Chapter 5: Strange Days

Warmth. Warmth and comfort. Those were the first things Severus registered.

Gradually, he became aware of other things. He was lying on something soft but firm, and covered by something equally soft. And he was warm.

He was hungry. But he no longer hurt quite as fiercely as he had, and the fires had subsided.

It was tempting to subside back into the darkness. But then he remembered the last thing he'd seen. The Marauders.

He'd collapsed in front of the Marauders. Severus came awake all at once, eyes shooting open as he bolted upright. Then he stopped, blinking at his surroundings.

He was in a set of private rooms. Probably a Prefect's rooms. He was crouchingin front of the hearth (which had a low fire in the grate), on the most comfortable and plush rug he'd ever seen. It was a neutral brown, which told him nothing about whose rooms he might have wound up in.

Someone had covered him with a blanket, and done more than that.

Someone had tended his wounds. Now that he was awake, he could smell the familiar scents of Bruise Balm, Dittany and Burn Ointment. And he could taste the lingering aftertaste of potions. Several of them, if he was any judge. Whoever had treated him had been well taught and competent. Even the bandages were done with a skill that Madam Pomfrey couldn't have bettered, clean and snug without being too tight or otherwise uncomfortable.

A flush of shame stole over his features as he realized that he was clad only in his ragged trousers, and the rest of his clothes were nowhere to be seen. And that someone...someone had seen what had been done to him. He usually managed to hide for a few days, until the wounds had faded.

Then he remembered that he'd already showed the Marauders what his parents had done. He winced, imagining the humiliation he'd be in for once he returned to school. There was no chance that Potter and Black would let such excellent fodder for their taunts go.

He turned his head. His wand was on a low nearby table. So was a medium-sized Potions chest. And a note. Severus seized his wand in one trembling hand, then read the note.

Jeremy Attwater. He didn't know him, but he knew of him. Rosier and Wilkes often laughed about how spineless and tenderhearted he was. Among the rest of the school, he was known as a good enough bloke, polite and friendly and helpful to just about everyone. They'd never really crossed paths, but Severus had no enmity with the older Hufflepuff. More to the point, if rumors were true, then Attwater was the type of bleeding heart who might have helped him.

Knowing that didn't stop him from casting a number of detection spells on the note, the box and the quarters around him. But there were no traps that he could detect, no Charms or illusions or hexes. There was a faint hint of Transfiguration, but that might have been anything.

Severus sat back on his heels and considered. If he was right, the Marauders had left him where he collapsed. Attwater had found him somehow, then brought him here. He'd been delirious, which he didn't like to think about. He just hoped he hadn't said anything too revealing. Attwater had then tended his wounds. That actually made sense, since it was well known that Attwater harbored ambitions to be a Healer. The Hufflepuff had probably just decided that he was good practice material, as battered as he was. It was still humiliating, but he'd dealt with worse, and it was far better than waking up in the Infirmary.

At least Attwater hadn't hung around to ask questions. And he was apparently competent.

Severus rose, holding himself up on the table as his legs trembled. A quick Tempus Charm revealed that it was mid-morning, on Tuesday. So he had time before anyone checked on him. Well enough.

The first order of business was his overfull bladder. Severus staggered into the washroom and to the loo. Once relieved, he turned to the sink, only to stop short.

There was a pile of things on the sink, topped with another note. Toiletries, including shampoo and soap, a towel and wash-cloth. And two sets of uniform, everything from underthings to robes. All in new or near-new condition, and decorated with the Slytherin colors and House crest.

Severus opened the note.

To: Severus Snape, Sixth Year of Slytherin

I hope you'll pardon my taking liberties, but as it was obvious that your clothing was much worse for wear, I opted to have the House Elves deliver some spares from the school stores. They have been marked for your House and sized to fit you by the Elves, so don't worry about returning them.

As I said in my previous note (which I hope you've seen, it was on the Potions chest if you haven't), these rooms are unused, so you can make as much use of them as you like. The things left in here at present are for your convenience, as I wasn't sure what state you'd be in when you woke. I have done what I can for you, but I didn't want to intrude upon your privacy overmuch, as I was under the impression that you were a rather...private individual.

I did consider asking your Housemates for your things, but I wasn't sure how much any of them knew, and even less sure that they would acquiesce to my request, so settled for this instead.

Your teachers or Prefects should have your assignments, if you don't awaken before classes start. I would offer to collect them for you, but as I don't know your schedule, and am quite busy with my own, I shall leave that matter in your hands.

