CHAPTER 14

Maddy looked up at the entrance to the funeral home with a sense of overwhelming sadness. She knew she would be going inside to say goodbye to her father for the last time. After today, she would never see his kind, caring, handsome face again. She felt utterly alone in spite of the presence of Matt, Jace, Em and Kelly. Without them, she would have been in a worse state than she was.

"You can do this, Maddy. All of us will be right behind you," said Matt, rubbing his hand up and down her back. She looked at the four faces that surrounded her, all of them full of love and support and concern for her. It was at that moment that she knew Matt was right...she could do this. Finn had insisted on walking, so Matt was holding his hand and Jackson was holding Wyatt in his car seat. These were the people that she loved the most in the world and they all loved her. She couldn't think of anyone else being with her to help her get through this day.

"Thank you all for being here. It means the world to me and to Dad, too. He loved you guys as much as I do," she said, taking a tissue from her purse and wiping her cheeks.

"And we loved him too, Mads," said Em, with tears streaming down her face.

"OK, let's do this," said Maddy, taking a deep breath and walking up the front steps of the building. As she approached the heavy oak door, it unexpectedly opened.

"Hello, Madeleine. Please come in," said the funeral director. Kevin Brackett had been the director of Lakeview Funeral Home for the last four years, taking it over from his father when he retired. She and Matt had gone to high school with him. She remembered him as friendly, polite and soft spoken and knowing him made planning her father's funeral a little easier.

"Hi, Kevin. You remember Matt, don't you?" she said as everyone in her party filed in behind her. Matt stuck his hand out and shook Kevin's hand.

"Hey, Kevin," said Matt.

"Matt Casey, all of us at Lincoln High always knew that you and Madeleine would end up together."

"Eventually," said Matt, with a big smile on his face.

"Who is everyone else, if I may ask?" said Kevin, looking at the group that had walked in with Maddy.

"This is Emily Morrison, my best friend, and her boyfriend, Kelly Severide. Kelly is also a firefighter at 51 with Matt," said Maddy. "And this little guy holding Matt's hand is our son, Finn," said Maddy, patting him on his little blonde head.

"And this gentleman here?" asked Kevin, looking at Jace who was standing behind everyone else, but towering a full head over them.

"This is Jackson Walker, my first husband and our son, Wyatt," said Maddy. Kevin looked nonplussed by her introduction as he stuck out his hand to shake Jace's, which relieved her. It was going to be a difficult enough day and she didn't want to have to explain any of the details about her screwed up life. Kevin led them all into the room where her father's casket was set up for the viewing. Maddy could feel her legs go weak as she approached the casket.

"We'll give you and Casey some time alone with your Dad," said Em, as she started to turn to leave the room.

"No, Em...you're all family. I want all of you here with us," replied Maddy. Em nodded silently and followed behind them. Matt was still holding onto Finn's hand when he reached out with his other hand to grab Maddy's. She gripped it tightly as the three of them approached the side of the casket.

"You first, baby," said Matt, letting go of her hand. She stepped up to the casket and gazed down at her father's face. He looked peaceful, as if he were in a restful sleep, free of worry or pain or grief. Maddy supposed that he was finally at rest of all the things that had been burdening him for years. She had picked out his favorite gray suit and stark white shirt to bury him in, with his favorite pink tie and matching handkerchief. She had bought those for him for his birthday when she was sixteen years old. She remembered Matt telling her that men don't wear pink and that she should buy him another color. She smiled softly at the memory of it and the memory of a certain pink t-shirt that had been given to her by another man in another life. That other man was standing behind her now, holding their infant son. How she wished that she could talk to her father one more time. She wanted to share a cup of tea with him and some of her freshly baked cookies. His favorite was always her chocolate chip cookie. It didn't matter what new recipe she had tried. He always asked for chocolate chips, which is why she always had some on hand. She wanted to pour her heart out to him and have him give her the sage advice he always did, but she knew those days were over. She knelt down at the side of the casket, clasped her hands in front of her and began to pray.

"Dear Lord, please take care of this man and welcome him into your flock. He means more to me than anyone else in this world and if you saw fit to take him from this life, then please, take good care of him and watch over those that he loved.

"Daddy, I miss you more than I could ever say. I know you're free of the pain and fear of having a bad heart and I am happy that you are at peace. You're with Mom now and that's right where you want to be, but I still want you here with me. I have so much I want to say to you, so many things that I need your guidance on. I can only pray that you're watching over me and guiding me as I work through the mess I've made.

