Author's Note: Here's the next chapter. Tell me what you think of it. Any and all comments are welcome.
"Sixty-three. Sixty-four. Sixty-five. Sixty-six. Sixty-seven. Sixty-eight. Sixty-nine."
…
"Tucker," Luke said, "You can't stop counting your squats at 69."
"No. This time, my legs went out."
Luke sighed and rolled his eyes. He helped out his half-brother stand up straight again. "Better?"
"Wowza! I haven't felt this sore since the cheerleader squad party at freshman year."
"You want me to believe you banged an entire cheerleader squad when you were fourteen?" Luke asked.
"I want you to, but really, the football captain showed up and cracked three of my ribs."
"That's what I thought."
At that time, Church finally rose from his bed. He groaned very loudly as he climbed out of his sheets with messy hair.
"Could you assholes keep it down, please?" Church asked.
"Sorry, Church, but we can't rest yet." Luke said. "We're demigods readying to fight monsters outside of camp. So we gotta train around the clock. Which reminds me, I need the three of you to come with me. I've got something special set up for you."
"Three?" Church asked.
"Hello!" Caboose greeted as he suddenly appeared.
"Whoa, what the eff! Where did you come from?" Church asked.
"Well, my mom told me she had a coupon." Caboose answered.
"Dude, what's that supposed to mean?" Tucker asked.
"Come on, guys. We got some practice to do." Luke said leading his friends outside.
Luke lead the rest of Blue Team over to the base of a cliff. The four of them stood in front of a deep cave.
"Why are we in front of Degobah's fear cave test thing?" Church asked.
"Inside this cave is a series of obstacles designed to test both your reflexes and your mettle." Luke said.
"Like copper?" Tucker asked.
"No, that's metal." Luke said. "I said mettle."
"Whatever."
"So you want us to go through this obstacle course, and you think that'll make us better soldiers?" Church asked.
"Yes, I do." Luke said. "And Tucker here will demonstrate."
"What?" Tucker asked. "No effing way. I'm not doing this."
"Why not?" Luke asked.
"Because it's bullshit."
"We'll see how you feel about that when you cross through it. Now, on your mark… get set…"
"This is so stu… OW!" Tucker immediately ran when Luke poked his back with his sword. "Okay! I'm going!"
Tucker ran into the cave with his sword in hand. He leaped over some large rocks and slashed his way through the wooden walls in front of him. When he came across some traffic cones, he knocked them all over with his word.
"Stupid effing cone."
Suddenly, Tucker found himself being shot at by a bunch of arrows. "Oh, god! Where are these coming from?"
Tucker managed to slip through the arrows, but then found himself in a wide open field with several other Greek soldiers fighting each other in a brutal warzone. "Who are these people?"
Tucker couldn't explain how, but he was suddenly driving a chariot through a tunnel that was filled with explosives going off as he passed by. "WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON?!"
In the end, Tucker came out of the other end of the cave where Luke and the others were waiting. Church couldn't help but laugh.
"Oh, please! Tell me someone got that on their phone!"
"Congratulations, Tucker." Luke said. "That time was… adequate for a beginner."
"I… What was…" Tucker said nearly out of breath.
"Just an adrenaline rush. I'll wear off." Luke said smugly. "Now, Caboose, you're up next. You don't have to do better than Tucker, but…"
BOOM! "I'm done. Thank you."
All of Caboose's cabin mates were dumbstruck. In an instant, Caboose managed to get through the entire obstacle course. Nobody could provide a good explanation.
"What the…" Church asked.
"I have no idea." Luke said. "Sometimes, I'm actually convinced Caboose is some kind of secret god we don't know about." He cleared his throat and turned to Church. "Well, Church, it looks like you're the last to…" He widened his eyes. "Oh, boy."
"What?" Church asked. "Do I have something on my face?"
"No, but you're about to."
Church was nearly stunned hearing a gruff, yet feminine voice behind him. The amnesiac turned to see Clarisse towering above him by a head. She was accompanied by two other girls almost as big as she was.
"Uh, hi." Church said. "Can I help you? I doubt it. Looks like you can reach the top shelf on your own."
Clarisse gave a fake laugh. "You're a funny newbie. I can't wait to pummel you."
"Pummel me?" Church asked. "I hardly think so. Back me up, Luke."
