My name is Cassie, and while I would never admit it to my friends, it was starting to feel like a double major was a bad idea.
Technically speaking, it was possible. The workload was tough, but I had enough hours in the day to handle lectures, homework, and larger assignments. Not only that, there was enough time left over from that to still see my friends.
It was all technically possible. All it would require was cutting back to six hours of sleep per night.
Even that was being optimistic, as it turned out. I'm not perfect, and on rare occasions I've been known to lose track of time. So, more often than not, for the last couple semesters, I'd been getting five hours of sleep at best.
You'd think that all the study I'd done of human health would be enough to clue me into the fact that such a sleep schedule had significant health problems, but...nope. I tried to power through it.
After falling asleep for the third time during the lecture for Political Philosophy, I realized I was going to have to start dropping classes, and with them, one of my majors. Turning Political Science into a minor wouldn't be what I really wanted, but it was the best I could think of.
Still, that left me with five Biology classes that I wasn't dropping, and thus, the cafe table I was waiting at was covered in schoolwork. I had the sense I was forgetting something, when I finally heard, "Cassie!" and looked up to see Jake looking down at me. "It normally doesn't take five times for you to hear me. You okay?"
"Just a little frazzled," I fibbed, then gestured to the chair next to mine. While he sat down, I regretfully closed my textbooks and started putting them away, keeping my eyes on Jake.
Not because...um...okay, yes, Jake is attractive. Anyone would admit that. Except Rachel. Anyway, he's kind of that stupid patriarchal masculine ideal? Tall, lean, strong, privileged as hell. Which isn't necessarily my type. No, what makes Jake so amazing is the way he smiles at me, like seeing my plain face is the best part of his day. Or the way his hand holds mine, carefully and gently, with so much comfort imparted. And when he...
Getting off track. My boyfriend is too hot for me, moving on.
The thing I was really watching for was to see how Jake was feeling. After all, it's not every day when you get a message like the one from earlier that morning. He was clearly trying to act as though everything was normal, but I could read beyond that. His eyes kept flickering to and from my face, trying to read my own expression, while his hands were fidgety, immediately grabbing a fork from the table to spin through his fingers.
Jake was worried. He felt guilty. "Did you...already order?" he asked.
"Yes, but they're a little busy right now, so they might not bring it out for a bit longer." Jake nodded at that, but still looked lost in his own head. So, I struck first. "Thinking about Marco's kiss?"
That was not what he was expecting me to say. He stammered, trying to form a coherent thought. Finally, he managed to say, "Well, kind of? Cassie, I'm so sorry, I never intended-"
I raised my hand to stop him. "Save apologies for later."
"O...kay...?" Still unsure what was going on here, Jake asked, "What are we going to do first?"
Before Jake could put together why there was a third chair at the small outdoor table, I saw Marco coming towards us. He was already looking a bit nervous, but when his eyes went to Jake sitting at the table with me, he froze for a moment, before throwing up a usual Marco Demeanor as a shield.
In the process, he surprised Jake by coming up to the empty chair nonchalantly, stepping over the back of it to sit down smoothly. Or...it would have been smooth if he was taller. He kind of stumbled in the attempt. "Captain," he said to Jake, a grin on his face that didn't reach his eyes, "Counselor," to me.
A lot of my friends would have rolled their eyes at that, but I laughed. "Marco, I'm sorry but you're not a Riker."
He put a hand to his chest, with a gasp of mock outrage. "Not a Riker? Then who am I?"
Trying to join in the silly conversation, Jake spoke up. "Geordi, and Ax is your Data." He wasn't speaking as casually as he normally would, but it was an attempt.
"Oh really," Marco said, clearly hoping his smile would cover the blush on his cheeks. "Don't know if you've read the same fanfics as I have, fearless leader, but that has some pretty gay implications."
Any humor that had been built up was broken with that joke, as Jake let out an annoyed grunt. "Marco, can we be serious about this? You're really joking about that after last night?" The words seemed to come out more harsh than he attended, and though Marco did a good job hiding his pain at hearing them, I could see it anyway. Looking at me, Jake asked, "Cassie, what's he doing here?"
