"What do you want ?"
Ofcourse. Taeyeon didn't expect Tiffany to jump on her and kiss her on her cheek. She didn't deserve all that. But hearing Tiffany's ice cold voice she expected to get was unexceptionally hurtful.
With her eyes stuck on the floor, she slowly walked to the kitchen, following the woman she haven't seen in months. She finally lifted her head at the gentle voice of a glass meeting the polished granite counter top. When their eyes met, Taeyeon saw Tiffany's eyes silently offering her a full glass of fresh water. So her dried lips curved up slightly into a small smile to express her thankfulness as she took the offer. After a long night without consuming any water, the liquid tasted like the best that ever went down her throat.
Tiffany couldn't deny that she actually felt a little bit good to see Taeyeon directly instead of online or from other medias. She realized Taeyeon had lost a lot of weight. Her eyes were shaded by slight dark circles, her facial bones looked sharper, and her lips were chapped.
A sigh was heard along a clink of the empty glass. It brought Tiffany back from her thoughts of Taeyeon. She sat down on the stool across Taeyeon still with questions running inside her head. She also didn't expect her to show up on the other side of her door, without any cover ups. Just with the coat that covered her body.
"Since when you started to smoke ? It went all over the internet"
Tiffany mentally slapped her forehead for showing too much care. She couldn't help it. No matter how bad Taeyeon was in her eyes, she would still find herself putting atleast a stray of her attention for her.
"I know. Like a half of year or less- I think"
"You need to quit it"
"I did, last night was the last one"
She said softly and honestly as she locked her eyes on Tiffany's. She got a nod in return, with the same cold gaze.
The kitchen fell into silence. Taeyeon shifted uncomfortably in her seat before she gulped down and spoke up
"How are you doing ?"
"Fine"
"How about the baby ?"
"Fine"
And another silence filled in. The blonde inaudibly sighed out in bitterness as she massaged the back of her neck
"It has been too long, isn't it Fany-ah ? Did you get the baby's gender checked or are you keeping it as a surp—"
"Just get to the point, Taeyeon. I need to go to work.. Just.. What do you want ?"
Taeyeon pulled off the blades that Tiffany's words threw right onto her chest. She shut her eyes close when she felt tears started to form in her eyes. 'You deserve that. You deserve all of that', she chanted it inside her head as she bit her lip
"You still go to work ? You're on your 7th month.. right ? You shouldn't tire yourself—"
"Then how are you expecting me to feed myself and my baby ?! Do you think food falls free from the sky and the bills pays itselves ?"
Just after Taeyeon finished pulling the blades, shards of glass being shot right on her wounded heart. She gulped down the forming knots of sadness in her neck before she spoke up once again
"I've made a huge mistake. And I sincerely apologize. I know an apology just isn't enough to make it right. So please.. please let me take the responsibilities"
"I don't need it. I'm doing well on my own. Are you done ? If yes, then please leave. I need to get ready for work" With that, Tiffany got up from her seat and walked pass Taeyeon. But she was stopped midway by a hand that gripped on her wrist.
"Tiffany, please.. I'm begging you. Please give me chance to take care of you and my- our baby—" Taeyeon's sentence was cut by a loud voice and the wrist on her hold forcefully freed itself
"DON'T SAY THAT ! Don't you dare say that ever again !" Tiffany screamed out as tears started to stream down her face. Her right hand was pointing at Taeyeon angrily, and her left arm was draped around her stomach, trying to cover it as if she didn't want her baby to hear her screams.
"The baby I've been taking care of alone since 7 months ago is MY baby ! She's my baby only ! Someone who wanted her to be dead at first doesn't deserve her. She has been father-less since the moment you denied her and she will regard nobody as her father for her whole life. My baby only has one parent and it's me. I will give birth to her and my last name, I will continue to love her, I will give her the best life I can, I will raise her by myself, and I will be the only one who personally protects her from irresponsible hands like yours. MY daughter will grow into a proper woman beautifully and no one would have a slight chance to hurt her like the way you did to her mother !" By then, Taeyeon had lost count on how many blades had been stabbed onto her chest and how many bullets had been shot throughout her body. Her soul was bleeding and her eyes couldn't stop her tears of shame from flowing free. She felt like the biggest sinner ever. But as if it all wasn't enough, Tiffany said her sentences that snatched air out of her lungs immediately.
".. I will be happy watching my daughter being happy with the person who she loves and loves her back. Then, I will witness her getting married before she will carry my grandchildren while you can just still enjoy your money and fame freely.."
".. Is it clear enough for you ? I need to go now and I believe I don't need to show you the way out, Taeyeon"
-xxx-
'Taeyeon Kim, 24, "I'm currently expecting a birth of a baby who I'm fully responsible of"'
'For Violating The Rules, X Records Finally Terminated Their Contract With The Chart Queen RnB Singer-Songwriter Taeyeon Kim'
'Taeyeon, a responsible parent but not a responsible artist ?'
