Chapter 10 - Lanterns in the night
Mai was pacing in the living room of her parents' house. With a tense face, her fists clenched hidden in the wide, flared sleeves of her crimson dress, she awaited with increasing impatience her best spy's arrival.
Since Zuko's birthday party, she hadn't made an appearance at the palace, but she had decided that it was time now to put an end to this situation once and for all.
It is true that she had not given her husband the opportunity to explain himself more than a few minutes after facing with him, while he was leaving the secret passage where he had obviously hidden with Azula.
As she turned on her heels to roam the room again in the other direction, her slanted eyes fell on the saucer on a pedestal table where her crown rested.
She no longer dared to wear it.
Before all this even began, she had already wondered several times if this emblem traditionally worn by the Fire Lady, shouldn't rather have adorned Azula's head. Wasn't the princess the one who had faithfully advised Zuko for over a year now, who wrote his speeches and decrees?
Wasn't it towards her that he ran when doubt seized him?
Over the past year, he had spent more time with his sister than with his wife.
At least until now she had a way to console herself: she was the one with which he shared his nights and his bed.
But recently, it seemed that even that privilege had been stolen from her by Azula. Whether she slept with him or not, something was irreparably broken between Mai and Zuko, by her fault.
Often, when trying to be honest with herself, she wondered if Azula hadn't been the catalyst for their breakup. Was their relationship so fragile that the first obstacle placed in their path would lead them to such an end?
She was still amazed that she had been so quick to imagine that an incestuous relationship between Zuko and his sister was possible. This just showed how slim the trust they placed in each other was. What happy and contented wife would believe so easily, without questioning, in such a sordid affair?
She could never say how disappointed she was at Zuko's lack of fighting to get her back. He hadn't come knocking at her house once. Although according to her spies -who miraculously had remained loyal to her- he would often wander, at night, in the corridor where Azula's apartments were located.
It seemed the princess, like her, had so far refused to receive him.
Whatever, apparently the Fire Lord was more concerned with his sister than his own wife.
But after all, who would blame him? She knew what people whispered at Court about her. The respect that Mai enjoyed among courtiers owed nothing to her beauty or to her political intelligence – which wasn't negligible - but when you competed against a genius like Azula, what was left to you?
No, her reputation only came from her noble ancestry and the part she had indirectly taken in the events that precipitated the end of Ozai's reign.
Mai wasn't even a firebender. She wasn't the first. Many Fire Lords' wives had not been benders, starting with Zuko's mother who had nevertheless given birth to two of the most powerful benders of their generation. Perhaps it wasn't very surprising, Ursa being after all nothing less than the granddaughter of the previous Avatar.
Could anyone hope that she herself would give birth to such brood?
At first, the Fire Sages had made no objection to their union. But would they still be well disposed towards her after two years of an obviously unproductive marriage?
What about Zuko? Was he really as happy with her as he claimed to be? Since he had married her, he had stopped traveling the world and Mai hadn't failed to notice the bitterness and frustration in his gaze whenever he saw Aang, Katara, Sokka and Toph climbing on Appa's back for their next mission.
It sometimes occurred to her that he stayed out of obligation, not only to his nation but also to her.
Despite all her efforts to make him forget the adventurous life he would have dreamed of, and although he seemed to love her sincerely, what benefit did he derive from their marriage, with a wife who was hardly interested in the game of power and a child who would probably never come?
In the early months, they had taken precautions on purpose, neither of them feeling ready to become parents. After all, none of their friends their age had children yet and that seemed normal to them. But men do not have the same expectations towards their rulers.
The Nation and the Fire Sages were expecting an heir - as soon as possible.
Mai tended to agree with them. For her, the absence of an heir meant only one thing: if Zuko died, it was to his sister that the coveted title would go. It was a risk few were willing to take. Mai less than anyone.
Although Azula had not yet regained her full powers, Zuko had restored her title of princess which currently made her the only legitimate heir to the Throne.
Azula's return to the palace had precipitated her reflection. And soon, the idea of raising a child with Zuko had become charming, then alluring and finally, totally haunting. Mai had started to see children everywhere. She couldn't help but smile when she saw their small hands, their awkward run, heard their mirthful laughter.
But after a year and a half of trying, there still was no baby.
Mai had tried everything: she had watched her cycle, had followed a strict diet, drank without flinching the bitter potions supposed to increase fertility, concocted at her mother's request by a renowned herbalist. She had seen the royal doctor and had spoken to dozens of midwives, including the one who had helped give birth to Zuko and Azula. Nothing had worked so far.
Of course, Azula knew. And she immediately understood the advantage she could derive from the situation. Mai had been furious to learn that Zuko had confided in his sister about his unfruitful marriage. Didn't he realize that he had just given Azula exactly the information she was hoping for? Since then, she had only tightened her grip on her brother, and he had stupidly let himself be caught in her web.
If she had been foolish enough to believe in witches, Mai undoubtedly would have bought into the lingering rumors among the folk which claimed the princess was one. Her name was used to frighten little children and force them to be good. Mai liked the idea very much and hadn't failed to laugh about it when her spies brought it to her.
Didn't Azula have all the attributes of a witch? Enchanting beauty, incandescent eyes, extraordinary intelligence and power, her stupendous ability to predict people's reactions... The color of her flames, never reported before in records... Wasn't it the proof of a diabolical origin?
Ridiculous, she thought as she finally sat down heavily on the couch in the center of the room. She pulled a shiny blade out of her sleeve and began to sharpen it using a small, flat gray stone that she always carried with her.