"Thank you for always believing in me, even when I disappointed you...and thank you for being proud of me in spite of my failures. You are the best man I've ever known and the best Dad a girl could ever hope for. I love you, Daddy...now and always."

Matt handed Finn to Em and stepped up behind Maddy. She was crying. He could tell by the way her head was bowed and her shoulders were softly shaking. She adored her father and he knew she would need his support for the next few weeks. He would do anything to have more of a presence in Maddy's life right now. He wished it could be for anything else but the death of her father. He had adored her father, too. He had been his role model on how to be a good Dad. His own father was a violent drunk that never taught him anything except how to keep dirty little secrets. He felt Jim's passing deeply. They would need each other over the next few weeks. He gently touched her shoulder with his hand. She immediately stood up and turned around to look at him. She said nothing as she wrapped her arms around his neck and quietly wept on his shoulder.

"I'm here, baby. I'm right here," Matt said softly.

Jace shifted his weight from one leg to the other, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He knew Matt was only offering Madeleine some comfort, but it still unsettled him. He didn't enjoy watching him stroke her hair or kiss the top of her head. He wanted to be the one she turned to. He had to suppress the urge to take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her. He wanted to tell her what her father had said to him before he died, but he knew that would only cause her more distress. He wanted to be her husband. He wanted her. He silently watched as she let go of Matt and turned to look at the others in the room. Her eyes momentarily locked on his, making his heart stop. A soft smile crossed her face as she gazed at him. He knew she still loved him. If only she would come to the conclusion that she belonged with him. Maybe in time, she would. Now was not the time to perseverate on it. Madeleine had more important things to deal with. His eyes continued to follow her as she took a seat on one of the chairs that lined one side of the room. In spite of the fact that she had been crying, she looked beautiful. She was dressed in a two piece black ensemble with a long skirt and fitted top with pearl buttons and sheer black sleeves. Her blonde hair was twisted up into a chignon and simple pearl earrings adorned her ears. She dabbed her eyes with a tissue as she watched her son say goodbye to his grandfather. He was thankful that Wyatt was too young to know the heartache of losing a loved one. Then again, he was saddened that his own son would never know the kind, thoughtful man that was Jim Coventry.

Matt took Finn from Em's arms and brought him up to the side of the casket with him. He held him as he kneeled down and began to pray. Finn grabbed the side of the casket and gazed into it. Matt whispered something into his ear, then held him so his face was close to his grandfather's. Finn leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Bye, Gampa. I love you," he said.

"Grandpa loves you too, Finny," said Matt.

Maddy wiped tears from her cheeks as she watched her husband and little boy say their prayers and their goodbyes to her father. She glanced around the room until her eyes settled on Em. She was also crying. Kelly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close to him, offering her some comfort. Then her eyes landed on Jace. It felt as though her heart stopped beating for a split second, taking her breath away. He was a physically imposing man, but his face was softened by his own grief. He had loved her father from almost the moment he met him and it was no surprise that he was saddened over his death. He looked handsome in his dark blue suit, starched white shirt and pink and black striped tie. He was the other man that didn't have a problem wearing pink. She had learned early on in their relationship that Jackson Walker was not the kind of man to worry about what other people thought about him wearing pink. He had told her when they first met that he was secure in his masculinity and he was. He definitely was.

She continued to watch him as he looked down at Wyatt in his carrier. The baby was still asleep and Jace gently rocked him. In spite of Jace's efforts, she knew he would be waking up soon to nurse. She felt a sob catch in her throat as she thought about how her father had such a limited time with his grandsons. Finn would barely remember him and Wyatt would never know who he was. She was thankful that he got to spend the time he did with them, but it wasn't nearly long enough. She was eighteen and getting ready to go away to college when her grandmother Maeve passed away and even then, she wished that she'd had a longer time with her. Maeve was her father's mother and she adored her. Her grandmother on her mother's side was an entirely different story. Cora Miller was a cold, unemotional woman who rarely saw her grandchildren and Maddy liked it that way because she remembered being scared of her. Her gray hair was pulled back into a tight bun, making her wrinkled face seem even more severe. Her tightly pursed lips rarely opened unless it was to yell demands at the people around her. Maddy remembered thinking that she looked like a witch. All she needed was a broom and a big black hat to complete the look.

The sound of Wyatt's unmistakable wails suddenly pierced the stillness of the room and summoned her out of her quiet reflection. She watched as Jace reached down and picked him up out of the carrier and held him against his chest. He gave her a knowing look as he got up and walked towards her with Wyatt in tow.

