CHAPTER FOURTEEN
(JPOV)
I left Charlie's house before the sun rose the next morning and was running through the snowy forest on all fours as the night dissapeared and swiftly turned into day once again.
My whole world had been turned upside down in less than seventy-two hours and I ran full tilt for the Reservation with everything Bella had said still fresh on my mind. I reached my cabin and skidded to a halt when my wolf gaze fell on Billy sitting in his chair on the porch.
I phased back and shrugged into my torn cut offs as I made my way toward him. His early arrival hadn't been expected. Billy noted the perplexed look on my face and somehow found it humorous.
"Don't look so surprised, son." He chuckled with a tilt of his head. "Did you think I wouldn't seek you out with a hundred questions?"
"How did you even get here, dad?" I asked, wheeling him back inside and out of the cold before he caught his death out here.
"Oh, Sue dropped me off late last night. Used my spare to get in and managed to get the fire going a bit before you showed up."
I nodded and closed the door, feeling the chill within the cabin and shaking my head while I hurriedly tended to the fire.
"You stayed here over night? Alone? It's freezing in here."
"I was just fine. Besides, it did me some good to have some time to myself to think."
"Yeah, seems there's been a lot of that going around lately." I mused. "Are you hungry?"
"A little, but that can wait."
"I suppose you want to hear about Bella and why I never told you about what happened with us before she married Cullen?" I guessed.
"You get right to the point." Billy sighed. "But yes, I do want to know why you never said anything."
"What was there to say, dad? 'Oh, um, sorry but I forgot to mention that Bella came by before her wedding and I made love to her, but in the end, she chose the leech again anyway.'
My tone was filled with an acidic humorless laugh at the end that made my fathers eyebrows lower in irritation.
"Jacob-"
"Come on, dad. You and I both know how that conversation would've gone and truth be told, I wasn't in the mood for another lecture of how I should let her go because it was best for me. That was the very last thing I wanted to hear back then."
"I wouldn't have told you that." He argued.
"Since when?" I challenged. "You told me that running when I got that wedding invitation in the mail would solve nothing. I still remember you yelling it after I was half way out of the house. You told me that day that holding onto something that wasn't going to change was slowly killing me, remember?"
Billy sighed and sat back further in his wheelchair as he recalled those words from years prior.
"I do, son. Yes, I remember what I said to you before you tore off out of the house to disappear for weeks. I was trying to stop you. To make you see reason. It wasn't because I didn't sympathize with your pain."
"You wanted me to let her go and I couldn't do that. I tried, believe me. Spending that time alone and living on pure animal instinct wasn't enough to make me stop loving her. The second I saw here again, it was like, it was all for nothing. She showed up without warning."
"She wanted to see you before sealing her fate to the Cullens. That should tell you something."
"Yeah, it did. It reminded me that she somehow enjoyed driving that same old knife back in over and over again. At least, that's what I thought." I painfully admitted as I recalled the look on her face when she stumbled toward me, her tears already slipping down her cheeks when she said my name.
"No, that you were here safe place. That she needed you more than she could ever need him." Billy clarified.
I hunkered down in the empty kitchen chair beside him and met his wise gaze then.
"She went through with it. She married that leech and she left."
"Sam told me what happened. From his point of view anyway." Billy stated. "As much as I love and respect him, he had no right to interfere that way. No right at all. He knows that. His intentions were good. They weren't to harm you, but to protect you. He'd seen her put you through enough. Can't blame him for not wanting to see it again."
"I don't blame him, but I'm so angry that he never at least told me. Sarah is three and she doesn't have the slightest idea who I am."
"She will."
I swallowed hard at this, my eyes narrowing some as I pondered how to get closer to her without scaring her or making her confused.
"I don't have the first clue about being someones father." I admitted. "You always made it look easy, even when life was far from it for you. You somehow kept us kids together."
"I think you'll do just fine, son. Sarah seems like a pretty great little girl. Smart too. I bet you'll find that she's drawn to you already. There's a natural sense of belonging that comes with fatherhood, nothing could ever replace it, but it's one of the true joys in life. I wouldn't trade it myself for anything in the world. All you ever want as a father is to see your kids happy, loved and safe. I haven't seen your smile as wide as it was yesterday for a long time. You deserve this, my boy. So, take all the time you need to get to know your precious daughter. Just remember to be patient and honest and it will all work out in the end."
"Thanks, dad. You always know what to say." I offered, knowing his advice was just as sound as it ever was.
"You're gonna be a great dad, Jacob. Just you wait and see." He encouraged with half a grin my way. "-and you know I'm around if you ever need me."
"I do know that." I agreed. "Stay for breakfast? I can make some eggs and toast?"
"Sounds good."
We ate together and dad was full of tons more advice on what to do with Bella and Sarah now being back in Washington for good. I took it all in and enjoyed his company. We were on our second cup of coffee when there was a firm knock on the cabin door.