I reiterate that, should you not reappear by Saturday, I will inform your Head of House and Madam Pomfrey.

I hope this finds you well, or at least in better condition than I discovered you Saturday evening.

Jeremy Attwater

Seventh Year Hufflepuff Prefect

Severus considered the note. He knew about the school stores, having been forced to make use of them on a few years when the Marauders had destroyed his original wardrobe too thoroughly to be mended.

He ran another round of checks for hexes or traps, then gave in. He'd always been mistrustful of kindness, but he'd learned early on, if someone gave you something without strings, take it. If someone gave you something you could get away with taking without too high a price tag, there was no point in holding back.

He turned on the bath taps as hot as he could stand, then shucked off his remaining clothes and the bandages. The tub was deep and wide, and the water pleasantly scented, far better than he'd find in the Slytherin dorms.

He made full use of the bath products that had been left for him. The water stung a little on the tender skin of his burns, but they'd been healed well enough that it was only a momentary discomfort and not worth worrying about. The towel was soft enough that it didn't irritate his healing injuries. He dried his hair with a Drying Charm, then padded out to the main room, reveling in the soothing warmth of the fire while he drank down the necessary healing potions and tended to his wounds.

After that, he dressed. The clothes had a softness that suggested they weren't brand new, but they were in far better condition than his own had been, and close enough to new that he hardly cared. In fact, he wouldn't have known the difference, if he hadn't seen and felt what Lily's new robes looked like, during their trips to Diagon Alley.

Once he was properly attired, he stowed his wand. Then, after a moment's debate, called out. "Skippy."

There was a pop, and a House Elf appeared. "Yous be calling Skippy?"

"Yes. I was told to call you if I needed anything. And I want some food, if you would."

Skippy nodded. "Skippy has been told about Slytherin boy who needs care. I's getting you what you wants right away." The Elf popped away.

Seconds later, Skippy was back, with a tray. The Elf set the tray on the small table where the Potions had been. "Yous be eating as much as you can, and Skippy will take the rest."

Severus sat down, then blinked at the tray.

He recognized the soup, his favorite chicken noodle recipe. With it were a small salad, and white bread, buttered lightly. His cup was filled with something that wasn't pumpkin juice, but lighter. Tart, like grape juice instead, and easier to drink. For dessert, there was a plain vanilla pudding.

It was perfect, exactly the kinds of foods he craved. He had thought he'd choke down whatever the House Elves served him, which was usually heavy food, and far too much of it, but this was much better. He dipped his spoon into the soup, relishing the warmth and flavor. He hadn't had chicken soup often, and never this good, and it was exactly what he wanted.

He surprised himself by eating almost everything on his plate, and draining his cup twice over.

When he'd finished, Skippy reappeared. "Young Mister eats well. Skippy has been ordered to tend to all young master Snape's needs. Yous be needing anything else? Medicine, bandages, clothes?" The Elf stared at him, ears flopping over its forehead.

"No. I'm fine." Had Attwater gone as far as loaning him a School House Elf? That was a rather disconcerting thought, though he could see how it might be useful. He wondered how long that generous gesture would last.

Probably until he showed himself among the students again.

It was tempting to simply stay in the rooms until Friday. But he had classes, and any chance of a future he might have hinged on him doing well. Besides, the Elf would probably be reporting back to Attwater, and he didn't want the Prefect to think he was shirking. That might cause trouble.

In any event, the sooner he showed himself, the sooner he could squash whatever rumors were floating around.

He pocketed the Potions that would be useful, gave his old things to Skippy to be laundered and mended as best they could be, and shrunk down the remaining supplies he'd been left to put in another pocket. He left the towel, no sense in taking that, but didn't hesitate on snitching the soap and shampoo. He rarely had enough money for anything other than the harsh school products, which served to keep him clean but hardly more than that.

Once he had everything, he left the room, fingering his wand in his pocket. The sleep and rest, not to mention the healing he'd received, had banked the fire inside him somewhat. Enough that he wouldn't mind giving the Marauders a good hexing if he came across them. Especially if they thought they could use his condition against him.

There was no one in the dorms when he arrived, not surprising since mid-morning was class time for practically every subject. His trunk was untouched, except for a hex that he identified as coming from Wilkes. He dismantled the spell, and left one of his own on the prat's trunk, and another on his bed, then undid the wards around his things. He stowed his new supplies and clothes, then gathered his general school supplies and went to find Slughorn.

