CHAPTER 22

Maddy paced back and forth across the kitchen floor. She must have looked at the clock on the wall twenty times in the last hour. She knew Matt and Jace were meeting with Dr. Jenkins this morning and he half expected to hear a sonic boom from the direction of his office. Having Matt and Jace together in the same small office would be a potentially explosive situation. She prayed that the two of them could be civil to one another long enough to work through their problems, hopefully working towards putting an end to the rivalry between them. If they couldn't make that happen, she hoped they could at least call a truce.

She was startled by the whistling of the tea kettle. She had forgotten she had put water on to boil for a cup of tea. Being absentminded was becoming a bad habit, but as the mother of two young boys, she accepted that it was something that came with the territory. She turned off the burner and poured the hot water into her mug. She dunked the tea bag up and down in the cup as she leaned against the kitchen counter and stared at the kitchen door. Their appointment had ended over an hour ago and Matt was due to pick up Finn any minute. She had no idea if Jace would be coming to see Wyatt. She hadn't spoken to him in over a week, not since the day he left Dr. Jenkins' office in a huff. It wasn't like him not to come to see his son, even if he was still angry with her.

She gathered up her cell phone and the baby monitor from the counter and headed into the living room. She set the mug and other items down on the stand next to her chair, then settled in to enjoy a quiet cup of tea. Both Wyatt and Finn were taking their mid-morning naps upstairs and she looked forward to the next hour of relative peace and quiet. She gently blew on her tea before taking the first sip, wishing to God that it was laced with tequila or some other alcohol that might settle her nerves. Just as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the padded back of the chair, her cell phone rang. She jumped, spilling some of the hot liquid from her mug on her legs. Ignoring the pain, she grabbed her cell phone and hastily answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Jesus! Finally!" she said, brushing the hot water off her legs and sounding flustered that they had made her wait so long. The fact that she burned herself on top of it didn't help.

"Madeleine? This is Walter Addison at Lakeshore. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time. You sound a little anxious." She immediately felt her face go red.

"Hi, Walter. I'm sorry about that. I was expecting a phone call from someone and I just assumed that it was them."

"No worries, Madeleine. I just wanted to let you know that we've decided to give the Director position to Ms. Morrison. Your going to bat for her is what clinched it," he said. Maddy took a deep breath in, feeling relieved to know that her friend had been appointed to her old position.

"That's wonderful news, Walter. I know Em will do a fantastic job. Have you told her the news?"

"Not yet, but we have a meeting scheduled in a half hour. I plan to tell her then.
"Were you able to consider her request for tuition reimbursement towards her Masters Degree? She's already applied to Northwestern," asked Maddy. She closed her eyes and crossed the fingers on her free hand. If Administration could accommodate Em's desire to achieve the preferred degree and licensure, Maddy knew that Em would be able to assume all the necessary duties and be the best Director of Assessment & Referral that she could be.

"We did and the Board was willing to help her with that. After all, she's ultimately doing it for the hospital."

"Thank you, Walter. You won't be disappointed."

"No, Madeleine…thank you. You did a remarkable job in that position for the last five years and we were very concerned when you announced that you were leaving. But true to form, you stepped up and helped us find a suitable replacement. I'm certain that you set a fine example for Ms. Morrison to follow in your footsteps."

"It was my pleasure." He thanked her again before they said their goodbyes. Maddy set her phone back down on the stand, feeling happy for her friend. She knew Em was more than capable of doing the job. She just needed a vote of confidence from the powers that be and now she had it. And it was one less thing that Maddy had to worry about. If only she would hear from one of the other two people that she continued to worry about. She was beginning to wonder if they had killed each other during therapy and Dr. Jenkins was afraid to tell her. He said he would keep it under control and all she could do is trust all of them to keep it that way. She took a sip of tea and looked at her watch. She hadn't heard any of the familiar sounds of the boys waking from their nap, so she put her feet up on the ottoman, taking pleasure in the solitude. Her quiet little world wouldn't stay that way for long.

