CHAPTER FIFTEEN
(JPOV)
I spent the better part of the day in my garage, taking out my frustrations on whatever I could get my hands on. I fixed a few parts on dads old truck that needed tending to and was covered in dirt and oil by the time noon rolled around.
Of all the things Sam and I had disagreed on, this was the worst. I felt betrayed by him and the trust we had was now severely broken. His outright deception had cost me something grave and I was so angry with him right now that I could hardly see straight.
I tore into the spare toolbox laying on the floor at my feet in search of the right wrench I needed before laying down under dads rusted out pickup and tinkering under there until the sun began to set.
Despite the cold temperatures, I had sweat clean through my shirt and tore it off before switching on the flood lamp to keep working as the night crept in. I was half way under the truck again before the faintest of whispers made my hands stop and my breathing halt.
"Jake?"
I closed my eyes briefly and ignored the flashbacks of memories that sweet voice always brought with it as the wind blew furiously outside.
I slid out from under the truck and stood to see her there at the door, her jacket zipped up tightly as she shivered from the prominent chill in the air.
For the briefest of moments, for the shortest flickers of time, it was as if nothing had changed, no years had lapsed, no deceit had taken place and all was right again. I wanted that ending for us more than I wanted my next breath of air, but that fairytale illusion vanished all too quickly when I thought of Sam.
Bella jumped some as the wind swiftly closed the door behind her then with a loud bang.
It was just another thing added to the already long list of them for me to fix around here. I tossed the wrench to the floor and caught hold of the door before it could hit the rickety wooden frame again, latching it securely with a solid tug and meeting her gaze there.
"I've been calling-..." She softly admitted.
"Sorry, my phone's dead in the house."
"I figured as much." She nodded in understanding.
"How did you know how to get here?" I asked.
"Billy told me. I may have called him when I couldn't reach you. Is he still here with you?"
"No, he left with Sue a few hours ago. It's just me. That's usually how it always is."
"What are you working on?" She timidly asked.
"Nothing specific. Dads truck needs a few things done. He left it here with me last week. Told him I'd get to it when I could. Figured now is as good a time as any-" I told her.
"He still has that one? Thought maybe he would have upgraded by now, or taken the rabbit. Did you retire that?" She mused.
"No, the rabbit is still kicking. I gave it to Seth. He has it now. Was a good first car for him. Sue wanted to pay me for it, but I told her to keep the money. She's done more than enough for dad and I over the years. Was the least I could do to repay some of it."
Bella nodded and looked around at the many varying parts and tools filling the small garage, and I could tell by the look on her face that her mind was taking her down the same road of memory lane as my own was.
"This garage looks a lot like the one you always had back at Billy's. Did you tear that one down?"
Her question stung more than it should have and it was hard for me to keep the visible wince off my face, before I turned and continued working with my answer barely audible now.
"You would ask me that-... no-... no, I didn't tear it down."
How could I? Some of the best memories I have with you are in that old garage.
Bella went mute at this, her short lived silence making me immediately regret my ill thought out answer. She soon hunkered down on the floor next to me, her slim fingers gliding curiously over the many tools laying there as she watched me tinker.
"You still love mechanic work." She noted.
"I do."
"Ever think about opening your own shop. That was a dream once if I do recall."
"Lots of things were dreams. Just never came to pass." I ground out, loosening the last of the rusted bolts with another firm turn of the wrench.
"I know the feeling-" She sighed, as she stood and started to leave.
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat at the sound of her opening the door again to go.
This wasn't fine. As much as we said we could be. We weren't fine. Too much had happened.
"Bella-..." I huffed out, getting to my feet and stopping her before she got too far. "Wait...- that wasn't-... I'm not-... I'm sorry- I'm not being fair here."
She paused and turned back to me, her eyes now filled with tears.
"Life isn't always fair, Jake. Believe me, I get it. Dreams fade. They die. They get pushed aside and forgotten or manipulated somehow."
I held her gaze and read the true remorse there. It mirrored every bit of my own.
"I'm trying here, Bells. I'm sorry- I really am."
"I know." She replied. "That's all we can do is try. Been a crazy Christmas."
"Been the best Christmas." I admitted, my tone thick with an emotion that I hadn't seen coming.
"For us, too. The best one in a really long time." She agreed, her tender hint of a smile enough to break some of the heavy tension between us. "It's okay to be angry with me now that you've had some time to yourself to think on everything. If I were in your shoes, I would be too."
"I've never been very good at staying angry with you." I told her. "Hurts like hell, Bella. I'd rather love you instead."
The words left my mouth before I could stop them. Before I could think better of it.
They were out there and there was no taking them back.
Bella's answer made the lump in my throat that much harder to ignore.
"You've always been pretty good at that. Even if it was hard for you to love me. You still did."
"Loving you was never hard for me. It was as easy as breathing. If you would have just let me back then. Things would have been so different. Aside from Sam, of course."
"We all made mistakes." She countered.
