Author's Note: Hello my lovelies! I know that there probably isn't anyone out there reading this anymore but here is the next chapter. This is the first thing that I've updated in months due to busy work schedule so I'm glad to be back. Sorry about the long wait! I do hope that y'all continue to enjoy! And thank you so much for all your support thus far! I really do appreciate it!
There is a pregnant silence as Tiki and Caroline stare at one another. Caroline is trying to process what her friend said to her. She's starting to think that she's too exhausted from the last few days to have any sort of heart-to-heart with anyone about anything. She couldn't even really bring herself to talk to her mom about what happened when she woke up. Caroline knew that Liz was going to have to ask her questions about who attacked them but hasn't yet. Maybe because she's trying to be considerate of the ordeal that Caroline just went through, or maybe she's still using kid gloves when dealing with her because of these last few months, Caroline doesn't know.
She knows it's coming, but she's thankful not to have to think about it too much. That night was... a lot. Not like it's any different of an attitude that she uses when dealing with anything else even slightly inconvenient in her life. But still...
A vampire almost killed her and Tiki just a few scant hours ago. He wasn't Damon, that much she knew, but she had no idea who the man was. The night was dark, but she remembers sandier colored hair and eyes that didn't glow the same eerie blue that Damon's did whenever his sclera darkened. He wasn't Damon Salvatore, but he was scary, nevertheless. She just hopes that she never sees him again.
That she could just pretend that night never happened.
But it's not practical. As much as Caroline wishes that this would be as simple as just walking away from the problem and it leaves her alone in turn, it's just not feasible or realistic to hope for anymore. Or maybe she was foolish for even trying in the first place. Nevertheless, she can't keep pretending anymore. It never went away before - Damon, Stefan, Elena, Bonnie - and has only served to isolate her further and further from the people who do love her like her mom and Tiki. Well, and Elena and Bonnie too whenever they get over the weirdness that has been hanging around them like a dark cloud for the last few months.
Caroline misses Elena and Bonnie. She misses their shopping trips and sleepovers. She misses going to classes together and just existing in their lives. She wants to know how Elena is adjusting to her life with her aunt and younger brother. How Bonnie is fairing now that her Grams is gone. How they are just doing in general. She misses them. She wants them to be happy. She wants them to be okay.
As much as she doesn't like or trust Stefan, she has to hold onto this hope that he will be good to Elena. As scary as he is to Caroline, no one will surpass Damon. Then again, hopefully she will get away from Damon and Stefan Salvatore for good.
Maybe that's just wishful thinking. Elena is too nice of a person to just drop someone and forget about them.
So as much as she wishes that she could just get out of this hospital bed and go home and forget everything that has happened the last few months, since right before the start of the school year, and start over again, it won't happen. Even if she wanted to do it all over again yet make it better this time. But she can't. It doesn't work that way. She's stuck in the hell that she helped create. Now she has to find her own way out or be trapped forever.
And despite all of that, there is some good that came from all of this. Caroline has built a friendship with Tiki that she wouldn't give up for the world. The other girl has been there the whole time but it's only the separation between Caroline and Bonnie and Elena that she's been able to breathe life into this amazing and beautiful friendship and despite all the suffering she went through to get here, Caroline isn't certain she wouldn't do it again just to ensure that she and Tiki became friends.
And Liz. Caroline finally reconnected with her mom. Who knows if something would have been able to push them back together if Caroline's life hadn't been the way that it was? Had Caroline not realized just how much she needed her mom in her life. All the problems that Caroline used to have with her mom preceding all of this seems absolutely insane now that she is able to look back it all. She never should have taken out her pain and misery on her mom. Liz deserved so much better than the daughter that she got. But Caroline's trying to make it up to her. She's trying to be better. It might never be enough, but it hopefully isn't too late.
So as much as she wants to keep running, she knows she can't. Not here. Not now. Not from Tiki of all people. Tiki saved her life. In more ways than one. She deserved so much more than Caroline running away. And for Tiki too, Caroline is willing to try. Whatever it may be.
"My...what..?" Caroline mumbles, trying to force blood back into her numb lips. The dark-skinned girl's words don't make any sense to her. Werewolf eyes?
"I've seen eyes like that before," Tiki says. "I used to watch old moves with my mom. Those eyes are from a werewolf." She hesitates for a moment, casting a slow look around the room as if the vampire that attacked them was about to jump out from one of the dark corners of the room about to attack them or the deputy had his ear pressed against the door listening in. She scoots close enough for their knees to touch and lowers her voice and says, "I saw the video, Care. I didn't mean to snoop, but I found it."
