CHAPTER THIRTEEN
(JPOV)
I had pictured this very moment with her a thousand times in my head, how it would feel to kiss her again after all this time. Neither one of us dared to move as her piercing gaze held mine.
The house was silent with nothing but the sound of the crackling from the fading fire. The glow from the Christmas tree touched Bella's face. Her beauty still took my breath away.
She slowly leaned in closer to me, her lips barely ghosting mine when the sound of Sarah stirring stopped us both.
"Mama...-"
Bella pulled back with a sharp breath and quickly peered over at Sarah.
"What is it, baby? What's wrong?"
"I'm thirsty, Mama."
"I'll get you a drink."
I exhaled the long breath I'd been holding and watched her as she headed for the kitchen to get a glass of water for Sarah.
With sleep heavy in her eyes, she soon peered over at me with a shy smile.
"You staying here with us, Jake?"
"Maybe for a little while longer." I offered in return.
"I'd like that." Sarah softly admitted,
"Oh yeah?"
"Yep, maybe you can keep the bad dreams away. Mama tries, but sometimes they still come."
I scooted over closer to her, tucking the blanket in more securely around her with my reply.
"Well, you're in luck."
"I am!?" Sarah piped up.
"Yes, cause I just so happen to be kind of an expert at keeping bad dreams away."
"What's your secret?" Sarah nervously asked.
"No secret. Just me, I guess. Ask your mama about it sometime." I replied.
"Mama used to have bad dreams?"
"She did. Long time ago."
Bella overheard this when she quickly returned with a cold glass of water in hand.
"Jake's right, honey. I had my fair share of bad dreams, too. When I was a lot younger."
Sarah took a drink and cracked half a smile then.
"Jake said he is an expert, mama!" She tiredly stated. "Maybe he can stop my dreams?"
"Maybe." Bella mused, the forced smile in return catching my attention before she kissed Sarah on the forehead and told her to try and go back to sleep.
"Will you stay, Jake?" Sarah yawned, as she closed her eyes and I simply didn't have the heart to tell her no.
"Of course. You can count on me. I'll do my best to keep those dreams away." Sarah nodded and was fast asleep again in no time, her face content as she nestled herself further into the blanket.
"She's taken to you already. No fear at all this one. Definitely gets that from you. Among many other things." Bella softly noted.
"Does she have dreams often?"
"Yes...- nightmares more lately."
"You know what that's like." I countered. "She ever tell you what makes her afraid?"
Bella shook her head and fetched a blanket from Charlie's hall closet.
"Not really, but there are times I wish she would. She's very selective with who she opens up to these days. I hope you don't mind taking the other end of the couch? Probably not the most comfortable."
"I'll be fine." I assured her. "I can sleep just about anywhere."
Bella quietly settled herself in the adjacent rocking chair, her eyes wandering to the fireplace as it dwindled further.
We were both silent for a long time, deep in thought about the things we couldn't change, the regrets we had and the things that laid ahead now.
She'd tore my heart out when she left and it killed me to think of all the time that had slipped away from us.
When the fire finally went out sometime later, the darkness wasn't comforting, it was suffocating and I couldn't sit there any longer.
I tucked Sarah in one more time and glanced back over my shoulder to catch Bella's tired gaze before it could fall.
"So much for being able to sleep anywhere, huh?" She whispered.
"Yeah, so much for that." I agreed.
"Sleep can be overrated anyway."
"Sometimes."
"Most of the time." She wearily countered, the dark circles under her eyes proof of the truth behind her comment.
"Sleep evading you these days, too?"
"I tend to sleep with one eye open half the time. Afraid of what might be lurking around the corner or what's coming next. Not too mention, when you're a mom, you hear every little noise or creek. You simply don't sleep as soundly as you once did before. I never understood what Charlie meant whenever he'd tell me that when I was younger, but I definitely get it now."
"I can only imagine what that's like...-" I trailed off then in response, my gaze wandering over to Sarah with regret playing heavy on my mind.
"I know that there's nothing I can say that will change what I did or how I went about things."
"No, there isn't."
"-and that there's no amount of sorry that can atone for my actions. Despite Sams role in things before, I should've tried harder. Fought harder. For Sarahs sake and for yours. Leaving was wrong of me to do. I own that. It was my doing back then."
"Why didn't you call me-"
"I picked up the phone dozens of times I just-"
"-couldn't go through with it. How could you believe what Sam told you? Without even trying to reach me so you could find out for yourself?"
"I was more afraid that calling would only confirm it to be true...-" she admitted. "That fear was what always kept me from placing the call."
"You know what really kills me the most with all of this? What rips me apart every damn time I even think about it?" I hoarsely countered.
"What-"
"That Cullen got to see her firsts, or at least some of them in person. I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that. He was there and I wasn't. Should have been me. She doesn't even know I'm her father, Bella. She has no idea who I am."
"I'm more sorry than you know for that, Jake. I want you to be in Sarah's life. More than anything. I want you to know her and for her to know you."
"I want that too, Bella. With all my heart, but how do I know you're really here this time? That you're staying and that you won't take off again? I can't go through that!"
"You have my word that I won't. My place is right here."
"I can't trust that alone, Bella. Things aren't like they were before. Not even close. It will take time."
"I know and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back again, Jake. That's why I'm here." She sated.
I saw the welling emotion there in her rich brown eyes as she peered up at me with true remorse. The sight of her trailing tears made it hard for me to stay angry for long.
"We have to start somewhere, right? Take things a step at a time?" I soon sighed, as I crossed the room and reached out for her hand. "Step one..."
Bella laced her slender fingers through mine with an agreeing nod and slowly rose to her feet with her reply.
"Step one, Jake."
A/N: Hello again to all my wonderful readers. I am sincerely sorry for the delay in the progression of this stoey. It has been a rough month with sickness, but thankfully, we are all okay and that is what matters. Please leave me a review as I love hearing from all of you and I truly wish you all well. More to come tomorrow! So happy to be back at writing again. xoxo.