"You're on, Momma. Is there another place you'd rather do this?" said Jace, looking around the room. She pointed to one of the couches against the far wall of the room.

"We can go there. It'll be more comfortable and calling hours don't start for another half hour, so we should have some privacy," she said. Jace followed her to the couch and kneeled down in front of it. Maddy took a blanket out of the diaper bag and spread it out on the seat next to her. Jace laid the baby down and changed his diaper before handing him to Maddy. She unbuttoned her top and positioned Wyatt at the breast until he was latched on and happily suckling away. Jace folded up the blanket and tucked it back inside the diaper bag before sitting down next to her. He watched in awe as she fed their baby boy.

"Thank you for your help, Jace. You're a good Papa," she said.

"And you're an incredible Momma," he countered. 'How are you holding up?" he asked, as he leaned back against the back of the couch.

"As well as can be expected," she said. "I'm glad you're all here with me."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, baby," he said. She reached over and squeezed his hand, smiling softly at him. Every single time she had looked at him since the day they met, his heart melted. She would always be the only woman he would ever love and nothing would ever change that. As they sat and watched their son nurse, Jace's cell phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his breast pocket.

"I have to take this, Cook.. I'll be right back," he said, kissing the back of her hand before getting up from the couch. She watched him as he walked back towards the front door and out onto the large wrap around porch. She watched with silent admiration at how his long, dark, wavy hair cascaded over his shoulders and swayed across his broad back as he moved. He had told her he never wanted to cut his hair short again because his long hair was a reminder of how he survived in the desert at the hands of brutal people. He felt it was part of his strength and that he might lose that if he were to cut it. She had to admit that it gave him an even more heightened air of command and confidence than he already had.

Matt watched as Jace got up from the couch and left the room. He picked up Finn and headed towards the couch where Maddy was seated. She was still feeding the baby when he sat down next to her. He put Finn on his lap, who almost immediately laid his head on his chest and closed his eyes. He was holding on tight to his favorite blanket with the fire trucks on it and was asleep within minutes.

"He's out," said Matt, looking down at his sleeping son. "How are you doing, baby?"

"I'm okay at the moment. I'm not sure how I'll be once viewing hours start and people start pouring in," she said as she reached down and pulled out the blanket that Jace had tucked inside the diaper bag. She draped it over her left shoulder, then positioned Wyatt on top of it to be burped. She rubbed his back and patted him gently until he released a large bubble that echoed through the room. They looked at each other and began to silently giggle.

"He sounds a lot like Em," said Matt. Maddy nodded her head in agreement and tried in vain to stifle her giggles.

"It's good to see that smile again," said Matt, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. She continued to smile softly at him, thankful that he was there with her.

"It feels good, too, although I'm not sure that today is an appropriate day to be smiling," she said as she continued to rub the baby's back.

"Maddy, it's okay to find a little joy here and there, even when you're grieving," said Matt. She put the baby back in his seat, tucked the blanket back in the diaper bag and buttoned up her top.

"That's the second time someone has told me that same thing," she said. She was smiling, but her green eyes were rimmed in red. He reached his hand up to the side of her neck and looked into those eyes, like he had done a thousand times before. He wanted to pull her in close, kiss her lips and reassure her that everything was going to be alright. Maddy was a strong woman, but not as strong as she would have liked everyone to believe. A part of her was still that girl with the French braid and glasses that he ran into in the school library that day…scared, vulnerable and a little unsure of herself. Even through all the recent upheaval in their lives, a part of her still belonged to him and he cherished that. That was a part of her that Walker could never have.

"We're about ready to start, Maddy. There are a couple of dozen firefighters milling around in the parking lot waiting to come in," said Kevin, gently touching her arm and drawing her attention to him. She nodded her head then turned to look at Matt.

"Show time. Are you okay with Finn or do you want Em to take him?" she said as she rose up from the couch.

"I've got him. I'll be right behind you," he said. She nodded, then picked up the infant seat and walked towards the front of the room. He held tight to Finn as he got up off the couch and made his way to the bank of chairs that were designated for the family. Kevin had retreated to the front door, opening it for the guests that were beginning to trickle in. All of them were firefighters from House 51 from all three shifts and they had on their dress blues. Maddy could feel a lump form in her throat as they slowly filed in to pay their respects. They all shook Matt's free hand and hugged her as they made their way towards the casket, offering words of comfort to her as they passed. When they had all paid their respects, the firefighters and paramedics from Matt's shift took seats throughout the room. Finn started to wake up, so Em gingerly took him from Matt's arms.