The old man was teaching third year potions, but judging from the state of things, the class was about over. Severus waited until the class was dismissed, then made his way inside. "Professor Slughorn...I was told you'd have my schedule." He didn't like the man, but he couldn't afford to be disrespectful.

"Who's that? Oh, yes, Severus. Heard you'd taken ill." Slughorn rummaged around in his desk and finally produced an untidy stack of parchment. "That Attwater boy came by. Said you'd collapsed outside. Nothing serious, I hope?"

Not that Slughorn would care if it were. "No. Just a lingering bit of something I caught while I was home. I'm fine now."

"Good. Good. Look forward to seeing you in class. You are continuing Potions, I should hope?"

"Of course." As if he'd do anything else, given the score he'd gotten on his exams. To say nothing of his future ambitions. Slughorn was many things, most of them useless as far as Severus was concerned, but he was a Potions Master, and excellence in his class was a requirement to further his career beyond Hogwarts.

Besides, his talent in Potions was about the only thing Slughorn or any other Slytherin valued about him. And Slytherins were the only ones, now, who cared about him at all. Certainly no one had saved him from Potter's humiliation of him last year, and even Slughorn had not spoken for him after what Black had done.

Severus kept his emotions from his face and answered Slughorn's questions about his academic pursuits as politely as he could. Yes, he would take Potions. Yes, of course he'd take Herbology as well, considering how closely it and Potions were linked. Yes, he was interested in continuing Defense, what with the equally high score he'd obtained in that exam. Yes, he did think Charms and Transfiguration would be beneficial, and Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, if he could. Yes, it was a heavy schedule, given that these were N.E.W.T level classes, but since he didn't have Prefect duties and didn't play Quidditch, he thought he'd manage.

Finally he had his schedule, and a list of the teachers he'd need to see about assignments, and he was able to leave. By then it was time for lunch. He wasn't hungry, but he thought he might be able to talk to his fellow Slytherins and get the notes for the classes he'd missed.

He wound up sitting next to Regulus Black. The younger boy looked him over. "Where have you been?"

"Out."

Regulus looked at him sharply. "Your usual problem?" He leaned closer and whispered. "Having trouble with the Fire?"

Years of being in Slytherin, not to mention dealing with his father, were all that kept Severus from jerking away. "What would you know about that?"

"Sirius asked me about it on Sunday. Apparently he and his cronies found you outside, and you mentioned it to him. I was wondering why you'd do that." The look in the Black heir's eye was challenging.

Severus forced himself to scoff. "Because I wanted them to know who they were dealing with. Hexing them wouldn't be as fun otherwise."

Regulus smirked. "I thought it might be something like that. I hope you appreciate that I tried to play it up for you, give Sirius a real fright."

He had to wonder what Regulus had told his brother. Bad enough that he'd said more than he meant, out on the grounds. If Regulus had said too much… "I hope you didn't tell him enough to make him go to Dumbledore."

"Not that much. Besides, why would he? He'd have to admit what he was doing to find out in the first place. Actually, I threatened to tell Dumbledore that he was looking into Dark Rituals, if he tried anything." Regulus shrugged.

Severus relaxed a little. If Regulus was blackmailing his brother, his secrets might be safe. "Fine. But next time don't go spreading word about my business. Or it'll be you I hex, not your brother." He fixed the younger Black with an expressionless stare. "I might have cooled off, but you should know the fire never truly fades..."

Regulus grimaced. "All right. I won't say anything else."

"Good." Severus spotted Wilkes and Rookwood, just finishing their food. "Excuse me, I need to talk to the others." He pushed himself up.

Getting notes for his classes was a simple matter of promising assistance on homework in return. It was a familiar system, given how often he was in the Infirmary after the Marauders were through with him, and he couldn't have cared less. By the time lunch had ended, he'd collected the assignments he needed. He was also...confused.

He wasn't all that hungry, not since he'd eaten recently. But it was best to eat something, to keep up appearances. No one questioned him if he missed the odd meal, but showing up and not eating was sure to draw attention.

Somehow, all the dishes nearest his plate were...well, they were the sort of things that a recovering teen would eat, the sort of things he could eat without needing a stomach soother an hour later. Ham and watercress sandwiches, without a lot of heavy dressing to upset his system. Salad, with bits of seasoned chicken and cheese in it, giving it enough texture and flavor to appeal, without being too heavy. His goblet filled with water, rather than pumpkin juice.