The sound of the front door being unlocked startled her out of her quiet repose. She looked up to see Matt stepping inside the entry hall, followed closely by Jace. She felt her heart begin to race, concerned that they were both late. As usual, her mind jumped to the extreme, imagining the two of them had come to some physical altercation during their session and had to seek medical attention and that's why they were late. But as the two men approached her, she could see that neither of them had any outward signs of coming to blows with each other. She let out a silent sigh of relief that they had gotten through their appointment without a punch being thrown.

"Hey, baby. Enjoying a quiet moment?" asked Matt, sitting down on the ottoman next to her outstretched legs. He had just gotten off shift that morning and he was still wearing his white Captain's shirt. She loved him in that shirt. The smile on his face instantly relieved her as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips, which she returned.

"They're few and far between these days," she replied, looking up at Jace who was standing at the foot of the ottoman. The look on his face seemed more relaxed than she had anticipated. Matt had just kissed her and she expected he would seem tense because of that. The last time she had seen him, he had been angry at her but now he seemed pleased to see her and was nonplussed by the affection that she and Matt had just shared.

"They're both still asleep?" asked Matt.

"Yeah, but Finn should be waking up shortly," said Maddy. "Wyatt might be a little while. We had a rough night."

"Is he okay, Cook?" asked Jace, looking concerned.

"Yeah, just a growth spurt. He nursed several times during the night. I eventually put him in bed with me so we wouldn't wake up Finn." Just as she finished speaking, she could hear Finn begin calling for her over the baby monitor. She let out a deep sigh and started to get up from her chair.

"Let me," said Matt, patting her legs and getting up from the ottoman. He headed up the stairs, leaving Jace and her alone in an awkward silence. They listened as Matt talked to Finn in a hushed tone. He reminded him that his baby brother was still asleep and that they had to use their quiet voices. She smiled softly to herself and sipped her tea, all without looking at the big man who was still standing in front of the ottoman.

"A growth spurt, huh?" he finally said. She nodded and took another sip of tea, but still would not look at him.

"He's getting big," she said.

"I've missed him," replied Jace, sitting down on the ottoman next to her feet. He looked down at her pink polished toes, recalling that she had a similar pink shade on her toes the night they had their first date in Mexico.

"I've missed you, too," he said, running his finger across the toes of her left foot. She nodded her head, but stared at the tea in her cup. She didn't want to make eye contact with him, for fear she would start to cry.

"We've both been right here since you left," she said, her voice cracking.

"Madeleine, look at me," he said.

"I can't or I'll lose it," she said, remembering how he left things between them. He opened his mouth to say something just as Finn and Matt came down the stairs and back into the living room. Jace quickly stood up and Finn immediately jumped into his arms.

"Jay!" he squealed.

"Hey there, pardner!" said Jace, picking him up. Maddy glanced over at Matt and was surprised to see him smiling. He usually bristled whenever Finn showed affection towards Jace, but this time, he seemed totally accepting of it. "Is the baby still sleeping?" asked Jace, looking at Matt.

"Yep. Out like a light," said Matt. Finn reached out for Matt, who took him from Jace's arms. "He went potty like a big boy, Mommy. Can I get him a drink and a snack?" Maddy nodded her head, still unable to form words for the emotions that were still caught in her throat. Matt carried Finn into the kitchen, leaving her alone with Jace once more.

"When I was in Texas, I must have picked up my phone ten times a day to call you," he said.

"Me too," she replied.

"I'm sorry I acted that way, Cook. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you."

"No, Jace. You had every right to be angry with me. I've kept you and Matt on the hook for months now and I dismissed that by blurting out something totally insensitive."

"True, but you're worth the wait," he said, smiling at her. He leaned down and kissed her forehead when she unexpectedly grabbed his face and pulled it down to hers. She pressed her lips against his, blossoming into a soft kiss. He dropped to his knees next to her chair as his mouth engulfed hers. After several seconds, she pulled away as abruptly as she had pulled him in.