"No thank you. I think you got this handled, buddy." Luke said.
"Say what now?" Church asked.
"Church, that's Clarisse La Rue, daughter of Ares and head of his cabin." Luke said. "She's one of the toughest girls in camp. Even I'm not willing enough to get in her way."
Clarisse grabbed Church by his shirt and lifted him up to her face. "So here's how it's going to work. I'm in charge of giving all newbies their official Camp Half-Blood welcoming ceremonies! Cooperate, and maybe, I'll leave you alone for the rest of your pathetically short life here."
"Wait! Hold on!" Church panicked. "Tucker, do something!"
"Right!" Tucker said. "So Clarisse, as the daughter of Ares, you must know how to handle a lot of weapons. Think you can handle my spear? Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"
Clarisse gave Tucker a burning stare. "Do you want me to shove my entire first up your ass?"
"My answer may not be what you expect." Tucker said.
Clarisse growled. "Girls, hold the new guy and let's take him to the toilets!"
"The what?!" Church asked. He tried to escape, but the other girls held him by his arms and dragged him away from the cliff.
"Um, Luke," Caboose said, "Is Church going to be okay?"
"As long as he doesn't say anything that will tick Clarisse off." Luke said before realizing what he said. "Oh, boy. Church is going to die."
Just outside of the Red Team cabin, most of the team were outside. That's when Simmons looked out in the distance to see Clarisse and her friends dragging Church against his will.
"Uh, Sarge," Simmons said, "What's that going on over there?"
"Hmm… It looks like Clarisse is going to give a welcome swirly to the blue." Sarge said. "Meh. These things happen."
Annabeth sighed before walking towards Clarisse and her friends to follow. "Guess I better make sure she doesn't kill him."
"WAIT, WAIT!" Church yelled out as the girls carried him right into the bathroom. He panicked some more when Clarisse opened a bathroom stall. They tried to dunk his head into the toilet, but he gripped the sides of the seat trying to fight them. "Come on, girls! I'm not tall enough to ride this ride! I… suffer from dizzy spells! And I'm pregnant!"
"Oh, stop being a big baby." Clarisse said. She raised her foot to stomp his head in, but something stopped her.
Everyone stopped when they began hearing the sound of metal creaking from the pipes above them. All of a sudden, metal bolts popped off nearly hitting them. They let go of Church to avoid the bolts. Church looked up and saw that the pipes were getting bigger and fatter. Then, water began leaking out. The leaks became bigger and bigger until…
BOOM!
An explosion of water burst right out of the pipes and sprayed right at the bullies. Church became careful to avoid the big bursts that instead hit the girls. They were sprayed on so hard, they were forced to leave the bathroom.
"THIS ISN'T OVER, FRESH MEAT!" Clarisse declared as she ran out of the bathroom.
At that moment, the leaks stopped and Annabeth carefully entered. When she saw the wet mess everywhere, she turned to Church who stood up from where he was hiding.
"How did you do that?" Annabeth asked.
"It wasn't me." Church said. "Must have been the crazy plumbing around here."
"Whoa." Mr. D said as he walked right in behind Annabeth. "I haven't seen a mess like this since Thermopylae. I take it things got messy, Mr. Chess?"
"It's Church."
"Whatever. Anyway, I came to invite you over to the Big House. We found something that might answer a few of your questions."
The Big House, the most important structure in Camp Half-Blood. It's where the camp staff stay, and it was basically built like a manor. Dionysis guided Church and Annabeth inside and to the living room where Chiron waited.
"So what did you want to… show?" Annabeth paused in surprise seeing what was laying on top of the table. It was the same gutted robot body that D and Chiron found earlier. The look of it made Church's jaw drop.
"Tex."
Chiron raised his head surprised at what Church had said. "You know this automaton?"
"I… think so." Church said hesitantly. "I know her name is Tex, which is a weird name for a girl. I know she's a bit of a badass, but still kind of a bitch. And I know that she means a lot to me, but I don't know why."
"Well, did you also know that she was an automaton?" Mr. D asked.
"What?" Church asked.
"Kid, take a good look." Mr. D said pointing at the body on the table. "High-density, metal body. Wires sticking out of the open rip on its body. All of it is military-grade hardware and we found it not too far from where we found you."
"What did cause that rip?" Annabeth asked.