She's not a witch, she's just a little whore, nothing more.
A little whore, perhaps, but a whore who had been able to do well.
Azula wanted power, it wasn't a secret. Anyone who didn't see that was blind, or an idiot, starting with Zuko who insisted on trusting her. In the name of whatever sense of family, or maybe out of guilt.
Mai had seen how Azula had grown closer to her brother over the past few months, the glances exchanged, the one-to-one walks in the royal gardens, her sudden coquetry. She, who was once only seen in armor or pants, and wearing her traditional tomboy's bun, now often appeared wearing elegant and slinky dresses, hair down or adorned with small sparkling jewels.
Mai had realized too late that Zuko hadn't been indifferent to it.
Azula had persuaded him that his marriage to Mai was just a parody of happiness. Zuko was a passionate man. He needed adventures, drama, tragedy, tormented loves. Who better than his mentally disturbed sister to give him what he dreamed of?
No doubt he would struggle for a moment against temptation. He was not completely devoid of morality, and he was too preoccupied with what his friends and subjects thought of him to throw himself recklessly into his own sister's arms.
But wasn't that what had happened in Ba Sing Se? Wasn't it Azula's monstrous promises that had convinced him to join her camp when he claimed to have finally found inner peace? For Zuko, temptation had always had the features of the Fire Nation princess.
She was lost in her dark thoughts when three knocks hit on the door.
Mai was alone in the house. Her father was on a diplomatic mission, and she had specifically asked her mother to take Tom-Tom outside to play, long enough to receive her best agent.
"Come in! She ordered without looking up from the stone against which she energetically rubbed the blade of her sparkling shuriken.
"You had me called My Lady," replied the spy who had just entered, bowing: a thin man with a triangular face and narrow shoulders.
Mai deigned to look up at him and her gaze plunged into the odd eyes, one green, the other brown, of the spy who patiently awaited her instructions, both hands crossed behind his back.
"Wu, I need you for a delicate mission which requires the utmost discretion. May I count on you?"
"My Lady, you know that the Fire Lady has all my loyalty and that I have no other priority than to serve her. Order and you will be heard."
Mai couldn't help but roll her eyes at this affected courtesy. This was probably what tired her the most since she had become Fire Lady. The hypocrisy of the people carried her to the height of exasperation. But Wu had proven himself enough and demonstrated his worth and loyalty to her, enough so this behavior would be forgiven.
"Enough palaver, Wu. I didn't bring you here for that. I need your talents for a particularly delicate infiltration mission. I think I'm talking to the right person, don't I?"
"I think so too. May I ask you what the mission consists of My Lady?
"Nothing a former Dai Li's agent as you couldn't undertake, Wu, I assure you."
The man dared to raise his head and gave Mai a sly smile. His green eye sparkled strangely as a ray of sunlight fell on the crown, still resting on the pedestal table, and reflected in his pupil.
"I'm all ears, My Lady". He assured, bowing down to her again.
Walls rumbled and vibrated dangerously all around the training yard as the lightning, bursting from nowhere, struck hard at its target: a block of stone that shattered into pieces under the force of the impact.
A few yards away, the princess, panting in her training outfit, her hair pulled back in a half bun, gazed with satisfaction at what remained of the enormous monolith that exhausted servants had taken hours to transport here in the morning.
The stonemason had guaranteed that this rock could resist an extremely powerful electric charge. Yet it had only taken Azula two attempts to destroy it.
Much to her relief, it seemed that her skill at bending lightning had remained intact despite the turmoil of emotions and the glaring lack of training of the past few weeks. Her anger and frustration seemed to have increased her abilities. And the approach of the summer solstice made her more redoubtable than ever.
Imagining Zuko's face on the smooth, hard surface of the stone had helped too, undeniably. It was Ty Lee's idea.
"Imagine it's that jerk you're about to strike down! It could do you some good!"
She had been right. By the end of their training session, Azula felt drained, and for the first time in weeks, she didn't feel the urge to burn anything in her path.
In recent days, Azula often wondered what would have happened to her if Ty Lee hadn't miraculously appeared. Her support and presence had been a source of unspeakable comfort. Certainly, the young warrior tired her with her chatter, her perpetual gaiety and her scandalous badinage with the groom, the new recruits among the guards or the sons of the courtiers. Ty Lee had never been particularly exigent when it comes to romantic relationships. Azula had ceased to be offended in front of her but did not approve of all that this flighty behavior, unworthy of a young woman coming from nobility. And I'm the one they call a whore! she thought bitterly before pushing the nasty thought away. Ty Lee did not deserve her contempt and her many conquests at least had the merit of distracting the princess from her own problems.
Azula was still thinking of Zuko and her feeling of humiliation, far from fading, continually gave her the impression that a screed of lead had been poured into her stomach. But she had been relieved to find that at least one person in this palace managed to see in her something other than a madwoman or a bitch.
Azula scrupulously ensured that her friend remained strictly ignorant of her mishap with Zuko. That's why she kept her so jealously close to her, making sure she didn't talk to her brother nor Mai. The latter was apparently still cloistered up with her parents and Azula felt a dark satisfaction every time she thought of it.
If she couldn't have Zuko, then no one would!
If Ty Lee found out the identity of the infamous boy she was in love with and who had oddly rejected her, she would stop supporting her. She would look at her like everyone else, with contempt, disbelief, and disgust.
Azula couldn't bear it.
