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Tim would be discharged into Gibbs' care in the morning. He had been in hospital for six days now and was going stir crazy, already. His ribs slowly recovering and his concussion still present. His discharge instructions would side line him completely, he wasn't allowed to drive, or play on his computer. Basically, all his screen time had been cut to zero completely and he wasn't allowed to climb any stairs. He wasn't even medically cleared for desk duty either. He would be bored. He had been ordered to stay at Gibbs' house. Apparently, Gibbs had a guest room on the ground floor, he could stay in and although the Director had offered, Ducky and Rachel had thought he would be better off with Gibbs. Not just for the company, or the shared trauma of grief or even the familiarity of a long-time work relationship, but because of how Kelly Gibbs had managed to coax Tim out of his grief filled shell when no one else had been able to get through to him.
After that first visit to the hospital, Kelly had been a regular visitor to the hospital, bringing various gifts and goodies. The last one had been an older style smart phone on loan, she had used her contacts and managed to get his sim card replaced, which had made him feel not so isolated. He had checked his emails and had emailed both his grandmother and his sister, reassuring them that he was OK, opting not to tell either of them about Delilah, especially since neither woman had known about their relationship in the first place.
As a result of Kelly's first solo visit, Tim had been more open and honest with what he needed from his friends. He had taken Kelly's advice and not been afraid to tell people to shove off or back off if they stepped too close, prodded too hard or crossed the line. Everyone had seen a remarkable improvement in Tim since that night and Gibbs was internally grateful that Kelly had broken through to his agent.
That's not to say the tears stopped, or the grief stopped. There was still a huge portion of grief and tears, but Tim had been more emotionally open and willing to let them in, much to Ducky, Gibbs and Director Vance's relief. For a while, they had been afraid they would lose him... But it was far from over.
The DoD had only informed Vance as a courtesy because another analyst had mentioned, in passing, that Timothy McGee of NCIS was her boyfriend. Otherwise, no one would have informed Tim when or where the service was. Her family hadn't reached out to him, not that he had met them, and he was partially relieved. He had not been ready to face them. The memorial service for Delilah was set down for Monday week, her burial had already taken place at her family's request.
The case had been solved two days ago, a showdown had ensured, and Benham Parsa had taken a sniper's bullet to the skull. Tim wasn't privy to the particulars, especially as he was now excised from the case. But Gibbs had kept making a point that he couldn't hurt Tim in his nightmares anymore. Yes, both Gibbs and Tim knew he had nightmares. Every night.
He had begun seeing Rachel Cranston, she had been brought in as a crisis counsellor for all the surviving victims of the drone attack. He had only conducted two sessions with her so far, but that would increase to three sessions per week once he was discharged from the hospital.
Rachel had sought Gibbs out, after seeing a strange look cross his face one day at the hospital. Rachel had been packing up from their last session and Kelly had arrived, bringing Tim some of her favourite tea. She had watched the two of them interact and had glanced to the door and saw the look in the father's face.
"Gibbs, talk to me." she had pleaded with him. "I saw the look on your face, Gibbs."
"The trauma seems to have clouded his judgement of Delilah, a little. He referred to her the night before the explosion as 'emotionally unavailable and sometimes manipulative' Doc."
"We've touched on that already, Gibbs but you and I both know when you lose a partner, you block out all the bad memories and focus on the good. He loved her, Gibbs." Rachel told him. "The trauma of the explosion isn't going to go away overnight; it's going to take time. You've been caught in an explosion before, how long did it take for you to get over it?"
"I haven't yet. I still have flashbacks from certain triggers." Gibbs admitted to Kate's sister softly.
"You have PTSD from it, we both know that and it's highly likely that Timothy will also have some form of PTSD from this." Rachel put her arm on Gibbs in a comforting manner. "I know you want to help; you probably even feel like you owe it to him. But trust me, you're all helping. Especially that daughter of yours."
"They only met a week ago. He came by to do some prep for the op and she was home." Gibbs explained to Rachel. He remembered everything about that meeting. "There was something there, a spark between them when they met." That's what he remembered most about them meeting.
"I don't see a spark Gibbs." Rachel declared and Gibbs looked like he was going to argue the point with her. She held up her hand to avoid the inevitable argument. "There could have been, I'm not saying there wasn't. If there was, it has been dimmed or extinguished by Timothy's grief for Miss Fielding. But right now, he seems to be relying on your daughter for a bit of normalcy. I'm aware that's normally Tony's job, but I think right now, he would benefit from some time away from the agency."