"Better question," Marco interrupted before I could say anything, "what are you doing here, Jake? Cassie messaged me saying to come here so we could talk about..." His words trailed off as the implications hit for him, and he looked at me with a mixture of respect and fear. "Holy shit, Cassie. Expert move, master schemer."
Looking from Marco to me and back again, Jake was clearly befuddled. "What do you mean?"
Clearing my throat, I decided to explain it. "I told you both to come here. So we could talk things over, together." I did my best to sound calm and controlled. Instead of letting them hear the maelstrom of emotions kicked up by this entire debacle. Jealousy, excitement, fear, hope.
"Wouldn't it be better if Marco and I...talked about it first? Privately?" Even as he asked it, Jake seemed unsure about his idea.
I tried not to laugh. "Sweetie, you're...well, a guy. As is Marco. And while I hate to indulge in stereotypes, neither of you are good at talking about your emotions, especially with each other. So, I'm here as an intermediary." Well, that and for another reason, but that would come later. Maybe. "Marco, let's start with you. Can you tell Jake about why you arranged things last night?"
"Yes, Ms. Cassie," he replied, as though being called on by a teacher. It didn't do a good job hiding his nervousness. Not looking at Jake, he tried to actually answer the question. "It's not that complicated. I'm bi, I think Jake's hot, and I thought...I might have a shot? So I did what I did." He winced. "Sorry, Cassie, for not...uh...I didn't really think about how it would affect you, and that's on me."
"Apology accepted," I said, though it wasn't really as simple as that. "I would have preferred you talk to me about it beforehand, but what's done is done." Looking over at Jake, who was so red in the cheeks he looked like he'd gotten a localized sunburn, I asked, "Did you have any comments on Marco's actions, Jake?"
Actually managing to raise his eyes to meet Marco's, Jake nods. "Yeah, I guess...I feel like you could have gone about that better? Getting drunk and kissing me...like, you could have just told me."
It looked like Marco had a snappy comeback for that, but it died before it could be said, shame hitting his expression. "Good point. Sorry, man. I didn't mean to...well, I guess I did. But that was shitty of me." Then, he added, "Still, you didn't have to react the way you did."
Jake opened his mouth to speak, but I cut in. "How did Jake react, Marco?" I hadn't really heard about this part. Jake had been...sparse on details.
Seeming very aware of the eyes on him as he answered, Marco thought about what to say more than he usually did, before finally giving an answer. "He asked what I did, like he couldn't believe what had happened, then asked why I did it. The way he said it, though..." For a second, I thought Marco was going to cry, but the moment that passed, and his expression hardened. "He sounded freaked out. By me."
"Jake?" I did my best to make sure there was no hint of judgment to my tone.
"I...yeah. I was freaked out," Jake admitted. "But not by you! Just...I was surprised. Even when I said it, I think I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but you left before I could apologize." Then, tentatively, Jake smiled, and tried to joke. "Also, leaving your own room? What was that?"
Their drinks finally arrived and for a second Marco looked so annoyed at Jake that he could have tossed his black coffee at the taller boy. "Fuck you dude, I was drunk."
It was obvious they were going to try to avoid the topic by delving into banter, so I jumped in. "Jake, how do you feel about all of this? You were surprised at the time, but you've had some time to think." This was the really important part.
Jake sipped his latte, and it was a while before he seemed to have something to say. "I still don't really know? Like, it was so sudden, I can't really..." He looked at Marco, clearly feeling bad for every word he said. "I mean, I didn't hate it? But I don't know if I see you that way."
Marco mumbled something under his breath, quiet enough that we couldn't hear him. After a little prodding from my foot, he said it again, loud enough for us to hear. "The other day, you said some guy in class was cute."
Blinking, it was obvious Jake didn't remember that. "I did?"
"Jake, I've heard you say things like that before." That got both the boys looking at me. "I'm not saying that makes you bisexual too, you define your own sexuality, and it's entirely possible you mean it in an aesthetic way rather than any sort of sexual or romantic attraction. But it is something to think about."
Shrugging his shoulders, Marco had a self-defeating look in his eyes that made my heart drop. "I appreciate the help, Cassie, but even if Jake is into guys, I'm not gonna really pursue that." He gave a sad smile. "You two are like...a wonder couple. I might be a jackass, but I'm not gonna be responsible for you two breaking up."