Ty Lee seemed happy that Azula wanted her company. No need to beg her to spend her days and evenings with the princess she adored. Zuko had apparently told her that Mai had gone on vacation with her family for a few weeks and Ty Lee had contented with that explanation. Of course, to force her friend to stay with her, Azula had to put in some effort. Three days earlier, under the insistence of Ty Lee, the princess had agreed to give her the key to the trunk containing the remains of bottles she had not yet drunk. A little ashamed, she had watched the young woman emptying the precious liquors one by one into the stone sink in her bathroom and gathering the empty bottles and flasks in the center of the room to throw them away later, away from the curious gaze of the servants. She had then helped her pick up the clothes that littered the floor and then agreed to have her hair and makeup done by her friend. They would spend much of their days walking around the royal gardens, or practicing in the training yard.
One night, they sneaked outside the palace to go, incognito, in the busy streets of the capital.
Thus, Azula discovered a world she ignored. After spending nearly a month locked in her room, alone, she was a little dizzy to see so many people around her. The sound of giggles, the voices of the merchants calling out the customers, the music and the heavy bursts of laughter of the drunkards coming from the taverns... All these noises seemed as foreign to her as if she was hearing them for the first time.
Her father had never allowed to let her wander these streets at night without a strong escort and a valid reason. After all, this was no place for a princess. Zuko had also been quite reluctant to let her venture into town alone and so far, she had hardly felt the desire, already knowing the opinion people had of her since her return.
That evening, Ty Lee offered to accompany her to see the lanterns lit by the inhabitants of the capital as the solstice approached. Every year in June, for a week, the citizens of the Fire Nation hang lanterns everywhere - at their windows, on the doors of stalls and restaurants, on the edge of the fountains - to celebrate the imminent arrival of the longest day of the year when a firebenders' power was at its peak.
These thousands of small lanterns were supposed to bathe the city in a permanent glow to suggest the idea of an endless day where the night never fell.
Azula remembered begging her mother to bring her see them when she was little. But Ursa had told her she was too young to wander the streets of the capital at night, and, instead she brought an excited Zuko who returned to the palace, passionately describing to Azula every second of the wonderful evening he spent outside
"They look like little fireflies, Zula! Billions of little fireflies flying all around us! It's great, you should see this! After that, Mom and the Captain of the Guards took me to eat marinated meat in a stall run by a scary toothless old man! You would have seen Zula; you would have screamed in terror! And the meat? A treat! I have never eaten anything so good! Next time, we'll go together, and you'll see!'"
Devoured by jealousy, Azula had ended up setting her fingertips ablaze and burning Zuko's pants who had left, screaming in tears. She had been punished and deprived of joining Mom and Zuko in the small living room at story time for a week.
Therefore, it was with a confused mixture of bitterness and fascination that she discovered alongside Ty Lee, the somewhat supernatural atmosphere created by the thousands of small lights that danced around them, and the colored lanterns with various patterns hung all over the city.
After buying a bag of particularly greasy donuts which they shared on the way, Ty Lee led her through the streets to a small square dimly lit by lanterns and garlands hung between the roofs. In the center stood a shabby shack run by the most wrinkled old woman she had ever seen. Behind her, on the shelves, were stacked hundreds of lanterns of various sizes, some already painted, others still intact.
Under the princess' perplexed gaze, Ty Lee bought two blank lanterns and, after borrowing from the old woman a panoply of paintbrushes and various colored ink bottles, she took her by the hand and led her to a small table where half a dozen children were already seated. Sometimes escorted by a parent, or an older sibling, they covered the crumpled paper surface of their lantern with awkward designs and vivid colors, with heightened enthusiasm.
Azula wondered if Mum and Zuko had painted a lantern together, in this same square, years ago. Probably not. Otherwise, they would have brought her a lantern, right? They knew how much she loved them.
Ty Lee invited Azula to sit with them and moved to the bench in front of her. At first a little embarrassed to take part in such a childish ritual, Azula observed Ty lee who was already spreading a large layer of blue ink on her lantern. So, she grabbed a brush and chose the colors she would use. She finally got caught up in the game and the crumpled paper was soon covered with various small designs and patterns: suns, dragons, flowers, birds, and intricate arabesques in various colors soon covered the wrinkled surface of her lantern.
"You have always been so good at drawing!" Ty Lee enthused, facing her, her face framed by both hands and admiring her work, her own roughly painted lantern drying beside her.
It was true. Azula liked activities that required precision and patience. At the Academy, her masters had been amazed by the quality and refinement of her prints. She remembered that one of them had praised her to Father, one day. She must have been seven or eight years old.
Father looked annoyed and let out a scornful little snort before retorting to her drawing teacher who had shriveled in place: "My daughter is a firebending prodigy. She has too much talent to waste her time with crafts as futile and silly as yours."
From that day, Azula had stopped drawing and painting in front of Father. She would sometimes devote herself to it in her free time or at night. Lit by a small lantern she took with her to her bed, she spent hours painting on pieces of parchment, small lines in charcoal or ink. She hid her works in her trunk and sometimes kept one which she would
offer to Mom when Dad wasn't there.
Ursa would thank her, distractedly glance at her drawing, congratulate her and quickly put the parchment back on the pedestal table next to her seat, then return her attention to Zuko's work which she would enthusiastically compliment.
On the square, Ty Lee's exclamation had caught the attention of a little girl sitting next to her. The child let out a loud cry of admiration as she contemplated Azula's artwork, who was now looking at her lantern, holding it above her to make sure nothing was missing.
"Mum," the little girl pawed, "Mum, come see what the pretty lady has done!"