"Go with Auntie Em, buddy. Mommy and Daddy will be right here," whispered Matt to his son. He nodded sleepily as Em hoisted the toddler onto her hip.

"How's about Auntie Em take you to the potty, then we'll have a snack and read some of your favorite stories? Sound good, Finnster?" said Em as she carried him away to give his parents a little reprieve.

"She's really good with him, isn't she?" whispered Matt, leaning in close to Maddy.

"Yeah, she is. They're best buddies, those two," replied Maddy. He reached down and took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. As they both looked up, they saw Jackson approaching the front of the room.

"I have a little surprise for you, baby. I hope you won't mind," he said, taking her free hand in his. He motioned towards the back of the room with his other hand. Kevin opened the door and a large, burly man dressed in black jeans, shirt and vest and wearing mirrored sunglasses and dark brown Stetson, stepped inside. She recognized him as Jackson's brother, Junior. He was holding someone's hand, who followed in closely behind him. When Maddy saw the unmistakable blonde hair, her breath caught in her throat. When the young girl's eyes landed on Maddy, she let go of Junior's hand and quickened her pace towards where Maddy was standing.

"Oh, Momma," she said, through her sobs, as she wrapped her arms around Maddy.

"Harper," she replied, feeling her own tears fall. She enveloped her daughter in her arms, both of them crying softly as they held tight to each other. Maddy looked up at Jace, softly mouthing the words "thank you" to him. As he nodded at her, she noticed that a few tears had fallen onto the big man's cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Momma. I wish I had been here for you when Grandpa died," she said, lifting her head and wiping her face with her hands.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I would have loved it if you were here, but I had plenty of people around me. Your father was one of them," she said, brushing the tears off of her daughter's cheeks. Harper took notice of the man standing next to Maddy. He had been silently watching the three of them.

"Harper, this is my husband, Matt," said Maddy, motioning towards Matt. Harper stepped in front of him and looked him straight in the eye. Matt was unnerved by the fact that she looked exactly like Maddy did when they first met…the long blonde hair, blue eyes instead of green, but still beautiful and the direct stare. She was the mirror image of her mother and he couldn't help but be moved by her.

"Hi, Mr. Casey," she said, wrapping her arms around him and giving him a hug.

"Hi, Harper. It's nice to meet you," said Matt, returning her embrace. Maddy watched Matt's face closely. Even though he seemed okay, she knew part of him had to be feeling a little unsettled. Jace laid his hand on her shoulder and gently guided her away. Junior stepped in front of Matt and introduced himself. Matt shook his hand firmly before he moved in front of Maddy.

"Maddy honey, I am so sorry," he said, pulling her into an embrace. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and thanked him for coming and for bringing Harper.

"It means a lot to me to have her here," she said. He smiled and nodded his head before taking a seat next to Harper and Jace in the front row that was reserved for family and close friends. She glanced over at Matt.

"I didn't know that Harper was going to be here or I would have told you," said Maddy.

"It's okay, baby. She has just as much right to be here as any of us do. Besides, she looks so much like you did when we first met. Seeing her brought me back to that time," he said. A sad smile crossed his face and Maddy instinctively brought her hand up to cup his cheek. She leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on the opposite cheek. At that moment, she knew that she could stand strong for the rest of the day, no matter what happened.

When they were finally at the end of the first allotted time for viewing hours, Maddy and Matt were able to sit and relax. Seeing all of the firefighters and people from City Hall that came to pay their respects to her father had helped Maddy a great deal. It was comforting to know so many of them had known and respected her father. She had listened to a dozen different stories about him in the last couple of hours, filled with humor and a sense of deep admiration. It had lifted her spirits tremendously, which bolstered her comfort level about the next scheduled set of viewing hours. She and Matt had taken their seats in the front row as the last of the guests left. Father Sorenson from St. Anthony's Catholic Church had taken his place at the front of the room near the casket, preparing to give a short service for the seven of them when they heard the familiar squeak of the front door to the funeral home. All of them turned around in unison to see Gabby Dawson standing in the open doorway, holding an infant carrier. Maddy's face drained of blood, turning white as a sheet.

"What the hell is she doing here?" she whispered to Matt, trying to keep herself from getting up and confronting her.

