off without you, Jake. Please don't think that. It's not true."

"You didn't come back. You knew she was mine and you stayed with Edward. Do you have any idea how much it guts me to think of him being there to see all her firsts!? First words, first steps, first solid foods. I missed it all with her, meanwhile he gets to have those memories. Something that shouldn't even belong to him!"

"You have every right to be angry."

"I am, Bella. I can't even-"

"I know-"

"You took that from me and I don't know if or how I can get past that."

Bella flinched back from my words and tried to keep her composure as she glanced back toward the house.

"Are you saying, you're not sure if you can ever forgive me for this, Jake?"

"I'm saying - I don't know, Bella. That's the best I can give you right now and I'm sorry if that's not enough. Last week, I thought you weren't alive- that you'd been changed for years now- and as relieved as I am that you're still you, still breathing and warm, I'm also so damn angry with you that I feel as if I can't breathe- let alone be in the same room with you right now, and I don't know where that leaves us. The truth is, I've had this exact dream in my head before, the one where you'd come back to me, saying you made the wrong choice to marry Edward, that you wanted me, that you wanted us, and we'd finally get the chance we were supposed to have."

"...- and now?" Bella tearfully hedged.

"Now I feel like that chance will never come, because if there was any part of you that loved me the way I've always love you, you would have chosen differently from the start. Keeping Sarah from me would have been the furthest solution in your mind. You would've done anything to come back to Washington, and you would've known that you were safe with me. That the both of you were, but that wasn't what you chose."

"You think that decision was easy for me?"

"Sure in hell seems that way." I bitterly countered.

"Staying away from you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

"You didn't have to. You chose to. There's a big difference."

Bella shook her head in exasperation and turned to go, but stopped briefly before she reached the house door again.

"I know the difference and I also know what it felt like to have someone tell me you were better off if I left you alone."

She opened the door and I moved to catch it before she could end the conversation with more uncertainty or half truths.

"Wait- hold on a damn minute- what are you talking about?"

She released her grip on the door and refused to meet my gaze then, her objection to finishing her former comment making my skin heat and my anger flare again.

"I'm not going to pretend to know the kind of hell you went through when I left, just like you shouldn't presume to know every detailed reason that led up to my choice of marrying Edward after-..." She struggled to finish as I closed the door and moved in closer to her.

"...-after I made love to you- after you told me you loved me...-" I finished for her, seeing the emotion still there in her rich brown gaze from my recollection of the vivid memory that I couldn't forget no matter how hard I tried. "-after you asked me not to let you go and told me you'd never felt safer."

"I meant every word I said to you that night. I did."

"You left-"

"But I came back. Maybe you should ask Sam about that. I'm sure his memory will serve him right when you do."

With that, she went inside and I watched from the window as Sarah came running to her with another giggle. Bella picked her up with ease and placed a kiss to her cheek before looking in my direction, our eyes meeting long enough to tell me there was far more to this story that I was missing.

A/N: Thank you so much for all of your great reviews to this holiday story. It warms my heart to see. Please feel free to leave another reivew with your thoughts on this new update. More to come tomorrow. HAPPY READING.