Chapter 8: Tensions
The next week passed slowly for Remus. Full moon weeks were always tedious. The growing ache in his joints, the fight to keep his uncertain temper in check, and the increasing levels of sensory input were all frustrating.
It didn't help that he was facing this full moon with a dread he hadn't felt in over a year. He'd decided, after much thought, that he didn't want his friends to accompany him. They'd patched things up some, over homework and 'the Snape project' as James put it, but after the revelation at the beginning of the year…
He just couldn't trust them. Couldn't trust himself. All it took was one wrong step. And while Peter might lack the confidence to stop it, and James might only be careless, Sirius had taken that step deliberately. Cocky, careless or simply angry and unthinking, he couldn't afford to risk it.
He'd told them that, very firmly, the first time James spoke up about what they might do during the full moon night. He'd seen their faces fall, but he'd been firm.
Remus sighed, stretching carefully against the cramped feeling in his back. His eyes fell on the heavy, neatly wrapped package on his bedside table.
Snape hadn't ever responded to his last letter. He knew what Lily had said, but he didn't want to wait too long to reopen communications. Too long, and Severus might retreat beyond any chance of reaching him. Even more worrisome, Sirius and James might decide it wasn't worth the effort.
He planned to have the letter sent the first day he was confined. He'd asked James to send it, as the least volatile of his friends, with a hint that how successful they were might go a long way toward convincing him to recant on his new rules about the full moon. James had promised to send the package.
In the meantime, he'd asked Lily to keep an eye on Severus, and let him know how the Slytherin youth was doing. He saw Snape frequently in classes, but that gave him hardly any information. After all, Severus had an impeccable mask in public. The only way to draw him out of it would be to anger him enough to break through his self-imposed aloofness. And that would only end badly.
Remus sighed, then rose and dressed for breakfast. He had two days before Madam Pomfrey took him to the Shrieking Shack, and he wanted to get as much time with his friends as possible, since he'd have no time with them during his confinement.
Besides, Sirius and James had planned their first prank for today. He wanted to see it, for the laugh. But he also wanted to see Severus's face. It might give him a clue about his mood.
With that in mind, he collected his class books and made his way down to the Great Hall.
***ASiSF***
Severus made his way up to the Great Hall, feeling...tired.
After the turmoil of the previous week, tired was the best he could hope for, and he almost welcomed the weariness that spread through his veins.
He'd been keeping himself busy since that fateful day. He hadn't written back to his mysterious Associate, unwilling to risk subjecting himself to that hurt again. Instead, he'd buried himself in his homework, of which he had more than enough, in his independent projects, and in his friendship with Lily, though that brought it's own form of stress.
They'd managed to meet twice that week, getting together in the library. Severus had made liberal use of Notice-Me-Not Charms for each visit. He had to. Avery's attention seemed to have waned, but he wasn't fool enough to think that his House had ceased to watch him. Nor was he fool enough to think that his excuses would hold much weight if it was discovered that he and Lily had renewed their friendship.
Still, it was worth it. Lily would always be worth it. He was willing to make far more effort than a little sneaking and a few spells to be able to see her. Despite all the frustration he felt, the helpless sense of entrapment, Lily soothed him.
The first evening, they'd talked about the letter a bit, heads bent over their Arithmancy textbooks to make it look like they were really just tutoring each other. Lily didn't like the secretiveness, but she was more understanding of it than she'd been in previous years. Whether she finally understood his position, or just cared enough about him not to mention it was unclear, and he hardly cared.
It had been Lily who pointed out, rather apologetically, that she hadn't realized how bad it was for him before. And she had known him for years, and was aware of his home life. She had understood his anger, but had pointed out, very gently, that anyone at school might have been as blind as she had been. She also reminded him of what Attwater had said, about 'wanting to make it right'.
'Sometimes, Sev, people just have to be hit over the head with something to really understand it. Maybe it's a lack of maturity, and your Associate grew up over the summer. Maybe it was just someone who wasn't paying proper attention, or didn't know how to help.'
He'd thought about that a lot, over the past few days, drifting off to sleep at night. It wasn't enough to completely erase the hurt and anger inside him, but it made sense.
Of the rest of the week, he'd spent three days in the Common Room, making himself visible and available, so that no one could get suspicious of his absence. It was annoying, the way Avery and Rosier would make occasional rude comments. And with so much work of his own, it was downright irritating to have to tutor people. Sometimes, with the younger years, it was all right. But then there were the idiots in his own year, stumbling over material they would have known, if they'd just bothered to read the course material, or do a little independent research. They were bloody N.E.W.T students, after all.
He wondered how they expected to survive outside Hogwarts, with no one to hold their hands and explain everything to them five times, or direct them to the right books and chapters.
Of course, most of them had old, well-connected and well-off families. They'd probably either not need to work for a living, or use their family name to get whatever position they wanted.
When he thought about that, it made him want to hex someone.
It was worse when some of the snobbier students, like Wilkes and Avery, made comments that subtly implied he ought to be beholden to them. As if they'd ever done anything for him really. They might have included him, to a certain extent, or protected him now and then, but they'd never really helped him.
It filled him with confusion. Two years ago, he'd been grateful for what assistance they did give him. For their friendship, their advice. He'd welcomed their protection, no matter how infrequent it was, and rejoiced when they'd returned a measure of humiliation or pain upon his enemies, calling it vengeance for him. Now, he found their attitudes grating.
He wondered when it had changed. When he'd been practically handed to a werewolf, and no one had helped him find justice? When he'd been humiliated by the lake, and no one besides Lily had helped him, either during the confrontation or afterwards. He hadn't been forthcoming about either event, being under a vow of secrecy for one and too shamed to speak of the other, but shouldn't someone, if they really valued him, have tried? It wasn't like the incident by the lake had been a huge secret, not when he'd had more than one Slytherin congratulate him on finally putting 'that Mudblood Gryffindor' in her proper place.
Or maybe it had changed when he'd woken up and found himself cared for. When he'd put on new, or near-new robes for the first time in his schooling, and been able to walk out of the dorm without being embarrassed and hoping no one noticed the condition of his clothes.
Maybe it had been when he'd confronted Attwater, and been told that, as a student, he deserved to be taken care of. No one had ever said anything of the sort. Not here and not at home. Even if it was for the sake of the school's reputation rather than his own, it was still worth something.
Or maybe...maybe it had been when he'd received a kind letter and a gift from someone, from an Associate, and an offer for friendship. As much as it angered him, that someone might only now have realized what his life was like, the fact that they'd done something to try and help him...it felt good. Even if he told himself he was being a fool to expect such goodwill to last for long. Even if he told himself it was likely a cruel joke, or a debt that he would be called upon to pay, after he'd accepted too much to easily back out.
