Chapter Twelve: Unwanted Discovery

The remaining time before the Christmas Holiday seemed to fly past. When Severus wasn't studying for classes, he was working on Potions ideas, or tutoring his Housemates. When he wasn't doing that, he was researching Alchemy in anything he could get his hands on. He knew there was no way he could match Flamel's knowledge, or skill, but he didn't want to seem like a total idiot either. Unfortunately, there wasn't a great deal of material in the Hogwarts library. Alchemy wasn't an offered course, and since general consensus was that you needed a master to study it, there weren't a lot of materials for self-study on the subject. In theory, it was because the Professors didn't want to deal with potential accidents.

In his personal opinion, there was no point in worrying about accidents in Alchemy, not when so few students had an interest. Besides, no one who wanted to be safe would be teaching any branch of magic, except maybe History. Even Arithmancy and Herbology, innocuous as they looked to the casual observer, could be dangerous. There were plenty of dangerous magical plants, and combining the wrong Arithmantic sequence could produce deadly results. Even Muggle Studies had it's pitfalls, given that Muggles did everything with electricity these days, and electricity had unpredictable affects around magic. There was also the issue of things like automobiles, which were gaining prominence. There'd been an accident one time in his neighborhood, which had given him a healthy respect for the loud, heavy contraptions.

Regardless, there weren't a whole lot of resources for study on the subject, not even in the Restricted Section, which he managed access to by wrangling a pass from Slughorn. He'd told him it was for research on an independent project, which Slughorn assumed was a potion of some sort. Severus hadn't disabused him of the notion. And to be fair, he had gone through some of the potions books in the Restricted Section, looking for information on how Potions and Alchemy combined. It was one of the more productive research stints he managed.

He continued to meet Lily in his private study nook at least twice a week. Through her he discovered that all the Marauders, save Lupin, were returning home for the holidays. The news cheered him up immensely. They still hadn't pranked him, not once, which was unheard-of forbearance on their parts. He'd been worried that they'd take advantage of the empty castle to corner him and burn off their pent off energy. With fewer teachers and fewer witnesses, he could have been in trouble. Especially since Lily was also going home.

But Lupin...Lupin wasn't a threat. He might be too spineless to stop his friends, no matter how much it might bother him, but he also wouldn't start a fight. Besides, Severus was fairly certain he could handle any of the Marauders in a one-on-one match. He might not want to engage in a physical contest with Lupin, but he was sure he could duel him into the floor if he had to.

Most of the Slytherins would be going home. He'd had invitations from Black, Avery and Rosier, and turned them all down. That had raised eyebrows, to which he'd replied that he had prior commitments at Hogwarts. Aside from the research and study he planned to put in to maintain his grades, it wasn't even a lie.

He'd received a letter from Flamel, five days after his own had been sent. They would meet in a private room at the Three Broomsticks for their interview. It would be held on the 21st of December, around the luncheon hour. He was to arrive around 11:30 and ask for Nicholas.

He'd been lucky it was the weekend and he could hide from his House mates. He didn't think he could have managed to socialize at all without giving something away. It took him most of a day to gain control of himself, to hide his excitement.

It was going to happen. He was really going to meet Nicholas Flamel. He was really going to interview with Flamel for a possible apprenticeship. He didn't think he'd been so excited, or so terrified, since he'd received his Hogwarts letter.

That upcoming interview added an additional task to his list. Coming up with intelligent questions about a potential apprenticeship. Some of them would be about the sort of things he would be best served studying, but there were other questions. Research revealed that apprenticeship contracts came in several different formats, with multiple different conditions that could be placed, and different durations that could be set. It was rare to see an apprenticeship set for less than four years, and that was for fields like Healing, which were highly specialized, or Herbology, which relied on the region to determine the breadth of knowledge needed. Charms, Defense, Arithmancy and Potions tended to have longer apprenticeships, as did Transfiguration and Ancient Runes. Presumably Care of Magical Creatures would fall somewhere between the Herbology level and Charms. He couldn't imagine what one would even do in a History or Astronomy apprenticeship, if there even were such things. As for Divination and Muggle Studies...well. There was no telling, and by his estimation, no interest anyway.

Alchemy, however...he suspected that Alchemy would have one of the longer apprenticeships. But there were other considerations. Some Masters gave their apprentices a wage, some didn't. Some gave out pocket money, some offered rewards for certain accomplishments. Some contracts specified a devotion to studies, some had sub-clauses involving service to the Master. Services like washing clothing, preparing food, tidying up...in short, menial tasks.

