CHAPTER 26
Maddy collapsed onto one of the chaise lounges that lined the pool deck. She was already exhausted and Wyatt's birthday party hadn't even begun yet. Decorating the expansive enclosed back porch of Jace's house had proven to be a Herculean effort. He had tried to persuade her to hire an event planner to do it, but Maddy was determined to do it herself. She took pride in the parties and events she had hosted since she quit her job and had impressed other people in the process. She had even made some money making specialty cakes and desserts for a few of her friends. Matt was one who had always been aware of Maddy's gifts when it came to baking and party planning. He always remarked on how fabulous her entertaining efforts were, especially at Christmas, and he encouraged her in her new endeavor. But now, as her feet were throbbing and her back was aching, she almost wished she had taken Jace's advice. Still, the three dimensional cowboy hat birthday cake she had designed and made for Wyatt was a triumph. For that alone, she was happy to suffer the physical discomforts she was currently feeling.
She watched with a sense of overwhelming pride and love as Harper played with Finn and Wyatt on the lawn next to the pool. Wyatt had just begun to take his first steps and was trying hard to keep up with his siblings. He would giggle every time he fell on his behind and would get right back up and try again. Finn was very protective of his little brother and would immediately make sure that Wyatt was okay each time he went down. Harper was doing a great job of being their babysitter, too. She was very responsible and attentive to their needs. She loved her little brothers with all of her heart. Maddy had told her that she didn't have to entertain them since she was on a school vacation herself, but she insisted that she didn't mind one bit. She enjoyed spending time with them and they adored her. It was a win-win situation for everyone.
"That's a beautiful sight, isn't it, Cook?" asked Jace as he sat down on the chaise lounge next to hers.
"One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen," she replied. Her heart was full, watching all of her children playing together. Almost full. She was still missing a little piece to make it whole again. Jace reached for her hand and she happily placed it in his. She drew in a sharp breath as she felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes. It had been a long time since she felt a man's touch, even one as simple as holding her hand, and feeling his hand around hers was like slipping on an old glove that fit every nuance of her hand. It was comfortable and familiar and it sent a tingle up her arm that she didn't expect. She pulled her hand away and quickly wiped her eyes.
"You okay, baby?" asked Jace, looking concerned. She nodded her head, unable to speak at that moment. "Are you sure you're ready for this party?" His smile gave her a sense of strength that assured her that she was more than ready for this, as well as a lot of other things.
"Yeah, I think so," she said, her voice still choked with emotion. She started to stand up, but Jace stopped her.
"Wait a minute, Cook. Since no one else is here yet and the kids are preoccupied, there's something I want to talk to you about," he said. His blue eyes burned brightly in the late morning sun. She saw so much in those eyes. She always had.
"What is it?" she asked, as she sat back down.
"I want to know where your heart is, Madeleine. It's been a year now and I need to know if I'm just chasing my tail here," he said. Maddy sat back down on the chaise lounge. She smoothed her skirt over her thighs and drew in a deep breath before answering him. Not a day had gone by in the last twelve months that she hadn't thought about the same thing.
"It's been on my mind a lot lately…more than you realize, and both you and Matt deserve to know what I've been thinking," she said.
"Before you answer, there is something that I need to say," said Jace, his eyes tearing up. She had rarely seen him cry and she felt the depth of his emotions to her very core.
"Go on, cowboy," she said, wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks. He took her hands in his and held them gently.
"I just wish…Jesus, this is…," he suddenly paused. He took a few seconds to compose himself, then began to speak again. "I wish you knew how much of you there is in everything I do. It could be the smallest thing…trivial, mundane shit…but you're there, under the surface of it somewhere. I wish you knew how I carry you with me always…everywhere I go," he said, putting his hand over the left side of his chest where she knew the tattoo of her nickname was. She started to choke up.
"I do know that, Jackson. Your love for me is truly remarkable and I carry that with me, believe me. I just need to…"
"Daddy!" shrieked Finn, as he suddenly raced across the lawn back towards the house past Maddy and Jace. Maddy stopped speaking and turned her head to see Matt walking down the steps of the back porch. He was holding Isa in his arms. Maddy felt a chill down her spine as she watched Matt walk down the pathway towards the pool area. He met Finn halfway and kneeled down in front of him. Finn leaned in and kissed Isa on the cheek and she immediately reached out for him. Maddy's heart was warmed by her son's gesture towards his half-sister, but part of it was still frozen knowing who her mother was. Maddy wished she could change that. It would be so much easier for everyone if she could, but it had been a year since she was born and Maddy was no closer to accepting that fact. Matt kissed Finn on the head, then stood back up and took his hand. He walked further down the pathway until he was standing behind her and Jace.
"Hi, Matt. Glad you could make it," said Jace, extending his hand to him. Matt nodded his head and shook his hand firmly. Maddy silently thanks God that the truce was still on.
"She's getting big," said Maddy. "Is she walking yet?"
"Not yet. She tries, but she gets mad and cries when she falls," he said, smiling and bouncing the baby in his arms.
"Wyatt giggles when he falls. He's a bullheaded boy, so he gets right back up and tries again no matter how many times he lands on his butt," said Maddy, motioning towards Harper and the baby.
"He's like his Papa in that way," said Jace. Maddy saw Matt grimace slightly at Jace's words and she felt that inside of her. She couldn't forget that Matt was dealing with the same kind of pain, knowing that Jackson was Wyatt's father.
"Do you think Harper would mind if Isa joined them down there? She doesn't get much interaction with other kids," asked Matt.
