CHAPTER 20

Jace paced back and forth across the plush carpeting of his bedroom like a caged lion. He wouldn't be surprised to see he had worn away the fibers in a distinct path in front of the bed. This was the second time in as many weeks that Madeleine had made him fighting mad. He searched his mind, trying to figure out why she had said the things that she did. He knew damn well that she still loved him. Her feelings for him were obvious whenever they were together. The way she leaned her body into his whenever they spoke told him everything he needed to know. The look on her face whenever their eyes locked was unmistakable. It was the same way she had looked at him during those few days in Mexico when they first fell in love. How she could say that no man was worth her time was implausible. She may have fooled her psychiatrist, but he wasn't fully convinced of it. It was like she was purposely trying to piss him off. Christ, maybe she was. Was she attempting to put distance between them so she could make the easiest and most convenient choice? It certainly made sense. Going back to her husband would be choosing the path of least resistance. He was fully aware that going back to a life with him would mean a tremendous amount of change and upheaval for her and Finn. He didn't give two shits about how it affected Matt Casey. That sonofabitch didn't deserve to have her. He was astonished at Madeleine's lack of fight and determination in this process. It was like she was giving up and doing what was easiest. This wasn't the Madeleine Coventry he had met in Cancun and had been married to for a year. The Madeleine he knew was headstrong and not afraid of a challenge. There was a reason he called her his feisty little filly, but that reason seemed to no longer exist and that added to his already tremendous sense of loss. Her ability to stand up for herself and others was one of the many reasons he had fallen in love with her.

He sat down on the end of the bed and rubbed his left thigh. He had been on his feet for too long, putting pressure on the already overtaxed muscles. He tried to work those muscles every day in the gym, but without the support of his calf bone and surrounding muscles, sometimes just excessive walking put an additional strain on his leg. He had a top of the line prosthetic. It was the best that money could buy, but it still came with certain physical limitations. He was six foot four and weighed in at two forty and those two factors alone were enough to make his leg rebel. He ached from his hip down to his stump. He was only forty-five years old, but right now, he felt like he was ninety. Most days, he felt as virile as he ever had, but days like this that were filled with emotional stress and strenuous physical activity, took its toll.

What added to his current aggravated state was that he hadn't heard back from his buddy at the Ft. Worth recruiting office. It had been more than two weeks since their visit and he had expected to hear from him by now. If he could get the answers he was seeking, he might have been able to find a little more peace these days. He opened the drawer in the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of ibuprofen. He dumped four of the pills into his hand and walked into the bathroom. He filled a glass with water and swallowed the pills down, cursing the doctor in Houston who had refused to give him a prescription for a stronger painkiller. He had told Jace before he was discharged that he would have to learn to live without narcotics because of his addictive tendencies. He wasn't wrong, but on days like this when his pain was in high gear, he wished to God he had been. He turned around and began to run some water in the clawfoot tub, thinking that a hot soak would help to ease the pain.

As he undressed, he was painfully reminded of another ache in his body. It was an ache that couldn't be eased by a hot bath. It was his desire for Madeleine. His still body craved hers. It had since the moment they first touched seventeen years ago. Even though he was angry at her now and was in considerable physical discomfort, the one constant, tacit thought in his head was about taking her in his arms, carrying her to his king-sized bed and making love to her. He needed to feel her skin next to his. It had always soothed the savage beast inside of him and that beast had reared its ugly head a short time ago. He slipped into the bath, feeling the sting of the hot water and the immediate reflex of his muscles tightening in response to the heat level. He eased himself down until he was fully submerged, then leaned his head back against the porcelain and closed his eyes. The tightening of his muscles eventually relaxed. As the tension left his body, images of her filled his head, his anger at her slowly dissipating. He recalled the Sunday morning last year when they had taken a bath together. It was the morning after they had made love for the first time since he returned from the dead. He would never forget how her naked body felt against his or the love they shared that night and the next morning in the bath. She was so tender and loving during that last twenty-four hours they were together before she walked away from him and back to Matt Casey. He would never forget the way she made him feel during the time she stayed with him. She restored his soul and he finally felt like a whole man again.