For the second time that day, he found himself eating far more than he'd planned. As he stared at the remains of a salad and two sandwiches on his plate, he had to wonder if someone had mixed some sort of appetite enhancing potion into his food. He sometimes did it for himself, if he wasn't feeling well but knew he needed the energy for something (as he'd done last year when his nerves had almost got the better of him right before his Transfiguration O.W.L), but he hadn't had time to even brew the potion, much less apply it.

He didn't have much time to ponder it though. He had two classes, Arithmancy and Herbology, during the afternoon. He attended those, then settled into a secluded corner of the Common Room to work on catching up on all his assignments. Halfway through, his Slytherin classmates, who'd either given him something or decided that owing him a favor was better than failing an assignment, began approaching him for help on their Potions, Charms and Defense homework. He pointed each one in the right direction when he could, made suggestions where he thought it was prudent, and promised to look things up where he wasn't sure. He also kept a running log of who came to him, and therefore, who he could seek out for a favor, or who he'd paid off for a favor done for him.

It was time-consuming, and frustrating, given that he was behind in his own schoolwork, but it was also necessary. At least by the time he begged off and retreated to his dorm and his bed, he'd paid back everyone who'd given him notes and information on the classes he'd missed. And he'd gotten at least some of his work done.

The next morning, he put on the second set of uniform clothes he'd received, then put the first set, as well as all his old things, into the laundry. There was only so much even the Elves could do with the worn out clothing, but his magic was still restless, and anything they could do would be an improvement.

Morning class was Double Potions, which was an easy class as far as he was concerned. Black, Potter and Lupin were in the class, as was Lily, but he'd already resolved to ignore them. And he knew several excellent shield charms if they tried to interfere with his potion. Although he doubted any of them, with the possible exception of Lily, had the intelligence to do anything he couldn't fix.

He got there early, early enough to set up station on the far side of the room where he could see everything, and had a wall at his back rather than a desk.

Lily was the second person to arrive. It wasn't surprising. They'd always come early to Potions, back when they were friends, to have time to talk. Still, Severus felt his heart clench and his stomach twist as she walked in. She'd grown over the summer, and she'd spent some time in the sun, since her skin was lightly tanned and sprinkled with freckles, and her hair was the brilliant flame red it only got if she'd been out of doors a great deal.

He'd just steeled himself to turn away when she looked across the room and met his eyes. And smiled.

That smile froze him stiff. He couldn't breathe, couldn't blink. Couldn't respond as she crossed the room to greet him. "Good morning Severus."

He stared at her. He'd thought she'd completely ignore him. Or glare at him. Or make some cutting remark. Anything but this.

Lily frowned, but it was an expression of concern, rather than censure. "Are you all right?" She set her books down and moved closer. "I heard at the Prefect meeting that you'd been ill...are you running a fever?" She even reached up a hand to check.

He moved before he was properly aware of it, stepping back. He almost cursed himself for the movement, but instead managed to gather his wits enough for a response. "I'm all right now." Then the hurt he felt, the hurt he'd nursed through the brutal days of summer, roared up, and the next words came out before he could stop them. "I thought you weren't speaking to me." The tone was sharp and ugly, and he wished he could grab the words and stuff them back down his own throat as soon as he said them.

Lily winced. "I wasn't, last year. But I...I had some time to think, over the summer."

So had he. Far too much time.

Lily sighed, then met his eyes again. "I'd like to talk with you a bit. I really was worried, when I heard you'd collapsed. And I...I realized over the summer...we've been friends for years. It wasn't very fair of me to just dismiss you like that. And I shouldn't have joined in with Potter, just because you called me a name."

"I should never have called you that." The words whipped out of him. He hunched his shoulders. "And I meant...I didn't mean to call you that, Lily. I know...I know why you said what you did, but I'd never mean to say it to you. Not you."

Lily reached out, touched his arm gently. Severus lurched away as though the touch burned. He couldn't help it. His mother had used similar gestures, right before she...he cut that thought off.

Lily dropped her hand. "We need to talk, Severus. Even if...even if it's just to agree to disagree, or something. Meet me in the library after dinner?"

"If you like." Severus nodded. His heart was pounding so hard he thought he might need a Calming Draft just to prevent a heart attack. Or an stroke.

He watched Lily gather her books and move back to a station nearby, but a few tables over. He'd thought their friendship destroyed, and the idea that it might not be...he couldn't dare to hope, but that didn't stop anticipation from bubbling painfully in his chest anyway.

Just then, the rest of the class came in, including the Marauders. Severus immediately turned away and busied himself with setting up his equipment and his notes.