Caroline stares at Tiki, blank-faced in mute confusion. Video? What video?
"Uh, what?" Caroline asks. She leans back into her flat hospital pillow, the deep throb of a headache forming in her head. Caroline rolls her ankles a bit, listening to them crack.
Tiki chews on her lower lip for a moment, staring into Caroline's eyes. "The video of you transforming on your phone...? In the school parking lot?"
Caroline blinks once, twice, three times before the realization dawns on her. That video... the night of the full moon... the school parking... Caroline remembers setting up her phone to see what was really happening to her... Yes. Caroline changed into a huge dog. She never deleted the video. She never watched it again, either, but it was still there. It never even occurred to Caroline that she still had it on her phone and that, well, there was a chance that someone could just pick up her phone and see that happen. See her change into a giant dog.
She was so upset by everything that happened that she never thought about deleting it. Anyone could have seen it. Anyone could have gotten their hands on her phone and seen her turn into a monster. What an idiot!
"Oh my god," Caroline moans in exasperation, running her hands up and down her face. "Seriously? I never thought about deleting it off my phone afterward! I'm so stupid!"
Tiki cracks a thin smile. "You're not stupid. That was stupid, but you're not."
The blonde would beg to differ on that observation, seeing as she feels like the stupidest person on the planet right now, but she's not interested in fighting over the semantics of it. She's just going to accept her idiocy and move on for now. If they have to have a debate later, they can, but this is more pressing. Caroline peaks at her from through her fingers. "You're not scared of me?"
Tiki shrugs her shoulders a bit. "I was scared at first. Well, I don't know. Maybe? I'm not sure what I thought. I wasn't all that sure what I saw anyway. I thought about full on running away for my life because I'm not sure what was going on. But then I saw you. You were just... Caroline."
Caroline lowers her hands a bit, giving the dark-skinned girl a look. "Uh, thanks?"
Tiki smiles a bit more, sympathy written across her face. "I mean that you were still you. You weren't some scary monster. You were Caroline. Funny, smart, lovely Caroline. It took me a moment, but I managed to thankfully remember it before I did something I would regret. Like run away screaming from my best friend." Tiki reaches out a places her hand on Caroline's knee. The warmth of her palm seeps in through her napkin gown and the thin threads of the hospital blanket. "I remember seeing movies about werewolves when I was a little girl. I saw a young woman transform into a werewolf in some movie I watched as a kid that was a lot like that. And you... well... you were crying."
Caroline remembers. She remembers the fear. The terror. The pain. She remembers crying in pain as her bones broke and then resealed back into place. The feel of her skin pulling taut over her bones. Her body feeling bigger than it ever should have been. Like she was bursting at the seams. That feeling of ants beneath her skin. Something that she's learning to associate with when it's almost time for her body to transform. Thinking about that night brings back the feeling of bile to the back of her throat. The sting and tightness there.
And Liz. Caroline cried and begged for her mother. Then she passed out. Maybe Tiki would have thought differently if she saw Caroline maul Peter Rabbit or Bambi to death. Caroline woke up with enough animal blood on her teeth and fur for her to think she was pretty horrific. But that video was tame compared to what it could be. Thank God! If Caroline lost Tiki, she's not certain she knows what she would do. She's not sure how she would survive.
"I turn into a giant dog, not a lot to be happy about there," Caroline grumbles.
Tiki raises an eyebrow. "Like a wolf?"
"Oh," Caroline says, rubbing at her face. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds better than giant dog, doesn't it?"
Admittedly, because of her father's unbelievable hatred for anything fairytale or fantasy, led Caroline to not have a very wide understanding of either. She's heard of werewolves and vampires and stuff, but it's not usually the first place her mind goes. If Damon hadn't just said he was a vampire, Caroline's sure she would make an even bigger fool of herself trying to make greater sense of what the hell is happening around her. She's having a hard enough time as it is.
But yes, werewolf... that makes sense. With vampires, comes werewolves. Isn't there a new popular series about those? Caroline distinctly remembers something about sparkling vampires in this new series while she walked the halls of her school but she's not certain.
Tiki pulls her hand back, pulling instead at some of the loose thread from Caroline's thin blanket. They both stare down at the bedding for a few minutes in silence, digesting what's been talked about. Caroline's head, while hurting, is whirling with all of this. Honestly, when Caroline imagined having this conversation a few weeks ago, it wasn't at all like this. And it hadn't been with Tiki, it had been with Elena and Bonnie. But when she had tried to convey that - no doubt terribly, of course - they got mad at her. They didn't believe her, but they still got mad at her and left her alone at The Grill.