Exactly a day after Tiffany kicked Taeyeon out of her apartment, she basically hear about or see Taeyeon everywhere and every time she open her eyes. She saw her on the TV, newspapers, magazines—and just everywhere. Her feelings were blended into one confusion. She obviously felt bad for putting a harm on her career, but at the same time she felt relief because Taeyeon kept her identity hidden safely. She clearly wasn't fond of the limelight. Moreover, she rather not to have Taeyeon's hardcore fans waiting for her infront of her apartment.
On the next day, just as she opened the door to go for her usual weekend shopping, Tiffany found paperbags filled with her favorite kinds of vegetables, fruits, snacks, and even some necessity she needed to buy. Without reading the sender's name, Tiffany already knew who it was from judging by the handwriting.
'Please eat well'
-xxx-
"We're here. God bless you and your baby. Have a good evening, miss"
"Thankyou. God bless you too. And have a good evening"
After exchanging smiles with the very kind-hearted cab driver, Tiffany walked out of the cab while hugging her newborn close, blocking the cold wind from blowing right to her baby. But just right before she could open the apartment's door, a voice stopped her
"Tiffany"
The name owner turned her back quickly at the unexpected call. She recognized the voice she haven't heard for months right before she saw a familiar person with a cap over her head. Taeyeon took her shades off as she took some steps closer to Tiffany, but still far enough for her to see the baby that was wrapped in a thick pink blanket.
"I know you're tired.. I'm sorry- but.. Um.. How is she ? and.. you ?"
"We're fine. Now if you excuse me, I need to go inside. It's quite cold here"
"Tiffany- wait ! I'm sorry once again but can you please atleast give me some seconds to see her ? or just 3 seconds and that's all. Please" Tiffany saw tears started to form in Taeyeon's eyes. Her lips were slightly trembling, her eyes went back and forth from her eyes and to the baby on her hold. Judging from the look on Taeyeon's face, Tiffany knew she had been waiting for too long. She might hated her for what she did before, but Tiffany was just wasn't the type to feel good after treating people bad. So in the end, she sighed and said
"Come upstairs. It's cold here"
Taeyeon followed steps away behind Tiffany. She held herself back from running straight to see the baby when Tiffany carefully laid her down to her single bed that was bordered with pillows. From the doorway, Taeyeon noticed some changes in Tiffany's room. Her bed that was originally placed in the middle of the room was pushed to the corner. And there was a set of small pink baby pillows, blanket, and some dolls. Tiffany's favorite book shelf was no longer there and Taeyeon found a brand new baby changing table occupying the old spot. The walls were also decorated by some stickers. There were too many changes. Tiffany had changed the only bedroom in her apartment into a baby nursery.
Taeyeon's focus was diverted from the room's changes to the sleeping baby when she saw Tiffany's eyes finally signaled her a look of permission. She took some steps with a thumping heart until it stopped when she finally saw the baby for the first time. As expected, the sleeping baby looked like the most beautiful baby she had ever seen. The peaceful sight made tears stung her eyes and she felt her head spinning.
"What's.. what's her name ?"
"Irene Hwang Joohyun"
"Sounds beautiful—" Taeyeon's sentence got stopped forcefully as she choked back tears, earning Tiffany's attention. When their eyes met, Taeyeon tried her hardest to smile in her redden eyes. She smiled so joyously yet so painfully
"Your baby is so beautiful. Congratulation, Tiffany"
And Tiffany could only nod in response of Taeyeon's awed voice. The room went silent for some moments before Taeyeon's trembling voice broke two broken hearts into pieces.
"Can I hold her hand ? And give her a kiss ? Just once"
She got another nod for an answer and she smiled the same smile once again. Tiffany quickly wiped her tear right after she saw Taeyeon had tears streaming down her face. She kept her eyes on Taeyeon who kneeled slowly and soundlessly
"Irene-ah.." Taeyeon called out softly in a whisper to not wake the sleeping baby. Her trembling hand took off her cap before she reached out to the baby's tiny hand and held it carefully. As she caressed her fingers with her thumb, her tears kept on flowing down. Taeyeon felt so sinful for the words that slipped out of her mouth months before. She kept on cursing that monster once ever lived inside her.
Tiffany thought that Taeyeon was going to leave a kiss on her daughter's head—which was reasonable enough and she could agree easily. But what was inside Taeyeon's mind was beyond her expectations. Tiffany felt her heart sunk and she couldn't stop her tears anymore when she witnessed Taeyeon bent forward to carefully held the baby's feet and place a kiss on her toes. Tiffany covered her mouth with her hands as she heard Taeyeon's tearful apology.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry"
Even though she knew the baby won't answer, Taeyeon pleaded in between her sobs, holding the baby's feet close to her lips, without any hope of being forgiven. Because she felt that being allowed to see her well was more than enough for someone like her.
But Tiffany's heart was still quite far from healing.
"I wish to see her every day. But I know I'm not in the place to request for such things. So I won't" Taeyeon said calmly as her finger traced the rim of her empty mug. She was soon answered by silence while Tiffany was trying to come up with a solution she could try to be comfortable with.