Somehow, he managed to retain enough focus to brew a perfect Draught of Living Death.

And, miracle of miracles, none of the Marauders tried anything to sabotage his work. No spare ingredients got sneaked onto his work table. No feet got extended to trip him when he went for equipment or ingredients he didn't have. No odd items were launched surreptitiously into his cauldron when Slughorn's back was turned.

He was beginning to wonder if Regulus had really terrified his brother into passing for a decent human being. Or if someone had dosed him with an extra large amount of Luck potion.

He was terrified to think that perhaps he was only dreaming, still trapped in a hallucination caused by his weakness following the Tenebris. The only thing that convinced him he was in reality was the toe he stubbed on the way out of the dungeons, and the fact that his dreams were never like this. High-flying fantasies where Lily was in Slytherin and they were a couple and he was Head Boy, or where he was receiving the Order of Merlin for his Potions work, or his spells, were what his good dreams looked like. Everything else...if he was lucky, he dreamed of simple nightmares, like getting mauled by Lupin. It was worse when his memories invaded his dreams and twisted together into the most horrifying versions of themselves.

After that was lunch. As with every meal since he'd woken up, somehow everything within easy reach was just the sort of food he'd want. It was heavier than his meals yesterday, a little more meat and bread, but not enough that it would make him ill or uncomfortable.

It was the first year at Hogwarts that he hadn't spent the first two weeks eating practically nothing, or on a diet of stomach soothers with every meal. He felt strange, with several good meals under his belt. More to the point, it was all so subtle...someone was obviously caring for him, and yet taking pains to make sure it was as unnoticeable as possible.

A part of it had to be the house elves, of course. But someone had given them their orders. And how would anyone know what kinds of foods he liked when he wasn't feeling well? He doubted Attwater could know. Lily was the only one who might, and when would she have gone to the house elves?

She had mentioned hearing that he was ill at the Prefect meeting...had Attwater told her? She could have gone to the house elves after, maybe.

At any rate it was the only explanation he could think of. And he'd be able to confirm it after dinner.

He attended his Ancient Runes class in the afternoon, then Charms. He was on guard throughout the whole of the Charms lesson, what with all four Marauders there. He half expected Black or Potter to try something, in spite of Flitwick's presence, but nothing happened. There weren't even any distracting or aggravating notes tossed his way. In fact, if he didn't know better, he'd think they were focused on the lessons, for once.

It was confusing, but he was grateful for the respite.

He spent the two hours before dinner working on his assignments. Twenty minutes before, he went to the dorm to put his books away, only to stop short.

The laundry had been brought back. The top uniform was the new one he'd given to the elves, clearly labeled with his initials. But the others…

They were the same size, and all decorated with Slytherin colors. At least, the uniforms were. They were all marked with his initials even. But they certainly weren't the clothes he'd sent to the elves. They couldn't be. Not even house elves and Reparo charms could do this.

All of them were new, or near enough that it made no difference. The whites were actually white, or at most a soft cream color. The socks were all fluffy and intact, no threadbare spots or holes or inexpertly darned patches. The blacks were dark, actual black, rather than worn out grays or blues. Even the undergarments had been replaced by articles that looked decent. Everything was the style and colors he preferred, everything was exactly the same as what he'd left for the laundry elves, except that it was in good condition. Even the ties had been traded out for neat ones that still had some shine to them.

He called for Skippy.

The house left popped into being a moment later. "Yes, young master Slytherin?"

He pointed to the clothes. "Did you do this?"

Skippy shook his head. "No. I's not be in charge of laundry. But laundry elves be having the same orders as Skippy, I thinks. Take care of young master Slytherin. Give him the things he needs. Prefect be saying so, and we be obeying prefects unless professors or headmasters gives us different orders, sir."

He was starting to wonder what Attwater was going to bill him for all this kindness. "And the food at meals?"

Skippy perked up. "Skippy has been in charge of that, yes. Skippy has very specific orders. Place certain foods closer to young master. Things he can eat. Good things. And provide potions, for health. Young master Slytherin needs to gain weight, recover strength. So Skippy provides good healthy food and potions for him."

He nodded. "Who told you what sort of things I could eat?"

"Skippy serves the Infirmary when students is hurt. Knows what the Nurse likes for her injured and sick students. Also, young Miss told Skippy what young master Slytherin might like to eat. All sorts of things for young master's stomach. Young Miss say she knows all young master Slytherin's favorites."