Severus shook his head, and forced himself to think of something else. His experimental concoction for protecting hair from Potions fumes. His first few tries had been failures. One had left his hair looking even oilier than usual. One hadn't worked at all. One had left his hair feeling awful, dry and crackly and brittle, which to his mind was not an improvement.
There had been one that he thought might work, but closer examination proved that some of the ingredients would react with certain fumes, with horrible consequences. Rapid absorption of hellebore and nightshade through the scalp, for example, which would probably kill anyone who used it.
Still, he was making progress. He'd followed up on the 'baking soda' idea, and gone to the kitchens to request several items. After all, cooking was cooking, and the ingredients for making bread rise or pickling foods were the same whether you were magical or muggle. House Elves might be able to put things together faster and easier than anyone else, but they needed the same supplies.
Just because it wasn't 'typical' potions ingredients didn't mean it was a bad idea. After all, someone had to be first to use any ingredient.
And if he worked this out, he might be able to expand, creating a whole range of 'easy household potions'. Even if he couldn't sell the potions themselves, publishing the instructions for them had the potential to be very profitable. As Lily had pointed out, there were plenty of young witches, and older witches, who'd like something of the sort.
And honestly, he thought he might be able to sell the potions anyway, to the rich elite who'd never set foot within a meter of their kitchen, let alone around the raw ingredients for their meals. He couldn't imagine anyone like Narcissa Black, Lucius's new wife, even knowing what baking soda was.
He reached the Entrance Hall, stopping warily as he heard footsteps coming from the direction of the towers. It could be Ravenclaws, or even Hufflepuffs, but he was in no mood to deal with potential Gryffindors, and he preferred to avoid them if possible.
Moments later he was relieved he'd stopped. The Marauders, all four of them, crossed the hall, disappearing into the Great Hall for breakfast. Severus waited a few minutes, then slipped in behind them. The Marauders had already been seated and started eating, which meant they were paying too much attention to their own plates to do anything to him.
He made his way to the Slytherin table and began eating. By now, his appetite had grown to something more normal for a young man his age. At least, he thought it had. It was difficult to tell, between students who barely ate more than toast for breakfast and students who could clear half a table by themselves if left to it. Either way, he was eating more than he had been, and his favorites continued to appear near his plate, though he'd started finding heavier foods, more normal to the Hogwarts menu, near as well, as if someone was gauging his health or trying to discover what other foods he liked. He appreciated the effort either way, and made a point of finding some fruit and a few pastries that he enjoyed, even if he had to get up and get them from further down the table.
He'd just filled his plate and picked up his fork when someone yelped from across the Hall, a high-pitched sound of startled indignation. He looked up.
Most of the students at the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw tables were sporting hair in stripes of their house colors. Red and gold for the Gryffindors, blue and bronze for the Ravenclaws. And not muted colors either, but bright ones, as if someone had walked up and down the tables with a paint brush and dyed the students' hair in stripes, then coated the remaining areas with metallic paint. It was horribly garish, and no surprise that students up and down the tables were reacting with surprise and dismay.
Severus immediately hunted for the Marauders. All of them had hair their normal color, making it obvious where the prank came from. The fact that Potter and Black were smirking like loons only cemented his certainty.
He didn't know why the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins hadn't been effected. He didn't care. He looked down at his plate, his appetite gone. It was clear that, whatever had kept the Marauders quiet since the start of term, it had worn off.
"Better watch your back, Snape. Looks like the Gryff-dorks are up to their usual tricks again." Regulus was scowling at his brother as he spoke. Severus nodded, not trusting his voice.
The Marauders were back. Which meant they'd be after him soon enough.
He pushed himself to his feet, muttered something about schoolwork and an upset stomach, and fled the Hall as quickly as he could without actually running. His thoughts were churning, a maelstrom that wouldn't settle. His stomach wasn't much better. In fact, he had to duck into an unused classroom halfway down the dungeons, panting as he tried to keep from retching up what little might be in him.
How long before he was the Marauders victim again? And what would they do to him now that they knew his secrets?
The thought of his home life being revealed, of his secrets being spread throughout the school, was enough to destroy what little control he had. Severus doubled over, heaving. There was only bile in his stomach, since he hadn't eaten anything, but it burned and it smelled quite bad enough. He managed to banish the mess with a gasping 'Evanesco', then sank to the floor, shivering.
He wanted to believe that Attwater had told the truth about standing up for him if there were more incidents. He wanted to believe that Lily would stand by him. He wanted to think that his fellow Slytherins might help him, that this mysterious Associate might intervene, or even that the teachers might realize the truth and step in. But…
Attwater couldn't be there all the time. Lily might stand with him, or she might decide that his reaction the last time warranted distance. His fellow Slytherins probably wouldn't bother, and even if they did, they'd most likely demand payment from him for the 'privilege' of being protected or avenged. As for his 'Associate' and the teachers...well, they'd never been there for him before now. And Dumbledore probably would support the Marauders even if they had magically managed to pull their heads out of their arses.
Severus closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he tried to get himself under control. The exercise managed to calm his stomach and slow his breathing, but it couldn't stop the frantic thoughts that circled through his mind.
How long? How much time did he have before he was once more humiliated in front of the school by the Marauders?
***ASiSF***
Remus had been watching the Slytherin table carefully. He saw the wave of color as the timed spell James and Sirius had set to the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw table, specifically the drink goblets, activated, turning everyone's hair their house colors.
As pranks went it was mildly amusing, fairly harmless, and easy to put back to rights. Remus suspected that Flitwick would have it sorted out within an hour. And since none of the four of them had the brightly colored hair, most people would figure out who had done it, and demand the counter from James and Sirius. Even if they declined to give it out, sooner or later a teacher would request the counter-charm, and then it would spread.
Lily was scowling at them. She knew about the prank, of course, but she'd elected to be pranked in case Snape was paying attention. They didn't want to raise his suspicions about her, and the fact that she was working with them.
Speaking of Snape...Remus returned his attention to the Slytherin table. Severus was easy to spot. He was sitting perfectly still, an untouched plate of food in front of him. The Slytherin youth was staring at the Ravenclaws who had been pranked, his face almost salt white.
Remus felt his stomach clench hard. Snape looked...well, in anyone else, he'd have said horrified. Far more than a simple hair-coloring prank warranted. Remus saw Regulus lean over and mutter something, only for Severus to lunge out of his seat, pale and sick-looking, and break for the doors.
Remus had seen him come in. He'd looked fine then. His full plate attested to the fact that he hadn't been feeling ill before their prank. Even across the Hall, Remus could see Snape's plate had been loaded with a full, balanced meal.
He slid out of his seat, muttering a Disillusionment as he did so, and followed Snape. He knew James and Sirius would demand an explanation, but he wanted to know what was going on. He needed to know. It was obvious that something, something about the prank, had set Snape off badly.