The mother, a plump little woman with a friendly face, approached, smiling and congratulated Azula.
"Mom," the excited little girl said, "Please, can you ask her to paint mine?"
"Let's see Yuki", her mother lectured her, "The young lady probably doesn't want to paint your lantern. She surely spent hours doing it! It's so detailed and meticulous!"
"Give me your lantern," Azula said to the so-called Yuki stretching her hand towards her.
Eyes sparkling, the little girl put her lantern in Azula's hands and sat down next to her to watch her work, so close that Azula found it hard to see what she was doing.
Ty Lee watched the scene with a big smile, her gray eyes shining with emotion.
Attracted by little Yuki's cries of joy, all the children had approached and soon Azula was surrounded by a cheerful, noisy and admiring crowd who were contemplating her work with large round eyes.
"Here!" Azula said to the little girl when she finished her work. Take it by the ring, gently, without touching it, so that the paint has time to dry."
Yuki thanked her warmly, as well as her mother. And when they walked away, all the other children rushed at the same time to Azula to ask her to draw something on their lantern.
Azula was not used to children, neither to people crowding around her like that. A little scared, she turned her head to Ty Lee, silently asking for help. But her friend was smiling ear to ear and took a step or two back, signifying her intention to let her get out of this predicament on her own.
"Fine, fine!" Azula shouted finally. "One drawing per person, no more!"
Shouts of joy greeted this announcement and Azula found herself again on her bench, brush in hand, surrounded by half a dozen brown heads, asking for a lion, demanding a flying bison, or a soldier riding a komodo-rhino.
When she finished, she stood up and all the children left, overjoyed, their respective lanterns in their little hands.
"You did awfully well!" Ty Lee congratulated her as Azula cracked her sore fingers after such painstaking work. "Come on, let's free our lanterns, it's almost time!"
Every night during the Solstice festival, at midnight, lanterns were dropped into the sky by the canal or on the Lee and Azula made their way to the canal docks where a crowd of happy-looking men, women and children were already gathering, ready to release their lanterns into the starry sky. Azula held her own lantern firmly in her hand, a little worried.
What would Father say if he could see her? He would have hated to see her participate in a popular party in the midst of all these boors, playing the streets animator, surrounded by a swarm of lousy little brats. He would no doubt have locked her in her room for days and deprived her of meals, as when he found her playing with the cook's son flipping stones on the rippled surface of the pond in the gardens surrounding the palace. He didn't like when Azula got distracted. She had to be perfect in every way and nothing should distract her from her work. He watched over it scrupulously.
"It's time, Azula!" Ty Lee told her, putting a hand on her shoulder, pulling her out of her reverie.
Azula shook her head to come to her senses. A hint of guilt gripping her heart, she lit the small candle in her lantern. A little flickering blue flame glowed for a moment before taking on a normal orange hue. She set Ty Lee's one ablaze in the same way and they let go of their lanterns at the same time.
Hundreds of small bright spots flew up all at the same time in the summer sky. Azula followed hers with her eyes, but it quickly mingled with the others which were slowly ascending towards the sky. She narrowed her eyes slightly. So that she could only see their glow which rose towards the heights of the Caldera. That way, they looked like...
"They look like little fireflies, Zula! Next time we will go together, and you'll see!"'
Tears rolled down her cheeks before she could hold them back. A few months earlier, Zuko had promised to bring her to the Lantern Festival. It was he, not Ty Lee, who should have been by her side at this moment.
As she held back a sob, she felt Ty Lee's hand slip into hers and, without taking her eyes off the celestial ballet of lanterns, Azula squeezed it.
Silent, the Fire Lord stood in the shade of the galleries bordering the royal garden. He was sweating profusely under his heavy crimson robe with long sleeves and several layers. He growled internally against the traditions that required sovereigns to wear this outfit supposed to make him intimidating.
It's time for a new decree, he thought, looking out over the sun-drenched courtyard.
At Solstice time, in the Fire Nation, temperatures often reached record highs and even a firebender like him could hardly endure the heatwave.
He would have preferred to go back to his rooms to change his clothes before welcoming Mai, but this morning's meeting had overwhelmed his schedule and he hadn't even had time to eat lunch. He wasn't really hungry anyway. Since the events with Azula, he had lost his appetite. He usually contented himself with soup and a few fruits instead of the opulent suppers that were served to him each evening and he sometimes felt a little guilty to see the plates return to the kitchens full of extraordinary dishes still intact.
The cook continued to prepare dishes for four even though he had been eating his meals alone for over a month. Azula always had her dishes brought to her room and while Ty Lee had sometimes accompanied him to dinner, she stayed with the princess most of the time.
He was relieved that his sister had accepted her friend's presence so well; and Ty Lee had assured him that she was already doing a little better. The princess had apparently agreed to leave her apartments and occasionally went to the gardens or the training yard.
However, she continued to carefully avoid him, and they had never crossed paths since Ty Lee arrived.
He figured Azula mustn't have told Ty Lee about what had happened between them, judging by the demeanor of the young acrobat who was as friendly as usual in his presence. He wondered what his sister had told her to justify her strange behavior and the mutilations that Ty Lee said were still clearly visible on her wrists and forearms.
Zuko demanded from Ty Lee a detailed report on Azula's mental and physical condition. Every evening, when Azula went to the royal spa, Ty Lee would come to find him and give him her account. However, he was not sure that the Kyoshi Warrior's loyalty to him superseded her friendship with the princess. Her reports were quite vague and Zuko sometimes felt like Ty Lee was hiding information from him. But in the meantime, he was relieved to know that someone was watching over his little sister and that she was no longer in danger of doing something irrational like hurting herself again.
