Chapter 29 – The Ember and the Bellows
On Ember Island:
Zuko let himself be carried slowly on the calm wave of the sea. The water made him a bed on which his back, mistreated by the anguish of the last few days could rest. He had to blink to bear the dazzling rays the morning sun was casting on the sapphire satin surface. It seemed extraordinary to Zuko that such beauty still existed in the world when his whole universe seemed to sink into darkness.
His thoughts did not spare him, sometimes haphazardly inviting themselves in the form of flashes into his tortured mind, sometimes unfolding chronologically, forcing him to replay the thread of the events over and over again.
He still couldn't believe what had happened six days ago. He couldn't figure a world where he was no longer Aang, Sokka, Katara and Suki's friend.
All he had left of his past was the young woman still sleeping in the house on the cliff, feet above him. The one from whom he had been running away all his life was now his most precious treasure. Losing her would destroy him. He had experienced it painfully after her accident, when she had spent a terrible fortnight between life and death.
They had spent the first night together, dazed by the memory of what had just happened on the beach. Azula was snuggled up with him, her back against Zuko's chest, her shoulders shaking nervously. They had not said a word to each other. Zuko had just put an arm around her waist, and they had fallen asleep one after the other, like that, in silence, united in anguish and sorrow. Zuko had watched her sleep before falling into a dreamless doze himself. And while he held her against him, he understood that he would not have acted otherwise if he had to do it again. He would do whatever it took to protect her, to jealously keep her close to him.
Only this certitude made bearable the guilt that had gnawed at him for five days, each time he thought of the plan they had begun to elaborate. The one that Azula had whispered to him when, sufficiently recovered from their emotions to exchange more than a few snatches of words, they had met in the house inner courtyard.
Twenty-four hours earlier, Aang and the others had left on Appa's back, forcing Zuko and Azula to wait here for the boat that was to pick them up ten days later. They had spent the day as they had spent the night, stunned, speechless and, as far as Zuko was concerned, wracked with anguish and grief greater than him.
It was Azula who had finally broken the silence by coming to find him. Zuko was then sitting on the steps that ran along the house, lost in his thoughts. She had come up behind him and brushed his hair with her hand, then sat down beside him, in silence.
They had remained side by side, letting a silence, as thick as a mountain, grow between them. Suddenly, Zuko had found his body too tight to contain the emotions that had been overwhelming him since his friends left the day before. He had suddenly burst into tears, without preamble.
Pulling him closer, Azula hugged him in her pale arms, her brother's head pressed against her chest.
"Hush… my Love…hush, it's nothing. I'm here. You have me."
Zuko clung to the buoy she'd offered him. It was so strange that it was she comforting him, and so sweet and natural at the same time.
He hadn't even been ashamed of his tears. More than ever, he had felt that she was his sister, that no one knew him better than her, that he could abandon himself without blushing in her arms.
When Zuko had finally calmed down, she wiped his face with her hand and kissed his cheeks several times, as if to swallow what remained of his tears. After a moment, Zuko gently pushed her away to catch his breath. Accepting the hand that Azula held out to him, they remained side by side until he regained his senses.
Sitting on the steps they had talked for a long time under the stars, Zuko remembered.
"Let me help you," she pleaded, kneeling in front of him, both hands on his lap. "Let me help you restore all its power and supremacy to our nation."
She promised to fix everything, to return to him the power he had stupidly and naively ceded to the old fools of the Fire Sages Council. She assured him that she would not force him to do anything that might contradict his principles.
"Did I shed a drop of blood in Ba Sing Se?" she recalled, raising her beautiful eyes to him, seeing that he wasn't convinced.
"No…" he admitted reluctantly.
Zuko didn't like these methods. He was a man of action. Cunning was more Azula's business.
"Exactly Zuko." She got up to sit down next to him, taking his hand in hers. "You and I are complementary. The two edges of a sword, the two poles of a magnet. The day and the night. We form a whole person. The only way we win is..."
"...together," he completed, remembering those disastrous words that had already sealed his fate once.
He had felt like he was back in the catacombs of Ba Sing Se. Except that the moon breaking through the layer of clouds above them was shining with a silvery sheen that was quite different from the cold, green glow emanating from the crystals beneath the Lake Lao Gai. Slowly, he felt his mind slip towards Azula and her enchanting promises.
"With your heart and my mind, we will take back what is rightfully ours. It's just you and me, Zuko. The others have abominably betrayed us or are about to do so. Sooner or later, they will abandon us as well. Without the Avatar, we lose half our support and our credibility: the Water Tribes are his. As well as the White Lotus. Not to mention the Fire Sages. You know the Grand Sage is his friend. As for the Earth Kingdom… The only thing keeping those cowards from declaring war on us was the presence of the Avatar. He was the key to your power."
"I'm screwed without him..." he moaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, as if to dissipate a violent headache.
"No, you're not!" she asserted fervently. "Just find another key! And I know how to help you. I have thought about it all day."
He watched her curiously. A wild glint danced in Azula's eyes. A light he had seen before in other circumstances. It was like a living flame dwelling in a pit of darkness. And that was not reassuring.
"You are the key, Zuko. The key is to no longer count on others, nor hide behind someone stronger than you. You must become strong again to protect our Nation. Like our ancestor did when Avatar Roku betrayed him."
"Avatar Roku was our great-grandfather too," Zuko reminded her. "And without him, Sozin has become a tyrant and the greatest genocidaire in history."
"I'm not saying we should follow his example. Sozin's mistake was to want to rule the world. We don't entertain such aspirations. All I want, Zuko, is to protect your throne, our Nation and you. We are rich enough; we are still the most prosperous and technologically advanced nation in the world. The era of imperialism is over. We must impose respect and envy on other nations. For that, we must reclaim what is ours."