He smiled to himself, remembering how Wyatt was conceived that night. It was something that was totally unexpected, especially since he had been told he was sterile. He wished that Madeleine had been upfront about him being the father when she had come to Texas last October. When he thought the baby was Casey's, it tore him up inside. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that she had gone back to her husband's arms after being with him. It was only after he had attempted to take his life that she revealed who was the real father of her baby.. He had been in a coma, but he had heard every word she said to him. It was what had given him the will to live his life again. He remembered the look on her face when he showed up at the hospital the day after the baby was born. It wasn't a look of fear or even one of surprise; it was a look that they had shared many times…the look of being deeply in love with each other. It was unmistakable. It had been since they first laid eyes on each other. In her heart, Madeleine had to have known why he had shown up unexpectedly that day. He could see it written on her face. Even though his asking about Wyatt's paternity had sent her life with her husband into a tailspin, he instinctively knew that she was relieved that it had been brought out into the open. The burden of it must have been heavy for her to carry.

"Goddamn it!" he yelled, banging his fist on the side of the tub, making the water splash over the side. If Madeleine could see the way clearly and come back to him, his life would be whole again. He covered his face with his hands and tried to stop the constant thoughts in his head that were about her. They were getting him nowhere. He picked up the bar of soap and lathered it in his hands. He rubbed the suds on his beard, then combed it through before snipping at it with a pair of scissors. As expected, his mind went back to last October when Madeleine had trimmed his beard while he was in the bath. She had told him he looked like a vagrant and she wasn't wrong. He was a complete train wreck back then. It was only her love, determination and compassion that got him through it. How he wished he had been stronger emotionally to handle her going back to Chicago to live her life with her husband and children. But if he hadn't tried to take his life, he may have never known that the baby she was carrying was his. She would have given birth to Wyatt without him ever knowing he was the baby's father. He finished trimming up, then rinsed the soap from his beard. He washed his hair and thought briefly about giving it a trim, too. He vowed he would never have short hair again, but it was longer than it had been in some time. He wouldn't be able to reach behind him and get the back of it without hacking it up. He wished Madeleine was here to do it for him. He wished Madeleine was here, period.

"I just can't stop," he said, covering his face with his hands again, giving in to the pervasiveness she had in his life. As he stood up to dry himself, his cell phone rang. He was hoping it was Madeleine, but was happy to see it was his friend Joe from the recruiting office.

"Hey, Joey…talk to me, buddy. Tell me something I want to hear," he said.

"I think you might be happy about the results of my research, big guy," said his friend. A smile suddenly broke out across Jace's face as he listened to Joe tell him what he had found out. Maybe…just maybe…things were working in his favor this time.

Maddy walked up the sidewalk towards the big, imposing brick office building, passing the "Bledsoe, Julian & Masters, Esq." sign that stood prominently out front by the road. She had been putting off this visit to her father's lawyer's office for weeks. It was as if the reading of his will would be the final act of her father's life. It was the last vestige of his life and she wasn't ready to let go of it yet. It was like putting a period on the end of a sentence that she was ready to complete. Between her therapy appointments, taking care of the house and kids, Matt's schedule and a hundred other things, it had been near impossible to find a date and time that worked for everyone. As she walked up the stairs, she suddenly panicked. Without the baby or Finn in tow, she felt like she had forgotten an essential part of herself, like an arm or a leg. She had allotted two hours for this visit so she could be back to the house on time to nurse Wyatt. He was three months old now and was going a little longer between feedings, giving her some additional free time in the day.