"On the weekend, then. Every weekends"
"Great. That sounds great. Thank you very much, Tiffany" She answered with a slight smile before she decided to give more good news for the latter who succeeded on earning back a small pinch of salt grains out of her sea of trust that day.
"And you can visit her starting this weekend" A surge of joy hit Taeyeon immediately as soon as she realized that the weekend was just two days apart. And because of that, Tiffany finally saw Taeyeon's happy wide smile for the first time after so long
"Thank you. I won't waste any of it"
-xxx-
Weeks passed by and the baby turned 3 months old pretty fast. Taeyeon has been regularly visiting her on weekends. And that day morning too, she was given a trust to play with the baby while the mother was somewhere in the kitchen, taking the chance to do her take-home works.
"You like that ?" Taeyeon said softly with a smile as she laid down beside the baby on the rug. She instantly found herself adoring the baby who was paying her full attention to the new squeaky rubber toy she just gave her. A squeak was heard and the living room fell into silence. The baby turned her head to look Taeyeon straight right in her eyes with her wide bright eyes that resembled Taeyeon's very much. And the sight made Taeyeon feel arrows being shot right to her heart. When Taeyeon couldn't help but to smile widely at her, the baby mirrored the smile as she squeezed the toy to make the same sound before she excitedly swung her hand, waving the toy and followed by her first delighted squeal Taeyeon had ever heard.
"Oh you love it, Irene-ah ? I'm glad~"
But the toy slipped out of her hands, bounced onto Taeyeon's face and flew away out of their sight. The room was filled with silence once again before a baby laugh burst in happiness. Taeyeon couldn't help but to laugh along with the baby, so hard that she accidentally snorted. And it made the baby laugh even more.
The baby rolled over from her back and gently threw her arms to hug Taeyeon's head with her body. They couldn't stop laughing still with the baby continuously patting and caressing Taeyeon with her small hands.
"What did you do ? That was her first laugh. And it was really loud"
Taeyeon could only peek at Tiffany from between the baby's arms and body. And after so long, she finally saw Tiffany's genuine wide smile and heard her giggle. It made her feel good
"She accidentally threw a toy to my face and I kinda snorted" Taeyeon reported before she tried to snort again purposely. And the baby burst into a laughing fit once again as she snuggled closer to Taeyeon's face, followed by the adults' laughters.
At noon, Taeyeon was supposed to tuck the toddler in for a nap but in the end she tucked both of them. When she felt touches on her face, she quickly opened her eyes after small hours of nap. A pair of bright round eyes were the first thing she saw and they made Taeyeon smile right after.
She closed her eyes once again when the baby caressed her head, down to her nose, before she felt a wetness there.
And she opened her eyes and she saw the baby's face located too close from her face. Another smile crept into her face as she realized that the baby kissed her nose wetly. She let the baby do whatever she wants with her. She felt more kisses and caresses as she enjoyed the baby's mumbles, before a clear word opened her eyes wide
"Ma"
Taeyeon kept quiet even though her heart was stopped by the simple syllable said. The baby mumbled incoherent words more before
"Ma" The baby said once again with a smile as she patted Taeyeon's cheek. Her eyes were locked straight to Taeyeon's asking for a respond. Taeyeon felt a pain on her chest looking at the baby's eyes. The baby she could've call as hers openly. She forced a smile as she caressed her small hand that was resting on her cheek
"I'm Taeyeon, baby-yah.. Don't call me that. Call me Taeyeon. Or Taetae to make it easier. Tae..Tae"
But the baby only looked at her quietly, blinking her beautiful eyes now and then.
The puzzled look made Taeyeon giggle. She caressed the baby's cheek as she gulped down the pain
'Irene could've been mine and I could teach her to call me dada'
But in reality she told Tiffany to remove her at first.
'..I could've call her as 'my' daughter too..'
'..or.. maybe.. Tiffany.. as my wif—'
"Taeyeon. Irene has to go for a check up appointment in the hospital now" Taeyeon woke up from her slight daydream and saw a glimpse of the baby focusing on her mother
"Okay" She quickly removed herself from the baby's reach softly before she sat up to face the voice source. Taeyeon lifted and handed the little one to Tiffany. Then she also got up from the bed as she watched Tiffany changing the baby's clothes on the changing table
"I can drive you there- and drive you back here after you're done"
"Thanks, but.. I've booked a cab"
"Ah, I see. Okay then" Taeyeon said as she tried to hide her disappointment. But then she saw the fully-dressed baby smiling at her. The sight brought peace in her heart along a surge of sadness, knowing she woudn't be able to see her smile again for the whole week
"Be a good girl, Irene-ah.. Taetae will see you again next week" Hearing Taeyeon talking in her cute voice made the toddler smile. Her hands were reaching out for Taeyeon, and she just couldn't resist her. Taeyeon walked closer to give her a tight hug and a kiss on her cheek before she hand her back to her mother
"Thank you, Tiffany. I'll see you next week. And plese be careful on your way to the hospital. Take care"
"Ofcourse. Get home safely, too. Take care"
-xxx-
When Tiffany woke up from her nap, it was almost 10 in the night. She rose from her bed and walked out of her room. Annoyance immediately filled her as she saw papers, stationaries and a guitar being scattered all around the rug on her small living room.
