OCTOBER 2010
"Wow, that must have been really rough. I'm sorry," Miguel says sympathetically, gently rubbing Rebecca's back.
"What kills me is, until that weekend, my mom and I were in a pretty good place, better than we'd been in years. As you may recall my dad died suddenly from a brain aneurysm in 1993, so my mom was still pretty young when she became a widow – not as young as I was, but a lot younger than she expected to be. I guess for once in my life she and I actually had something we could relate to each other about."
Miguel smiles sympathetically.
"And I was closer with my sister that year than at any time since we were kids," Rebecca continues. "I guess I should back up a little and explain that sometime in the late 80's, Jenny's husband Ted had an affair with his secretary. She thought about leaving him but ultimately decided against it. Ironically, my mom encouraged her at the time to stick it out and 'not make too much of a fuss about it.'"
"What?!" Miguel asks.
"That's my mom for you. In her mind, Ted provided a good lifestyle for Jenny and their kids and that was the most important thing. But that all changed in 2004, when the woman Ted had an affair with died, and they found out he had fathered a 16-year-old son named Trevor with her. Jenny was understandably devastated – it brought up all the old wounds that she had worked hard to put away, but she tried to do the right thing and welcome Trevor into their home. She called me a lot during that time for advice – I guess I should mention that Trevor's mom was black, so I guess Jenny thought maybe I could give her some tips on how to integrate Trevor into their family."
"Oh, I see," Miguel says with a dry chuckle.
"She meant well. I give her credit for trying, but it was a messy situation and she was way out of her depth. To make matters worse, despite my mom initially encouraging Jenny to stick it out when she first found out about the affair, she was appalled when she found out about Trevor, and even moreso when she learned that Jenny was thinking about adopting him. So I guess with all of that going on, I can understand why Jenny had her head in the sand about my mom's condition."
SUMMER 2004 – CONNECTICUT
"Hey Jenny, can you help me get my stuff out of the car?" Rebecca asks as she recovers from her mother's shocking statements, giving her sister a look.
"Yeah, sure," Jenny agrees.
When they are outside and out of everyone's earshot, Jenny says "look, I know what you're going to say, and I swear, it hasn't been like this. She's been forgetting little things here and there and repeating herself a little, but nothing like that. She's probably just confused because you're…" Jenny hesitates.
"Because I'm what?" Rebecca asks anxiously.
"You're still wearing your wedding ring, and you're still driving that car, the same car you used to come here in with Jack and the kids."
"Are you serious?" Rebecca asks with disbelief.
"Look, I'm not saying there's nothing wrong. If it makes you feel any better, I at least got her to sign the power of attorney documents for when we need them and got her to add me to her bank accounts."
"That's all well and good, but I'm more concerned about her well-being than protecting her bank accounts. She shouldn't be driving anymore, and it's probably not safe for her to live alone much longer, especially in such a big house. At a minimum, we need to try to get her into a retirement community that has a memory care unit for when she needs it."
"I don't disagree, but I don't think she's ready to move just yet. I checked out that place you sent me and it looks promising, but I can't force her to go, and power of attorney doesn't kick in unless she gets much worse. But by protecting her bank accounts, at least we can make sure that if and when she does need that level of care, she'll be able to access it. Look, if you can convince her to see a neurologist and to accept help, power to you, but I think you know as well as I do it's going to be a losing battle."
"You're probably right," Rebecca concedes. "I'm just…I'm worried about her."
"I know. I am too. But right now all we can do is wait and see. And if I were you – I know this is going to be hard, but if you want to have any chance of being able to help her, I wouldn't argue with her when she says stuff like that."
"You want me to what – pretend Jack is still alive?" Rebecca asks, her emotion starting to show.
"I wouldn't say pretend. Just don't go out of your way to correct her – it will get you nowhere, and it'll just make her more suspicious."
"Fine. But if I'm going to do that, we need to find a way to get her to go see that place tomorrow, before I go back to Pittsburgh," Rebecca insists. Jenny nods agreement, but doesn't seem convinced.