"I think she'd love it," said Maddy. Matt led Finn down to the lawn with Isa in tow. She smiled as she watched him kneel down on the grass and talk to Harper. She saw a big smile break out on Harper's face and nod her head enthusiastically. Maddy turned her head and looked back at Jace.
"I'm sorry we got interrupted, Jackson, but I promise not to keep you or Matt hanging any longer. Just give me until sometime after the party, okay? I'll need a couple of days to recover and regroup, if that makes sense."
Jace turned his attention away from the group on the lawn and looked down at his lap. He took a deep breath, tucked his long hair behind his right ear and lifted his head to look at her.
"Anything for you, baby," he said, smiling up at her. His blue eyes sparkled in the late morning sun. Those beautiful eyes. Those damned beautiful eyes, every time.
"That cake was amazing," said Kelly, rubbing his stomach.
"It was a great party, Cook. You outdid yourself," said Jace.
"Have you ever thought of doing this professionally, Mads? You'd be great at it," said Em.
"Oh God, no. I just got to a point in my life where I don't have to work. Planning this little party took far more effort than any day I spent at Lakeshore, even as the on-call social worker for the ER when I first started," said Maddy, sounding exhausted.
"Damn. I was hoping you'd make me a Spongebob cake for my fortieth," said Em. Maddy just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Nothing that Em said took her by surprise anymore.
"You really should consider it, Maddy. You have a knack for this sort of thing and you love to bake. You always have. And you could make a ton of money. You've already made several hundred dollars making cakes for others," said Matt.
"True, but it's only been for a few friends and I don't really need the money. They insisted that I be paid, but it felt weird," Maddy replied. "The only thing I need is time with my children before they grow up and leave me. That's all I want," she continued, softening her tone a little.
"They're all out for the count," said Jace, looking over at Wyatt, Finn and Isa asleep on the large pull-out couch at the other end of the porch.
"Coming down from a sugar high will do that to you," said Em, swiping at the last blob of frosting on her plate with her finger and sticking it into her mouth.
"You should know, Morrison. There's probably room for you over there if you need a nap, too," said Matt. As expected, Em stuck her tongue out at Matt and he responded with his usual smirk. Maddy felt a twinge of nostalgia for how she, Matt, Em and Kelly used to be together. It was nice having the four of them in the same place. It was a rare occurrence these days.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" said Maddy, touching Harper's arm. She yawned and nodded her head.
"Just tired, Momma. I had fun, but they wore me out!" she said, tilting her head in the direction of the sleeping children.
"Maybe we should think about getting everyone home soon. The boys still need a bath before going to bed and I'm nearing the point where I won't be able to move if I sit for much longer," said Maddy.
"I'll help you get them home, Maddy," said Matt, suddenly standing up.
"Don't be silly, Matt. Harper and I can manage and you have Isa to take care of," replied Maddy.
"I won't take no for an answer, Maddy. Besides, I'd like to talk to you about a couple of things," said Matt. Maddy shot a glance at Jace, who was now eyeing Matt as though he were a bug that he wanted to squash under his boot. She was sure that Matt's request to accompany her home was making him crazy.
"I'm pretty sure Madeleine doesn't care if you'll take no for an answer or not. She has a pretty strong mind of her own. She always has," said Jace, only half under his breath. Matt heard him…not loudly, but definitely clearly. She could see Matt's expression change immediately.
"Matt, Jace…don't, please. It's been a good day," said Maddy. Matt held up his arms, signaling that he wouldn't take this potential for an argument any further.
"OK, fine. You're right. It has been a good day," said Matt.
"I'm sorry, Cook. I shouldn't have said that, even though I know you were thinking the same thing," said Jace. Maddy took in a deep breath and steadily and slowly blew it out. She put her hands on her hips and spoke firmly.
"OK, look…Matt, if you want to help us get the boys home, I won't argue the point. Harper is worn out and I think I'm more tired than I realized, so we would appreciate it. We can leave after they all wake up from their nap." Jace's head whipped around, his eyes fixed on her and a look of disbelief took over his face. She shot him a look back that told him that it was her decision and that it wasn't up for discussion, proving exactly what he had said about her having a strong mind of her own.
"I want to clean up first. I don't want to leave Jace with this mess," said Maddy, starting to pile the empty paper cake plates on top of each other. Jace got up from his chair and stood behind Maddy. He casually pressed the front of his body to the back of hers and leaned in beside her, reaching for the stack of plates.
"I've got this, baby," he said. His voice was low and sultry and it rumbled softly in her ears. She felt a shiver run down her neck and back as his fingers grazed her wrist and hand before picking up the plates.
"Thank you," she said, barely able to speak.
She thought about the things he had said as they sat by the pool together earlier in the day. That and a million other thoughts raced through her head in what seemed like a split second… the way Jace made her feel just now, Wyatt's conception, her and Matt's relationship, Finn's birth, her father's death, her best friends gathered around the table, her old job and her life as it was now. And she realized something in that time….this was her life and no one else's. She was done with trying to figure out who was with her, against her or walking down the middle because they didn't have the guts to pick a side. She was in control of it. Not one other person…not Matt, not Jace, not Em, would ever make decisions for her or sway her into thinking differently. She was done with anything that didn't bring her peace. She realized that opinions were a dime a dozen, validation was for parking, and loyalty wasn't a word but a lifestyle. It was this day that her life truly changed. And not because of a man or a job, but because she realized that life is way too short to leave the key to your happiness in someone else's hands…and that was the most liberating feeling of all.