He managed to follow his quarry out of the Hall and down towards the dungeons, which only strengthened his suspicions that Snape was upset, rather than ill. Otherwise, he should have headed toward the Infirmary. He paused, his steps slowing as Severus ducked into an unused classroom. After a moment, he ventured forward, testing the air for wards or barriers.
That he encountered none told him just how shaken Severus Snape was. He set the thought aside, slipping through the door just enough to see Snape, without being inside fully. He wound up crouching, half in and half out of the room.
So close to the full moon, all his senses had sharpened even further. He could sense Snape's anxiety, his fear, rolling off the other boy in waves. He could see, even in the dimmed lights of the room, Snape's trembling and still-white complexion. He could smell the faint water-and-salt scent of sweat or tears, and the underlying sharpness of panic. He could hear the low, shuddering rasp of Snape's breathing, the racing of his heart.
He'd seen symptoms like that before. Snape was having a panic attack, or something close enough that it made no difference. Peter had them often enough. Practically every time there was an exam, though he'd gotten better about it over the years.
Remus winced as Severus lost whatever internal battle he'd been waging and hunched over, spewing his guts onto the floor. There wasn't much to come up from the looks of it, but the smell was sharp and nauseating, and he had enough experience with similar things to know the cramping, heaving twist of a rebelling stomach was no picnic. If it had been anyone else, he would have stepped forward to help them, but he had a feeling he'd only make the situation worse if he did.
Snape managed to banish the mess before he sank to the floor, back against the wall, tucked into a ball with his arms resting on his folded knees. Gradually, the other teen's heartbeat and breathing slowed.
He was calmer, but Remus could still smell, with an intensity that bordered on taste, the sharpness of fear. Fear and pain.
He slid away from the door and stood, retracing his steps toward the Entrance Hall. He didn't want to chance Severus finding him there. Or knowing that he'd seen him in such a state.
It was clear Snape was troubled, deeply troubled. And as near as Remus could tell, it was because of the prank that James and Sirius had played.
He didn't think it was the hair colors themselves. They were just House colors after all. Nor did he think it was the charm. After all, Severus was a gifted spell-caster. Chances were that, even if he had been affected, he could have sorted it out on his own.
They'd been careful not to prank the Slytherin table, so Snape couldn't be troubled about his own hair turning colors. Which meant that the only other thing about the prank that could have upset him was it's source. Or, at least, it's probable source. The Marauders.
That such a minor prank, as well as one that didn't even target him, could affect Snape so badly was troubling. He'd thought Snape might be displeased, angry, or even a little uneasy, but not so bad that he'd leave breakfast and work himself into a state of panic, to the point of throwing up.
He was halfway across the Entrance hall when someone seized him and jerked him towards an empty chamber. If his nose hadn't detected James's familiar scent, he'd have hexed the idiot. As it was, he managed to regain his balance and follow as the other boy dragged him into the room, where the rest of their group was waiting. Lily had already had the prank reversed, and looked worried.
"Moony...what was that all about?" James scowled. "Taking off like that..."
"I was following Snape. Didn't you see him leave?" Remus kept his voice calm.
"I wasn't paying attention. Why?" James blinked. "We didn't prank any Slytherins, and we were extra careful to avoid pranking him, so I don't see what's got your tail in a twist."
"He looked upset. I was curious." Remus winced a little as he admitted that. How often had 'curiosity' served as an excuse for following and harassing Snape in the past?
And with that thought, he understood why Severus was in a near-panic over their prank. "Merlin's bloody arse..."
"What?" Sirius moved forward.
"Severus. I didn't think...we didn't think...he doesn't, he can't know that he's safe from us. But if he has any memories of the first day of term, then he probably knows..." Remus broke off, scrubbing his hand through his hair. "I should have realized. I know what it's like to have a secret you're ashamed of revealed. I know how I felt when you lot found out about mine...if Severus remembers that he revealed his secrets to us..."
"Bollocks. I didn't think of that." James shook his head.
"Bugger." Sirius winced. "I didn't either. It'd be a bit like how I feel about Regulus, and what he might tell his House-mates about my home life, wouldn't it?"
Lily frowned. "I don't understand."
James sighed and looked at Remus. Remus understood. James was asking his permission. He thought about it, then nodded. If Lily hadn't already figured out his secret, then she would soon enough. There was no point in hiding it. Besides, there was every chance that Severus might reveal it himself.
"It's like this." James pulled out his wand and transfigured some odds and ends into reasonably comfortable chairs. "Sirius has...well, let's just say he and his parents don't get on. And it got bad enough that this summer, Siri came to live with me rather than stay where he wasn't wanted."
"My mother disowned me for being a Gryffindor." Sirius interrupted, his voice venomous. "And that was the least of it. James is trying to be polite, but there's the truth of it. They don't want me, and I don't want to be associated with them either."
"Oh." Lily winced.
"Yeah. And Remus...well, Remus has what we like to call his furry little problem."
Remus broke in. He wasn't in the mood for dancing around it. "What James is trying to say, politely, is that I'm a werewolf. I was infected as a child. Dumbledore pulled some strings to allow me into Hogwarts as a student, as long as precautions are taken. Two days from now, I'll be in a safe location for the duration of the full moon. I'll stay there until the moon wanes, and then I'll come back, recover, and return to classes until the next full moon."
"Oh." Lily frowned in thought. Then she blinked. "Severus...he knows, doesn't he? He hinted about it, once or twice...mentioned that he'd seen you going off..."
"He knows. Albus made sure he couldn't say anything." James spoke up, his voice quiet. "You might as well know...last year, before the Lake incident...Sirius told Severus how to get into Remus's refuge. He thought it would be…." He trailed off.
"I thought he was too nosy for his own good and deserved whatever he got. I figured Remus would scare the piss out of him, and we'd have a good laugh, and maybe he'd keep his beak out of our business." Sirius grimaced. "I was an idiot. Lucky for Remus, James has more sense than I do. When he heard, he went and rescued Snape before something bad happened. It was all hushed up to keep Remus from being investigated and expelled."
Lily stood frozen. Then, she spoke, her voice low and so toneless it raised Remus's hackles. "You...you sent him to a werewolf? And then...you...you had the gall, the sheer unmitigated gall, to attack him, without provocation, during O.W.L week?"
James and Sirius sensed the danger as well. "Umm...yeah...it was pretty stupid of us..."
"You...you prats! You utter, bloody…bastards!" The words went from toneless to a shriek. Without another word, Lily whipped out her wand and started firing hexes.
Remus ducked. Sirius and James weren't far enough away and took the full brunt of her temper. Remus saw Peter start to draw his wand, and surreptitiously disarmed him. Not only did he think Peter was out-classed, but he rather thought Lily's punishment was fitting.