"Hard to say, really." Chiron said examining the damage. "It looks like only one attack was dealt with a large bladed weapon, probably held by two hands. But the way this body was cut up, it looks as if the blade had some kind of unusual shape. But whatever it was, it was just enough force to take down this 'Tex'. Church, does any of this trigger any other memories?"
Church held onto his head as he kept staring at the body. "I don't know. I mean, I remember some things about Tex, but none of them involve her being a robot."
"I see." Chiron said. "Well, at least we have something. We're one step closer to uncovering your identity, Church. You're dismissed."
"But what about Tex?" Church asked.
"We'll keep an eye on her." Chiron said. "Rest assured, we will figure something out."
"Come on, Church." Annabeth said. "I'm sure Luke and the others are worried about you."
Church took one last look at Tex before leaving the Big House with Annabeth. Mr. D looked at him leave suspiciously and Chiron noticed.
"Is something the matter, Dionysis?" Chiron asked.
"It's a suspicion." Mr .D said. "When I went to get the kid a few minutes ago, I found him in a messy bathroom, and yet not one part of him had a drop of water. Not only that, but it seemed that the water was defending him from the Ares kids."
Chiron shared a look of concern. "Water? What are you saying, Dionysis?"
"I'm saying we should keep a close eye on the new guy." Mr. D said. "Because if what I'm suspecting is right and his godly parent is who I think it is, then we might be in a lot of trouble."
*RvB Greek Tales*
Sarge on Titanomachy:
"Hello. I'm Sarge from Red vs Blue: the Half-Blood Chronicles. We've taken it upon ourselves to tell you the stories of Greek myths. Some, you're familiar with. Some, you're not. And some will leave you thinking, 'I like Sarge's stories the best'. Speaking of which, thanks to the request of one Pedro Alonso Buby Huayanay Zumudio, I'm going to tell the first tale explaining the Titanomachy. So let's get started.
"It all began with the beginning of the Earth. Sure, it's big, it's round, and it's beautiful. But it wasn't always like that. Looooooooooong before the age of man, there lived the Titans, malevolent bastards that ruled over the Earth with an iron fist. And at the top of the Titan food chain was the evil Kronos. Now, that guy was one bad mamma-jamma. He even tried to eat his own kids, the gods. You know, like Zeus and Poseidon and Hades and the others. So naturally, the gods fought back.
"Now, I'm sure you're all wondering what sparked this war. Who started it? Why were the titans and the gods fighting each other? Well, my readers, the answer is simple. They fought because… THEY WERE REDS AND BLUES! That's right! The heartless, cold-blooded titans wore every shade of blue and the cooler, much superior gods wore honorable red with pride. As such, the two became mortal enemies. But because the gods wore red, they naturally won in an instant. In fact, they…
"Sarge! Stop!"
"Simmons? What are you doing here? This isn't your story."
"This isn't the story at all! You're completely changing everything about the Titanomachy story!"
"Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Simmons?"
"Well, first off, the titans weren't blue and the gods weren't red."
"That's ridiculous. If they weren't red and blue, then why were they fighting?"
"Because of Kronos! He had a prediction that one day, his kids would overthrow him and take-over the Earth. He tried to eat them so they couldn't. But Zeus escaped and then tricked Kronos to vomit the other gods up. The gods and the titans were fighting ever since. And another thing, the gods didn't win the war instantly. The whole thing took ten years before the gods won."
"Because they were red! HOO-HA!"
"No, Sarge! Look, if the Titans were blue and natural enemies of the gods, then why did some of them join the gods?"
"Say what now?"
"It's true. While some of the Titans were loyal to Kronos, a few of them switched sides with Zeus and the others like Prometheus and Themis."
"That ain't my version."
"Sarge, a lot of cultures depict these stories in different ways, but what you're doing isn't a depiction. You're just twisting the story itself and turning it into Red Team propaganda."
"I'll twist your head if you keep using made-up words like 'propaganda'."
"I didn't make it up. It's a real word."
"Oh, yeah? Then spell it in a sentence!"
Simmons sighed. "Our first ever RvB Greek Tales, and it turned into a disaster. Sorry about that, readers. If you have a story you'd like one of us characters to tell at the end of each chapter, give us a request. I promise, they won't be as messed-up as this… probably."