I swung it open to see Sam there with a breakfast casserole in hand, his weary glance looking between Billy and I as he held it up as some form of peace offering.
"Morning."
"Good morning, Sam." Billy greeted first.
"Emily just pulled this out of the hot oven for you, Jake. Asked me to bring it over bright and early this morning. Said it couldn't wait cause I guess it doesn't taste good when reheated or something." Sam shrugged.
"We've already had breakfast, Sam." I sighed, trying to keep my tone as even as I could with him for my fathers sake alone right now. "Tell Emily I said thanks though."
"You know, Sam! Since we've already had something to eat ourselves, you should come in and help us put a dent in that casserole. Don't want Emily's work to go to waste now do we?"
I stole a side glance at Billy and stepped back for Sam to enter the cabin, his eyes careful to advert mine until I'd closed the door behind him and fetched us all paper plates.
I tossed them down on the table along with three forks and took my seat again, my anger over the current situation making it hard for me to sit still for very long.
Forgiving him was going to be way harder than I thought.
"So, tell me Sam, how is Emily doing?" Billy asked, taking a large portion of the steaming casserole for himself.
"She's doing well, Billy. She's been cooking up a storm this holiday season. Can't seem to eat it fast enough if you can believe that."
"I don't! With the pack still running over to your place for meetings, I would assume it would be gone in no time."
Sam laughed and hesitantly met my gaze then.
"How are you today, Jacob?"
"I'm fine." I managed.
"Did you stay at the Swans last night?"
"Yes."
"How's Sarah and Bella?"
"They're good. Probably still sleeping." I huffed, losing the ability to keep my tone in check with him now.
"Billy here called me last night asking if we could all get toghether like this today? Emily's casserole was just a conversation starter really." Sam truthfully hedged. "There's things we need to hash out further. Things we cant leave unsaid."
"Floor is yours." I told him. "Go right on ahead. Speak."
"You were there when I spoke to Bella. My apology to her was sincere and it was to you, too. Can we please move on from all this? For the sake of the pack, Jake?"
"You're asking me to just forgive what you did? Just like that?" I spat out in disbelief. "It's not that easy!"
"Why not?!" Sam angrily replied, getting to his feet with me as we both stood abruptly from the table in frustration.
"Because what you did was wrong!"
"I accept that it was wrong and I even admitted that to you and Bella both! But you can't seem to let it go."
"It's only been a few days. You gotta give me more than that, Sam."
"As Alpha, I can't give you any more time than that. I need you out there with us as scheduled. The pack came across a trail last night. A fresh one. We're stretched thin. We need you! Don't be selfish!"
My eyes narrowed into tiny slits then as my fist came down hard enough on the wooden table to rattle the floor beneath us. "You're calling me SELFISH!?"
"Yes, that's what you're being! I made a mistake. One I own. Now lets move on from it!" Sam irritably insisted.
My blood began to boil as we stared each other down.
"You arrogant pompous ass!" I near shouted. "You told Bella an outright lie, which forced her to make a decision to leave while carrying my child. A child I don't even barely know because of your lie, and now here you are demanding I get over it sooner so we can move on like nothing happened!? Do you even hear yourself right now!?"
"If you can't forgive me, Jake...-then for the good of us all, I am asking you to leave the pack until you can. This animosity will only hurt our pack unity if we're not careful and I won't put any of us in harms way like that. As Alpha it's my job to make the hard calls and this is one of them."
"Sam, you can't mean that!" Billy added, his eyes wide like mine. "Jacob needs more than just a few days to process all this and work through things with you."
"Time isn't always on our side, Billy. Being part of a pack means placing them first, not yourself."
"You want me out of the pack? Fine- So be it, Sam." I bitterly told him.
"It's only temporary. Until we can work this out."
"-or until I take Alpha from you." I countered.
Sam's whole face went stony at this, his head tilting some in equal challenge to my statement.
"Be careful, Jake...-" He warned.
"Or what? That title belongs to me. It's my birthright. We both know it. Maybe it's time I step into that calling."
"You're nowhere near ready for that." He quipped in return.
"Who are you to tell me what I'm ready for?"
"Trust me when I tell you that you're not."
With that, he pushed back away from the table and left, his silence louder now than anything he'd spoken.
"Jake, tell me you're certain about what you just said?" Billy breathed, as the door slammed shut behind an irate Sam.
"I'm certain that I need to be able to trust my leader and I can't do that. So, where does that leave me? What he did changed the course of everything and I can't just forgive him for that. I was born for the Alpha role. It's in my blood. About time I take it."
A/N: Another chapter today. Please review. Side note: I've always believed in being transparent and honest with my readers. The truth is, I have been struggling some this Winter with seasonal depression. So, I ask you stick with me till I find my normal routine again. Thank you so much!