That had to be Lily. He'd certainly never told his own prefects what his favorite foods were. Or that he had a touchy stomach at times. Only Lily had ever known that. "All right. Thank you Skippy." The elf popped away, and Severus went down to dinner.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he forgot to keep an eye out. As a result, he was halfway across the Entrance Hall when he realized he was on a collision course with another group of students. His least favorite students in school.

Severus froze. So did Potter, Black and Pettigrew. Lupin wasn't with them, but there could be any number of reasons for that.

Severus palmed his wand, his entire body tense with anticipation. There was no way he'd make the first move, no way he'd invite their retribution with three-to-one odds, to say nothing of how the teachers would respond. But if they started with him…

Potter was the first to move. "Snape." He offered something that looked like a civil nod, then turned on his heel and went through the doors into the Great Hall. Pettigrew scurried after him. Black stood a moment longer, eyeing him, then turned away, following his friends.

Severus remained frozen where he was. Then he shook his head to clear it, digging his fingernails into his palm. It had to be a dream.

He felt the bite of his own nails, and when he raised his hand he saw ugly crescent marks on the palm, felt the sting of the injury.

It wasn't a dream. Potter and Black had actually turned down a perfect opportunity to taunt him, even hex him. There were no teachers in sight, and he hadn't come up with his dorm mates. They'd have few better opportunities. And instead…

Potter had been almost...polite. Black had at least kept his mouth shut.

He wondered if Regulus had told his brother more than he'd thought. Or perhaps someone else had given them a dressing down. He doubted it, what with the Headmaster's blatant favoritism. Why would anyone have taken the Marauders to task now? Though perhaps Attwater had done something?

That made the most sense. Attwater might have warned them off so his work wouldn't be wasted. Maybe.

Severus shook his head and went to dinner. He didn't want to be late for his meeting with Lily.

After dinner (another meal in which his favorites were somehow right next to his plate), he gathered his Potions, Arithmancy and Charms books, made an excuse about looking up something for an essay, and headed for the library. No one stopped him, though Avery sneered at him. Severus ignored him. Let Avery get by with just barely scraping an Acceptable on his assignments. He would do better.

Lily was already there when he arrived, sitting at the far back table that had been their special meeting spot, before they'd drifted apart. She looked up as he arrived, then smiled as he slipped awkwardly into the seat across from her. "Hello."

"Hi." Lily brushed a lock of red hair back. "I was almost afraid you'd change your mind."

"No. I wouldn't." He shook his head. "I...I almost came to your house over the summer, but I wasn't sure...you didn't answer my letter."

"No. I was still pretty mad at you. But like I said…I've had time to think, over the summer. I thought about a lot of things, and I decided that there were some things I wanted to ask you about."

Severus felt his gut clench. It was an effort to keep his seat. Still, if it meant Lily might forgive him… "You can ask me anything Lily. Anything you want."

Lily bit her lip, then spoke softly. "Last term, I accused you of wanting to join the Dark Lord and his followers. I wanted to ask you if that was really true. But...not like that."

"What do you mean?" Severus blinked.

"I mean that it's not the question I want to ask, after thinking about it." Lily frowned at the table. "Instead...let me put it this way. I know you've got good grades, Sev. So...if you were in...let's say Ravenclaw, and you had Potter's money and parents like mine, instead of parents who always fight, what would you do after school? What would you choose?"

"Why would you even ask me that? I've got none of those things." Severus winced internally at the growl in his voice, but thinking like that hurt. After all, it was only a fantasy. And as nice as it was to dream, sometimes, he had to live with what he had.

"Because I want to know."

Severus blinked, then sighed, closing his eyes. If he wanted any chance of salvaging his relationship to Lily, he might as well go along with her. Whatever she was thinking, she'd reveal it when she was ready.

What would he do? He'd been guided since he entered school by the likes of Malfoy and Avery and Rosier. But really, he didn't like some of the things they did. Some of what Avery and his friends called jokes were a bit too much like the things the Marauders did to him. But then, that's why he saw nothing wrong with it. After all, if Potter and his cohorts could get away with that sort of thing, why shouldn't the Slytherins?

But never mind that. His mind turned back to Lily's question. What would he do if he were in Ravenclaw, if he had all the Galleons he needed and a family that actually cared for him as more than a punching bag or worse?

After a moment, the vision rose in his mind, the carefully nurtured and cherished vision that had sustained him through all the long years before Hogwarts. The dream he still cradled in his heart, in the dead of night or after a bad fight with the Marauders.