Zuko didn't like to hear those words, but Azula was right. He had indulged his heart's desire to soften for too long, had wanted to force his people to espouse an ideology which was not his own, to adopt values for which he was not ready, to play a role in the world which was no longer his. The Avatar's passive and benevolent policy had not deterred the Sons of Agni. Nor the insane ambitions of the Earth Kingdom. Once freed from the yoke of the Fire Nation, the people of Earth seemed to have rediscovered the desire for domination and the thirst for power that they had lacked to rebel.
"Do you really think Lu Fang and Kuei will settle for having me? That they'll kindly go home as soon as you deliver me to them? This is just the beginning, Zuko. They will want more, and more and they will drain you until you are bloodless!"
"I never considered for a second to give you to them," he exclaimed fervently, squeezing her smaller hand in his. It never crossed my mind!"
"I know, Zuzu, I know."
They fell silent after that, Zuko remembered, still floating on his back, wrapped in the soft silence of the sea. They had stayed near each other, both captivated by their interlocked fingers, whose pallor stood out in the moonlight that illuminated the cobbled courtyard. He recalled having trained with Aang in that very place when they came here to hide from Ozai. It felt like if it was centuries ago.
"What's your plan?"
So, with a sly smile, Azula had leaned to him and whispered into his ear. Zuko had a hard time focusing on her words due to her hot breath and the gentle feel of her breasts pressing against his arm. What Azula had told him had seemed insane to him at first, but she begged him so much to trust her that he finally gave in and the two of them went back into the house to write the letter to Uncle Iroh.
Then they had gone to bed, Zuko thought back. Zuko had paused a second on the threshold of Azula's chamber and he was sure he had seen his own indecision painted in his sister's eyes. But the risk was too great. So he had only kissed her on the forehead and had quickly returned to his own room, fleeing so as not to read the disappointment invading her eyes.
With a sudden movement, Zuko flipped onto his stomach and swam furiously, slamming into the water below him. Pearls of iridescent water rose above the crystalline surface of the sea and fell in silver rain onto his eyelashes and black hair.
As he struggled to fall asleep the other night, he had heard her talking and ruminating alone on the other side of the corridor separating their bedrooms. Sometimes bursts of anger broke the silence. Frozen with dread, he had remained still in his bed, both curious and terrified at the thought of hearing what she was saying and to whom she was talking. He had stayed awake until the pale hours before dawn.
Finally, he got up and as everything was silent, discreetly went to see what his sister was doing. Through the gap in the half-open door, he spotted Azula's petite silhouette, lying on her stomach, a veil of hair spreading on her pillow. A half-empty bottle lay on the mattress within easy reach. Her back rose and fell peacefully at the rhythm of her breathing.
All day, Zuko had tried to reassure himself that maybe it was the alcohol that had caused last night's delirium. But the following days belied it. Azula was showing obvious signs of mental instability.
Zuko had noticed that she often missed dawn lately. While he himself always awoke with the first morning lights, Azula usually didn't join him until ten o'clock and seemed tired. Dark circles were under her eyes and Zuko caught her several times stifling a yawn as he spoke to her.
He feared she was spending all her nights drinking and talking to shadows.
There couldn't be a worse time for a relapse. They were alone in this house, on this island, probably stuck here several days before the aircraft Azula ordered Iroh to send arrived. Azula was still weakened from her accident. If she became violent, he could easily control her. Though, that was small consolation.
Strangely, Azula's power seemed to grow stronger every day, as if her burning flames were feeding on her vital energy and reason. Zuko vaguely remembered what Doctor Huan-Li had tried to explain to him about the role of humors and the disruption that their imbalance could cause in a sick subject. That's what Azula seemed to be experiencing. The more she slipped towards madness, the more her fire strengthened paradoxically. In her, firebending and madness were inseparable.
This morning again, she had slept past sunrise. He had taken the opportunity to go down to the beach and immerse himself in the still drowsy sea. The water was icy at first, penetrating his skin like a thousand little sharp blades. Since then he had gotten used to the cold and would have liked to stay here all day, but it was time to go home. Azula was probably going to wake up and would worry about his disappearance. Reluctantly, he decided to head back to the shore.
Twenty minutes later, Zuko finished climbing the steep path leading from the small creek to the house. As he had expected, Azula was there on the porch, her tawny eyes gleaming with reproach, clicking her tongue in impatience.
"Where were you?" she accused him immediately. She seemed in a bad mood and a little agitated.
"I…"
"Never mind! I thought a lot! We need to revise our version of events."
"What are you talking about?"
Azula waved a folded piece of paper in front of him. There were inscriptions on it.
"I received this this morning. A letter from our uncle. He has received ours and informs me that Kadao will pick us up tomorrow on board of an aircraft."
"Ah, fine," Zuko said hesitantly, not sure how he should react.
"No it's not fine, you idiot!" she raged, indifferent to Zuko's frowning. Azula was the only one who dared to insult him directly. Zuko didn't know if that was refreshing or just irritating. "I thought I had a few more days to refine our strategy! I was deliberately evasive in the letter I wrote to our uncle, precisely to give us time to polish our story."
"Azula," he began, suddenly weary. "I really don't see what we could add. And the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced we should tell our uncle the truth. He could help!"
Azula's eyes widened in disbelief, her mouth parted, as if he had struck her.
"No, we can't! We can't afford to say what really happened!" she said, slowing the rate of her voice, as if speaking to a particularly obtuse child. "He will be on their side, that's for sure. We don't need to lie a lot. You just need to distort some details of the story in order to make you seem more heroic and make them look guilty. It is essential that you have the right role. So, when he speaks with the Fire Sages, uncle will..."