"If it makes you feel any better, prior to her off-color comment just now, she's actually been raving about Randall all day," Jenny tells her.
"What?" Rebecca asks, surprised.
"Yeah, she keeps telling Trevor about how Randall was valedictorian, and went to college unlike your other kids, and how great he turned out despite the odds."
"Despite the odds? What the hell is that…never mind, it doesn't matter what the hell she means by that. Jenny, you can't let her say things like that to Trevor."
"It made me uncomfortable too, but I know that in her own way she was trying to encourage him. Yes, she could be more tactful, but…"
"No, Jenny, listen to me. You've been asking for my advice for the last few months and I've been hesitant to give it, mostly because I made so many mistakes with Randall and I honestly have no idea if I did anything right in terms of dealing with the complications that come with – what was the word you used for it? Transracial adoption? But the one thing I do know is, if you want to connect with Trevor, if you have any hope of ever making him feel like part of your family, you cannot just sit by and let him be subjected to racist crap like that from anyone."
"What would you have me do? You said it yourself – Mom's not all there anymore."
"I know, and that makes it harder. But you have to stand your ground. We stopped coming for Thanksgiving in large part because Mom kept asking for pictures with "just the twins" instead of all three of them. It took me longer than it should have to realize why Mom treated Randall differently, but once I did, I let her know in no uncertain terms that if she couldn't accept him as every much her grandchild as Kevin and Kate she wouldn't be welcome in any of our lives. Even now, I didn't let Randall come with me on this trip because I've noticed Mom going back to her old ways as her memory started declining, and I wasn't going to risk subjecting him to that even at age 24, no matter how many times he protested that he didn't want me doing an 8-hour drive in a 16-year-old car by myself."
Jenny nods, then shakes her head with frustration.
"What kills me is, I'm the only one even doing any of this research. He's Ted's kid, yet I'm the only one of the two of us who's even making an effort to learn anything about raising a biracial child or how to help him deal with his grief over losing his mom and stepdad so suddenly. And yet despite that, Trevor hates me for no reason…"
"I know," Rebecca says sympathetically, giving her sister a hug.
LATER THAT NIGHT
Rebecca is putting sheets on the bed in her mother's guest room when Janet comes in to see her.
"Hey, Mom!" Rebecca says warmly.
"Hey, sweetheart. Listen, I didn't want to bring this up in front of everyone at dinner, but I know why you came alone, and it's okay," Janet says reassuringly.
Rebecca looks at her mother perplexed. "Why I…"
"Jack started drinking again and you decided you'd had enough, right?" Janet asks.
"What? No, mom, that's not…" Rebecca starts, but she remembers what her sister said and bites her tongue, tears welling up in her eyes.
"It's alright, bunny," Janet says softly. "Look, I wanted to be wrong about Jack, I really did. I wanted your father to be wrong about him. But he's fallen off the wagon and you've forgiven him too many times. I know it's hard but you're doing the right thing for yourself, and your children."
"Mom, please…"
"When Jenny first found out about Ted's affair, she asked me for help leaving him and I said no. I encouraged her to stick it out and clearly I was wrong. I won't make that mistake again. So whatever you need – if you and the kids need a place to stay, or if you need help financially until you get back on your feet – whatever you need, I'll give you – starting with a new car to replace that piece of junk you came here in."
"Mom, please, stop," Rebecca begs, tears in her eyes, breathing heavily as she fights to ward off a panic attack. "I can't…I don't want to talk about this right now, okay?" she pleads. "It's been a long day and I'm tired from the trip and I just want to go to bed."
"Alright, fine," Janet concedes. "But when you're ready to tell me the truth, I'm here to listen."
"Thanks, Mom," Rebecca says quietly, giving her mom a hug. As soon as Janet leaves, Rebecca curls into bed and lets the tears flow, overwhelmed by the double punch of her mother's deterioration combined with the still-crippling grief triggered by her mother's words.