The idea of earning money sounded good, but if Flamel wasn't one to offer financial rewards, he wouldn't care much. Likewise, the idea of menial labor didn't bother him. He'd grown up doing chores, he could stand to do more, especially if it earned him lessons and praise rather than slaps and snarls.

On the other hand, some contracts had clauses that made any innovations of an apprentice the Master's property by right, and that he did have an issue with. In part because he'd already created some spells and potions, like the Hair Care Potion, and he didn't want to lose them, not even for the prestige of being Flamel's apprentice. But also because he developed some of his best ideas during lessons, and he didn't want them stolen by a Master any more than he would have wanted Slughorn to capitalize on his innovations in the Potions classroom. Also, being an apprentice to a reputable Master might gain you some recommendation, but without proving you could do your own work and make your own strides in the field, how would you gain a reputation that would support you after your apprenticeship ended?

Also, traditional apprenticeship contracts offered room and board for the apprentice at the Master's expense. But traditional contracts also commanded an apprentice fee, which he didn't have. If Flamel required a fee, he'd have to find out how to acquire it, and to do so before Flamel's interest was diverted elsewhere. There was always a chance that whoever had recommended him might be willing to pay it, but he didn't know who they were, how to ask, or even how much such a fee might be. Apprentice fees were entirely at the discretion of the master.

But all of those were issues to bring up with Flamel. He made a list of his questions, along with the points he thought he might want to negotiate. It bordered on disrespectful to bargain with a master of Flamel's status, but it wasn't unheard of.

For example, some Masters insisted that their apprentices reach adulthood. Some refused to take adult apprentices. Some insisted on a certain level of education prior to beginning, some didn't.

That Flamel was considering him indicated that the Alchemist wasn't one to insist on younger apprentices. However, he might insist on Severus finishing Hogwarts, and that was...risky. There were other people waiting for him to finish school, after all. People he was increasingly interested in avoiding. Like Malfoy and Rosier and Wilkes.

It would be better if he could secure an apprenticeship that began this summer, putting him out of their reach. He would already be of age by then, and he knew, from the invitations he'd received, that the Dark Lord was looking to recruit him. Flamel, however, might be both powerful enough and distant enough to afford him some protection, at least for the duration of his apprenticeship.

Trying to research all of that, while hiding what he was researching – and why – from his Housemates had been stressful, to say the least. Even worse than trying to meet up with Lily without being caught.

However, the end of term finally arrived. Students were packed off onto the Hogwarts Express. The Castle emptied. Severus breathed a sigh of relief.

Slytherin was practically empty. Only himself and two other students, one First and one Second Year, remained. Of course, that was how Slughorn liked it. With so few students, he didn't have much watching to do. And he'd already taken Severus aside and asked him to watch out for the younger Slytherins. Never mind that he wasn't a Prefect, and had no authority. He was older, he was a reasonably responsible student, and that was all Slughorn needed to convince himself that it was all right to leave them in his care while Slughorn himself got on with his favorite business. Sucking up to the influential, inviting himself to parties and 'making connections'.

Severus dutifully reminded the youngsters about curfews, gave them some tips about getting their work done early, and suggested ways they could entertain themselves. He also warned them about places where Peeves was likely to be playing tricks, and how to avoid calling down the wrath of the caretaker. He told them to find him at dinner, or in the Common Room, or in the Library if they needed something, but that if he wasn't there, then it was because he had business elsewhere, and they should find a teacher or older student if it was urgent. The two of them nodded in agreement, then they went their separate ways.

He spent most of the first few days following his own advice about doing the holiday homework early. He didn't think Flamel would ask about it, but on the off chance, he didn't want the Alchemist to think he was lazy, or a slacker.

The day before his interview found him in the Library, looking through supplemental texts to see if there was anything he'd missed while writing his essays. With the extra time afforded by the holiday, he was determined that all his assignments would be 'O' level quality. He didn't always have the time to go looking for little details to add, but since he did, he saw no reason not to make use of it.

He was thumbing through a Transfiguration book, looking for tidbits that might help him improve his technique when he stumbled on a rough stone in the floor. He wobbled, staggered a few steps to keep his balance, and promptly crashed into the edge of a table. Someone else made a startled sound, and there was the rustling thump of someone's parchment hitting the floor. Severus winced, hoping it wasn't a Seventh Year whose N.E.W.T preparations he'd disturbed. He set his book on a nearby shelf and bent to gather the scattered parchment, hoping that picking it up would be enough of an apology. He was halfway through gathering it up when the script caught his eye.