"Goddamn, baby," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. She started to reply when Matt brought Finn back into the living room. She stood up from her chair, straightened her clothes and smoothed back her hair. She took a deep breath in, hoping to summon up the courage she needed before she spoke. This was it. It was time to tell them about her decision and she wasn't sure how they were going to react.

"I have something I want to say to both of you," she said. Jace got up from the floor and came around the ottoman to stand in front of her. Matt put Finn's chocolate milk and graham crackers on the coffee table and set him down in front of it.

"What is it, baby?" he said, turning his attention towards Maddy.

"First, I want you both to know that I have appreciated the time and effort that you have made over the past three months, coming to therapy with me and helping me try to figure things out in my life." Both men nodded their heads, but remained silent. "I also want you to know that I would have never made it through the last several weeks without your support. After my father died, I felt lost and you both helped me tremendously. I love both of you very much, but this isn't a situation that can be decided by just love alone. I think you both know that. While I want to keep both of you in my life, I have decided that I do not want to be dependent on either of you."

"But Maddy, you're going to need…" interjected Matt.

"Matt, please…let me finish," Maddy interrupted. "My father left me a sizable amount of money and it gives me the perfect opportunity to be home with my boys and stand on my own two feet, without either of you helping me. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had someone to take care of me, starting with my father. Then it was Jace, Stephen and finally you, Matt. But I had a few years in between where I was on my own and I liked it. I still want both of you to be a part of my life and to be in your sons' lives as much as possible, of won't change. The only thing that will change is that I will not be living with either of you."

The two men stood silent, trying to absorb everything she said. Both of them had a lot of questions to ask, but didn't know where to begin.

"Do you want a divorce, Maddy?" Matt finally asked.

"No, I don't. At least, it's something I haven't considered recently," replied Maddy. "I need to take this first step, then maybe some things will become a little more clear as time goes on." Matt could tell by the look on Maddy's face that she was being completely honest with them. It eased his mind to know that she hadn't yet considered ending their marriage. It gave him a sense of hope and he was going to cling to that as long as necessary. He glanced over at Jace to see a disgruntled look on his face. Matt knew that he was disappointed that a divorce was not on the horizon. Matt felt like he finally had the leading edge in this situation. He was still Maddy's husband and he would remain her husband, at least for now.

"Where will you live?" asked Matt.

"I'm considering moving into Dad's house and having it renovated," said Maddy.

"Maddy, please say you'll take the house we're building together. It'll save you a lot of time and money. It's almost finished and it would do my heart good to know you were living there, even if it's not with me right now," said Matt. It was a generous offer, but Maddy was wary of it.

"Let me think about it, okay Matt?"

"Of course. I'll get Finn ready to go. We have a playdate planned with someone from the fire house who has a kid about the same age, " said Matt.

"Do I know them?" asked Maddy.

"I don't think so. Her name's Carrie North. She has a little boy the same age as Finn. She's usually on third shift, but she pulled a first shift with us a few weeks ago and we got talking about our kids, so it seemed like a good idea. You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all. I trust your judgment, Matt," she replied. She did trust him for things like this. It was with other issues that she still didn't fully trust him anymore.

Jace remained silent, standing in the middle of the living room like a sentinel. He took a deep breath in, placed his hands on his hips and looked around the room as he blew it out slowly. He knew what he wanted to say, but he also knew that it wasn't the time or the place.

"You look like you want to say something," said Maddy.

"No, baby. All I will say is that I want you to be happy, so if this decision makes you happy, then I'm all for it," he said.

"OK, give Mommy a kiss goodbye. We'll be back in a few hours," said Matt, holding Finn up. The toddler leaned in and placed a wet little kiss on her cheek, followed by a kiss from Matt in the same place. They both said their goodbyes and Maddy watched them as they walked down the steps of the front porch and got into Matt's truck. When they had pulled out of the driveway, she turned around to see Jace staring at her. Again, she could sense that he wanted to say something, but he seemed hesitant, so she decided to kick off a conversation.