Within minutes, James and Sirius had each been hung upside down, hit with a Stinging Hex, hit with a Scourgify, dropped, picked up again, and hit with a Boils Hex and an Itching Hex. Then dropped. Between the scratching and the fall, Remus wasn't surprised that both boys yelped in pain. Or when they curled up in small balls, whimpering and fighting the urge to scratch and break more of the painful looking boils.
Lily whirled to him. "And you..."
Remus held up his hands. "I didn't know about the prank during the full moon. I'd have reported them myself if I had. I didn't find out until the first day of this term, when Snape let it slip. And I know I should have done more to stop the Lake incident. I know that. Lily..." He paused. "Look, if you want to hex me senseless, fair enough, but wait a bit, all right? I'm not...it's too close to the full moon. It's not safe."
Lily paused, then lowered her wand, slowly. "Fine. I'll leave you to take care of these prats then. And make sure they don't talk to me. I'm going to make sure Severus is all right." With that, she spun on her heel and marched out the door.
Remus watched her go, then turned to his two companions. The Itching Hex was easy enough to counter, but the boils would have to be treated by Madame Pomfrey, especially the burst ones. "Peter, help me get them up. We'll have to go to the Infirmary."
Peter nodded and helped James stand. Both boys were moving gingerly, wincing. Sirius growled as he made his way to his feet. "Ouch. Evans has a nasty temper on her." He whimpered, likely as a boil was rubbed by clothing.
"Well, you can't say you didn't earn it, even if it was rather delayed." Remus had no patience for Sirius whining. He took his dorm-mate's arm. "Come on. We'd better get these tended to, so we can get to classes."
"Yeah." Sirius nodded. Then winced again.
"Well, it could have been worse." James minced his way over, leaning a bit on Peter and grimacing. "At least Snape didn't see it."
"Point." Sirius sighed. "All right. Remus...please, can we at least have a Numbing Charm?"
Numbing Charms were one of the useful things he'd learned, to deal with minor injuries after transformations. It helped a bit for scratches and bruises. Remus considered, then cast it on both his friends. At least with the Charm, they'd be able to move faster and they'd complain less.
Sirius and James both sighed as the Charm took affect, then exited, making their slow path to the Infirmary. Remus helped Sirius up the stairs, thinking to himself.
He couldn't deny that Lily had been well within her rights to hex the pair. Or that he probably deserved the same. But then, he had his transformation coming up. If Lily cooled off enough to forgive him, that would have to be enough.
He sighed and put such thoughts aside. He had more important things to think about, like what he was going to write in the letter James would send for him in two days.
***ASiSF***
Severus managed to pull himself together enough to get to Defense on time, but only just. Interestingly enough, the Marauders were absent when he arrived.
Lupin and Pettigrew turned up ten minutes late to class, with a note. Black and Potter didn't show up until more than halfway through, both with chagrined looks and slow, careful movements. It didn't escape Severus's notice that both of them winced when they glanced in Lily's direction. Lily's glare, hot enough to scorch the desk, didn't escape him either.
He wondered what that was about, but there was no chance to ask.
After class was lunch, then Herbology. Lily arrived for that class before he did. She smiled when he entered, and sent a note skittering across the work-tables to him with a flick of her wand.
He unfolded it. It was short, but simple.
Stay behind after class with me? So we can talk?
Well, that was easy enough to answer. He met her eyes, then answered with a brief nod before burying the note in his pocket.
Herbology seemed to crawl past after that. Fortunately for Severus, it wasn't a class many of his Year-Mates in Slytherin took, so there was no one there to notice the looks he sent in Lily's direction. Nor was there anyone to notice when he stayed back, approaching Professor Sprout with some questions about various plants that he was considering using for his 'Hair Care Potion' while Lily lingered, citing some questions about home gardening as her own reason to stay.
After the Professor had answered their questions (she'd suggested some less acidic plants Severus could try, to replace the lemon juice while still having a cleansing effect and a pleasant smell) they escaped, making their way to the grounds. The sun was low in the late afternoon sky and it was a bit chilly, but still bearable.
Lily was the first to break their mutual silence. "Are you all right? You looked ill when you left breakfast, and I didn't get a chance to ask you earlier."
"I...I'm fine. Just..." Severus paused, wondering what he could say that wouldn't be a lie, and wouldn't reveal too much. "Just...I don't trust Potter and his friends. If they're up to tricks again, then I don't like my chances for not being a target. I was hoping..." He shook his head.
"I thought it might be something like that." Lily's voice was soft. "But...you do know there are people who will help you, right? You said Attwater promised to watch out for you. And there's your Associate, whoever they are. And me."
"I know. But..." He shook his head again. "Attwater can't be there all the time. Whoever's sending me those notes...well, why should they get involved? Especially since it would tip their hand."
Lily's hand touched his arm, stroking soothingly down the cloak sleeve before she laced her fingers through his. "There's still me."
"I know." Severus stopped, scrubbing his free hand through his hair. "I know, and I appreciate it, Lily. I do. But after last year...I don't want that again. Not like that. I don't want either of us...I just..." He stopped, unable to articulate what he felt.
"Well, then we both have something to work on." Lily tugged his arm until he faced her, then untangled her fingers so she could touch his cheek. "You'll have to work on controlling your temper, even when it's really hard, and not saying things like that. And I'll have to work on understanding if you forget." Severus blinked at her as she continued. "I'm not saying I won't get angry, Sev. If you really don't want to go down that path, if blood really doesn't matter to you, then you can't say things like that and expect me not to get angry. But...if that happens, I won't help them humiliate you. I'll still help you. And then you'll have to apologize, and we'll go from there. Can we do that?"
"Yeah." Severus nodded, exhaling as the tight knot in his chest seemed to loosen. "I think...I think I can do that."
"Then we should be all right."
"I guess." Severus swallowed. "It's just..." He bit his lip, torn between the part of him that wanted to guard his secrets, and the part of him that wanted to trust her.
"It's just...what, Sev?" Lily's voice was gentle, coaxing but not demanding, and it was enough to relax him. Enough for a few words to slip through.
"You know what my parents are like. The...the fights and all. And my da's temper, when he's been in the bottle a while. The first day of term, Potter and Black were...anyway, my parents were worse than usual over summer, and I...I slipped. Potter and his cronies...they know a bit now, and I...if they use that against me, Lily...like they did last year, when they only knew about my clothes being worn..." the words shuddered to a stop.
"If they know, they know. You can't just Obliviate them. But I promise you, if they use it against you, I'll hex them worse than I did this morning." Lily's voice was calm, but sure, and it dragged him out of his darkening mood.
"This morning?" He blinked at her. "You mean...you were the reason they were late to Defense?"
"Yeah. They were being so smug about that prank they pulled. I hexed them into giving me the counter to it." Lily grinned at him.
"I'd noticed you got it reversed quick, but I thought it was just because you're so good with Charms."