Ancient Runes notes, but – a familiar form of handwriting. Very familiar. And the syntax of the notes matched that of a lively discussion he'd had with his Associate recently, when they'd been debating some point or other.

His heart began to hammer. The mysterious 'Associate'. Yes, he'd had plans to try and find them over the holiday, but he'd mostly forgotten them in the rush of excitement and apprehension that followed Flamel's letters. And anyway, he hadn't been too eager to go to the Infirmary when Lupin might be there, and that had been the only real plan he'd had. And even that, he had to admit, had been a rather poor and half-formed excuse for a plan.

And yet, it seemed as though he'd found them anyway. By accident, by purest happenstance, but…

He looked up, prepared to meet his benefactor at last.

***ASiSF***

Remus had come down to the Library early to work on his Ancient Runes assignment. He'd made progress, but at the same time, he was beginning to get frustrated.

The assignment was to study two different Rune sets, compare them, then explain why confusing the two could have catastrophic consequences. The sets were very similar, which was part of the problem, but sorting out the permutations of each set that might lead to disaster...that was the challenging part. And, of course, the part he was having trouble with.

If the others had been here, he could have at least vented to them about his frustrations, and perhaps helped clear his head. If Lily had stayed behind, they could have worked together. Lily was good with Ancient Runes, even if it wasn't her best or favorite subject.

He wished he could bring it up in a letter to Severus. Severus, as near as he could tell, was excellent with Runes. He'd mentioned something about patterns during one of their exchanges, patterns and intuition. But writing about the assignment that had been given as homework to the Sixth Year class would be tantamount to shouting his identity. It was one thing to discuss theory, but a specific assignment? That would be too obvious.

Without anyone to share his table with, he'd given himself rare permission to spread out over the whole surface. He was deep in one of his reference books, writing out some things he thought might be pertinent about Rune orientation in one language versus another, when someone bumped into his table.

He bit back a snarl and a curse as his quill struck a jagged line on his parchment, and as a pile of his previous notes cascaded to the floor. They weren't really important notes, just the ones he'd made when they started covering these languages, but still…

He set the quill down and stood up, ready to give the offending individual a sharply worded warning about watching where they went, and froze.

Severus was crouching next to the table. There was a Transfiguration text on the edge of the nearest bookshelf, making it clear what had distracted the Slytherin youth. He'd probably thought that, empty as the Castle was, there wasn't much chance of running into anyone.

Severus was picking up the notes that had fallen. Remus felt his stomach clench. He'd never disguised his handwriting in all those letters, figuring they'd need proof when they finally revealed themselves to Severus, and if Snape recognized it…

He saw the moment his fears came true, as Severus went still, looking at the parchment in his hands. He wanted to duck, wanted to hide, but even if he did, his notes were all over, and his name was on his assignments. Severus would know.

In any case, he felt rather frozen to the spot, like the onlooker of a horrible accident, helpless to prevent the inevitable.

It felt like a Potions accident in slow motion, every moment of it caught in it's own separate bubble of time.

Severus looked up, eyes alight with curiosity and hope. And saw him.

All the animation drained from the Slytherin's face. Remus saw him glance down, looking for evidence that might refute his discovery. But there was none.

Severus looked back up, face going pale as the blood drained from his expression. Horror flared in his eyes, something breaking in his gaze before his eyes and his face went...blank. An awful terrible blankness, worse than fury would have been. "Of course. I should have known."

His voice was a cold, washed out monotone, worse even than screaming fury would have been. Remus bit his lip. He could have handled rage. He was used to rage from Severus. But the cold, bleak blankness was chilling. Worse still was the sense he had of something shattering, being destroyed beyond all hope of recovery. That it might be the tentative friendship he'd formed with Severus was painful enough, but the look in the other youth's eyes said it went deeper than that.

He felt like he was watching Severus's very soul shatter.

Severus dropped the parchment he was holding and turned away. He didn't reach for the book he'd set aside. He just turned toward the library door, his movements sharp and deliberate, as though he was either afraid he'd break or trying to control himself.

Remus watched him take two steps away, then darted around the table after him. Even knowing his efforts were most likely futile, he couldn't let Severus leave without at least attempting to explain himself. He caught up, caught Severus's sleeve. "Severus, wait..."

He didn't get any further. Severus whipped around like a striking snake, throwing off his hand before seizing the front of his robes and shoving him backwards, hard enough that the bookshelf he careened into creaked a warning. "Don't touch me." His voice was a low, snarling whisper, but from the intensity, it might as well have been a scream. "Don't...don't you dare...you've no right to touch me, to use my name...don't act like we're...like we're…"

The low snarl cracked. Severus's expression was no longer blank, and in his eyes were splintering shards of madness, of grief and rage and pain. Like the evening they'd confronted him on the shore of the lake. Remus bit his lip to keep from speaking, knowing that nothing he could say would reach the young man in front of him.