"How can you be naive enough to think they'll believe us? They haven't trusted us for ages!"
"This is where I make my entrance. I'm a lost cause in their eyes, right? It's enough that they believe in my relapse, in you only wanting to protect me. We need to discuss the details of the story, so that you can describe to them precisely what happened on the beach."
Make them believe in a violent relapse. This was Azula's plan to prepare the ground before their return. Zuko didn't like this idea, as brilliant in its simplicity as it was dangerous. Blaming his sister, whom everyone in the palace already mistrusted, seemed like a risky gamble. But Azula assured him that was the only solution.
"What really matters when you tell a lie is to believe it yourself," she repeated to him tirelessly.
Zuko could see that Azula was in her element. She had absolutely no qualms about lying to the entire world. After the shock of the confrontation with the Avatar, she had regained her self-confidence so quickly that it was baffling. And it appeared in her ability to bend flames. She would train every day, until exhaustion on the cobblestones of the courtyard where they had met the other evening, with the moon as a confidante and witness to their stratagems.
Zuko had forced her to rest the day before when she joined him in the living room, livid and staggering. She almost collapsed on the couch, and he had scolded her.
"You have to take care of yourself! You haven't recovered from your injuries yet! I forbid you to train for more than thirty minutes without taking a break!"
"Please Zuzu, shut up! You're giving me a headache," she had replied, lying against the backrest, grimacing because of the muscle pain she had just imposed on herself.
Zuko was furious at how she neglected and endangered her already fragile health.
His anger grew worse a few hours later, at dusk, when he found out how far Azula was ready to go to make her lies convincing.
Azula had gone to shower. Finding her a little pale, Zuko had insisted on staying in her room and not locking her bathroom door. He wanted to be able to intervene if she felt faint. It used to happen at the palace according to Ty Lee and Taïma.
To kill time, Zuko had poured himself a little wine from a bottle that Sokka had unearthed from the cellar, and which had remained abandoned there since his departure. He was already in the middle of his third drink and his head was starting to spin. He sighed in exasperation. What could take Azula so long? He could hear her coming and going in the bathroom, the water she was running from the pump and the sound of the bottles she was pulling out of the cupboards.
Zuko sat in an armchair, his glass in his hand, and stared absently at the faded tapestries that adorned the walls of the room. He was trying not to think about their disastrous lovemaking the other night, about Azula's body moving slowly, then faster and faster on his lap. The evening lights filtering through the open window were just starting to cast their reflection on the floor, brushing it slowly. Drawn by a shimmer, Zuko's eyes fell on the bag that contained Azula's belongings. He cursed furiously. It was probably one of those little bottles of rice wine that Azula had hidden there. He definitely had to solve this problem once and for all. It was well known that the princess had a penchant for alcoholic beverages. How could she expect their uncle and the Fire Sages would believe her if she was drunk half the time?
Resolved to confiscate it, he crouched down in front of the bag and quickly pulled out a tiny empty bottle. He recognized it as one of those Taïma used to fill with Azula's medicine. The label on it confirmed his presumptions. Zuko vaguely wondered why his sister was keeping an empty bottle in her bag and was going to put it down when he heard the characteristic clink of several glass objects banging together. Seized with an inexplicable anguish, he nearly ripped open the bag by opening it wider. He took out a hessian pocket that contained around twenty empty and labeled bottles, identical to the one he had found just before.
He counted them and numbered twenty-three. Far more than she must have consumed since their arrival on Ember Island. Normally, one vial contained a sufficient dose for two days. They had been there less than two weeks. Zuko remembered that in agreement with Taïma, they had taken relief rations, just in case. Nothing could explain that she had consumed more than a dozen vials in total.
He hadn't recovered from his bewilderment yet when Azula entered the room, a towel wrapped around her chest, visibly surprised to find him there, kneeling in front of her bag wide open.
Zuko was so upset that he didn't mind being caught rummaging through his sister's belongings.
"Can I know what the hell you are doing?" she asked, eyes shining, cheeks rosy.
Zuko got up so quickly he felt his head spin a little and walked over to his sister.
"Can you explain this to me?" he hissed, planting a small empty bottle in front of her nose. "We brought a sufficient dose to last all our stay here and even more, and I find the whole reserve empty! What did you do with your treatment?"
"I threw it away," she replied calmly, finishing to dry her hair, using a smaller towel and her bending at once.
Then she walked slowly towards her screen, swaying her hips a little.
"Have a new drink, Zuzu, this one's almost empty," she offered.
"What did you do?" he roared, rushing towards the panel of paper which he violently pushed aside.
Fortunately, Azula still had the towel wrapped around her waist. He grabbed her wrist roughly and pulled her towards him.
"Are you crazy or what?"
"Exactly," she smirked, releasing her arm from Zuko's grasp. And that's also what they'll all think when we get back. Thus, I will take all the blame for what happened with the Avatar, and you will be the glorious hero who wanted to protect his poor, sick baby sister, irresponsible for her actions."
A whiff of the scented oil she had coated her body with rose to his nostrils and he felt dizzy, but also a little calmer.
"Did you really need to deprive yourself of treatment for this? Can't you just act? I thought you excelled in this field!"
"Zuko," she answered patiently, lifting the screen, straightening it and replacing it between them on the floor. "I barely remember what I do or say during a crisis. But you guys know what it looks like. You better than anyone. It's necessary if I want to be convincing."
Zuko pushed the screen back to face her and grab her arm again.
"You don't need to make such a sacrifice. I would tell them the truth. I'll tell them I attacked Sokka and Aang!"