Lily's cheeks went a bit pink. "Thanks for the compliment. But actually, I just hexed the toerag and his friend. With boils. And a mild Itching Hex. And then I got Lupin and Pettigrew to take them to Madam Pomfrey."
"Ah." Severus found himself chuckling at the image of Potter and Black, wincing along with boils and trying not to scratch. "That's pretty wicked, Lily."
She shrugged. "I thought later that it might be a little harsh for a Hair Coloring Charm, but maybe it'll teach them to be more careful about what sort of pranks they pull. Or at least, teach them not to be so smug about it." She smiled at him.
"One hopes. I won't hold my breath though." Severus smiled back, then shivered as a gust of wind blew down the back of his collar. "We ought to go inside. It's getting cold, and anyway, we both have homework. And I promised to help my dorm-mates with their Potions assignment."
Lily nodded. "I ought to work on that one as well. Will you be able to meet me in the Library Saturday?"
Severus considered. "I think so. If I'm in the Common Room tonight and tomorrow, I ought to be able to get away." He paused. "Err...if you'd rather, I've made some progress on that project for Attwater. But I'm not exactly an expert in hair products...I could use a..."
"A feminine perspective?" Lily smirked at him.
"Something like." Severus grinned back, then shivered in another breeze. "Go ahead and go on in, Lily. I'm going to look at harvesting the plants Professor Sprout suggested, and then I'll be along."
Lily nodded and turned back to the castle. Severus watched her go, then turned back to the greenhouse, sorting over the list Sprout had given him for plants that could be harvested now, as opposed to those he'd need to wait for.
Getting the cuttings he needed took a while, long enough that he barely made it in for dinner, but at least he could be sure that no one would connect his arrival with Lily's.
It grated, having to be so cautious, but he could hardly trust Avery or Wilkes not to make an issue of it. To say nothing of Potter's little gang. He wasn't quite sure anymore which group concerned him more.
After dinner he retired to the Common Room, where he spent the rest of the evening trying to keep his temper while he explained, for the fourth time, where his dorm-mates had gone wrong with their Potions homework. It was frustrating, wasting his time with idiots who could barely tell fluxweed from knotgrass, and had no imagination whatsoever. He'd have rather been working on his potion research for Attwater.
When he finally retired for the night, his head was aching with frustration. He spent an hour jotting down different ideas that he'd work into his research, then fell asleep.
Friday passed slowly. He spent his morning free period working on assignments, and double-checking his Transfiguration homework. Transfiguration was one of his weaker subjects, but he was determined to excel in it, and bring his E score up to an O.
After class, he went to the library for some texts he didn't have, supplemental reading McGonnagall had recommended to him, and settled in the corner of the Common Room. There were fewer students who needed help that evening, though he spent a good hour with Regulus.
Regulus was one of the few people who had a decent grasp on Potions, and an actual desire to learn. Tutoring him was more rewarding than a hardship, and his grasp of theory was decent enough that Severus could explain some of the subtler parts of potion-making.
It also gave him a chance to put the plan he'd concocted that morning into action.
He waited until they were almost done before bringing it up. "Regulus...is Avery still wondering about me?"
Regulus blinked at him. "A bit. But he's relaxed a little. Why?"
"Because, I need to bring the Evans chit down to the Potions lab tomorrow, and I don't want him or Wilkes getting the wrong idea."
Regulus frowned. "Why on earth would you need her?"
"Because...I'm working on a project for a prefect." He saw Regulus open his mouth and shook his head. "Never mind which one. But I need a test subject, a girl. Normally, I wouldn't mind asking a fellow snake, but..." He grimaced. "It's one of those...appearance things..."
"You mean, like a beauty potion or salve or something?" Regulus snickered.
"Yes." Severus hissed the word, flushing. "It's a hair product, if you must know. But I'm not exactly an ideal test subject myself...and anyway, it's a female thing I'm supposed to be making, and I don't fancy smelling like that stuff they like to wear. I also don't fancy getting hexed bald or something by one of ours if the first batch or so turns out wrong. Evans shouldn't know anything I can't counter on my own, but you know Narcissa and Bellatrix taught several of the younger girls some...interesting spells."
Regulus winced. "That's true."
"So you'll tell Avery?" Severus scowled at him. "He doesn't listen to me. Thinks I'm going soft again, even though I've told him different."
"You're sure it's just for tests?" Regulus looked at him.
"Yes, I'm sure. Well, I promised her some tips on our latest Potions assignment if she helped me, but it's no more than that." Severus made an irritated gesture. "Look...tell Avery that I'm pretty sure I'll get a couple batches wrong. I'll tell him all about it after if he wants. And I haven't told Evans, but..." He twisted one corner of his mouth into a smirk. "I'll also be testing a couple prank potions for Potter's little gang on her as well. They'll still technically be 'hair products', but..."
Severus chuckled, and Regulus laughed with him. The younger Slytherin snickered for a few minutes. "I'll tell Avery. But let me know when you're going to use those pranks. I want a front row seat when my brother gets his. Sirius always was proud of that pretty hair of his."
"Fair enough." Severus helped Regulus gather his books, then collected his own and headed for his bed, flinging the curtains closed and spelling them shut. Only then did he heave a sigh of relief.
It had worked. He and Lily were safe.
Of course, he'd have to prank her at least once, maybe give her some of the already failed tests, for veracity. But that wouldn't be so bad. He could correct those issues easily enough.
He'd also have to tell her he was planning to prank the Marauders, and why. He hoped she'd understand.
***ASiSF***
Remus woke early Friday morning. His skin was crawling with the familiar full-moon restlessness. He wanted to scratch, but he restrained himself.
He'd be scratched up soon enough. That thought was enough to kill any appetite he might have had. As soon as classes were over, he was meant to go to Madam Pomfrey, and she would take him to the Whomping Willow.
For the past year, he'd had his friends by his side. Strange to think they wouldn't be there for him this time. Equally strange how accustomed he'd gotten to having them with him.
He spent his morning preparing the things for James to mail to Severus. He'd considered sending two books, but decided against it. He didn't want it too look like he was trying to buy acceptance. No, he'd send one book, same as before, along with the letter he'd spent most of the week working on. It was harder than he'd thought, writing something that sounded properly apologetic, without sounding too needy, or too snide, or too...well, too anything, really. He didn't want to snap, he didn't want to grovel, and he didn't want it to seem like he was accusing. He'd written half a dozen drafts before he finally got one he was satisfied with.
James, Sirius and Peter came up a little before lunch, bringing a meal from the kitchens. All of them knew what he could and would eat right before a transformation. They also knew his distaste for crowds, the way the noise of the Great Hall grated on his nerves.