He was an adult. His hair was still long, but it wasn't oily any more. Instead it was sleek and shiny, with perhaps the faintest hint of gray to make him look distinguished. He was no longer weed skinny and sallow, but slender and lightly tanned. He'd never be classically handsome, but he fancied he might manage to clean up well. His robes were new, crisp and sharp, over clothes that fit him properly and had no wear or patches or ugly stains. In his dream, he stood in front of other witches and wizards, all noted experts in their fields, and he spoke. He spoke of things created, a potion to his right sparkling in the light. He spoke of spells, his wand tracing flashing movements in the air. On the breast of his robes were embroidered words. Sometimes it was 'Potions Master' sometimes it was 'Master Alchemist', but the words didn't matter so much as the respect in the crowd's eyes.

"Sev?" The soft utterance of his childhood nickname startled him out of the vision. He blinked Lily's face back into focus, seeing the question in her eyes.

"I want...I want to research things. I know I could improve the Potion-making process. I have done. And I...you've seen me create spells. If I could combine the two...I'd want to do that I think. I've thought of going into Alchemy, but it's hard to find a mentor in the field. I'd settle for being a Potions Master and doing Spell-Crafting on the side. Maybe as a researcher, or an Unspeakable if I wanted to get Ministry support and funding."

"Do you want to do things that might hurt people?"

"No!" That response escaped him before he could think about it. "Why would you ask me that?"

Lily reached out and touched his hand, preventing him from leaping to his feet and storming away. "I asked because I've seen you hurt people, and I've seen you laugh at people being hurt. I wanted to know if it was because you really enjoyed it. Or if it was something else."

"I've only ever gone for Potter and his mates." Severus bit down hard on a sneer. "And you know it's never a fair fight with them."

"I know. But you laughed at what Avery did to Mary MacDonald, last fall."

Severus scowled. "And she laughs every time Potter and his mates have a go at me. Least, she does if she's there. She certainly sneers enough when they call me Snivellus, or slimy snake, or rubbish like that."

"But if it's only in revenge...why did you call me a mudblood last year?" Lily's eyes were troubled as they searched out his own.

"Because..." He swallowed hard, remembering that horrible afternoon. "I...I don't know. I...I was just...Potter had me upside down, and they were...I didn't do anything to them, and they ambushed me. Potter had my wand from me before I even had a chance. And Black...and then...they...you saw what they were doing...and I knew..." He bit his lip, looking away. "I knew I'd be in for it, no matter what. They'd already humiliated me. It'd only get worse, whether you helped me, or they stripped me. And I couldn't...I couldn't bear...I know what people would have said, what they have said, about you defending me. I couldn't bear it. I just...I couldn't. And...I wasn't thinking, except that I didn't want you to see me like that. Ever. I was so angry...I said the worst thing I could think of, to make you go away. It was stupid, and I hated it the minute I said it, and I never meant to say it, but...Salazar and Gryffindor both, Lily, you can't imagine what it was like, hanging there like that, with half the school laughing at me and Potter threatening to do...to do that to me."

He shut his eyes tight, unable to believe what he'd said. He tried to stop, but the confession, the thoughts that had tugged at his mind all summer, every moment he hadn't managed to distract himself, poured from him. "Gods above Lily, you've no idea what it's like. You're smart and pretty and well-liked, and you've so many friends who are your friends just because. Not like me. People befriend me because I can give them things, like help with assignments and advice on potions and spells. No one in Slytherin would give me the time of day if I weren't good at my subjects. And no one outside the House will, either because they think Slytherins are evil, or because they're afraid Potter and his blokes would target them too. And then I go home...and you know what I go home to. They haven't changed, except to get worse. And it was just...it was just the last straw."

He forced his eyes open then, all the desperation in his soul tumbling out of him. "Don't you see, Lily? I don't...I don't think you're a Mudblood, and I don't care about blood and all that rubbish, but I have to talk and think like my Housemates. And who besides His followers is going to help me? No one here cares. I haven't the money or the connections, aside from people like Lucius and Avery and Wilkes, to make my own way. What choice do I have?"

His voice cracked on the last words. He blamed it on his still turbulent emotions. It had only been two days since he'd woken, and the Fire was still sullen embers under his ribs. Between that and the confusing goings-on of the past two days, he felt...ragged.

"You have a choice." Lily's other hand covered his. "You have a choice if you want one, Sev. I know you don't believe it, and I understand why but...there are people out there who realize your worth. People who aren't would-be followers of the Dark Lord. If you really want another option Severus, I'll help you."