"No, you won't!" she snapped. "Stop playing the pure-hearted knight and listen to me! You are the Fire Lord: your image must remain intact! They must continue to believe in you. Let me take the blows for you, Zuzu. I will be protected by my illness. We will explain to our uncle that the treatment was badly dosed. Once back home, Taïma will make it for me, and everything will be back to normal!"
As he glared at her, Azula walked over to the table with the bottle and glass Zuko left and filled the glass and handed it to her brother. The towel in which she had wrapped her body perfectly hugged her tempting curves and Zuko had a hard time trying to think of something else.
He seized the glass in spite of himself and swallowed a gulp of wine which quickly went to his head.
"Since when?" he asked, frowning.
"I stopped taking it a few days before we arrived here. I had packed some supplies in case things got out of hand," she added hastily, seeing the consternation appear on her brother's face. "I used to take it sometimes when the voices got too intrusive or told me to do things to your friends. But I got rid of the last doses after the Avatar left. Don't worry, Zuzu. I asked Taïma a lot of questions about this kind of medication. I weaned off little by little, so it wouldn't be like the last time. In addition, I kept a vial and I take a little each morning. It helps me stay lucid most of the day."
But then… Those inappropriate approaches she had made to him… That massage session in the spa, that night in that very same room… Each time she had tried to seduce him… Those scenes had always taken place at night, long after she had taken her medicine. So, she wasn't really herself?
Thinking about it, Zuko realized that every time things got out of hand, Azula was either drunk or in a midst of a nervous fit. So, was he the only one to blame for what had happened?
A strong emotion seized Zuko, and he didn't know what to name it.
He couldn't believe it. Appalled, he let his arms fall limply to his sides. Azula took advantage of his guard down to wrap hers around his neck and twirl a strand of his hair around her finger.
"One day you will understand that I am ready to do anything for you. You are the Fire Lord and my beloved brother. Your friends were preventing us from doing our duty, Zuko. They were bribing you. They held you back when you should have walked through the ashes of the Earth Kingdom."
Azula let go of him, replaced the screen again and planted her eyes in his to make it clear to him that he had to let her get dressed now. His golden eyes widened in horror as he realized the meaning behind her words.
"So you did all this on purpose? This vacation… was it a plan to get them away from me? Did you plan everything?"
The odious sense of betrayal, of having been manipulated, the anger washed over him all at once. To calm himself, he took another sip of wine. An acrid taste now lined his palate.
"Oh Zuzu!" she replied from behind the screen. "You're going to make me blush! I know I'm known for being a strategist, but even I couldn't foresee what would happen. Of course, that was a possibility that had occurred to me. But I really hoped that this stay would allow you to strengthen your ties with your friends."
"You perfectly knew things would turn out badly," he accused her, "and you let things get worse! If you had really wanted this stay to go well, you would have taken your treatment properly!"
"See it as a test. I had serious doubts about your dear friend's loyalty. These vacations were an opportunity for them to prove themselves. Events have proven me right, haven't they?"
"Katara saved your life..."
"Katara did what it took to survive. As we all do. She didn't do it willingly, believe me. I'm absolutely sure it could have been fine for everyone if I hadn't survived that fall."
"Don't say that!" he protested vehemently, unable to consider the possibility.
The alcohol was starting to blur his head and he decided to put his glass down.
Azula reappeared from behind the paper panel at the same time.
She had twisted part of her still slightly damp hair into a half bun, the rest falling over her shoulders. She had replaced the towel with a black silk kimono adorned with intricate green and silver patterns where flowers and dragons intertwined. The fabric fell to mid-thigh and revealed two smooth legs of a stunning whiteness. The scooped collar embroidered with gold revealed the line of her breasts, like an invitation. Zuko gasped momentarily as he saw her appear. How did she always manage to surprise him like this?
It was strange to see her dressed in colors other than the traditional red and gold, but the change was rather pleasant to say the least.
Of course, she guessed his confusion. The predatory glow that blazed in her pupils told him as surely as if she had pointed it out aloud.
She walked right past Zuko towards the mirror behind him and left a whiff of jasmine in her wake that completely achieved to trouble him.
He watched her look at her reflection in the mirror and fix her hair. How many more times was she going to put on this show for him? And how many more times would he be stupid enough to succumb to it?
Shut up, little slut! Do you want everyone to hear you?
The insane words she had let slip just before they indulged in their desire hit his memory frequently, an unwelcome guest to which Zuko had to continually close the door.
For the past few nights, Zuko had kept wondering what could have prompted Azula to utter such insane words? Did it have anything to do with what happened with Kojiro?
Now that she confessed having orchestrated her relapse, he should have been relieved. At least he knew she would come to her senses once she was properly healed again. But that was not the case for now and his sense of unease grew as Azula cast a small, furtive glance at Zuko's reflection in the mirror.
He would reconsider the question later. He was too drunk to think about unsolvable issues. More urgent matters required his immediate attention. Like the little mole he had just noticed on the side of her neck as she lifted her hair to secure her bun. The little black dot that stood out on the creamy skin had an incredible effect on him. Absurdly, he thought of the flickering light of the beacon that you see on the horizon when you travel at sea at night. As the sailor who has been sailing for weeks is irresistibly attracted by these lights, promises of long-awaited lands, likewise Zuko had to restrain himself not to extend his hand. The mole seemed to call to him and Zuko realized too late that he had taken a few steps forward. He was now right behind Azula, close enough to touch her.
His sister must have read his mind because she grabbed both of his hands in hers and forced him to wrap his arms around her slender waist. Zuko accepted the invitation and let them rest on her stomach. A vapor of jasmine invaded his nostrils and glancing at their entangled reflections, he found himself liking what he saw.