She pulled the heavy wooden door to the building open, then stepped inside. She walked up to the receptionist's desk and told the woman seated behind the desk who she was and with whom she had an appointment. The young woman greeted her warmly, then scanned the appointment book for her name. She got up from her seat and told Maddy to follow her. They made their way down a large, brightly lit hallway, lined with pairs of chairs sitting in front of the doors to offices. They stopped at one of the doors midway down the hall. The nameplate on the front read "Robert Julian, Esq." Maddy had met her father's lawyer just once before. She had come with her father to this same office when he had made changes to his will. After her mother passed away, her father made her sole beneficiary. At the time, she had no idea that after her mother's cancer treatments and other expenses were paid for, the remaining money he received from the Walker family would be put away in a special account, accruing interest as the years passed. She had little knowledge of these types of things and although she remembered her mother's fight with cancer, she had remained somewhat detached from it all. As she thought back now, she understood that detachment had been a result of the shock treatments she received in the mental hospital several years before when she left Texas and came back north. She shook the memory of it out of her head as the receptionist pushed the buzzer outside of the office.

"Mr. Masters, Madeleine Casey is here to see you. You have an appointment with her at one o'clock," she said.

"Yes, bring her in," crackled a voice from the speaker. The woman turned the gold door handle and pushed it open, allowing Maddy to step inside. Two black and silver chairs were situated in front of a large sleek black desk with silver trim, which sat in front of a large paned window. Behind the desk was Robert Julian, her father's lawyer. Although he looked familiar to her, his hair had gone from jet black to grey over the years. As Maddy approached the desk, he stood up and extended his hand to her.

"Madeleine Coventry, it's been a long time," he said, gently gripping her hand in his.

"It's Madeleine Casey now, Mr. Julian. Thank you for seeing me on a Saturday," she said.

"Of course! It's no problem. Please, make yourself comfortable. Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?" Maddy shook her head and took a seat in front of his desk.

"I'm sure you were a little taken aback at your father's financial status at the time of his death," he said, opening the file that was sitting in front of him.

"I definitely was. I'm sorry it took so long to contact you. I have been a little preoccupied since my father passed."

"Perfectly understandable. Shall we get right to it, then?" He thumbed through a few pages before landing on the exact page he was looking for. "The long and the short of it is…because of your father's wise investments and what is in his will, you are a wealthy woman, Mrs. Casey. Your three children will also have quite a secure future."

"My father always lived such a modest life, Mr. Julian. He never lived like a rich man. It's a little hard to absorb."

"Your father wanted the best for his family, Madeleine. He was in a state of turmoil when he and your mother accepted that money from the Walker family. He vowed that once your mother's treatments were paid for, he would make sure you were taken care of, including any other children you might have. He also put money aside for your daughter, even though she was well taken care of by Preston Walker, Jr. He was a very thoughtful and giving man."

"You don't have to tell me that, Mr. Julian. My father was the best man I've ever known in my entire life." She pulled a crumpled tissue out of her purse and dabbed her eyes.

"After the funeral expenses that weren't covered by insurance and few outstanding debts were paid, you have been left a substantial amount of money. He also left the house and his car to you. They are both paid off, so you can sell them, if you so desire."

"May I ask how much money he left for me, not including the money he set aside for the kids."

"Roughly $600,000.00," he stated. "There are a few legal documents you have to sign, but I can have the money transferred to your account later today."

Maddy's head was spinning. Her father was always very unassuming, in spite of the money he had in his bank account. He had shown her the agreement with the Walkers that he had signed just a short time before he died, but she never read it. She told him then that she had trusted him to make the wisest decision he could, given the circumstances. When it was revealed that Jackson was Wyatt's father and Matt and she had separated, he had seemed desperate to tell her everything that had transpired back when she was hospitalized in Texas. She had reassured him that she understood why he and her mother did what they did. Her mother was sick and in need of medical treatment that they couldn't afford and the Walkers were a powerful, wealthy family. He only did what he felt was best for everyone concerned.

"That would be fine, I guess. This is a little overwhelming to take in, to be honest."