"I don't know, but I'll find out," he said, getting up and swiftly walking to the back of the room. He intercepted Gabby at the halfway point.

"Why in God's name are you here, Gabby?"

"I came to pay my respects, Matt."

"The hell you are! You didn't even know Jim Coventry. You're trying to purposely upset Maddy. You have no right to be here, so please leave," he hissed.

"Don't you even want to see your daughter, Matt?" Her voice was loud and echoed throughout the parlor, making everyone who was seated turn around and look at her.

"Now is not the time or place, Gabby…and you know that," he said, taking her firmly by the arm and leading her back towards the door.

"Of course, Matt. Everything is always about that bitch! It's never me or your daughter you think of first!" she shouted, just before he guided her out onto the porch.

"The way I see it, you're the bitch, Gabby. What kind of person comes to someone's father's wake with the main purpose of upsetting her? You need help, now get the hell away from us!" he hissed between clenched teeth.

"You'll pay for this, Matt. Both of you," she said, just before turning and walking down the front stairs. Matt watched her to make sure she got into her car and drove away. The afternoon heat was becoming oppressive and he wiped the perspiration from his face with his hands to compose himself before going back inside. He had to make sure Maddy was okay, but he had to appear calm and collected first. He didn't want her to see him looking flustered or angry. She needed to know that he had taken control of the situation without so much as a feather being ruffled. He straightened his tie before turning to go back inside, only to see Maddy in tears and Walker seated beside her with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. He managed to keep his anger in check as he walked towards the front of the room.

"I'm here, baby. I'll always be here for you," said Jace, gently rubbing her arm and pulling her in close to him.

"So will I," said Matt, directing his gaze at Jace. Jace looked up, never breaking his gaze as he kissed Maddy on the side of her head. He slowly rose up from the chair that Matt had vacated to deal with Gabby. Matt immediately sat down and wrapped his arms around his wife. Maddy laid her head on his shoulder and held him tight, helping him to suppress the urge to remind Walker of that fact.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I had no idea she would show up here. I didn't think she was capable of something like this, but she's gone now," said Matt, kissing her on top of her head. Maddy lifted her face to look at him, her eyes rimmed in red. She wiped her face with a crumpled up tissue she had in her hand, then turned her eyes back to him.

"Thank you," she said, barely above a whisper. Then she unexpectedly placed her lips on his and gave him a soft kiss. Her hands grabbed the lapels of his suit coat as she continued to kiss him. He placed his hand on the side of her neck, kissing her back. His body was hungry for the taste of her mouth and the feel of her body pressed against his, but he kept himself from taking the kiss any deeper. He only hoped that Walker was witnessing it. When their lips finally parted, he was disappointed to see Walker was involved with Harper and Wyatt. The baby was beginning to fuss and Jace was showing Harper how to hold him. When the baby couldn't be soothed, he got up from his seat and approached them.

"I know you're upset, Cook…but Wyatt wants to eat again. Are you okay to do this now?" he said, kneeling down in front of her. He touched her knee with his hand, making Matt see red. He wished to God he could quell these feelings of anger and resentment towards Walker, but he doubted he ever would. He was confident that he would be able to deal with Walker being Wyatt's father, but he would never reconcile the fact that he had married Maddy first. He wanted to be that man, but his fucked up family had derailed that dream.

"I'm fine, Jace. Matt handled it. Besides, the little glutton that is your son won't wait when he's hungry," said Maddy, patting Jace's hand that was resting on her knee. Jace stood up, extended his hand to her and helped her stand up. She smoothed her outfit and touched the back of her head to check her hair as both he and Matt stared at her. In spite of her face giving away the grief and anger she felt, they were astonished at how composed she seemed. They were both captivated by how beautiful she still managed to look after having cried, regardless of the telltale redness around her eyes. They watched as she walked over to Harper and picked up the diaper bag. Harper started to hand her the baby.

"Can you carry your baby brother and follow me?" she asked. Harper enthusiastically nodded her head, with a huge smile breaking across her face. She practically jumped to her feet as she followed Maddy out of the parlor and into a more private space to nurse. Matt watched as Jace followed them. Seeing the four of them together only further reinforced Matt's determination to move back home. They looked more like a family than he had anticipated. He felt that the life he knew was slipping away from him, slowly but surely, and he vowed to do everything in his power to secure his position in Maddy's life. She was still his wife and the word "divorce" hadn't been bandied about since their lives fell apart. That had to mean something. For Matt, it meant everything.