It has been almost a year and Taeyeon had never miss her weekly visit even once. Her career had fully recovered from the slight slip and it kept her busy as always. So it also has been a habit for her to bring her work to Tiffany's place. Irene who nearly turn a year old showed a huge interest on music right in the moment she heard Taeyeon working infront of her. Ofcourse that also grew interest on Tiffany too. She couldn't help but to feel her heart shake everytime she sees her daughter putting so much attention watching Taeyeon who was working intently—or when she serenades the little girl.
But the mess in her living room by then, clearly wasn't interesting at all.
"It's late. You better clean that mess up fast and go home.." But when her gaze diverted to the couch, Tiffany's track stopped and voice trailed down. Her daughter looked so peaceful sleeping on top of Taeyeon who was lying on her sofa, also sleeping. Taeyeon had her arms wrapped around the baby, securing and warming her. While her baby snuggled close to Taeyeon chest, her small fist gripped Taeyeon's tee. A gesture to express her possessiveness she only does to her mother, Tiffany. Tiffany's heart fluttered unknowingly realizing how easy it was for Taeyeon to make the little one feel so comfortable around her when she only let Taeyeon to see her on the weekends.
The woman absent-mindedly sat down on the warm rug as she gather the papers on top of it. She smiled seeing her daughter's familiar vigorous scribbles decorating Taeyeon's perfectly filled music sheets. Her smile went wider as she also recognized Taeyeon's and her daughter's doodles in crayons ruining another sheet. She spent her time smiling over the ruined works and Taeyeon's hardwork. She must admit that Taeyeon ruining her masterpieces just to put a smile on the toddler's face warmed her heart, knowing how much Taeyeon hated it even if she just accidentally streak it back when they were best friends.
Once she was done stacking the papers in a tidy pile and putting Taeyeon's stuffs back into its bags, Tiffany found herself denying how similar her daughter was to Taeyeon. Their cheeks, their lips, their noses, and the way they sleeps. Her denial would be K.O-ed right away if she saw their eyes right then. The little one clearly got Taeyeon's features. Well, no wonder.
'She is her father anyway'
Tiffany shook her head to dismiss that thought.
'No. Not that. Irene is my daughter. Mine. Taeyeon is just a very friendly friend of mine in her eyes'
With that thought, Tiffany got back up on her feet and went inside her room.
Few seconds afterwards, she came back to the living room carrying the finest blanket she has on her hands. She quietly unfolded it and spread it over Taeyeon's and her daughter's bodies. Then she bent down to give her daughter her usual good night kiss on her head before her eyes got stuck on Taeyeon's slightly parted lips. She heard muffled heartbeats on her ear drums as she unknowingly shifted closer and closer while wetting her lips lightly until she felt a nostalgic air hitting her lips. Then Tiffany finally snapped out of it. She quickly straighten her body and walked to her room direction. Before she went away from the living room, she dimmed the lights and her eyes once again laid their gazes on Taeyeon and her daughter. With a sigh, she finally turned her heels and went back inside her room.
'What was that ? Don't be stupid. She has caused you too much pain'
-xxx-
That night, Tiffany was a mess. She felt so weak because of the fever she caught and her baby was no help. The little one had been crying countlessly, stopping Tiffany for getting the rest she needed.
"Shhh shhh shh Irene-ah.. can you please stop crying ? What's wrong, baby ?" Tiffany said tiredly from behind her mask. She kept on rocking the baby despite of her weak body, but the baby also kept on crying. Sighing, she looked on the clock hanging on the wall. It was a minute pass midnight. She has been trying to stop her baby from crying for almost an hour. And the day had also changed to the baby's first birthday.
"You've been crying for too long.. please stop crying, baby.. You're turning one today"
Tiffany felt her headache worsened as she heard knocks on her door. She cursed internally assuming her neighbor or even neighbors came to complain about her baby's cry.
"Please stay here for a while, okay ?"
With that, she put the crying baby inside the pillows border on the bed, and tried to walk fast to the front door. Preparing for the best apology, she sighed and opened the door. But instead, she saw a familiar person on her shades and hood
"Taeyeon ? What are you doing here ? It's midnight"
"I know. And I'm sorry. I've been too busy. It's technically not Sunday anymore but can I please—wait, is that Irene crying ?" They fell into silence and the baby's cry became clearer. Tiffany felt her head churning so bad, her whole body was freezing, and she didn't have more power even just to support her body up
"Yes..I—" Taeyeon instinctively caught Tiffany who collapsed forward. She supported her with all of her power and she could feel the heat from the sick latter
"Tiffany ! You're burning ! Please excuse me" And with that, she scooped her up and went inside Tiffany's apartment after she gently kicked the door close. As Taeyeon was walking to Tiffany's room direction, she was stopped by a weak voice
"Just.. on the couch, please"
"You need to sleep comfortably in your room, Tiffany"
"Irene's..there. I don't want her.. to get sick"
Tiffany was right. Without any words, Taeyeon carefully laid Tiffany down the couch and spreaded the blanket to cover her body. It all made Taeyeon panicked a little bit. She could hear a loud cry blasting from the room, and she could see Tiffany lying weakly on the couch. She was so confused. She didn't know what to do first to help the both of them.