Why did the spectacle of his sister surrounded by his arms seem so right and so natural? Why didn't that disturb him?
In the mirror, he saw Azula tilt her head back and expose her throat, as if to entice him to sink his teeth into it. A vision as absurd as fleeting crossed his foggy mind: the image that terrified him so much in the bestiary that he and Azula used to read in secret as kids. This book that Mom had forbidden them to look at, but that Azula had gone to steal from the library, to leaf through it with her brother under the sheets. He remembered how, lit by the small orange flames shooting from their open palms, he and Azula would stifle startled exclamations full of delicious terror. At the time, Zuko was fascinated by the page that described these creatures came from distant lands who reveled in the blood of young virgins. It was said that, once bitten, their victims in turn became demonic succubi, insatiable, corrupted by evil and vice.
Corruption. That's how one could call the effect Azula had on him. It was like a crawling leprosy that crept into his mind and gradually necrotized what remained of his reason, judgment and sense of morality.
His hands circled her waist and met on her stomach. It would have been so easy to untie the silky golden belt that kept her kimono together.
In the mirror, Azula was smiling. She gently placed one of her impeccably manicured hands on the back of Zuko's and traced circles there with her thumb.
"Zuzu…" she whispered. "I know it pains you to have lost your friends. But it was a necessary sacrifice. Your sight was blurred by clouds that prevented you from seeing your true destiny. Now you see."
Zuko said nothing, unable to utter a word, too busy with the line that dug a narrow furrow between her breasts. His alcoholic brain was lost in this oblivion.
"Do you want me to remove it? I really don't' mind." He remembered her delicious offer from last night. Would she again allow him to...
"What do you see, Zuzu?" she called out to him, pulling him out of his reverie.
His throat was very dry, and it was with a raspy voice that he replied:
"You…"
Azula shivered and leaned back to better feel him in her back. Zuko pushed his pelvis back a few centimeters to hide the protuberance that deformed his pants.
"And do you like what you see?" she exhaled, moving closer to him, indifferent to his pathetic escape attempt.
"I do," he confessed in a shaky breath. And, so as not to present his face gnawed by shame, he hid it in his sister's neck. His lips landed exactly on the mole he had noticed earlier, right where the skin was so thin. Azula's whole body shudders in a spasm of pleasure that only the satisfaction of a long-suppressed desire can bring and she moaned.
Here he was. Azula was his horizon, his only perspective, his guiding light in the dark. And he wouldn't trade that view for any other.
His hands started caressing Azula's belly and playing with the belt.
Azula grabbed the hand that was closest to her and with an unbearable and sensual slowness, she guided it under one of the sides of her kimono, right to her breast. Zuko hugged her more tightly. He didn't care now that she could feel his arousal. He even wanted it. There was nothing left to lose, wasn't there?
The aircraft would pick them up tomorrow perhaps. What happened on Ember Island would stay on Ember Island. The distant promise he made to himself last night vanished in the meanders of his foggy mind. Azula was his sweet hell and, alone on this island, as the day ended, he thought there was nothing wrong in letting himself sink into it. Just as there was nothing wrong in kneading the breast, she had just offered him. His other hand made its way along her hips and ventured a little towards the inside of her thighs, brushing them, lifting a piece of silky fabric.
"Zuzu..." she sighed in an almost pleading tone.
Azula's body was shaking, and he wondered if it was eagerness or apprehension that caused this reaction. Zuko looked at their reflection in the mirror and he wondered if other hands had caressed her like this before. The idea made him irrationally furious and incredibly excited at the same time. He approached his hand.
All of a sudden, Azula grasped his crotch and he gasped in surprise.
Azula turned to face him, forcing Zuko to pull his own hands away. He groaned in frustration and placed them on her lower back to press her against him. Azula then pushed him, forcing him back and when his knees hit the armrest of the chair, he sat down.
His breath died in his throat as Azula wrapped one arm around his neck and slid her other hand under his pants shamelessly.
Immediately, she began to caress him up and down. In her eagerness, she was a little clumsy at first:
"It… it's too tight…" he gasped.
"Sorry!" she whispered against him. So she loosened her grip and resumed her back and forth motion, slowly at first, then faster and faster, adjusting her movements to Zuko's reactions. Very quickly his breath increased considerably, and hoarse exhalations crossed his parted lips, covering the thick silence that had fallen on the world.
"Azula…" he breathed in a pleading tone. "This is wrong! This is so wrong!"
"Hush" she silenced him. Her body was so close to his that he felt her every curve pressing against him.
Zuko closed his eyes and contained his arousal with heroic effort. Wanting to return his sister the favor, he let his hand slide down to Azula's stomach and searched under her kimono. She shivered and released him.
"That'll be enough for today, I think," she whispered, gently catching Zuko's wrist. Then she placed a soft kiss on his lips.
What? How? What the hell? She didn't really say...
He opened his eyes and probed hers, trying to find some mischief there. There was no way he would let her mock him this way! As he was unable to decipher her gaze, he quickly brought her back to him and resumed kissing her neck furiously, forcefully grabbing her hand and guiding it back to his crotch.
Azula gave a small complaint which turned into a perfectly exasperating crystalline laugh.
She withdrew her hand and patted the back of Zuko's and simpered:
"You are too greedy, my Lord."
And she walked away, just like that, leaving him alone, perfectly stupid, still panting from the pleasure she had given him, his pants undone, the overwhelming proof of his desire brandished towards her. She went to her bed, sat down and crossed her legs, revealing thighs of a maddening whiteness.
Zuko couldn't believe it.
"What game are you playing?" he asked furiously, getting up.