A long silence stretched between them. Then Severus backed two steps, whirled and vanished among the shelves. Moments later, Remus's sharp ears caught the heavy groan of the library door opening and closing.

Remus swallowed hard, then returned to his seat and ducked his head into his hands. He'd always known that revealing the truth was going to go badly, but he hadn't thought it would be this bad. He'd thought he might get hexed, cursed, insulted. But he also thought he'd have time to explain himself, even if Severus didn't believe him. He hadn't expected the revelation to drive Severus so deeply into himself, or to cut the Slytherin so deeply.

He could guess what had happened. He just wasn't sure how he could fix it.

After a few moments, he pulled a clean piece of parchment over and began writing a letter. If anyone would know how to fix this, it would be Lily.

And if his eyes had a tendency to burn and go out of focus as he wrote...well, that was no one's business but his own.

***ASiSF***

Severus managed to keep his composure until he escaped the library. Then he ran.

His first thought was to run for his study room. But he'd only found and arranged that because of his Associate. Because of….

Lupin. Of all the people he'd considered being at the heart of the strange correspondence and kindness, he'd never considered someone like Lupin.

He shuddered, his chest aching with the repressed need to scream, then redirected his steps down, down to the Slytherin Common Room, and from there to his dorms, empty of any save himself. He flung wards and a Silencing spell at the doors, and then…

He let go. He screamed until his throat was raw, he slammed his hands and feet into unforgiving stone, he threw whatever he could get his hands on to throw, he broke everything he could reach, unleashing himself in a whirlwind of destruction until he was spent. He would have preferred to use spells, to unleash his fury with blasting curses or the like, but that might have brought Slughorn down, and he had no wish to see his head of house, much less explain himself.

Finally, the stream of rage was exhausted, leaving him filled with a sort of numb pain, an ache like the one he'd felt when Lily had renounced him last year, coupled with a vague sense of self loathing.

He should have known. Should have realized. The lack of overt pranking, the mock civility in classes and the halls. He should have connected it with the appearance of his Associate, and been more wary. He should have known, after five years, that no one could or would stop the Marauders, that there was something else behind their forbearance.

But of course they hadn't needed to prank him in the halls. Why would they? After all, what prank, what joke could be better than getting him to tell them all his secrets? Make him think he had a friend, a way out, someone he could trust besides Lily. What better amusement than to coax him into revealing his dreams, his fears, his interests, so they could mock him with them when they tired of their game? So they could use the information to humiliate him, torment him, blackmail him?

Even worse, he knew he'd been the one to give them the idea. They must have concocted the plan after he'd screamed at them, after he'd shown them what his mother and father had done to him. He'd feared what they'd do with the knowledge of his home life, but he hadn't imagined something like this. But then, he'd always considered Lupin a follower, and Black and Potter weren't subtle enough for something like this. Pettigrew wasn't smart enough.

But Lupin...Lupin was clever enough and subtle enough. He remembered telling Lupin that he knew his secret. It wasn't that much of a stretch to believe that the quiet Marauder had decided to even the playing field by using this scheme to learn his own secrets. That was why his Associate had been so careful about revealing information. And why none of his schemes for uncovering the identity of his Associate had worked. The Marauders were capable of uncovering his efforts and thwarting them. And he had no doubt that the other Marauders had been involved.

He wanted to scream and hide himself in his bed. He wanted to repair everything and then break it again. He wanted to flee Hogwarts entirely. But first…

His appointment with Flamel. He wasn't sure that he'd even be able to reschedule or re-locate it, but even if he could, he wouldn't. Especially not so late. That would be the height of disrespect, and only an acceptable course of action if he'd come down with something like spattergroit or dragon pox.

Severus took a few deep breaths, then set about putting the dorm room to rights. A few Reparo spells mended what he'd broken. His hands were swollen and bleeding, but he'd learned some healing spells and muggle methods, and those wounds were easy to tend. Once everything was repaired or put back in it's proper place, he settled on his bed and began reviewing his notes. He resolutely shoved all thoughts of Lupin, the Marauders, or his Associate from his mind.

He would deal with the mess his life had become on that front later. For now, nothing mattered but making a good impression on Nicholas Flamel.

Author's Note: Severus knows. And he's taking it badly.

Next up, an interview, and some more information comes to light...