Before Jake could agree with the sentiment, I spoke up. "It's not an either/or proposition, Marco. You and Jake can explore how he feels, without breaking us up." They looked confused by that idea. "Have neither of you heard of polyamory?"
While Jake obviously hadn't, Marco's eyes widened in understanding. "Are you...are you seriously suggesting that? Me dating Jake? While you date Jake?" My boyfriend's eyes widened, hearing it explained that way.
"If he wants to, and he's okay with it, I'm up for giving it a try," I said truthfully. Well, mostly. I was genuinely interested in, excited in, that idea. It could also get messy. "We'd need to communicate openly with each other, though. Do what we can do to help the others feel safe and avoid hurting them. It'd be work, but...so are all relationships." I blushed, then added, "Also...if you wanted, Marco, you wouldn't just be dating Jake. If he's okay with it, I'd love to make it a full three person relationship."
Jake was still silent, and I felt like I could practically hear his mind getting overwhelmed by all the things being dropped on it at once. Marco, however, was not as silent, which surprised no one. "Are you sure, Cassie? We tried the me and you thing before, and it kinda crashed and burned."
I winced. That had been a rough couple of weeks of getting on each other's nerves fairly constantly. "Yeah, it did. But we were teenagers at the time. You're a lot better at holding back your snark these days, and I can hold a conversation without lecturing you. Also, don't forget, we had great physical chemistry."
He shrugged, but there was something in his eyes that made me feel like he was curious about the idea too. Marco is just...so far apart from Jake's kind of guy, but in a wonderful way. Peak soft boy. Too pretty and too handsome for his own good, even if his smart mouth frequently ruined that effect.
"I'm not sure about this...'polyamory' idea," Jake finally said. "But it's something I can think about? Along with...thinking about you, Marco. I'm not gonna give a yes or no yet, but if it works..." He smiled, and I think Marco and I both audibly gasped from the sheer radiance of the expression. "...it would be kind of amazing, wouldn't it?"
I took a sip of my green tea, trying not to get too hopeful about the odds of that actually happening, when my phone started vibrating. For a second, I was confused, until I remembered the alarm I'd set. "Oh, shoot! I've got class, but, uh, I'll make a group channel to continue this talk? If you want?" They both nodded at that, so I felt safe giving Jake a quick kiss, Marco a wink, and grabbing my stuff before hustling away.
#throuple-zone-question-mark-exclamation-point
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 2:34pm: Alright, here we go!
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 2:36pm: Now we can continue the previous conversation without time constraints.
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 2:45pm: Cassie
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 2:45pm: It's been like
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 2:45pm: Three hours
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 2:46pm: Jake hasn't figured out his sexuality yet
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 2:47pm: Unless he's Any% Speedrunning exiting the closet
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 2:57pm: [GIF of a sweating anime girl hiding behind her desk]
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 2:58pm: You make a valid point.
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 3:01pm: Sweetie, no pressure to figure this out quickly, take your time.
BigJake#0110 Today at 5:04pm: why did you hide this in ax's game server?
BigJake#0110 Today at 5:05pm: also how
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 5:09pm: Oh, he made me an admin a while ago.
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 5:10pm: Just in case he gets hacked or something.
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:20pm: You two are such fucking dorks
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:21pm: I'm literally in the same room as you
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:21pm: You're cuddled together on the same armchair
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:22pm: And instead of talking about this out loud, you're doing it in a Discord server
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 5:25pm: [GIF of a blushing anime girl]
BigJake#0110 Today at 5:27pm: we dont want to interruppt ax
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:28pm: He's explaining the plot of Babylon 5
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:28pm: Badly
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 5:29pm: He's doing an amazing job.
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:31pm: Then why aren't you listening to him instead of messaging each other
BigJake#0110 Today at 5:32pm: i am listening
BigJake#0110 Today at 5:33pm: i can multitask
* You'reTheManNowDog#9922 is typing*
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 5:35pm: Please don't turn that into an innuendo, Marco.
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:36pm: Party pooper
TreeHugger3000#6203 Today at 5:37pm: Love you! 3
You'reTheManNowDog#9922 Today at 5:38pm: ...love you
BigJake#0110 Today at 5:40pm: love you