"I'm not playing, Zuzu. I'm just saving you from making a mistake you'll sorely regret. You drank too much, I think. And you are desperate. Probably in need of some affection too according to what I just saw," she joked, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "Tomorrow, you will be consumed by remorse. Let me save you that trouble."
He could hardly contradict her. But for now, tomorrow was still far in his mind. He was sexually frustrated and didn't want to let her win. He felt a furious monster growl in his chest. A fire-spitter judging by the heat radiating from his chest.
"I am a grown man; I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions."
"No, you're not," she retorted, amused. "You are just a stubborn, angry, impetuous and frustrated little boy who would like to calm his nerves in the sweetest way."
"Don't get on my nerves, Azula!" he warned her, brandishing an index finger at her in what he hoped was threatening. Then he realized how grotesque he must look with his finger pointing at her in the same direction as…
His cheeks burned fiercely. He buckled his belt and stood up.
Azula seemed to take pity on him. She left the bed with feline grace and walked over to him. When she was close enough, she stood on her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around his neck, and pressed her lips to Zuko's. Hugging her, he immediately returned her kisses. The beast inside his chest was purring now, momentarily appeased. Zuko felt like he had definitely lost control and he didn't know who or what to blame for it. He ran a greedy hand under her kimono, looking for something to close on.
"Be wise, Zuzu!" she scolded him softly, forcing him to withdraw his hand again.
"Please, Azula…I need it," he begged her between kisses.
"I know my Love!" she replied in a sigh, a flattered smile spreading on her face, never stopping to respond to his eager kisses. "But… I have to…" She was visibly having difficulty speaking. Perhaps because of Zuko's impatient lips and fingers now trying to untie her belt. She clasped his hand again. He pulled it away and placed it on her lower back. "I have to be sure first…"
"Sure, of what?" he growled, yelping impatiently.
"That you want me. I need to be sure you're sincere."
"I am," he retorted immediately, once again capturing her lips with his. And, listening only to his desire, he slid his hand down to touch the inside of her thighs.
"Zuko, please stop!"
He released her and felt suddenly ashamed of himself. Azula's voice was different, filled with anguish. So were her eyes now.
"Forgive me, Azula," he stammered, recalling his disobedient hands which he brought to his temples. "I think I'm a little… I don't feel very well."
Dizzy, he staggered back to the chair and nearly collapsed as he sat down heavily on the armrest. The world rocked around him, and he feared for a moment that he would faint. Was there really only wine in that bottle?
A little hesitant, Azula slowly approached him. Standing in front of her brother, she took his hand and invited him to place it on her hip.
"I love you Zuko. And I want this as much as you. But it would be a mistake to surrender now."
"Why? We have nothing to lose..." He suddenly felt overcome by remorse and discouragement. He couldn't believe he was the author of those words.
"We can't let our longing rule us, not now. We need to keep a cool head and not get distracted. And first of all, we should regain the trust of our people, to convince them of our legitimacy. "When we regain power, then I swear to you that I will be yours, body and soul. You can do whatever you want with me."
"Azula…"
Azula snuggled up against him and Zuko couldn't help but welcome her into his arms.
Then stepping back slightly, she ran a hand over his ruined cheek and looked into his eyes burning with an ominous fervor. He realized that she was gone once again. A distant fire was dancing in her pupils so dilated that the amber of her irises could no longer be seen.
"I promise to stay pure for the Fire Lord."
Where did that come from again?
Then she bent over him and kissed him feverishly. It was like in a dream. The sound of her lips pressing against his mouth seemed to resonate in the empty house, revealing their presence and their fault to the whole world. And Zuko, suffocated, overwhelmed by these maddening sensations, no longer understanding anything, closed his eyes for a moment.
He was too stunned by what she had just said to react. So, this was her plan? To regain power, to persuade him to marry her perhaps, to make her his Fire Lady? All this for the throne? Zuko felt dirty, betrayed. Despite his anger and disappointment, he tried to reason with her.
"Azula, you realize it's impossible… I don't know what you're thinking of, but… We can't be together. It's... I'm your brother. It's a crime. No one should know what happened here, do we agree on that?"
"When you are invested with all the powers again, you will break this taboo," she assured in an enthusiastic voice. "We will be free to love each other in broad daylight, my brother. Do you want that? Isn't it true that you love me, sweetie?"
Zuko felt like some evil wizard had changed him into a pillar of stone. He was unable to move, to speak, barely to breathe. As he didn't say anything, she returned her attention to Zuko's lips, which she nibbled gently, waiting for his response.
She seemed to have forgotten that a few minutes earlier she had refused him. Her hand trailed down to her brother's crotch. But as Azula grew bolder, his own arousal had faded. Zuko found that it was very cold all of a sudden. And the ruby lips that had transported him so much earlier no longer had the same flavor. Azula must have felt his lack of enthusiasm under her hand:
"I can do it with my mouth if you prefer," she offered with a hot breath in the hollow of his ear. "Do you?"
In disgust, he pushed her away violently. She lost her balance a little but managed to catch up in time.
"No."
"How's that, no?" she replied, her eyes blazing with unfathomable anger. Her chest heaved dangerously and the air around them shot through with small electric shocks.
"No that's all. I don't want that. We can't. It's wrong."
"It's wrong only because an absurd and arbitrary law forbids us to do so!" she insisted, trying to get closer to him. "You are the Fire Lord. You will change this law."
"No," he said firmly, getting up to escape her. "We'll go back tomorrow and follow your plan, like you said. We don't have time to prepare another one. But after that, I want things to go back to normal between us. I won't force you into anything, but I will repudiate Mai and look for a new wife. I have to ensure the continuity of the line."