"Could it be that he sees a bit of Delilah in Kelly?" Gibbs asked and Rachel bit back a chuckle at Gibbs and his heart-hearted attempt at armchair psychiatry. "They're both the same age, young professionals, top of their chosen field, intellectual and have similar interests that mesh with his own."
"Probable, except he is showing no signs of fixating, transference or obsessive behaviour. Nor do I expect him to. He's just searching for normal."
"Just never wanted anyone of my agents or Kelly to know the pain of losing a lover this way, Doc."
Even though Tim was thankful not to have to go home and climb those stairs to his apartment in his physical condition, he was thankful Gibbs had offered his place to him. He hadn't wanted to be a burden on Gibbs. He had already relied on Gibbs too much and monopolised so much Kelly's time talking about nothing.
Tim knew he needed to get his head back in the game. Occasionally, things were still fuzzy, or he would get confused easily. His memory of the evening hadn't come back. He got angry easy when he was trying to remember what she had been wearing, her perfume or hair. Rachel had told him the memories might never come back, but he refused to accept that.
Gibbs had offered to drive over to his apartment and get some things to make Tim more comfortable here, where he had been settled into Gibbs' spare room on the bottom floor, which Tim had appreciated.
Gibbs had officially taken the day off to collect Tim from the hospital. Once he had read the discharge instructions, he knew he would be making the offer to run up to the young man's apartment and grab a few things. Which he didn't mind, it had been a while since he had been at Tim's place. But he knew it wasn't big, he'd find everything Tim wanted him to get.
Gibbs had taken McGee to his home and he and Ducky had settled him into his guest room. He had left Tim in Ducky's care and went to retrieve the list of things Tim have given him.
He looked around the small apartment. He had been here a few times, earlier on in Tim's career, but not lately. Three times actually; once when he had poison ivy, when he was sick with the flu, and the last time had been the dog bite.
Tim kept a clean apartment and when Gibbs used the word clean, he meant freakishly clean. He was always surprised to see how clean Tim's place was, but then he realised in over ten years working for Gibbs, Tim's desk had always been spotless too. He had never had to even mention his desk to the man in all those years, unlike with Tony and even on occasion, Ziva.
He went over to his computer desk in the living room and snagged his laptop, even though he couldn't use it yet. He snagged the duffel bag from the hall closet and went into Tim's bedroom. In his bedroom, Gibbs smiled at the image of the man behind the agent. In here, things were a little more chaotic than what the rest of the apartment had shown him. His bed covers were haphazardly thrown on back on the bed, he went to the bedside table and retrieved the books Tim had asked for from his nightstand. Gibbs spied the ripped wrapping of a familiar branded foil on the bedstand and a strip of few more that had been left out, probably waiting to be used at the end of the evening. He smirked to himself as he moved through the bedroom to the bathroom. 'Perhaps, Tim and Delilah were running late the night of the gala.' Gibbs thought to himself and then he realised Tim had probably blamed himself for that too. 'Tim's always punctual, he hates being late.'
The air in there was a bit stale in the bathroom, Gibbs tried to open the window, but it was sealed closed. He settled for the exhaust fan before collecting his toiletries and his aftershave. Tim hadn't mentioned which bottle of cologne he wanted, and he was surprised to open the drawer and find several bottles. He smelt a couple of them, before finding the one with the least mount out of the bottle. When Gibbs smelt it, he had decided that this was one was probably the date one and put it back before grabbing the one that he thought had smelt like what Tim had worn to the office. As he looked around for his robe, he could see there were signs that Tim had gotten dressed in a hurry for the Gala and that he hadn't been alone. The hamper had woman's clothes in it and Gibbs' heart ached again. He could have gotten rid of them, but Gibbs knew from painful experience that Tim would be very hurt by that action and chose to completely ignore them, switching the fan off again and moving into the man's closet. Gibbs had retrieved the requested clothing, Tim's black suit for a funeral and his sweats, as well as some clean shirts, shorts, jeans and socks.
Coming back out of his closet he took another look around; there were electric candles, the LED battery kind scattered around Tim's room on almost every surface and Gibbs assumed the batteries had died out while he was in hospital. A bottle of champagne had sat, in a now bucket of stagnant water. It was obvious that Tim had been chilling the champagne and he had been planning on the two of them going back to his place after the Gala for a private celebration of their own.