"I can tell by the look on your face, Mrs. Casey. Here are the forms you'll need to fill out. This one is asking for your bank account information. Just complete these and I will take care of the rest," he said, handing her a stack of papers and a pen. When she was finished, she handed them back to the lawyer, then shook his hand before she left his office.

"Thank you for your time. I appreciate the assistance you've given me with all of this. I'd be lost without it," she said.

"It's my pleasure, Mrs. Casey. Besides, it's my job to help you. Should you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to give me a call. I can give you advice with any investments you'd like to make, as well. Have a great afternoon."

She walked back to her car, still feeling slightly dazed. It was astounding news, but not news she would readily share with just anyone. If she told Em about this, she knew Em would immediately make plans for the two of them to travel around Europe or some other ridiculous scheme that she would come up with. Matt was with her the day she found her father's bank book, so he already had an inkling of the amount of money he had left her. She supposed she should confirm it with him, since it effectively let him off the hook for supporting her for the next year. She would have to be careful how she phrased things. She didn't want to insult him or his offer. His offer to support her and the boys had come mostly from the heart and she didn't want to break it anymore than it already was.

This money would give her true independence. She wouldn't have to rely on a man or his money to be able to be a full-time mother to her children. Asking Jace for child support seemed like a moot point now. She felt a tremendous sense of relief, knowing that she could stand on her own two feet. She just wasn't sure what reaction the two men in her life would have over the news. They were both proud, stubborn men. While Matt's offer was a generous one, she still felt it would be a condition of him moving back home. How could she ask him to support her while they were living apart? It wouldn't be fair to him and she wasn't ready to let Matt back into her life full-time, especially after the ridiculous claims he made last Sunday. He had to come to terms with living in Jace's formidable shadow if he truly wanted to be in her life.

She doubted that Jace would give her any flack over this. He would be happy for her and thrilled that she was making this decision. For him, it would be a sign that his feisty little filly was back. He would still have a presence in her life and knowing him, he would probably still try to offer her anything she needed. She also knew him well enough to be absolutely certain that he would try to convince her to come back to him, especially if she had made the conscious decision not to reunite with Matt. She also knew herself well enough to realize that his persuaviness could be difficult to resist. She was drawn to him more than she was willing to admit, but it was obvious whenever she was around him. She couldn't stop herself. She never could from the day they first met. It had felt like they were supposed to be together and it still did, no matter how much she tried to fight it. Back when they were married, it gave her a sense of comfort to know that she was with the man she was meant to be with. But now, it only served to complicate her life even more than it already was.

As she drove home, she began formulating her plan. Since she already had a fairly new and reliable vehicle, one of the first things she would do would be to sell her father's car. Next, she would be contacting someone to remodel her parents' house to bring it up to date and suitable for her and all of her children, including Harper. It had four bedrooms, but one was used for her father's office and another was used for storage, which consisted mostly of the medical equipment from her mother's illness. It had two bathrooms upstairs and one half bath off the kitchen. She already had preliminary plans in her head for redoing the kitchen and expanding the master bedroom. As she pulled into her driveway, she felt a sense of peace and huge relief at finally coming to a decision that she was comfortable with. This would be the best thing for everyone. She would be home with her babies and would still have Matt and Jace in her life. They would give her some much needed emotional support instead of financial support and that brought a big smile to her face.

She suddenly thought about Em, who was inside with the boys. As she walked up the front steps, she made the decision not to tell her about the epiphany she had come to until she had a chance to talk to Jace and Matt. Once she had successfully gotten over that hurdle, it would be all downhill from there. At least she hoped it would be. Emily would have to understand and accept her decision. It wasn't as if she would be cutting Matt out of her life completely. Maddy hadn't considered divorce as an option, even when she caught Matt in bed with Gabby. It never entered her mind, even after she and Jace slept together. If she was truly going to live independently, that might have to change. At this stage of the game and the circumstances she found herself in, the notion of it didn't seem to frighten her in the least. This was Maddy at peace because she had finally come to a conclusion about her life and she had her father to thank for that.