The grief and surprise that appeared on Azula's face was like an electric shock. She would not have reacted otherwise if he had struck her down.
"I… I can do it," she stammered in a small, uncertain voice. "I will give you a child."
"Taïma said you couldn't have any."
Zuko was ashamed to brandish this excuse when his arguments should have been quite different.
"We… we don't know," Azula gabbled, suddenly looking very miserable. "She said it was a probability but we can't be sure! If we try, maybe..."
"What makes you think I want a child with... you? Besides, no one will accept a bastard born of such a union as their leader, Azula. Even if we legitimize it. And even if we hide it, they will find out our secret. It's a divine law that transcends those of men. We can't impose this on our people!"
Zuko realized too late that he had used the plural. Azula already reigned in his mind, and it showed even in his grammar. But his sister was far too confused and upset to realize that.
"You don't want me, right?" She reproached him abruptly, pushing him by the shoulders. He nearly fell back on the chair but stopped himself just in time. "I'm not pretty enough for you, that's it?"
He was surprised by the childishness of her accusation.
"It has nothing to do with that. Of course you're pretty, I'm not blind!"
It would have avoided a lot of trouble if you hadn't been, he refrained from adding.
But that was not enough for Azula. She took a few steps back, humiliation and grief making her jaw quiver.
Zuko didn't know what was driving him to sunk the blade a little deeper into her already bruised heart. He suspected that part of him might be reveling in the power he had over her. Why would he be the only one to be controlled? He had power over her as she had over him and he was determined to show it to her.
"I drank too much wine. I am disturbed. And you are not yourself. Weaning makes you lose your mind. We must not let this kind of thing happen again."
"I don't understand," she said in a very small voice.
"What don't you understand?"
"I don't understand you!" her voice cracked with hysteria. "Sometimes you act like if you wanted to, and the next minute, you reject me! As if I meant nothing to you!"
"Didn't you just push me away not five minutes ago?" he exclaimed.
What did she believe? Did she think that being his sister miraculously immunized him against her charms? She teased him and provoked him like a whore only to refuse him the minute that followed. He was a man! He had needs! Who would remain unmoved by such advances? He was about to voice these ideas out loud, but she spoke first:
"It's not the same. You can't compare it! I just ask you to be patient. But I want you! I want to be with you! I truly love you!"
A silence.
"I don't understand," she repeated. You wanted to, right? And then you chose me! When the Avatar attacked us, when that peasant, Sokka, insulted me… You chose me!"
"Because you're my sister!" he roared. "I care for you. And it's true that I find you attractive, but that doesn't mean that I'm in love with you or that- or that I want to marry you! I thought you just wanted to have fun, to relax; you can't really want… that?"
"B-but you kissed me! You touched me," she said in a trembling voice. "I don't understand!"
Zuko let out a cry of rage. He scanned the room for objects to ignite or destroy. In the hearth, a sharp flame rose then exploded in a powerful detonation. Zuko didn't even know if he was furious because she pretended not to understand, or because he had let himself be dominated by his impulses again, or even because she had refused him her body earlier. He chose to focus on the first option. It was wiser and far easier to blame her.
"Can you imprint that on your twisted little mind, Azula? It's against the law: it's a crime!" He shouted, spitting a rain of postilion in her face. "It's incest! Do you hear me? In-cest!"
Here is. Finally, the hideous word had been spoken. The one that had been floating on the surface for months in the unconscious realms of his mind, the one that neither he nor Azula wanted to hear. This filthy word that stood like a barrier between them but whose hissing sound sounded like the most seductive of promises. Behind this word, a whole world of pleasures and discovery awaited them, inviting them to a mortal abandonment.
You didn't mind earlier when her hand was in your pants...
Zuko chased away the inopportune thought. He was too furious to dwell of his own contradictions. Besides, it wasn't the same thing, was it, to marry or to have a pleasant time with your sister? Other siblings must have done that before them, certainly.
Azula wouldn't have reacted differently if he had punched her in the face. She had shrunk. Her lips let out a sob. Torn between relief at having been able to resist her deadly invitation and guilt, he watched her wipe her eyes reduced to two black marbles haloed by gold. It was like two black suns shining in a devastated sky. Finally, Azula headed for the door.
Just before leaving, she turned around:
"Coward!" The childish word had sprung out into the silence, hitting Zuko in the heart more surely than the blade of a dagger. "You're a coward and a hypocrite!". She was almost spitting angrily in his direction, her shoulders bent, her arms crossed around her waist, as if to protect herself from a blow.
The door slammed shut and he was left alone in the dark. Night had fallen during those unreal minutes when they had indulged in crime. He tried to ignore the cries of a wounded beast his sister let out, followed by the heart-rending sobs that pierced the darkness and echoed in the hall where she had come to take refuge.
Zuko considered following her, then gave up. He wasn't going to find her and try to console her. He wasn't sure he could resist a second time. It was impossible. Azula's tears had the same power over him as the eyes that bore them.
Zuko cursed, calling himself a pervert, a fool, reviling his non-existent will. Unable to stick to his decisions as soon as Azula showed off some flesh. He shouldn't have given in to temptation. Azula wasn't herself, he knew it well though.
Zuko cautiously exited her room, worried that he no longer heard any noise. Azula was desperate, she risked harming herself. He arrived in the empty hall. He saw the hairpin left on one of the first steps of the stairs and assumed she had come up. He put his foot on the first step, wincing at the creaking caused by his weight which rested on the old worm-eaten wood. Arrived on the landing, he heard her speak. He just had to follow the sound of her voice.