This... this is such a relief. Elena and Bonnie... no, Caroline doesn't want to think about them right now. Because this isn't about them. This is about Tiki. About Tiki being freaked out about what was on that video but instead of succumbing to her fear like Caroline is apt to do, she rationalized her way through it. She... stayed. Where Elena and Bonnie left her, Tiki stayed. Tiki is so much kinder to Caroline than she ever deserved.
What did Caroline do to deserve Tiki?
After a few minutes of silence, Tiki finally asks, softly. "What's it like?"
"It hurts..." Caroline admits softly, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
Tiki's eyes shine with sympathy. "I bet it did. It sure as hell looked like it. Can I ask..? Like what happened? That didn't always happen, did it?"
Caroline shakes her head. "I don't know how it started..." Flashes of blood and gore behind her eyelids, a haunting whisper in the shell of her ear. Pain all across her body. The fear. The terror. Caroline forces the images and the sensations from her mind, back behind the wall. Caroline is scared of how easy the memory was summoned without her consent. It seems like it's getting harder and harder for her to keep the scary things behind the wall in her mind.
What happens if the wall crumbles? How else is Caroline supposed to keep herself safe without it?
"It all started the night of Mr. Tanner's memorial service in the park," Caroline murmurs, a chill of fear washing over her. She's not sure she's ready for the idea of losing the wall in her mind.
But there is something cathartic about this. Caroline has so badly needed to talk to someone, she never even realized. Well, she did. But she didn't imagine it was going to be like this. For as terrible these last few hours were, it's worth it for this moment. Caroline needs Tiki. She'll never deserve the other girl, but damn, she needs her.
Tiki rubs at her forehead. "Is that it? Just happened one night?"
A memory surfaces. Hazy and dark. Caroline catching sight of herself in her mirror across the room. The glow of golden yellow eyes. But now Caroline isn't sure which came first. It was... it was around the same time, wasn't it?
Caroline remembers looking down at her hands. Bloodied, bruised. They don't even look like her real hands anymore. Strange, foreign. She remembers bruising knuckles with flecks of blood. She remembers blossoming heat from wounds. The tremble of her hands and fingers.
"I... I don't know," Caroline admits, softly. She runs a hand through her dirty hair, fighting the urge to cringe at the feel of it. She needs a shower. Pronto. "I remember waking up one night with this tremendous heat and pain wash over me. I saw yellow eyes in the mirror. I didn't really think much of it, honestly. But... maybe that was it. I don't... really know. These last few months have been... tough..." Caroline says delicately.
Tiki stares at her, long and hard for a few, painfully brief moments before asking, gently, "What happened, Caroline?"
There was a moment. A small, singular moment where she hesitated. Where the wall in her mind tried to hold stronger, to keep everything in, just like she wanted, but then it didn't. It crumbled as if it had been made of dust all along and Caroline just started talking. Spilling out everything that tumbled out beyond the wall as she remembered it. She just kept talking until she said everything that happened.
By the end of it, Caroline was a pitiful, sobbing mess. All of the feelings she had been trying to bury along with the memories hit her at once. She was hurt and angry and so depressed and sad that by the end of it her head was throbbing even worse than it had been before and she's emotionally and physically drained. Caroline had to work her way back through all of those emotions and memories, using Tiki as her soundboard.
Tiki held her hand as she worked her way through it. Normally, Tiki is Caroline's hype woman. If she needs a pick-me-up, Tiki was always that girl. She and Caroline fed off each other so well. Caroline wasn't sure how her friend was going to react, seeing as she could barely see her through her tears. But once her shaking voice finally tampered off into silence, she wiped off enough of her tears to really look at Tiki's face since she started crying.
Tiki's face is dark with cold fury. Her hand wrapped around Caroline's was just as gentle as it was when they both started talking but her expression is deadly. It's a little scary. Caroline has never seen this expression on her friend's face before. But she knows it's not directed toward her, but on her behalf. Caroline felt this knot that she has perpetually had in her chest finally start to loosen until it's almost completely gone.
And this tremendous, overbearing weight that has settled on her chest and shoulders for so long that she doesn't fully remember when it even appeared, finally started to lift, lessening the pressure on her more and more. And for once in what feels like a lifetime, Caroline can finally take in a breath of air that fills up her lungs in their entirety.
Maybe it's just talking about what has been going on that is making her feel better, being able to finally get it off of her chest. Or, maybe it's just Tiki. Because she's been looking for someone who she trusts so completely to finally help carry the weight of the last few months with her. And of course, that person is Tiki. It feels so simple now.