"Taeyeon.. can you please.. stop Irene from crying ? She has been crying for too long.."
"What about you ? Should I get you some medicine first ? Do you want me to—"
"I'm fine.. just stop her cry.. please" Taeyeon bit her lip as her brows furrowed in contemplation. She just wanted to make everything okay right on the moment she looked at Tiffany's pale face, tired eyes, and dry lips. Shortly, after she finally decided what to do, she got back up to her feet
"Okay. Please call me if you need something" A sight of Tiffany nodding her head while having her eyes closed was the last she saw before her hearing was filled by a baby's cry
"Shhh shh Irene-ah... What's wrong ?" Taeyeon cooed right after she went inside the room. She carried the baby close to her body and started to rock her softly
"Please stop crying.. mommy's sick. Let's give her a good night rest, shall we ?"
But the baby just wouldn't listen. She kept on crying and crying, ignoring Taeyeon's voice
"Irene-ah.. please stop crying, baby.." Just when Taeyeon thought she ran out of idea to stop her crying, her eyes landed on a toy piano she gave Irene right after she showed her interest on music. She walked to the corner of the room where it was put and Taeyeon pressed a random key right after she sat down on the stool. Much to her surprise, the crying stopped abruptly and the baby had her attention paid fully to Taeyeon's hand.
"Should I play you some songs ?" Taeyeon asked the baby as she wiped the tears of her small face. She giggled a little bit when the baby mumbled her own language while pointing at the piano, her eyes went back at forth from it and to Taeyeon's eyes
"Okay. The first song is.."
"Happy birthday"
"I know you don't understand what birthday is but it's your birthday today, Irene-ah.." The birthday baby had her head resting on Taeyeon's chest as she sat on top of her lap, intently watching Taeyeon's hands that were playing the tune
"..Happy birthday, Irene-ah.. why did you cry on her birthday ? You're going to be a big girl soon. You know that, hm ?"
"If you cry you also make Taetae sad.. Don't cry again, okay ?"
"On this upcoming year, I wish for your health, your happiness, and everything that is good. Be a good girl.. always listen to mommy, and make her happy"
"Also, do what you love when you grow up.. Please know that I'm also here for you. I will always be here to help you with anything"
"I love you so much, Irene-ah.. Happy birthday"
And with that, the tune came to an end. Taeyeon looked up to the ceiling to stop her tears from falling. She couldn't believe it has been a year since Tiffany gave birth to the most beautiful baby ever. It also has been a year since she technically became her parent—only if the mistake wasn't carelessly made.
A movement and a tug on her jacket brought her back to the reality. Taeyeon looked down at the eyes that she could never stop adoring. She gave the baby a smile before she leaned in to kiss the baby's head lovingly
"I want to sing you another song. Do you want to listen ?" Taeyeon saw the baby on her lap blinked once and twice before she rested her back on Taeyeon's front once again, waiting for Taeyeon to play the piano. She giggled as she placed her hands back on the keys
"This is one of my favorite songs.. I hope you like it too"
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss a thing
From the living room, even though Tiffany knew Taeyeon was keeping her voice low just for Irene to hear, Tiffany could hear well whatever Taeyeon was saying—or singing. And she just couldn't stop her tears from falling because
"I sang this song to your mommy once before"
"Did you also like it ? Your mommy liked it"
"I sang it on my concerts because mommy said that the song is beautiful. And she thought the fans would love it. They really did"
Taeyeon paused for a while as she slightly moved her body side to side, trying to make the sleepy baby asleep while she tell a piece of her past as the bedtime story. She softly caress her back, and to her head that was already resting on Taeyeon's shoulder
"When you grow up and I'm not here to sing.. please sing that song to mommy whenever she's sad. Mommy really like that song"
"I still don't know what song to choose, Fany-ah.. It's my first concert ! I don't know what I should choose so that all of the fans can enjoy"
"Yah yah. You're Kim Taeyeon. The KIM TAEYEON. You can just sing world's worst song and they would still scream for you"
Taeyeon kept quiet before she reached into one of the food containers Tiffany brought to her house. Her brain kept on suggesting lines of songs but she just couldn't choose the best one
"Just sing the one that hits you right in your feeling" Tiffany said while chewing her food
"Think about one song that says a lot about what you want to say"
Taeyeon took her time to chew her food inside her mouth until a certain song popped inside her mind
"I think I got one"
"Already ? Okay then sing it"
"What ? Like right now ?"