His wolf wanted meat, hot and rare. His human side, on the other hand, knew there would be plenty of raw meat stocked in the Shack. Dumbledore and Hagrid would see to that, though he doubted Hagrid knew about his condition. Likely he just had orders from Dumbledore to supply him, and did what he was asked.
In the meantime, his human mind rebelled against the thought of meat. His wolf rebelled against almost everything else, except for broths and soups and, oddly enough, sweets. Peter also brought him some light, fluffy bread, which he managed to swallow down, well slathered with honey butter and cream.
Sirius watched him eat with dark, troubled eyes. "Moony...are you sure…?"
Remus swallowed the last bite of bread with a sigh. "Yes. I am."
"But...it's...I...I know what transformations are like for you...we could make it better..." Sirius stumbled to a halt as Remus fixed him with an amber-eyed stare.
"I know I'll feel much better, knowing you won't be there to lead any more people into the Shack to get mauled. Or maybe just terrified." Remus bit the words out, and watched Sirius wince.
"Moony's right. We lost that right." James sighed. "We were stupid, running about like that, I suppose…." He touched the package on Remus's bed, the neatly wrapped book with it's letter. "I understand where you're coming from, Remus. Just...for your sake and ours...promise me? If I do what you ask, with Snape...promise you'll reconsider?"
"If you deliver my letter, and let me know about any replies he sends while I'm indisposed...yes. I'll reconsider." Remus nodded.
The wolf inside him settled a little. Being estranged from the people his wolf considered 'pack' was highly uncomfortable. Mending fences, though it made his human mind feel vaguely guilty, at least calmed the wolf enough that he thought he might be able to get through Transfiguration class without trouble.
Afternoon class seemed to pass far too quickly. Every minute passed like a second. All too soon they were being dismissed, and he was making his way up the stairs to the Infirmary. It was the first time since second year that he'd made the trek alone, but he'd ordered the others to stay behind. He'd feared that, if they came so far with him, his resolve would break and he'd beg them to come with him.
Once in the Infirmary, Madam Pomfrey gave him a quick exam, then set up the warding on 'his' room. Remus put on the cloak, heavy with spells of Disillusionment and such, and followed her out of the castle. He could have walked to the Whomping Willow alone, of course, but Madam Pomfrey had always insisted on being there, to make sure he got past the tree, and to ensure the spells to keep him in were well-set.
The walk seemed to take no time at all, and then he was in the Shack. The room was heated with Warming Charms, supplies behind a set of enchanted bars that the wolf couldn't break through. Madam Pomfrey did one final check, then wished him well and left. Remus felt the wards snick into place behind her.
The sun was setting. Remus shed his cloak, then his shirt and trousers, his skin too sensitive with the oncoming change to endure clothes. Besides, he didn't really have enough spares to destroy his robes without reason, even if house elves and Reparo spells would fix the damage.
He knew the instant the moon rose over the horizon, shedding it's pale light over the land. The transformation overtook him, and Remus howled as his bones began to break, joints cracking as they snapped apart and reformed.
His last sane thought before the wolf took over was a hope that James would do as he had asked.
***ASiSF***
Severus woke Saturday morning feeling restless. On one hand he was excited, looking forward to testing his new potions ideas. He was pleased at the thought of spending most of his day with Lily as well, and even more so that he could do so without worrying about the scrutiny of his peers.
He was also a bit apprehensive, hoping Lily understood about the pranks he needed to play to keep Avery from getting suspicious. He thought it might help if he pranked himself as well, though he couldn't help the twisting in his gut at the thought of embarrassing himself in front of her.
Severus set the thoughts aside as he dressed in some of the worn robes that he'd asked the Laundry Elves to provide him. After all, he didn't want to ruin his new clothes with a possible Potions mishap. Fortunately, his old things hadn't been thrown out or incinerated, so he'd been able to reclaim a couple outfits for experimenting in.
He made his way to breakfast in a fog of thought, planning the various things he needed to achieve for the day. He was so engrossed in that, he was actually surprised when a large owl landed next to his plate.
The owl was carrying a parcel, and a letter, addressed in familiar handwriting. Severus felt his gut clench. He pulled both items free, grabbed two rolls and some fruit, and left the table before anyone could comment. If he was asked later, he'd say he'd had an idea he wanted to try. After five years of that sort of behavior, no one would question it, especially since it was likely that everyone in Slytherin knew by now he was working on some experiments today. That was one of the better things about Regulus. Give him something to tell others, and the whole school would know within hours. Give him a secret to keep, and he'd never utter a peep.
Severus got to the lab and warded it with privacy spells before he even considered opening either item. He thought about it, then opened the package first.
An Arithmancy text. Quite a good one, and up-to-date as well. His own was a little behind on some of the current Arithmantic developments. Severus paged through it, appreciative of the quality. The book would definitely be a help on his homework. He'd been afraid he'd have to trade a favor to get the appropriate material.
He turned his attention to the letter, feeling his gut clench as he did. Still, there was no point in delaying the inevitable. Best to know what it said, so he could plan his response.
Dear Mr. Snape,
I perceive, from the lack of return communication, that I have offended you in some way. For whatever offense I may have given, I do apologize. My only intention was to answer your query as honestly and completely as possible.
I cannot know for certain what might have offended you, though I can surmise it somehow involved my references to certain less than satisfactory circumstances in your life in past years. Perhaps my suppositions were even more unwanted than I had anticipated? Or perhaps it was only my acknowledgment of a certain situation involving your year-mates in red and gold? Looking back, I can see how such acknowledgment, coming as it does after five years of silence, might prove offensive. For this, I will state only that my own circumstances blinded me to many things they should not have. I cannot undo this, only move forward from here, and ask that you give me time to prove my sincere intentions from this point on.
You will find attached the next installment of aid that I had intended to render. It is not a bribe or an attempt at coercion, merely a continuation of the circumstances which attended my first letter, as I previously promised to send.
Severus remembered the first letter, and the promise of more books. In the ensuing communications and their aftermath, he'd almost forgotten. He continued reading.
If you are amenable to further communication, and can bring yourself to overlook my faults, then I await your reply, ideally with an answer to my previous query.
In any case, I hope to hear from you again.
An Associate
Severus stared at the letter. Then at the Arithmacy text. Then the letter again. Whoever had sent it was insightful, guessing at the reasons for his turmoil. Unsettlingly so. It was almost as if they knew him. But the only person who could have, or should have, known him so well was Lily, and he was positive that the handwriting wasn't hers. Besides, why would she be so evasive when they were already mending their relationship?
His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening to reveal Lily, carrying her school bag and a couple of breakfast sandwiches it looked like she'd put together. "Severus?"
"Here." He stood and helped her carry some of the stuff inside, before shutting the door and locking it with a spell. It was one that Slughorn or any teacher could probably bypass, but not one most of his year-mates would know.
Lily handed him one of the sandwiches. "You left breakfast in a hurry. Is everything all right?"