He took out the big pocket watch Teo had given to him two years ago and scowled when he saw that he had been waiting for Mai for more than a quarter of an hour. Of course, she would keep him waiting. He would have had plenty of time to change and choose a more informal outfit. Not knowing in what state of mind she would come to him, he worried that she would misinterpret being received so solemnly by her own husband.
His throat was dry. He parted the collar of his robe with one finger, searching for some air. He was about to go into the courtyard to fetch some water from the fountain when a young servant came, trotting towards him and bowed deeply.
"Lord Zuko," she announced, "I have been told to inform you that Lady Mai is in your apartments and that she is waiting for you."
"In my apartments? But... in her letter, she asked me to find her here…" he stammered, a little bewildered.
The young woman just stared at him with big round eyes, in silence.
Zuko thanked her and dismissed her with a hand gesture before hurrying towards his rooms.
No doubt Mai wanted their conversation to be private. He didn't know if it was a good sign or not. Inside, he was fuming: was it too complicate to indicate in her letter the reason of her visit? At least, he would know what to expect?
Was she going to break up? Ask him for forgiveness? Blackmail him?
Zuko wasn't sure what to think about Mai anymore. He loved her, that was the only certainty. He felt miserable for having hurt and humiliated her this way.
Being the target of sordid rumors himself, he could only too easily imagine what Mai must be feeling. Becoming the cheated upon woman of a man who preferred his own sister in everyone's eyes.
Whose fault is it? He thought darkly as he turned the corner leading to the east wing of the palace.
Mai had only herself to blame. She had her responsibility in the cataclysm that had swept over their lives.
Of course, Zuko should have been more honest with her from the start, and no doubt he should have been much firmer with Azula right when he noticed the first clues.
But he had been afraid of hurting her by refusing her invitation to stay with her, just a few more hours. His sister was still fragile, and he knew that she didn't take well any form of rejection. Azula had such a lonely life. When Ty Lee was away, and that was most of the year, Azula had no one else to share good times with.
To his surprise, he had to admit that he had appreciated at first, the unexpected tenderness she showed him. He was delighted to finally be able, for the first time since childhood, to take his little sister in his arms, hold her hand in his or make her dance, without a second thought.
He never had any inappropriate thoughts on his mind. Never, not until this disastrous night.
But he was determined to put an end to these abject reveries. His conversation with Taïma had merit enough to convince him. As much for Azula's sake as for his own, he had to be adamant.
He finally arrived in front of his room. The door, guarded by two armored guards, was open. He saw her immediately. She was standing in the center of the room, her heavy black bangs crossing her forehead, her hands hidden in her wide sleeves, as usual.
"Mai …" That was all he could speak.
Suddenly he forgot everything he had intended to say. Seeing her there, in the room where they had shared so many happy moments, arose a wave of various emotions. Anger, joy, hope, resentment… He noted that she had knotted her hair in the way he loved so much: most of her hair pulled back to her neck and held in place by a clip, black strands escaping either side of her neck and her ears adorned with the gold earrings he had gifted her for their wedding anniversary.
"Close the door," she ordered.
He instantly obeyed and turned to her, waiting to see what she was going to say.
"You look terrible," she snapped, staring intently at him.
"You too," he retorted immediately.
They exchanged a long, penetrating look. Zuko wondered if, like him, Mai had felt the need to bite her cheeks to keep from laughing.
He had always liked her outspokenness and the acidity of her sarcasm, even if it at times painfully reminded him of Azula.
The silence that settled between them seemed to drag on. The tension was at its height and the heat that reigned in the room didn't help Zuko to gather his ideas and find what to say.
I'm sorry... Forgive me... It's your fault... What you did was wrong... I love you...
His mouth opened slowly, ready to vocalize one or all of these statements. That would be in vain anyway and wouldn't erase the horror of what he had done, or the persistent feeling of betrayal he felt when he thought about what she had done. But she was the first to speak.
"If you want, I'm ready to come back. But if you're not sure, I'll leave, and you won't hear from me again. It's up to you to decide."
He did a hesitant step towards her. But his voice was strong when he replied, "Of course I want you to come back."
Mai walked in his direction as well. They soon found themselves face to face, close enough to touch each other.
"Mai," he tried, "The other night, on my birthday, with Azula… I am sorry…"
"I didn't come to talk about her. I came to ask you if you were ready to try to win me back."
Zuko closed in a few more inches. She didn't push him away when he wrapped his hands around her waist. The scent of her perfume suddenly assailed him, summoning with it a wave of familiar sensations and happy memories. It was the same perfume she had worn for their first time, shortly after returning from exile, and on their wedding night. He gently closed his eyes to feast on these intoxicating scents. He buried his face in her black hair and whispered:
"By all means."
"Then prove it to me," she whispered barely audible, bringing her face closer to his.
Zuko's lips instantly captured hers as he clapped both hands on either side of her thin face. Shrinking the distance between their two bodies, he hugged her tightly.
Already his wife's impatient hands were removing the cape and the heavy leather shoulder pads that covered the top of his formal dress, while Zuko's made their way under Mai's bustier. When he felt Mai's fingers play around with his belt, he released her to help her get rid of the extra layers of clothing that still separated her from his skin. Soon he was shirtless, and his hands returned to their place under Mai's robe who inhaled sharply as he pressed against her in order to bring her the proof of his growing desire.