"Do you want to sing it next year, then ?"
Then all Taeyeon knew after that was finding herself playing the guitar while her body heated up from singing a song that really says what she actually feels for her best friend who was sitting across the coffee table.
And Tiffany also couldn't think straight as she was too drowned at Taeyeon's voice, her sincere eyes, and how she sang the song. She felt like Taeyeon was delivering the words to her, but she stopped herself from thinking that way
'..it was just a song. Don't be stupid. I'm just her friend. She wouldn't think of me that way'
"Wow, Taeyeon.. that was.. wow. I'm sure your fans would love that. 100% sure. Because I love it. I like that song a lot and I think you sang it perfectly. Ofcourse ! You're THE Kim Taeyeon" A laugh filled the living room as Tiffany tried to hold in surges of heat throughout her body. And Taeyeon followed along, also with the same hurtful reason.
"Happy birthday once again. Sleep tight, Irene-ah. I love you" Taeyeon whispered to the sleeping baby after she laid her down on the middle of the bed. Right after, she stood straight once again and buried her face on her palms. She sighed out inaudibly, trying to get the memories out of her stuffy chest. She didn't get the courage to confess back when they were best friends, and now she knew that she got no chances anymore knowing what she did before.
She quietly tried to fix her broken heart, dimmed the light in the room, before she walked out to the living room. Taeyeon felt her heart broke even more looking at Tiffany who was sleeping soundly on the couch. She wanted to give her more comfort, she wanted to take care of her like she used to, and she just wanted to repay for the hell she gave her before. But in the end, she could only sit beside the couch for hours, dabbing moist towel on Tiffany's forehead now and then, with a hope of making her feel better.
"Please be well soon.." Taeyeon whispered sadly as she gazes at Tiffany's face. She didn't know what was inside her that pushed her to gently take her hand inside hers gently. But she did. And she started to wonder when was the last time she got the chance to feel the sparks inside her whenever they touched.
"I don't know, Fany-ah.."
Relieved because the contact wasn't enough to wake her up, Taeyeon sighed out before she rested her head near their joined hands
"I was such an idiot, also a huge coward. A very irresponsible and idiotic coward.."
"..how can you still let me to see you and Irene. I always feel I don't deserve all that. But I can't help but wanting to see Irene's and your eyes each day.."
"..we were best friends. Until I did a huge mistake. During those times, where I can't talk to you, or even just to see your eyes, I really realize how much I need you. I always need you, Fany-ah.. you were my best friend—" Taeyeon choke on her words as the tears she held back finally escaped her eyes and flowed to her arm. She took her time to calm herself a little bit and sighed out the pain she could never escape from
"..we were best friends. But Fany-ah.. I've always like you. Even before the day we kissed- accidentally because I tripped in our class during highschool. But after all this.. after I didn't get the chance to see you as often as I used to.. I'm more sure that.. I love you.." There was a pause for Taeyeon to wipe the tears in her eyes
"..but I won't ask you to be mine. Because I know I don't deserve you"
In the morning, Tiffany was woken up by the sunlight that shone over her face. She opened her eyes and she could no longer feel the massive headache, and her body temperature was back to normal. After she sat up, her eyes immediately caught a sight of Taeyeon resting her head on the couch—sleeping. A smile unknowingly crept into Tiffany's face as she witness Taeyeon's sleeping face. Then she carefully removed her hand that was still covered with Taeyeon's hand, got up, and put the blanket she used before over Taeyeon's back.
The scars Taeyeon left on Tiffany were still there. But at some point Tiffany still wished that they were gone or even didn't even occur at the first place. She still wished to have a better term with the latter, and regard her as her baby's father.
And on the other side, Taeyeon was still learning to receive the boomerang she threw herself.
"Taeyeon, I'm taking Irene out for a birthday dinner" Hearing that, Taeyeon's heart sunk but she kept a smile as she finished playing with the birthday girl on the living room's rug
"Ah.. Okay then. I'll see you again this weekend, Irene-ah. Bye—"
"Are you busy ? Do you want to go with us ? It's her first birthday" Taeyeon widen her eyes in disbelief. Totally wasn't expecting that to happen
'Okay I got to finish 5 songs, two meetings tomorrow morning, and—'
"No, I'm not busy. Definitely not"
"Can I buy a cake ?" Taeyeon said as she stopped infront of a fully filled cake display cabinet
"Yeah, sure. If you want to"
"May I help you, miss ?"
"Ah, yes.. I'm taking that one, please" Taeyeon said while pointing at a very pretty round pink cake
"Would you like us to write something on it ?" With her pen and note ready, the worker politely asked
"Hmm yeah.. Please write 'happy 1st birthday Irene H—'"
"Kim" Before Taeyeon could finish her sentence, Tiffany that was on her side interrupted. Taeyeon could only widen her eyes in shock while her mind was trying to figure out whether what she heard was real or not. She tried to ask about it to the latter but she couldn't because her world stops when she saw Tiffany talking to the worker. With a smile on her face, as she repeated it once again
"It's 'happy 1st birthday Irene Kim'"
Tiffany couldn't lie that she finally felt genuinely happy after a while that night. Going out to eat with her friend, or used to best friend, or her baby's father, or whatever Taeyeon was to her. Not to mention, she could hear and see her birthday baby laughing and smiling countless times.