"I'm sorry," Caroline chokes out. Despite recognizing that Tiki's anger isn't directed at her, it's hard to fight the feeling that she somehow made everything worse. Tiki might've been able to go back to her normal life without having all of this dropped on her. Hell, Caroline just admitted to killing their history teacher. Whether or not it was at Damon's command is irrelevant. Caroline is literally a murderer. And she can't help but connect the two moments together of her leaving a bleeding, broken Mr. Tanner behind at the school and waking up to the static on her mom's radio. A faint memory of something about someone being in critical care...?
Mr. Tanner died not too long after. Then Caroline saw her eyes flash for the first time. They couldn't have been a coincidence. They had to be connected.
Caroline has no idea how Stefan covered it up, but no one said anything about him being murdered. Just an animal attack. She's not sure if she's thankful for that - and the second lease on life that offers if the guilt doesn't choke the life out of her - or if it makes her feel even more guilt. He was not a nice man by any stretch of the imagination, but he sure didn't deserve to die. Not at the place he worked. Not in a battle to the death with one of his students. And certainly not at the amusement of a madman. No one deserves that.
Well, maybe Damon Salvatore deserved that.
"Don't," Tiki says, somehow keeping her voice even despite the white-hot rage written across her face. "You don't have to apologize for a damn thing. This is all that bastard Damon Salvatore's fault. He's lucky I feel like shit right now or I'd walk all the way to his big mansion house, douse it, him and his stupid bitch-ass brother in gasoline and light them all up. Because fuck this situation. Fuck this year. Fuck Damon Salvatore. And for good fucking measure, fuck Stefan Salvatore too." Tiki's lip curls. "And for even better measure, fuck Bonnie and Elena."
"Tiki," Caroline starts, feeling like she has to defend her friends. Caroline expected Tiki to cut her off, like they do in the movies or books, but the dark-skinned girl stares at her for a solid thirty seconds waiting for Caroline to conjure up something to be said in the defense of her longtime friends, but cold dread washes over her as she can't come up with anything. She has no idea why they've been so shitty to her these last few months. Why they haven't been able to notice how horrible things have been. Sure, she hasn't been forthright and honest about everything, but... surely someone should have noticed. Or, at least one of them.
Because someone did notice. Tiki noticed. Liz too. What does that say?
When Caroline couldn't come up with a good excuse on behalf of Bonnie and Elena - although she could say that they both just had deaths in the family in two varying degrees of recently but even that seemed flimsy at best - Tiki shook her head, voice still earie calm as she said, "Don't worry, I'm not about to go psycho on them. I'm going to be smart about this. But trust me, Care. I'm going to make them hurt."
"I don't want that," Caroline says, lips still feeling numb.
"Maybe not," Tiki admits, narrowing her eyes. "And while I'm not a vampire hunter or a cut-throat bitch on the best of days, shitty people don't get to live happily ever after for the shitty things that they do. These people almost killed you, Caroline. Whether it was directly threatening your life with violence or forcing isolation and terror upon you so great that even I could see that you were teetering on the ledge, it doesn't matter. They don't get off scot-free. They don't deserve to have no form of repercussions for what they've done."
"What are you going to do?" Caroline asks, worry weighing on her chest at the thought of Tiki going up against Damon. What would Caroline do if her best friend was killed trying to seek revenge? No, Caroline didn't care enough about hurting Damon if it meant losing Tiki. Caroline would sooner forgive the blue-eyed devil before she just left Tiki to face off and die at Damon's hands.
And admittedly, Caroline still wasn't sure how much blame to put at Bonnie and Elena's feet for all of this. They aren't responsible for her. And everyone has their own shit going on in their lives. Caroline would like to think that this is just a massive blip on their friendship history, but that it would come to an end, and everything would go back to how it was, but she also has no idea why this unpassable divide seemed to have appeared in the first place.
But Caroline can't argue that point when she's so emotionally drained.
Tiki shakes her head. "I don't know yet. But don't worry about it. We are going to be together. You and me."
Caroline's shoulders loosen until she's crumpled against her pillows. She stares at her friend for a long time as the other girl picks at the loose threads of her thin blanket, also lost in her thoughts. Caroline hopes that her friend can just give up on this, but she also knows that it's not going to happen. Caroline has never met anymore more vengeful than Tiki.