He collected up the candles and stacked them neatly in the shoe box he had found in the closet, the box was for his shiny black dress shoes and Gibbs knew he wouldn't need the box anymore; those shoes had been destroyed in the blast. He made a mental note to get Tony to organise a new pair for Tim before the funeral.
He emptied the water into the sink and cleaned the bucket, taking it out of the room with him. Gibbs would toss the champagne bottle in the dumpster when he left, it had been chilled and allowed to go back to room temperature, rendering it no good to drink now. Gibbs made sure not to touch the bed in any way, he knew that Tim would want it left untouched. After Shannon's death, he couldn't bear to touch the bed and when he did, he wanted nothing more than to still smell her on his pillow.
Gibbs mentally re-ran the list over in head and he had packed everything that Tim had been requested. He checked the fridge, thinking he could throw out anything that had gone off and opened it to find it had been meticulously cleaned already, then spied Tony's sloppy handwriting on the whiteboard opposite his fridge, promising to restock it as soon as he returned home. That act had made him smile. Tony and Tim had made it, they were good friends and he selfishly wondered how long it would have taken them if Jenny had never forced him to add Ziva to his team. Ziva's permanent retreat to Israel for her father's burial had been the catalyst in their friendship moving forward.
When he returned, the house was silent, he had stopped by the diner to pick up some dinner for Tim and for himself. Tim had been upgraded to a soft diet, things like pastas and rice, his throat was still sore on occasion, but Ducky as well as Tim's doctor had reassured him, it was healing perfectly. Elaine had been sure to make Tim's favourite, for her favourite customer to take home to Tim. Macaroni and three cheeses, with soft meatballs and some softly steamed vegetables for the shy, polite agent. "Ah, Jethro!" Ducky had greeted his friend. Ducky had been relaxing in Gibbs' favourite armchair in the living room. "Timothy should be due to wake up soon, I hope you have bought something home for dinner. Your fridge is positively empty, I got some soup out of the freezer to thaw for dinner tomorrow evening."
"Thanks Duck." Gibbs smiled. "Elaine packed McGee a care package of her best mac and cheese, with some soft meatballs and vegetables. Want to stay? I am sure there is enough for three. She packaged up some extras for the freezer."
"No thanks, Jethro. I must be getting home." Ducky declined Gibbs' offer. "His next dose of pain relief is due at 8pm and please remind Timothy that his breathing exercises are important. We don't want our young man to come down with pneumonia."
"Night Duck." Gibbs grinned at his friend.
As he closed the door behind Ducky, Gibbs headed into the kitchen. He started making a list of groceries he needed to get, perhaps while Tony was here tomorrow with the movie, he had promised Tim, he could slip out to the store. Looking up from the fridge he spied Tim standing by the island bench in his tee and boxers. "Shouldn't you be in bed still?" Gibbs growled at him, but his face holding a warm, comforting smile.
"Hungry." Tim answered his boss. "Those pain meds make me sleepy. Been sleeping too much, lately. I need coffee."
"You're sleepy because your body is telling you that you need it, Tim." Gibbs admonished him lightly. "Now, the food I can do something about. I stopped in and picked us up some delicious food from Elaine and she sends her love."
"I'll see if Tony can take me there tomorrow. I need to pay her for all the goodies she has sent me. She has saved me from hospital food so many times, I have actually lost track." Tim told Gibbs.
"Don't worry about it, Tim. Elaine has been paid." Gibbs told him, but he knew Tim would be worrying about it still, that was just who Tim was. "We've got you. You would do the same for us. We're a team and we look out for one another." At the glare Tim was giving him, Gibbs tapped his arm instead of his head. He rarely had to head slap Tim and when he truly had needed one, he still had concussion, so Gibbs had gone for the arm, instead. "Who picked up the tab when Mike died? Who stuck by me when Ziva was shipped back to Israel and Tony was ordered away as agent afloat? Who was in the background making sure the insurance company repaired Leon's home and liaised with the Vance kid's school to allow them to have their work sent home, so they didn't fall behind? Who had stayed back, so his teammate could leave early for a date? Who did Ziva reach out to for help, when she was having nightmares after Somalia? Who saved Abby from Landon? From Mahwar? Time to let us do the heavy lifting for a while. Rule fifteen, Tim."
"Always work as a team." Tim supplied softly and Gibbs smiled at him, reassuringly.
"We will support you and help you through this, Tim. But you need to let us." Gibbs told the man as he handed Tim a plate of food and encouraged him to go and sit in front of the fire and eat. "It's a two-way street, Tim. We won't let you say goodbye to her alone and we'll be here for you as much as you need us to be. There's going to come a time when you'll want to be alone and in your own space, just tell us when you reach that point. We will give you space, but I promise, we will pull you back in if we see you start to spiral in the wrong direction. We won't let you down."