The baby had fun putting foods inside Taeyeon's mouth now and then while Taeyeon had trouble breathing for accepting everything that was offered by the baby, pushing over her stomach capacity. But she was still smiling, and laughing whenever the baby does. Until a certain call from the baby put the smile off her face
"Ma" Taeyeon tried hard to swallow the food in her mouth while the baby's excited voice was still ringing inside her mind. The baby used to got it right before. She used to call her by her name. But 'why does she has to call me by that again ?', Taeyeon thought. And not to mention, in front of her real 'ma'. She avoided Tiffany's gaze and awkwardly took another bite of food from the baby's hand. She munched it, and swallowed it quickly before she cleared her throat.
"Irene-ah.. that wasn't how you should call Taetae. Call me—"
"Dada" Tiffany said softly with a smile, cutting Taeyeon's sentence. The blonde was taken aback once again. She unbelievably looked at Tiffany who was sitting across the table, looking for an answer but all she got was a small smile.
"It's da..da"
Taeyeon got pulled back to the reality when she heard Tiffany's voice once again. She could see the baby that was sitting on a baby high chair focusing on her mother who was teaching her a word patiently
"Try, Irene-ah.. call her dada. Da..da"
Just like she knew the truth, the baby turned her head to face Taeyeon with a smile on her face and happily called out
"Dada !"
After going back to Tiffany's apartment and put the sleeping baby down to the bed, the adults finally settled themselves in the kitchen stools, with things running over their minds.
"I.. um" Taeyeon decided to make the brave first move but still not brave enough to look at Tiffany straight in her eyes
"I had a really great time tonight, thank you"
When their eyes finally met, subtle smiles crept onto their faces. Taeyeon took another lungful of air in before she blow it out
"Actually, in this chance.. I just want to say thank you for everything. You still let me to see Irene and you every weekend.. despite what I did before. And I.. I'm deeply sorry.. for it. I was so stupid and wasn't brave enough to.. you know.. accept it.."
"..I'm not asking for a forgiveness. I know I'm not deserved to be forgiven for all that. What I did was horrible.. But I just want to say that I'm so thankful for your kindness. And.. I hope.. I hope I can still be here for you like as a friend- like before. Like.. back to those days" Tiffany noticed the hitch when Taeyeon said the word friend. She bit her lower lip before she broke the silence
"Ofcourse.. You're my friend, Taeyeon-ah" Tiffany said softly. She could see Taeyeon trying to give her the best smile, when she knew exactly that Taeyeon was in pain
"I can't deny anymore that you're Irene's dad, you know.."
"..I've tried to push that thoughts away but it still came back all the time.. because it's the truth.. so I started to think whether we should really do that ? To make her recognize you as her father. Not as her mother's friend. Do you think it's okay for you ? Am I being too selfish ?"
"No, no ! Ofcourse not- I mean. I'm definitely okay with that. I'd love to be recognized that way" Smiles were exchanged once again before Taeyeon speak out once again
"I need to let this out.. On that night. When you told me what actually happened, I accused you mindlessly. I'm really sorry for that. I know you're not that kind of woman, Tiffany"
"I was so shocked, and scared, ofcourse. Because I really haven't remember about it during that time.. yeah.."
"It's my fault too. On the morning after, I woke up in your bed and found out that we actually did, yea.. that. I freaked out too. 'Taeyeon is my best friend. How can we do something like that ?', I kept on repeating it inside my brain. I should've stayed and sort it out with you. But instead, I cleaned the mess up, and walked out of your house like nothing happened. So I wasn't surprised if you didn't remember anything.."
"..I took some pills too. But later I noticed that I started to feel nauseous, I get dizzy often, until I got a test. It was positive, ofcourse. And I.. I just.. I thought I couldn't live anymore"
"I'm sorry, Fany-ah.. That's why you avoided me, wasn't it ?" Tiffany nodded. She hung her head low to wipe her tears off her cheeks before she sighed out the painful memory
"But the fact is that.. you're braver than me, Fany-ah. You took care of Irene alone while I was, well.. trying to run away"
"It's all in the past, Tae. Should we.. should we just leave it here and move on ?" Asked Tiffany carefully as she rested her joined hands on the countertop. Taeyeon didn't waste any time to agree. She subtly smiled while she nodded
"Yeah, ofcourse.. it's better that way. Thank you. And I'm sorry once again"
"I'm sorry too, Tae. For all those words I said"
"It's all in the past, Fany-ah"
They finally smiled genuinely for each other after so long, and their broken hearts each managed to found its small missing piece, successfully building it more than a half now.
"Aren't you going to say anything more ?"
