CHAPTER 24
Maddy sipped her morning cup of coffee, looked around her new kitchen and a contented smile slowly broke across her face. It was exactly as she had designed it. In fact, the entire house was exactly as she had designed it. It wasn't a brand new house, but it was hers and she had made it into something that she was proud of. She had done it without the help of Matt or Jace. She was living an independent life without the financial support of anyone and that alone was enough to smile about. She had the means to take care of herself and her children and that had been made possible by her father. Even though he had been gone from this life for almost a year, he was still taking care of his baby girl. She knew that technically, it wasn't truly living independently, but the fact that she wasn't relying on Matt or Jace to take care of her was independent enough. She briefly wondered what her mother would think of all this, picturing Gwendolyn Coventry's disapproving face, telling her daughter that she wasted her education and that getting a Masters degree wasn't necessary if she was going to quit work to stay home with her children. Deep down, she would have been happy for her daughter being able to live her dream, but she would never admit it. That was dear old Gwendolyn…about as nurturing as a cactus.
It was just after six and it was still quiet in the house. The boys were sound asleep upstairs in their bedroom, but would be awake and raring to go by eight. Harper was also still asleep, but Maddy expected her to be coming downstairs to join her any minute. She was an early riser, just like Maddy. She was a junior in high school now and wanted to spend spring break in Chicago with the rest of the family. That made Maddy very happy. Not only would she be here for Easter, she would also get to celebrate Wyatt's first birthday with everyone. Maddy enjoyed their early morning chats over breakfast. Harper had the choice of staying with Junior at Jace's house or staying with her and the boys, so she was pleased when she chose to stay with her. Over the last few days, they had gotten to know each other more and Maddy found Harper to be very much like she was at the same age. Harper was an intelligent girl and passionate about helping people. Maddy was overjoyed to learn that Harper was considering becoming a social worker and was looking into applying to Northwestern University. Everything in Maddy's life was finally falling into place. It had taken a year of therapy and running her life on her terms, but she had made it.
She had even begun singing with the Rough Riders again a few nights a month. She had hired Lorraine Watkins to watch the boys on the nights she was scheduled to sing. Lorraine ran the daycare at Lakeshore and they had become good friends over the years that Maddy worked there. She trusted her implicitly and the boys loved her. She was great with kids, but didn't have any of her own. She never mentioned why she was childless and Maddy never asked. It was her business. All Maddy cared about was that Lorraine was the perfect match for Finn and Wyatt, in spite of their different personalities. Finn was rambunctious and loud, running from here to there, always hungry, always talking and keeping everyone on their toes. He wanted to be a firefighter like his Dad, which made Matt beam with pride. Wyatt, in complete contrast to his big brother, was a quiet baby who was easily soothed by rocking together with his Momma, having his favorite books read to him. When he was especially fussy, which was rare, the only thing that would make him happy was to lie on his father's bare chest while Maddy sang to him until he fell asleep. The boys loved both Matt and Jace very much and that made for a very harmonius existence for everyone involved. It had taken a year, but all of them were getting along. Even Matt and Jace seemed to have called a truce. They both managed to keep a civil tongue in their heads whenever they were together and that alone made everyone's life a little easier.
She barely saw Em and Kelly anymore, which saddened her. They would occasionally come out to see her sing with the band, but it felt strange and a little awkward without Matt. Maddy had to admit to herself that, at times, she missed those days. Em would come to visit once in a while on a Saturday when Kelly was on shift and they would spend the day catching up. Listening to Em talk about what was going on at Lakeshore made Maddy realize that she made the right decision to quit her job and stay home. She didn't miss the drama or the politics that went on there on a daily basis. She loved being a full time mom. She felt she was able to give so much more of herself to the boys now than when she was working. Many nights when she was working at the hospital, she would come home so mentally exhausted that she barely had the energy to do anything with Finn. She used to love to give him his bath, but the last several months of being a pregnant, working mother had taken its toll on her and even that had become a dreaded chore. Now, she was able to enjoy every sopping wet minute of it.
The only thing that would have made Maddy's life more perfect was to be able to share it with a man she loved. She was immensely happy with her decision to be independent and to have taken charge of things, but at the end of the day, she was lonely. She missed being able to talk to someone about her day or share the silly things that one of the boys did or an important milestone in their development. She missed preparing the nice kind of meals that adults ate while talking over a glass of wine in the evening when the kids were in bed for the night. She had the time to do that now that she wasn't working full time. But her life was about making hot dogs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crust cut off and chicken fingers for Finn, who seemed to be in a constant food jag. Wyatt ate whatever Maddy would make for herself. She would grind it up to a consistency he could handle and he was always happy to eat it, even if it was with his fingers instead of a spoon, which he hadn't yet perfected. She loved having meals with her babies, but she longed for some adult company and conversations.
She was able to visit with Matt whenever he came over to pick up Finn. He was living in the new house that he and his team had built for them. Maddy didn't feel right about living there without him. It was meant to be a home for their family and since they weren't together right now, it didn't seem fair for her to move in. She was happy that Matt chose to stay in the house. It was a gorgeous home and Finn loved going there to spend time with his father. The four of them would occasionally do things together. Many times, she would invite Matt to stay for dinner and she continued their tradition of Sunday morning breakfasts when he was off shift. He would also ask her over for a weekend barbecue from time to time. It was always an enjoyable day for everyone. Once in a while, Matt would take Wyatt with him when he came to pick up Finn. Wyatt and Finn were attached to each other like Siamese twins. Where one went, the other followed. They were like two peas in a pod. Matt was always more than willing to be responsible for both of the boys and that meant a lot to Maddy.