And maybe, the honest little part of her is just so sick and tired of hiding through her life. She hasn't had even a moment to enjoy this year. Everything has been so shitty this year that Caroline hasn't even been able to live. Just being able to talk to Tiki and confide in her about what happened is enough to make her feel more alive, because she's scared to want more. What if Tiki gets hurt because Caroline told her about Damon? What if Tiki dies?
Caroline swallows thickly, fear gripping at her chest. It's too late now, though. Tiki's life was already in grave danger. Someone tried to attack and kill both of them last night - the night before? - and any semblance of peace is over. After what happened? Yeah, definitely. Caroline has no idea who that man was, or what he wanted but if they aren't going to leave her alone, Caroline is going to protect her friends, her family. She is terrified of what is going to come, but she can't keep running from it. It hasn't done her any sort of good thus far, and probably will continue to.
Caroline is conflicted but knows that the life that she was trying to lead is over. That night has changed everything. As much as she hates that it put Tiki in danger - and, of course, herself - it did give Caroline something she desperately needed but hadn't realized was there for her already; a companion. Someone who wasn't like Bonnie and Elena. Someone who would hear this ridiculous story and not only believe her, but not think that she was some sort of monster. Someone who looked at her and still saw... Caroline.
Caroline looks in the mirror everyone once and a while and hasn't seen the real Caroline in a very long time. But somehow Tiki still saw her. And if Tiki still sees her, maybe there is still hope for her yet. Maybe.
"You aren't scared of me?" Caroline asks softly, drawing the dark-skinned girl's eyes up to her. "I... I think I killed Mr. Tanner..." She cut a quick glance at the door, like the deputy was listening in, recording everything that she was saying and would arrest her for her admittance of murder. But nothing happened. The deputy didn't come in, nor did she get a sudden call from her mom telling her that she was in huge trouble and needed to get into contact with a lawyer.
Would her mom arrest her? Yes? No? Well... she doesn't really know. Maybe?
Tiki shakes her head. "No. Sorry, girl, but I've seen week-old lunch meat more terrifying than you."
Caroline chokes out a surprised laugh that ripped from her, glaring lightly at her friend. The brown-eyed girl grins playfully, a bit of life brought back to the flush of her cheeks as Caroline grumbles, "That's not true. But come on, I'm serious. I killed Mr. Tanner!" She drops her voice again quickly, glancing at the door but still nothing, before looking over at the girl next to her. "I'm a murderer. If it hadn't been for me, Mr. Tanner would probably be alive right now."
Tiki stares at her for a long moment, smile having faded from her face as she considers Caroline's words. She looks around the room for a moment, as if the answer she was looking for was written in the air, before she sighs, and draws her brown eyes back over to Caroline's blue ones. "Yes, that might be true," she says slowly, "but I don't blame you for Mr. Tanner's death. Yes, he was a shitty man and a horrible teacher on top of that, but he didn't deserve to die. And he certainly didn't deserve to be used to make a point by Damon Salvatore. Yes, you were the tool used for his evil doings, but the choice was his. Damon Salvatore made you do it. If this compulsion thing is as you say, then you had no choice. You are no more responsible for killing him than he was for defending himself. Both of you were put into an impossible situation by a horrible man and neither of you would be at fault for it. It would be the same if the tables were reversed and Mr. Tanner had been the one to survive. You aren't a murderer, Damon is."
Caroline looks away. "It was still by my hand. I don't think I'm ever going to forget the look on his face. It's going to haunt me for the rest of my life."
Tiki lets out a little whoosh of breath before saying, "If that's how it is, then it is. Look, Care, I've never killed anyone intentionally or otherwise, so I can't weigh in an opinion on it. But that also means I can't be judge, jury, or executioner. You have to cope with what happened however you can. And if remembering him in those last moments to solidify it into memory so at least someone is actively remembering the truth, then so be it. But beating yourself up over it isn't going to bring him back. And it's not your fault that he's gone, Caroline. Remember that."
Caroline isn't sure if she's ready to accept that, but she bows her head and nods slowly. "I'll try," she says, placatingly.
"Shit," Tiki sighs, scootching over so that she and Caroline can lay side-by-side on the small, uncomfortable hospital bed as Caroline makes room for her, "trying is all we can do at this point. But you aren't alone, Caroline. You have me," Tiki says, turning her head to look at her. "No matter what. I promise."
Caroline feels tears slide down her cheeks, staring at the girl next to her, wishing to be just a fragment of her strength. And despite the fear still burrowing its way into her chest, she can't deny the feeling of relief and love blossoming in her heart. "Thank you, Tiki. And you have me, no matter what."
"I never doubted that for a moment," Tiki says firmly, offering a tired, but radiant smile.