"Thank you, boss."
Tony had come by on Saturday and had occupied Tim for the whole day, leaving a pork cutlet and bean casserole he had made for them to eat for dinner. Tim had asked Tony to stay for dinner, but he had begged off. Tony hadn't needed to say it, but Tim and Gibbs had both guessed. The Senior Field Agent had had a date and had been unsure of whether or not he should mention it and Tim had taken the bull by the horns and told him to enjoy his date.
Sunday morning, Gibbs had been scrambling eggs and cooking bacon when the front door had opened. He hadn't been expecting anyone and was hoping the door hadn't woken Tim up. Tim had been unsettled and extremely restless. Gibbs had heard him call out in the throes of a nightmare a couple of times. When Gibbs had left for his morning run at 0600, he had checked on Tim again and although it appeared Tim was sleeping, he had seen the tears streaming down his face and the tearstained pillowcase. "Hey Dad." Kelly had whispered and kissed her dad's cheek hello. She handed him a bag of groceries, including an extra bag of coffee beans, a packet of her favourite tea that she had introduced Tim to, milk, cereal and apples. In return she snagged a piece of his cooked, crispy bacon off his plate with a chastising grin.
"You're lucky I love you." he grinned at her as he poured her a mug of coffee. "What brings you by?"
"Can't a daughter just come and say hi to her dad, without having ulterior motives?" She grinned at him, sweetly.
"You can and you have, but you don't have your 'hi dad' face on. What's going on?" he asked her.
"Nothing." She denied as she poured her dad a cup of juice and handed it to him with the silent demand. "Just wanted to check in and see how it's going?"
"Kell." he growled, his voice low and grumbly.
"What? You and Tim aren't as close as you and Tony are, and I was curious at how you two are getting on." She explained herself.
"And you're hoping to see Tim." Gibbs finished for her in a whisper. "Do you like him or somethin', Kell? Coz, I got to tell you, your timing really sucks."
"Not like that, Dad." she denied. "Sure, he's smart and good-looking, but ... I don't know. He needs a friend. One that is removed from law enforcement and a federal job. A friend that's not so ...jaded like you and the rest of your team." she finished lamely and her dad bit back a grin at her.
"Your secret's safe with me, sweetheart." he teased her with a wink. "Tim needs all the support he can get. But newsflash; Tim is just as jaded as the rest of us, he just doesn't show it."
Monday morning had arrived, and Gibbs had gone into the yard, at Tim's insistence. Tim was getting better on his feet and tomorrow he had a medical review with the doctor from Washington Memorial. He was hoping to get cleared for desk duty, but Gibbs knew Tim wouldn't be cleared. Ducky had already made sure of that. Vance had wanted Tim to take some bereavement leave and the three older men were determined to make him take it.
By mid to late afternoon, Gibbs was dismissing his team, as Vance reminded him of the memorial service that had been organised for that evening, in memory of Miss Fielding. Vance's PA, Pamela had organised a small spread at the diner for the NCIS personnel attending the memorial service.
Tim sat in the pew of St Michael's cathedral, and he was flanked by Gibbs and Ducky. Tony and Vance had sat directly behind him with Ellie and her husband Jake beside them and Abby was sitting beside Gibbs, after trying to wedge her way between Gibbs and Tim when she had arrived. Gibbs' refusal had irked her, and she had promptly plopped herself down Gibbs and latched herself on to Gibbs' arm.
The service was stiff and formal, void of any of Delilah's personality or zest for life. It was a very somber affair, only her family spoke on her behalf, and no one mentioned anything about Tim or the relationship that they had shared. Tim had felt a few of her friends and co-worker's looks at him throughout the service. He had been proud of himself for holding it together.
He faltered when they spoke of her love of computers, science and binary code. Delilah and he had written and exchanged love letters to one another in binary code. He had kept every single one of them in the safe, at his apartment, beside the never to be completed manuscript.
Gibbs saw Tim falter and tried to break free from Abby's grasp to comfort him, but he had reined himself back in before he could. Ducky had seen Tim falter too and wondered what comment precisely had triggered it. He put his hand on Tim's, comforting the young man the best he could.
The service ended with a cold comment from Delilah's father about the coward who had perpetrated this act of terrorism against his daughter and had compared the terrorist to the 'gutless coward who didn't have the stones to die alongside his date'.