He shrugged. "I suppose. It's only...I...that Associate person wrote again, and sent that as well." He tilted his head to indicate the Arithmancy book. "I hadn't answered after that last letter." he flushed at her raised eyebrow. "I did think about what you said, Lily, I did...it's just...I don't know how I feel about everything." He ran a hand through his hair. "And I'd schoolwork, and this to be thinking of, plus I've been doing some tutoring in Slytherin. It was just..."
"Easier to stay busy and not think about it?"
"Err...yeah." Severus sighed.
Lily nodded. "I can sort of understand. I was just wondering if you were going to keep on ignoring them, now that they've written again."
"I...I don't guess I will." Severus slumped against the table. "I'm just not sure what to write. Their last question asked what I know about them, and I don't really know anything, and I've no idea what to say beyond that."
Lily shrugged. "They guessed about you. I would think that means that you're allowed to guess about them as well. Beyond that...say whatever you want to. Be honest, even if you're angry or irritable. The worst they can do is stop writing."
"That's true enough." Severus straightened. "I'll deal with it later. Right now...I've some ideas I want to test, and I want your opinion on them."
"All right." Lily started forward, but Severus stopped her. "Severus?"
He swallowed hard. "Ummm…before we start...Lily, there's something you need to know." He gulped. "Avery and some of the others...they were asking questions. Hinting...things. I told them that I was planning on getting some of the trials wrong, pranking you with them, that sort of thing. And that I'd be brewing experimental stuff to test on the Marauders too. It was the only way I could be sure they wouldn't...wouldn't do something unpleasant. I don't really want to do anything like that, only I told Avery I'd share the memory with him if he'd leave us be, so..."
"So you have to do something, to make it seem real." Lily pursed her lips, thinking. "Is anything you're thinking of going to be irreversible?"
"Shouldn't be, I don't think." Severus grimaced. "I can't promise anything Lily, these are all experiments. Anything can happen, you know that. But I wouldn't plan to do anything I couldn't fix."
"That's all right then. It'll just be good fun between us." Lily smiled.
Severus relaxed, returning her smile with a shy grin of his own. "Yeah."
The next few hours were both rewarding and entertaining. One potion made Lily's hair frizzy, another turned it an odd swamp mud color, and one made it lank and oily, worse than Severus's hair got on it's worst days. But as predicted, all the mistakes were easy to fix. Lily retaliated by charming Severus's hair and clothes different colors until he reversed whatever had happened.
In between brewing, they worked on homework, taking notes and discussing various subjects and theories. By the time they called an end to the session, Severus thought he might have gotten something decent as a hair care product, they'd got quite a bit done on their assignments, and it was near dinner time.
Lily left first, her hair an odd brownish color that would wash out in the shower. Severus cleaned up, then left as well, making sure to control his expression so that his elation over the events of the day wouldn't show.
He hadn't ever gotten around to asking Lily any more about the letter from his mysterious 'Associate' but that was all right. He'd decided, while they worked together, that he would answer. Whatever else happened, he was too much a Slytherin to ignore the possibilities. At the very least, he might get a few more textbooks out of the correspondence, and that was worth something.
That night at dinner, he fielded comments from his Housemates, then excused himself early, in theory to work on homework. Once he'd entered the dorm, however, he closed himself behind privacy spells and began to work on the letter.
He wanted it to be just right.
***ASiSF***
Sirius hadn't slept well. He was used to running free on the grounds when the moon was full. He was used to curling up with Moony and Prongs. Not being able to had made for a restless night, just like the night before.
Merlin, he missed romping in the full moon. He missed the sound of Remus's soft human snores, or the purring growls of his wolf form. He'd been tempted to sneak out anyway. The only thing that had stopped him had been the fact that Remus would likely never forgive him for ignoring his wishes. Besides, James hadn't snuck out either.
He emerged from the bathroom to find an owl on Remus's bed. He blinked at it, then spotted the spiky scrawl on the front of the envelope tucked in it's claws. He grinned.
Snape had written back. Remus would like that.
Convincing the owl to give up the letter took some doing, but he finally managed to coax the parchment free. After the owl flew away, he stood looking at the parchment, thinking.
He was tempted to open it, but it was for Remus. On the other hand, if it was from Snape, it was for his mysterious 'Associate' and they were all in on that. And Remus had asked them to deliver his letters while he was ill.
"Oi, what's that?" James sat up in his blankets, his rumpled hair looking even more tangled than usual.
"Letter from Snape. Looks like he sent a reply to the letter Moony wrote."
"Oh?" James perked up, then shoved his glasses up his nose before stumbling out of bed. "Well, open it then."
"Wasn't sure I should." Sirius shifted.
James nicked the letter with a deft flick of his wrist. "Remus told us to take care of his mail with Snape while he was out. How're we supposed to do that if we don't open it, eh?"
"Point." Sirius surrendered and watched as James unrolled the parchment, then moved so he could read the letter over his shoulder.
Esteemed Associate,
I confess myself to have been unsettled by your previous letter, especially your tendency towards speculation. However, I suppose I cannot prevent such contemplation in any case. And indeed, in order to provide any sort of answer to the question you posed me in your previous missive, I must engage in speculation of my own, given that you have not even extended me the courtesy of a name to address you by.
My speculations regarding you, then, are as follows:
You are closely associated with Hogwarts. Your comments regarding my classes are rather too accurate for you to be otherwise, to say nothing of your observations on other matters. Judging by your references to my skills in different areas, you have knowledge of both my current course-load and my grades and accomplishments in general.
Your form of address leads me to suppose that you are an elder student or a recent graduate. A younger student would not choose such address, and an elder or professor would not lower himself by addressing a Sixth Year Student as an associate, which implies some equality of position. Under this criteria, I would estimate you to be between 15 and 20 years of age, 14 at the outside.
I would also venture a guess that you were not or are not a Slytherin. Your methods of approach are not synonymous with the typical actions of members of that house, to say nothing of my own familiarity with the personality and handwriting of most recent graduates and current students.
Your handwriting and vocabulary indicates education beyond the general curriculum of Hogwarts. Therefore, you are either a studious individual or one of those whose family took pains to provide some sophistication, information and training outside of the school. Likewise, your gifts indicate that you either possess more than moderate resources, or are closely associated with others who possess such resources and are willing to share them.
Your speculations regarding my own situation indicate that you are naturally observant, or that you have researched me for some purpose of your own. In either case, you possess some reasoning skills, and your insistence on anonymity might imply discretion, if not for the willingness with which you imparted your ideas to me. I shall reserve judgment on that matter.
Your speculations also indicate that you have some experience in the wider world, as most do not reach the conclusions you came to without such experience. I shall leave my own considerations as to how such experience might be gained until I have further information.
I shall close this correspondence with the following query: How much of my own speculations are correct?