They also got to play with Isa, Matt's daughter with Gabby. Matt had petitioned her for shared custody, so she was always there on the weekends that Matt was off shift. He was a great father. There was never any denying that. Maddy wished she could be more relaxed about having Isa over to the house to play with the boys, but she looked too much like Gabby, which was a stark reminder of part of what had happened to split them up. Wyatt looked more and more like Jace every day, but that didn't seem to faze Matt, at least not outwardly. He was a special man. There was no denying that either. He had been a good husband, too, with one exception. She felt she had been a good wife to him, but with that same exception. They had hurt each other and neither of them could make that go away, no matter how hard they tried. She had told Matt to bring Isa to Wyatt's birthday party tomorrow and as much as it unnerved her, she knew it was something she had to do.
She had enrolled Finn in a morning preschool class with Matt's full support. It was only two days a week, but it gave him some much needed interaction with other kids his age. Even though he loved his little brother, the two and a half year age difference did take its toll at times. It also gave Wyatt the opportunity to exist in and explore his own little world without his big brother influencing all of his time. So, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Maddy would pack them both up in the car, drop Finn off at preschool, then drive to her yoga class with Wyatt in tow. They had a daycare at the yoga studio that gave Maddy one uninterrupted hour of pure relaxation and peace. It also gave Wyatt some time with children his own age. It was a win-win situation all the way around. It helped to center her and keep her calm in even the most hectic times. With two small boys in the house, the hectic times were frequent, but Maddy wouldn't have it any other way. She only needed a little down time to recharge her batteries.
At times, when he was interacting with the boys, Maddy found herself being attracted to Matt like when they were together before all of the chaos ensued. She missed him, especially when she would climb into bed at night alone. She would pull a pillow close to her and then the images of him with Gabby Dawson would pop into her head and she would instantly stop thinking about him. She wished they would stop haunting her. In her heart, she still loved Matt, but she wasn't sure it was in the same way that she used to. They were still legally married and Maddy was getting closer to making a final decision about that aspect of her life. She and Matt would eventually have to have a discussion about their future. Whenever that time came, she was confident that she would be emotionally ready.
Then there was Jace. He was splitting his time between Texas and Illinois, trying to open a branch of Rocking Horse in Chicago at the same time he was trying to keep the one in Fort Worth operational. He had hired a management team to take over the main duties at the Texas location, while he kept control of the main administrative responsibilities. When he was in town, much of his time was spent trying to get Rocking Horse North up and running, but he still managed to spend a part of almost every day with his son. His transformation over the past year had been an amazing thing to witness. He went from an angry, brooding man to someone who smiled every single day that she saw him. Even with this new sense of joy, she could tell that there was still something inside of him that wasn't yet complete and she knew too well what that was. She was still sorting out her feelings about that, but she was getting closer to knowing what it was she wanted. Just before he died, her father had told her that there would be a sign, showing her the way to what she wanted. She prayed every single night for that sign to show itself to her. She was confident that it would eventually. Her father never told her anything that wasn't true and she had faith that this would be no different.
"Morning, Momma," said Harper, as she walked into the kitchen, startling Maddy out of her thoughts. She gave Maddy a kiss, then went to the fridge to pour herself a glass of orange juice.
"Good morning, sweetie. Are the boys still asleep?" asked Maddy, pulling out a skillet from the cabinet.
"Yeah, they're zonked," said Harper, taking a seat in the breakfast nook.
"Yeah, they tuckered themselves out yesterday. What would you like for breakfast this morning?" Harper thought for a minute, then asked if French toast would be too much trouble.
"Not at all. French toast coming right up!" said Maddy, as she pulled out a frying pan from the bottom cupboard and gathered the ingredients she needed.
"I can wait to eat with Papa and the boys. What time will Papa be here?" she asked.
"He should be here by the time the boys wake up, so probably another couple of hours. He usually has breakfast with us on Saturdays when he's in town.'
"Is Matt coming over to Papa's house later, too?"
"I invited him to the party, but I'm not sure if he'll be coming. He has Isa this weekend. Why?"
"I like when we're all together. That's all," she said.
"Really? Even Matt?" Maddy asked, with genuine surprise in her voice.
"Yeah, he's a nice man, Momma. I mean, he must be if you love him," she replied.
"Yeah, he is a nice man," Maddy said, smiling to herself. She pulled out all the ingredients for the French toast and put them on the counter, then grabbed the syrup and butter from the refrigerator and set them down on the dining room table. She warmed up her coffee and sat down next to Harper, feeling thankful that she had gotten to spend these last few days with her daughter.
"You love Papa, too. Don't you?" asked Harper, taking a drink of orange juice.
"I do," replied Maddy.
"It must be hard for you, Momma…loving two men."
"More than you know, sweetie," said Maddy. Harper slid her hand across the small table and grasped her mother's hand and squeezed it tightly.
"I wish you lived in Texas so I could see you every day," said Harper.
"Hopefully, you'll be living here next year for college and I'm sure we'll see each other as often as is humanly possible," said Maddy, picking up her hand and kissing the back of it.
"I'm so excited about that, I could bust. But I'm sure Daddy will miss me," she said, looking a little sad. Up until a couple of years ago, Junior Walker was the only father she had known. He raised her from the time she was an infant to the beautiful seventeen year old girl she was and he had done a damn fine job.
"Of course he will. He loves you very much," said Maddy.
"And I love him," replied Harper. "But I love Papa, too. I kinda have the same problem you do, Momma," she said, her blue eyes widening.
"I guess you kinda do, sweetie," replied Maddy. "I'm confident that we'll both figure it out."