Gibbs had seen red, as had Vance, Ducky, Tony and Ellie. A couple of members of the DOD had been shocked at the Fielding's comparison, but no one publicly corrected them.
'How dare her parents compare Tim to a terrorist?' Gibbs thought. He wanted to approach them and set the parents straight but the only saving grace that they had was the parents had no idea who the 'date' had been and when they had compared the two, they hadn't been looking at Tim.
A few uncomfortable looks from various members of the congregation that knew Tim and Delilah as a couple, had been sent his way, but Tim still didn't falter, he sat ramrod straight void of all feeling.
At the conclusion of the service, the mourners had filed from the church. The Director of the DoD approached Vance. The two men shared a diplomatic handshake and a sad look. "Please tell your Agent we are sorry for his loss and sorry for that; the Fielding's are harbouring a lot of anger and resentment over their daughter's death and rightly so."
"And you think McGee doesn't?" Vance quipped at Director Rowe, harshly. "Agent McGee has to live with the guilt that he couldn't save her, for the rest of his life. If I remember rightly; my agent was also injured rather severely in that explosion too. They had to literally dig him from the rubble. The entire second storey floor had fallen on him and his only saving grace was he dived under the staircase."
"We are sorry." Director Rowe reiterated at Vance.
"Maybe one of you should educate Mr and Mrs Fielding. Leaving McGee's name out of it, of course. He doesn't need their anger focused on him. What he needs, is to focus on his physical recovery." Vance walked away and sent a prayer up to Jackie in heaven, that despite what Tim had been through, he was eternally thankful that Tim hadn't been more injured than what he was, and that Tim's life had been spared, when a lot of lives had been lost.
At the diner, a few more members of NCIS had joined them; Jimmy, Dorney, Pamela - Vance's PA and Balboa, Kelly had also joined them, coming straight from her office. When Gibbs had come to a stop outside the diner, he switched the vehicle off. He had a sedan full of people and he suddenly wished it was just he and Tim. "You don't have to do this." Gibbs whispered to him.
"Give me a moment." Tim said and looked at Gibbs, his eyes begging for a moment of solitude. He was beginning to feel overwhelmed and like he had at the hospital, was beginning to curl in on himself and he wanted nothing more than to shut down.
Gibbs patted his leg and nodded his head, herding Abby, Ellie and Tony away from Tim. He left Tim leaning against the agency sedan.
Tim felt lower than low, as soon as Gibbs and his team was out of sight, he sank to the ground, his hot tears falling freely, not caring who saw him.
"I've got you, my dear lad." Ducky's Scottish voice whispered in his ear as he felt the comforting arms of the older M.E around him. "Lean on me, that's it."
Ducky found himself in the ground of the parking lot, Timothy's giant six-foot one inch frame in his arms, curled up in a ball and his body wracked with uncontrollable sobs.
From his SUV, Leon Vance sat a moment and watched as Tim's brave, stoic mask slipped, crumbling to the ground. The arrival of the older man had relieved the Director because he didn't think he'd be able to keep his composure to comfort his agent. He had been teetering on the edge of keeping his own grief at bay all afternoon. Watching Tim grieve had reopened the fresh wounds of his own grief.
Slipping out of his SUV, he walked back towards the far side of the diner to enter from the end door. He didn't want to intrude on the whispered conversation the good doctor and Tim were having.
As soon as he entered, he avoided anyone who would waylay him, heading straight for Gibbs. Snagging Gibbs on the arm, he tugged the team leader away from Abby, who had put up a token whine before releasing him and led him into the car park. At his questioning gaze, Leon kept quiet, pointing to Ducky and Tim on the ground leaning against the agency issued sedan.
Gibbs nodded his thanks at the Director and silently approached them. Gibbs whispered, couching down and resting his hand on the back of his agent's head. "It's OK, Tim. Just let it out."
Gibbs joined him on the ground and waited patiently for him to let it all out. "I can't go inside, boss. I just can't... I think I'm ready for that alone time, Gibbs. Can you take me to my apartment?"
"Of course, Tim." Gibbs told him and they both helped Ducky off the ground.
As Gibbs unlocked the agency sedan, and Tim slid into the front seat. "Call me or Jethro, for anything you need my dear lad and let Jethro walk you upstairs, you're definitely not supposed to be climbing stairs, yet." Ducky reminded him.
Tim gave him the nod in agreement, but no words came out now. He was done, for today.