"How?" He swallowed hard on a lump in his throat. "How, if you won't even forgive me?"

"Because, listening to what you said...I do forgive you. I think I started to a few days ago, when I heard you'd been ill."

"Is that when you went to the Kitchen Elves and told them what to feed me?" Somehow, somewhere, he managed to find a crooked little grin. "I...I have noticed the past few days. I thought it was Prefect Attwater, but when I asked, the House Elves told me it was a 'young miss'."

Lily flushed. "When I heard you were ill, I thought...I wanted to help." She tugged away from him, but it was more embarrassment than distancing. "I went after the meeting."

"I thought so. I...thank you. I've been eating pretty well." It was Severus's turn to look away.

"In that case...will you forgive me? For taunting you? For joining in with Potter, even if I did walk away?" Lily's voice lost it's humor in a second, returning to solemnity. "And for...for not listening to you at the end of last term?"

"Of course I would." He'd never questioned that. "You don't have to do anything for that. But I...I do appreciate that you went to the kitchen elves. And the laundry elves."

Lily blinked at him. "Laundry Elves? I only suggested some foods to the Kitchen Elves."

Severus flushed. "Oh." He blinked. "I...someone replaced all my clothes. I thought, if you'd been talking to the house elves, that you might have said something..."

Lily shook her head. "I only talked to them about food."

Severus swallowed. "I guess I need to thank Prefect Attwater then." The sooner the better. He didn't like taking gifts without knowing the price tag.

They sat in silence for a few moments, before Severus managed to pull himself together. "I've got my Charms, Potions and Arithmancy homework, and we've got some time before curfew, if you'd like to study together a bit." There were a thousand other things he wanted to say, but that was the easiest to get out.

Lily smiled at him. "I'd like that." She pulled out her own books. "In Arithmancy...I was having a bit of trouble with some of the equations from the text..." She started flipping through the book. Severus got out his own notes. Within five minutes, they both had their homework out. Within ten, they were working together like nothing had ever driven them apart.

Severus immersed himself in his Arithmancy notes, explaining his theories and listening to Lily's, and tried not to think about how long it would take for this to be broken.

He wouldn't let Potter and Black destroy this a second time. Not if they stripped him naked and hung him from the ceiling of the Great Hall with a sign calling him Snivellus, for everyone to see.

He wondered what Lily had meant about friends he didn't know and choices. As he turned a page in his book, to point out where he'd gotten part of his theory for the problem they were working on, he resolved to find out. Starting with talking to Attwater as soon as possible.

***ASiSF***

On the other side of the shelves, Remus smiled. He'd asked Lily to allow him to monitor them, in case something went wrong, and she'd agreed. They both knew that Slytherin politics might intervene, or Severus himself. Severus required a careful touch.

He'd brought along his own textbooks as camouflage, and made sure to be set up well before Severus arrived. Fortunately, Severus had been so focused on meeting Lily that he hadn't even glanced his way.

He hadn't been surprised by Severus's outburst. Not when he'd already suspected much of what the other boy had said, regarding his emotions during the disaster and his in-House situation. Nor was he surprised that Severus hadn't told Lily about the Tenebris Inferno, or his injuries. Had he been in Snape's shoes, he wouldn't have mentioned it either.

He had, on the other hand, been surprised by Snape's ambitions. Alchemy was a rare field indeed. Though it made sense, with his talents. And with his passion and curiosity, the goal of being an Unspeakable was hardly surprising either. Though it was odd to think that being a Potions Master was actually low on Severus's list.

Then again, with the range of his skills, why would he want to enter a field that only utilized part of them? Remus wouldn't want to. In his case, options were limited because of his nature as a werewolf, but if he could do anything, he wouldn't limit himself to just Defense any more than Severus apparently wanted to be stuck with 'just' Potions.

He made notes about Snape's ambitions, then quietly slipped his things into his bag and prepared to leave. He waited until Severus and Lily began talking about Arithmancy theory, then slipped out of his seat and padded on quiet feet towards the library door. He didn't want to do anything to alert Severus to his presence, after all.

He had other research to do. And after two days of classes, he had a fair guess what textbooks Snape would need.

It was time to start phase two of their plan.

Author's Note: Severus is awake! And things are patched up between him and Lily.

Yeah...it's not always going to be that easy, but poor Sev deserves a bit of a break...

Next time: Severus talks with some people, and some people put more plans in motion.