Azula had taken refuge in their mother's old bedroom. The door was half-ajar, and he saw her sitting on the bed, a pillow pressed against her chest, rocking back and forth. Her face was turned towards the window through which a ray of moonlight entered and lit up a section of the room.
"I know what you're thinking! But he wanted it too! If I'm a pervert, then what does it make him?"
…
The silence.
"Of course! You would never blame your dear son for anything? He's so perfect, unlike your crazy monster of a daughter!"
Again, the only answer remained darkness.
"What do you know about that?" Azula shouted in a shrill voice, visibly offended. "How do you know if I initiated things with him too? You weren't there when it happened! You were never here, because you abandoned me! This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't left! He wouldn't have looked at me that way!"
Here, her voice cracked, and she seemed to be choking with sobs. "Go away," she finally managed to breathe. "I don't want to listen to you anymore!"
And she placed her hands on either side of her face, groaning in rage. Terrified by this sight, Zuko retreated into the shadows, heart pounding.
But what could she be talking about with the ghost of their mother? And especially about whom?
The image of a finely chiseled face, of eyes as gold as a setting sun and of long, straight black hair fleetingly crossed his mind, but he immediately dismissed it in disgust and thought no more of it.
Whatever he did, whether he accepted her advances or rejected her, he always ended up hurting her a little more. If he wanted to protect her, he had to protect her from himself first. But he couldn't do it here. Not while he was alone with her, subject to all temptations.
Uncle, he begged, please. Come get us out of here!
Iroh was waiting for them in the huge entrance hall, in front of the great marble staircase that led to the upper floors of the palace. Torn between impatience and apprehension to see them arrive, he kept glancing at the clepsydra on the wall. They were late. Their aircraft must have landed half an hour earlier.
Iroh heard a frantic running noise just behind him and turned in time to see a breathless Ty Lee rushing towards him, flushed cheeks and a little disheveled.
"Sorry for being late, Lord Iroh. Did they come back?"
Iroh had no time to respond: the sound of a palanquin being lowered to the ground caught their attention from the open door.
Kadao exited the litter and opened the door. The Fire Lord came out, quickly followed by the Princess, to whom he held out his hand.
As they approached, Iroh could see the scowl and concern on his nephew's face, and his hand jealously closed around Azula's wrist which he didn't let go. The princess' mood couldn't have been more different than her brother's. A large smile – red of course – lit up his niece's face, as radiant and deadly as a summer sun. A ferocious satisfaction, an unhealthy joy radiated from her person. An aura so powerful and so charismatic that you forgot the slight limp that still afflicted her. Maybe that was why Zuko held her so firmly.
A strange thought came to Iroh: although it was Zuko who was holding his sister, Iroh felt deep inside him that the balance of power had reversed and that Azula was actually the one who was supporting her brother. And she was obviously jubilant about this new power she had over him.
Whatever had happened on Ember Island, it had helped Azula regaining some influence over her sibling. The Sages wouldn't be pleased with that. Iroh stared at his niece's face, looking for the slightest sign of madness. She blinked perhaps a little more often than necessary, and her overly broad smile, her obvious cheerfulness, contrasted inappropriately with the general mood of concern.
Iroh tried not to show his impatience as his nephew and niece crossed the threshold of the great hall together.
"Where are the others?" Ty Lee whispered, sweeping the square with her gaze.
Iroh didn't answer. He hadn't found the words to tell her. Nothing in Azula's letter mentioned Ty Lee. He had preferred to remain silent. Azula would tell her whatever she wanted.
"My uncle!" The princess exclaimed happily as she walked towards him with open arms.
She approached him and kissed both his cheeks, which made Iroh blush in surprise. Azula had never shown him such affection. Where did this sudden exuberance come from? Another symptom of her madness? What twisted game was she playing?
"Glad to see you in good health, my dear niece."
He patted her back awkwardly, returning her smile, but couldn't force it to reach his eyes. Azula turned to Ty Lee and with a cry of joy that seemed much more sincere, she extended both her hands to her. The young woman squeezed them with a happy smile. Iroh took the opportunity to look at Zuko who was far from displaying the same enthusiasm and was witnessing the two girls' embraces with a dull eye.
"How are you, my nephew?" Iroh ventured.
"And you, how are you, uncle?" he growled, evading the question. "Did everything go well here?"
Iroh cast an embarrassed look around him. To his left, Azula had frozen and was giving him a searching look, Ty Lee's hands still in hers. She moved her lips imperceptibly and he realized that she was thinking, like him, of the secret letter. He heard her silent prayer and discreetly tilted his head in her direction. The illusion vanished as soon as she spoke:
"If you allow it Zuzu, I would like to go to the gardens with Ty Lee. We have so much to tell each other!"
"Of course," he replied absently. "Be careful, okay?"
"As always, my Lord."
And she left Ty Lee to walk towards him. Iroh blushed furiously when Azula wrapped her arms around Zuko's neck, stood on tiptoe, and placed a light kiss on the corner of his lips. Zuko's face flushed scarlet as well, but he refrained from commenting.
"See you later, brother dear!"
She took her friend by the hand and led her in her wake. She disappeared with one last smirk.
Iroh turned his attention back to Zuko. The poor boy looked exhausted and terribly depressed. Iroh had waited more than ten days. He could as well give his nephew a respite for a few more hours before letting an avalanche of bad news wash over him and questioning him about what had happened with Aang and the others.
"You should go freshen up," he said, putting a hand on his back to guide him to the royal apartments. "And go change your clothes. I confess that I'm relieved to finally get rid of this disguise! Not only it's too hot, but these clothes are too tight to welcome my royal stomach!"
Zuko's face cracked into a fleeting smile, but it vanished so quickly that Iroh wondered if he hadn't imagined it.