Sincerely,
Severus Snape of Slytherin House
Sirius read the letter through twice and snorted. "Prickly bugger, isn't he?"
"I guess. His writing's certainly more formal than my father at his worst." James made a face. "I'm almost glad he doesn't talk the way he writes, really."
"Yeah." Sirius rolled up the letter again. "So...should we write back?"
"Might as well. Remus won't be up to it till tomorrow or the day after, and it wouldn't do to make Snape too suspicious." James flopped on his bed to rummage for some paper and a quill. "I think I can imitate Remus's writing well enough, and he showed me that spell to mimic his handwriting."
"That's good." Sirius joined James. "What do you want to say?"
"Well, we can't give too much away, but…how about admitting that we're in Hogwarts, and close to his own age, and not Slytherins? That's still a pretty broad group."
"True. Are you going to ask him a question?" Sirius sat back and folded his legs into a comfortable position.
James frowned. "I thought I might, just to keep up the tone of the letters. Do you think I ought to? Or that I shouldn't?"
"I think it's fine. I just wondered what you'd ask."
James bit the inside of his cheek, thinking. "Something simple, I think. What sort of thing do you think Remus would ask?"
Sirius considered. "I dunno. Something basic. Something simple. I think it's more a question of what we think Snape'd answer."
"Well, let's write out a list of questions, and then we can go see if Lily's in the common room. She'd know that better than I would." James grinned.
Sirius smirked. "You just want a chance to talk to her."
"Too right." James sighed. "I'm just hoping she'll talk to me. After last time..."
Sirius winced. "Well, if she hexes you, I'll help you up to see Madam Pomfrey again." He shrugged. "Better you than me."
"Thanks." James made a face at him, then pulled out a second sheet of paper and began writing out questions.
Half an hour later, they had a parchment full of questions, and a basic letter that they thought sounded enough like Remus to pass. After that, they dressed, woke Peter, and headed down to the common room.
Lily was there, working by the fire. She looked up when they entered and scowled. James stiffened, then made his way over. "Good morning Lily."
"It's Evans to you, Potter." Her tone could have frozen Fiendfyre.
James sighed. "Evans then. Look, I know you're ticked off at me, but...Severus sent a letter, and Remus asked me to handle those sorts of things while he's ill, and I wanted to ask for your help. You know Snape better than I do, and I don't want to set him off again." He handed Lily the two rolls of parchment. "Could you please just...read these, tell me if there's anything in the letter that might rattle his scales, and suggest a question that won't get his back up?"
Lily stared at him, then took the rolls. "Fine. But only because Remus asked me before he left. And because Severus is my friend, and getting these letters has been good for him."
"Whatever you like. Thanks, Evans." James stepped back, giving her space instead of flopping down in the chair opposite her as he would have done the year before.
Lily unrolled the letter first and read through it. Then she scanned the list of questions. "What you've written should be fine, I think. But for a question...you probably ought to ask him something that's pretty easy, to start with. Something that could be common knowledge. Like his favorite color, or his favorite subject. Anything else will only make him suspicious."
"Fair enough." James took the parchment back. "I'll do that. Thanks." He started to turn away, then turned back. "Look, Evans...I've said it before, and maybe it won't do any good, but I'll say it again. I know I was a prat to Snape, all right? And I'm sorry."
Lily regarded him with a cool stare. "That might be true Potter. But you're right that it doesn't help much, because I'm not the person you need to apologize to."
"I know that too." James huffed out a rough breath. "And if I thought Snape'd listen, I would apologize to him. But I think you know as well as I do that he'd never believe me if I told him I was sorry now. It's just…look, at some point we'll have to come clean about who we are. I don't know when Remus plans to do that, but at some point, he'll know. If I promise on my honor as a wizard that I'll apologize to Snape then, and even let him hex me if he likes, can you and I at least...well, be civil? And not enemies?"
Lily considered that. Then, very slowly, she nodded. "All right. But if you hurt him again..."
"I know." James sighed. "I'll see you at breakfast." He turned and walked back to where Sirius was sitting, then flopped into a chair with a sigh.
Sirius patted his arm. "At least she didn't hex you with boils again mate."
"There is that." James nodded. Then he sat up straight and unrolled the letter. "All right then. Let's finish this, so we can send it off for morning mail."
***ASiSF***
Severus wasn't expecting a return letter, not as late as he'd left sending his own. Therefore, he was pleasantly surprised when an owl dropped a scroll by his plate. He'd risen early, eager to get his homework started, so it was no effort to finish his last few bites of breakfast, then make his way out of the Great Hall. A few minutes saw him safely in an unused room, unrolling the scroll.
Dear Mr. Snape,
I am pleased that you have elected to continue our correspondence. And I admit, I am quite impressed with your insight! Your speculations are largely correct.
My own age is within three years of yours. And, as you have surmised, I do have close ties to Hogwarts. In fact, I am a resident of the grounds. And yes, I do possess some familiarity with your course schedule, mostly because I have crossed paths with you frequently, and share some of the same coursework.
You are also correct that I am not associated with Slytherin House, and that I am of a studious nature, well educated both within and outside of Hogwarts. As to the resources at my disposal...I am not without my own, but it is also true that I am possessed of supportive friends.
In regards to your speculation about my experiences outside of school and my observational skills...that is a more complicated subject, but one that we might be able to broach at a later date. Though I confess, I have felt lacking in that department, given that I neglected to observe the true nature of your position prior to this point. But I have already apologized, and that will have to suffice for now, I believe, as I know of no other way, short of time, to prove my sincerity in that regard.
For now...I believe it is my turn to place an inquiry. As the purpose of this exchange is to foster understanding, and hopefully friendship, I shall limit myself to satisfying my curiosity in things that most acquaintances or friends know about each other.
That being said, my question is this: It is widely known that you are a Potions prodigy of rare talent, one that Professor Slughorn boasts of often. But I should like to know – What is actually your favorite subject? Potions, or does something else hold your interest in equal or greater measure?
An Associate
Severus folded the letter, thinking.
That question had been rather – mundane. Simple. But did he want to answer it? What if it was just a ploy? Information gathering to better tailor a plan? That was what a Slytherin would do. Find out preferences before approaching someone.
Except that this 'Associate' didn't write like a Slytherin, and had already admitted that he or she wasn't a part of the House of green and silver. In which case, it might a genuine overture of friendship. Lily had asked him what he thought his favorite subjects would be when they'd been preparing to go to Hogwarts before their First Year.
He couldn't help being suspicious, and a little angry still. But he knew Lily would encourage him to answer if he asked her. And maybe…maybe she was right.
He just had to decide what his answer would be.
Author's Note: Well, that went well...next time, Severus and the Marauders exchange more information, and Severus starts trying to guess who his mystery associate is. And Remus sets other plans in motion.