Without waiting, Zuko pushed her to the bed and laid on top of her, covering her neck with fiery kisses, each of them causing Mai a long shudder.
For a moment, the hatred and resentment were forgotten. Just like the mistrust and bitterness.
When he held her naked and thin body in his arms, and as he sank into her, when their two bodies became one, for the first time in a long time, and although he didn't leave the palace for months, he finally felt at home.
"No way, Ty Lee, don't insist! "
"Come on Azula, please, it will really change your mind, you'll see!"
"There's no way I'm falling as low as hanging out with boys below my rank just to forget what happened."
"What are you talking about? The only man in the Fire Nation who doesn't rank below you is Zuko!"
Azula fell silent and crossed her arms over her chest. How could Ty Lee have the nerve to make such a proposal to her? If she wanted to go out with her new lover, why involve her in her sordid adventures?
At least she would have a free hand tonight and she could get a decanter of that promising wine that had been served to them at dinner and that Ty Lee had poured into her bathtub before she could even taste it.
She genuinely loved Ty Lee. But having her on her back all the time, hearing her sermons about how she was wasting her life by staying cloistered up in the palace, hearing her reproaches about her penchant for good wines and to submit to her stupid advice on how to attract boys, sometimes put her on the verge of hysteria.
For two days already, Ty Lee begged her to go outside with her for the night, as they had done for the Solstice festival, to go dancing in the streets with the young people of the Caldera.
Sitting on her bed, she was busy painting her toenails with a scarlet varnish. Ty Lee, standing in front of her on the carpeted floor, was literally stamping her feet.
"Do you really want to see me jiggle like a fool at a commoner's arm in a stinking alley in the city?" she replied fiercely.
"I already told you! He is not a commoner: his father is a Commander in the navy, and he himself is about to enlist! He is tall, strong and muscular, just as you like! I'm sure you'll love him!"
"Have I ever given you the impression of appreciating one of the idiots you introduced to me?"
Ty Lee walked over uninvited to sit next to her on the bed, making Azula's hand which was holding the brush tremor. A little nail polish slid off the skin of her big toe and she gave her friend a murderous look - who pretended to ignore it.
"Azula, if you don't come, Hikaru will take me for an idiot! I promised him I would come with a friend! He will immediately understand that I want to go out with him if you don't come!"
"And since when is this a problem?" Azula asked skeptically, arching an eyebrow.
"He's a shy man! He only agreed to come accompanied by his friend. I'm afraid he'll run away if I'm too brisk."
"Oh, really?" Azula replied, returning her attention to her toe, which she wiped thoroughly with a small piece of tissue and a product contained in a tiny glass vial placed on the bed next to her. Maybe you should wonder about his real inclinations?"
"Stop it, Azula! I know he likes me, but he just needs things to go smoothly! He's gonna be mad if I don't come with you. His friend is expecting you!"
"Go with someone else! I lend you Sanae! I don't need her tonight. Take her, comb her well and dress her, but leave me out of your superficial ploy!"
Sanae, one of Azula's ladies-in-waiting, was the daughter of a nobleman who entered her service the year before. The girl was terrified of the princess and Azula loved to torment her when she had the energy. But she knew that Ty Lee liked her and sometimes behaved like a big sister to her. This budding friendship exasperated her to the highest degree.
But if that can take the drudgery away from me tonight...
"Sanae? She is fifteen, Azula!"
"Oh! Please Ty Lee, you were younger than her when you started dating boys!"
"I'm not going to go with Sanae. Her father would be mad at me! Please Azula, it's with you that I want to go! I would have asked Mai, but she is married, that is much more delicate! And then I doubt she would agree to leave Zuko anyway now that they are reunited."
Azula was busy refinishing the nail on her big toe. She tensed in such a sudden movement that the brush slipped out of her hands again and the shiny product left a long trail down the length of her toe to her foot. She felt her throat tighten and it was with difficulty that she asked, turning to Ty Lee:
"What did you say? Mai? She… she came back?"
"Yes!" Ty Lee exclaimed happily. "I met the General Kadao earlier! He informed me that she returned yesterday from her vacation with her family on Ember Island! I can always ask her to come with me tonight, but I don't think it would be appropriate. She is still the Fire Lord's wife!"
Azula noticed that she had suddenly stopped breathing. Beside her, Ty Lee continued to chatter enthusiastically but the princess could not understand any word she spoke. Her heart was pounding and contracting painfully in her chest. Her throat suddenly dried up and she felt her lower lip tremble uncontrollably and blood rush to her cheeks.
"Did… did you see her?" she managed to ask in a voice a little too high for her liking.
Too busy braiding her hair, Ty Lee didn't notice the princess's sudden change in attitude.
"No, apparently she immediately went to find Zuko and according to the guards, they haven't left their apartments since yesterday. They had time to catch up in my opinion, if you see what I mean!" Ty Lee joked happily.
Teeth and jaw clenched, brow furrowed, Azula turned the face to prevent her friend to see the murderous expression that was distorting her features.
"I'm actually surprised that Mai's been away with her family for so long," Ty Lee continued, giving Azula a beaming smile that she was unable to respond to. "It's not like she gets along very well with them. I even wondered for a moment if something hadn't happened between them. Zuko looked so depressed the last few days! But if what the guards and servants whisper is true, then I think I was worrying for nothing!"
And she laughed again.
Azula said nothing. Eyes resolutely lowered to her feet, arms dangling to either side of her body, she tried to think. If Mai was back, it could only mean one thing. She would have forgiven him for his misconduct with Azula. And if Zuko had accepted her back, then what chance was left she with?