"How did your therapy appointment go?" Jace took in a deep breath, tucked his hair behind his ear, shrugged and held his hands out in front of him.

"Fucking great," he said, sounding just a tad sarcastic. "We went out for a beer afterwards, if that tells you anything."

"So, what…you're best buds now?" asked Maddy, sounding equally sarcastic.

"Far from it. Let's just say we've come to an understanding," said Jace.

"That's great, Jace," she said, as she picked up her mug. The tea had long gone cold, so she headed into the kitchen to pop it in the microwave. Jace followed her.

"Can I get you something?" she asked, as she heated her tea.

"Yeah, you can get me some more of this," he said, spinning her around and engulfing her in a deep, wet kiss. He pressed his body against hers, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight against him. Her arms immediately went up around his broad shoulders. She dug her nails against his t-shirt, holding on for dear life as their passion mounted. He lifted her up off the floor and she wrapped her legs around him, kissing him back just as hard as he kissed her. She moved her hands to his face, scratching his beard and pulling him closer to her. When their lips finally parted, their hearts were racing and they were both left out of breath. Jace set her back down on the floor, placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her face up to his.

"Will you look at me now?" he asked. His voice was soft, yet full of unsatisfied passion. His body had craved hers since the minute she left his bed last year and it always would. She tilted her head and looked him squarely in the eye. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were pink and plump and were begging to be kissed again.

"After that kiss, you can't tell me that you don't want to be with me, Cook. I know you too well," he said, framing her face with his big hands. She wrapped her hands around his wrists, never breaking her gaze.

"I kissed Matt that same way last week, Jackson. Does that mean I want to be with him, too?" she said, pulling no punches. She removed his hands from her face, took her cup out of the microwave and walked back into the living room. Jace followed close behind her. He grabbed her arm to turn her around to face him.

"Maybe you need to hear what your father said to me right before he died," said Jace.

"What difference would that make to any of this?" asked Maddy, raising her hands. She was beginning to get angry with him again and she didn't want to go there.

"It would make one hell of a difference, Cookie. Believe me," he said.

"Go on, then. Enlighten me," she replied, folding her arms across her chest.

"He told me that it was me that you wanted to be with and not Matt. He said your head hadn't caught up with your heart yet, but he knew."

"That's a nice story, Jackson, but in the long run, it has to be me that decides the things that affect my life and not the things that my father thought it should." Her father had told her the same thing just a few days before he died, but Maddy had to make the decisions and her decision was to not be with Matt or Jace right now. She wasn't going to falter on that.

"I have other news that could affect your life, Madeleine, but I'm not sure you want to hear it."

"Stop playing games, Jackson! I'm so tired of this one upmanship that you and Matt have where I'm concerned! I'm not a goddamn football that the two of you can pass around! So, go on…tell me my life changing news and get it over with." She was angry again. More angry than she had been a few weeks ago when he stormed out of her psychiatrist's office. She wanted this bullshit between them to stop.

"Your marriage to Matt may not be legal. I have it on good authority from someone from the army. How's that for life changing?" he said, rushing the words out of his mouth. Maddy could tell he was proud of what he had said and it made her even more angry with him.

"That's ridiculous, Jackson," she replied.

Jace began to say something when the distinct sound of Wyatt's cry began to crackle over the baby monitor.

"I'll get him, but this isn't over, Cook," said Jace, letting go of her arm and disappearing up the stairs. She sat down on the ottoman and put her head in her hands. She remembered one of her last conversations with her father where he said that he knew that it was Jace that she loved and who she wanted to have a life with. He had told her the same thing he told Jace…that her head hadn't caught up with her heart yet. Now that Jace had revealed to her what her father told him, she knew he would never give up pursuing her, but this time she was prepared for the onslaught. This time, it would all be on her terms.

"On the contrary, Jackson.. it most certainly is over," she said.