"He made the biggest." I bitterly added.
"I hope you two can still come together and work this out, Jake. He's your family." Bella sighed, opening the door to go. I moved faster than my mind had time to process as I crossed the small garage and stepped in front of her before she could take off.
There was so much more I wanted to tell her. So much more I needed to say and hear.
"So are you."
She froze at this, taking her hand off the door and stepping back as her doe eyes roamed over my face.
"Sarah is your family."
I swiftly closed the door and saw her eyes fall to my mouth when I spoke next.
"We made her together. Our love made her, and if that doesn't make us family, then I don't know what does."
I could feel the anxiousness coming off her in waves as we stood there face to face, her nerves evident when she drew her bottom lip between her teeth and took a steadying breath.
"Do you ever wish you could take it back? That night? With all the heartache and pain it caused." Bella asked.
"A million times I've wished for that. Until three days ago. Until I learned about Sarah. I don't wish that anymore." I managed.
"I wish I could turn back time."
"Same...-" I whispered to her in truth.
"Guess there's no sense in wishful thinking. We only have today." She replied. "Living on regret doesn't do much for either of us."
"I agree with you there." I sighed, moving out of her way so she could go if she pleased, even though that was the very last thing I wanted her to do.
"I've never wished that I could take it back."
"Because of Sarah-"
"Yes and no." She admitted to me.
"Care to elaborate?" I hedged.
"I remember being so torn the whole drive to the reservation that night. Torn and scared."
"Scared?" I disbelievingly questioned. "Scared of me, or scared of us."
"A little bit of both. I was afraid that if you were back, if you'd come back home, that you would have nothing but hatred left for me after getting that joke of a wedding invite in the mail. I was afraid if I saw that hatred on your face it would kill me and I didn't know what to do with that, but I kept driving anyway."
"I'm glad you did." I replied, as I picked up some of the tools and started to pack them away.
"Even now?"
"Yeah, even now."
"I remember everything about that night. Every detail."
Her words brought me up short as I closed the second toolbox and looked her way, her figure barely lit from the glow of the flood lamp while she stood just a few feet shy of within arms reach for me. It was pure torture. The kind of slow torture I was half convinced she wasn't even aware of.
"Everything?" I countered.
"All of it." She sighed.
I took a step toward her and caught sight of the slight shiver that touched her skin then, her body wound tight and full of the kind of stress I'd always hated to see in her.
She could belong to someone. For all she knew, I did too.
I reminded myself of this to stop my hands from reaching for her a beat longer and refocused my attention on the fact that she wasn't mine. She never really was.
"We were young. Nervous." I recalled then.
"We were perfect." She countered. "You were so steady and sure. Like you'd been waiting for me there all along."
"You had to know I'd come back. Before you married that leech. Somewhere... deep down, Bella...- some part of you must have known that."
"I hoped for it. Every day. Even if that made me as selfish as they come."
I swallowed hard once more and asked the question I'd been wanting the answer to since she'd disappeared over three years ago now.
"Did you love me then, Bells? That night, when we gave everything to each other. Did you love me?"
Bella's eyes filled with more tears as she held my gaze and tried to form a response.
"I-...I-..." She stammered, and it was enough of an answer for me.
"You should go now. I'm sure Sarah misses you." I forced out, trying to keep my tone as even as possible with her, despite the fact that her lack of response just now had sliced my heart wide open again. The pain was excruciating.
"Sarah is safe and sound with Charlie and I'm not leaving." She tearfully replied, approaching me as her emotion spilled down her ivory cheeks.
"I'm begging you, Bella." I choked out to her. "If you ever cared for me at all. Don't do this to me again. Don't make me believe in something that-"
"I loved you then. I love you still." She admitted, hurriedly closing the distance between us, her breath ghosting my lips with her words. "I have never stopped loving you, Jake."
Her presence overwhelmed me. Her smell, her words, her body that close to mine again. It was all more than I could stand.
With a tenderness that mended the severed pieces of my broken heart, she drew my lips to hers in a sensual kiss that threatened to knock down the walls I'd built up in her absence.
Never letting anyone get too close.
Keeping them at arms length was better. It had to be.
Promising myself over and over that I would never put myself in that position again.
The hurt was too damn much.
Her lips tasted like heaven and when she pulled back I nearly groaned at the loss of contact.
"I am not here to play games with you. I came back because I love you. I want you. I want the life we were meant to have before-"
She didn't get to finish her thought as her lips tentatively grazed mine again, making my skin heat and my heart pound to match hers.
I reclaimed her mouth and kissed her thoroughly as a needy moan left her.
My hands soon tangled in her long locks and in the next minute, I was bursting through my cabin door with her legs wrapped around my waist and her breathy whisper in my ear.
"Make love to me, Jake. Please-... Please."
A/N: Thank you for all those who are still with me for this seasonal story. This will be a short story, so only a few more chapters till it's finished. Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts. Thank you and stay well! HAPPY READING!
A/N