Any chance? There never was. He was very clear: he doesn't want you.
Yet, she couldn't manage to forget his gaze when he had hugged her on the sofa in her bedroom, the fiery glow in his golden irises as he watched her comb her hair in front of the mirror, the touch of his hand sliding over her throat. She hadn't dreamed it!
What if it was? What if she had imagined all this? She had to make sure. She had to!
"Azula? Are you still here?"
Ty Lee's question abruptly brought Azula back to reality. Trying to control the quivering of her lips and the sound of her voice, she turned a determined look to her friend and said:
"You know what Ty? Finally, I think you are right. This evening will do me good. You can tell your friends that I'll be there."
The exclamation of joy that sprang from Ty Lee's lips was accompanied by the predictable hug that made Azula feel like she was crushing her ribs.
"I adore you!" Ty lee yelled, kissing Azula on both cheeks. "But we have to prepare quickly! I have nothing to wear! Would you lend me one of your dresses?" she asked, joining both hands in prayer, her large pleading eyes on Azula's impassive face.
"Take what you want from my closet. I'll meet you soon. I have something to do."
And without further explanation, she left an overexcited Ty Lee, who was already coming out of the outfits from the large white wooden wardrobe, and she left the room with a determined step.
In the shaded patio, Zuko and Mai were comfortably settled on the sofa. Mai had stretched her legs out in front of her and let them rest on Zuko's knees who caressed them absent-mindedly without taking his eyes off her. Mai was sharpening the already keen blade of one of her multitude of knives on her favorite whetstone, the one he had given her on her last birthday.
He couldn't believe she returned. He hadn't felt so serene, or so happy in weeks. He and Mai hadn't really taken the time to talk about Azula, or Mai's betrayal, and he was in no hurry to bring up these unpleasant topics.
"Your Highness?" said a shy little voice right behind them.
Zuko turned his head to find the maid bowing to them, an apron tied around her hips. He nodded, inviting her to speak.
"The Princess asks to be received by Your Majesties," she announced without looking up at them.
"The Princess?" he echoed stupidly, speechless.
His distraught gaze met Mai's, who had stopped sharpening her knife and was considering him gravely, waiting to see how he would react.
How was it possible that in six weeks he had only had the opportunity to speak to Azula twice? And that each time Mai was present?
It made him wonder if his sister wasn't doing it on purpose.
"Shall I tell her to come in Sire?"
"Well, uh, I…" he stammered, continuing to question Mai with his eyes.
Apparently, his wife was not inclined to help him. Her face impassive, she was waiting for him to make his own decision.
"The princess insists a lot, Sire..."
"Well yes… let her come in, then." he ordered in a quavering voice that was sorely lacking in conviction.
The little maid bowed again and quickly disappeared.
Zuko stood up, forcing Mai to remove her legs and sit down. She stood up in turn to greet their guest.
Seconds later, Azula appeared, wearing a traditional long dress and a high half bun that let her hair fall over her shoulders. She wore her tree-point headpiece. Her face sported the familiar smile that Zuko generally equated to imminent troubles.
"Mai!" she exclaimed. "What a pleasure to see you again! I couldn't believe my ears when Ty Lee told me you were back. How was your stay on Ember Island?"
Mai didn't answer and scowled.
Not embarrassed at all, Azula approached them. She gave Mai a quick hug. Zuko thought his wife had probably never been so tense. And when she was close enough to Zuko, Azula put a hand on his shoulder.
"Brother dear," she greeted him, an incandescent glow illuminating her orange eyes.
A whiff of jasmine scent enveloped him as she tiptoed up to kiss him on the cheek. He couldn't help but blush furiously and avoided Mai's gaze, which was fixed on him.
Luckily Azula walked away quickly and headed to the couch on which she lay down comfortably, roughly in the same position as had Mai a few seconds before.
Noticing the fruit platter placed on the coffee table, right in front of her, she took a handful of cherries and looked up at them again, an expression of malicious joy spreading over her face.
"I'm so happy to see you both. The rumors that were circulating about your leaving, Mai, made me very upset. Fortunately, I know you well enough to know that you would never abandon Zuzu in such a predicament."
Zuko risked a glance at Mai. Despite her best efforts to display an impassive face, he guessed that she was fuming inside.
"Why are you here Azula?" he asked sharply.
Azula pretended to choke and feigned a surprised look while sitting up abruptly:
"Oh Zuzu! I was not going to stay cloistered up in my room while everyone celebrates the long-awaited return of the Fire Lady! I am the Fire Lord's sister. It is my duty to receive his wife and to help her feel at home."
"I feel perfectly at home Azula," Mai replied coldly, "Don't worry about me."
"Oh, believe me, I don't."
And she held her sister-in-law's gaze. At this moment, Zuko who was between them wished he was an earthbender to be able to disappear into the ground. Azula had only been there for a minute and the tension in the patio was already at its height.
"So? Let's talk. What are you doing on this beautiful summer day?" she asked, picking up another handful of cherries which she ate one after another, biting into their flesh and chewing with deliberate slowness, not looking away from them with her fiery eyes.
"As you say so well, we are enjoying our reunion. The night was not enough to satisfy us."
"Mai!" Zuko exclaimed, livid.
But Azula, far from appearing jealous, laughed heartily, stretched and slipped an arm casually over the back of the sofa.
"I'm not really surprised by our dear Zuzu! You know that better than anyone. I still wonder how he lasted so long without you. Don't you have a little idea, Mai?"