"..is there anything more I'm supposed to say ?" Taeyeon confusedly asked back. Her mind kept on turning and flipping to search for the things Tiffany meant. But before she could find one, Tiffany decided to give a little hint
"I.. kinda heard what you said last night ? On the couch.. ?" That little hint that made Tiffany smile in a hint of guilt and made Taeyeon burn
"Oh, that.. yeah that, um.. I'm sorry- I'm sorry for bothering you—"
"I feel the same"
"What ? What feel ? Is- oh.. that" When Taeyeon finally got what she said, she looked down at her nervous fingers on her lap and tried to calm herself down a little bit—which was a little bit useless. She inhaled and exhaled, before she finally lifted her head up bravely. But only to feel her courage went under zero again right after she met Tiffany's eyes
"Tiffany, look.."
"..what I said.. is the truth, okay ? I've liked you since a long long time ago. But I was just the same coward. You're my friend, Tiffany. I just- I just don't want me to make you uncomfortable with that, you know ? I'm afraid you'll stay away from me if I tell you about my feelings. I can't imagine my life without you.. But I experienced it myself during those months. And so I realized that.. my feeling is just more than just a liking. It's more than that"
Looking at Taeyeon's sincere and teary eyes, the thing Tiffany next found was herself wiping her tear that rolled down her cheek. She gulped down her saliva to wash over her dried throat before she broke the silence
"You said that you won't ask me to be yours, right ?"
"Well, yeah.. I don't deserve—"
"But what if I'm the one who asked you to ? Will you, Tae ? Do you think you can.. well, atleast.. give us a try ?"
And so, their hearts were making a huge progress on sticking back together the broken pieces into a full one.
"Should we shake hands ?" Taeyeon said with a chuckle as she was walking from the kitchen to the living room, with Tiffany following behind
"Does lovers these days shake hands ?" Tiffany asked back also with a giggle. Taeyeon turned her back and was greeted by a sight of Tiffany standing steps away from her. Tiffany had the brightest smile ever. For Taeyeon, it resembles the sun, sunflowers, and everything that is bright and beautiful. Her smile was so bright and blinding—even though it was 2 hours to midnight.
"Come here" Then Taeyeon felt the rush run all over her body when she saw Tiffany had her arms spread wide, inviting her for a hug—just like she used to. But it was different that time around.
Also with a smile on her blushing face, Taeyeon took her steps towards Tiffany.
But the accident during highschool just got to be replayed once again.
Taeyeon fell into Tiffany's embrace in her most awkward position ever with her lips pressing against hers. She felt her body burned from the simple touch and hastily pulled herself off from Tiffany
"Oh my God I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that, I'm so sorry—"
But different than the accident during highschool, a new page was opened for them.
"You should stop tripping on nothing, Kim Taeyeon"
To stop Taeyeon from moving away, Tiffany circled her arms around Taeyeon's neck and pulled her back to her previous position. Their lips met again. It was calm, filled with their pure feelings. And from behind their closed eyelids, they could see the fireworks, also the moon. The moon that has already grew closer to a full moon.
While their lips still moving slowly against each other, Tiffany took a step closer when Taeyeon wrapped her arms around her waist, and the closeness made them smile into the kiss. They just couldn't stop themselves from pouring the feeling they had been holding in for long and long years. It kept on going until their lungs screamed for air.
The kiss was broken breathlessly and slowly. Still with their eyes shut close, Taeyeon moved her hand to caress Tiffany's cheek and rested her forehead on hers.
"I should go home.." Taeyeon whispered out close to Tiffany's lips. Her voice was heavy with relieve and joy, even though she didn't really feel like leaving her first lover
"Okay" She nodded and replied. Tiffany then removed her forehead off Taeyeon's before she threw her body on Taeyeon's, wrapping her in her big hug. They immediately sighed out the remaining of the pain inside their heart, and slightly moved their bodies side to side like shrugging it all off.
"If you got a free time tomorrow, you can accompany Irene for her regular check up"
"At noon ?"
"Yeah"
"I'll definitely be here tomorrow"
Tiffany nodded once again and tightened her hug for some seconds before she finally let Taeyeon go.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow ?"
"I'll see you"
They naturally leaned in to each other for a last kiss for the night. But just like on cue, a baby cry was heard from the only room. Giggles escaped their mouths right after. In the end they shared a light peck before they parted from each other
"Tiffany, can I hug her and wish her good night before I go home ?"
"Ofcourse" Tiffany answered with a smile. Then all she saw was Taeyeon's back disappearing as she walked inside her room. And she noticed the baby's cry stopped fast.
Deciding to join in, Tiffany walked to her room's direction and leaned on the doorway. She immediately saw Taeyeon's back and her baby that was resting her head on Taeyeon's shoulder. Taeyeon rocked the baby gently, and her hand occasionally caresses the baby's back to soothe her. Then Taeyeon gave a lingering kiss on the baby's head and surely whispered
"Sleep, my baby. Dada is here"
The End.