A murderous expression crossed Mai's slanted eyes. It was time to intervene if he didn't want the sun tonight to set on a bloodbath or a heap of ash.
"Azula, tell us what you want and go! You are not welcome here!"
"Don't be rude, Zuzu. You didn't even offer me a drink. It's so hot ... I guess you don't want everyone to hear that the Fire Lord is letting his little sister die of dehydration?" she purred.
Containing his rage, Zuko snapped his fingers, and the little maid was instantly at his side.
"Bring my sister a glass of water," he commanded.
"Mmh, I think I would prefer a freshly squeezed mango-guava juice. Put a lot of ice cubes in it. Go!" she ordered.
The servant bowed deeply before Azula and walked quickly towards the palace.
Zuko turned to Azula who was looking at them again with a satisfied air. Smoke was starting to come out of the knuckles of his fingers and nostrils.
Azula stretched again and yawned conspicuously, then picked up a cherry between her fingers. She twirled it for a moment between her thumb and middle finger before bringing it to her lips painted with the same scarlet color.
Zuko swallowed hard.
"The night promises to be magnificent," Azula continued after a long silence, "How nice to know that each of us will spend it in such a good company!"
"What do you mean?" asked Mai who obviously couldn't help herself.
Azula folded an arm behind her head and leaned against a couch cushion:
"You two here, Ty Lee and her new suitor… me and this dashing young soldier she's going to introduce to me…"
Zuko bit the inside of his cheeks so as not to betray his reaction. What was she talking about? It was Mai who asked the question that burned his lips.
"Which soldier?"
"Ty Lee and I are going out dancing tonight. Oh, but I forgot! How clumsy of me! That's why I came to find you Zuzu. I needed official permission from the Fire Lord to venture out of the palace tonight."
Zuko remained silent and considered her for a moment. A wave of hatred and fury gripped him. His answer was ready, but he couldn't formulate it in front of Mai.
How to justify a refusal to his wife?
The memory of an old conversation with Ty Lee came back to him: "She's not your prisoner Zuko. You have to let her live her life! Her universe cannot be reduced to you!"
When he was finally able to speak again, all he could say was: "Dancing?" in an incredulous tone. He couldn't imagine Azula jiggling in the streets to the rhythm of a popular tune.
"From what Ty Lee told me, he's an excellent partner and a promising firebender. Maybe you could offer him a post in the Imperial Guard, Zuzu? This will prevent me from having to play the loose woman in the streets of the Capital to join him!"
"The streets of the Capital?" he protested, trying to remain indifferent to her provocations. "Aren't you staying in the Caldera?"
"Didn't I specify it? Oh, sorry Zuzu. No, we can't take the risk of being recognized. I can't compromise the reputation of the Fire Lord by behaving like a courtesan, can I? And then you see, this boy is already engaged to the daughter of a nobleman. If he's seen with the Fire Nation Princess, can you imagine the scandal! We will be quieter in the crowded streets of the Capital, incognito. Ty Lee's friend knows a perfect place for couples who need some privacy… if you see what I mean Zuzu…"
Zuko was about to answer but Mai preceded him:
"It's perfect Azula, very good. I hope the four of you have a good evening. Zuko is happy, like me, that you are finally having fun."
Zuko swallowed his words, realizing that he had no say in it and the murderous look Mai gave him didn't really imply contradiction.
He tried, however, "I'd be more reassured if Kadao came with you."
"Zuko," Mai objected. "Ty Lee and Azula are probably two of the most dangerous girls in the nation. In your place I would worry more about their potential attackers than for them!"
It was irrefutable. He sighed and nodded.
One moment, the idea of following her by himself, hidden under the guise of the Blue Spirit, crossed his mind but he drove it away immediately. How would he explain his prolonged absence to Mai?
"Perfect! We agree! I wish you a beautiful evening, Mai…" Azula exclaimed happily, leaping gracefully to her feet.
"Zuzu," she continued, approaching him, one hand on his shoulder, for another kiss on his ravaged cheek, "Don't worry..."
And leaning towards him, she whispered in his ear so that only he could hear:
"I promise you a detailed report on my return..."
Zuko closed his eyes to fight against the wave of opposing emotions which raised in him at this sudden closeness and these insane words. He didn't know if he wanted to push her away, hit her until she passed out on the floor, twist her wrists... or hug her and bury his head in her neck to feast on her jasmine scent.
And you Zuko, how did you feel?
He shook his head to chase from his mind the memory of the most uncomfortable conversation he had ever had.
He knew that his discussion with Taïma would undoubtedly bring out thoughts that he would have preferred to keep buried. But it had been necessary.
He could see more clearly now… At least he could until Azula appeared again and once again shook up all his certainties.
And once again in the presence of Mai.
"Good evening guys!" spoke Azula by retreating slowly.
With a vague wave of her hand, she refused the glass full of fruit juice that the maid who had just appeared in the room held out to her, a tray loaded with glasses, a pitcher and a bowl of ice cubes in the hands.
He watched his sister for a moment, captivated by the sparkling reflection of the sun on her three-pointed crown.
Then she disappeared.
Zuko waited a bit before turning around to face Mai's gaze, who he was sure must be standing behind him, arms folded across her chest, an expression of pure hatred shining in her small, half-moon eyes, a murderous blade clenched in her fist.
So much for this chapter. I hope you liked it. Thanks to my beta reader DraughtJunkman for his help with the translation and the constructive comments he gives me.
Do not hesitate to give me your opinion, your interpretation and your impressions in reviews!